NOW
"ALIENS!"
Whatever had been sneaking around in the bushes lunged out of them in a flash, barreling towards Johnny like a cougar leaping for its' prey. Johnny for his part knew she was coming, and as soon she made her move batted her away with his mace, slamming her towards the ground like a baseball. The intruder quickly rebounded and gained her footing, effortlessly leaping out of a rising cage of stone summoned up by Chirps. But that leap was all it took for Sonic and Mina to come rushing in and tie her up with a couple of vines like a carpet
"Good work people!", said Sally. "Now, let's see just who we've got here."
"I'll tell ya this much," said Chirps, "she's got a spring in her step. Reminds me of the time I jumped on that giant spring to the moon. Course, that might've been just another fever dream, but still."
With their assailant now bound and flailing about on the floor as she gnawed at the vines in a desperate attempt to get free, they were all able to get a good look at her. She was an orange and brown badger, her thick, dirty, untied pigtails becoming more and more matted as she continued to roll around on the ground. But perhaps the most striking thing of all about her was that she just didn't know when to shut up.
"LEGGO' OF ME YOU ALIEN PINKO COMMIES! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE REALLY UP TO! WELL, I'LL TELL YA SOMETHIN'! YOU'LL NEVER DELIVER THAT CRATE OF MAGIC SUPER WHISKEY TO THOSE SILLY PUTTY ANGELS NOW, YA HEAR ME?! YOU'RE ALL STOOGES OF THE GOVERNMENT AND THEY'D RATHER EAT YOU FOR BREAKFAST THEN LET YOU HAVE YOUR WAY! LITERALLY! YOU AREN'T ANY BETTER THAN THEM! AND VICE-VERSA! AND WHY YES, I'VE NEVER TAKEN ANY MEDS, WHY DO YA ASK?!"
"We never asked her if she even wanted any meds, did we?", whispered Sally to Johnny.
"Nope," whispered Johnny, "though right now, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea."
Just then, Antione arrived at the campgrounds, nearly collapsing as he ran in ragged towards Sally. "DO… NOT… WORRY… SALLY… I… uh… oh Gaea… I think I shall faint…"
And right behind him came Shortfuse and Bunny, the former flying the latter over at the former's reluctance.
"You okay, sugar?", said Bunnie to Antione.
"Never better," said Antione, as 'okay' as a worn out Coyote who had just raced his way to apparent danger could be.
"Okay," said Shortfuse, "what the hell's going on? Cause we could hear it all the way down the freaking hill. Some of us just want to spend our time doing whatever, you know?"
At seeing Shortfuse, the badger gasped as though as she had seen some lost marvel of the ancient world. "Oh Gaea! It's true! It's the silver-plated squirrel monkey of the outback! Those red eyes can stare right into your soul! Hey, do you even have a soul? I mean, I know I'm tied up and all, but I figure I might as well ask-"
"DO YOU WANNA ASK FOR A BODYBAG?!"
"Hey, not cool!", said Sonic.
"SHORTFUSE!", yelled Sally. "Watch yourself!"
"Watch what?" said Shortfuse, apparently deciding to play the role of Captain I Do Not Give Two Craps.
"Oy,' muttered Sally. "Sonic was never this bad. Look, I know it's tough on you, but to be frank, it's tough on all of us, so—"
"At last most of us aren't wearing a suit of glorified tinfoil. Though maybe you all should. Just to see what it's like."
"SHORTFUSE!", shouted Bunnie. "Lighten up, will ya?"
"That reminds me!", said Sticks. "I need a new light! My old one went out a month ago. Haven't been able to get a new one since. Living in the forest doesn't exactly pay the bills, you know?"
"YOU AREN'T HELPING!", yelled Sally.
"Well, of course I ain't helping! How can I help when I'm tied up and captured like an animal?!"
"ARE an animal!", said Tekno. "Sort of."
"And to be fair," said Johnny, "if you hadn't attacked us in the first place, you really wouldn't be in this mess.
