My Life's Stranger Than Yours
(Before we get started, I just want to say…Three Years. THREE. FREAKING YEARS! That's how long I've been working on this crazy story! Sure I've taken some long breaks in between [Life Sucks for everybody], but I'm still pushing on through. I'd like to thank everybody who's stuck with this story throughout all this time and hope you look forward to what comes up next. To commemorate this milestone, I'm going to do something here I haven't done in a LONG while and respond to a user review [as well as some PMs]. I'm going to apologize ahead of time because this is gonna be rather rant heavy, but I need to get this off my chest, even though I KNOW the reviewer isn't going to read this [and if by some slim chance he does, good. I want him to see this].
You are full of BS. I can take constructive criticism, but if your issue is the entire CRUX of a crossover, you should NOT be reading, let alone be writing ANY fanfiction. I KNOW Ranma and Dragon Ball take place in different universes, that does not mean A GODDAMN THING! As I've argued in our DM's, OFFICIALLY LICENSED crossovers have crossed various series in the same way with no explanation to how the two franchises meet, as have other writers on this site. Are you just gonna drip into EVERY single fic that doesn't do a BS 'Dimensional Travel' plotline to facilitate their crossovers? Talk crap about that one guy doing the Dragon Ball/One Punch Man fan manga? Get outta here with that nonsense! If your main argument against crossovers that do that such as the Dragon Ball/One Piece/Toriko cross is that they're Non-Canon, FANFICTION IS THE TEXTBOOK DEFINITION OF NON-CANON! We don't have to conform to the rules unless we want to! Also, since you're dismissing the DB/Dr. Slump crossovers because they're gag heavy, be a pal and tell me how the Fairy Tail and Rave Master crossover exists? I admittedly am not too big into FT, but I've read Rave at least twice and I can tell you, despite some overlap, they CANNOT exist in the same world for a number of reasons so how exactly can Haru just casually walk up and meet Natsu in a random village?
Also, Ranma is more compatible with Dragon Ball than you think. Sure Ranma doesn't have the super advanced tech that exists in DB, but normal real world tech still exists. Not every location in Dragon Ball is some paragon of sci-fi. Realistic looking cities are a thing in Dragon Ball as are real cars, planes, other vehicles and the like. Also a quick rundown of things you say DB and Ranma don't share that they actually do:
Animal People[Herb and Crew, plus Saffron and crew]
People With No Surname [EVERY SINGLE AMAZON]
There may not be any dinosaurs in Ranma, but again, considering Herb exists, that means Dragons were a thing and possibly are. Not a stretch considering the Orochi exists as well as a whole host of other oddball creatures.
I'll accept any critique of a genuine issue such as wording, story structure, or any fact I get wrong about either shows and use that to not make the same mistake twice going forward, but with you. The issue remains the same; You. Have. No. Imagination. You asked me if I expect people to suspend their disbelief that the two cast of characters can co-exist when the worlds around them are so vastly dissimilar? Yes, yes I do because that's the very backbone of fiction, and from the looks of it, a lot of people are able to do just that. So unless you want to lock hordes with everyone who enjoys, not just my story, but every other story who takes the same approach, whether official or fanmade, I suggest you take a long LONG break from FF or at the very least, refrain from leaving the most non-sensical reviews on a fan-content website!
Apologies for the long rant [this A/N won't be on AO3], but I just needed to vent there. Like I said, I'm all for genuine criticisms on what I could be doing better, but if you're just gonna be a pest, then kindly PISS OFF! With all that said and done, strap in folks cause you're in for quite a ride)
Crazy Battles Ensue; The Fatal Female Fighters
All eyes were on the ring as Fangs jeered at Ukyo, drool leaking from his mouth. The cautious chef kept her distance as she was aware of her opponent's insane mobility potential. The two combatants continued staring each other down in tense silence.
"Alright now…" Baba quickly raised her arm and waved it down giving the signal. "You may begin!"
"Screeeheheheheheeee!"
Fangs swiftly dashed in and threw a swift jab at Ukyo who dodged and countered with an elbow strike. Catching the pale boxer off guard, she followed up with a swipe from her giant spatula. Leaping over the giant weapon, Fangs once again zipped in close and threw a barrage of punches at Ukyo. Deflecting his blows with the handle of her spatula, Ukyo was able to keep a considerable amount of distance between the two. Despite that however, she was unable to spot any openings in his stance.
'Let's get offensive!'
As Fangs attacked with a hard right cross, Ukyo challenged his attack this time and parried, the united force making the toothy creature stumble back.
"An opening!" Swiping her giant spatula at Fangs, the ghoul avoided her attack by transforming into his bat form before ascending and divebombing at Ukyo.
"Oh no you don't!" Reaching into her shirt, Ukyo pulled out three smaller spatulas and flung them at her airborne foe. Easily weaving away from the projectiles, the flying mammal opened his jaw wide as he went in for the bite. Denying his attack, Ukyo managed to catch the winged rodent on her larger spatula, swinging it around before slamming it down on the tiles. Lifting her tool up, the flattened form of Fangs appeared before regaining its third dimension and changing back to human form.
"She got him!" cheered Akane.
Though satisfied with her apparent easy victory, Ukyo kept her guard up as she slowly approached the seemingly beaten boxer. Playing it safe, she poked at him with the edge of her spatula and received no response. Releasing a breath, Ukyo brought her trusty weapon up to her shoulder, taking a victorious pose.
"Well, that was almost too easy." Ukyo proclaimed, seeming rather underwhelmed.
With a snicker, Baba responded with, "Says who?"
"Huh?"
"Schraaaaaaw!"
"Wha-AAHHH!"
"Ukyo/Ucchan!"
As soon as Ukyo turned to Baba, the still conscious vampire pounced at his young opponent, his namesake finding their way into Ukyo's shin.
"Get off me you…freak!" Cracking him in the head with the edge of her spatula, Ukyo managed to get him off her leg, though not without stumbling backwards as the sharp pain shot through her leg. As Fangs licked his lips, seemingly intoxicated by his 'beverage', Ukyo stumbled to her knee, using her spatula as leverage.
