Ch 14, to those wondering yes echidna will be in the harem but she is one of the last ones so I'll try my best to make it there, as always I hope you enjoy!
The sun shines down on the exhausted Subaru, he had just left the Cabin where he and the gut hunter Elsa had sex. Subaru was ashamed of himself for doing something so low but for the sake of others it had to be done, passing the town and through the walkways Subaru finally found the path that lead straight to Crusch's manor, he wondered how he should explain what happened or if he needed to explain at all, it would be best if he could keep the whole thing a secret and just leave the incident behind him.
Finally arriving at the mansion and getting past the gates Subaru couldn't help but notice the weird looks he was getting from the maids and other attendants, he couldn't tell what was wrong, his clothes seemed fine and as far as he could tell he didn't smell too bad. Ignoring the onlookers Subaru made his way back to his room, the inside was just as he left it empty with one large bed, his energy was basically drained from his encounter with Elsa and his walk back didn't help either, all he wanted to do was take a nap and so he laid down and could feel his eyelids get heavy.
Subaru nearly instantly fell asleep when he hit the bed, he could feel all his stress and sleepiness slip away, the burden he has of watching everyone die really takes a lot out of him mentally, Subaru isn't what you would call sane but it's because he is so far past sane that he can continue to do what he does. Time was passing as he slept and the nightmares of seeing Crusch and Ram die kept playing in his sleep, it was worse than hell, he could never get used to such a thing but their sacrifices are what helped him get to a conclusion, a dirty one but it is still a solid conclusion at least he hoped. Still in his sleep Subaru didn't notice Ram entering his room, she looked down at his sleeping figure noticing his quivering state and silent groans, he clearly was having a nightmare and so she did the only thing she could and held his hand.
Like back at the mansion once Ram held Subaru's hand the nightmare he was having seemed to vanish and gave way to a clear sky, it was a very much needed relief that made him feel warm inside. Ram could visibly see Subaru calm down and begin to relax, her once strong hate had turned into a minor dislike but even still she didn't wish to see Subaru in pain after all she was supposed to be his friend. Not long after Ram showed up and freed Subaru from his nightmare that he began to regain his consciousness, he could feel a warmth in his hand and nearly immediately knew who it was.
[Subaru] "Emilia?"
[Ram] "Barusu really is an idiot, after Ram was so kind to hold your sweaty hand and you think it was Emilia-sama."
[Subaru] "Hehe, I knew it was you, thank you for this,"
[Ram] "...your welcome…"
[Subaru] "Ha you're finally coming around."
[Ram] "Shut up, now where did Barusu go! Ram looked for you and even asked Crusch-sama and said you were off to do something important and dangerous and now Barusu shows up looking like a whore!"
[Subaru] "Aw so you do care, wait what do you mean I look like a whore?"
[Ram] "You reek of a woman and sex, you also have hickeys on your neck….did Barusu sleep with Crusch?"
[Subaru] "No- look it's a lot to explain….but first…"
Ram's hand was still in his so Subaru pulled her in and wrapped her around in a hug, Ram was confused and stood motionless in his embrace, at first she planned to slap him and move away but then she felt it, she could feel the emotion in his hug, the way he held her and the way his heart beat she could tell that this was a hug of anguish and love.
[Ram] "Barusu….are you okay?"
[Subaru] "Never been better…."
[Ram] "Then why are you crying?"
[Subaru] "Heh, I'm an emotional person is all…."
[Ram] "I see...still doesn't explain why Barusu looks and smells like this."
[Subaru] "I'll take a shower in a second and the hickeys well…"
[Crusch] "Natsuki-kun, you're back!?"
In the doorway stood Crusch in her usual uniform, her face was plastered with excitement but she tried to hide it. Subaru also upon seeing her earned a giant smile which he wasn't shy to hide, Ram seeing this made her slightly conflicted and suspicious but when Crusch saw it, it made her heart jump for a second.
[Subaru] "See, I'm safe!"
[Crusch] "Yes you are, that is very much a relief although….what is that on your neck?"
