Chapter 8 Rescue
" Does she dust in here?" I wake from the dream and sit up I look over at Ana's side of the bed. The dream is was so real and I miss her. I remember that day and conversation about the red room so well like it was yesterday. We had split up and I just got my Ana back I was horrible to her and I never wanted to take her in that room again. She left me for what I did to her. But yet there she was I found her up there in the room looking at the items she seemed curious but as I watched her I just felt regret for what I had did to her. I had to get her out of there. I was so dumb I must have left the door unlocked. I went in to get her out of the room and like my Ana she had other things in mind. As curious as ever she asked about Mrs. Jones cleaning in the room. The memory makes me smile. For the first time I head up stairs alone with out her and go into what has become our playroom I sit on the couch. The place she said was the only normal piece in the room and just think about her and the memories are so unbearable. I decide tomorrow I need to call Flynn.
I know I didn't think I would need Flynn but it's been two days and I am miserable. She is my everything and to know that she is out there somewhere and being treated in a way that I vowed she would never be treated just makes me sick. I love her with every ounce of my being and she comes back harmed or even worse than I will not be able to live with myself. I decide not to go back down stairs I lay on the couch and try and relax and sleep. When sleep does come it's not very restful. When I wake in the morning. I decide not to go to work. I need to see Flynn and get the money ready for the dock. I hope today I will get to hold my girl in my arms.
10:00am I find myself sitting with Flynn in his office. " Christian I don't know why you felt that coming to see me this time was weakness. Your wife has been kidnapped if you were not feeling out of control and like you were breaking down. I would be wondering about you. Christian you are human not weak."
" I know I just want to be strong for Ana.I want to be able to help her. I have everyone out there trying and working to bring her home. I can't fall apart."
" Yes, you can. You are doing what you can now. You need to be able to grieve and be afraid for her. When she is home she will need you to be strong for her. She will need you sitting here with her while I help her and you. Christian she will need a lot patience from you this event is going to change her for awhile. She will need you to help her come back and become Ana again. "
" Yes I know you are right. I will show her no matter what I am here for her to help her heal and feel like herself again. I will never stop loving her no matter how long it takes for her to heal. I am just hoping they are not causing her more pain right now than she can handle. "
" Christian I know but you have to be prepared for anything she tells you. Let's hope that they haven't done anything to her that she or you can't handle. You need to remember that whatever happened to her she didn't ask for or want."
" Flynn I know. Why are you telling me this."
" Christian one of the main things that is the hardest for a husband to hear is that his wife has been sexually assaulted they feel for some reason like she has cheated on them or that she is some how dirty. None of this was her fault or your fault."
" Flynn I will never ever think that way about Ana no matter what happened. I know I am the only man she has ever wanted to touch her. I will hate the person who did this to her if they have ever done anything to her to compromise my baby and made her feel like she feel ashamed."
" Ok Christian good now let's talk about how you. Have you had any nightmares from the past or are those things staying at bay.?"
" No my past has not surfaced. I have just been haunted by memories of Ana the good times. I just feel so out of control I want her back. Since the day she has come back into my life I have not wanted to spend one second with out her. Now I have found myself unable to hold her or see her or even speak to her unless someone else lets us. I am totally hating every second of my life."
" Christian I know you are feeling that way. I am glad you are in touch with those feelings. I want you to know they are normal feelings and you have every right to feel that way. I want you to go home or go to work and focus on what you are going to do when Ana is home to make sure she feels safe and loved now more than ever. Stop focusing on how you will never see her again. Focus on her being home. It will be better for you and her. "
I leave Flynn's office and I go home. I go into my office open my safe and take out five million dollars in cash. This is suppose to get me one step closer to my girl. When I get the call I am going to demand Ana with the first money or they don't get a second.
As I am packing up the money I hear Taylor, Sawyer and Elliot in the apartment. Elliot comes into my office.
" Christian we need to talk to you please come in Taylor's office. We may not need the money. "
I follow Elliot out of the office and into Taylor's office.
" Sir we have been following Abbey Kent all day yesterday and through the evening and most of today. She has a house on the other side of Seattle from her her apartment and she has been taking pizza and food to the house. Today we saw her sister Alicia open the door for her and she went in. While she was there Jose Rodriguez showed up at the house. The only one who left the house was Abbey. "
" Taylor do you think that is where Ana is?"
" Yes sir I do. I know they are to call you soon. I want you to take the call and then Sawyer and I will take the money to the dock. I don't think they will bring Mrs. Grey with them. You and Elliot go to the house and get her."
" Christian Taylor and I think it would safer for you to stay away from the docks they may try to kill you and we can't take that risk so you and I will go get Ana. They have no clue we know about the house. "
" Ok well let's get ready the call should be coming soon and I want to go get my baby. "
" Sir you pack up the money Sawyer and I are meeting the FBI we are listening to your calls. Elliot and you go and stake out the house when they leave you let us know if you see Mrs. Grey if not you and Elliot go in and get her. "
" OK sounds good Elliot are you ready?"
" Yes let's take my car Christian they have no clue what it looks like. "
My heart starts beating I am overjoyed that today Ana will be coming home. I go in my room and put on some darker color clothes so not to be seen as easily. I see my photo of Ana on my night stand. I smile at it and pick it up. I am coming to get you Ana stay strong just a little bit more hang on baby.
Ana-
" Well Ana today is the day I get my money from your husband. I promise you now harm will come to you as long as I get my money. But, him he is going to feel pain he stole you from me so I want him to feel pain. You rejecting me well you will stay alive and feel pain forever because I am going to take his last breath and you will live forever with out your beloved."