'Dammit…I got careless!' she chided herself. 'Note to self…find some time to workout between school and the shop.'
The nightcrawler licked his lips as his eyes fell to the wound on Ukyo's leg. "Mmmmm…pretty good…I want MORE!"
Fangs once again pounced at Ukyo, his teeth bared. This time, Ukyo blocked him with the handle of her spatula, his sharp teeth clanging against the metal sheet.
"Graaaaaggh…!" As the bloodsucker held his jaw shut, recovering from the shattering 'clang', Ukyo took the moment to retreat, using her spatula like a makeshift crutch.
"Is she giving up?" asked Videl.
"I don't think so…" Ranma refuted.
Fangs shook off the dizziness before transforming back into bat form. Flying at the withdrawing Ukyo, he swooped ahead of her and tackled her right in the face.
"Knock it off you little pest!" Ukyo called wildly swatting her hand.
'KNICK!'
"Ow!" pulling her hand back, Ukyo saw a familiar red stream flow to her wrist.
"Tasty blood! Give me more!" Fangs screeched.
The airborne fiend once again dived at Ukyo who was still shaking blood off her hand. Unbeknownst to the looney eyed flier, the cooking combatant had a small grin on her face.
"If you're so hungry sugar, EAT THIS!"
Reaching into her shirt, Ukyo produced a small okonomiyaki dish and chucked it at her target. Surprisingly, he didn't try to avoid it. He merely changed back into human form and opened his mouth, catching the fried dish and chomping it before changing back to bat form.
"Mmmm…that was tasty…but all that salt has made me thirsty!" With a victorious screech, Fangs swooped down to Ukyo who looked surprisingly nonchalant.
'What's she doing? Shouldn't she try to dodge?' thought Videl.
Ukyo had a contemplative look on her face. "Okay, so this recipe causes thirst. Note to self; use less garlic salt."
Fangs froze as he was mere millimeters from Ukyo's face, his expression turning extremely fearful. "G-g-g-g-gar…lic…?"
"Oh yeah. That okonomiyaki was a new recipe where the main spices were a mix of garlic powder and salt," Ukyo answered sweetly revealing the two spices from her shirt.
Fangs' eyes all but bugged out of his face at the sight of the garlic powder before changing back to human form and clutching at his throat. The fiend began hacking and wheezing, writhing on the floor as Ukyo slowly approached him, her spatula raised.
"You know, if you're thirsty, I know just the place you can go for a drink!" Sliding the head beneath her fallen foe, Ukyo lifted it and him over her head before flinging the coughing count into the lake.
Not ready to give up yet, Fangs changed back into bat form and flew sporadically back to the ring.
"Doesn't that flying rat ever give up?" Irritated, Ukyo pulled out the garlic powder once again. Unfortunately for her, whatever plan she had was halted as Fangs divebombed her yet again, knocking the spice out of her hand.
"Hey! That's Ucchan's brand property!" reaching out to the falling vial, the glass container shattered on impact with the ground and bathed the plucky chef in her own makeshift weapon.
"Kyaaaaaaaa-!" as the dust cleared, the group could see Ukyo on the floor trembling in what looked like pain.
"Ucchan, toughen up! It's just a little spice!" Ranma jeered.
"Stings! It stings! It stings!"
Akane perked up. "That's right! Ukyo got bitten before! Getting covered in an acidic spice like Garlic Powder after that would be akin to…"
"Rub salt in open wound?" Shampoo finished. "Spatula Girl look like she have trouble."
High above the spicy cloud, Fangs let out a gloating laugh. Thanks to his ability to fly, he was able to keep away from the dust. Unfortunately, his hubris came back to bite him in the wings as he unintentionally inhaled more garlic dust, making him hack and wheeze even more intensely.
Changing back to human form, Fangs clutched his neck once again as gravity took hold and made him fall right into the garlic dust. Not wanting to squander her chance, Ukyo grit her teeth as she once again grabbed her giant spatula.
"If you're thirsty, I know the perfect place for you to have a drink!" Taking a batter's stance, Ukyo swung with all her might and cracked Fangs right in the torso flinging him out of the ring and into the lake.
Floating over to the still twitching Ukyo, Baba raised her arm signaling the match's conclusion. "That's it. Ms. Kuonji wins."
"Yea-AH!" Ukyo's victory was halted as the stinging in her limbs swelled up yet again.
"You may need to clean those before they get infected," snickered Baba.
Exiting the ring, Ukyo rejoined the female quartet and instantly sat on the ground. "Nice work Ucchan," Ranma praised.
"You okay there? Those bite marks looked painful…especially after that garlic shower," noted Videl.
"Believe me honey, once this is over, a shower is the FIRST thing I'm getting. In the meantime, anyone have any bandages?"
Off to the side, Cologne sighed. "I guess you and I will be playing the role of medics today Gohan."
"That's fine by me," he replied pulling out a capsule. Popping it open, Gohan revealed a first-aid kit and approached the girls.
"While he's treating her, which one of you little cuties would like to step up next?" Baba asked.
Ranma cracked her knuckles and grinned. "If you girls don't mind, I think I'll…"
"I'll go!" Akane announced.
"I think someone minds," joked Videl.
Akane stepped forward before pausing and doing a double take. "What, is no one going to object?"
Ranma shrugged before crossing her arms behind her head. "Nah. True I did want to get some action, but I think I can wait," she replied.
"Shampoo?"
"Shampoo no mind if Akane want fight first," she simply proclaimed.
Akane kept a skeptical eye on Shampoo before turning back to the ring and proceeding. 'I don't know why, but for some reason, I was expecting some kind of objection, at least from Shampoo.'
Stepping into the ring, Akane took a deep breath before taking a fighting stance. Baba raised an eyebrow in intrigue. "Well, someone sure looks ready, even before her opponent appears."
"Don't joke around. We know that your second fighter is invisible," Akane replied.
"Ohohoho, did my brother tell you that, or was it Gohan's father? Either way, if you know of Invisible Man, then I guess you also know that the battle has already started little missy," snapped a smug Baba.
"Wait, what?"
THWUNK!
"Doof-!" Akane doubled over, clutching her stomach. "Agh…cheap shot…!"