[Subaru] "Oh um….it's nothing!"
[Ram] "It is a hickey."
[Crusch] "A hickey? I think I heard of that before...is that when….Natsuki Subaru what did you do out there!?"
[Subaru] "If you use my full name like that it feels like I'm being scolded by my mother!"
[Ram] "Barusu stop messing around and answer us."
[Subaru] "Alright fine I'm sorry….I went to go talk to the bowel hunter In order to prevent everyone I love from dying and in order to convince her not to I had to have sex with her….."
Subaru's head hung low, he didn't want to see the gazes of the two women in front of him, saying it out loud really put into perspective how messed up what he just did actually was. The room was silent, Ram was in a state of confliction, on one hand she didn't really care who Subaru slept with but on the other hand that would mean betraying he betrayed her sister again and not only that but he also betrayed her as well. Crusch on the other hand was also in conflict, her feelings for Subaru were no more than a crush so hearing that he was with another woman hurt her slightly, at the same time it was with a very dangerous woman so maybe he didn't have a choice.
[Ram] "When will Barusu be satisfied, First my sister then Emilia-sama and even Ram! You really are a lustful dog, what's next are you going to have sex with Crusch-sama too? My apologies Crusch-sama for using your name in such a scenario."
[Crusch] "...uh…..i-it's fine…..what do you mean he will not be satisfied?...Did Natsuki have sec with all those women including you?"
[Ram] "I'm sorry but I cannot say because that is an internal matter in the Roswaal manor and would be a scandal."
[Subaru] "...I'm sorry, to both of you….."
[Ram] "You should be, always useless and never good for anything-"
[Subaru] "Did you have a better solution where everyone lives!? You haven't seen the things I've seen, this was the only way there was where everyone got to be happy, the only person who doesn't get to be happy is me, nobody else should bear this pain but me,ugh I can't even talk about what I can do it and how I know things so I end up alone trying to figure everything out! I'm sorry for doing it but if you knew what I knew then you probably couldn't find another way!"
The room was again was beyond silent, Subaru looked up at the intimidated Ram with his eyes that seemed to have hit something within her, she looked down at him with a look of somewhere between pity and worry, Ram was at a loss for words, her usual quick comebacks and banter where nowhere to be found only silence. Crusch still in the doorway looked on with her usual stern face but except there was a clear hint of sadness and worry in it, her once powerful level headed facade cracked at her finding out about Subaru's harem and the pain he goes through.
[Crusch] "I thought…...you were able to talk to me….I apologize Natsuki Subaru and Ram-san I have a lot of work to do so if you would excuse me…."
It hurt Subaru to see and feel the distance that was just put between them, Subaru himself felt more strongly for Crusch after she defended and kissed him on the first loop but he is the only one to remember that. It didn't matter that he couldn't have a romantic relationship between them but it hurt to think that their friendship was forever tainted.
[Subaru] "Ram just go….."
[Ram] "Barusu, Ram apologizes for revealing the nature of your relationships to Crusch-"
[Subaru] "No I'm not angry at you or anything about that, it's a part of my life that she would have to know in the future….I just want to be alone right now, I'm sorry for getting upset earlier but please now just go….."
[Ram] "As you wish."
Subaru felt like shit, he was driving away the only people he cared about but at the same time it would be selfish of him to try and ask them to stay. "They should be thanking me…..no this was how I got into that fight with Emilia….I gotta give them time and then try and salvage anything I can!" Subaru's pride leaked out for a second but soon he reasoned with himself, all they need is time and then he can go and try to fix this, although he was a bit confused on why Crusch was taking this so personally….he did say he could talk to her and he could but even then she shouldn't be so upset by this news, when Ram told her she looked sad? He feels stupid now, she clearly had some feelings for him and he ignored them, he will find a way to fix this and make everyone happy once again!
