Chapter 96: The Hell Chef

Part 1: The Hell Chef

It was finally time for Unra Stoneheart to seek the Gorman so she could play the role of The Hell Chef and kill the empoer by posioing his meal and this was a good task one that every assinin dreams of and Unra Stoneheart is was going to make that dream come true.

So Unra Stoneheart had practing for that role and it was then she met Insignificant Irinawho you might rembered from an eairler chapter and she was leading a man to her home and Unra Stoneheart followed and but when they got there Insignificant Irina killered the man and Unra Stoneheart was impressed Insignificant Irina only 19 years old and aldready has the hart of a stone cold killer but the man was not the dead and he was say "help me" so Unra Stoneheart gave Insignificant Irina some guaindace of how to kill and carved the man up while he was still alife and he scream like somone who is in pain.

So than Unra Stoneheart did her first move as The Hell Chef and cooked somone meals with the man's human fleash with the cooking skills that she had leanred while traning to play the role as the chef and they both had a good meal of the man's fleash and so Unra Stoneheart bid Insignificant Irina goodnight and whent back to the Dark Brotherhood sacotnroy and this good.

Part 2: The Gourmet

So now it was at last time for Unra Stoneheart to take her role as the Hell Chef furst Unra Stoneheart came to the Darkbrother hood scantory in Falkreath and spoke to the old dude and he gave her a lowdown on what she must do.

Festus had telling Unra Stoneheart that no one knows who the Gormant is and it is big mystery but he hads a copy of the Gormays cookbook that had bean sighined by the Gorman themsevles and it was sent out to a big fan of his in Markoth and so Unra Stoneheart must go to him and find out where the Gormant is and when she has found this out she is to kill him.

So Unra Stoneheart came to the city Markoth it was a journey of hundereds of miles but she did it fast because he had learned to the telaport to city spell form Alyce and she did and got there. So Unra Stoneheart came to the place and spoke to the gormants fan boi and he say

"Yes, yes, for the hundredth time, I am a Breton. I was born in High Rock. And then I came here. I am not a Reachman!"

So Unra Stoneheart say "I understand you know the Gourmet. Who is he? and Where is he?" and the the man say

"The... the Gourmet? Never! I don't know what led you here, but nothing will betray my trust. I'll take the secret of the Gourmet's identity to my grave."

So Unra Stoneheart sayt "For the Dark Brotherhood, that can be easily arranged." and so the ude say

"The Dark Brotherhood? Now... now wait a minute. Let's not get hasty. I mean, surely my friend wouldn't want me to endanger my own life. Right? Look, his name is Balagog gro-Nolob. He's an Orc! The Gourmet's an Orc! He's staying at the Nightgate Inn. That's all I know! Now... now you'll let me go. Right?"

So Unra Stoneheart sadi "sure" and the chef left and when he went to sleepy that very night Unra Stoneheart killered him in his sleep and he died.

So nao Unra Stoneheart travlered to Nightgate inn and boooked a roomed and thant night she hed downstiars adn spoke to the Gourmet and the Gourmet say

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I can't be of help. I'm just here on... holiday."

"Pretending to be a tourist eh" Unra Stoneheart thinked "but that won't work on me" Unra Stoneheart thinked again and so she say "Soon, the Emperor will die. Murdered, by the Gourmet" and the gourmet freaked out and sayed

"What? The Emperor? But I... Oh. Oh, by the gods, no. No, you can't do this. You can't!"

So than Unra Stoneheart tourcheed and killed the Gourment and took his writ of passage and cloths and than dumped his boady in a vat of wine after choping it up and mincing it so everyone who drank the wine would also be drinking the grouded up boady of the Gourmant. So after hiding his boady and using proffial skills to dimantile his body and mixing it with wine Unra Stoneheart was ready to truley become The Hell Chef.

