I haven't written in a while so give me a break, and enjoy the chapter, to all the new people, Sup.
[Subaru] "...uh-"
[Crusch] "Please...just let me speak for a moment."
As one problem is fixed, another will arise in its place.
[Crusch] "I don't know if seeing me brings you pain…"
Subaru's heart raced with every passing second, although it might not be for the best reasons.
[Crusch] "But…"
He had just collected himself but he could feel this 'Uneasy' feeling. It was sickening.
[Crusch] "I like to believe that you do...It's because of that pain in your heart that I am here."
[Subaru] "Wha-"
[Crusch] "Please...just listen."
Crusch quickly put her finger over his lips.
[Crusch] "My heart has been in constant pain since that day, I know it hasn't been long but every time I think of you...it has not been easy, you put me under a very strong spell and I can not help but still feel a form of contempt because of it."
Her eyes grew sad as she spoke. Subaru could tell how much he put her through and this only added to his pain.
[Crusch] "Even though you put me through all that, I can't stop thinking about you. I'm not very experienced or knowledgeable in love but I believe this pain is proof that I loved you…"
Crusch looked deeply into the eyes of the youth in hope of finding a reciprocating glint. Instead, his eyes looked...scared.
Scared wasn't the most appropriate word but it did capture the expression he showed.
[Crusch] "While I cannot speak for you, I know that you were hurt by the event and even now I can tell you do not feel well…"
Slowly she removed her finger from his lip and moved her body closer to his. With each step she took toward him, he took a step back until his back hit a wall.
[Crusch] "That is why I said I like to believe that you feel that pain in your heart; because Then it means you love me…"
Speechless, Subaru stared down at Crusch as she smiled warmly at him. Her eyes shined with hope and small tears, the more she looked at him the happier she got, this is what she wanted, to be with him…
Her final words were slow but powerful, She disregarded all logic and chose to be with Subaru.
If you had asked him a few hours ago if this is what he wanted then the answer would be yes… but now?
[Crusch] "I know I was the one to put an end to our relationship but I see now that it was a mistake. A life where I give up the love of my life is not a life I would enjoy. If you love me still then I know that I can be by your side, even if you have many more lovers, as long as you love me I can still be happy!"
Her words came flooding out one after another. The pure adrenaline caused her to grab Subaru's arm tightly. Crusch could feel herself become entangled in her own emotions. For so long she had been wanting to say these things but forced herself to stay quiet.
[Subaru] "...I…"
She was ready to give him her all. She would abandon all reason and sense purely to follow her heart.
If this was truly what she wanted, then how could he say no?
[Subaru] "Crusch I…."
The difference between wants and needs is obvious but the more emotional a person becomes, the more the line begins to blur. Right now Subaru could accept her feelings and be elated that he finally has Crusch by his side again…
Her beautiful face grew closer to his; the anticipation in her eyes filled Subaru with hope and happiness but there was a stronger emotion of grief and sickness that followed them. He couldn't shake it, it grew stronger and stronger until-
[Subaru] "Blelgmh!"
The sickening feeling that had plagued Subaru finally reached its limit. As fast as he could, Subaru covered his mouth and ran into the bathroom behind him. He tried his hardest to keep the contents of his stomach inside him but they rushed out through his body and into the sink.
The taste of acid filled Subaru's mouth to the point where he would continue to vomit on the taste alone. His face felt as if it would melt off and the constant pressure was devastating.
Crusch watched as Subaru emptied his stomach, she didn't understand what was going on. One side of her wanted to feel bad and show concern but the other felt hurt and confused.
She wasn't sure why he reacted that way, quickly she examined herself but found nothing that would create that kind of scene.
Putting her upset concerns behind her, she rushed into the bathroom to try and comfort the youth.
The pain of bile climbing up his throat started to cease. His eyes were too full of water for him to see clearly, he had gone through so much pain in the past but vomiting is still one of the worst.
As Subaru took deep breaths he could feel a gentle hand rub his back in a caring manner. Despite the comfort, he couldn't turn to face her.
[Crusch] "Are you okay?!"
Her tone was full of concern yet her hand remained gentle and calm…it was so warm, the warmth alone made Subaru relax slightly.