" I don't understand what do you mean he stole me from you? I don't even know who you are? Could you please let me see you so I know who you are? Please don't hurt Christian he did nothing wrong. He just fell in love he will give you all the money you want. Please."
Then I hear his voice he has stopped using the thing to make it sound different it's Jose. I suddenly start to cry.
" Jose why are you doing this? Maybe we could talk and work something out. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am sorry that I didn't feel like you did. Please let Christian live you can keep me here forever if you just spare his life. "
" Ana I don't want you here forever I have found love now andI am happy I just want you to hurt because you made me hurt. Now I am going to call your husband and have him bring the money and then his Chapter will be over. I will let you say good bye but if you warn him in anyway I will not stop with him. I will kill you and every one in the family. "
Jose takes my blind fold off and I watch him call Christian. I keep telling myself to just not cry and let Christian know that I love him more than life I need him to know that. I am so afraid. I sit thinking about Christian as I hear Jose give Christian the instructions. I turn away I can't look at him anymore. Suddenly I feel him jab the phone in my back I turn can he puts it up to my ear.
" Christian, baby, I am ok. I love you. Please baby don't go to the dock don't give him the money don't give him what he wants."
" Ana, don't be affraid. It is all going to be alright I promise. Baby, I am coming to get you. Please be strong we will be together soon baby. Be brave no matter what happens you will be back home soon. Ana I have missed you and I love you and I want yo make it all better again baby."
" Christian it is better I am getting to hear you. I miss you so much. I I just can't loose you. I am afraid."
" Of what baby? They will not hurt you I promise. When they leave
baby just stay quiet and listen you will hear a familiar sound and I promise you it will be me. "
" Christian I am afraid of everything right now."
" I know Ana I know just know I love you. I am giving them everything they want because I want my life back. Ana you are my life and without you I have had no life. I want you back my love and I will have you back. Now baby be strong I have to go so I can make it in time. I promise to hold you tight all night. "
He hangs up the phone and I start to cry I want to see him again. Suddenly Jose slaps me.
"Were you trying to warn him? Telling him not to come?"
" No I just didn't want you getting any of his money he earned it being an honest man and you are going to get it just because he wants his wife back that you took against her will."
He doesn't say a word he just leaves the room shuts off the lights and leaves me only tired up not blindfolded or gagged. I sit in the silence and all I think about is Christian and hoping he will be ok.
It's quiet for while. I suddenly hear sounds from outside the house. I hear a door upstairs open and I hear soft foot steps walking on the floor upstairs then they stop. I hear the door again and a car drives away.
Christian
Elliot and I pull up to the house and we see smoke coming from one of the rooms on the top floor. We find the back door has been left unlocked so we slowly open the door and go inside. We don't know if anyone is here with Ana or if Ana is still here at all. Elliot runs into the living room and back to me I am in the Kitchen.
" Christian you find the door to the basement I mean if she has a room like that in the dark it must be down stairs. I am going to look up stairs I hope if there is smoke up there I can find it and put out a fire if one is starting you go and find Ana."
Just off the kitchen I find a door that leads downstairs. When I get down there. I decide to call out for her maybe she will hear me.
" Ana, baby it's me don't be afraid I am here with Elliot we are here to get you baby. Ana honey say something it's dark and I am trying to find a door or room you might be in. "
" Christian, Christian I am in here. Please baby be careful they want to kill you. I love you."
I hear her voice she sounds so much in pain and scared. Suddenly I come to a door and I can hear crying behind it. It doesn't open very easy but after a few kicks I break it in.
" Ana are you in here?"
" Christian I am right over here. Baby I am tied up and I cant come to you."
" I have a flashlight I am going to turn it on and I am coming to untie you."
I turn on the light and I see my girl laying on a bed her arms and legs tied. She is looking at me and she is crying. I runt to her and I kiss her she kisses me back and we both start crying. I break away and untie her legs and arms and I scoop her up in my arms. She is so light she lays her head on my shoulder and starts crying and shaking. I sit down on the bed with her and start kissing her head and whispering in her ear.
" It's ok An your safe I am here. All is going to be ok. I got you and I will never let you go again."
She picks her face up and places her hand on my cheek and leans in and kisses me.
I kiss him with all that I have. He is here my love and life is here. I am ok, He is ok.
" Christian please take me home I want to go home. "
" Baby yes I am taking you home right now. But first you need something to wear. "
He takes his shirt off and puts in on me. Suddenly we hear Elliot screaming from upstairs.
" Christian hurry we need to get out of here the house is on fire. You need to hurry have you found Ana?"
Christian stands up with me in his arms and heads for the door.
" Elliot I am on my way up are you ok?"
" Christian I am down here is there a way out from the basement the flames I am not sure if we will make it through the house to the door. ?
" Elliot I don't know we have to try and make it upstairs."
" Ok but we better stay low I mean the smoke is getting really bad."
I start to shake and cry we are all going to die. I just keep thinking that. Christian sits down with me.
" Ana baby we are going to need to crawl baby can you do that for me? I will be here with you. We need to stay low."
" Christian I will try. Please don't leave me. "
" Never baby. I promise you get right here by me. I will keep my arm around you and we will crawl and follow Elliot out to the stars."
We get to the stairs and the door is shut but the smoke has been thick and it's pouring in from under the door. Elliot gets to the top and looks back.
" Christian the door is hot I mean really hot. I don't know if I should open it. "
" Elliot we have to open it. How else are we going to get out?"
The beams and floor boards from above start caving in and falling around us. I feel Christian hold me even tighter.
