Chapter 51
Dad was not happy at all with my rash decision to fly to America without his consent. Apparently, he had been on the tipping scale of allowing me to go to Harvard, but I just had to leave the house without even letting him say the word.
"I apologize, dad, it was in the heat of the moment."
He sighed on the other end of the line, before asking if I was doing fine in the school with a tone filled with guilt. I knew the reason why he felt like that. It was because the question that he asked was almost directed to my brother for the past 16 years of my life.
All his questions, 'are you eating properly?' 'Did you make any friends?' 'Were the professors hard on you?'
All of them.
They were originally meant for Light.
"I'm fine," I replied shortly and didn't want to elaborate the topics with him. It wasn't that I was salty, no, I already knew they had favoured me more than Light. But the feeling of hearing those words is the sole reason because I made an outburst…
What if I had never left home?
What if I had never cried about how unfair they treated me?
Those words would have never been asked.
Time had passed like an abandoned bullet train. Before I knew it, it had already been a month since my arrival in America and my base was almost finished reconstructing. I had ordered the fourth level to be a huge room filled with obstacles and structured to be able to change its grounds and decorations according to the control room's will.
There were 3 modes. A forest mode where artificial trees made out of wood would rise up from the ground and the obstacles were basically structured like a maze, walls higher than the average human would rise up and serve as a shield for oncoming fire.
A darkened mode where it was structured more with more round tunnels as the obstacles and was set in the dark.
A desert version where the test subjects would literally take their battle with the roaring wind and dancing sand.
My battle royale field was finished.
"Is Light still mad at me?" I asked into the phone as dad's voice suddenly stiffened, stuttering out a couple of 'um's' and 'er's' before answering that Light was busy preparing for his final exams for graduating.
It was so weird because, for the past month, Light had barely spoken to me even though he was the one that suggested calling back every single week. Four times, I called. And out of the four, he had only answered my request to speak with him once. Other than that, his excuse was that he was busy preparing for his exams.
I bit my lip and tore off the dead skin. Why was he so angry? I could understand if he saw me as a valuable pawn or even partner if I was valuing myself to be so high in his mind, but-
Did he actually see me as a love interest?
I fluttered my eyelashes down to the ground as our last moment in the house echoed through my mind.
I had been serious from the beginning, Sayu.
I felt my mind race towards his face before sending butterflies to flutter around in my stomach again. The pendant on my chest glimmered in the corner of my eyes, reminding me of the promise that I made to Light.
Light was not the type to lie about his feelings when he didn't have any purpose in manipulating them further. There was really no reason for him to use this as a weapon to bind me further to himself if he didn't have any attachments to me. It wasn't like I was thick-headed or anything, I just didn't trust his words to contain sincere emotions.
Heck, wasn't he supposed to be like a psychopath without any emotions or guilt for throwing people away? Indeed, my existence had changed him to become humane and wise, but was that enough to trust him?
No, I didn't trust him just yet.
I couldn't trust him.
I murmured my apologies with a grunt before making the excuse that I had to leave for school. Dad hung up a bit hesitant before whispering his own apology and bidding me a good day. I rolled my eyes before grabbing my backpack from the corner of my room and heading out of the base towards Harvard.
On the way out, I was stopped by one of the researchers from the experimenting team as they briefly stated the results for the hallucination drug that Henrik had mentioned the creation of. There were several things that I wanted to use from his version.
"The version is fully completed, Alyona," the researcher pushed up her glasses before giving me a slight bow with her head.
"Alright, this one is the prototype version, the one that will cause brain damage?" I confirmed before checking my phone for the time. Good, I still had time.
I flipped the phone down and shuffled it into my pocket before seeing her nod.
"Alright, now try to create a version that does not cause brain damage, but form it into pill-shaped capsules. And add additives to it," I instructed as the woman's eyes widened at my suggestions.
"Alyona, are you trying to produce your own drug product?"
"What," I cocked my head to the side with a wry smirk. "Not up to it?"
"No, no, no," the woman shook her head before widening her grin almost maliciously. "This will sell."
She walked away with her board tucked on her arms as she began scribbling furiously on the papers, murmuring words like 'dopamine, bisphenol, phthalates, perfluoroalkyl' and a bunch of others I had no idea what they meant but from the first word, I knew she was talking about the addictives.
Shoving my grin back into a lopsided smile, I walked to the cab Chia was in and yawned.
Was it wrong that I wanted to see Light?