Akane quickly raised her guard and prepared to defend for the next attack. Sadly, her instincts fell short as she was whacked in the back of the head. "Ow…!"
After taking a few seconds to recover, Akane opted to try and predict her invisible foe's moves. Following a pregnant pause, the young Tendo turned to her left and raised her guard again, successfully blocking what felt like a punch.
"Gotcha!"
Akane threw a punch in the direction of the blocked attack but only wound up hitting air. "Damn I mi-WHAAA!" Akane cried out as she was swept off her feet and landed flat on her rear.
"Akane looks like she's having a rough time," commented Gohan.
"Gohan, even you would have problems fighting someone you couldn't see," Videl snapped.
"Maybe, but it probably wouldn't be so hard as long as I could still sense them."
'Sense them?' noted Ranma.
Videl sighed. "Of course, because you and the others just have all the answers when it comes to combat, don't you?"
"Not always."
Back in the ring, Akane once again stood stone still as she awaited her opponents' next move. Throughout this entire match, he hadn't said a single word. Made sense as he was most likely aware that any sound would give away his position. "Hmmmmm…"
Akane scanned the area for any miscellaneous signs of Invisible Man's movements, but unsurprisingly was unsuccessful. Slowly trotting forward, Akane stood defensively but still open to attack. Her face lighting up, Akane pivoted and raised her elbow just in time to block a chop from above.
"This time for sure!" Akane threw her leg out and once again struck nothing. "Damn!"
"Akane can't win," Ranma stated.
"Way to be a supportive fiancé, Ranma!" Videl reprimanded.
"Just let me explain!" Ranma snapped defensively. "It may just be instinct, but Akane has been able to defend against his attacks. The problem is, she can't block and attack at the same time and…apparently, the invisible guy is fast enough to dodge her counterattacks."
"Ranchan's right. I'm not saying Akane can't win, but it's going to be pretty hard."
"Msybe…but it's probably better this way," said Gohan. "If Akane could see that guy, I guarantee this wouldn't be much of a fight."
'I can follow this guy's movements, but I still can't hit him…I need some way to keep him from moving once I catch him!' Akane pondered quickly an a lightbulb lit up. She had a plan that could work, she just needed to be fast.
'If I'm reading him right…then he should be attacking…HERE!' Akane once again pivoted on her foot, twisting aside and blocking an unseen strike. This time however, the attacker was unable to escape.
"Oh!"
"Huh…!"
"Whoa!"
On the arm that Akane used to block could be seen a white band of cloth. In the instance Akane raised her guard, she managed to wrap the belt of her gi around her sightless opponent's arm.
"She got him!" Videl cheered.
"Not bad," praised Ranma.
"Impressive," added Cologne.
"This time, there's nowhere to hide!" Akane proclaimed. Tugging her bound hand forward, Akane pulled the Invisible Man forward off balance and with her free arm, launched a fierce punch right where she figured his gut would be. Her guess would pay off as she could clearly feel the sensation of a person larger than her falling onto her striking hand. Retreating, Akane let her opponent hit the floor, carefully keeping the tie from loosening.
"Ehhh…I dunno how durable the invisible guy is, but given Akane's crazy gorilla strength, I doubt he'd be able to take a second hit," Ranma commented.
A vein popped on Akane's forehead, her button clearly pushed. Putting a hand on her hip and turning towards the cheeky redhead, Akane put on a faux smile and replied, "I'll take that…as a COMPLIMENT!"
FWIP!
Everyone froze as the sound of cloth flowing down and hitting the ground filled the air and a petrified Akane's face turned beet red before she glanced downward to find her top half exposed, her white bra in full view. "KYAAAAAAAAAA!"
The ever-intelligent Saiyan quickly averted his gaze while the cursed Saotome let out a surprised yelp.
"Don't/No look!" Shampoo and Ukyo quickly shoved Ranma down, obscuring his view.
In the myriad of confusion, Invisible Man quickly fumbled with the binding on his wrist and quickly tugged away in an attempt to free himself. Though he succeeded in undoing the belt, he failed however in getting away fast enough to escape the wrath of a full blown livid Akane who quickly grasped him by the neck.
Though no one could see his expression, everyone could feel the fear emanating from Invisible Man as a deathly aura seeped from Akane, her hair flowing. "You just made…a big mistake!"
With a single fierce uppercut, Akane socked the Invisible Man in what felt like his chin and his voice finally could be heard as he was launched far out of the ring.
"Whaaaaaaaaahaaaoooooooo…!"
*Ding!*
The girls all watched (or rather heard) as Invisible Man blasted off to parts unknown, the guys slowly turning back to see what was transpiring.
"What happened?" asked Gohan.
"I think Akane won," said Ukyo.
"Yeah…invisible or not, I don't think that guy's comin' back," snarked Ranma.
While Akane quickly redressed herself, Baba floated over. "Oh Akane won alright, she won the moment Invisible Man decided to pull that little stunt."
"Huh?"
"Even if you hadn't given him what he deserved, I'd have disqualified Invisible Man right then and there for that little stunt he pulled," Baba began. "I may encourage an anything goes style of combat, but I'm a lady too. I don't care how desperate Invisible Man was, there are some things you just don't do when fighting a lady…unless you're a freak like my brother."
[Meanwhile]
*Kaaachoo!*
"So that's where you've been hiding!"
"Ggggh…!"
[Back at the Palace]
"Come to think of it…even when the business in this place was 'booming', we rarely if ever got any female fighters to take on my challenge…need to make notice for these boys to watch the hands when it comes to fighting women," Baba pulled out a pad and pen writing the note down.
An irritated Akane sighed as she left the ring. "Why do I always get the dirty creeps for opponents?"
"Hey, you didn't get bitten by a guy with a bootleg Jusenkyo curse, no complaining!" Ukyo challenged.
Akane sighed. "Fine…Ranma, Shampoo, who's going next?"
Shampoo raised her arm, bouncing with excitement. "Shampoo take next battle!"
"Ohhh, so the old Ghoul's own young blood finally takes the stage eh?" Baba guffawed.