" Christian I love you. I want you to know that if we don't make it. I need you to know I love you and Jose didn't he didn't do anything to me baby like well like that. It's only you and will always be only you. "
" Ana, look at me don't you give up on me now baby. We are getting out of here and I am going to make you safe forever. stay with me. "
" I just am tired Chrsitian and I am scared. What if we all."
" Ana, now we are all going to be ok. "
Suddenly Elliot screams and and huge beams falls and that is the last thing I see.
" Christian are you and Ana oK? Say something."
" Elliot get out of here get some help please I can't move the beam is on top of her and I can't move it. Please go get help. I can't leave her."
" Christian I am not going to leave you both I will come and help. "
" Elliot we can't move it it's hot and heavy. Please get outside call for help. You need to save your self you can't leave Kate. "
Christian-
The smoke is starting to hurt my eyes. The heat is almost unbearable. I don't hear Eliott anymore or see him. I hope he got out. I lay close to Ana. I find my last strength and I get the beam off of her. I slowly take her in my arms and I decide I have to get us out of here.
" Christian I I can't breathe. Please kiss me one last time."
I look down at my beautiful girl and take her head in my hands and kiss her with all that I have left.
" Please Ana stay with me don't give up. We will get out of here. Elliot went for help. "
" Christian I can't I am sorry."
" Ana, no you have to stay with me. I can't live with out you I won't live with out you. "
I hear voices and sirens and I know we will be out of here soon. I begin to scream so they will know where we are. I think I see some one coming through the thick smoke but it over takes me.
Kate-
I am sitting with Elliot in an ambulance where they had him getting oxygen because of the smoke that he has inhaled. He will be ok they tell us. He seems worried as he lays there I know he wants to know if they have found Christian or Ana. I have not seen them brought out yet. I was told that one of the men had heard someone screaming for help and a group went in to rescue them.
I see two stretchers being brought from the house. I begin to cry and walk out of the ambulance away from Elliot and see Ana and Christian. They stop and put oxygen on them both. I look at the fire man and say.
" Are they still alive?"
" Yes, ma'am just barely but they are. Excuse me I need to get them both loaded up and off to the hospital. "
I step away and run back to let Elliot know that they both have made it. They are both needing medical attention but they are doing alright. I then ride with elliot on the way to the hospital in the ambulance because now that they others have been found they decide it's time for him to be checked out too. We wanted to wait until we heard about Christian and Ana.
I call Grace and let her know about Ana and Christian. She then let's me know that she has heard from Taylor and that the incident didn't go as smoothly as planned. Sounds like Jose and Alicia had gotten away. Taylor is at the hospital and he will await Mr. Grey and when it is time will fill him in on all the good and the bad of it.
At the hospital I watch as they role Ana and Christian in the doors and inside the emergency room. I go back to see Elliot. He is off the oxygen and they has stitched him up on some of the places that he had been cut and dressed his burns. He looks badly bruised by he is still my Elliot.
" Have you seen Christian or Ana yet? I mean how bad are they?"
" Elliot I think Ana is unconscious I don't think Christian is but, I haven't been to see them or get any information on them. I wanted to come and see you. I need you to be ok. I can't loose you."
" Kate I am ok. I am here you are never going to loose me. I love you and I need you too. Now come her and sit with me. I need to hold you. I feared for a bit today that I would not make it and I would never see you again. I am so glad I did."
"Oh Elliot I would have been devastated if you had not not survived. I need you. I have to tell you something. I am I am pregnant."
He takes me in his arms and kisses me and hugs me. He pulls back and has his bad boy smile.
" Kate that is the best thing that I have heard in like the past two days. When did you find out?"
" Just today I had a doctor's appt. this morning and she told me then. I was going to wait to tell you but the fear of almost loosing you made me decide I should tell you. "
" Oh Kate I am so excited we are going to be the world's best parents. "
" Yes we are. "
Grace comes in the room to see how Elliot is.
" I am so glad you are alright. Tell me what were you two thinking going in a house that was on fire?"
" We were saving Ana and we didn't know it was on fire or at least that bad until I went upstairs. I had to give Christian time to save Ana he needs her and if I would have made him leave and she were to have died in that fire the would have never forgiven me or himself. I think they set the fire with that intention so he could never have her again. I knew we would be trapped and that we may not have made it out. Be he had to be with her. If I had to I would do it again. Now Dr. Grey tell me how are they?"
" Elliot they are both being sedated right now for the burns and they are on oxygen they took in a lot of smoke. I am hoping they will be alright. Ana got hit on the leg badly by a beam our something and Christian's is pretty burnt from trying to save her. But he was conscious they said on the way here but going in and out because of the pain. They have put him under because the pain is so bad. I think he will heal. "
" Mom why do you keep dancing around Ana I mean you think Christian will heal but Ana?"
" Oh Elliot she will be fine. I just worry about her because she has so many emotional wounds from this as will be tough for her. "
" Mom she has Christian and he will stop at nothing to help her know he will. He is by her forever. "
" Yes you are right. At least they are both on the same floor here so they are not far away.'
" Mom you need to pull your weight and get them in the same room. Christian and Ana need to be near each other when one wakes up with out the other they will panic. "
" Elliot I know you are right and I will see what I can do. Taylor was shot and he is ok he will be released I think tomorrow. But it's so unfortunate about Sawyer. He blamed himself for Ana and he wanted to save her. Now she will feel guilt for him I am afraid."
" Mom what do you mean?"
" Elliot, Kate Sawyer was shot but he didn't make it I am afraid."
I can't believe my ears. Ana will be heartbroken she loved Sawyer so much he was like her big brother her protecter if Christian was not around the only other person who made her feel safe other than Christian. I start to cry and Elliot pulls me into his arms. Grace leaves the room and Elliot just continues to hold me as I cry for Sawyer.