I grumbled before shoving all my textbooks into my bag, carefully folding the loose papers into their folders before shoving that bunch into my back too. I gave another yawn before thanking the professor for his amazing lecture and proceeded out of the classroom.
The difference between Japan and America was that Japan had followed China's teaching systems, the professor rotating the classroom rather than the students changing themselves. In To-Oh, once they were your classmates, most of them were your classmates for the whole year.
But in Harvard, the students themselves had to assemble into their correct classes, being that everyone chose their own schedules to make their life much easier. Sure this was a great way to meet new people, however, it was extremely bad for making friends. Since everyone kept changing, there was really no chance to have an in-depth discussion about anything else than the class material.
Once your class was done, the students would never contact each other again. Well, I was used to it because in my previous life my university was like this. Also, it amazed me that a lot of students exchanged the words 'university and 'college'. Apparently in the US, they meant the same thing.
However, to be specific, colleges only provided simple diploma courses while universities provided things like a master's degree. Well, I was going for a double major, both in the Arts Faculty.
I rolled my eyes at a couple of students who were talking trash about their professor outside of their professor's office. Please, if you wanted to talk about it, at least be discreet. In hindsight, they were probably trying to let the professor overhear their conversation so that they would feel a bit better trampling on his ego.
Not my problem though.
I shrugged with a dull ache in the back of my head.
My classes had finished at 1 pm for the day, 3 courses on alternating days, and 2 on the other days. I had wanted to take 8 courses like how I did with To-Oh, but I was cautious about the course load and its standards since this was one of the most famous institutes in the world.
And I was completely correct about it.
I was barely able to keep up with a full course for this semester. The standards in Harvard were actually higher than I thought. In some countries, 50% was already a pass, but in Harvard, it depended on the teacher's marking standards. I had 3 courses that raised the passing grade to 70%. Not to mention that if you failed a course, they would send a warning to you, notifying you that if you failed one more time, they would put you on strict probation.
And when you were put on probation...you couldn't get another failing grade or else they would directly escort you out of the school. This was completely unfair because I've heard that some third-year courses had a passing grade of 80%.
I groaned slightly at the numbers swirling in my head before massaging the side of my head, trying to release the stress.
Well, not that I would take those courses in another 3 years. For the first time, I decided to take everything slowly with a stable footing. I had already graduated during the summer session at To-Oh university with a degree in Psychology. It was honestly the easiest thing I could choose in the faculty because I sucked at everything else.
Law was too hard to memorize, and the others needed an extreme amount of studying and preparing for exams. Not that Psychology was considered bad or anything, but I was already ahead of most students from my skills in manipulation.
Though, I hardly learned anything in those classes since I had slept in most of them. My degree was earned by randomly choosing the most plausible multiple choice questions and writing what I thought was correct from my perspective of psychology. Apparently, that had worked.
The headache I had grew stronger.
I sighed before my mind fluttered to Light again, wondering what he was doing. It was too suspicious, even if I left the country to escape from him, he was not an emotional person, to begin with. There was no need to hold a grudge.
But at the same time, I knew I was concerned about him because of my recent admitting and his words directed to me. It was almost as if his musky scent was under my nose as I stepped out of the building, heading towards the entrance of the school.
I missed the glimmer in his eyes when he had talked to me.
I missed his voice that would rasp out darkly when he had a plan.
It was amusing to see him write on the Death Note with a smug smirk like he had owned the world.
I shook my head.
Fudging thoughts-
I was acting so OOC right now.
Was it true that love could change someone's personality?
I shuddered from the thought as the sin burned happily on my head, heating it up.
I really hope I do not become one of those brainless idiots who prioritize their love over anyone else.
I felt a buzz in my pocket before looking at an unknown number.
"...Hello?"
"Alyona, we have finished the second level of the base, there are 4 rooms to practice shooting, 3 with combat training and 1 lecture hall to teach about survival skills and the necessities of loyalty."
The voice I had identified belonged to one of the members of the building team.
"Oh, thanks for reporting. We will begin the training right now. Alert the military team to start their courses. Also, make sure everyone gets a minimum of 3 classes in the lecture hall." I replied coolly as the member bid me farewell and success in my school work.
I hung up before placing the device in my pocket.
After a few minutes, another call came in as an unknown number.
"Hello?"
"We have successfully received a report on our assets this month, Alyona." Chia stated before telling me that we gained an extra 20,000 dollars from the connections that Anthony had pulled. I praised her for her quick report before hanging up again, only to be called a third time from the mafia.
