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Chapter Five

Into the Wild

Despite her previous exhaustion, Alison slept fitfully that night.

Whenever she did manage to doze off, her dreams were filled with dragon-fire and bloody battles. She would wake each time, shivering and sweating, reassuring herself they were just dreams before sleep would take her under once more and the dreams played out again and again. By the time dawn began creeping into her room, she guessed she had totaled maybe three or four hours of rest, but saw no more use in trying to sleep, and so forced herself out of bed.

She tidied Bilbo's guest bedroom before heading into the washroom, desperately wishing she had toothpaste or even a hairbrush. She washed her face with the water and soap, using some of the excess water on her hands to smooth down the flyaway hairs that had cropped up from her tossing and turning all night. She'd only been in Middle-earth for a day, but already her thick brown hair resembled a bird's nest. She pulled it back into a ponytail and secured it with the elastic on her wrist, disgruntled that it did nothing but highlight the dark circles under her pale green eyes and the pinched, worried expression on her face.

Figuring that was as good as she was going to get, she turned back to the bedroom and grabbed her backpack and unzipped it, allowing the contents to spill out onto the newly made bed. She sifted through her belongings and began making two separate piles, one for things she could take with her, and one for the stuff she would have to leave behind.

In the keep pile, there were the pants Gandalf had bought her; a travel-sized stick of deodorant she had found in one of the backpack's many pockets; a half-used tube of cherry lip balm; a couple of stray tampons she always carried just in case (she still had a few weeks until her period and lack of adequate menstrual products would become a problem, but she knew she would have to swallow her pride at some point and ask Gandalf to point her in the right direction on that one); her water bottle; and (more from habit and nostalgia than anything) her wallet, keys, earbuds, and dead phone. She didn't know what use she would have for them here, but it comforted her to keep them on her person all the same.

The stay pile consisted of her shorts, Converse, and the dredges of her backpack, including dead pens, her calculator, a math textbook, empty food and gum wrappers, and crumpled pieces of paper that consisted of homework she had forgotten about and never turned in. She located a wastebasket in the washroom and swept everything into it, not sorry at all for saying goodbye to her homework and textbook. Given her current situation, precalculus could kiss her ass.

The light had grown stronger since she'd gotten up, and she knew there was no more delaying the inevitable once she began to hear muffled voices and movements throughout the hobbit-hole. Sighing, she shouldered her backpack and opened the door, only to nearly be knocked to her feet again by Fíli, who had been standing on the opposite side.

"Careful, Miss Alison," he said teasingly, steadying her from where she had bounced off his chest. "You know, you mustn't go around smashing into everyone that you meet."

"I can't help it," she said. "I enjoy being knocked on my ass from time to time. It reminds me to stay humble."

He laughed at this, and she couldn't help smiling as well despite the balloon of anxiety swelling in her gut. Now that she was face-to-face with Fíli, her hopes of yesterday all having been a nightmare or hallucination were quashed utterly, and the realization that she was about to embark on a fictional quest with fictional characters was setting in with full force.

"C'mon," he said. "Thorin wants everyone to eat before we set out, and I think Gandalf is pestering him to linger since Bilbo hasn't signed his contract yet."

Alison frowned at that, though she didn't dwell on it too much; Bilbo would join the quest—that she was certain of, at least. They entered the dining room to find the dwarves enjoying a hearty breakfast of ham, sausages, eggs, and bacon, and she guessed that the food was from their own stores, as Bilbo's pantry had been brutalized enough the night before.

Fíli gestured for her to take the seat beside his brother, but she shook her head, setting about making herself a cup of coffee instead. From his brooding brow and dark eyes, Kíli's bad attitude had yet to dissipate, she saw, and she would rather not have to deal with his stony silence and icy demeanor so early in the morning. Instead, she took the seat on Fíli's other side, between him and the one named Ori, who was still half-asleep from the look of him.