For a while he stood there over the sink, the youth's face was a strong red color due to the constant pressure, tear stains ran down his cheeks, He looked like a complete mess.
Even so, Crusch remained by his side. Her caring and soothing aura calmed his soul and his illness…or it should have. Even now he couldn't look at her, though he didn't fully understand why he had this reaction.
Was it her confession? Was he repulsed by her that badly?
'That can't be it'
While it was not those things directly, Crusch being in front of him shattered whatever walls he built up to this situation. She broke his heart and he had been spending the past few days repairing it.
He wasn't without blame as he had done the same to her. The difference was that Subaru had moved on, or so he hoped. These recent days were some of the most stressful and confusing times of his life, everything from the deaths, to the women, none of it made sense and yet he tried his best to live with it, to adapt to it…
It's all easier said than done…If he slept with these women his problems would disappear, that was the formula yet when one problem is fixed another will arise in its place. It was a never-ending cycle.
However, compared to the other never-ending cycles of death, betrayal, pain, and torture…this should be a blessing? Who wouldn't want a life filled with beautiful women who love you?
Why did he need to convince himself that this wasn't bad?
[Crusch] "Just breath, it's okay, I am here with you"
[Subaru] "..."
Subaru stayed silent, his heavy breathing was already starting to calm down and his stomach didn't seem to hurt as much. That being said he still did not feel 100%.
Crusch couldn't help but feel an uneasiness about Subaru's lack of communication, after all; he was the type to apologize over anything.
In the black-haired boy's mind, he chalked up this sudden reaction to his anxiety, which wasn't entirely false.
[Subaru] "...I-I'm sorry.."
Still unwilling to look at Crusch, Subaru muttered out a "sorry" which relieved some of her anxiety.
[Crusch] "You do not have to apologize, I didn't know you were so ill, we should bring you to Felix right away."
As much as she wanted an answer from the youth, she wanted the youth to be well overall…Deep down she felt that it would be alright, he would accept her feelings without hesitation…right?
Not wanting to dwell on that thought, Crusch grabbed Subaru's arm in an attempt to move him. She expected him to walk with her however she was met with resistance.
[Subaru] "I'm fine…Just give me a second…"
[Crusch] "oh…I see, well then I will stay and wait…we need to talk but your health comes first."
Releasing Subaru's arm, Crusch stood there staring at the youth's back. She wanted to hear an answer more than anything, but of course, his answer was already set in stone the day he said he loved her…Then why couldn't she shake this uneasy feeling inside her?
Standing over the sink, Subaru could only stare at the mess he became in the mirror. This was what he wanted right? To be with Crusch again, to hear her say she loves him, for her to come back into his arms…So why couldn't he want to look at her?
What he wanted…
[Subaru] "...no it's fine…you should go for now…"
[Crusch] "huh…"
It felt as if her heart dropped to her stomach.
[Subaru] "...I-"
[Crusch] "you must be feeling worse than I initially thought, you must lay down, please come with me-"
[Subaru] "no…"
The words left his mouth faster than he could think…Subaru didn't know what he wanted, or rather he blocked out what he needed, what should be done.
[Subaru] "I need to go."
Splashing a bit of water in his face, Subaru tried moving past Crusch who was standing in the doorway. His head remained down, he just couldn't do it.
[Crusch] "What are you doing…"
Surprisingly or not, Crusch remained in the doorway.
[Subaru] "..."
She didn't understand, what is he doing? He must be sick…
Slowly Crusch reached out but Subaru backed away.
[Crusch] "Subaru?..."
The black-haired boy was at a loss for words, he didn't know why he was acting this way but it felt…
[Subaru] "Please move…"
The duchess was speechless, this couldn't be happening to her, after all she went through…crying in her bed for nights, wanting to be with him, this couldn't be how it ends.
[Crusch] "No!"
The sudden shout startled them both. Subaru's head remained down but for a moment, Crusch could see his eyes, they were…dark…but even in that darkness she saw a small shine
She didn't want to believe Subaru would reject her…not like this. If he wanted to, he needed to look her in the eyes and say it…just like she did to him.
