Finding Oneself
By JaquiK
Chapter 10: Wanting
As the afternoon was winding down, the two girls were walking at a bit of a slower pace towards their next destination. No words were exchanged between them at the moment as each was lost in her own thoughts.
Okay, so there has to be a word or phrase or just something to describe Ranma. I guess there's 'cross-dresser', but...
Akane took a moment to glance at the redhead slightly behind her, before quickly turning back around, her face the color of her namesake.
No, that really doesn't fit. She's a girl with a girl's body wearing girl's clothes. But she's also a boy. Or wait, shouldn't that be he's also a boy? Ugh, why does Ranma always have to make things so complicated?!
Maybe 'half-girl' could work. He's called himself that several times. Or herself that. Or...okay, so Ranma's half girl. Half girl and half guy. Wait, no. That's a different thing, isn't it. It's...oh, what's that term? When someone is male and female at the same time. What would that even look like?
Akane started to envision Ranma as half male and half female. Somehow, her imagination put the split down the middle vertically with Ranma's male half on the right side and female half on the left side. In addition, she managed to also keep the size differences.
Gah! No, that's definitely not it! It's not at the same time. More like...what's that thing Nabiki goes on about again? Timeshare! That's it. No, that doesn't work either. That would be more like two people having to share the same body. Like that book Miss Hinako had us read. Oh, how weird would it be if Ranma actually became a different person when changing. No! Not like her! That was just a fluke. She's gone and not coming back!
Right, okay. I guess it would be more like one person with two different bodies. Well, sort of anyway. Huh, it's good Ranma doesn't need to control both at the same time. Yikes, how would that even work? Wait, is that what the Spring of Drowned Twins does? It's a good thing no one got hit by that. It would have been awful if-
Akane shook her head in frustration. Focus now! I need to figure out the right way to refer to Ranma. It's important. Maybe it's more like one body with two forms and he changes between the forms. Changeling? Does that work? Eh, not quite. Shapeshifter? 'Ranma is a shapeshifter'. That sounds good actually. That's certainly a lot better than being cursed, and definitely not something you'd want to try and cure. Is that right though? No, it's perfect. Ranma's a shapeshifter. Why do I feel like something's still missing then? But what else would Ranma be?
I'm a girl. How do I get Akane to see that? There's got to be a way for her to see I'm fully a girl right now and not just partial or pretending like I used to do. Or...wait, was I pretending? I mean, I must have. I didn't know then. All the times I'd do something in my girl form, I made sure to remind myself over and over that I was really a guy. Yes, every time...wow, I sure have done that a lot. Huh, it's almost like every time it would help to be a girl, I'd jump at it. What does...no, don't worry about that right now. I can talk with Kasumi about it later.
Alright, so I need to get Akane to recognize that I'm a real girl. That shouldn't be hard. I am a girl, so I just need to do more girl stuff. I could try going into my 'cute girl' routine. No, she would just think I was pretending if I did that. It does kind of feel fake to me anyway. What else can I do? Well, Mom was always going on about me being more ladylike when she still thought I was Ranko. Huh, she really did spend more time with me when she didn't know I was her kid. Was it...focus damnit! Maybe a snack will help me think. Yeah, I haven't had a chance to try the octopus puffs yet.
Ranma reached into her bag, ready to devour the heavenly treat, then stopped. Wait, if I'm going to be a lady, I should follow the, um, that thing Madame St. Paul went on about. Croquette? It was something-quette for sure. I should follow it at least. "Hey, Akane?"
"Yeah?"
"Could we find a place to sit down for a few minutes?"
"What? Don't tell me you're actually feeling tired, girlfriend."
"No way. I could walk all the way to Kyoto, no sweat. I just wanted to have a snack."
"So? Since when do you care about stopping to eat?"
"Well, I don't want to be impolite."
Ranma watched as Akane tripped and nearly face planted herself into the sidewalk. "You what?!"
Oh, no. Did I go too far? She must think I'm faking it now. How do I fix this? "Uh, I just meant...I don't wanna do something to ruin your day today. Is that bad?"
"Oh no, of course not. It's...I mean...yeah! Let's find a bench or something, girlfriend."