"I told you, only Ranma can call me that you shriveled up witch," Cologne playfully snapped.
"For these next two fights, we'll proceed inside." Motioning for everyone to follow, Baba floated into the palace.
[Moments later]
The group was led to a large gorge where two statues of sitting demons could be seen. "Welcome to…The Devil's Toilet!" Baba announced.
"Well…that's a pleasant name," deadpanned Ranma.
"And that looks like a long way down," Ukyo added looking down the pit.
"Oh don't worry your pretty little head deary. Though this little hotspot USED to house a lake full of acid, it's been cleaned up not too long ago and now, the only thing down there is a lake of hot water…"
"Wait, acid!?" Akane exclaimed.
"Yes, though very few people ever made it that far. However, a few fortunate…or unfortunate souls managed to make it to Round 3, and after some serious, everlasting injuries, maybe even a death or two, the families of those poor souls started getting suits involved," Baba grimaced as memories of a mob of clean cut men with briefcases strolled up at her palace.
"So for legal, and some ecological reasons, the acid was cleaned out and now the lake is just a lake…" Baba paused, a twisted grin on her face. "Granted, it's a boiling, steaming, scalding, lake. You may not die when you hit the bottom, but don't expect a pleasant hot-spring experience either," Baba warned.
Videl chuckled. "I guess Gohan and I are on retrieval duty if someone falls in."
"Shampoo," Cologne turned to her granddaughter who in turn nodded before stepping out onto the stone 'tongue' bridge.
"Alrighty then, on to Round 3. The rules remain the same, if you fall into the water or surrender, you lose." With a deep breath, Baba called out for her next fighter. "BANDAGES!"
A door slid up at the mouth of the opposite demon statue and out strolled a tall, darkish skinned man wrapped head to toe in, of course, bandages.
"Geeze, it really is a Monster Mash in this joint," Ranma deadpanned.
Shampoo stood unguarded as Bandages approached her on his end of the bridge.
"Hehehe…such a shame you have to fight me little girl, but don't worry. I promise to be gentle," Bandages taunted.
"Hmph, Shampoo no need mercy from ugly big man." With a huff, Shampoo took a fighting stance as Bandages seemed to be trembling. "U-u-ugly…!?"
"Enough with the chit-chat you two, let's see some action! You're free to begin!"
Taking the initiative, Shampoo handsprung forward launching a fierce double kick at her large opponent. To her surprise, he seemed unphased by her attack, but was still trembling furiously. "You…called me ugly!?" Bandages exclaimed. "I'll…!"
Cutting him off, Shampoo leapt up and launched a kick to the gauzed fighter's face, silencing him and forcing him backwards before gracefully landing back on the narrow ground. "Hmph, Bandage man big, but he no fast enough to…"
"Shampoo, behind you!" called Cologne.
"Eh-?"
THWACK!
"Kyaaa-!" Shampoo cried out as she was launched across the bridge and into the stone devil's face.
"That girl…I always tell her to NEVER let her guard down," Cologne shook her head.
"Well…given how simple Akane and Ukyo's fights were, it's not hard to imagine why she'd think this fight would be another easy win," Gohan commented.
"Aiyaa…Mummy Man faster than Shampoo thought…" she rubbed her head as she stood back up.
"I was gonna take it easy on ya cause you're a lady…" A mischievous smirk found it's way on Bandages' face. "…A pretty darn cute one too, but if you think you can get away with insulting me you damn brat, you got another thing comin'!"
Bandages charged at Shampoo, his fist reared back. The agile Amazon was able to flip over f her massive opponent and quickly counter by dashing in and striking him in the gut. Bandages stumbled back but seemed relatively fine. Shampoo's attacks did seem to be doing damage, but not nearly enough to cause lasting impact. Flipping backwards into a defensive stance, Shampoo braced herself as Bandages sauntered over her and slammed both of his fists down.
Challenging her massive opponent, Shampoo caught Bandages' wrists and tried to force him back locking the pair in an intense power struggle.
"Grrrrgh…you're pretty strong for a small lass!"
"You no underestimate Amazon!"
The pair attempted to step forth, neither one of them managing an inch on the other. After moments of struggling, the stalemate finally broke as they both shoved each other back. As both fighters panted, Shampoo's face grew to a smirk. "Look like Shampoo need fight for real after all."
Reaching into her shirt, Shampoo pulled out her trademark chui mace and tossed it into the air. Flipping backwards, she pulled out an identical weapon and grabbed the airborne one landing in a battle-ready stance.
[]
"Hmhmhmhm…that girl'd never admit it, but even she takes pointers from Mousse when they happen to work," snickered Cologne.
"Mousse?" asked Gohan.
"Dude has weapons hidden all over him," answered Ranma.
[]
Shampoo took the initiative, launching herself into the air and striking diagonally with her maces. Bandages blocked the attack with his forearm, though not with as much ease as he thought. Though he was able to force Shampoo back, he quickly grabbed and rubbed his sore forearm.
"Well…those could be problematic…" Bandages muttered.
"Hiiiyaaa!" Shampoo dashed forward and resumed attacking with rapid straight blows. Bandages was quick enough to avoid some, but his large frame made him too large a target to fully dodge Shampoo's barrage. Taking hits to his midsection, Bandages was forced to take a knee as Shampoo drove both maces into his gut.
"Graaagh…!"
"Surrender before Shampoo make paper man all wet!" she threatened.
"I ain't gonna lose to some smarmy brat!" Bandages defied.
Shampoo flashed the gauzed ghoul a mischievous, victorious grin before raising her weapons. "Shampoo beg to differ."
Swinging her arms down, Shampoo launched her finishing blow, but was denied by Bandages grabbing her wrists. Naturally, Shampoo pulled away from her captor, but try as she might, he held onto her tight.
"You…let Shampoo go!"
Bandages smirked. "I think not!"
"Let…Shampoo…GO!"
"Hehehe, if you insist!" complying with her request, Bandages released his grip on Shampoo, causing her to fling herself back.
"Aiyaaa…" as Shampoo rubbed her sore spot, she noticed something attached to her wrist; a white band. Sure enough, her other hand shared the same fate. Following the path, she noticed that both strands connected back to massive opponent who looked at her with a mischievous smirk.