[Subaru] "Crusch i-"
[Crusch] "Stop…Before you say anything else, look at me…"
He couldn't do it
If he saw her face now
[Crusch] "Why won't you look at me!"
Crusch's voice began to waver, she didn't want to be loud but she couldn't control her emotions anymore.
[Subaru] "...How-"
[Crusch] "Surely you can't have forgotten all we have gone through!"
Her voice was desperate. Interrupting the black-haired boy, the duchess grabbed onto his arms in hopes he would regain his senses or even react. It couldn't be over…Subaru could only hold his tongue listening to her pleading words. Her behavior was unbecoming, it was sad to look at, but being the reason for her sadness, he couldn't judge.
Her grip became tighter at his silence. This only made her anxiety grow…she was filled with contradictions, she needed to hear what he wants to say yet she refuses to let him speak…if he speaks and confirms her worries then there is no saying what would happen to her.
[Crusch] "I know you already have a lot of lovers but I promise to be-"
Abruptly, Subaru grabbed onto her arms that had been gripping him. This was it, she could feel it. It almost felt like she stopped breathing completely, he was going to reject her and leave her with another hole in her heart…why did she deserve this? Why didn't she stop any of this from happening? Why-
[Subaru] "how…"
He knew why, he always knew why, if he looks at her now he won't be able to stop himself from saying the truth, the real truth…for now, he needs to say what she needs to hear and what he needs to confirm.
[Subaru] "HOW CAN YOU JUST FORGIVE ME?!"
In a frustrated gesture, Subaru swatted away Crusch's arms which made her recoil slightly.
[Subaru] "AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED?! HOW CAN YOU JUST FORGIVE THAT!?"
[Crusch] "I-"
[Subaru] "I PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART AND FEELINGS, I HURT YOU! HOW IS ANY OF THAT SOMETHING THAT CAN JUST BE FORGIVEN?!"
He no longer hid his face, Subaru was looking Crusch directly in the eyes. Her fear, her anxiety, depression, all of it, he could see it as clear as day. The more he spoke the louder and more frustrated he became.
Alternatively, Crusch could see the pain in the shouting boy's eyes, the same he could see in hers. Both his face and eyes became red as he pelted her with his words.
[Subaru] "THIS WHOLE THING ISN'T RIGHT, YOU SHOULDN'T BE OKAY WITH IT!"
[Crusch] "..."
How could she just forgive him? She broke up with him for a reason, she knew this…was it the loneliness? The pain, envy, did she just like him that much? So much that even a messed-up situation like his would be fine?
'If it's to be with him…'
[Crusch] "You are wrong…"
[Subaru] "...Wh-what?"
[Crusch] "You're wrong!"
It felt like he would burst a blood vessel, what didn't she understand? This wasn't healthy for either of them…Subaru knew this, his frustration wasn't targeted at her in any way…all this hate belonged to himself.
[Subaru] "YOU'RE NOT THINKING-"
[Crusch] "NO! IT'S YOU WHO ISN'T THINKING, YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME, IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR ME TO FORGIVE YOU?!"
[Subaru] "NO IT ISN'T I HURT YOU!"
Subaru's hand grabbed onto his head and pulled his hair slightly, why didn't she understand?
[Crusch] "I HAVE HURT YOU AS WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN EVERYTHING ENDS!"
[Subaru] "EVERYTHING DID END! THIS ISN'T GOOD FOR EITHER OF US!"
With each turn, they came closer to each other in their shouting match. Deep down Subaru wanted to just accept her, it would be so much easier to silence her with a hug or kiss…but if he chose the easy way out each time then he would have never gotten this far.
[Crusch] "THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN DECIDE FOR THE BOTH OF US!"
Why did they need to fight? The stress from the past few days was already enough to put the youth into a coma but now? Just as he had begun to accept things as they were, Crusch came back to him…be it guilt or reason, she could not…should not be with him…for her.
[Subaru] "ITS THE RIGHT DECISION! CAN'T YOU THINK CLEARLY!"
'...The wind around Subaru tells me otherwise, he still wants to be with me..'