She sipped at her coffee lightly, forgoing any food. Her stomach had begun to tie itself in knots upon her awakening, and she knew the nerves were settling in. It would be smart to eat at least a little something before they left Hobbiton, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Even the sight of food made her queasy, and it wasn't until she set down her mug with a metallic clang that she realized she was trembling.

Quickly, she retracted her hands under the table, but unfortunately, Fíli had seen her blunder. He leaned over to her, gray-blue eyes alight with concern, and she grit her teeth when she noticed Kíli listening in under the pretense of cutting up his ham.

"Is everything all right, Miss Alison?" he asked. "You look pale."

She nodded tightly, not trusting herself to speak as the knots tightened in her belly. Kíli scoffed lightly from his brother's other side, but Fíli either didn't hear him or ignored him.

"Um, I need some air," she said, scooting back her chair and standing, aware that the other dwarves were now watching her. "Alone," she added when Fíli made to stand as well. She couldn't help feeling guilty as he nodded, sitting back with a small frown.

Before anyone else could speak to her, she rushed out the front door of Bilbo's home, collapsing onto the bench just outside as her chest began to heave with tearless sobs.

She couldn't do this. There was no way she could. She was an eighteen-year-old high school student who just wanted to go home, not some ancient warrior destined to save the lives of three dwarves and go on a dangerous quest. And now that she was alone, she could admit that she was afraid. Afraid of the certain dangers they would face; afraid of failing everyone because she was not who they thought she was; afraid of losing her own life in this strange land, never to return to her home and her family and friends and stupid small town ever again. She was alone here, and she was afraid.

"Daunting, isn't it?" Gandalf's voice said from behind her. She flinched at the sound; she hadn't even realized he had followed her outside until he sat on the bench beside her, pipe in hand and smoke curling from his beard. "Being faced with the great wide world ahead of you," he continued, eyes on the distant lightening horizon beyond the hills. "The expanse of the unknown and uncharted, and in that unknown, fear."

"This task is impossible," she said. "Whatever Oath the Valar have bound me to…I won't be able to fulfill it. Not in the way they want. I can't fight, I can't survive in the Wild—I'll be dead before this quest is finished."

"Well," said Gandalf, chewing on his pipe thoughtfully, "that is up to you entirely, my dear. Tell me; do you want to survive?"

She looked at him, incredulous. "Of course, I want to survive. What kind of question is that?"

"One that has an obvious answer." He raised his bushy eyebrows at her, a stream of smoke curling from his mouth and turning his eyes an opaque blue that was no less piercing than before. "If you want to survive this quest, Miss Ashburne, then you must thrive. The will to fight—the will to live—is inside of you, and you must use it on this journey. Succumbing to your fear will certainly lead to your death—but embracing your fear and using it to keep fighting will ensure your survival."

Alison mulled over his words, prodding and pushing them around like candy on her tongue. The wizard was right; if she wanted to live, then she had to fight for her life. Allowing herself to fall victim to the dark thoughts and anxieties over the quest would do nothing but hinder her. It was time for her to learn, to adapt, and to overcome the task set out before her.

"Come inside," he said once he was done smoking, and they had sat in silence for several minutes. "Eat a little food, sip some water. Enjoy the peace of the Shire for a while more, for the Road will not be as kind to us as these lovely hills."

She nodded, getting to her feet, relieved when she noticed that she was no longer shaking.

"And Bilbo?" she asked. "Have you given him this kind of pep talk yet?"

Gandalf frowned, stowing away his pipe as he made to follow her.

"I fear I have done as much as I can for dear Bilbo," he said. "It is entirely up to him now."

Then all he needs is a little nudge out the door, she thought.


Alison knocked on the hobbit's bedroom door smartly, calling, "Bilbo? Bilbo, wake up. I need to speak to you."

She waited only a few moments before the door opened a crack and one of Bilbo's tired brown eyes peered out at her.

"Miss Ashburne," he said wearily. "It's real, then. I had hoped I'd dreamed you all invading my home last night."

