A Mother's Secret
By JaquiK
Chapter 3: Regret
The calm of the early morning in the Nerima district of Tokyo, Japan was disturbed slightly by a young teenage boy rushing through the pre-dawn streets. He kept running forward, no actual destination in mind. He just had to make sure he got away from his father, at least for a little while. Long enough to think. He'd certainly have to apologize later for 'getting lost', but for now any guilt felt was tempered by the memory of that look. The look of a father he thought he knew. The look he never received once before until that day.
Until Jusenkyo.
He was fairly certain he'd managed to get away, but still he kept going. He decided to go across the river, hopping along a path of wooden posts. However, he should have remembered his luck with poles above water as one of the posts broke away under his foot causing him to fall into the river below. The cold water activated his curse, causing him to once again shift into his other form. Sitting up in the shallow part of the river, he noted that the feeling of unease that pervated a good chunk of his life once again melted away. He looked down at his hands, at how small they seemed now. He saw, in the ripples of the water, the face staring back at him.
The face of a girl.
The face of…
His mind flashed back to that look. The look given when he was in this form. The look that wouldn't go away until he got some hot water to change back. The look that told him everything about this was wrong. But was it?
A sound of someone giggling broke him out of his thoughts and he turned towards the source. Sitting on the grassy slope between the water and the street above was a girl that looked to be about his own age. She was wearing jogging clothes and had her black hair tied back low, which gave a clue as to why she was out before dawn.
He gave a huff and fumbled a bit at trying to cross his arms over his chest. "Something funny?"
The girl stopped her laughter, but maintained a large grin. "Nah, just reminiscing. You know, you always think you're doing great until that rotted through one gets you."
He couldn't help but give a little smirk in response as a bit of pride seeped through. "Yes, well, it's nothing I cannot handle. A martial artist's life is fraught with peril after all."
The girl let out another giggle and he let his smirk fall as he waited for the next part. It always happened after all. Instead, he continued to look on as she just smiled back. "Well?"
The girl tilted her head slightly. "Well what?"
He stood up and tried to wring some of the water out of his gi top while allowing the aura of pride and arrogance to armor him, as it had always done when meeting others. "I'm sure you have a whole bunch of stupid things you want to say, so just get them over with already."
The girl's smile turned to confusion colored slightly with concern. "What are you talking about?"
"Oh come on. I know you saw me fall in the water."
"Hey, hey," the girl said, standing up and waving her hands in front of her defensively. "I didn't mean anything bad by it. Us girl martial artists have to stick together, am I right?"
He was about to give a retort when the message arrow that was her statement landed right in his sternum. "Wait, what did you say?"
"We got to stick together. Especially with all the jerks that say-"
"No, no. The first part."
"Um, us martial arts girls?"
"Say that again."
"Us martial arts girls? What, are you surprised that a girl like me could be like you?"
He just stared ahead in shock. Us? A girl like her? As he looked on, trying to figure out the strange feeling coming from his chest, the light from the rising sun reached the river fully illuminating her. He couldn't help but notice how her hair had a bit of a blue sheen in the direct sunlight. That cute way she tilted her head looking at him.
"Red…"
"W-what?"
"Oh, your hair. I didn't notice how red it was before. That's so cool!"
"I…really?" He received a few comments when his hair was red, but 'cool' was never included in them.
"Yeah, and I love the style. It looks really good on you."
"Oh, um, thanks." He didn't want to get into why his hair was currently like that, so he worked on fishing his pack out of the water while thinking of a change in subject.
"Need help with that?"
"No, no, I got it," he replied, thankful that none of the important stuff would be damaged. "So, um, you like to practice martial arts?"
The girl gave another big grin. "Oh, you just so happen to be looking at the heir to the Tendo School of Martial Arts."
He blinked a few times. "Heir? But you're a girl!"
The smile faded just slightly and he regretted the words instantly. "Well, my dad didn't really have a choice in the matter. Still had to fight for it every step of the way though. I bet you got that whole thing too. That 'girls can't be fighters' junk."
"I…well…" He thought back to the look. The one he never received until falling in that spring. "Yes. I don't like it."