[Crusch] "WHY MUST YOU DO THIS!? YOU MAY SAY ALL THIS BUT YOU CAN NOT LIE TO ME!"
[Subaru] "LIE!? YOU HAVE BEEN LYING TO YOURSELF IF YOU THINK THIS WOULD WORK!"
'please…I don't want to hurt you anymore…'
[Crusch] "WHY DO YOU WISH TO PUSH ME AWAY!? DID YOU NOT SAY YOU LOVED ME?!"
'Was that all a lie…'
[Subaru] "I DID! AND ITS BECAUSE I DO THAT I'M PUSHING YOU AWAY!"
[Crusch] "IF YOU LOVED ME THEN WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME!"
Their emotions were too high, Crusch abandoned her logic, she wanted to be with him that was all she wanted…her careful calculations, meticulous analysis, all of it was left behind and it was because of him…
Subaru understood this which only led him to hate himself more…he did this to her. The least he could do was try to fix her.
Even if he had to hurt her.
[Subaru] "...UGH! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO BE AROUND ME!? IS CALLING YOU PRETTY ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU OBSESSED WITH ME?! ARE YOU THAT EASY!?-!"
Before he could even finish, Subaru felt a sharp slap ring across his face.
Even though he would agree he deserved this, it still shocked the youth and left him speechless.
[Crusch] "That's enough!"
Crusch's eyes had been forming tears for a while now. All of this was too emotionally exhausting, his last words didn't stick well with her. It was much more than that and she knew he understood that, she just wanted Subaru to stop being stubborn and accept her already.
[Crusch] "why do you insist on keeping us apart?! After everything we have gone through…you can't keep lying to me and yourself!"
[Subaru] "...Crusch-"
Suddenly, the black-haired boy could feel the duchess embrace him. Her warmth felt so soothing, it would be so easy to hug her back and be done with all of this…
[Subaru] "please…"
[Crusch] "Even if you wish to stay away from me I promise to be the best lover for you!"
Once again, it felt like a vein was ready to burst. She still didn't understand, how far will he have to go?
Subaru lifted his arms…all he would need to do was wrap them around her and this could all be over…its the easy way out, what's so wrong with taking the easy way out now and then…His hands shook, if he continued to resist this then the damage could be irreversible; she laid her feelings on the line for him, her vulnerability was so heart-wrenching that it could bring him to tears.
He loved her, that much was true, if you love something then you must let it go…this was much deeper than that, he wanted to save her; on a subconscious level, Subaru knew how dangerous his current lifestyle was. It would be false to say he didn't enjoy it, who wouldn't enjoy it? He knew the kind of mental tax this whole thing put on him and even though the others didn't speak of it, he could imagine what they felt.
Crusch could not handle it all and to no extent did Subaru blame her. Even if she somehow realized that she still wants to be with him, her heart still spoke the truth and realized something that they both needed to see.
Being with Natsuki Subaru will eventually be too much to handle.
Either party will begin to suffer, for Subaru, suffering was something he was used to. For others, they may put up walls to cope but eventually, it will all crash down.
[Subaru] "Why…?"
[Crusch] "Because I love you."
If his heart could tear itself up it would. The youth looked down to see the teary eyes and loving smile of the duchess, she meant it all, she would forget all the pain just to be with him.
As they locked eyes Subaru felt a familiar sensation. Slowly Crusch closed her teary eyes, her grip on him grew tighter and her lips grew closer to his.
'Just lean down and it's over'
His hands that had been hesitantly waiting in the air shook even more. Did he deserve this? To be forgiven and loved? Even after he hurt her so much…
'I am such a hypocrite'
At that moment Subaru realized something so…disappointing…
He and Crusch were the same.
It was everything he feared and worse. He hated himself and given time he would begin to hate her…that being said he can't help but think about how good they would have been together in another life…
[Subaru] "Ugh.."
Subaru made up his mind.
[Crusch] "eh-"
In a slightly forceful manner, Subaru shoved the duchess away from him. He didn't want to hurt her but if he allowed her to cling to him, he might just give up.
[Subaru] "That's enough!"
'Stay strong'
Staring at the now streaming tears of Crusch, the black-haired boy could feel his heart tear in two. Her eyes looked betrayed but for only a moment; Subaru could see her expression of sorrow transform into determined pain.
