Author's Note: Hello Lads and Ladies
For this installment of "I'll find new ways how to make myself cry" I actually have a recommendation for a segment. Once Legosi is about to enter his mother's room please listen to the Midnight mass soundtrack 'Nearer my god to thee (Instrumental)' That was the soundtrack i used while writing said sequence and god damn… tears were coming at a steady rate.
Content wise this chapter is the pinnacle of the scales of the past Ark as Foxy so lovingly called it. It marks pretty much the end of Legosi's family troubles, giving most of the payoff before the Riz fight ties a bow around the closed package, or at least that's how I hope it'll work in the end.
The actual content and name of the chapter in itself was decided around Chapter Nine. I had the plan for Legosi's family ark pretty fleshed out from the start, and so far it flows nicely among the other story lines. Overall I am just proud of all we have achieved so far, just a few more events to go before the climax. Chapter 28 "Masks for The Carnivore Ball" is finally gonna be the dinner scene and lead up to how the school ark and the mafia ark fits together. Have a good time and keep the tissues ready
Editors: SuperAverageFoxyboy, Some Random reader32
Enjoy!
-Portal
Chapter 27: Dear Mother
Legosi had nearly forgotten his visit to his grandparents in the ruckus of buying suits and preparing for the dinner at Tokugawa's palace. When his Grandpa wrote to him of being excited for the visit his heart sank in his chest. Even though he knew he had to go through on his promise and he had to face whatever fear he had, It still took a considerable part of his energy to return to his dorm and packed a travel bag for a trip back home after nearly five years of having not returned.
Now he and Juno stood side by side on the train, his right hand clutching the holding bar on the ceiling, his other holding his bag. Juno stood beside him, her arm hooked into his. She noticed his head turned to the ground with a face that would make anyone tear up if you looked at it long enough.
Legosi felt the warm lips of his girlfriend on his cheek. He looked at her with a worry-some face.
"Are you ok?" She asked, as she always did. Legosi crumbled just a bit and sighed. A comforting thought flowed through his head. Seems like my nightmares smothered hers. Now that she has to care for me she no longer has the fear of losing me… I was so foolish for ever doubting your love Juno.
"I haven't visited home in almost five years… I feel… nervous and guilty. How Grandpa must've felt over all that time… I don't even know what to say to him when he opens the door."
Juno caressed his cheek, eliciting eye contact from the wolf. He looked sad, his eyes holding the perfect definition of puppy eyes. Juno smiled, trying to show him that everything was ok, even if she perfectly felt his conflicting feelings.
"Ok… no point in returning now." With Juno by his side the wolf felt comfort in his fear, knowing he wasn't alone. There were reasons for his suffering and he was taking the steps to end said suffering. It took courage, but everything hard takes courage.
The train ride was over after half an hour, the public transit coming to a stop at an elevated platform leading up to the raised railways. Legosi stepped off the train and remembered the station vividly. You looked across to the railing by the stairs down to the street level, an old newspaper stand standing there like it had many years ago.
He smiled a bit, making Juno do the same as she observed his features from the corner of her eye. He had come here often with Gosha, one of his favorite memories from his childhood. Childhood… unburdened by fear or worry, simply enjoying the process of learning of the world all around him. Sometimes he wished children never had to learn at all, staying in their cotton candy flavored dream of an adventure.
The pair descended the stairs. Legosi held out his arm like a gentleman. Once they set foot on the streets the wolf knew the way home by heart. The stone pathways over the civilian-only streets over most of the laid back city district, most of the inhabitants being either elders in the twilight of their life or young couples with young kids. Legosi looked across the pathway, past the shops, restaurants, houses and civilians. Faintly he heard music in his ears, a nostalgic memory more likely than really hearing it here.
"Again Grandpa, Again!"
"Only once more little pup. Your mother is waiting for us."
"There was one of those old rides for children you paid for with coins right here… Grandpa and I went here a lot." The machinery he spoke of was no longer here, probably being shipped away as the dying fad that it was.
"You went out often?" Juno asked, her face full of curiosity.
"Grandpa and I went out often I guess. We went walking, went shopping and we often went to Camilla park… I love that park." Legosi smiled even wider when he thought of Camilla park, his favorite place in all of the city. He looked at Juno.