"Hey, don't let it get you down. I saw how well you were going across, at least until that last pole got you anyway. I bet you're a real kick ass martial artist."
That feeling of pride once again seeped through, but he did his best to temper it. "Yeah, I guess you can say that." He shifted his pack back onto his shoulders.
She eyed the pack with a cautious look. "So, um, are you headed somewhere then?"
"No. Just going wherever my training takes me."
"By yourself?"
"I…well, at the moment I am. Hey, don't worry. It's nothing I can't handle."
"But, but you at least have a home you can go back to, right?"
He shifted the pack indicating the bedroll that he'll need to remember to dry out before nightfall. "It's fine. I'm used to life on the road."
"All right, that settles it. You're coming with me. We need to get you cleaned up for one. When was the last time you had a bath?"
He paused for a moment and then turned towards the river.
"I mean a real bath. Or, heck, when was the last time you went to a bathhouse?"
He looked down sheepishly. "Uh, it's been a while. I don't want to be a burden or anything though."
"Hey, what did I tell you? Us martial arts girls need to stick together."
He closed his eyes, feeling those words flow through him and opened his mind up once again to those thoughts. Thoughts that his father was quick to snuff out with a comment or just the look. Thoughts that he became convinced could never come to pass. Except, that man wasn't here right now. So maybe. Just maybe…
She opened her eyes and smiled at the dark haired girl standing across from her on the shore. "You're right. Us girls should stick together." As the other girl gave a smile back, she suddenly realized how impolite she was being. "Oh! You're being so kind to me and I haven't even told you my name yet. I'm-"
Wait, I can't tell her that. That's a boy's name. Dammit! What do I do now? No, don't panic, don't lose control. You are better than that. Remember your training. You are calm. You are peaceful. You are…
"Nodoka. My name is Nodoka."
X
Ranma made sure to take his time to clean himself up, focusing purely on his task and not on the sounds outside that pretty much amounted to an interrogation. Right now he was extra grateful for the Saotome Secret Technique. He still didn't want his pops to die, but if he had to join in explaining to his mother what happened on that training trip…
Truth be told, he was already on the verge of taking his mother's sword and demanding to be the panda's second right there and then. His mother was alive, and the old man knew it the whole time. He knew, and he never told him. He wrote letters to her about their progress and not once did he ever mention her. Why? That whole contract thing apparently didn't matter in the end. So what was his pops even scared of?
Ranma grabbed the wash bucket and tipped the cool water over his head to rinse off. As he prepared to enter the lovely warmth of the furo, the image of his mother in discomfort flashed through his mind. Frowning, he focused inward on his own self, trying to ignore the annoying voice talking about weak and useless girls.
Slowly and deliberately, he stepped into the furo and slowly eased himself down until the warm water triggered the change back into a slightly taller, black haired boy. He tried his best to keep his focus, paying attention to his own feelings and not the words of everyone else. He looked down at his hand. A different hand, larger and thicker, but with the same callouses as before. He squeezed a tight fist, and then stretched the fingers out wide. It was a man's hand. It was his hand, just as much as the other one was.
He leaned back in the water, and thought back to the different times he was in his girl form. So often, he would be quick to assert that he was a guy. It made sense to do so at the time. After all, he was born a guy so that's what he is. Everyone who knew him would assert that as well, that he was a boy, no matter the form he was in.
Except, now…
Ranma closed his eyes and tried to think about being upset at his curse, about wanting to finally find a cure, but every time he did, the same words kept echoing through his mind.
"I will accept you for who you are."
"Nabiki! How could you treat Ranma's mother like that?" Akane yelled as she barged into her sister's room.
Nabiki casually sat at her desk, not bothering to turn around. "Oh come now, dear sister, I gave a discount to Mrs. Saotome for those tapes."
"Aunt Nodoka, remember? She wants us to call her that instead."
"No surprise there. In fact, I'd say there's pretty good odds that other name won't even apply to her within a month."
Akane blinked at the underlying, yet quite noticeable, venom undercutting her sister's words. "I…wait, are you of all people actually trying to defend Mr. Saotome right now?"
Nabiki slowly turned in her chair and looked right up at Akane. "Oh, perish the thought Sis. Just making observations about this woman's 'attachments', so to speak."