[Crusch] "Please be honest…"
The wind around Subaru gave of near full resolve, he was almost fully determined to shut her out…almost, though she had a chance it was slim and that dejected her slightly.
[Subaru] "Augh! why-"
Once again Crusch attempted to embrace the youth, she felt that if she could hold him long enough he would give in to her, however; as she moved in she was met with a small headbutt. It reminded him of the time he did it to rem…the situations weren't so different.
It was more loud than painful but the thump was enough to make her grab her forehead in concern. Looking up Crusch could tell that it hurt Subaru more than her yet, he still had his determined and fierce look; He hoped the shock would make her think clearer and in a sense it did.
[Subaru] "gah! Don't you see it now?! I don't know how much more I can say to you!"
Crusch remained speechless, her vulnerable eyes could only look at him, hoping that he would change his mind.
[Subaru] "...Ugh!"
He couldn't stand it anymore, all of this to save her and all he did was hurt her more than he ever had before
'I did this, this was all because of me!'
All he could do now was regret his decisions and move forward. She could have her false happiness with him or move on and live a fruitful life, one where he isn't involved. Lying to her wasn't an option, she would immediately see through it. Subaru's frustration was becoming too much to bear, he needed to end this soon.
[Subaru] "How can you still stand here!? All this pain and suffering…I'M NOT WORTH IT! I WILL ONLY KEEP HURTING YOU!..."
[Crusch] "Even then I know being with you will bring more happiness than sadness, the times where I am hurt…I know you will help me and make me feel that much better-"
[Subaru] "I'M NOT YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR, I CAN'T JUST FIX EVERYTHING FOR YOU! DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?! THAT EVEN IF I HURT YOU IT'S ALRIGHT!?"
She was speechless and he was relentless.
[Subaru] "THIS ISN'T A FANTASY, YOU NEED TO STOP BEING DELUSIONAL AND SEE THAT!-!"
Once again a sharp slap rang across Subaru's face. For a moment it silenced him but it only brought his determination higher.
[Subaru] "We were only together for a few days, I know in that time I became important to you but you were smart enough to realize that this won't work."
[Crusch] "...How can you say that?..."
[Subaru] "Because it's the truth you refuse to see."
A painful silence grew for what felt like forever. Crusch's tears seemed to stop entirely yet her face stayed solemn. Her arms remained crossed on her chest and her head hung slightly to the side. She looked defeated which was never something he wanted to cause…but in this situation, it's what he needed.
[Crusch] "So that means you don't-"
With a depressing turn, the duchess attempted to walk away accepting this reality…It would be so much easier for her to believe he didn't love her, even if was just a giant lie…Just fooling herself would be enough…
[Subaru] "I still love you, that much won't change."
It would have been so much easier, even if she spent the rest of her life convincing herself…
As Crusch tried to walk away, Subaru grabbed her arm and turned her back around. For a moment they stared into the eyes of each other; the black-haired boy could have finally let her walk away. He should have but, if he had to let her go he didn't want her thinking he hated her. If she hated him so be it, but he could never hate her…
On the other hand, Crusch felt a tinge of anger towards the youth now. She was ready for this to end, she attempted to make her peace but Subaru was still selfish enough to pull her back. She knew this was one of his greatest flaws, so selfless yet selfish and greedy…
Just thinking about it made her even more upset.
In a sharp and aggressive motion, Crusch pulled her arm out of Subaru's grasp. Her eyes stared at him with a somewhat fierce and frustrated look; It wasn't all that surprising to the youth, he felt he deserved all the hate she would have towards him. She knew this, she spent enough time with Subaru to know exactly what he is thinking.
[Subaru] "..I'm sorry-"
Suddenly Crusch shoved the youth back.
[Subaru] "..."
The duchess's face stared down at the floor, her dark eyes were too hidden for Subaru to notice. Once again he deserved her anger, however; there was only so much abuse he could take.
[Subaru] "Crusch I-"
Another push came from the green-haired girl, each time she did so it was more forceful. The silence in the room was crippling, the only sound loud enough was the ragged breathing of Crusch. It sounded almost as if she was holding something back, be it a cry or a scream it was hard to say.
