Chapter 73: The Old Life Festival
Autheores Notes: I know this storyed was uploaded after New Years dayed but as I hav the menion I was in a place iland for critmas wit had no intranet aces so I cold not uplod it on the day. Also I lost wear I putted this chapater for a while on mah compuitered so this has to bee an vary late New Years specil and also trere is gonna be a New Years day sepcial that whil also be vary late nao. Sorru about this but it kan be the helped.
So it was New Years Eve in Skyrim and tat is kon as the Old Life Festival were pepole go and pray at shrines and send mesages to the dead and alo sneding ded realtives to be resrected by da necromances in the temples. P.S tanks to ESO fo rteched me about this festiva I dont play ESO real muh cause I dont get into MMOs but I watch feind pay some of teh vame and it loo ok
So lets sea what teh heroes are the doing on Old Life Festival
Meanwhile With Hogni the Furious and fineds
Hogni the Furious was is going to play a vist to the shrine cause he is being tasked with delviering some mesages to the shrine adn so he did so. But first he had some beer and mead to drink out the old year and they and his friend had a good time.
Meanwhile With Johhny Drunkparrot
Johnny Drunkparrot was in teh taven taking advnatage of the free ale and booze and rum and kept drinking and drinking and the innkeep of whiterun was panking "by nines this man is going to drink me in bankrupcy I AM RUINED! SCREEWED! OH GODS HELP ME!" He screameded and some captain of the old sea who new of Johhny Drunkparrot say "arrr tis no man tis a drinking machine made in imation of a man Yaaar he be the very sprit of drinking gluttenry itsefl arrr" but one listen to the sea captain and cause Nao Johhny Drunkparrot was drinking an entire bael of rum and than one of vodka and one of whisky until he is thrown out "avast ye landlumbers you cant compete with a real drinking sailor yaaar"
But then Johhny Drunkparrot ran in the prossesion of the dead going up to the temple and they thinked that he is one of the dead and marched him to go into the temple "Avast! where yee taking me?!" Johhny Drunkparrot yeled as he was being marched to the temple with the ded "ye gods this parade be full stff ans goasts wat ye got me hear for" and one of the prests say "this ded sole real is one of the most dishusting goasts ive ever seen best take him to the carrtocombs quickly" ad Johhny Drunkparrot was sainy "but i am not ded" but one leisoned.
Meanwhile with Little Hood and his Merry Men
Little Hood and his Merry Men were making this a time to member the dead that were killed by high taxes and the Sherrif of Riften and they helped the poor who are under Little Hoods proectection to sned messages to the dead. But there is one person that Little Hood whants to speka to cause they arr a mebmer of the Theifs Guild who had inviltrared the Silver Hand and had recently turneing up ded when the Silver Hand had al bean whiped out suddeling and whitout waring. As a theif Little Hood vaules his possieons and his frineds and comrades. He wants to look after them and this goes the same for his allies and finreds and the poor if he owns somehing or is alyies with someone he wants them trested well and not killed. So he wants to know who did this and wants the to pay.
So Little Hood contacted the ded person with his own mesage and got a mesage back "I was kiled by the compaions and there new leder a drunken sailor known as Johhny Drunkparrot and that is al I can sayed" and so Little Hood say "come on Merry Men seeems we have t hva word eith this Johnny Drunkparrot".
Meawhile With Alyce
This being the Olde Life Festival they were paying the respcts to the headmaster Aren who was the killered by that evil Acano Thalmor gy and Alyce calowed some traviling pilgrims to set up ahrine cause there is no temple in Winterholm as the lasdt one colapsed down the caven when the diaster haped in the city. So the pilgrims came and set up the shirne and Alyce payed major respect to the Aren Headmaster ecant know she supased him and he was far below her power level he did give her the steps to get to where she is today. So she sent a mesage thanking him for his ledership of the collage and his intresting lesions and also helping in the quest for the undesrand the Eye of Magnus. She aded that it is a shame that they didnt get to kep it but adn promisses that she is resserching evan more intresting things that mite supass it so it is all good.
Meanwhile With Unra Stoneheart
Unra Stoneheart dint realy care about such festivals cause she is to busy planing the assination of the cook and but she decided to go out and spend the feival drinking with some skeiongtons who had got up to dance. They had a good drunk and dance in a graveyard and they told her some bone jokes and some skelignton joeks and thy al had a good laugh.
Than they took Unra Stoneheart too their home witch is in a dark twon in a dark street and they live in a dark house and down some dark stiar and in dark celler. There they have skeligton dog and a skelington furntiure and everytging there is made of flesh or bone and they have black cat. Unra Stonehear thinks that this is realy cool and also funny.