"DON'T YOU LIE TO ME, ALIENS! I KNOW YOU WANT TO SKIN US ALL ALIVE AND WEAR OUR INTESTINES AS HATS! I JUST KNOW! Oh, and my name's Sticks by the way, just an FYI. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
"What do we do with her?", said Porker.
"Skin her alive and wear her intestines as a hat!", said Chirps. If that was meant to have been a joke, no-one was laughing. "Het, somebody had to say it."
"Hey," said Sticks, "if you're gonna' mindwipe me, do it right! Get lights, cameras, things I'd never seen but still know about thanks to reasons which I don't wanna explain! If this is gonna be my last five minutes of fame, make it count!"
"That can probably be arranged…", Harvey started to say before Sally promptly him gave a soft but firm nudge.
"Look," said Sally to Sticks, "we're not going to mindwipe you. We just want to know why you attacked us in the middle of the woods like some sort of, well…"
"Animal?", said Tekno.
"Well, when you put it like that…"
"Oh, that," said Sticks. "Well, I wasn't about to let any stinking aliens try to turn my home into intergalactic fertilizer to build their exploding cosmic inter-dimensional eggplants, was I? I'M ON TO YOU!"
"Uh," said Mina, "are you sure you're alright? That is, in the head I mean?"
"Course I am!", said Sticks. "I've banged this puppy against more boulders than you can count and it still ain't broken! Why do you ask?"
"That wasn't exactly what I meant." Mina started to wonder if her own head was alright.
"'Your home'?", said Sally. "You mean you live there?"
"Course!", said Sticks. "You'd think the loincloth would've given it away by now!"
Just as she said, Sticks was wearing nothing more than a loincloth and a ragged strap of cloth covering and holding together her breasts.
"Fascinating!" Tekno's speech suddenly became that much more articulate as her interest was aroused. "You've lived here your entire life then?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out! Though yeah, I guess I have. Well, ever since I was six anyway. Or was it seven? I'm not too good at the maths. Heck of a foreign language if I ever saw one."
"That would explain how you're so fluent in Mobian. If you had been here ever since you were born, you wouldn't have been able to understand a word we've said."
"So let me get this straight," said Sally. "You thought that we were invaders—"
"ALIEN invaders," said Sticks, "make sure you get that right!"
"Uh, alien invaders trying to grow (I can't believe I'm even saying this,) exploding cosmic inter-dimensional eggplants." Sally slowly draped her palm over her furry face, wondering how she'd come to this.
"With just a dash of vinegar! Always hits the spot."
"I'm sure. Look. None of us were trying to grow whatever was you thought we were trying to grow."
"Exploding eggplants," said Sticks.
"Right. In any case, none of us were planning on doing anything that could ruin your home. That said, I suppose you do have some house guests."
"And what's that supposed to mean?! And what's a house?"
And so Sally told Sticks about what had occurred over the last few days. Of how the vile, vicious Eggman took over the sweet and innocent Mobotropolis; of how a young and valiant hero with the help of her sexy not!boyfriend saved the day! And how for the time being, Knothole Forest was where the Freedom Fighters were crashing.
"Ohhhh. So, you aren't aliens?"
"Did we ever say we were?", said Sally.
"Maybe? Though I still don't trust ya. What if you're gonna try and murder me in my sleep? Or steal my pet boomerang when you ain't lookin'? Or use your super-duper-secret-special magic to turn me into a newt!"
"A newt?!", said Harvey, incredulously as could be.
"And no, I'm not giving you that punchline!", said Sticks.
"You know," whispered Sonic to Sally, "some people say I'm a bit insufferable, but she makes me look the modicum of droll."
"Sticks," said Sally, "all we're looking for is a place to hide out from Eggman and serve as a base of operations. That's it. And we're pretty sure we've found it."
"I guess you could be on the level. But I ain't gonna let you live here without giving me something in return!"
"Dude," said Sonic, "you're tied up. Methinks you're not in any real position to be giving demands."
"For once he is right," said Antione, finally having caught his breath. "You are overpowered and outmatched. Perhaps it would be best if you simply let us be?"
"Stand down Antione," said Sally.
"Maybe she needs a laser to the face," said Shortfuse.
