CHECKLIST OF THE PREREQUISITES FOR LIZZY'S BEAU

1. He must possess a sense of humor.

Lizzy: I assure you that he is delightfully witty, Papa, and has a keen sense of irony.

Mr. Bennet: (grumbles about being usurped by a no-good whippersnapper)


2. He must put Lizzy's needs first.

Lizzy: If you would like me to describe in detail how he satisfies my needs...

Mr. Bennet: LALALALA (pushes her out of the bookroom and slams the door)


3. His property must meet my standards. The libraries, for example, are to be inspected. I reserve the right to confiscate any books that do not pass my scrutiny.

Lizzy: ...

Mr. Bennet: What? The concern is valid!