Chapter 9

The door closed behind me as I entered the empty house, stuffing my hand into the 'Panda Eats' bag before I could even throw my school bag into the ground. Checking the smooth surface of one listening device, I found the battery cover and chipped it out of its socket.

Oh good.

New and fresh batteries.

I then pulled out the earpiece, squeezing the whole thing until I felt one part cave in, turning the thing on. Putting it in my right ear, the noise of static and my shoes clattering onto the tiles amplified as I pulled it out, turning it off.

Bursting into a full-out sprint, I lunged myself at Light's door, barging into his room before crawling onto his bed and peering at the crack in between the wall and his bed. The lower part of the bed was positioned near a window and left space for the wall near his pillow half. I dug at the crack, seething and grinding my teeth together as I thrust my hand that was gripping on the listening device into the space before dropping it accidentally onto the ground.

Jumping off the bed, I yanked the wooden bed frame away from the wall, shrieking at out stupid I was for not thinking of pulling the bed away first before I did something idiotic like shoving my hand into the crack.

The funny thing was Light's bed, was that it had no space under the bed. His wasn't like those four poles supporting and lifting the mattress up. His was one big rectangular box with wood supporting the mattress from one of the sides. The good thing with these kinds of beds was that usually, the bottom was empty. As it is, a perfect place to place my device there without bringing any suspicions.

Finally pulling enough space from the wall, I reached into the space between the mattress and the bed frame, trying to lift it up.

It was a lot harder than I had expected.

And I'm not saying this because Sayu's muscles were the definition of weak.

The bed frame weighed a legit 500 kgs. Probably.

At this point, I was panicking terribly. Because different from my school, Light's time ended at 3 pm. Running back home took around 40 minutes, and me asking how the spy gadgets worked took me took a whopping 45 minutes.

Sweat rolled off my forehead as I tried again, this time curses of curses shouted out of my mouth as I gasped in pain from my red fingertips. I had to let go of the frame again, wheezing.

I ended school at 1 pm, talked with Tsubame for 45 minutes, yet I actually left the school at 2 pm. 40 minutes of rigorously running with these anime untrained girl legs made the time 2:40 as I reached the doorway. Of course, it took Light 15 minutes to walk back home, 20 if he was slow.

My eyes scampered to the clock on his writing-table.

2:50pm.

"Fuck!" I tried again, this time clawing at the wood as a crack appeared. Sucking a breath in, I tried lifting the crack higher, only to have my sweaty palms drop the whole thing on my foot.

I screeched, yanking my foot out before tears legit poured out of my eyes from the pain. I heaved in agony, actually falling on the ground and clutched my foot.

I should have chosen another day to put the device.

But I didn't know when he'd actually obtain the fucking death note.

If he attained it tomorrow, his suspicions would be twice as high, causing him to place me on the 'kill' list. I had to place it as soon as possible, which would lower my chances of death almost immediately. All I needed was to find out where he placed the death note in the drawer, and how the heck was I supposed to take it out without setting it on fire as he explained in the anime.

Fuck this world, why the hell did I not remember the way to freaking opening his drawer?! I remembered that it was in the drawer! I also remembered that Ryuk could stick his head through objects and potentially rat out the device, yet even if he did, Light would not be able to tell if it was a move from L or a third party.

Whimpering, I gasped for air as my collar was now soaked with tears, fully setting off the buzzer in my head as I openly started bawling, whipping my head to the clock.

A blurred 3:00 pm entered my vision as I shoved myself onto my feet, screaming each time I took a step. The toes on the injured foot lifted as I placed myself once again in between the wall and propelled my remaining energy all into that one push.

The frame trembled as it lifted, not even the victory of successfully heaving it upwards could stop my ongoing tears and screams. Using my other good foot, I kicked the fallen device into the opening before dropping the frame with a thud, gagging as I fell onto the floor again, crawling out of the cramped space and lifting myself to the other side of the bed, pushing it inwards against the wall.

3:05pm.

I gritted through my blurred vision as I stood up slowly, my sweaty and trembling hands brushed over the wrinkled covers on the bed, smoothing it before limping away to Light's doorway, picking up the bag that contained the rest of the gadgets and staggering out.

Just at the last moment, I whipped around, searching on the floor for any pieces of paper. Sure enough, beside the door frame, a small piece of paper lay on the ground, untouched. Whimpering again, I picked up the paper, trying my best to be gentle and closed the door, paper clutching in in the middle. Standing back up, I automatically placed my hand on the door handle, tipping it downwards but not enough to open it.

Hah! Guess who studied your methods of noticing people entering your room!

The smug I wore for one second disappeared as I snarled at the thought.

*intense swearing session*

Fuck you son of a bitch you mother fucking bastard.

Shit, you Light Yagami and your fucking ducking God freaking complex.

Fucking idiot asshole who became a mental who would abuse the death note for the sake of your shittass lame-ass justice.

I slammed my own door to my room before dropping onto the floor.

Silence enveloped me before I quaked like a vibrator, hugging both of my sides as I sobbed in my sleeves.

I made it.

I made it.