"NO. No, Shortfuse. Just no. Anyway, depending on what it is, we may be able to get you what you need. Just what do you want?"
"Well," said Sticks, "any other day of the week, I'd want a statue made out of muskrat teeth with my name on it, but I think I'll just settle for something shiny. Sticks likes her shinies. Come to think of it, the big angry doofus in the suit of armor is shiny. Can I have him?"
Shortfuse's hands clenched as he fumed in place, doing his best not to slip into a murderous rage and wear Stick's intestines as a hat.
Bunnie trying her best to cool down the powder keg. "Now, now, hon, there's gotta' be somethin' else you want. Somethin' that isn't an actual Mobian."
"Well, let me think. Thinking done. Oh, I know! That mongoose has a couple of really shiny looking pins in her hair! Gimme."
"But," said Mina, "but, my pins…"
"Don't worry Mina," said Sally, "I'll get you some new pins later, okay?"
"You don't understand, Sally. These pins are from my mom. I can't just give them away! Especially not to some stranger."
"Hey!", said Sticks. "I'm not a stranger! You've known me your whole life! Or at least you will once I finish that time machine I've been working on! Wooden time machines are killer!"
Harvey had enough. He took out a small silver coin from his satchel and flipped it over to Sticks, whose eyes were transfixed upon the small flying shiny as though she were a cat eyeing a piece of string. "SHINY…"
"I trust that will be sufficient?", said Harvey.
"Does that mean 'good enough'?"
"Let us roll with that, shall we?"
"Eh, okey-dokey. You got a deal! Now, if you don't mind, I'm starting to get kind of cramped. Can someone get me out of this?"
Shortfuse made aim to fire his laser straight at the vine and consequently straight through Sticks, but one stern look from Sally was enough to tell him that was a no-no. "Allow me sugar," said Bunnie. She walked over to Sticks as best she could, starting to get a handle on her balance even if it still needed a bit of work, and promptly tore the vine straight off of her person like tissue paper. "Well now, maybe I could get used to this after all!"
"Hot-cha! Free at last! Free at last! Gaea almighty, I'm free at last!"
"You do know you've only been tied up for three minutes, right?", said Porker. "If that."
"Doesn't matter, I'm FREE! And I got a shiny! Stick likes shinies."
"Just what were you planning to do with it anyway?", said Tekno. "If I may ask?"
"Simple. Drop it into the nearest river to appease the wrath of the river people! What else? I GOT MY EYE ON YOU, YOU BIG FISHY EMBARRASSMENTS!"
"Right." Sally, rubbed her forehead as she wondered just how much longer she'd have to put with little miss paranoia. "Anyway, if you need us, we'll be here, but—"
Just then, Harvey's head twitched, his eyes darting up above to something that only he seemed to be able to see. The others looked up towards the same spot, but all they saw was the green canopy of leaves covering them from above. Or at least until a small green non-Mobian bird darted straight through them and crashed headlong into the ground.
"A-HA!", said Sticks. "THERE REALLY ARE ALIENS! AND THEY'RE FALLING FROM THE SKY! QUICK, EVERYONE GET TO A SHELTER BEFORE THE UFO HITS! EVERY MOBIAN FOR THEMSELVES!"
"Sticks," yelled Sally, "calm down!"
"Sound advice," said Harvey. "Especially when this little bird is far from our enemy."
Everyone took a closer look at the bird, though amazingly, he seemed to be doing just peachy if a tad loopy. It was carrying a letter around its' neck, one addressed to Harvey specifically. "Ah, said Harvey. "I do hope it doesn't say what I expect it to say."
"Which is?", said Sonic.
Harvey opened the letter and, shock of all shocks, it said exactly what he thought it was going to say. Every moment had his attention as he scanned it for more info, and when he turned back to his colleagues, there was still no doubt that he'd been telling the truth and nothing but.