"Aiyaaa!"
"Hang tight girly!" yanking the metaphorical chains, Bandages swiftly reeled in a screaming Shampoo.
"Aiyaaaaaaaaa…!"
Once she was within range, Bandages stepped forth and fired a fierce front kick straight into Shampoo's gut.
"Gwooof-!"
Despite being launched again, Bandages kept on the offensive by yanking her back in again and repeating his kick, turning Shampoo into a human paddleball.
"Gaagh…!"
[]
"This looks bad," commented a concerned Gohan.
"Well…you're not wrong, but don't freak out yet pal," Ranma eased.
"Shampoo may be a pest at times, but I can't deny she's one tough chick," Ukyo reinforced.
Akane only nodded an affirmation as Videl added, "Take it from me Gohan, they're right. I should know, I've fought her before myself."
"Same." Said the other girls in unison.
[]
Bandages pulled Shampoo in and prepared to launch yet another kick. This time however, Shampoo was prepared to counter. As the menacing mummy raised his leg, Shampoo repositioned herself in midair and countered his kick with one of her own, with both feet.
"Gwah-!"
Knocked off guard by the unorthodox parry, Bandages staggered backwards as Shampoo freed herself, landing safely with a backflip. As Shampoo composed herself after that harsh onslaught, she noticed both of her maces were gone. Looking over to her foe, she saw both of her chui within his grasp, or rather wrapped in his tape. "Hehehehehe…!"
Bandages guffawed menacingly as he began swinging his new makeshift weapons like a pair of flails, forcing Shampoo to retreat.
"Graaagh!" throwing one mace forward, Bandages struck at Shampoo from a distance, forcing her to hop in avoidance. Repeating this, Shampoo ducked under it. Bandages then swung the 'flails' sideways keeping Shampoo on the defensive. The nimble young fighter continued to sway away from her stolen weapons.
'Shampoo need to get chui away from Mummy Man!'
"What's wrong little girl? Too scared to get up and personal with old Bandy here?" Bandages taunted.
Her eyes narrowing sharply, Shampoo, took a crouched position before leaping high above the arena. Preparing to counter, Bandages wound up one of his makeshift flails, preparing to strike when Shampoo was within range.
As Shampoo started her descent, Bandages thrust his hand forward launching his stolen weapon at Shampoo. Unexpectedly, Bandages was met with a mysterious flash of light to the eyes as Shampoo straightened herself out in midair. The flash shining brighter, Shampoo dove into a midair front flip narrowly avoiding the off-kilter flail. Shampoo swiped her hands down as she landing behind the menacing mummy in a single swift motion.
As his eyesight returned, Bandages took a moment to look himself over and saw no signs of damage. Strange since he could swear he saw her attack. Regardless, he was ready to get back on the offensive…until he brought his hands up. To his surprise, the chui he'd stolen from Shampoo were nowhere to be found. In fact, not just the weapons, both of his hands were completely gone! Turning to Shampoo, he witnessed the smug faced amazon with her hands behind her back. With an innocent grin, Shampoo brought her hands forward revealing a curved sword.
"Seriously…where the hell does she keep that thing?" muttered Videl.
"What the…did you…did you cut my hands off!?" Bandages exploded.
Shampoo nodded before her deceptively sweet expression turned impish. "Mmmhmm, now Shampoo wonder where she cut next?"
Shampoo slowly approached a trembling Bandages, her sword gleaming as she held it in an offensive position. Bandages took a cautious step backwards shaking as Shampoo inched closer and closer to him, genuine fear adorning his face.
"I…I ain't done yet!" Throwing his dismembered forearms forward, Bandages shot two bands at Shampoo who responded simply by slashing them away. Bandages continued throwing bands at Shampoo and she continued slicing them apart. Bandages ceased his restraining attempts as Shampoo finally closed the gap between the two.
"Now…time for Shampoo to show what Mummy Man look like without bandages," she declared raising her sword.
His face exploding with fear, Bandages quickly fell to his knees, trembling. Through his shaky words, Bandages shamefully squeaked out, "I…I give up…"
"Hmph." With a few slashes in the air, Shampoo took a relaxed stance before bowing to her defeated foe.
"Impressive. It's a rare sight to see one of these jokers actually concede," Baba snickered.
"To be expected. We Amazons are a clan of warriors," beamed a prideful Cologne.
A bead of sweat ran down Gohan and Videl's forehead. 'A couple of words off and that'd straight up be a Vegeta line.'
As they both shelved their shared thought, Shampoo returned with a bountiful jaunt.
"So, how Ranma like Shampoo fight?" she asked cheerfully.
"Well…it was certainly one of your best…in a while at least…." Ranma stammered.
Ukyo gave a firm but neutral nod. "He's not wrong, I'll give you that."
Akane held her tongue, but silently agreed.
"I'm most surprised that you girls have been breezing through my fighters thus far," Baba praised. "Either you girls are much stronger than I give you credit for, or I need new warriors. Then again…it could be your timely visit with my brother gave you the info you needed to prepare yourselves accordingly."
"Maybe…" replied Ranma as the girls all turned faux coy.
"Well, since you're so well informed, I assume you know who's next?" she asked turning to Ranma.
Ranma pounded her fist in her hand before cracking her knuckles. "Oh I know what's next, and I'm ready!" she confidently declared.
"See that you are."
Before stepping onto the bridge, Ranma turned to the others. "Kick back ladies, I'm gonna give you girls a show!"
"Then by all means, dazzle us." Akane sarcastically deadpanned.
"Good luck Ranchan." Ukyo encouraged as Shampoo vigorously nodded in agreement. Videl gave a simple thumbs up as Ranma stepped onto the stone bridge.
"DEVILMAAAAAAAN!" Baba called.
As soon as the name left Baba's mouth, a blast of trumpet heavy music boomed through the cave.
"What the-?"
"In the dark who is that? Who is that? Who is that? There he is the devil. Devilman, Devilman!"
"Hey, isn't that the theme for-?"
"Turn that shlock off before we get sued!" Baba hollered, cutting Ranma off.