Oh my lords, I just finished school with a freaking headache, please-
"Yes?" I called out boredly as the investigation team told me the number of new recruits assisted from Adriano's work on the Death Note.
I hung up.
My phone buzzed a fourth time.
"What is it?" I said with a stressed voice as one of the experiment members reported their failure of nullifying the negative effects of the drug. "Do not report failures, only the successful ones."
I pinched the bridge of my nose before hanging up again. The pounding in my head deepened as I winced.
The fifth phone call came in as I screamed in irritation.
"Fuck you! What do you want with me?! I literally just finished my work with a head-splitting headache, for goodness sakes, are you all children?! Do you not know the difference between giving me a short break and overloading me with work?!"
"Every time I leave you, you're in a terrible state," the voice chuckled out as I stopped my footsteps, freezing at the sight of my brother standing outside the gate with his eyes sparkling with sly amusement.
Was I so tired that I was hallucinating?
I walked forwards and hung up my phone, sighing in silence before closing my eyes and softly letting myself fall forwards into his chest as both his hands fluttered up to support me.
"I missed you…" I whispered before inhaling his scent. I felt him relax his breathing as we stood there in front of the gates and ignored everyone walking around us. His beat was thudding in his chest, matching the one in mine. The necklace in between my breasts moved along to the beat.
Babum.
"You're wearing the pendant I gave you," I heard air pass his lips as he said the words, Forcing me to lift my head up and grab him by the hand, tugging him as he followed quietly, giving himself up to me.
In the far distance, I saw Chia's head perk up from the window, instantly pulling the shield above her face as naturally as possible before directing glances in my direction. She was not aware of Light's face, but just from the colour of his hair and the resemblance to mine before I dyed it black, she placed all the pieces together and drove away.
"When did you arrive?" I uttered as the backpack from my shoulders felt lighter, turning back to Light to see him raise a small smile at me. I obediently slipped off the bag from my shoulders as he grappled onto the straps, slinging it over his shoulder before chuckling at how heavy it was.
"Just yesterday," he answered.
"With Misa?"
He fell quiet at my words before replying, "with Misa."
My head slightly bobbed as we walked on the streets, stopping in front of a nearby Starbucks, entering it and waiting in line. I had remembered that Light and Misa had taken some kind of trip outside of Japan to expand Kira's influence or something.
"How long will you be staying here for?" I tilted my head before glancing up at him. The line shortened as we stepped up to the cashier. The register cut Light's time to answer my question.
"What would you like for today?" the girl said in English before smiling at my face. "Ah, you're here today also! Would you like the regular?"
"Yes please," I chirped as she nodded, inserting in my usual order of matcha latte.
"And for your boyfriend?" She turned back to Light behind me as I ordered for him.
"Tall Caffe Mocha, please," I replied as I felt his gaze bore into my head. I leaned back a bit, a small smirk plastered onto my lips before mouthing 'what, you don't like it?'
Light turned his eyes away from the register quietly before picking up our trays and carrying them to an empty table. The gaze he wore was not stressed nor amused, in fact, it was peaceful. We sat down as I cupped the warm drink in my hands, sipping it before watching the crowd outside of the cafe, rushing to whatever destination they had.
He took a sip on the drink before settling it down and following my gaze outside of the window.
"How did you know my tastes?" He asked without taking his eyes off the people.
"I notice everything about you," I took another sip and savoured the matcha flavour. "You don't have any specific preference, but you don't like your coffee dark or too sweet."
Something sombre rang in the air before he spoke out steadily.
"Why is your name Alyona?"
"-And where did you hear that?" I cocked my head to the side with a raise of my eyebrows. I was not surprised, in fact, I was expecting him to find out sooner or later.
It was no surprise that Light was doubtful of my intentions, even if he saw that I agreed with him on the perspective of the world. We were so similar that he instantly placed the pieces together the moment I was kidnapped in Singapore.
"The green hair greeted me with quite the open mouth," he smiled sarcastically before tearing his eyes away from the window to face mine. The emotions did not swirl with rage for my hidden secrets. They did not move with curiosity either.
Only icy coldness.
"Then," I leaned forward and placed my cheek on my hand with a lopsided smile. "Would you believe me if I told you?"
"Yes," he said instantly.
"You're lying," I shook my head before his hand shot out for my right wrist, brushing his thumb across the lily tattoo as he stared at it with displeasure. His lips were tight into a thin line before clawing into the tattoo, letting me feel his wrath. I stared quietly without tearing my eyes from the tattoo that was now red, almost blood red.