"Some most unsettling news everyone. It seems that there is some rather disturbing activity in Green Hill. It appears that a group of mercenaries has begun to mobilize for an as yet unknown purpose. They've done their best to conceal themselves, but I wrote the book on concealment, one which I've made my sure my agents have read in great measure. They've also seemed to have made camp near a small village in the heart of Green Hill, far away enough not to be noticed, but close enough so that they can strike when the time is right. We're still not sure exactly what it is they're planning, but whatever it is, it most assuredly cannot be good. And here's the best part. They have robots with them."
"Eggman." Sonic clenched his fist as though he were squeezing Eggman's big fat throat right in his grip.
"Obviously," said Sally, "we can't just let Eggman get away with whatever he's planning, but we can't just send everyone running off to deal with it. We need to keep some of us behind, both to help start things up here in Knothole as well as deal with anything Eggman tries to pull here in the Wood Zone. The Wood Zone is the heart of the kingdom, and if Eggman wants to begin taking over the rest of the island in earnest, that's where he'll need to start."
"That being the case," said Johnny, "looks to me like there's somethin' rather special in Green Hill if he's trying to pull somethin' there this early."
"I agree. We need to send in a small force. One that can get in quick and not attract too much attention, but can also deal with whatever Eggman's planning over there if they need to. We need someone who's fast—"
Just then, Sally knew just who to send, and as she looked over to Sonic, she could tell by the gleam in his eye that he was thinking the same exact thing.
"Do you even need to ask?", said Sonic.
"Probably not. Sonic, you and Mina need to head over to Green Hill. You've got the speed to get there in the time you need to and, with any luck, the power and the know-how to deal with whatever gets in your way should the need arise. Though I would prefer sending a couple more of us along just to be safe."
"I'll go," said Johnny. "I haven't seen that much action, and I'm lookin' to bust some heads. If it's alright with you."
"Permission granted. Besides, you probably know this island better than anyone. If you want to go with Sonic and Mina, I won't stop you. That just leaves one more slot open."
"And I know who's going in," said Sonic. "You left my lil' bro out of the last mission, and I ain't letting him miss this one."
"I don't know. We may not be bringing him straight into Eggman's lab, but it still might be dangerous."
"C'mon, how bad can it be? Besides, he's got the two fastest things alive with him, and even Johnny in case that's not enough. He'll be fine!"
"Famous last words. But I suppose he needs to start getting in some field experience at some point. Sonic, if you let them harm so much as one hair on his head—"
"Hey, don't worry about it! He's gonna have his big bro around! What's there to worry about?"
"Plenty. But if Mina and Johnny are looking after him, I suppose he'll be fine."
"Hey, what about me?!"
Sally smiled as though she had just put a whoopy cushion under someone's seat. "I wouldn't want them to have two babies to look after now, would I?"
"Funny." In truth, Sonic did not find this funny at all.
"Quite. Anyway, I'm going to bet we don't have much time before Eggman's goons do whatever it is they're planning to do. Get whatever you need, then get ready to move out as soon as possible. Understood?"
"Sure thing. Just let me get Tails first and we'll be off before I can say…"
"Succotash."
Sonia muttered to herself as she laid under the comforting shade of the trees. She was thinking about a great many a thing. Three of these things were life, the universe, and everything, but what was most pressing was without a doubt her father. She was never that close to him, but she had still always believed him a decent enough man at heart. But this?
Just then, her ears twitched like a cats' as they picked up on someone rustling through the grass towards her general direction. She leaned up to see just who it was, but she didn't have to. It was Manic, as she was sure it was, coming to make sure his cousin was alright. Because of course he was.
"Hey there, Sonia," said Manic. "So. How you holdin' up?"
"Lousy. Other than that, couldn't be better."
"Cuz, you can't believe what that scumbag said about him, can you?"
"That's the really damning part. I can. Or at least I'm starting to believe he could. Father was never the most honest businessman. He was always sticking his snout into just about everything. Sure, maybe he was never caught, maybe they never found any proof, but everyone knew he always had his mitts in something or another."
"Sonia, he's your father."
"I know he's my father. The same father who never came to her little girl's birthdays. The same father who never sat down and told her a bedtime story. The same father who never tucked her in, spent a smidgen of quality time with her, never went to the festival with her or tuck her in at night or call her daddy's little darling or… well, you get the idea. So why should I care?"