Cold sweat trickled down my spine in relief as I sighed, sniffing before wiping all my snot on my uniform.

I heard the front door open downstairs as I got up, stumbling towards my closet and pulling out a random sweater from the rack.

"Sayu! Your bag is on the floor!" I heard my brother call out before I replied with a strong 'coming!'

I opened the door after I changed and washed my face, slamming face to face with Light.

"You shouldn't just throw your-" Light's eyes widened at my red-stained eyes before mine widened along with his, completely remembering that I couldn't change my freaking eye colour.

"...Were you crying?" I heard his tone drop dangerously low as I closed my room door behind me, dread seeping into my face at the realization that the 'Panda Eats' was still laying casually on my room floor.

"It's nothing." I shuddered, feeling jolts of electricity scampered down my spine as his hand moved up to my face, lifting it up so that his stare bore into mine. His eyes hardened when he saw my swollen rims, brushing his thumb under my eyebags.

"What happened." The question came out more of an order than a question as I lifted one of my eyebrows at his actions and pushed his hand away.

"Nothing," I turned around and walked past him, stepping onto the stairs before almost yelping when my injured foot lost it's standing. Light's arm shot out, wrapping them around my waist before pulling me up and stabilizing me on the floor.

"Thanks," I murmured breathlessly, looking away from his face.

"What happened to your foot?" even without looking at him, I could feel his eyes narrow at my feet as I grimaced at the situation I placed myself in. Oh my god, I should've just told him a random excuse and gone with it! Why the hell am I in this situation?

I wanted to cry again, this time not from pain but rather: frustration.

Fudging pain has made me into a crybaby!

I felt much more sensitive than today morning, probably just my emotions playing a huge knock-knock joke on me.

Agh.

Every day, I've just been fretting about the death note. I wanted to win, yet I also knew that if I wanted power, I needed to throw my life as the gambling chip.

Even when I finally...finally!

I choked on my spit, tears dropping one by one, splattering onto the floor. Instinctively, I reached out and clutched the nearest thing, grasping onto Light's school uniform as I started to sob quietly.

Even when I finally found a family that could love me.

I didn't want to cry anymore.

I hated crying.

Crying made me feel weak.

Crying reminded me of them.

'Why can't you do better?!' My father's voice echoed inside me painfully.

"Distract me." I hiccuped, lifting my tear-stained eyes to meet Light's quiet ones. For the first time, I felt as if I had seen his real self so surely. He wasn't confused or annoyed. He was only slightly concerned for his blood-related sister but he was observing me like I was some sort of lab rat, something different from anything that he had seen.

"What do you want me to do?" He uttered softly.

My eyes shuttered as I leaned into his warmth, fully knowing that this brother of mine would kill me if I was even slightly burdensome to him. Something inside me caved, wanting his body heat against mine.

I felt needy, and I was disgusted by my own actions.

Kill him. I need to kill him before he kills me.

I want the power.

The death note.

Do not get too attached.

The voices in my head whispered frantically.

He will kill you, he will.

I pushed him away roughly, wiping away my teary eyes with my sleeve.

"Chess. Your room. Now."


"Have you played chess before?" I asked, setting the pieces on the board as his bed creaked under his and my weight.

"No, but I can manage." He said, copying my order of placing the pieces.

"Hm." My tone came out nonchalantly as I played my first move, waiting for his.

"Have you?" He said while making his move, lifting his eyes from the board to my face.

"No." I moved my next piece after my words, keeping my eyes on the board.

Our exchange happened back and forth, both of us thinking in silence before he broke the spell.

"Why were you crying?" His voice came out gentler than before, making me scoff at his lame attempt to coerce me into answering. I finally tore my eyes off the board, raising up my eyebrows before spitting harshly.

"Curious, aren't you?"

He winced fakely at my accusation, twisting his face as he played his next move.

"Fine, let's talk about something else." He motioned to me as I moved my bishop across the board, threatening his knight.

"What do you suggest, Light?"

His brows arched skeptically as he moved his pawn closer to prevent my attack.

"You've changed." His tone was firm and steady, having his eyes narrowed in exasperated before I smirked at his comment.

"Rhetorical question, Light?" I took one of my knights to back up my bishop.

"You don't call me brother anymore. And your whole attitude...it has changed quite drastically." He focused on the game as I froze from his comment. Did Sayu call him older brother? Oh, the difference in Japanese culture.

"Well, you don't call me Sayu anymore either." I shrugged back, playing it casually.

"How long have you been pretending?" He murmured with his eyes travelled back up my face as his tone lightened to match mine.

Oh ho, quite an intelligent fellow we have here. Unfortunately, in your era, there hasn't been a surge in technology or stories talking about reincarnation or snatching someone's body on a daily basis.

"When I noticed you were," I answered, watching the frustration increase in his deep-set stare.

"Checkmate."

I blinked surprisingly at the board, grumbling as I felt a smug grin appear on his face.

"And you even go easy on your sister who'd just been crying for hours."

Light raised his eyes at my statement.