"Are you presentable?" she said, disregarding his earlier statements. When he nodded, confused, she pushed through the door and entered his bedroom, ignoring his splutters and protests behind her.

The room was spacious and handsome, filled with the strengthening light from the sun and scattered with books, journals, and maps. His bedcovers were rumpled as if he had fallen asleep on top of them, and when she turned to face him, she could see that he was still dressed in the simple linen shirt and pants he had been wearing the night before.

"Not packed, I see," she said, indicating the untouched room. Bilbo frowned at her, shaking his head.

"I'm not going," he said stubbornly. "I am a Baggins of Bag End, and I have no need for adventures or dragons or treasures."

"No need for adventures, huh?" she said, grabbing a minutely detailed map from his desk and giving it a wave. "You told me yourself last night, Bilbo: You've read tons of books trying to learn about your own world, discovering things about it that you'll never know for certain unless you get out there and see them for yourself. And I know you want to know what's out there."

"Gandalf said he could not guarantee my survival on this quest," he said, crossing his arms and looking out one of the round windows of the room. "That if I left, I would not return as the same person."

"Any one of us could die on this quest," she said, gazing at him imploringly. "Hell, I could stroll out your front door today and die because I tripped and cracked my head open on a rock." His lips twitched at this, and she pressed her luck. "No one knows when their life is going to end, Bilbo. And that's why you need to make the most of it and live."

He didn't answer her, only continuing to stare out the window with an inscrutable expression. She set down the map and squeezed his shoulder before departing the room, making her way back to the dining room and managing to snag a last bit of bacon.

Most of the dwarves had dispersed to pack their things and tidy Bilbo's home, leaving her to munch on her bacon, lost in thought. She desperately hoped Bilbo would come around. He had to if the quest were to succeed.

So intent on her bacon and brooding, she only looked up when one of the dwarves reentered the dining room, and she stopped chewing when she recognized Kíli. He bestowed her with a cold glance before retrieving a pack he had left under the table, but before he could stalk out, she swallowed her bite and said, "Have I done something to offend you?"

It was a bold move on her part, but she really didn't want to start this quest off on a bad foot with anyone now that she knew she would be going with them. Kíli stopped in the doorway; she thought he was going to leave regardless before he turned back to her with a neutral expression.

"What do you mean?" he asked, almost too innocently.

"Ever since you met me you've looked at me like dog shit on your shoe," she said. If he was surprised by her language, he didn't show it, his face remaining infuriatingly impassive. "If there's a problem that needs resolving before we start our journey, I'd rather do it now than later."

"I don't know what you mean." His eyes raked her up and down. "Perhaps I'm just not as willing to trust strangers as my brother seems to be."

"You're a stranger to me, too," she pointed out, even if it was only a half-truth. This real-life Kíli was as foreign to her as an elf; he was nothing like his book counterpart.

Kíli gazed at her for a long moment, sizing her up before speaking again.

"Very well. If it's honesty you require, then I'll tell you the truth, for everyone's thinking it already: You do not belong on this quest. You are not a dwarf, and you even admitted yourself that you are nothing like your ancestors. The others believe that the Valar have foreseen our quest as a failure if they sent an ancient warrior to intervene, and I happen to agree. Your presence does not bring us good fortune or surety, and I do not think it best for you to come along, despite what my uncle says."

Alison sat, absorbing his words. She shouldn't be surprised, really; the dwarves had made their stance clear on her joining them the night before—all except Fíli, who had at least encouraged her to not run out the door screaming the first chance she got. However, hearing the doubts spoken aloud, directly to her, was not uplifting in the slightest, but at least he'd had the guts to tell her to her face.

"Yeah, I figured," she said, dropping her bacon and rubbing her face tiredly. "Thanks." She looked back up to him and gave him a sarcastic salute. "I appreciate the honesty."

He only nodded stiffly before leaving her alone, unable to help thinking that he was right.