I find Ana's parents sitting with her in and they both look so heartbreaking.
" She is going to be ok Carla. I know she will she is strong. "
" Kate I know you are right and I know I shouldn't blame Christian for this but I do. His wealth is something Ana just was not used to and she doesn't need to be locked in cage. She should have been able to go jogging on her own and had no harm come to her. "
" Carla you can't be serious blaming Christian for this Jose went over board he is a nut job that was jealous because he couldn't have her. Ana would be very upset to hear you saying those things about Christian he is her world and she has never been happier"
" Happier Kate really look at her she is lying here fighting for her life because of what her husband was rich and Jose wanted his money. "
" Carla I a Ana's best friend and I hate to have to do this but I feel Ana would want me to. Please if you are going to sit here and blame Christian for this I have to ask you to leave Ana doesn't need this negative energy. I know from when Christian was unconscious that they can hear us and you need to now speak that way about Christian. Ana would choose him over any of us and that is the way it should be."
Carla gets up and I can tell she is upset she leaves the room Bob follows her out. I sit down next to Ana.
" Ana I am so sorry I had to do that your mom can't blame Christian for this. I hope you will be alright. I haven't seen your prince charming yet but I promise you he is alright and Elliot is too. You all are going to be just fine. Grace is trying to get it worked out so you and Christian can be housed together. I think that will help you both heal faster you have been kept apart to long already. "
" Kate, Where is he? Where is Christian I need to see him. I need him with me. I am afraid."
"Ana, you are awake. Honey he is here. He is alright. I will go find him for you. Don't be scared he came and rescued you and now your safe. Just rest a minute and I will go find him for you. "
I leave Ana's room in a panic she wants Christian and I have to make this happen for her. I find Grace and I tell her what has happened. She immediately has Christian moved into Ana's room. When he gets there she is asleep again. He was still under sedation so he never knew of the move or that they were separated. I feel so much better because the next time she wakes up Ana will be able to see him and feel so much better and safe because he is there with her.
I go and let Elliot know that they are together and even he feels better about it. He tells me that he knows that Christian will probably never let her out of his site again I know that he is right. But I don't think Ana will mind she will not want to be with out him either.
I wake up and expect to see Kate next to me and I vaguely remembered that she left to find Grace the last time I woke up. Nothing makes a lot of sense and my mind is all cloudy. I turn my head to my right and I see another bed in the room that wasn't there before. It's Christian they brought him in here. He is asleep and has some some burns on his arms like me but he looks so yummy and peaceful. I lay back and just watch him sleep. I am so happy he is here and we are together.
I really wish I could get up and go lay with him but I am hooked up to many things and my head feels very light with the pain medications that they have given me. I don't know how long I lay there and watch him sleep before I finally fall asleep. It is really not a peaceful sleep I keep having nightmares about waking up in that strange place in the dark and not knowing where I was. I recognized the smell as familiar but when I could see I noticed it was not the warmth of the red room that I have come to know very well. This was even scarier and before I could see much more some one had placed a blind fold around my eyes. I wake from the dream with a sudden jolt.
" Ana, are you ok Darling?"
" Grace I don't think I will be able to ever sleep peaceful again. I keep dreaming of them and being locked in that room. "
" Ana we can give you something to help you sleep. I think this will take time and I think you may want to consider speaking with someone about this. It may help you feel better. I think this will require more help that just Christian dear. You have been through a horrible ordeal. "
" I know. I guess I will make an appointment with Dr. Flynn. I think Christian trusts him and would be fine with me seeing him. Grace did you have Chrsitian moved in here?"
" Yes dear Kate thought it would be a good idea for you. To make you feel more safe. His burns are a bit more worse than yours so he will be kept sedated a while longer. But he does drift in and out now and then. So I am sure he would love to hear and see you. I tried to tell him you were alright. But he was so out of it I am not sure he understood. "
" Thank you Grace maybe you could find me a book or have Kate find one. Christian likes me to read to him that may sooth him and myself. Reading relaxes me."
" I will see what I can do dear. You try and rest too. I don't think either of you will be in here to long. Christian's burns are not that severe they are just so many and that is what makes the pain so unbearable. How are you feeling should I get you more medication? It does seem you IV is running low. I will be right back with the nurse to have her give you something for the sleeping to. "
Grace leaves the room and I just close my eyes and try and relax and think happy thoughts not going to happen with my eyes closed. I open them and look over at Christian, I hear his soft weak voice."
" Hey baby, your ok? Thank Goodness. I was so afraid I lost you."
" Oh Christian, never I am right here. I was afraid of the same. How are you? I am so sorry you were hurt."
" Ana, I would walk through fire any time to save you. I have been worse baby. I feel so much better having you here with me. How are you?"
" I am ok Christian, I can't really sleep I keep having nightmares. Your mom suggest I speak with some one. Would you come with me? I don't want to go alone?"
" You know I will. I just need to rest my eyes again I am sorry about all of this."
" Christian I am sorry. I am the one who went jogging on my own. This is all my fault. "
" Baby, hush it's not your fault but I do hope next time you take security with you and if they can't go you run on the treadmill in the house. Do you understand? I don't want any more risk taking with you. You are my most precious item in my life and I want no more harm to come to you."
" Ok Christian I promise no more."
I look over at him and I think he is back to sleep. the nurse comes in the room and puts something in my IV and in minutes I am asleep and this time it's a dreamless restful sleep.
A few days later Christian is released from the hospital but the doctors keep me they want to make sure I am sleeping and eating ok. I haven't had much of an appetite an I really can only sleep when they give me something.