So Unra Stoneheart headed back to the Falkreath sacotry and spoke with Fetusus and he say

"It seems a certain Orc has disappeared. Which means you not only killed the Gourmet, but disposed of the body as well. You've got the Writ of Passage too, I see. Splendid, splendid... Ah, and word has come in from Markarth that the keep's cook has met an untimely demise. You performed your duties to the letter."

Part 3: The Tasks

So it was all aranged but the date for the killing of the empeor had not come yet and so the Unra Stoneheart was going to have to do some thing while the date came about. So it was that Unra Stoneheart decideded to do some tasks so she can become thane as that would be a good cover for her as so none knows that she is the Hell Chef

So Unra Stoneheart hit the city and ran into a man called and he say and frind of his was died recetny and so he wants his ashes given to the preist dude for like intombmeant or whatever and can Unra Stoneheart like do take there becuase he can't put in like effort to do it himself but this dude was like a real bro so he needs to be intobed. So Unra Stoneheart agrre

Unra Stoneheart took the ashes to the hall of the dead and spoke to the preist there and he agrree to give the final relgion rites and proper bural to this man. Than he membered that he lost his dairy and needs Unra Stoneheart to go and get he elft it in cave of Necroemancers and so Unra Stoneheart went there and killed all the Necromancers and took the diary back to the preist and he was pleased.

It was then that Unra Stoneheart ran into Dengeir of Stuhn the past and fulture Jarl of the city and he was paronoid about impreaial spys in the city and thinks that the man Lod is spying on him and thus wants Unra Stoneheart to steel a letter form her and thus a midnigrht whent the moon is fool Unra Stonheart snuck into his house and stoled the lettered and took the next day to Dengeir the letter jus tsayed

Old Friend,

Need all the iron ore you can dig up. Double my usual order. I know the mine isn't as rich as it used to be, but I'll pay extra.

Lod

He thus admited that Lod is not syping but stil sirpcious of the amount of weapons being made for ethe empire but then he asked if Unra Stoneheart can do another favout and that is his anstor Vighar has borken the seal that is keeping him in place and Vighar is a vampire who is nao raidng an army of the undead and he offered Unra Stoneheart a prise to kill Vighar.

So Unra Stoneheart headed out ot the tower and raninto Titus Vulen and Serana and they worked together to stop Vighar. They seiged the castle and Titus Vulen sawd them and say

"Mmmm, fresh victims for the ever-growing army of the undead"

Then they attakced the vampires and fort them all Unra Stoneheart was using her assing moves and Serana was using ice spells and Titus Vulen was blowing them up with dynmite and killing them other ways. THey also fort and killed Vampire Liches and Vampire Gargolyes and stuff soon they got the Vighar's Arena and sent drakes against them but they took them down. Titus Vulen with shotgun and naplam lucher and Serana did damage with drain blood spell and then Unra Stoneheart used powerfull dark magic attacks.

Than Vighar himslef attacked nad they all fort him doing massiv dmaage Titus Vulen's Naplam Laucher did great damage and Sernaa locked him in place with blood drain but final killing blow was given to Unra Stoneheart with her kill blade.

The victory was had and than Titus Vulen told Unra Stoneheart that Johhny Drunkparrot had tracked down the ship of the pirate on her contract list and so Unra Stoneheart met the piarte Johhny Drunkparrot and she got on his ship and sailed off to fight against the pirate she is hunting. So they all sailed while the crew sang sea shanties and found her ship.

So then they boarded and Unra Stoneheart confrounted Safia and sayed "You face the Dread Lord..." but Safia interupted and say

"Sithis? Let me guess: 'In the Void!' By the gods, you Dark Brotherhood are a predictable lot, aren't you? Okay, here's how this works. You try to assassinate me, and I kill you. Horribly. I have done this dance before, you know."