A few hours had passed since Subaru came back and had his rant, nothing of not happened in that time except that Subaru had taken a shower, as time passed Subaru spent it in his room taking a nap or contemplating his next move, he didn't want to be unfair and expect everything to work itself out but at the same time he didn't know where to start. Night was approaching and Subaru still hasn't gotten anywhere, he already apologized to Ram but it still felt like there was something off there…..
[Subaru] "Hey Ram can I come in?"
Outside Ram's door which was right next to his room Subaru waited for a response but when he knocked he could hear Ram scuffling on the inside meaning she was in there.
[Ram] "...Uh, Why should Ram let you in?"
[Subaru] "I always let you in."
[Ram] "Hmph, fine."
The door opens and Subaru is dragged in by Ram making him fall to the floor, regaining his senses Subaru looks up at Ram who was naked with clear fluids running down her leg.
[Subaru] "Oi, why are you naked I didn't come for that!"
[Ram] "Ram was already busy doing this when Barusu showed up so why should Ram have to cover up since you already seen it."
[Subaru] "That's not a sound response, it's called common decency, you are too horny sometimes."
[Ram] "Ha, like Barusu is one to talk!"
[Subaru] "That was different and I already apologized, can you put something on I don't know where to look…."
[Ram] "No, Ram plans to continue after you leave so make it quick."
[Subaru] "Alright nympho, I know I already apologized but I still feel that you are mad at me."
[Ram] "Ram isn't mad, at first I was but after your speech Ram could feel the emotion you conveyed and so Ram doesn't care anymore, if it's what Barusu had to do than so be it."
[Subaru] "Wow you are actually a lot more understanding than I thought."
[Ram] "When was Ram ever not understanding?"
[Subaru] "Hehe, nothing you wouldn't remember...wow I shouldn't be laughing about that…."
[Ram] "If that is all can you leave so Ram could finish, or would you like to stay and watch? Or if you truly are sorry then Barusu could-"
[Subaru] "No, you already know the answer."
[Ram] "Fine then go already."
Subaru got himself off the floor and left the room feeling lighter as one of his problems or so he thought was already gone, now he needed to do something about Crusch, he didn't know how much she liked him, in fact he didn't know that she even liked him not until the first loop so he didn't know how to approach this, back at the white whale she said she didn't see him as a woman sees a man and she isn't the type to lie, so that means she just recently started to like him….it hit Subaru that he hinted that he liked her too this morning so that must have made it a lot worse to hear about him. No matter how he looks at it he still feels like a jackass, the only thing to do is try and talk to her.
Walking through the hall to Crusch's study Subaru noticed a deceiving looking cat person outside her door, once Felix took notice of Subaru he gained a somewhat fierce look as if saying what did you do.
[Subaru] "Uh hey…."
[Felix] "Crusch-sama said she doesn't want to be bothered by anyone right now, what did you do to her?"
[Subaru] "Why are you assuming I did something to her?"
[Felix] "Because Crusch-sama said she was going to see you and came back looking upset!"
[Subaru] "...well the truth is….."
How does he explain to Felix why she is upset? Felix clearly feels very strongly for Crusch so if he told her that she got upset cause he slept with a lot of woman and she wasn't one that would only make him angrier, think, he has to try and find a safe way to say it…...there is no safe way.
[Subaru] "I-I can't tell you…."
[Felix] "Huh?! Subaru-kyun I have been very nice to yyun and I thought we were friends but after seeing what you've done to my master Ferris will have to take action!"
[Subaru] "Woah wait, just let me talk to her and I'll try and figure this out."
[Felix] "No especially not now!"
[Subaru] "Please if I could just-"
Subaru was reaching for the handle of the door and in response Felix kicked Subaru in his chest sending him flying down the hall, blood was coughed up and Subaru laid there in pain as he held his chest, his screams were silence with heaps of blood coming pouring out of his throat. Felix slowly walked to Subaru looking down at him with slight remorse.
[Felix] "Hold still, I'm sorry for kicking you that hard I thought you were stronger, but please just go back to your room and leave Crusch-sama alone for now, and let me heal you...what are these things on your neck? Whatever, I healed them anyway."