Eventually they were able to find an open bench. Ranma plopped down quickly and was ready to tear into the puffs. She stopped as she watched Akane take her own seat on the bench. The redhead looked at how the other girl sat and compared it to the way she was seated. She then tried to subtly shift herself, hoping it wouldn't be too noticeable. Ranma glanced over and saw the brunette staring back with a worried look on her face. "What?"
"Ranma, do you...are you alright?"
"Sure. I'm just trying to get comfortable. So the octopus puffs will taste better. Yeah. Uh, do you want any?"
"Wait, you're sharing food?
"Well, some of those tickets were yours. I guess it's only fair and stuff."
"That's true. Especially since you broke your promise there."
"Hey! I don't do that! Wait, what promise?"
"Well, I recall someone at the arcade saying she'd buy her cute girlfriend something nice."
"Oh, right. Hold on, I didn't call you cute then. Uh, not that I don't think you're not cute or nothing. And, um, I can still buy you something since we're going shopping and all. Yeah! I'll go and find something really cute for my really cute girl friend! Um, that is...if you want…"
"Sure. I'd love it if I got something cute from my cute girlfriend. Well, if that's alright with you."
"Y...yeah."
The two girls finished their snack in silence, both looking away trying to hide the blush on each one's face.
Ranma couldn't believe how impressive the mall they arrived at was. Beautiful glass exterior, several stories high, and more stores than she could hope to count. Although she was a little confused by the current one they were walking through. "Hey Akane. Isn't this a toy store? I think we're a little old for this."
"You know, considering how you act sometimes, this might be perfect for you. Actually, did you even have any toys while growing up?"
"Well, before the training trip I had some stuffed c...cats. Oh, and I kinda remember having a stuffed poptart or something."
"What about during the trip?"
"Nah. Pops kept saying it'd be a waste of money and a distraction from the art."
"Of course he would say that," Akane sighed as they passed through the electronics section. "Oh hey, girlfriend. Check this out."
"Huh? Oh, is that the game we played at the arcade?"
"Yep, the home version. Although I guess you didn't have much fun with that one, huh?"
"Well, some parts were annoying, but actually, I did kinda have fun playing it."
"Really? So you wouldn't call it a waste of money or a distraction then?
"No. I guess I really wouldn't."
"Great! We should really try this version too. I bet you'll love it."
"Uh, but you guys don't even have a Super Famicom. And there's no way I could afford to get one. Besides, Pop's would probably try to play it in his panda form and bust the thing."
"Heh. That's true. Hey, we could always go over to Yuka's house to play it."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she's really into video games. That's how I knew to try it out at the arcade with you in fact."
"No, I mean, you're actually inviting me to one of your friend's houses?"
"Oh. Yeah of course, girlfriend. We'd have to ask Yuka first, but I'm sure she'll be fine with you coming along."
Ranma wanted to ask more about that but was distracted by the aisle they were currently in and the sight of Akane intensely scanning the rows. "Stuffed animals? This is what we're here for?"
"Maybe. Depends on if it's actually here."
"So, what exactly are you looking-"
"AHA!" Akane called out as she ran to one end of the aisle and proceeded to grab something before bounding back and holding said object right in front of the other girl's face. "What do you think? It's perfect right?"
Ranma blinked a few times and she looked into the overly large eyes of a small, stuffed, black piglet. "Really, Akane?"
Akane scoffed and held the stuffed animal close to her chest. "Look, I'm sure P-chan is having a good time at Akari's farm, but I miss him, okay? And this really does look like him. All we need is one of Ryoga's headbands and it will be perfect!"
Ranma froze up. "Uh, wh-what do ya mean by that?" she asked, trying hard to keep the nervousness out of her voice, and failing at it just as hard.
"Oh come on, Ranma. Did you really think I wouldn't have noticed?"
ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap "N-no, of course not. Listen. Ryoga, he just...I mean…"
"I just wish he'd told me right away. You could have told me too, you know."
OHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAPOHCRAP "W-well, it was kinda my fault, so I promised to keep it a secret. You know, cause it was so embarrassing and all..."
Akane gave a glare to the redhead that could melt steel "Oh really?"
Oh no. Minefield! Minefield! "Uh…"
"So you think owning a pig is really embarrassing, huh? Is that why you tease Ryoga all the time? And what about poor Akari? How could you be so mean to her?"
