A team of Raiders picked through an old house, looking for supplies. What they found so far was less than promising.

One kicked over a table in frustration, "Why can't we just rob a caravan or something? We never needed to do this before." he complained.

"The reason why is because of that Psychotic Mailman running around thinking he's some comic book Character." the apparent leader said as he checked some cabinets.

"Well maybe he left." the one from before said.

"Last time I trusted a maybe, I almost died." another one said as she looked through a mini fridge.

The one who was complaining stood upright, "Man you guy's are pussies. Why should we be scared of some fag in bright col-"

BANG

Suddenly the sound of a large bell echoed throughout the house. The standing raider fell over, his head completely crushed and looking like a bag filled with gory jelly.

The other two looked over in fear and saw a man wearing Standard Riot gear, but with red white and blue coloring all over the armor. An American flag painted on the back of his coat and a large white "A" on the forehead of his gas mask.

"You filthy commies, all trying to take what doesn't belong to you. Well I, CAPTAIN AMERICA, will not stand for this!"

"What the fu- '' one of the raiders began to say before he was socked against the jaw and flew backwards!

"COMMUNISM IS A CANCER FESTERING IN OUR GLORIOUS COUNTRY!" the madman continued to shout loudly, his very voice practically a megaphone, "AND I'M THE CHEMO!"

"Holy shit it's him!" one of the other raiders said, backpedaling quickly in fear.

"No no no! I refuse to die like a bitch!" her friend shrieked, shakily whipping out a dirty 9mm pistol and opening fire.

The bullets might as well have been fly bites, the weak rounds failing to penetrate through the body armor of the so-called "Captain America".

"PATHETIC!" the man shouted loudly, suddenly brandishing a thick metal shield. One that he used to smack the raider across the face, sending him crashing to the ground!

"YOUR FILTHY COMMIE ROUNDS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE GLORY OF AMERICAN PATRIOTISM!" he shouted, holding his shield up in both hands and slamming it down onto the raider's midsection and caving in his torso!

As the man began screaming, being beat to death with a shield, the other raiders decided to try and make a run for it, screaming loudly in terror.

As they ran Captain America threw his shield at the slowest one, the round hunk of metal cutting the raider in half at the waist.

"Jesus!" the one closest to the bisected raider said as blood and guts splashed on her.

"The only good communist! IS A DEAD ONE." the man in Red, White, and Blue then rushed forward. Moving faster than any normal human and socked the blood-covered raider, punching her head off in one blow.

"Holy shit! RUN!" the raider raised a double-barrel shotgun but the Star-Spangled Hero reacted first and slammed his shield into the raider. His blow crushed the raider's chest and killed him instantly.

The hero then tilted his head as he heard the remaining raiders run out of the back door.

He then jumped out of the window and rolled into a crouch as a rocket launcher formed in his hands, aiming it at the half dozen raiders running away.

"You can run! BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM TRUTH!" he fired and the rocket traveled and hit the group, the explosion killing them all instantly.

The hero then stood and puffed up his chest in triumph, "Another glorious victory for America!"

"How foolish of you, Ameritard!"

The hero tensed up before looking around, trying to find the dirty commie, "Show yourself ! You cowardly communist!"

Inane cackling could be heard, one that echoed in the now silent surroundings. Captain America stood resolute however, waiting for his enemy to show up.

A gurgling raider tried crawling away, cradling his bloodied chest. He was beginning to scurry away when a heavy boot stomped on his chest and caved it in entirely.

The man that revealed himself was a heavyset one, built like a prewar bear in thick winter clothing. Which was an oddity in the wasteland heat but it didn't seem to bother the communist.

He was dressed like an old WW2 styled Soviet and his ushanka hat and face enclosing gasmask covered up any noteworthy features. In his hand was a cruel jagged sickle and in the other was a tokarev pistol which he used to fire at Captain America.

Ping Ping Ping

The rounds ricochet off his shield and the American dodged to the left.

"Capitalist pig! You meet your end here, for the collective good of the people!"

"Silly commie! With collectivization, nobody will own anything!" the captain refuted as he shielded himself from more gunfire. He then pulled out an M1911 and fired back, hitting the Russians gun from his hand.

"NOW EAT SOME AMERICAN LEAD!" the Captain shot six more rounds, leaving massive holes in the Russian and almost killing the superhuman.

But the Bear-like man only growled with rage as he felt Communistic power surge within him, turning him red.

"Your puny bullets will not harm me!"