"And what is that supposed to-"
"How wet was Ranma when you were alone together?"
"Nabiki! H-how could you even think to ask something like that?"
"Like what? I'm just wondering how much water actually got on Ranma. I didn't really get close enough to see, but I'm sure you noticed when you were cleaning up the spill with him." Nabiki then gave a slight smirk and lowered her voice slightly. "Why? What did you think I meant?"
Akane stiffened and turned bright red. "Nothing! Um, Ranma wasn't really all that…um…damp, actually."
"So not enough for two different transformations then."
Akane looked down in contemplation. "No. No it wouldn't have been."
"Right. And then of course there was that yell. What was that for?"
"Well, Auntie Nodoka was pretty soaked. There was probably an accident with the kettles and she was surprised."
"Akane, if you saw a bunch of water headed towards you, are you really going to yell out 'no' like that?"
"No, I guess I wouldn't"
"Exactly! That wasn't a yell of surprise. Don't you think there's something off about this whole thing?"
"What's going on, Nabiki? Why are you being all Junior Detective all of a sudden?"
Nabiki shook her head slightly. "Information Broker, dear sister. And the most important part of that is having information. Especially when dealing with a woman who was so eager to abandon her child."
"Is that what this is about? She didn't abandon him, they went on a training trip. And she even went looking for them."
"Right, after what, 12, 13 years? No matter what she says, she could have gone after them at any time. Hell, Ranma spent a whole year of middle school in Tokyo and she didn't even bother to check up on him."
"She's here now though. Doesn't that mean something?"
"Maybe more than you know."
"What?"
"Akane, no matter what type of excuse she gives, she had a choice. At any time, she had the ability to give Ranma something that you, me and Kasumi can never have again, and she never even bothered to try until that last letter. Remember? The one about Jusenkyo?"
"Look, all that matters is that Ranma has his mother back and Aunt Nodoka gets to be with her son again." Akane then spun on her heels and started to walk out.
"And what do you think will happen when it turns out it's not a son that 'Auntie' wants to be with?"
Akane froze and slowly turned around. "What are you saying, Nabiki?"
Keeping her same calm expression, Nabiki simply held one hand out palm up. "2000 yen."
Akane stared at the hand for a few moments before turning back around and storming out in a huff, slamming the door behind her.
Nabiki kept the gesture for a bit longer, before calmly going back to her desk. "Okay, Sister, but don't go crying back to me when your little fiancè gets his heart broken."
Nodoka sat in silence in the near dark of the room, the only light coming from a small window to the side. Occasionally, she would glance over to the eyes looking back at her. There was no hint of disappointment or judgement in those eyes. Still, she had so much to answer for. So many mistakes that needed correction. She needed to lay her sins bare. Where would she even begin?
Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke. "I just wanted Ranma to be strong."
She turned her head away, not daring to look back at this moment. "I know. It doesn't sound like much when I say it out loud, but I wanted to make sure my child could survive in this world. I knew that traveling the road training would give Ranma the skills needed. Just sensei and student. And sensei wasn't…wasn't something that I could be after all. A wife and mother tagging along wouldn't have helped. So…so…"
Nodoka stood up and started to pace around the room. "I trusted that man. I mean, he is Soun's friend, his training partner. I never saw a reason to doubt him. I thought he was a true martial artist. Someone who would not find a need to lie or steal to survive. Someone that would find a training manual that said to throw his student into a pit of starving cats and actually know well enough not to follow it. Someone that could get a meal for himself without having to sell MY CHILD to do it! If I knew what he was up to, I…I…"
She stopped in place and took a chance to glance over to those eyes that still showed no hint of malice, allowing her to continue uninterrupted.
"I had no idea. There wasn't a single hint in his letters. It wasn't even until he mentioned Jusenkyo that I knew something was wrong. I did call the Guide right away, and when he let me know what happened, I left immediately to find them. But there was no reason to worry before that though. It was fine to wait at home and…"
Nodoka collapsed on her knees and felt the tears starting to pour down her cheeks. "I abandoned him. My child…my…son…left and I let him go. And now that I'm here with…with her…I'm scared."