"Hmph…you peons lack showmanship," replied a smooth, deep, male voice. From the opposing cavern stepped an exceedingly tall man covered in black(blue?) with batlike wings, a long, pointed nose, a sharply tipped tail and horns.
"Huh…you actually don't look TOO different from the anime character, just less red." Ranma noted.
"I'd watch your mouth if I were you little lady. After all, not just anyone can survive a tussle with yours truly," Devilman bowed.
Ranma narrowed her eyes and flashed a confident smirk. "Oh I'll do more than just survive." Crouching into a combative stance, Ranma motioned for Devilman to make his move. "Bring it on!"
Devilman chuckled before taking his own battle position. "With pleasure." Spreading his wings, Devilman swooped at Ranma who was caught off guard by her opponent's speed.
'He's fast!'
Devilman struck with a swift punch. Ranma leapt over it, but was nicked in the leg by his claws.
"Ggh!" As Ranma attemoted to land, Devilman kept up the pressure by flying at the descending redhead and following up with a one-two claw swipe. With impressive flexibility, Ranma turned herself in mid-air to avoid his attacks, countering with a backflipping kick.
Devilman forced himself backwards to avoid Ranma's attack but was unprepared for the follow-up as Ranma landed on the head of the demon statue and rebound off it, launching herself at the airborne fiend.
"Hrrryaagh!"
"Dooooo-!"
Ranma dove headfirst into Devilman's stomach, knocking the wind out of him and mauling his flight patterns, forcing him to return to ground level to recuperate. Meanwhile, Ranma had landed safely back on the stone bridge, rubbing her head but otherwise fine.
A panting Devilman turned his face into an excited smile. "Well, I must admit, I wasn't expecting you to last more than a single attack, but low and behold, first blood is yours."
"Cut the act pal, we already did the vampire bit with Ucchan."
"Oh don't worry my dear, you won't have to worry about me sucking your blood, even after it spills out of you!"
"Devilman! Contain your murder impulse!" Baba chided.
"Nah, let him cut loose," Ranma challenged. "Even if he comes at me with everything he's got, I have no intention of dying today!" she proclaimed.
"Well…death or not, prepare yourself for a world of PAIN!"
Dashing across the stone tongues, Devilman attacked with a rapid barrage of clawed thrusts. With her focus sharp, Ranma was able to dodge and block much of the assault, even managing to get in some counterstrikes but not unscathed. As the two continued to trade blows, a small, snakelike appendage slunk it's way to Ranma's leg before harshly tripping her off, causing her to tumble off the edge of the bridge.
"Whhoooop-! RAAAAAA-!"
"Ta-ta!" Devilman waved at his falling foe before letting out a smarmy laugh.
"Ranma!" The Nerima girls called out.
"I got him!" Videl announced. Before she could make a leap at the cursed fighter, she was stopped by Gohan.
"Hold on a minute…"
"What for!?"
"Hey Baba!" Gohan called. "As long as the fighters don't hit the water, they're still in the fight, right?"
"Yes…" Baba raised an eyebrow.
In the next instance, a low whoosh could be heard coming from beneath the bridge. "Hmmm? That didn't sound like a splash…and where's the agonizing scream?" pondered Devilman.
Devilman's question would remain unanswered as a red blur shot up from beneath the pit below, Devilman just barely managing to avoid it. Landing on the stone tongues, the blur revealed itself to be a familiar red shirt, this time however, worn by a black-haired young boy.
"I'm back!"
"Wha-!? Who the hell are you!?" Devilman boomed.
"Ranma!"
"He back!"
"But…but how…how did he?"
"Judging by his trajectory, I'd say he rebounded himself off the walls," guessed Gohan.
"Maybe, but how is he a guy again? He didn't hit the water did he?"
"I can confirm, he did not," answered Baba.
[Flashback]
A fearful female Ranma hollered as she found herself drawing closer and closer to the surface of the water. 'Dammit, dammit, dammit! Why'd I forget that I wanted Videl to show me how to fly!?' she cursed.
As the end drew closer, Ranma felt something brush against her face…something warm. Steam. 'Right…the old lady said this water's boiling…wait…boiling water! I lose if I fall in…but maybe if I can just get splashed…!'
Turning herself in the air again, Ranma rolled into a nose-dive and cupped her hands to the side. 'I gotta time this just right or I'm finished!'
Ranma kept the position until her face was nearly a foot away from touching the water. In a single swift motion, Ranma thrust her hands forward with a burst of energy pouring out.
"Prideful Tiger…BLAST!"
As Ranma's trademark energy attack cut through the water, the residual back blast encompassed Ranma before he shot himself towards the wall and bounded off it back to the stone tongue bridge.
[End Flashback]
"So Ranma used the Tiger Blast to launch himself?"
Cologne let out a loud hearty laugh. "That's son-in-law for you! Always the one to recover by the skin of his teeth."
"Hmmm…I think I remember a story of someone Dad fought in the Tournament doing that same sort of thing with the Kamehameha!" Gohan noted.
[]
"So you…you're…that same red-haired girl?" asked Devilman.
"Who you callin a girl ya freak?"
"Pot meet kettle," Devilman muttered with a snarl. "Hmp…I suppose it's better this way. After all, I can sleep easier tonight knowing I didn't send a cute young lady to her doom. Also, I can now punish an upstart punk who had the gall to play with the heart of a demon!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just make your move before I thrash ya already."
"Fine then boy, but remember. YOU ASKED FOR THIS!" Extending his hand, a large sharp-tipped fork materialized in Devilman's hand. As Ranma braced himself for the incoming attack, Devilman caught him by surprise by chucking the fork at him like a javelin. Ranma leapt over the projectile just in time to see Devilman diving at him from above with another demonic pitchfork in hand.
"Hrrrragh…!"
Throwing at again, Devilman managed to snag Ranma by the scruff of his shirt and pin him to the demon face.
"Gah…hey what gives!"
Devilman sneered as he landed back on the stone tongue bridge. With a wicked glare, he placed two fingers at each side of his head and the area around him began to glow violet.
Ranma raised an eyebrow in concern and worry as Devilman laughed. "Now…show me your evil hearts!"