"I still need to take you to that park one day." Juno smiled in return, his happiness being contagious.
"Maybe we can go with your grandpa." She chuckled in response.
"That sounds like a wonderful idea."
Walking past the many streets he traversed during his childhood was a weird experience to say the least. There were places he stared at longer than others and some he couldn't even believe they were still around just as they had been when he walked the streets here. Five years wasn't that long for sure, but it did feel like at least he had changed in some way. But sometimes one had to realize that home didn't change, one self had changed.
Legosi stopped in the middle of the small stone path leading between the buildings that weren't linked to the street. It was a building cramped in between a few shops that shielded the back part of the property from the street entirely while the front hid itself by this unassuming path. The building was adorned in a bright red color that satisfied his eyes and pleased his memories that this place hadn't changed.
"My Kindergarten…" memories of Jack, of Grandpa, of finding his joy for insects… the memory of mother…
"Legosi?" Juno asked from the side, Legosi quickly brushing the tear out of his face.
"I'm ok… just…" He looked at the bright red facade. "I haven't thought about this place in so long. There's a lot here I still need to work through."
"No one is going to judge you for being emotional, ok? You're safe here, with me. You can always say when you need a pause." Legosi smiled at her, breaking up her worry at least a bit.
"I know Juno." He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I love you."
"I love you too Legosi" She answered, her arm hooked into his. And so they continued onward to his grandfather's apartment.
Ascending the steps to Gosha's apartment became harder with every step forward. Legosi knew he couldn't bail, if he did he would probably never get over the fear at all. The first foot set on the balcony they were greeted by a young goat in blue overalls.
"Good morning." He nodded at the two and walked down the stairs behind them, no reaction of fear at all. Apparently he was used to carnivores on the floor. After stepping onto the balcony Legosi's legs began to become static for a few moments, cramping up as if his mind was cutting the contact to his legs. Juno held onto him and grabbed his right hand and held it with both of her own.
"I got you, don't forget that." Her voice was muted but still noticeable, the antidote to his peril. The next few steps were even harder to take as his nerve system seemingly had fallen asleep and crashed altogether, needing some time to reboot. They came to a stable rhythm of Legosi using Juno's hold to heave himself forward with every step properly.
They ended up before the door to his apartment, Legosi's legs properly working now, but his mind was still screaming for him to immediately turn around and run back to the train. There were two voices in his head fighting for dominance.
You'll see her door and feel like a puppy again, you'll crumble under the pressure, you can't do this to yourself.
If I don't confront myself I'll never return to this place.
The wolf sighed and clutched his girlfriend's hand, feeling his whole body grow stiff with anxiety. He breathed out and shook for a second, hearing Juno by his side again.
"Remember Mo-"
"Monsters are only imaginary. One, two , three, monsters are only imaginary." He repeated the therapy mantra and moved his closed fist forward, knocking on the door with a heavy heart.
The agonizing seconds of waiting time were the times that the voices in his head were loudest, screaming for him to turn around urgently and immediately run. From this place, from his memories, from the door inside of this apartment.
The door opened, and he eased up a bit. The Komodo dragon that opened the door shimmered almost in the daylight.
"Hello Legosi, Hello Juno. It's a pleasure to meet you finally, Legosi told me a lot about you." Juno answered with a warm smile of her own.
"It's an honor to meet you Sir." Gosha waved the term off.
"Call me Gosha… Now both of you come on inside, it's freezing out there."
Legosi finally awoke from his stasis and hugged his grandfather, being a bit taller than the Reptile. Gosha in response patted his back, holding him close, basking in the first hug between them in five years.
"I'm so sorry grandpa." Legosi sobbed into his shoulder, barely holding the floodgates, keeping back the guilt. He felt terrible for all these years he had damned his only family to spend his time alone only because he made him responsible for something that he couldn't control.
"It's ok Legosi, you're here now" They both hugged for a good few seconds, completely overtaken by the many feelings they had tried to forget for so long in unison. Grief, sadness, bitterness and guilt. They broke apart, Gosha kissing his grandson on the forehead.
"Come on in, it's cold out there." The reptile ushered the she-wolf into his apartment, closing the door on the chilly autumn air.