[Subaru] "*panting* thank you I guess? It's hard to feel thankful when you were the one who nearly killed me just now!"
[Felix] "Hehe, oh relax, one of your ribs punctured your lungs."
[Subaru] "That's a big deal!"
[Felix] "You would be surprised what people can get done with an injury like that!"
[Subaru] "This side of you is really unnerving…"
[Felix] "Well now you seem better, once again I ask you to leave Crusch-sama alone."
[Subaru] "Yep I guess I have no choice here….I'll go then."
Subaru looking down at the small puddle of blood and sighing in defeat starts to walk down the hall once again, Felix watches him go on until he can't see him no more, turning around to head back to his post his notices a head peeking out from the door. Crusch opening the door completely looked at Felix with an angry and disappointed look.
[Crusch] "Felix what was that?!"
[Felix] "I'm sorry but he tried to get in!"
[Crusch] "I told you to keep him out, not try and kill him!"
[Felix] "I'm sorry but if you hate him that bad then just ask them to leave."
[Crusch] "I don't hate him….I don't know what I feel, the whole thing is complicated and is interfering with my work…."
[Felix] "Then what would you like to do?"
[Crusch] "Hmm, I suppose if I don't confront this and come to a conclusion then nothing will change….Please go call him back."
[Felix] "Aw, it's awkward to be nice to someone after you broke their chest…"
Felix reluctantly went off to find Subaru, Felix's feelings towards Crusch were one of pure devotion and love so to see Subaru and Crusch get along a little too well made his own heart hurt. Down the hall and around the corner Felix went the same as Subaru, Crusch waited for a second looking down the hall, she didn't think of what she would say to Subaru, her feelings were a mess and she couldn't think straight. Just this morning she had no more than a crush on him but when he told her about the bowel hunter and that he needed to do this alone, she felt her heart sting a little, was it from him possibly dying or from her new fond affection towards him? It was both, slowly as she came to terms with what Subaru was talking about her feelings deepened slightly and when Subaru hinted at himself also liking her, it made her heart skip a beat in anticipation and joy….to find out that he was sleeping with nearly all the woman in the Emilia camp made her feel awful as if her trust was betrayed, the aching feeling of loss of something she never had, it would not stop even after she tried to convince herself that she didn't like him that much….
While Crusch stood there at her door clutching her chest in an attempt to calm down her rapidly beating heart, she didn't mentally prepare for this right away, even though she sounded as if she thought it through and it was far from the truth. Crusch just wanted to come to a conclusion with Subaru but it wasn't that simple….if she saw him now there was no clue how she would feel, angry? Sad? Happy? No idea until he shows up. As if her thoughts were answered Subaru came running from the opposite end of the hall that he originally left, by the looks of it he seemed out of breath and slightly sweaty, it had not even been 30 seconds since Felix left so that means he must have ran around the entire mansion to get here….
[Subaru] "Hey, *pant* can we talk?"
Inside the office the two sat, Crusch behind her desk looking as serious as ever while Subaru sat in front of her, the whole thing gave him deja vu but that won't deter him, right now he has to try and come up with some solution, he cares about Crusch enough to not want to see her upset or conflicted, if there was anything he could do to make her feel better he would try.
[Subaru] "So uh…..how are you doing?"
[Crusch] "Why are you here Natsuki Subaru?"
Crusch's face was one of stone not showing any emotion in any kind of way, this was the reason she had the scary serious reputation of hers but Subaru won't let that hurt his resolve, even if she stops using his name entirely he won't give up until she either gives up on him entirely or gives in and reconciles...he hoped it was the latter.
[Subaru] "So distant….well I guess I just have to confront it...Crusch im sorry…"
[Crusch] "Sorry for what?"
[Subaru] "Well for starters I'm sorry for betraying your trust and making you think I can't talk to you, to be honest talking to you this morning helped me relieve so much stress you wouldn't even believe and it's all thanks to you."