Unra Stoneheart was taken aback by this and devided to use a atack spell on Safia and kept using it but it wasn't doing any damage and Safia almost kick Unra Stoneheart off the palnk into the see to be eaten by sharks but then Unra Stoneheart manged to grab the age of the ship and Unra Stoneheart used grable hock to atach to the boat and got over and used the power spell on Safia and did major damage and than Unra Stoneheart did evil darkness atack and wone.

So that victry Unra Stoneheart sailed back to Dawnstar with Johhny Drunkparrot and from there took transport back to Falkreath witch is journy of hundreds of miles. So when Unra Stoneheart got back she whent to see Nazi and handed in that last of his contracts and hes say this words.

"By Sithis, now I am truly impressed! To kill a pirate captain, on her own ship no less? Simply masterful! You've not only earned your payment, but my respect as well. And believe me, friend - that does not come easily. I'm afraid that concludes our business. You have exhausted all available additional contracts. But I'm sure you've got plenty to keep you busy right about now, hmm?"

Then Unra Stoneheart got made Thane of Falkreath and got a houseguard Rayya who looks like that lady from secound Conan the Barbarian film and that is good cover to give some respect.

Part 4: The Nights Before

So now Unra Stoneheart spoke to Astrid and she say what Unra Stoneheart has to do next

"Go now to Castle Dour in Solitude. Present the Gourmet's Writ of Passage to the officer in charge, Commander Maro. I'm sure you remember him. You'll gain unrestricted access to the kitchens, and then the Emperor. You're posing as a chef, so you'll be able to poison his meal rather easily. Here, take this - it's called jarrin root. All it takes is one taste, and the effects are quite immediate. The Emperor will be serving Sithis before he even knows he's dead. Once Mede has been killed, escape through the upper door, and across the bridge. I've "arranged" for it to be unguarded once the alarm is sounded. Now go, my friend. Go, and fulfill your destiny as Listener."

So Unra Stoneheart took the long journey to Solitude to make it in time for the Empoerers Feast and she arvied it was to take palce in two days time and but when she got there she had to find a place to stay. This was easy becaues the Musem has a safe room that she was alowed to use and she went to slep there but on the way in Unra Stoneheart sawed Bob the Bard and preist they were are standing outside the musem.

He was telling them that musem is closed to public so Unra Stoneheart and Bobus the Bardass tolds him that they are some of the cultivators of the musem and so he saied that is good because there has been an inccdent and they caled in the presit of Arkay. So Unra Stoneheart asked if somone dyed and was diapoint when he said that isn't what haped but then he sayed that the musem is plagued by a ghost of somokind and they need to deal with it as it was begning to unerve the visitors and the owner of the musem himself.

So Unra Stoneheart sayed "if it's not dagerous why bother a ghost might bring in more pepole who would intrested in seeing one" but the prest say that it is unkown if it is no dangerous but ghosts might become dangeorus if not apeased. So they both asked him what they need to do and he told them that he needs them to find out why the place is haunted and try and find cluse as to the ghosts motives. The ghost aprears at night so they should meat him back at nine.

So Unra Stoneheart and Bobus the Bardass went around town doing minor tasks and looking in ships and shops and such.

Than it was time for hte musem taskts of ghost dealing with and they spoke to the preist and he say to look in the libary and so they did but than creepy musci was the playing and goast sounds looks like it is was going to be a long night.

So they got to the main gally room and it seemd that somone was doing moving of furture because there are charis stackeds to the cealing in the centure of teh room and in the other side there are crates stacked as well and this is very undity.

So they got ot the libary and there was moar untidnes a whole tower books stakced rong and piled to the celing this was not the good and infact is teh bad. So than Unra Stoneheart walked up the stairs and Bobus the Bardass walked into the study and whent Bobus the Bardass go to the study all boks flew around and there was scary sound so he figured he would go upstiars.

Unra Stoneheart came to upstairs and loked on every floor until she got the top floor and than she came to a sofa and there was scary sound again and moar books flew but she found note

The note was a letter to someone's love the person whose wrote the letter was the caleld Niles this dint intrest Urna Stoneheart but it mite be to do with teh gohst so she took the letter to the prest and met Bobus the Bardass on the way tere.