There is a knock on my door Christian gets up from the chair to get it. Taylor comes in and he just doesn't look the me as normal"
" Sir are you ready to go? I have the car outside."
" Yes Taylor just give me a moment. I need to talk with Ana."
Taylor leaves the room and Christian sits down beside me.
" Ana honey the day I was rescuing you Taylor and Sawyer were helping authorities capture Jose and his girlfriend. Well Ana Sawyer was shot and he didn't make it. "
" What? Christian no that can't be true. Next to you he is the only other person who I trust to keep me safe. He has to be alright. I need Sawyer for if and when you can't be with me."
I grab a hold of Christian and start crying into his shoulder he holds me tight. I just can't believe this is happening.
" Christian where are you going? You can't just leave here alone. Please."
" I know baby let me help you get dressed we will take you home later but first we have to go to the services being held for Sawyer."
I can barely dress myself I am in such pain and the grief I feel is so overwhelming. Christian is helping me get dressed but it's like I am doing nothing he is dressing a doll. He has brought a black dress from home for me to wear. I just can't stop crying.
" Christian I don't think I can just walk. I am feeling so shaky and now this news is just to much."
He picks me up in his arms and carries me out of the room.
"Don't we have any paperwork for me to do?"
" No I did it while you were resting. Let's go Taylor has the car ready."
" How is he? I mean I think he grew pretty close to Sawyer. "
" He is not good like me he blames himself. But, he said Sawyer always said it was his job to take a bullet for you and I guess in a way that is what he did. He was fighting just as hard to find you and get you back. I just wish he was still here to see that you are back and you are going to be ok. "
When we get down to the Car Taylor is there holding my door for me but no one is in the front passenger seat its empty once again like it was when I first met Christian. He had hired Sawyer to take care of me and keep me safe. Sawyer had done his job very well since day one. My heart hurts so much right now that the physical pain seems like a cake walk. My feel like my stomach has been turned inside out and my heart is laying at my feet. I feel Christian take my hand in his and gently strokes it. I look over at him and for a moment I am glad that he is here. Glad that it is not him that Taylor is driving me to say goodbye to for the last time. If the pain is this bad when you loose a great friend. I can't even imagine what the pain would be if I lost Christian. I don't ever want to know.
As we pull up outside the funeral home I see Kate and Elliot and the other Greys talking. They seem so happy Kate looks like she feels so safe. I don't know if I will ever feel that safe again. Maybe if Christian let's me go with him all the time. I am sure he will I mean he always wants me to go on trips for business and things with him. Boy will he be surprised when the next time he wants me to go and I say yes.
Taylor comes and opens my door. I look into his eyes and see sadness even in his eyes.
" Taylor, I am sorry. "
" Ma'am what for?"
" For not waiting on Sawyer for getting you shot and him killed. I promise to next time do as I am told. I almost lost all of you and I lost one of the best people in my lives. I just am so sorry."
" Mrs. Grey this is not your fault and no one wants you to blame yourself or blames you. I know Sawyer would be disappointed to think you feel responsible for his life. In this line of work we take on the responsibility of the danger of something like this happening every day. It is always there in our minds. Could today be the day. Ma'am his last words to find you and bring you home to Mr. Grey alive. If he was going to die he wanted you to be home and happy and safe. He will be glad that you survived."
" Ana, what is it? What's wrong?"
" Nothing Christian I was just telling Taylor I was so sorry about Sawyer. I just wish I could do more."
" I know baby we all are sorry about Sawyer and he will be missed by us all. Come here let me help you walk inside. I know this is hard on you. Please know it will be ok. When you are ready we will hire you a new guard and you then you can feel safe again."
Christian looks down at me smiles as if what he just said is suppose to make everything better. I want to tell him right then I don't want a new guard I want Sawyer. Or since I can't have him I just want to be with Christian all the time he makes me feel safe and loved. That is what I want to feel always. I don't tell him this here I just nod my head and start to cry.
" Ana oh I am so sorry. "
Kate says as she comes rushing up to me she. pulls me from Christians arms and into hers.
" I will be alright Kate it will all be fine."
" Ana I am sorry you had to wait so long to find out none of us knew how to tell you. We knew you would take it hard."
" I will be alright Kate. It will just take some time."
I know she can feel me struggle to break out of her hold but she doesn't release me I just want to be back in Christian's arms. I look over at him and he cocks his head to the side and gives me a quick and weak smile.
He walks over to us and grabs for my hand,
" Come on Ana we should go inside. Kate thank you for coming. "
Kate smiles at Christian and lets me go. I take his hand and see her and Elliot following us in. I feel my legs about to give out when I see Sawyer's family up near the front. What will I say to them. When Christian and I get up to the front I see Sawyer lying there so peaceful. I hear his mother tell Christian she put him in something casual because he always had to be so dressed for work. She wanted him to be able to relax forever. Suddenly she turns to me.
" You must be Mrs. Grey. Luke had told me so much about you. He said you were one of the sweetest ladies he had ever met and that you had a mind of your own. He loved working for you and your husband."
My eyes start to water I just don't know what to say.
" I loved your son as well. He was the best person I could have asked for to be watching out for me. I am so sorry about your son. I never wanted this to happen ever. "
As I start to cry Mrs. Sawyer and I hug and I feel Christian's tender hand on my shoulder. I know that I will always have him.
We take our seats and for the next hour it feels like time freezes. Christian, Taylor and I all ride to the cemetery in silence. I lean over and lay my head on Christians shoulder. I start to cry again and he turns his head towards me and and whispers to me that it will be ok. Right now I am just not sure.