The two wolves settled by the table, taking off their jackets in the cozy and warm apartment. Juno instinctively tried to pant, stopping herself just short of doing so. Gosha prepared tea for the two and placed the cups in front of them, sitting down opposite of them at the coffee table.
"I'm very grateful that you two have decided to visit me today. As I see a lot has happened." Gosha looked at Juno
"I'm delighted to finally meet you Juno. Legosi has told me often about you, you make my grandson very happy." Juno wasn't surprised how calm and kind Legosi's grandfather was, that kindness was a family trait. But the age of Gosha did surprise her. He seemed younger than most grandparents, and by his build he seemed a lot stronger too.
"We both had an impact on each other, I know that much." Juno answered, resting her hand on Legosi's, smiling at him.
"I heard." Gosha chuckled. "What have you two been up to?"
The two wolves looked at each other with a hint of panic for a moment, Legosi awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.
"Well… it's kind of a long story grandpa." He nervously laughed, looking at his mate in panic.
"Honesty is best I think… we've learned that now." Juno solemnly replied to his begging eyes, her own tone indicating that she herself was partly ashamed of the fact that they now had to be truthful with the reptile, even if it would've been easier to just lie.
Gosha looked at them both with confusion. Legosi looked back at him and sighed.
"Well… you want to know what happened in those five years? Well…" He let out a second, more exasperated sigh.
"Let me start from the beginning, just after I left…"
What followed was another one of those long rambling one-sided conversations mostly filled by Legosi explaining, Gosha understood and of course getting worried and unbelieving halfway through the mafia story. To Legosi's and Juno's amazement the Komodo dragon didn't once question the legitimacy of the whole ordeal. Legosi quickly and painfully remembered that he never had a knack for lying, never had he really tried.
"I'm glad that you're even sitting in front of me at the moment but why did you do something so foolish that could've gotten you and your friends killed?" Gosha was worried and disappointed, sure, but the fact that he believed them was a thing to be grateful for. Juno pressed Legosi's hand slightly, still encouraging in any way she could.
"We saved a friend of ours." Legosi admitted, letting the air in the room accommodate that information. Gosha was silent for a moment, comprehending the information.
"You went out into the black market to save a friend of yours with no one but you and a bunch of your friends storming the building?" Gosha asked, not in disbelief but to make sure he had gotten every detail of the story. Gosha looked between them two and then at his grandson again. He sighed, looking off to a specific picture frame on his wardrobe.
Legosi followed his line of sight and felt his entire body turn into goosebumps. The picture of Grandma Toki, Gosha and his mother, just an unassuming young pup held by her mother.
"I guess doing foolish things for a greater cause runs in the family, doesn't it?" He smiled In a way that knew just enough of the curse of bad decisions that ran through their family line.
"I can't be mad… you did something to help others, it may have been foolish but it came from a good heart. That is what counts." Gosha drank his tea with melancholic reflection beset on him. Legosi came to realize that the fraction of a second where Gosha's face was truly sad, back when he told him that he'll go to school with Jack, that moment, that fracture of time… that it changed him in a fundamental way. He was a man who had seen his wife and child die, a man that had his only family turn away from him in hatred. He had lost many more things than most people would ever even have…
"I'm sorry either way Grandpa… I really don't want to put any more emotional strain on you then I have." The wolf looked down at the table, Gosha's reaction mirroring Legosi's epiphany of before. Apparently neither of them knew how much the other had suffered.
"It's ok Legosi, I'm happy that both of you are here. I got nothing else I would wish to have at the moment other than both of your company." His warm response brought a smile onto the wolf's face, his mate mirroring the expression.
"Do you both have any plans for the weekend?" Gosha asked the two, Legosi looking up from the table at his mate and then at his grandfather.
"I thought we may go and visit Camilla park. I wanted to show Juno my favorite place in the city… after that… I don't really know." Legosi shrugged, clueless.
"If both of you have no concrete plans then I'd propose that we watch a movie and then visit the night market. Camilla park is much more beautiful at night anyway." Gosha remarked, his grandson reacting with cheerful excitement.
"That sounds wonderful." He looked at Juno, an inquiring look to make sure she was ok with the plan. She smiled.
"I've never been to Camilla park, I'm excited to finally see it."
After the family had made their plans the two young wolves gathered their bags and walked into the back hallway of the apartment, revealing to them the long hallway that Legosi's nightmares had been about. Being used to fearful people in his life, Gosha took the lead and stood in front of the right wing, blocking their views from it.