[Subaru] "!-...I'm sorry, but this is over…"
Subaru could hear the quiet sniffles of the lady in front of him. This constant argument was too draining for both of them but it seemed it was over. Trying his best to keep his strong front on, Subaru tried to move past the duchess only to get pushed back into the bathroom. He wasn't sure if she was even holding her strength back anymore since when she shoved him he nearly flew back into the wall.
Struggling to keep his balance, Subaru glared at Crusch who now stared at him with just as much intensity. It wasn't extreme enough to be called animosity but it wasn't light enough to be called anything less.
[Crusch] "Why are you like this!?"
[Subaru] "Why am I!? Why are you acting like this!?"
With their shouting the two got closer to each other, nearly bumping foreheads.
[Crusch] "Why must everything happen as you say!? You can't decide everything for us!"
[Subaru] "For us?! That's over! We can't keep having the same argument just because it upset you!"
Quickly, Crusch raised her hand to once again slap the black-haired boy. She didn't want to do this, it hurt her more than anything but her emotions and actions wouldn't listen to her. Subaru almost as if he knew she would hit him, dodged the oncoming slap with made Crusch more frustrated than before.
[Subaru] "Ugh!"
[Crusch] "Yes we were done! I was content with walking away assuming the worst! Yet, you insisted you loved me! Even if the problem was solved, you selfishly wanted it to end the way YOU want it!"
Once again Crusch swung at the now speechless Subaru. Fortunately for him, he dodged this one as well.
Subaru could only stare at her, he knew what he did. He didn't deserve to be this greedy yet, he still went for it. Crusch grew more frustrated as the youth remained silent; was there an end to this? Even if there was what would be the outcome? In the back of their minds, the two thought of these questions. Crusch couldn't decide if she even could continue a relationship after this, while Subaru only wanted to save her.
[Subaru] "..."
[Crusch] "...How can you remain quiet!?"
In sequence, the duchess shoved the youth twice, and each time she let her frustration out. Subaru could only stand there and take it, he was used to pain but the mix of emotional and physical pain only brought him to a deeper point. No matter how many times he thinks it, it hurts. He did this to her, the youth's self-hatred had boiled over ages ago. Mixed with being pushed to his mental and physical limit, it was a miracle he had not snapped earlier.
[Subaru] "I'm sorry…"
[Crusch] "Is that all you can ever say!?"
Subaru lost count of how many times the duchess hit him. Not to say he was keeping count in the first place but, at this point, he could only register the pain that comes from the aggressive gesture. Like clockwork, Crusch pushed the youth after speaking; She tried her best to restrain herself but she could only do so much with emotions this high.
[Subaru] "...what else would you want me to say…"
The youth's head hung low, the more they spoke the worse off he became. Any more of this and the two would become volatile.
[Crusch] "I-..."
What did she want? Coming into this Crusch wanted to be with the black-haired boy again but, now she didn't even know why she still stood here. To scold him? She had done plenty of that, To change his heart? That option didn't seem possible anymore…He understood how awful he was being and to an extent Crusch knew how toxic this relationship was…
[Subaru] "...you don't know either huh…"
With a small, pitiful chuckle, Subaru shook his head at the ridiculousness of it all. Once again silence fell on the room, Crusch looked up at the dark and tired eyes of the youth…He always seemed so tired if she looked close enough. These few days have been particularly busy for him and she knew this. To her knowledge, the only time he looked relaxed was when he spent time with her…
[Crusch] "...say that…you need me…"
Delusional and in love, Crusch refused to let him go.
[Subaru] "...huh!?"
From defeated and depressed, Subaru could feel his blood pressure rise as he heard her words. She really was like him, stubborn in the worse ways.
[Subaru] "Are you serious?!"
Both of them didn't have to energy to scream at each other again but somehow, through frustration and disbelief, the black-haired boy felt like he could scream with everything he had.
[Crusch] "Yes…Because I need you…"
[Subaru] "y-you need me!?"