The presit told them that it was a letter form Lord Macnarian to his wife and that he is was name Niles Macnarian was he benifactor who paid and oversaw construction of this building. Then he told them that some of the weepons on the walls flew at him and tried to hurt him. So he is going to lay down and take a nap in the beds in the barakcs rooms

So Unra Stoneheart and Bobus the Bardass both had sleeps for two hours on beds there and than tere both woken ups by preist saying "You have to sea this! the manacins have come to live and are wonderign around musem and some have baricarded themselves on the otherside. While others...

then some books flew at them with moar scary "so he was saying this isn't what he wanted to show them but there is denfintly somehting offf here and maybe they should check in the natural sieance musem or the office or the wine celler Imma check Dedre and lost empires for moar clues"

The manquins did seem to be having a good time the steel one was drinking and revaling and they came to next room and dining room table and plates is nao on teh cleaing!1

Moar manacins were haging around in the main part and than that the Unra Stoneheart and the Bobus the Bardass heded to the Natural History Musem and it was flooded down at the bottem of the stars and tey got in and all teh models were alvied and a giant attacked them and they fort it Bobus the Bardass was atacking legs with his bladed fiddle and Unra Stoneheart was using dark magic and soon they killered it but than they fort the mamoth and kilered it as well.

Than Bobus the Bardass found a book witch is jounral book and it say that he ws having difuclt finding materials for the temple he is having built but nao he some sotne left over and amy he make a stuatue with it also he had a painting of himself made would be nice to have in temple.

So tried to lock for the presit but cold nto found him and they loked in the wine celler and cleart this ghost is a drunked cause there empty wine bottle piled uip like pryids and they all fell down. So than at last they found him in the dedric hall and spoke to him and showed him the journal.

So he say that they dealing with the ghost of Lord Macnarian hinself but can't undsestand why Lord Macnarian would be so pissed because this palce was named for him before being a musem so Unra Stonheart sugested that may he is not wanted to be forogten. So he thinks that is possible and say they should find the paiting of Lord Macnarian mention in journal.

So they came to amoury and it was baricaded the maicons don't want thme coming maybe they at war with annimaly satutes and so Bobus the Bardass and Unra Stoneheart went to storage and found the painting. So they went and tok it the preist and he say "great supor lets hang it up and this will be all over by monring. Hazzah!"

So Bobus the Bardass and Unra Stoneheart whent to bread and got some sleep but thatn they both woke up and blood and fire and other eivel things was everwear and bad and evant worse the prest was the dead he was burn to dead and tere was a note about Lady Macnarian burning to deaf in a fire and that is hwo she dyed and was then dead and that is bad. Redrum was not rule dout and Lord Macnarian who had edicated his live to building temples to the nine and was working on temple to Talos in Skyrim in Solitude got drunk and fell to his deaf as well. The hall was then named Macnarian hall in their memory.

In the dining room tere ar all skelintons at the temple adn moar blood and whne they got out tere is a vocie "behind you" and Bobus looked around and sawed a haning burning corpes this would have scared him before but not nao though it is till not nice.

There are skulls burning and all door are lucked and tere is burning stakes blocking the stiars and one of the doors is boreded up with skulls and a dead guy dawn and wquted in midlde of room tere skelington imapled in the pacle were staff of magnus should be

So they headed into another cariora dn there is a "I will kill you!" and some shadow ppeoke attacked. Unra Stoneheart used dark fire magic and Bobus the Bardass ised bladed fiddle they killered the shaows and made things betrer but not rite. THan they saw that downstair suction was flooded and it was fool fo dead dudes and the door is also lucked and tere is anothere door in another cooridor with some skiltion trying to pull himself thoguht it.