Crusch was at a lost for words but her face didn't move in the slightest but there was something different, her cheeks were slightly red, he could see it, her facade cracking if he could say more things that would flatter her then he should be able to break through! Crusch's feelings were in a even bigger mess than they were before, some parts are telling her forgive him while others are saying no, this problem wouldn't go away even if she just threw him out at least not right away.
[Crusch] "I accept your gratitude."
[Subaru] "Okay…...does that mean we are cool now?"
[Crusch] "I don't recognize that phrase but if you are asking if we are reconciled then I would have to say somewhat."
[Subaru] "I see….why are you so upset in the first place? I know what I did was unorthodox but it worked and everyone is alive, earlier this morning you seemed okay with it?"
[Crusch] "Ugh because I liked you, or like you, ugh it's hard to say but when I heard that you had sex with nearly everyone even the gut hunter it made my heart hurt so bad!"
There it was, her calm and collected face was gone and it gave way to a girly, anxious Crusch who was in conflict with her thoughts. Subaru didn't expect this reaction even though he knew she liked him to some degree, right now he felt really bad about playing with her feelings like this. Crusch had stood up and made her way around to where Subaru was sitting but since she came so suddenly Subaru stood up in reflex.
[Subaru] "Oh…...Well I didn't have sex with Emilia….I mean I know that doesn't mean much but at least it's not everyone, Im sorry….I didn't know you felt that way, and I would be lying if I didn't say I felt something like that towards you…"
[Crusch] "Huh? Really?...I…..I'm not very experienced in romantic relationships so I don't know exactly what to do right now….."
[Subaru] "How about you tell me what you are feeling right now?"
[Crusch] "Well…. I don't even know myself! I thought after I heard what kind of man you were sleeping with all these women then my feelings would just die off but….the more I thought about it the more I….wanted….you….more….."
[Subaru] "Heh, you are so cute."
[Crusch] "Eh!? You can't say stuff like that, it's wrong to want to be with a man who has so many girlfriends!"
[Subaru] "Yeah probably, and it's wrong for a man with so many girlfriends to want more right?"
[Crusch] "I suppose so….where is this leading Natsuki-kun?"
[Subaru] "Hmm I don't know myself, Although I can confidently say I do like you a lot!"
[Crusch] "...Me…..too….But this wrong right? It's a scandal in the making! I'm also not as experienced as the others and my knowledge in romance is lacking…."
[Subaru] "Ha, Emilia didn't even know what sex was and she thought that kissing makes a baby so I think you have her beat there, I love Emilia like crazy but even still over these past few days I think I learned to love you too….i know love is a big step but it's what I feel…."
[Crusch] "...You love me?...I-I…..you've only been here for about a day how could you-"
[Subaru] "Ah, I'm sorry you're right this is too sudden and a bit much so, I really shouldn't try and push myself on you like that, it was really selfish of me, if you want to kick me out that's fine too I deserve it-"
[Crusch] "No!...I mean….no it's fine, it's just I never had anyone tell me that before….it's all overwhelming but I like it….."
[Subaru] "Oh good….So where does that leave us?"
Crusch's feelings were finally lining up, her once stone cold face was now a shade of red with a slight smile, her heart was beating uncontrollably and her hands felt so cold. Subaru looked at her clearly nervous face, she was shaking slightly, it made him feel somewhat good that he could make a woman like her feel this way but it also came with that shame of falling in love with another person even though he already has other women. Crusch as if she finally came to a conclusion stopped shaking and looked Subaru in the eyes, the mood was right and her body told her to do this, although this may be a big mistake she didn't care because right now it's what she wanted, tilting her head up Crusch and getting on her toes, Crusch placed her lips against Subaru, it was a short but tender kiss that let both of them connect their hearts, Subaru didn't stop her nor did he want to, right now he felt at peace.
[Crusch] "I guess that leaves us here…."
And done, Sorry if I'm spending to much time on the build up and connections between Subaru and Crusch but if I just jumped straight to the action then it wouldn't have the plot that I enjoy having in these stories, as always I hoped you enjoyed, leave a review if you want and wait for next chapter!