"Do you want me to go easy on you?" He moved the pieces back in place and we started again. It was true, in this exact moment, I hated people deliberately going easy against me, yet I was open-minded enough to allow it if the situation called for it. The funny thing though, is that a win is a win. In normal circumstances, I would be more than happy if I won in backhanded ways. Glaring at him, I grinded my teeth.

"You hate losing. You wouldn't even let me win if you could."

"I don't know if I should be amused or annoyed by your knowledge." He said, moving his pawn.

"I don't know whether I should be happy or frustrated you were born as my brother, Light." I snarled at him, moving my piece.

"We both have something in common then." He shrugged, not being bothered at all by my insult. I paused over his words, then burst out laughing, throwing my head back before cackling like a madwoman.

"Oh, trust me, we have much more things in common than you would like." I grinned widely as something flashed through his eyes. I ignored it though.

Yeah, now that I thought about it, we were quite alike.

Both hated humans in some way, both would sacrifice anything for power, both master manipulators, both saw humans as nothing significant, and both feeling weirdly creeped out by one another.

"Then I assume that it would be correct to interpret your previous words as an alliance?" He mused at his own words, moving his piece to attack mine.

'Sayu loves you, okay, Light? Sayu will always be on your side.'

"Alliance? Oh no, don't use such a childish word on me." I raised up one finger and wagged it in front of him before taking his rook. "It's more as an assurance so that we both won't feel threatened by one another."

"Threatened? That's a very interesting term to use for our relationship." The light in his eyes danced with mirth with his melodious tone, making me laugh lightly.

"Why won't you feel threatened? After all, if you had power and authority I would have already been dead by knowing your secrets." I said casually.

His eyes instantly darkened at the thought, smirking a bit before playing the nice brother card.

"How could you say that, Sayu? I would never do that as your blood-related brother. No secret can ever push me to kill people without reason." His tone was serious as his face frowned even though his eyes didn't.

'Without reason' he says. Certainly, everyone he killed would either affect his path to dominating the world or anyone who legit pissed him off.

"Then imagine if it was a much larger, potentially dangerous secret. We both know you wouldn't give a second thought about blood." I cocked my head sideways, clicking my tongue and moved my queen. Realizing what I said I paused a split second before adding on.

"Anyhow, moral of the story, even if you become a criminal, I'll help you." I joked, forcing myself to snicker under his watchful gaze.

"I will definitely not become a criminal." His tone darkened dangerously, unconsciously trying to intimidate me. Too bad, I had already gotten used to the interrogation room.

"Checkmate." His growl almost seeped out of his cold tone before I started organizing the board again.

"Last game," I demanded.

"You people are so narrow-minded." I huffed, moving forward to attack the center. Light's expression finally untensed, relaxing almost immediately after realizing what he just displayed.

"Always trained to believe in one thing, their one will and train of thought." I continued, ignoring whatever thing Light was doing.

"The way of the samurai, heh." I moved my knight forward before rambling again. "Don't you notice that, that way of thinking is their biggest weakness?"

It was true. I always found their history of the Samurai ironic. Dying for honour? What a pathetic way of saying they did not want to live with the burden of failing.

"Weakness?" Light's voice came out curiously.

"What do you think is more important?" I took his queen with another knight. "Life or pride?"

Light became quiet at my question as I persisted in my frustrations.

"Life, that's what! Throw away that measly pride of yours! That is the way that you can survive. Live on and take revenge! Even if you sacrifice losses, learn from it, improve your game, take them by surprise." I hissed like a snake. "This is how you can win at the end."

I placed my final piece on the board before leaning back and smirking.

"Checkmate."

Light's eyes were trained on the board intently, basking in his moment of loss before staring at me almost too fiercely.

"You lost the two games on purpose."

I shrugged. "Who knows?"

To be completely honest, I did not lose on purpose. I had every intention of beating him in chess. It came from Sayu and my past struggle with perfection. I only won the third game because of Light's same mistake he made with Near.

Overconfidence.

"You see, Light," I spoke out seriously, standing up and hissing into his ear. "Winning every match does not matter. What matters is the last game, where you bet everything in exchange for the one thing you desire: Ultimate victory."

I leaned back and lifted the chessboard off his bed before trudging to the door with my injured foot. I smiled smugly, feeling my win and exit being so cool like explosions had gone up behind me. I opened the door and let it fall behind me.

"Sayu," I heard Light call before the door completely closed. "Thanks."

The door slammed shut, rendering me speechless.

"That fucker." I gasped. "He took advantage of my emotional state."

He played me all along.


Author's note:

I apologize if I have offended any Japanese people, I am not insulting any of you, and I respect your culture. You guys make the most amazing things when you are focused on one career and belief. It's more like I was specifically talking about the people in the anime, and how they embodied the belief that they could only take one side.

OC was furious at how everyone in the anime was just on the side of Kira is Evil or Kira is God.

The only person who had an open mind in the anime was Matsuda. He actually believed that Kira had good intentions but had just skipped to another more criminal way of dealing with them.

Oc wanted to make her point so the words came out of her mouth much harsher.

I apologize sincerely if I have offended any of you.