That night back at the apartment I get to sleep in my bed for the first time in two nights. I have missed home. I go in my closet to find some pjs and I feel a sense of panic rush over me. I sit down on the floor and I feel paralyzed. I can't move and I feel like I can't breathe.
" Christian please come in here I need you. I I can't get up. "
My voice sounds so weak I am not sure if he hears me.
" Ana what is it? Are you ok why are you in the floor?"
" Christian I can't move and I can't stop shaking. Please help me"
He takes the shirt he is wearing and puts in on me. He looks at me and smiles.
" Why did you come in here to get ready for bed you know you like to wear my shirts and I have missed having you in them. Now let me carry you to bed. We both need to take some medication for our pain and mom gave you something to help you sleep."
" Are you going to lay down too? You can't leave me in here alone. "
" I was going to work for a bit. Do you want me to do some of it in here?' Ana what's wrong baby you don't have to be frightened your home now and I am not going to let anything happen to you again. "
" Christian you have to stay with me I I can't be alone. I am afraid to be alone. "
" Ok Ana I am here calm down. I will work in the room. I need to go get some of the paper work from my study and then I will set up in here. Ok."
He lays me down in the bed and gives me my medication. Then he heads out of the room to get his computer and paperwork. I feel the darkness and the nerves come closing in on my body and mind again. I am trying to push the panic away. I know he will be right back but I feel fearful to be in this room alone. For the first time I don't feel safe here in this room. I don't think I will safe anywhere. Christian comes back into the room and he has the most glorious smile on his face. I smile back at him. I am so glad that he is back. He sets his work down on the desk he has in the room.
Then he comes over to me and kisses me so sweetly. I know he wants me to feel safe and his kiss is his way of telling me that he is here and I am safe. I lay down and watch him work. Soon I feel my eyes starting to get heavy and before I know it I am asleep.
Not long into my sleep I have a dream about a cold dark room. It's so dark I can't see anything at all. I can feel some one of something breathing on my neck I can't get away from it. I can't move. I start t panic and I want to run. I begin screaming for Christian I don't think he can hear me. I start crying.
" Ana, baby wake up I am hear. Wake up it's ok your home. You with me."
open my eyes and I am in Christian's arms we are in our bedroom.
" Oh Christian I was so scared. I I was gone again they had me. I don't want to go back there."
" Baby no it was just a dream you were here in bed your home an I am here I will not leave you. Tomorrow I will call Flynn Ana you need to see him so he can help us both. I want you to feel safe."
" Christian I do feel safe when you are with me. I can't be alone."
" Ana, I will not leave you alone. I am going to have Taylor be with you until I can find a new security guard for you. I promise you I will never let you go alone again."
" I don't want Taylor, I want you I need you. "
" Ana ok let's not worry not Taylor only me for a while until you are better. Bu, baby I may to have to go into work but we will figure it out. Lay back down I am still here. You need to try and sleep. "
" Christian I don't know if I can."
" Let me get you a book and you can read that will relax you. You have some over here let me grab you one. "
Christian brings me a book and then he goes back over to the desk and sits down. I sit up and watch him for a minute and then I start reading. Every once in a while I see him look over at me. I know he is concerned for me.
I don't remember laying down or falling asleep but I feel Christian in the bed and he pulls me into his arms and holds me tight as he falls asleep. I can feel him put his nose in my hair and I feel his hand slowly caressing me he doesn't say anything I am not sure if he knows if I am awake or not. But he just holds me. Part of me wants to turn over and have him make love to me. I missed his touch so much but part of me is so tired. I will wait until tomorrow. He is here now and I feel so much better because of that.
The next morning I feel the sun light hitting my face. It feels so nice because it felt like forever since I saw the sun. Suddenly the panic starts setting in I am alone in the bed and in the room. I sit up and Christian is no where. I listen and I know he is not in the shower either. He wouldn't have left me he promised.
" Christian, Christian! are you here Where are you?"
I feel like I can't get out of bed to find him. I sit and just scream out his name. I soon hear foot steps outside the room and the door opens and Christian comes into the room.
" Ana what is it? Baby I am here I didn't leave I was just out in the great room talking with my mom she came to see how you were. I let you sleep. Please don't cry."
I can't stop shaking or crying. He takes me in his arms and picks me up.
" Come on baby come with me you can see mom and visit her for awhile that will help you feel better."
When we get out to the great room Christian sets me down on the couch and Grace comes over to me.
" Ana darling honey I am so sorry your not sleeping well and still having panic attacks. What can I do to help?"
" Oh Grace I don't know Christian says we are going to be see Dr. Flynn. I just need to sleep peacefully so I don't have the dreams."
" Ana I am going to prescribe you stronger sleeping pills and some anxiety medication that I am hoping will help you. I hate seeing you like this. I know you have gone through a lot including loosing Sawyer. I think when Christian goes to work or out of town you need to come and stay with me and Carrick. You don't need to be alone until you are better dear. "
" Thank you Grace. I appreciate all this. I just hate being a burden on you and Christian. I know he doesn't have the time for me like this. "
" Ana darling you are not a burden to me or to Christian you are his wife and I know he wouldn't want to do any different for you. "
While Grace and I visit Christian goes into his study and works and also sets up me time to meet with Dr. Flynn.
" Ok ladies, I think Ana needs to get all washed up it's about an hour until her appointment. Come on baby let me help you wash up. We have to watch out around your burns. "
Christian walks his mom out and sit on the couch and wait for him.
I get up and follow Christian into our room and bathroom. He gently gives me a sponge bath and washes my hair. He is so sweet and caring.
" Christian are you going to be in the session with me and Dr. Flynn today?"