"Well, then that just means I have to beat the freedom into you ya Ruskie bastard!"

Captain American rushed forward and blocked an attack before kicking the communist in the side and then punching him in the liver with his off-hand.

He quickly jumped back when the communist reared back and swiped again with his massive and jagged sickle.

"A little slow my Communist Adversary, did my bullets of justice do more harm then you let on?" the Captain quipped as he blocked another slice.

He suddenly fished out a pair of brass knuckles and slipped them onto his hands, titled "Freedom" and "Liberty" respectively. He then slugged the commie across the face, cracking the man's gas mask and sending him sliding back.

The commie's sickle however came flashing up again and drew a thin red line across his forearm, causing the American to snarl as he too recoiled back. The two ancient enemies circled each other warily, searching for a weak point.

"Puny American," the communist guffawed, "I almost felt that."

"What? Tired already?" the American quipped back.

"Me? Tired? I was waiting for you, comrade." the communist responded, darting forward with a low guard. He swiped fast and hard, but the Captain was ready for it as he intercepted the strike and began to deliver a two one combo.

It might as well have been hitting concrete as the red bastard simply took it in stride and suddenly bear hugged him, picking him up and tackling him through a wall!

Bursting through, the two of them were sent sprawling to the ground with the commie on top of him, pounding at his face with his fists.

"Little man!"

"Ugly bastard!"

They exchanged numerous insults as the American blocked the Russian's blows and flipped the scripts on him, slamming his fist across the commie's face and knocking the bastard off him.

He then kicked the Russian in the face, cracking his gas mask completely before flipping himself up and began to wail on the dazed communist.

It hurt his hands, but it sure hurt the commie a lot more if his grunts of pain were anything to go by.

He was then picked up and flung into another wall, cracking it before he was tackled through it.

"This ends now Captain! You will die and Mother Russia will destroy what's left of your horrid land!"

Captain America then kneed the Russian in the crotch, causing the man to gasp in pain before the American socked him again in the neck. His brass knuckles and patriotic strength crushing the commie's throat in.

"Choke on that ya damn dirty commie." Captain America said before kicking the dying Russian off of him, letting the man slowly choke to death on his own blood.

Captain America puffed up his chest in victory. Another victory for America.

Just then a ghoul in a Vaquero Outfit and a blonde girl wearing a bunny hat and Advanced Riot gear rushed into the house. Guns drawn. Stopping when they saw the Captain posing on top of the dead communist.

"AH! If it isn't my good comrades Sargent Mexico and Bunny Girl!" Captain American exclaimed.

"My friend, my sweet darling friends! Today is a joyous day for I, CAPTAIN AMERICA, has defeated the dastardly villain-"


"and freed America from the horrors and tyranny of COMMUNISM! Long live the RED WHITE AND BLUE OF AMERICA!"

"R-Raul?" Veronica said worriedly, utterly at loss of what to do.

The ancient ghoul rubbed his face tiredly as their friend began to rant and rave about communism and democracy and how they were yin and yang and some more nonsense.

"Errr you get used to it. He's high off his ass again." Raul said, covering his face in light second-hand embarrassment.

"Gotta admit though, the boss was certainly effective. He cut through this band of raiders like they were nothing."

"I bet this punk thought he got lucky finding an old suit of power armor." the ghoul commented, "Up til he met Six with every known drug in his body that is."

"How is he alive?" Veronica deadpanned, looking at their friend not only ranting at the top of his lungs, but now posing atop the corpses of the raiders too.

"LAND OF THE FREE~ AND THE BEAUTIFUUUUUUL~"

"Oh God he's started singing."

"Please tell me this'll end soon."

"Don't worry," Raul said grimly, holding up a shovel, "I know just the thing."


"You seriously believed you were a comic book character?" Fionna asked as she giggled slightly.

Six scoffed, "Hey! With what I can do I practically was a comic hero... And I was drunk alright?"

"You sounded a bit more than just 'drunk' Six." She said with another giggle.

"Alright alright. I was as high as the moon and as crazed as a deathclaw on psycho." Six admitted causing Fionna to giggle more. Six scoffed, "You still owe me a few embarrassing stories yourself little miss buck teeth."

Fionna pouted before grinning slightly as everything began to turn into dust, "It'll be a story for next time Six… Or do you prefer Captain America?"

"Oh you little sh-" before he could finish his sentence the dream ended.


HAPPY 4TH OF JULY YOU SEXY MOTHERFUCKERS! GOD BLESS AMERICA! USA USA USA USA!

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