"Your bedroom is in your old room, Legosi." The wolf didn't need to be told twice, finding the unchanged room after a few steps towards the first door.
The room was unchanged for many years, cleaned yes, but not rearranged. It was like it had been in his memories all the while ago. Two mattresses were placed right next to each other, covered with one fitted bed cover and fresh linen. His old bed still stood in the corner right lined up to the wall leading to his mother's room. Legosi placed the palm of his hand against it, and leaned full towards it, laying his ear towards it. About as close as I ever could get to you at night.
His ear picked up nothing, no steps on the wood floor, no words being whispered in the dark, nothing. She had moved on long before he ever could. Out of the sudden the fear that was normally there to accompany him suddenly changed to overwhelming sadness.
"Legosi?" Juno watched her mate sag together at the wall, openly crying as he clutched himself. She came to him and knelt down, her hands on his arm.
Even if she tried to speak now no sounds would come out, his crying was one of the worst sounds she had ever heard and would ever hear, she was sure of that. She suddenly felt another presence and looked to her side. The Komodo dragon had come, sitting down beside her, his hand resting on the wolf's knee.
They didn't exchange any words, nor was there a need too. They simply sat and were there, being there in the moment where Legosi let all the sorrow go, all the pain of his mothers passing.
Another heart breaking sob echoed through his arms and he finally emerged from the pile he had become.
His tear stained face looked at the two and softly went up to hug them both. There they were, no more carnivores… just people dealing with severe sadness.
The door to his mother's room opened with a single turn of the door handle. Legosi saw the room in the state as it had always been in. A single bed tucked away in the corner of the room, a window that had still the holes of nails outside of the frame, as it had been boarded up for as long as Mother inhabited this space. Maybe a single split would've been free to let the sun shine inside when the morning came, but more did the Komodo wolf-dragoness not allow herself.
The mirror on her desk cabinet was destroyed, not a single mirror shard still in the frame. The frame was filled out with pictures of herself and him, unassuming pictures of the two of them in their full wolf form. It was a shrine to normality, to celebrate that she fixed the deviation caused by Gosha and Toki. If only you loved yourself more mom…
A new found anger beset itself in Legosi's heart, a muted outcry in the sea of sadness. His mother suffered tremendously out of the societal stigma that wolves were supposed to be tall creatures of pride, the evolutionary peak of strength and beauty. Knowing she would be an outcast to her friends, to her social groups, to her teachers was detrimental to her. She had lost her mother at an incredible young age, knocking another support pillar from underneath her.
Legosi continued to walk through the room that seemed to be more an empty storage space than actual sleeping quarters, even now. It seemed so quiet in here the silence was deafening.
"Legosi" Gosha's voice in the silence nearly got Legosi to jump among the dead silence. He looked to the door, seeing Juno and Gosha stand beside each other, peaking into the room.
"Just checking if you're alright. We're right here you know." Both of them looked worried, observing the wolf walking through the room.
"I'm alright, thank you." He answered and turned back around, making his way to the last stop of his little journey, Her bed. The sheets were neat and tidy, Gosha obviously having cleaned this room while trying his best to keep it most in the state when she left the house the last time on her way to the bridge.
The thought hurt but it was the truth, it looked most certainly like it had looked six years ago when she was still alive, When she still stuck her hand through the hole to check his face of any blemishes or scales caused by their genes. When she was still manipulated by the view of the world and it's terribly jaded ways.
"Hi mom." Legosi knelt down in front of the bed, like a child would stay by a mother's side. He held onto the covers, not daring to leave any marks of his claws behind. This place was hers and hers alone, no one should disturb it even when visiting to say hello.
"I know your grave wouldn't have been the same, I needed to come home." He sighed, the bed still empty, yet his mind filled in the blanks of where she would be laying, how she always did.
"I know you were always so scared of being different mom… I know that that was what killed you in the end. But… I don't want you to be ashamed anymore." His inner mind's picture showed the Wolf-Dragoness pulling the sheet over herself.
"I'm here now, and I won't ever judge you for what you are. You are my mother after everything." an eye peaked past the sheets, gazing just onto the wolf.