"Look Akane, I...wait what? What are you talking about?"
"Oh stop it. It's obvious that P-chan is actually Ryoga's pet."
"Huh? Oh, yeah, of course! It is kinda obvious, isn't it?"
"So?"
"So what?"
"What's so bad about it?"
"Bad? There's nothing wrong with owning a pig."
"Then why did you say it was embarrassing?"
"What? Oh, that! No, I wasn't talking about that! I meant...um...that is...the way that Ryoga got P-chan was embarrassing. That's all."
"Oh. What happened?"
"Hey! I said I promised not to tell, and I'm going to keep it."
"Alright. So, what do you think?" Akane once again held up the stuffed pig.
"Eh, it's fine. I'm not paying for it though."
"Why not?"
"Hey, I said I'm gonna buy you a cute gift, remember?"
"Whatever. I'm still holding you to that, got it?" Akane gave a little smirk as she walked out of the aisle.
Ranma started to follow but stopped herself and looked around at all of the stuffed animals. Hey, yeah! If I get one of these for myself, that will really show Akane I'm a full girl. She took a quick scan to see if any of them looked interesting, and then did a double take to one particular orange item. What the heck is…
The object was definitely a stuffed something with its oval body, long spindly arms, and stubby legs. The two triangles on top of its head gave a suggestion of a cat, but Ranma felt no fear from it. The large eyes staring right back at her should have been at least a little unsettling, but she didn't feel any of that either. As she picked up the stuffed sort-of-cat and looked at it, the feeling she had was...recognition.
Why? Why do I… She hugged the little orange creature and leaned her chin down on top of it. Little snippets of memories started to come to her. How she found a little stuffed cat just like this one and thought it was weird enough that maybe her father wouldn't mind, but knew enough to not let him see it. How sometimes, he was content to just leave it at the bottom of his pack, but other times, she would take it out to cuddle with when she knew her father was asleep. How she tried to be careful, but eventually made a mistake and fell asleep with it in her arms. How she woke up and it was gone, never knowing what truly happened to it. How she received a rather stern lecture from her father that martial artists don't play with dolls like weak little girls and that she should forget she ever had the thing. And then she...then she...she…
"Hey Ranma! Are you coming? What's the...hold...up…"
Ranma looked over to see Akane with that same worried expression as before on her face. "Akane?" She asked, a little surprised by how soft her voice was at the moment.
Now, genuine fear seemed to show in the brunette's eyes. "R-Ranma? Are you…? I mean, do you…?"
Ranma quickly snapped out of it. "Oh, I was just looking round a bit and found this." She then shoved the cat-like creature in front of Akane's face. "Whatta ya think?"
Akane blinked a few times. "Um, it sure is...unique. I guess it could be considered cute, but I don't think it's really my style."
"Oh, no. This isn't your gift. I'm getting this for myself."
"What, really?"
"Y-yeah," Ranma replied, once again clutching the stuffed pseudo-cat against her chest. "You got a problem with that?"
"No, of course not. I'm just curious why you picked that one."
"Well, I just remembered I had one like this before. For a little bit anyway. When I was on the road with Pops."
"Huh? But I thought your dad wouldn't let-"
"He didn't."
"Oh. Uh, well hey! You got another one now and there's nothing your dad can do about it."
"Yeah. You're right. He can't."
"Exactly! Alright, let's go. We have a bunch more shopping to do, and my cute girlfriend still needs to get me a gift."
"Oh, sure." Cute girlfriend? Again? Why does she...could it be...no, of course not. She would pound me flat for just suggesting it. She means a friend that's a girl. It's just a thing that girls do. Being all friendly and stuff. It has been really nice today actually. Just spending time with Akane and not having to worry about any of that arranged marriage junk or any stupid rivals showing up. Yeah, this is perfect! We can be really good friends, and then when I change back to a guy... it will get all screwed up again. All the crazy stuff will start over and Akane will be upset and hurt. Maybe...maybe this is better. For a little bit longer. A few extra days. Or maybe a couple of weeks. Just being girl friends. Even...even if I couldn't really be with her, at least she'll be happy, right?
Ranma looked down at her new stuffed companion, half expecting to receive an answer. Some words of encouragement or a clue as to what she should do.
All she got back was silence.