"Evil…the heck's that mean?" asked a bewildered Ranma.
"You wanted Devilman to fight at his fullest, did you not?" interjected Baba. "Well, here comes the part where you may heavily regret that decision dear boy."
"Huh?" Ranma turned back to Devilman who sneered as he pointed his fingertips at Ranma.
Back with the spectators, Cologne and the others began to sweat. "Ummm…should we be worried about what Baba just said?" asked Ukyo.
"Ranma can beat whatever Demon Man have plan," encouraged Shampoo.
'I wish I had your faith Great-Granddaughter. I don't know what it is, but something about Baba's words has me worried.'
The glow converged in Devilman's hands as he let out a fiendish laugh. "Vanish you impudent fool! DEVILMITE BEAM!" From his fingers, he shot a purple burst of energy in the shape of a spiral.
"Devil what?"
"Son-In-Law, move!" Cologne called.
Her warning would prove useless as Ranma couldn't free himself from his confinements in time and the light engulfed Ranma who braced himself for impact but felt nothing.
"What's going on?"
"Now…expand!"
Ranma raised a confused eyebrow before he could feel his heartbeat accelerate. Ranma began to pant, clutching his chest as his heart pounded faster and harder. Quickly curling into a ball.
"Ranma?"
"Something's wrong with Ranchan!"
"It's…his heart…!"
All eyes turned to Gohan who had a downright fearful expression on his face. "Gohan, what's happening to Ranma!?" Akane exclaimed.
"I don't know specifically, but something…something's wrong with his heart!" Gohan firmly repeated.
"It's the Devilmite Beam," Baba answered as she floated over to the peanut gallery. "That technique takes the negative thoughts and emotions of whoever the user's target is and causes those thoughts to expand until finally…they explode."
The temperature in the room dropped as the gravity of the situation hit. "Ranma…Ranma's heart…will explode…?"
"That mean…
"Ranchan…"
"Is gonna die!
Shampoo fell to the floor as Cologne quickly bounded up to meet Baba face to face. "You witchy old bitch!"
"Hey now, don't get snippy with me," Baba shot back. "You all heard Ranma, he's the one who asked Devilman to fight at his best. Whatever happens to him now is all his own fault."
"Ranma-!" Akane quickly climbed the edge of the viewing area, preparing to jump into the fray, but halted at Baba's exclamation.
"Hold it girl, if you jump in before the fight is called, then this whole challenge is void," Baba challenged.
Akane grit her teeth pondering whether or not to continue. Of course she didn't want to make the battles they'd fought up to this point superfluous, but she wasn't willing to risk Ranma's life for it, and from the looks of it neither was Cologne.
"Before you do something hasty, I'll have you know that there is a way to survive the Devilmite Beam."
"But you won't tell us, will you!?" snapped Ukyo.
"I literally can't tell you since I don't know what that way is, but I have seen it before…from his father," Baba pointed to Gohan.
"Dad?"
"Gohan!" Shampoo and Ukyo quickly darted to the flustered Saiyan, desperation in their eyes.
"Please tell us you know how to stop that Evil Beam or whatever!" Ukyo pleaded.
"I…don't…know….!" Gohan stammered.
"Useless, pervert guest!" Shampoo snapped.
"Now hold on…if we just think for a moment, we can probably figure out…"
"We no have time! Look!"
All eyes turned back to the scene with Ranma writhing against the wall, gritting his teeth ina desperate bid to fight back the agony he was experience. "I…won't…lose!"
"There's no escape boy!"
The spectators watched in fear as Ranma continued to resist the imminent danger. His struggle was being well fought, but they all knew he'd succumb soon.
"Wait, if the technique works by exposing a person's evil thoughts, doesn't Ranma just have to not think of anything bad?" suggested Gohan.
"I'm afraid it's not as simple as that my boy," Cologne denied. "Even a simple competitive spirit can be viewed as malicious intent, and knowing Son-In-Law, competition is his entire forte. The only way he could get out of this alive is if he feels absolutely…!"
Cologne stopped herself as the realization hit her. 'Of course! Ranma CAN survive this!'
"Son-In-Law! If you can hear me, remember this; The Weakness Moxibustion! Your training for that technique!"
"That technique?" asked Videl.
Ukyo and Akane both gasped as they both understood Cologne's implications. 'Ranma/Ranchan…'
[]
With bloodshot eyes, Ranma's body began to go limp while his heartbeat continued to accelerate, growing louder and louder with each passing beat. 'Why…does my body…feel so hot…my heart is…burning…'
"Remember…your training…weakness…moxi…"
'Training…?'
'Ultimate weakness…'
'Weakness…?'
In his weakened daze, the burning sensation sizzled straight through from Ranma's chest to his back, inciting a rugged sense of déjà vu. Suddenly, everything froze. Ranma's face went blank as his heartbeat steadily slowed to normal and then even slower.
"What is this?" asked a surprised Devilman.
Thanks to all the writhing, Ranma's shirt finally tore, releasing him from the fork causing him to land face first on the stone bridge.
"Ranma!"
"Is he…?"
As the Nerima ladies viewed Ranma, Videl turned to Gohan who gave a silent confirmation on his current status. Devilman on the other hand, was unable to tell how his opponent had fared from his position so he slowly and cautiously approached Ranma's seemingly lifeless body.
"Hmmm…I don't know why his heart didn't explode, but I guess all the strain his attempts at beating back my technique caused was too much for him to handle after all," Devilman sneered.
"Ranchan…he's…"
"Aiya…it…cannot be…"
Tears welled up in the eyes of the young Amazon and the chef. Their tomboyish rival on the other hand could only clench her fist in seething fury. "You…you monster…."
"Well then who's next?" asked a smarmy Devilman.
"Don't get ahead of yourself."
All eyes turned to Gohan who had a cocky look on his face. "After all, your fight's not over yet."
"What are you…?" Devilman turned back to find his red-clad opponent slowly picking himself off the ground. "He's still alive!? HOOOWWW!?"
[]
"So…he did hear me after all," snickered Cologne. The younger girls all breathed relieved sighs as Videl began asking questions.