"It's ok. I'm right here." He patted the still unturned sheets, the Wolf dragoness looking at him with sad and tearful eyes.
"I'm sorry…" Mother's voice uttered in his head
"You don't have to be. I know what the world made you think you are… I know what you thought of yourself… but that ends now. No matter what happens when or where, I love you still. Nothing will change that." The sheets stayed as they were, mother repositioning herself slowly but steadily until finally her face came to be seen. Half her muzzle was covered in scales, her left eye was a small black pupil while her right one was adorned in a beautiful blue color.
She reached out and grabbed his hand, a feelingless touch that still meant so much more than any physical contact while she was alive.
"I'm so proud of you."
The Bed was empty, but it was at peace. The feelings of terrible regret had passed, and the feeling of terror as well. She slept peacefully now, whole in body and mind, just some place else…
"Goodbye mom" Legosi looked at the ceiling, gazing through it into the sky much higher. She was alright now.
Legosi left the room and closed the door behind himself, taking one last long look at the hole. He reached through it, his hand easily fitting into it. He patted the wood on the other side and pulled his hand out. And that was the fate of Solomon Grundy…
When he walked back into his room Juno immediately approached him, taking him in to make sure he was alright.
"Did it go ok?" He answered with a warm smile and kissed her.
"Thank you… I would've probably never done that without you." They hugged for a delightful few moments, the world very unimportant for a while. They loosen up a bit, still holding each other while allowing to look into each other's eyes.
"Excited to go watch a movie?"
The cinema was rather quiet and only had a sparring amount of people inside of it. Perhaps it was the fear of dark spaces that kept herbivores away but only a few groups of small and large breed carnivores were decently placed apart in the theater. Legosi didn't pay much mind to the movie, more so floating in a feeling of ease over having said his goodbyes to his mother, five years too late. But he was free of the fear now.
The movie concluded just after nightfall, only a few hues of orange at the corner of the sky sinking to the other side of the world. When they wandered a bit further the sky had turned to complete darkness except for the stars.
The night market itself had a calm feeling to itself, being set in the first section of Camilla Park. Wooden stalls that lined the way deeper in the park. There was chocolate, pickled vegetables, roasted nuts and other various goodies strewn apart.
Gosha and the Group ran into the old skunk Mr. Fyui who immediately delved into conversation with Gosha, who quietly waved them two to go ahead.
They came onto the first hill after just a little walk-way. The heightened landfill could look into the nearby valley lake park stretching before their eyes, shielded from the city with lanes of high growing trees.
The two wolves settled down at the trunk of a lone tree overlooking the church sat at the base of the hill, signaling the beginning of the park's main part.
"That's the church that I talked about." Legosi pointed at the White wooden church, the single building having been refurbished since Legosi last saw it.
"oh…" Juno leaned forward, observing in amazement the absolute picturesque beauty of the house of prayers adorned with a Golden Rex ointment on the top pillar of the small Bell tower.
"It looks beautiful…" Juno's eyes were transfixed by the building seemingly shining in the moonlight, standing strong in the open field.
She leaned back again and enjoyed the view, turning to Legosi a little while after.
"Did you… say what you came here to say?" She asked out of curiosity and worry for him, she wanted him to feel good just as he had wanted her to feel good. The wolf sighed.
"Mom wanted nothing more than to see me live a normal life…" Legosi squeezed her hand, looking at her, hopelessly in love. "I think despite everything, I can do that."
They kissed on the hill in front of the church they would get married in one fateful summer night. Even if the event seemed infinitely away, it was set in stone at that moment.
When the group got home, Gosha sent the two off to bed where the two wolves collapsed in exhaustion, falling asleep in each other's arms as usual.
Legosi dreamed of the door again, but instead of it being drenched in darkness a bright light shone through the hole. The knob turned, his body walking to the door in the waddling walk that his three year old self had.
"My dear Legosi" Leano grabbed her infant son and lifted him high, her pure wolf face shining in the light. She smiled a blinding smile up at him, his arms outstretched as she made him float in the air, his face being one of pure childish joy.
Leano hugged her son close, in the doorway that had caused him nightmares until the age of seventeen. And in the light of the day she shone like a pure star did, like Juno would one day Shine to her young son. And for once, everything was right and she was at peace.
"I'll love you until the stars stop shining, and even longer."