" Ana, I think that is up to you. I understand if you want to just speak with him this time. But, I will do what ever you feel you want. I just want you to start feeling better. I knew you were not sleeping well last night. I could tell you were very restless I hope speaking with him will help."
" Christian I want you there with me. I have nothing to hide and I just want you there."
" Ana, I know you are not trying to hide anything from me. Baby, I want what is best for you. I love you Ana and I want to help you get through this. "
We get to Flynn's office and we take a seat in the waiting area Christian holds my hand and he is gently rubbing my back with his other hand. We sit on a couch together close and I love the feel of his body next to mine. I find myself thinking about him and missing him putting his hands and mouth on me. I want him so badly. lay my head on his shoulder.
" Christian, I miss you. "
" What, baby I am here."
" No I mean I miss your touch and your kisses and your gentleness I miss you in everyway."
" Oh, Ana I mis you too. We will have to fix that. I promise to bring you some hearts and flowers and sweet love making tonight. I must say I have been craving you since you came back home. I love you Mrs. Grey. "
He leans down and pushes my chin up to his and he kisses me. Just as I start to deepen the kiss. I hear the door to Dr. Flynn's offie open and he steps out.
" Ana welcome are you ready?"
" Yes, I am thank you. Would it be alright if Chrisitan joins us?"
" Ana this is your session we can do it how ever you would like."
Christian sits with me again on a couch in the office. Flynn sits on a chair across from us.
" Ana Christian tells me you are having nightmares and trouble sleeping. Maybe we should talk about the dreams that may help you so you can sleep better."
" Well, basically they are dreams of me being tied in a dark room alone and then of course one of them come into the room and they well, sometimes they put there hands on me or try and kiss me. When I try to resist they hit me or pull my hair. I am just scared and I can't escape."
" Are these events that happened or are they just part of the nightmare?"
" Well, the hitting and hair pulling definitely did happend. I think Jose did try and touch me a couple times that I remembered but he would stop when I would bring up his fiancée and ask him why he was doing this to me. I just find it hard to believe how he was my friend so long and then could turn so cold towards me and want to hurt me. Does jealousy really make you hate some one so much."
" Ana some people when they become jealous do become very resentful and can do things to people that are hateful and mean out of spite. I think at one point Jose was a friend to you. But, your relationship with Christian seemed to be one thing that he could not get over. He seems to have had an obsession with you and thinking that one day the two of you would be together. Then it didn't happen. "
" Do you think he would have hurt me or was it just about Christian's money?"
" Ana I don't know the answer to that but maybe it will come out as a trial goes forth."
"Oh yes right a trial. I will have to testify and I don't know if I want to face any of them again. I don't think I am strong enough too."
" Ana from what I know and have heard about you. I think you can do it. I will help you get there so you can do it. I also know that Christian will help you as well. None up us want this to hurt you anymore than it has."
" What about my dreams about Sawyer? I mean it's my fault he is not here anymore. I can't seem to hate myself for that."
" Ana, I really don't think you should have the burden of that on you. Sawyer was doing his job and I am sure he knew the risks he took in that line of work. I know it seems easy to blame yourself and in some ways it is normal. But, we will work through that. You can't carry the guilt of his death. It is an unfortunate thing that happened and I know you will miss him but you must not hold yourself responsible for it. It is not your fault that any of this happened."
" Yes, but I did go running on my own. I mean if I would have waited until he was feeling better and could go this may not have happened to either of us."
" True but, Ana women go running everyday with out body guards and this doesn't happen to all of them. You can't blame yourself. I know that people are watching you because of who you are. But you can't let that stop you from living your life. You need to continue being who you always were."
" I will try maybe in time but right now I am just to afraid to do that. I can't be alone and I don't want to be alone."
" Ana I think that is ok for right now you went through a very traumatic event and no one blame you for wanting to be with people right now. I think that is normal. Time will help you heal. You need to be patient with yourself as I hope others will be patient with you."
" I feel like I am being a burden on Christian, he hasn't said anything like that. But, what if I am."
" Let's ask him he is sitting right there."
" Chrisitan am I burden on you now? I am sorry if I am I just am afraid to be with out you."
Christian has tears in his eyes as he looks at me. He takes my hand and looks me in the eye and speaks.
" Ana you are not a burden to me at all. I want to be there for you during this time and anytime. I want to be what you need to heal. I will not leave you alone as long as you need me there to help you heal. I am here for you baby always. I love having you with me. I don't think I want to let you out of my site right now anyway. I need to keep you with me so I can keep you safe. "
" See Ana do you believe him?"
" Yes I do. Christian never lies to me. I know he is telling the truth because he always tells me the truth no matter what."
" Good. Well I say we meet again next week and talk some more. Why don't you just concentrate this week on being with Christian and feeling comfort in him and your home. All of the feelings you are having are normal. "
We get up to leave and Christian takes my hand and walks me out of the office. I can see the concern for me on his face. I know he is worried about me. I want to tell him I will be ok but, I can't because right now I don't know if I will be ok.
Taylor opens my door for me. When Christian gets in he asks.
" Where to sir?"
" Taylor I think I would like to go home. Ana, are you good with that? I thought maybe tomorrow we could go out to the property and call Gia and get started on the house. Take your mind off things. Would you like that."
I look over at him and smile. " Yes, Christian I think I would. Can we go home now. I really really need you. "
When we get back home to Escala Christian picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. We spend the rest of the day until dinner in there. He touches me everywhere so sweetly and slowly makes loves to me and makes me forget everything but how him and how he can make me feel.
Grace and Carrick drop by to see us both for a bit and Grace brings me some sleeping pills that she says will help me sleep. I promise her not to take them when I am going to drive or need to be awake because they will put me right out. She tells me I should take them about 30 minutes before I go to sleep and I should sleep sound for the night.