In a dark, dark town there was a dark, dark street
And in the dark, dark street there was a dark, dark house
And in the dark, dark house there were some dark, dark stairs
And down the dark, dark stairs there was a dark, dark cellar
And in the dark dark cellar three skeletons lived
There was a big skeleton
And a little skeleton
And a dog skeleton
Woof
Autheores Notes: This cause this Skeliton family that Unra Stoneheart is spenind time with they are based on that cartoon Funny Bones if anyone has ever sean that they shold cause eposdies art long and have many bones jokes. It is a british show form the UK so many pepole probs havnt hurd of it.
So Unra Stoneheart had some skelington drinks with the two skeligtons and there skeligton dog woof was given some bonemeal. Than they all whent to the bone pets shop adn the musem witch had dragon and disnoaroe skeilgtions on dispaly. They had to had real fun time and doing partying in a bone disco but smal got bone drunk and hd sea Dr. Bones but it was al OK in thed.
So Unra Stoneheart had good time in Skelington land and the dark town but she had to go back to the nromal world of the lviing again but she wil awalys make sure to vist the three skeletons again some day cause they are cool dudes.
Meanwhile With Titus Vulen
Titus Vulen was unwere that it was Old Life Festival he and Serana were to busy planing the trip to the moth glade and aranging the ancheint vampire parts to get them just rite. Though tere was one thing that Titus Vulen had to solve and that was there is some anyoing thot Vampire who keep making seductive coments to him whent he gets back to the castle such as "a mortal a day keeps the Dawnguard away" or "how about we have feeding contest first one to drain em dry wins" all with some forced orgamsic tone that is rpety annoying rather than sexy and evant if it was sexy Titus Vulen only love Serana and no one else. So he was going to have to tell this thot to begone.
So Titus Vulen haded to this vampriess and spoke to her about to tell her that she is anoying him but in the end hey had plesent coverstion bout this palce and polatics and it runed out that she is not intrested in him ether she just thinks she is being funny and agred to stop those comented cause they are not aprot. So it was al resovled well but than tere was some anyoing knock on the door form some stupid bloated presit "do you have any messages for the dead" he say and Titus Vulen said "oh yes and you wil delvier hem personly" and he had tem taken in a kiled and laid out for as feast for the over vampires "good job Titus Vulen this fat preist wil last us some time" sayed Harkon and that vampires that Titus Vulen had talked to aded "why are presits such gulltens? they tell us how to live our lvies al the time but they then edolge in food and sex just as badly as aonone esle" and evyone luthed at this caus it is true.
Back With Hogni the Furious and Friends
It was nao time for Hogni and Bob and Lydia and the Knight to deivler the mesages for the dead and tere is alot of them. They take them to the temple and whee the parade of the dead had gone earily that they had all watched. Though they cold have swore that somone was shotign form it but that must have bean some mad goast or something.
So they came to the temple and delviered the mesages witch were the bunred and they talked with the presit about this festicals and Bob was the scared caused he thinked tghat one for the dead mite give him an omen of deaf but the prest just luthed "Silly Bob" he say "this is a tim for good mesages not bad yoube been readed to many goasts stories in thosae newpagpers".
So they whent on tour of the Temple and whent they wrre doing that there was some yelling "help MAROONED MArroned! Ahoy! Anyone! Avast! I bee stuck hear and dangerously sober!"
The voice was comin form a tomb and Hogni shouted it open and Johnny Drunkparrot crawled out "arrrr what ya doing lad tying to burst me ear drumbs but tanks for saving me! Tey whould hav taken me down to Davy Jones' tat tthat rate. Arr nao cold bring me some rum lad arrrrr" Johnny Drunkparrot spoke and than Little Hood came in with his merry men and say "you priate" and Johnny Drunkparrot say "ahoy maty" and Little Hood say "you mite not know this you drunken mule but you kiled a member of my crew when you atcked the Silver Hand" and Johnny Drunkparrot "arr you not be Silver Hand be ye?" and Little Hood say "no I'm theifs guild and I am there leader of that guild and the Merry Men. We stel form the rich and give to the poor. Prehaps yove herd of me my name is Little Hood and I am a big deal".
Johnny Drunkparrot say "ha so what ye want with me" and Little Hood say "well you kiled one of my feinds and that is not something I let of lightly but sine this is the new year since this is the new year we can make a deal. Just pay me a fine and lets make an alliance betwe our two organistions. A agement that we can both do wel form". "Arr ok i do tat we can make a partnaship betwen us" Johnny Drunkparrot agred and Little Hood say "ok nao pay debt" and Johnny Drunkparrot say yes heers you moneys.
So it was al agreed wella nd Little Hood and Johnny Drunkparrot bcame god friends and this was known as the new deal and it was a good things for the pepole and the guidls.
Stay Tune of what hapend during the New Life Festival
To be countued...