Once again she turned to those unjudging eyes before quickly looking away again. "The way she looked when I offered my support. I don't want to see her face those hardships, but do I have the courage for it? You…you did so much back then. You were so strong and brave and…after what I did, I'm not sure I even deserve to be her mother. Please, what do I do?"
"Aunt Nodoka?"
Nodoka quickly stood and wiped the tears away before turning to the figure standing in the doorway. "Oh, Akane. Do you need something?"
Akane hesitated for a few moments before responding. "Are you going to stay? Um, I mean, Kasumi wanted to know if you were going to stay the night."
"Oh no, I don't want to be a bother to you. I should be heading out in a little-"
"You can't leave him!"
"What?"
"I mean, you can't leave now. It's way too late for that."
"Well, I don't want to be a burden to you."
"Oh it's not a burden at all. We have a spare futon and we can set it up in Ranma's room. See, no problem at all. So will you stay? Please?"
Nodoka found herself taken aback slightly by the younger girl's sudden enthusiasm. "I suppose if everyone's okay with it, I should be able to stay the night."
Akane got a huge grin on her face. "Oh, thank you, Auntie! Ran…I mean everyone will be happy to hear that."
Nodoka couldn't help but smile at the Tendo girl's joy and relief. "You know, Akane, you remind me a little of your mother."
Now it was Akane's turn to show surprise. "You knew my mom?"
"Oh yes. We were…good friends. The best of friends. In fact, since I'm here I could tell you and your sisters about how we first met."
"Yes, absolutely! I'd love to hear that! I'll go let Kasumi know and we'll get everything set up and ready." Akane then quickly dashed off.
Nodoka stood in silence for a few moments. "She's a really good kid. You'd be so proud of her. Sometimes I think about how things could have happened differently back then. But after seeing Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi. After seeing my child, my…my Ranma again…maybe it did all work out for the best.
Finally, she turned fully towards the small family shrine in the corner, and the framed photograph of a young woman placed on top. A young woman whose eyes were incapable of anger or judgement.
"I'm sorry, Kimiko. I should have come back much sooner, but just the thought of seeing you and Soun together, I still wasn't able to deal with that. I kept putting it off longer and longer until…until it was too late. I couldn't even bring myself to attend the funeral, I was so ashamed. So I hid. All those years, it was so easy to just hide. I can't hide anymore, though. Ranma needs me. Whether he's my son or she's my daughter, Ranma is going to need my support. My help. So I will be here."
Before leaving the room, Nodoka spoke in a soft whisper, barely audible, "I miss you so much. Please help me keep Ranma safe and I hope you know…that I will always love you."
Ranma woke with a start, finding himself still in the warm bathwater. Letting out a small groan, he got out and started to dry himself off. Ugh, how long was I asleep? I hope I can still catch Mom before she leaves.
Just as he was about to exit the bathroom, he managed to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He stared long and hard at the black haired boy before turning back to the faucet and turning on the cold water tap.
Minutes later, a once again redheaded Ranma exited the change room, dressed in his smaller pajamas, the ones Kasumi got for him during the time he was affected by the cat's-tongue pressure point and wasn't able to touch hot water. He tried not to think about how that was the set he took with him for his bath and instead looked around to see if anyone was still up and if his mother could be found.
He found Kasumi leaving the kitchen, dressed in her nightgown and carrying a tray of snacks with her. "Oh, hey Kasumi. Um, has Mom left yet?"
"Oh, good evening Ranma. Actually, your mother is going to stay the night. We have her set up in your room if that's-"
Before she could finish, Ranma dashed off upstairs. It's okay, it's not a big deal. Just go and ask her. You can do this. As he entered his room, he quickly called out, "Hey Mom, I need to talk to you about the curse. How were you able to-Akane?!" He froze as he spotted his fiancée in her own pajamas sitting on his futon.
Akane looked up and smiled. "Oh, Aunt Nodoka has been telling me and Kasumi stories about our mom. Isn't that great?"
"Oh yes," Nodoka responded, sitting on the spare futon in a nightgown borrowed from Kasumi. "Being able to reminisce like this has been so nice."
"I agree, hearing about Mother has been so wonderful," Kasumi said as she came in carrying the snack tray before settling herself in. "Would you care to join us, Ranma?"