They were just about to depart Bilbo's hobbit-hole when someone cleared their throat behind them. Alison and the Company turned to see Bilbo himself standing uncertainly in the hallway where they had been congregated, dressed and packed.

"Er, here," said Bilbo, holding up the contract. "I signed it. I'm, ah, going. On the quest. If that's all right?"

Alison couldn't keep the smile off her face as Balin inspected the contract before nodding approvingly to Thorin. Gandalf sidled over to where she was standing in the corner and eyed her knowingly.

"It seems Bilbo was given a little nudge out the door, after all," he said. "I'm curious, Miss Ashburne; what did you say to him?"

She shrugged, watching as Bofur shook Bilbo's hand enthusiastically, the hobbit blushing slightly as he shouldered his pack and walking stick.

"Something I should've been telling myself this whole time," she said, leaving it at that, and Gandalf hummed.

"Indeed, Miss Ashburne," he said, watching Bilbo fondly. "Indeed."


The Company, with Gandalf, Alison, and Bilbo, departed from Bag End just as the sun cleared the horizon. Alison stayed near the back of their column with Bilbo, providing the hobbit with some companionship after she had seen him hesitate on the doorstep, his hand still on the golden knob of his green door.

"You'll be back one day," she'd assured him, hanging behind while Gandalf and Thorin had taken the lead, the other dwarves following.

"I hope so," he'd said.

The other inhabitants of Hobbiton were already beginning to stir as they made their way to The Green Dragon, putting out their laundry on clotheslines, feeding their farm animals, and opening shops and stalls in the square, whispering and gossiping amongst themselves as the strange Company passed. Bilbo kept his head down and his eyes forward until they had reached the inn and its stables, as most of the whisperers had been speculating about where the respectable and unadventurous Bilbo Baggins was off to, but he let out a tight breath as they passed out of their sight.

"I wonder what they'll think if I don't come back," he said as he and Alison waited for the dwarves to retrieve their ponies. "Lobelia wouldn't mind, of course—in fact, I think this is what she's wanted all along, for me to disappear and never return, leaving her to pounce on my estate…"

He trailed off into incoherent grumbling, and Alison listened, amused by the hobbit's dark mutterings of unhinged relatives and other unflattering terms. "Who's Lobelia?"

"Oh, dreadful woman," said Bilbo. "A cousin of mine—I've never been able to stand her…"

It seemed that speaking ill of his cousin had made Bilbo forget about the other hobbits, and Alison listened to his ramblings until Gandalf approached them, interrupting Bilbo's passionate tirade about the time Lobelia had tried to make off with his mother's favorite silverware hidden up her skirts.

"Bilbo, my dear fellow, I'm glad you changed your mind," he said, leading a great brown horse out of the stables and patting its neck. "There's extra ponies for both you and Miss Ashburne, though I'm afraid you'll have to share with some of our supplies."

"Fine by me," said Alison, shrugging, but Bilbo had begun to protest at the mention of ponies.

"Oh, no," he said, shaking his head. "I'm rather keen on walking, you know—I've done a fair share of walking holidays, and I'm sure I'll keep up just fine—"

In the end, however, the hobbit's arguments were futile, and they departed from the stables sometime later, each member of their Company astride a shaggy-haired pony. Bilbo looked at the reins he held as if they might try and bite him, but Alison felt more comfortable on her pony than he. Growing up in a desolate part of West Texas, she'd ridden horses before, and she'd always liked riding, even if she was used to bigger horses like Gandalf's.

The Company made their way out of the village by mid-morning, but before they crossed the borders of Hobbiton, Alison turned in her saddle and looked back one last time, wondering if she would ever see this place again. Bilbo must've been thinking the same thing, for he watched the hill where his home was until it disappeared around a bend in the road.

Now there was nothing ahead of them but empty green hills and far-reaching plains, the whole world stretching before them, beckoning them out of the known and into the Wild.

Their adventure had begun.


And the quest begins! Let me know what you thought!

Until next time!