"You joined the mafia," he clenched even tighter and growled at my lack of response.
"You're engaged."
I closed my eyes as he took my silence for a yes. My heart was ringing with warning and confusing red lights. They jumped from side to side, crashing into the rib cages and tearing out black liquid from my walls.
"Yotsuba didn't hand them the papers, you did."
I snapped open my eyes with a resigned smile.
I was so tired from keeping things away from him. I knew that he would find out sooner or later, yet knowing that he was going to hate me hurt. I was on the verge of tears, but my eyes were dry and flickering, not knowing what I should say to appease his anger.
I was so tired.
"Do you want to kill me?" I echoed as his face darkened. Red flashed through his eyes before he gritted it away, pressing the emotion of rage from his face.
"You are mine," he whispered furiously before clutching onto my wrist harder. This time, I had to wince from the pain, watching his iron grip sink deep into my pale skin.
"You already know-" I gasped as he suddenly let go, brushing his thumb as if to comfort my pain. But it was already numb. "Why keep me by your side?"
His brows creased so hard that they were pressing each other and trying to fight for their own spots.
"Is it because I'm still useful to you," I clicked my tongue before chucking bitterly. "Or is it because we both fell accidentally?"
His face shifted and relaxed in his position, picking up his cup before sipping the coffee that I ordered for him. He drank it even though it was too hot and would burn his tongue. He gulped it all down in one go, never breaking our locked gazes.
He was trying to show me how much I had broken our trust. It wasn't his broken pride anymore. He was tricked and manipulated by me. Yet his eyes softened as I bit my lips, a small tear crawling out of my eyes, before I turned away from him, wiping it away.
"You don't trust me," he clenched out and placed his empty cup on the table. "You never trusted me to begin with."
I whimpered before covering my eyes with my hands.
"How could I," I whispered furiously at him. "How could I when you tried manipulating me in the past?!"
Tears were starting to seep out as I sobbed, clenching onto my soaked long sleeves with my fingers. He fell silent for a moment as we listened to my silent screams blocked by my own mouth.
"Sayu, come with me," he got up before pulling me up from my seat and taking the tray as well as my backpack before sliding it calmly onto the table and taking me outside of the cafe. It was then I realized that I was crying in the middle of a cafe where everyone could see me.
My face flushed and the cold wind hit them like a dark contrast, warning me about Light's presence and what it had done to me. I hated crying, but ever since I met him, I was crying more than usual and tears almost became second nature.
I hated crying in front of others, but when he was beside me, it felt like the whole world didn't matter to me anymore. I also loved food to the point where it tortured me if I wasted a single piece.
But my coffee was long forgotten in the cafe.
I trudged along with him, sniffing and wiping my tears away in the crowds. Light's grip never loosened despite the ongoing waves of people, rather, it had tightened even more. But it wasn't painful at all. It was insurance that he did not hate me.
We stopped by a large park where the autumn leaves had started to turn yellow and there was basically no one there to bother us. It was plausible since it was 2 pm mid-day, either workers were already going back from their lunch break, or relaxing back at home.
In front of a bench, Light turned to me with a sigh, bending downwards and kissing me quietly on the lips before biting down on them gently. I clung onto his shirt, the tears that I had tried so hard to stop were rolling down like lead as I pressed myself harder towards him.
My heart was fluttering, rattling like a toy that Light was playing with.
This was a distraction.
This was his way of trying to apologize and distract me.
He knew that I hated crying.
I whimpered, nipping him as he gave me permission to go further.
Light was messing me up so much.
Or was it the hormones?
I didn't know, and I didn't want to care at all.
We broke apart with heavy pants as I felt his body tense from me leaning onto him.
"Sayu," he whispered before leaning down to my forehead, breathing airly. "You've fallen too deep with me."
I chuckled with moist eyes, staring back at him as the heat between us raged through our own worlds. Yes, I had fallen too deep for him and have my emotions waver. He knew that it would hurt me too much if I had betrayed him again. He was betting on what we felt between each other. It terrified him and he knew, but he also knew that it was for me too.
"You will never escape us," I murmured his own words at him as the dark twinkle sparked again in his eyes. It was the same for him. Light was trying to tell me that neither of us could betray each other anymore.
Unless we wanted to remember each other in pain forever.
"Happy birthday, Sayu." I heard him whisper sweetly before I closed my eyes to feel him again, this time with the truth.