"Oh, I don't wanna bother you or nothin. You wanna hear about your Mom and stuff, and I'll just get in the way, so…"
"Oh knock it off, dummy," Akane said as she got up and dragged Ranma into the room. "Your mom's in these stories too you know."
Ranma paused and looked around, before silently walking over and plopping down next to his mother, leaning into her slightly.
Nodoka smiled down at him before continuing, "Now that we are all settled in again, why don't I tell you about the time we went looking for a hidden shrine."
Ranma found himself lying down on the guest futon. He must have fallen asleep at some point during his mother's storytelling. The darkness of the room indicated that it was still the middle of the night. Looking around, he didn't see his mother anywhere. Quiet, indistinguishable sounds could be heard coming from downstairs though.
He decided to follow the noise to see what was going on. As he went down the stairs, he could start to make it out as coming from the television. The sound of a crowd and of a battle. Then, one voice managed to cut in quite loud and clear. A voice he had become very familiar with over the last year.
"Hey, come on! You gotta hang in there! I love you!"
Ranma couldn't make out the response, but cringed nonetheless waiting for the next word to be said.
"AKANE?!"
Ranma crept into the living room and saw the video playing on the television. True to Nabiki's word, she did in fact record that cheerleader match. He didn't remember her even being in the crowd, nevermind having a video camera with her. And the one currently sitting and watching was…
"Mom?"
Startled, Nodoka looked over at Ranma, before grabbing the remote and pausing the video. "Oh, Ranma sweetie. I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
"No, not at all. Um, what about you?"
"I couldn't sleep. All that talking about the past got me thinking. Actually, since you're up now and it's just us, I was wondering if it would be alright if we had a little talk."
"You mean, about the curse."
"Something like that." Nodoka got up and led Ranma over to the couch. Taking a deep breath, she took hold of Ranma's hands and looked into his eyes. "Ranma, I told you I would support you no matter what, and I mean that, but what I didn't ask is how you feel about it."
Ranma looked into those eyes filled with love and acceptance and tried to respond with what was always expected of him. What he always expected of himself. But the words just wouldn't come out. She won't be upset. She told you. So just say it. Tell her the truth.
"I…I'm a…a…"
Ranma lowered her head and finished in a quiet voice. "I don't know."
Nodoka smiled and cupped Ranma's cheek with her hand. "It's okay, Ranma. I felt the same way once myself."
Ranma looked back up in surprise. "You did?"
Nodoka nodded "Your grandfather trained me to be strong, to be his heir. He was determined not to let a silly little thing like a curse get to me. I wanted to reach his expectations, everyone's expectations. Even though nothing about my cursed form felt wrong, and usually felt right, I knew it was not something I could actually be."
"What happened?"
"During all those stories I told, did you notice what they had in common?"
"Um, well your dad wasn't in any of them. It was mostly just you and Mrs. Tendo and I guess whoever you ran into."
"Yes, there was that. Did you also notice that I was a girl in all of them?"
"Oh. I thought you were leaving parts out cause Akane and Kasumi were there. Or, that thing where you didn't change in the bath."
"No, I hadn't learned how to do that yet. I did leave out a little bit, but whenever I was with Kimiko, I stayed a girl."
"So she treated you like a girl the whole time? Did she even know about the curse?"
Nodoka let out a sigh. "Not at first. I did want to tell her right away, but I never had a friend like that before. Suddenly, there was this amazing girl that wanted to be girlfriends with me. Me. A friend and a girl at the same time. Can you imagine how that made me feel?"
Ranma didn't respond, instead turning to the television, at the moment paused on an image of Akane, who at this point in the match had ditched the kendo uniform, revealing her own cheerleader outfit that she had worn beneath. The redhead stared for a few moments before asking, "was she mad when she found out?"
"She was upset that I kept a secret from her, but eventually she did forgive me. More importantly, she still treated me like a girl. Even after we…well, maybe I'll tell you about that later."
"Oh. So, cause you were able to be a girl with no one saying any different, you figured out you really were one."
"Yes, and now I want to help you figure out who you really are."
"How…how can you do that?"
Nodoka looked straight into her child's eyes. "Ranma, I want you to come home with me."