"Does this have anything to do with that technique you mentioned earlier?"
"Just wait girl. Something tells me, you'll be seeing it pretty soon."
[]
Devilman grit his teeth in rage. Seeing his Ultimate Technique fail once to that monkey-tailed boy was bad enough, but now this pig-tailed scrapper too!? Taking a breath, he calmed himself. His attack may have failed, but unlike with Goku, it actually had an effect. Surely there's no way in hell he could survive it again, right?
Taking up his position, Devilman once again pointed his fingertips at Ranma. "You got lucky last time boy, but this time you DIE! DEVILMITE BEAM!"
Once again, the purple spiral zoomed at Ranma who's emotionless face shifted into a small smile. "Just what I wanted."
Taking a knee, Ranma reared his fist back, prepared to strike at the incoming projectile. "Revised Ultimate Technique…"
When the DM Beam was mere centimeters from Ranma, the pig-tailed fighter threw his fist forward with a triumphant yell. "Horizontal…HIRYU SHOTEN HAAAA!"
Devilman's attack was completely engulfed as a Ki Infused tornado erupted from Ranma's fist. The flabbergasted demon was unable to avoid the attack as he was sucked into the windy spiral and blasted through the opposite stone demon, out of the palace onto parts unknown.
[Elsewhere]
'Huh…whoa…what's that energy? It's nobody we know, but that's too big for a normal Earthling.'
"Goku, get back over here! These turnips won't pick themselves!"
"Coming!"
[Back at the Palace]
Shampoo and Ukyo clasped hands, cheering in unison at Ranma's victory all the while, Akane and Cologne eased their tense nerves. Gohan, Videl, and Baba on the other hand could only gawk at Ranma completely stunned.
"What…was…"
"That…!?"
"Some insane power, I'd say," noted Gohan.
"But…but how did…!?" Videl continued to stammer as Baba examined Ranma, who had collapsed on the ground.
"Well…needless to say, this is your win Ranma," Baba announced.
"Yay…" Ranma gave an exhausted thumbs up.
[]
The two young rivals continued celebrating together and Videl finally found her voice again. "I have…a few questions… but can we start with how Ranma survived that Death Beam or whatever?"
"The Soul of Ice." Cologne replied.
"In essence, it's a mentality that ensures perfect emotional balance. Ranma may not have been able to devoid himself of any wicked thoughts, but since he was fully in control of them, he was able to stave off the Devilmite Beam. What happened next could only be described as either a sheer lucky break or blessing in disguise. Figures that of all the forms that Devilman's technique could take, it would happen to be a spiral."
"A spiral?" the couple asked in unison.
"Does that have something to do with Ranma's Dragon Twister or…whatever that was?" Gohan added.
"Apologies, but that's as much as I can say on the matter…for now at least," Cologne dismissed. "Someone should go retrieve Son-In-Law before he falls into the boiling water for real this time."
"I got him!" Akane announced as she appeared with a drained Ranma on her back. 'You better not give me any heat for not changing you into a girl again before carrying you…' Akane's face twisted into a wavering smile. "You jerk…"
[Many Moments Later]
The gang was all assembled back in the circular ring. Ranma had regained consciousness but was set aside with Cologne and Gohan. That last battle took a lot out of him, so even IF someone else had to take over this next fight, he was in no position to do so.
The other girls all stood back as Videl stepped forth. "We're down to the final battle, and Videl's the last woman standing!" Ukyo noted.
"Still…Shampoo wonder why Psychic Lady want Fly Girl to fight last."
'She's right…Baba has something planned for Videl…but why do I suddenly have such an uneasy feeling?' Gohan inwardly pondered.
"Does it even matter at this point?" asked Akane. "All we can do now is have faith that she can end this thing and do it cleanly." 'Good luck.'
"I must admit, I haven't had someone make it to the fifth and final round since Goku and the others did all those years ago. Just for making it this far, win or lose, I'll be willing to do the divination for only a fraction of my usual asking price. I'm certain your esteemed father can afford it," Baba snickered.
"Thanks, but don't count us out yet. I can't guarantee I'll be able to top what Ranma just did, but I can assure you, I will win this!" Videl declared.
Baba snickered before retreating into the palace. "If you'll give me a short moment, I must fetch the final fighter. He's been waiting at Yemma's place, and now's the time to bring him in."
As the devious diviner disappeared, Videl turned back to the others who looked eager, yet cautious. Gohan on the other hand looked rather anxious, then again…he was always like that whenever Videl fought so that was nothing new.
'I sure wish Gohan would calm down. I get why he was worried with Ryoga, but I'm still a lot stronger now, and I doubt Baba's going to revive someone like Cell…she's not gonna revive Cell, right?'
As if on cue, Baba returned emerging from the shadowed dome with a devilishly mischievous smirk on her face. Gohan's face however, turned pale.
"Gohan? You okay there dude?" asked a concerned Ranma.
'That energy…why does it feel so familiar…and why don't I like it…?'
Videl glanced back to Gohan, noticing his panicked expression. Worry sat in as she turned back to Baba who floated aside to make way for the mystery opponent. "Sorry to keep you waiting. The person you'll be fighting, is him."
As Baba motioned with her arms, a large figure emerged from the dome. Videl and Gohan's eyes both widened as the instantly recognized the figure; A tall, pale, bald man with muscles large enough to make his veins bulge. Plastered on his gray forehead was a curved letter 'M'.
"N-no way…!"
"It's…you…!?"
"Satan…!"
Shaken, Videl took a step back as her large opponent towered over her.
"Spopovitch!"
(A/N: Cue the Roundabout! Welp, a LOT of people guessed who the mysterious final fighter was. Sure enough, Spopovitch is back and it's time for the rematch of the century! I apologize if the fights in this chapter feel a bit rushed, but I REALLY wanted to get to this point. I hope I that between four fights at least, it was satisfactory enough. Also, this being this story's 3-Year Anniversary, this is also my longest chapter yet, even excluding the rant up top. I can say with certainty the next Chapter won't be THIS long, but I intend to give a show. Next time will Videl prevail against the first foe who gave her a taste of a 'real fight' or will history repeat itself?)