So they were out of idead until Unra Stoneheart found a jorunal cause she like dead things and she weas looking at quatered dead dude and the dead due on cleaing when she found journla which shows that psyoctoic evil women are oftern undervauled because they are autclly useful and she read the jounal and it was aobut the last days of Lord Macnarian when he herd about his wif Lady Macnarian's death and about going to walk near the hot springs are nao which is wear he feel and dyed. He also menioned abut statue to Lady Macnarian and how it was going to be a tribute to her but now would be a mermoial.

Then they both woke up adnw aere being talked to by the prest who say the wondered here passeed out in the hall and they told him that they had some kind horrible shared nightmare but Unra Stonehear chiped in say she din't think it was so horrible and she think was nice dream but the prest told them this wan't a dream or nitemare but Lord Macnarian himself. THen Bobus the Bardass pointed out that they things they found in dream/nitmare are very real and Unra Stoneheart showed him the journal and Bobus the Bardass showed him amulet of Arkay and he is even bemuesed and told them to ivstiagte the place where dyed.

So they got to the hot springs wtich is where Lord Macnarian fell to his deaf which not really make sense cause there is invisable walls around the hot springs cause Skyrim is stupid like that none of the games in serioes had so many invasbile walls so why Skyrim. Anyways so they got to the palce and found a note a recit betwee rocks. Johhny Drunkparrots ship was below them in the docks so they were high up. The note had said was about a staue of Lady Macnarian that was comisoned to build for 8,000 septims and 4,000 septims had already bean payed it only needs nao for the over 4,000 septims.

So they took to the prest and he say that its amasing that it surived all this time it must have been protected by the sprit of Lord Macnarian so we must take action on it. He new tha answestor of the dude who was to carve the satue so they should take it to him. and the y did.

He say this was soemhing that his great great gandfather had carved and akse that after hree generations they finally collecting it and they yes it was good because it had bean collecting dust in the celler they never sold it beasue it was aldread half payed for. THen it was that the Bobus the Bardass and Unra Stoneheart payed for it with musem budjet and it would be brough tere in a dayed.

So Unra Stonehear slept in the room provided for the curator and Bobus at his his home in soltude and they got back and saw the statue was otuside and the presit say all is good nao the sprits are not gone but appeased he sawed the sprits Lord and Lady Macnarian wondering the halls admiring the dispalys and seem very happy this was good.

So with that done it was nao time to prepair for the Unra Stoneheart becoming The Hell Chef for tommorows meal. THus it was that she saw Immaterial Ivanna taking a man to her house and Unra Stoneheart followed she in and Immaterial Ivanna killered the man but he wans't qutie dead. So Unra Stoneheart showed played the role of the Hell Chef once again and tourtured and killed the man and cut up his body while he still alvie and then served up a good meal from his body. Immaterial Ivanna helped out as well and Unra Stoneheart was so pealsed to see these ladys learn so fast the means of torutre and killng.

So after a good mean Unra Stoneheart and Immaterial Ivanna said goodbye to eacher over and Unra Stoneheart whnet to bread and slept until the next day where it is time for Hell Chef's day of action.

Part 5: The Hell Chef's Feast

So the next day Unra Stoneheart got up and found some things to do until it was the time fore the Empoers Fast...of death and Unra Stoneheart becaem The Hell Chef and she went ot comador maro

Authors Notes: for this part of the chapter I will be refring to Unra Stoneheart as "The Hell Chef"

So The Hell Chef came in Comader Maro and he say

"Stop right there. The tower is off limits until further notice."

But Unra Stoneheart showed him the writ and he say

"By Azura the Gourmet, I... I'm sorry! Your clothes... of course... I should have realized! Please, excuse my ignorance. Gianna, the castle chef, has been eagerly awaiting your arrival. You should proceed to the kitchens straight away." If you're wearing any other clothes, he will instead say, "I... I'm sorry! I didn't realize! We... we had no idea who to expect, you understand. You're not dressed as I would have suspected... But please, don't let me keep you. Proceed to the kitchens straight away. Gianna, the castle chef, has been eagerly awaiting your arrival."