Anger was the only way to describe Subaru's emotions. For the first time in their entire argument, his anger was directed towards Crusch. The youth was completely dumbfounded, that she could still want him after all this; for a moment Subaru thought back to the capital when he and Emilia had their falling out…Did she feel this way? That didn't matter now, he needed to get out of here, any more of this, and who knows what could happen.
[Crusch] "Yes I do, and you need me t-!"
Before she could even finish, Subaru nearly sprinted out past her. Instinctively Crusch grabbed the youth's arm, stopping him in his tracks. Just as fast as she grabbed him, the duchess was pushed back with a surprising amount of force.
Startled by the sudden violence, Crusch stared up at the youth who only stared back at her. She could tell he didn't intend to become so rough yet, there was a strong amount of anger in his eyes. Once again the youth turned to run away only to be quickly grabbed and dragged into the room.
[Subaru] "gah!-"
This time, much stronger, Crusch pulled Subaru back which knocked him off his feet.
[Crusch] "You aren't the type to run away!"
Surprisingly, her words did nothing as in the next moment, the black-haired boy jumped up from the floor and pushed the duchess with enough force to push her back. Physically, Crusch was much stronger, but the pain from being hit registered all the same. Without hesitation, Crusch charged back at the youth and tackled him to the floor.
The impact against his back and head stunned the black-haired boy, for only a second he was able to look up at the pained eyes of the duchess before receiving a skin-breaking slap. The feeling of warm blood running down his cheek and the fresh taste of blood in his mouth only made Subaru want to fight more.
Struggling beneath the green-haired duchess, Subaru tried his best to break free, however; each attempt was thwarted. She wasn't heavy in the slightest but each time he moved to get rid of her, she would counter and keep him down. Remaining straddled on the youth's waist, Crusch managed to pin down the youth's arms.
[Subaru] "Gheh!"
It was no use, no matter what he tried, he couldn't get up. Anything short of biting or kicking wouldn't get him free. For a minute the two struggled on the floor before coming to a mess of exhausted panting and awkward positioning.
[Crusch] "Why!"
Catching his breath, Subaru looked up at the newly formed tears in the eyes of his former lover. It was heart-wrenching enough to freeze him completely. Letting go of his arms, Crusch grabbed onto the collar of his jacket and pulled him close to her face.
[Crusch] "I need you and you need me!"
[Subaru] "How can you still say that shit!?"
[Crusch] "I can say it because it's true!"
Her flowing tears fell onto Subaru's face; so heartbreaking yet beautiful. Her passion resonated with him but he knew better. All this happened because of him, he doesn't deserve her love…even if he truly wanted it.
[Subaru] "True!? If we needed each other we wouldn't be in this position!"
[Crusch] "No! Because it's true that we are here!"
Her grip grew tighter.
[Crusch] "You felt sick before I spoke to you! You were exhausted! This life you've chosen is too much!"
[Subaru] "If you understand that then why won't you stop!"
[Crusch] "Because I love you! How can I leave you when you need me most! You do not need to fight everything alone, I will be here for you!"
[Subaru] "..."
[Crusch] "I need you, Natsuki Subaru, and you need me!"
With her heartfelt words, the duchess pulled the youth into a kiss…
Subaru remained motionless, her words struck him deep. He did need her, even if she contributes to his stress it might be worth it…
'Screw that…'
Even his own subconscious couldn't convince him anymore. Subaru's eyes grew dark, darker than they had ever been before; All of this effort, so much wasted emotion…only to end up where he wanted to be the farthest from…he felt so weak…
His dark eyes grew smaller as they closed and accepted the love Crusch wanted to give. In a sense he was happy but, he felt much more disappointed. He couldn't stick to his one resolve to save her and, now she will have to deal with the pains she felt before…
It was so disappointing.
You thought shit would be sweet huh? Welcome everyone, new and old. I know I haven't written in a while and forgot a lot of things but I think it came back to me while writing. It's not perfect but this was the way the story was supposed to go. Now as for me? Who knows, this update might be a one-time thing, maybe ill make a new chapter tomorrow, or the week after that, or the next month, year, or decade. The point is I can't make promises I did enjoy writing this again and I would love to make another in time. So until then stay safe, Tatoes out!