"Cause he's still your dad. At least you've got one."
"So do you Manic."
Manic's smile slowly turned upside down, like a bright vibrant plant gradually beginning to wilt. "Let's not talk about him, okay, Sonia?"
"Okay. Sorry about that. I know how you feel about him. Though you know, I always thought that in his own way, my dad still cared. He still gave me birthday presents. Still picked me up when I fell. Still helped me out whenever I was in trouble. But I never got the sense that he really loved me, or at least not in the way he should have. And so when I hear he's bankrolling a supervillain of all things, I'm just not sure what to think."
"At least he's still alive." Sonia and Mania looked up to see none other than Tails flying down from the sky like a helicopter, landing with enough grace and poise that it would easily earn him four stars.
"Tails!", said Sonia.
"Hey," said Manic, "how you doin', lil' buddy? Sorry we left you behind on the last mission, but what the boss says goes. Though she probably made the right call leavin' you behind anyway. No offense."
"None taken." In spite of what he just said, Tails made it clear that nearly every single offense possible had been taken and meshed together into one single big yarn of offense. Now that was a heck of an achievement. "Anyway, like I was saying, at least your father's still alive. I can't say the same for mine."
"Oh Gaea!", said Sonia. "Oh Tails, I can't believe I forgot, I'm so sorry!"
"Honestly, it's not a problem. Really."
"Glad to hear it. Still though, even if he's alive, so what? He's still going to be a distant, power-hungry SOB even if I do find him. Oh, and in case you didn't get the memo, he's apparently evil now. So there's that too."
"And I understand that. Think of it this way. If you never find your father, you'll never be able to tell him how you feel, will you?"
"Oh. Sonia had apparently never considered such a thing. "I guess not."
"Haven't you ever wanted to tell him what you think of him? To get it all out?"
"Come to think of it, yeah. Yeah, I have!"
"Don't you want to tell him what a lousy father's he been? To tell him what kind of dad he should've been?"
"HELL YEAH!"
"So are you still going to sit around in the forest and mope? Or are you going to do something?"
"You bet your two tails I'm going to do something! I'm going to find out where the heck he is and barge straight into his office and pull him back here by his coattails if I have to and even tar and feather him if it comes to it—!"
"Uh, I don't think we have to go that far."
"Eh, maybe not. Holding that SOB over a cliff by his bootstraps should be enough."
"Well," said Manic, "at least you're motivated."
"You got that right!", said Sonia. "And he's going tell me just what the hell he's doing even if it kills him! And if it doesn't, I might just do the job myself."
Just then, Sonic came rushing through the trees in a blur until he finally skidded to a stop. "Hey Tails!", said Sonic. "Oh, and nice to see you too, cuzzes'."
"Uh, nice to see you too Sonic,", said Tails. "So, have you decided what you're going to do?"
"Yup! I'm stayin' here. And I've got you to thank. Well, I guess I've got Bunnie and Antione and maybe Mina to thank too, but still. Thanks, lil' bro."
Tails was shocked. Incredibly shocked. So much so that in just a moment, he felt the need to ask with complete and utter sincerity, "Who are you and what have you done with Sonic?"
"Relax, lil' bro. It's me, really. I guess I've just kind of realized some things. And one of them's that I've been kind of a tool the last few days. Sorry about that, lil' bro."
Tails briefly considered keeping up this line of inquiry before deciding that maybe, just maybe, this was in fact his big bro. Which if true would have to be nothing short of a miracle. "No problem, big bro. So, what's up."
"You're gonna love this! Me and Mina and Johnny are heading over to Green Hill. Something's going on over there, and we're gonna find out what. And we want you to come along!"
"Me? You really mean it?"
"Course I do! I mean what I say and say what I mean! Which I guess kinda-sorta led to me being such an ass, but you get the idea!"
"And Sally doesn't have a problem with this?"
"Sort of, but she's still willing to go along with it. So, whaddya' say, lil bro?"
"I say, let's do it to it!"