So The Hell Chef came to kitchen and spoke to the Ginnna the over schef and they say

"You're a High Elf! I... I never would have guessed it. So many of your recipes are clearly aimed at the commonfolk. It just seems..."

THen The Hell Chef told Ginnna that they are not here to talk but to cook and Ginnna say

"Oh! Yes, but of course. Ahem. The Emperor has requested your signature dish - the Potage le Magnifique. I've taken the liberty of getting it started. But the cookbook only says so much, and everyone makes the Potage differently. I would be honored if we could make it... the Gourmet's special way. The base broth is already boiled. We can get started right now. So... which ingredient should I add next?"

So The Hell Chef had been practcing for this and asked to be put in Carrots, a splash of mead, One nirnroot and Diced horker meat. She had thinked about putting in some slilly ingreediants but she as not hear for that silly but to be The Hell Chef and do it as good as possible.

So then The Hell Chef say "I have a herb that needs to go in to ad to the taste" and she gave the posion herb and they say

"Oh? What is this, some kind of herb? Are you sure? The Potage tastes perfect as it is. Any other ingredient might..."

But The Hell Chef say "Now, now, Gianna. Who's the Gourmet here?" and she agree

"Heh, I'm sorry. Of course. It's your most famous recipe, after all. All right then, your secret ingredient's been added. And if I may say so... it has been an honor, getting a chance to prepare a meal with, well... the best chef in the entire Empire. I'll carry the stew pot, and lead the way up to the dining room. I'm sure the Emperor and his guests are dying to meet you."

So they got up the stiars and to the table where all the guests and empire was the waitng and the noblewomen were asking the empoer if he is worried with all that's happed but his not. He is saying that these were just hot tembers at the wedding and the son of Maro that plotted to kil him was jsut one dude and befreidng and empoer is better than killering one.

Than The Hell Chef entered and he sayed

"Aha! Here we are. Honored guests, I present to you - the Gourmet! Ah, the Potage le Magnifique. So delicious. My friends, as Emperor, I of course reserve the right of first taste."

All the geust luthed at this and he did moar small talk and other stuff while getting ready to eat and he did

"Oh... Oh how marvelous. Just delicious. It is everything I had hoped it would be. It... I... I think something's... wrong... I..."

Then the Empoer Dyed and the guards screameded

"By the gods! The Gourmet and the chef have poisoned the Emperor! Get them!"

The Hell Chef's work was done and The Hell Chef ran out to the walkway but than the many Penitus Oculatus Agents came and so did Comader Maro and he say

"That man was, by far, the most insufferable decoy the Emperor has ever employed. I'm glad he's dead. Ah, but I'm even happier that you killed him. You, an assassin for the Dark Brotherhood, have just made an attempt on the Emperor's life. Would have succeeded, had it been the real man. Surprised? So was I, when a member of your "Family" came to me with the plan. We worked out a deal, you see. An exchange. I get you, and the Dark Brotherhood gets to continue its existence. But you know what? I've changed my mind. How about this? I kill you, and butcher each and every one of your miserable friends? Your Sanctuary's being put to the sword right now. That's what I think of this "deal." You killed my son! All of you! And now you'll pay the price. Kill The Hell Chef. And make sure there's nothing of her left to bury."

So the Penitus Oculatus Agents attacked and Unra Stoneheart fort them of and managed to escape but then gaurds came with bounty on her head but luckily Bobus the Bardass was there to safe the day and say "let her off I am the thane and I comand it" and so the Guards had to obey.

So Nao Unra Stoneheart must get to Scantory fast to save it from Penitus Oculatus and thus she was given a ride on an egle that Alyce had prepared to cover journey of almost a thousand miles and Unra Stoneheart got there and arived she has to save the Dark Brotherhood bitu how?

Find out next chapter

To be Countued...