Chapter 22: The Wild Nights
Authoers Notes: I acidently upoloaded the earlyer versioned of this chapter cause I changed teh name as I did not leik it so I upload real version nao!
Hogni the Furious had just finished his Talosmas celibrations and had loadts of good drink and food and parytying and over stuf leik that and he had also had the new years celbirations not long after and thant he found he wok up in Markath!1 and in a temple of debila wit priestess of temple yelling ate him and caling him a blasthmer
"What are you taking about?" asked Hogni the Furious and she sayed "you dont remeber bursting in here humping the holy statues and throwing rubish everywer and going on about a goat and sum over stuff nwo clean tis stuf up".
Hogni the Furious cold not remembered wat happed only that he had bean drinking wit a man named Sam to sea if he cold win a staff and that is all and Hogni the Furious cold not belive that he had done damage to the temple of the holy goddess of love and so he apoligeds and say he is the sory but did he come wit a man named Sam. But the priestess whould not say so Hogni the Furious paed for the damage and was told that he mentioned a tonw.
Meanwhile With Bob the Bard and Lyida and The Night
Al of Hogni the Furious's good freinds had favered and the one thing on al tere minds was "Were is Hogni the Furious?" cause Hogni the Furious had just dispred after having loads of drinks wit a stange man caled Sam
They were loking thought the city of Whiterun around al the miles of winding streets that arr moar musteryous than the 1001 Knights of Arbia. Than they ran into some of the pepole that Little Hood and Hogni the Furious had helped and they thanked them for tere kindness "Even after that evil man Sheriff of Riftem and the traitor had stoled al the moneys you stil gave us a grat meal. Insignificant Irina, Meaningless Mary, Negligible Nancy, Purportless Penelope and Immaterial Ivanna would be real pleased for the help you have them"
Autors notes: wat do you think abot teh names a goth freind fo mine susgested them. I tink tey are real good and Tim Burton should use them in his new film.
They al agred tis was god and Mecer Frey was near by and sweting when the trairot was mnetioned but noon noticed. But nowone whould tel what haped to Hogni the Furious cause tey did not no only that he ran of to marrie his tru lov after a drinking contest. So tey went to spek with Sherlock Holmes in Windhelm but found it real hard to find him as wel cause Windhelm is big and msyerous and than they found he was causht up in another case.
Meanwhile With Little Hood
Little Hood and his Merry Men wear heading to Solitude to take car of that agent who woked for the Evil Brewmaster Sabjorn but tan they had ran into the Sheriff of Riften and his amy who were on his daily hunt and teh Sheriff of Riften had seeded them and scoled "Little Hood" and Little Hood said jolly "good day to you Sheriff" but the Sheirff of Riftern was not in good mood "Little Hood prepear to dye! Get him fellows" and so Little Hood and his Merry Men had to fleet. Nao dhay ayre hyding out from dad law in a cave and dedsided to doing some exploring. "Well at least his should be the intresting" Little Hood merryied and all his Merry Men criyed "yeah!"
So Little Hood and his Merry Men pranced merryly thought the cave singing there merry songs.
Little Hood, Little Hood,
Riding through the glen,
Little Hood, Little Hood,
With his band of men,
Feared by the bad, loved by the good,
Little Hood! Little Hood! Little Hood!
But as tey were singing and making merry and having good drink and song tere was a evil voiced of an eviled woman witch sayed evily
"I am Lu'ah Al-Skaven. Who are you to disrupt my work? Begone, or I will add you to my army of the dead!"
"What was that Little Hood?" asked Preist Nuck as he downed a botle of mead and Tenkith comented "it sounds nasty" and Big Jim boosted "it is nothing we kant hanlde" but the Dark elf rougre noted "it sounds like no problem to deel wit" than Little Hood himself demanded "it is something we must deal with come on lads lets take down a evil witch!" and all they Merry Men yelled "hoe-ray!"
Menahwhile wit Hogni the Furious
Hogni the Furious was had just arived at teh Farm whent some barmer came up to him and farmered "oi'arrr you got some nerve comin ere boy says I eye" and Hogni the Furious questioned "who arr you and wat you mean" and the farmer barmed "I be a barmer and you be takin me priazed goat and sellin her to sum Giant that be good thing to do says eye".
So Hogni the Furious had to find the giant that he had soled the goated to and than he fort the gaint and kiled it. Than he tok the goat back to farmer "good job lad now you left tis note that not be making much sense and it say that you bort a ring of this lass in Whiterun fo course I would not know much bout dem city folk"
So Hogni the Furious than arived in Whiterun.
Meanwhile wit Little Hood and His Merry Men
So Little Hood and his Merry Men went on tere way fighting unded vilians and zombies and evil mages tat were making undeads. Than tey got to a roomed wear some evil bad goys were having a oversationed
Female: "I think it's sweet Lu'ah is so worked up over her dead soldier..."