That night after dinner and to wind down Christian sits with me on the couch in the TV room. He reads the news paper and lay with my head in his lap as I watch TV. I nuzzle his crouch
with my cheek and I feel him begin to grow beneath me. It makes me smile. I hear him make a low groan in the back of his throat. I pick my head up and turn over and undo his pants and I slowly put him in my mouth. I hear him softly say my name and I feel his hand in my hair. Before I know I feel him release inside my mouth. I love what I can do to this man. I sit up and lick my lips while making eye contact with him. He looks so relaxed he just smiles at me and pulls me to him and kisses me hard and passionately.
At bed time he carries me into our room and undresses me and places one of his T shirts over my head. I love being wrapped in his smell al night. I love that he loves how I love to sleep in his shirts. He then hands me a glass of water and the pills from his mom. I take one and he turns out the lights and pulls me close to him.
" Ana, baby, I am so glad you are back here with me in my arms. I missed you so much. I couldn't sleep in this bed without you here. I was so afraid. I am here for you always."
" Christian I am glad to be back here in your arms. I missed you more than you will ever know. Please don't ever let me go. "
He kisses my hair and hugs me closer to him. That is the last thing I remember from the night. Grace was right I didn't even dream about anything. The next morning when I wake I see Christian coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He heads into the closest. I get up and go after him.
" Christian are we going somewhere today? "
" Ana I have a breakfast meeting that I must attend in person. I can't do it over the computer. Why don't you get dressed and come with me. I don't want you here alone today. I know you will feel better with me."
" Christian yes I want to go with you. Give me 15 minutes ok?"
He smiles at me as shakes his head. I think he likes it that I coming with him. I am so happy that he wants me to come. I need to be with him right now. I put my hair up and dress in some clothes that are business casual don't want to look to underdressed at the office. WhenI look for him in the room and closet he is not there. I check the breakfast bar and I see him sitting there pouring me some tea and he is having coffee. I go and sit down next to him.
" Ana you look beautiful. We will need to leave in about five miuntes. I am just going to get what I need out of the study and we will be off. "
At the office when we get off the elevator Andrea seems to surprises to see me with Christian.
" Mrs. Grey so nice to see you again. I am glad to hear you are alright."
" Thank you Andrea. Nice to see you too."
" Mr. Grey would you like the meeting set up in the large conference room or in your personal conference room in your office?"
" I think the conference room in my office would be great thank you."
I follow Christian into his office. He sits down at his desk and begins to go through the files for the meeting that will begin in about 30 minutes. I sit down on the couch and look out the window at the Seattle Skyline. It is very beautiful. Andrea comes in and is setting up the food and documents at each chair for the meeting. She looks over at me and smiles at me as she leaves the room.
Soon she buzzes Christian that the meeting guests are here she shows them into the office area. He comes over to me and sits down for a minute.
" I will be about an hour I think maybe more. You can sit here or come in with us if you would like. Come and get yourself something to eat."
" Christian I don't think I should come in to the conference room. I will fix a plate and then come back out here. I will be ok. Thank you for letting me come with you today. "
" Ana, you don't have to thank me. I want you to feel safe and I want to know you are safe so this is a win win for both of us. "
When I am grabbing a bagel Ross Christian's number two comes over and asks how I am. She smiles at me and then takes her seat. I smile at Christian and then I go sit at his desk and use his computer to do some researching for a new book to read. I look up every once and awhile and I see him in the meeting looking so much the in control CEO that he is. I realize I have never gotten to just watch him work. He looks so much in charge I can tell he is very passionate about his job. I know there is more to it than him not wanting to be poor again. He loves what he does.
Andrea is back in after the meeting has ended and she is cleaning up Ross and Christian are talking a little longer. Andrea sees Ross out. I over hear some of there conversation as they are leaving his office.
" Andrea, do you if she intends to accompany Chrsitian to work for awhile? I mean she should get back to her own work. I think that is the only way she will get over this. I mean he has a company to run. "
"I am not sure Miss. Bailey but I am sure it is only a temporary thing. Mrs. Grey has been through a very horrific ordeal. "
I turn to see if Christian had heard any of it and he is on his phone so I am guessing no. I decide not to mention it to him. Maybe the next time he goes into the office. I should try and stay home. Maybe Ross is right I mean he has work to attend to and not always me.
Christian and I walk to one of his favorite small cafes for lunch. I have a bowl of the soup and salad. He has a sandwich.
" I think after this we will go home and I can work in my study and you can do whatever you like because you will be at home and not in my boring office."
" Christian I don't mind being there whatever you need to do is fine with me. I just like that you are taking me with you. "
"Ana you are going to be by my side for as long as you want. I would love to have you with me everyday. I enjoy your company."
" I hope I am not distracting you or keeping you from getting things done."
" Of course you are not. I am actually better at focusing on work because I know where you are and that you are safe. "
Hearing him say that makes me smile because I know he wants nothing more than to have me near him and safe all the time. Before this had happened I might have found that annoying but now I love the fact that he wants me close and he is ok with me needing him. I don't have a time line and he is ok with that too.
Back at home I am going through honeymoon photos and wedding photos and putting them in albums while he is working in his office. I am out at the breakfast bar. I love looking through the photos remembering our wonderful wedding day and all that we did on our honeymoon.
I find myself getting tired instead going back to our room to sleep I go and lay down on the couch in his office. He looks up when I come in but says nothing he watches me lay down and then smiles at me and goes back to his work. As I drift to sleep I feel safe and secure knowing my loving husband is just feet away watching me and keeping me safe.