Male: "Yeah, but raising Draugr to take on both the Imperials and the Stormcloaks? That's just crazy."
Female: "True, but I'm not going to be the one to try to oppose her..."
Than Little Hood witted "sorry to bother you fellows but we have the kocks outs you ordered" and Big Jim saded "I've got the hammer for this" and they atacked evil mages wit arrows and hamers and martila arts. Soon tey one and whent on.
Soon tey got to a pussel roomed but that was eayl solved and they went fighting moar zombies and unded and evil magic mages and as tey whent they herd moar moessages form the evil witch woman who tunred out to be some God Damn Hippy complaing about teh war and wanted to stop it cause "War is Bad Man" or some hippy stuf liek that.
Than sooned tey wear at tha chamber war she is and she said som moar hippy crap
"They burned his body before I could raise him... it should have been returned to me... You will not stop me from killing those who wage this pointless war!"
"You arr kiling and defeling teh ded trying to stop this wared and nao we must stop you" braved Little Hood and Lu'ah or waht ever her name is eviled "than you must dye!1"
Meanwhile Wit Hogni the Furious
Hogni the Furious had jsut arived in Whiterun and the woman Ysolda at store told him that he bort a ring and she wants teh moneys now. She told him that he had ben going on about marrieing his tru loev and bort a ring and than told Hogni the Furious wear he cold find this tru wuv of his.
So Hogni the Furious went tere wit rage to find out wat is menain of this and he met a dishusting old hag who said "oh my tru wuv you hav truined to me no we can be maryed" and Hogni the Furious said "no you're ugly gib me ring back" and the hag say "nevr you wat to marrie that esmerieda woman wit the goat" and tey fort and Hogni the Furious wone and killered her.
Than he tok the Ring back to Ysolda and got the directiones to wear teh marige wears going to take placed.
It was an eviled Skull fortress full of bad evil wizards and Hogni the Furious whent tere and kicked tere magic asses and that was the easy cause they arr all n00bs.
Than Hogni the Furious found portal to marryige place and it was mystical realm wit strange creatures and Hogni the Furious thinked he ended up in pandroa but he was wong about that. So Hogni the Furious folowed path and met his drinking budy Sam who sayed that Hogni the Furious sayed that it had been quite that trip and Sam said that Hogni the Furious is good fun and they shold do this agan some tim.
But Hogni the Furious axed "if he had won the staff" and than Sam showed that is realy ...
...
...
...
Sanguine the dederic prince of drink and drukeness and he said that Hogni the Furious had helped brink some merrment to the world and that is good thing. So he let Hogni the Furious back to the real wrold wit the Staff and dederic artifcat that he had won so moar merrment can bee spred.
So than Little Hood and his Merry Men forty Lol'uth and her eviled unded amy in an epice battled doing epic moves and stunts and arrows shots and club thunbpinb and back stabing and steel against steel and steel again magic and archy against magic. Until they woned and Little Hood did final shot that killered Luth;uth for evar and she spoke "I will not dye" but she was ded "Good Job Little Hood"
Than goasts appred an made thanks to Little Hood and his Merry Men for tere brav deeds of daring do
Fjori: "Thank you for releasing us from her spell."
Holgeir: "Now we can rest in peace once again. Come Fjori, my love..."
Fjori: "Take this with our gratitude."
So Little Hood gut cool sowrd and a another strang e gem that he had colecting.
Meanwhil wit Unra Stoneheart
Unra Stoneheart was going to collect some contracts on the side and she was having a drink wit some of her good brothers and sisters in the scontroy and teling about the time she got the wabajack that she used to kil the webding in teh last chapter.
"Well it happed like this" reocunted Unra Stoneheart
"I was in solitude as per use and tis madman went up to me and ask..."
Flashback
"Can you help me? You help pepole don't you?" and I was almost gonna del him to go away whent I realised he was isane and so I was the nintrested.
"What do yo ned help wit" saksed Unra Stoneheart and the mademan tol her that his master trew him out and he is in the bad part of the place and he is a great man and cold crush Unra Stoneheart leik a clay vase and teh moar he spok about him the moar Unra Stoneheart leiked him already. So Unra Stoneheart was given a hip bone witch real apral to her goth nature and insturctions to how to entar to place.
Than Unra Stoneheart got the directions to the abanonded evil wing of the place and went trere. She convinced the one of the maids caled Una "who is she trying to fool she ripped of my name" Unra Stoneheart thinked but diceded to forgive whent she got the key to that wing of the place but Una compled about a goast that scared her and Unra Stoneheart thinked "wat a n00b".
Than when Unra Stoneheart got tere there was cobwebs everwar but also old bottols of acholo that Unra Stoneheart found wear vittages and so worth lot of moneys so she tok them al.
But just as Unra Stoneheart was taking drinks and wondering round the abadoned wing she the telaportaled to the stage realth that she did not no and tere was a man who she reconised as the mad god Sherogorth and she felt so honoured to be in precnence of such a great god as this is some she always whanted to meat.
Meanwhile in the Presnce with Little Hood
Little Hood and his Merry Men arived in the capital to find the lead of the vilian who backed the evil meadery.
The lead was an slimy argonian and they arived to asked about this "I dont know anyting bout tat I am woke indpenty now". But Little Hood was not coniced and used his silver Tonge to get the argonian to change his mind "fin give me som firebrand wine and we will tak" the lizard say.
So Little Hood sent Preist Nuck to steel some as he is always god at steeling booze as he can smeel it form a mile away. So Priest Nuck used his relgious afortiy to get into a big feast in palace and after many meads and bears and wines and vodka and wiskey and hogs head and wild Bores susages and Dear Meat and steaks and burgers and cheeze and chilli fries and hog roset. Preist Nuck stoled the firebrand wine and hed of to meat the Merry Men again he had also stoled many fod as a take away for them.
Meanwhile in Unra Stoneheart's Flashback
Unra Stoneheart listend to the converstion betwen the mad god and the man at the table. Unra Stoneheart axed who that was and the mad god told her that was the insane and ifnamus Empoer of Tamreal who is leik Calugila or Neo or Dominoican who arr mad Roman empoers but he is form the Elder Scrolls insted of Rome and Unra Stoneheart thinked "I liek him already".
But she was so awed to be in tre presents of the great Sheogorath and she did not want to anoy him by brning up the guy who wanted him to return to his relm. "I was sent to return you to your realm but I dont whant to anoy with that so tere must be something cool and insane I cold do hear" Unra Stoneheart
but Sherogorth say "oh liek you just done" and Unra Stoneheart was takne back but everytim she try to spek he just cut her of by saying "Huh?". But thab he say "just kiding I have seomthing that would be really fun well for me that is. Take the wabajack and try to fight yoor way out of the mad empoers mind".
Meanwhile With the Little Hood and his Merry Men
The liazard told them that he was aproched by a woman who didnt not giv a nama at al und she real mad wit Macer Fray jar.
Than he went of givin some sole gems as payment but the Dark Elf Rouge noted "I think he nos moar than he lets on" and so they agreed "well noted" agred Little Hood. So they folowed in disgues as dock workers. They folowed as he when to the empire conpany and they had to hide in the sadows of the boxes Abe's Exidous style.
So tey folowed until they got to were he was goning tey were tacked by bandits who tey kicked the ases of. Little Hood arowed them, Big Jim hit them wit sticks, Preist Nuck belched fire at them, Tenkith did nast tricks on them and the Dark Elf Rouge backstabed them.
Than it was just Gulum-Ei who beged for mecery and Little Hood pared his live for the infomat that the woman was kaled Karliah. "We know our enermy now Merry Men" spoke Little Hood amd tey whemt back to meat Mercer Fray.
Meanwhil in Unra Stonehearts Falshbacks
So Unra Stoneheart whent to various doors to the parts of the mad rulers mind and she was first go to the dream land and he was the alseep and she did zap of the Wabajack and a wolf apear that she turn into a ghoat and than a badnit she tunred that into a version of the empoer went he was a boy. Than a hag that she tunred into a hot woman adn falme guy that she tunred into a fire and a dagon preist that she tunred into a cheast and Freddy Kurgrer who she turned into a talentless holywod director who ruins frances wit pointles sqeals.
Than Unra Stoneheart whent to the next rom weare there was someking of Pokemon fight going on or seomthing and she was told that she had to beet her opintent in a Pokemon fight but shoting random pepole is just natural to Unra Stoneheart and she shot her openent and his bodyhards wit the Wabajack and that turned out to be right thing to do.
That it was the last callange to make the mad empoers confidnce against his angar and so Unra Stoneheart shot the cofincdence to mak it stonger and the anagar to make it weaker and tis won the fight.
So Unra Stoneheart had solved the puzzels and Sherogorth told her she had cured the mad empoer witch mad Unra Stoneheart feel real bad cause she hates sane and loves crazy. "dont feelt to bad now you get to go hom and tere stil is Cartagia or Calgula oh wait they is from a drifrent francies. Oh Well!" and than Unra Stoneheart was back in the place.
End of Flashback
IF Unra Stoneheart had not got the Wabajack none whould have belived her story but it was proofed that this happed and so it could not caled fake news but Astrid was stil not impresed "so what I am stil in charge hear" she sad "and that stoy was prob exgeriated anway" and Unra Stoneheart was kept thinking and wondering why Astrid is gelous of her.
She whould fin out but that is for anoth tim and the answer whould real shock Unra Stoneheart I reckon.
To be countued...
