Chapter 4
Jacob
"No" Bella screamed hysterically "No, Jacob, please don't!"
"Sue, did you hear me?" I raised my voice, to clarify I was being serious.
"Yes, Jake, I'm coming" Sue replied from upstairs.
"Jacob, no, I'm not ready for that," Bella cried.
I wanted to tell her that life didn't give us what we were ready for, and that those children - our children - were supposed to be our only purpose in life. I wanted to scream at her, shake her, put some sense into her. But in the end I knew – based on painful personal experience – it would be totally useless to try.
Bella was crying hard; her pale face was all red. She stood up and walked towards me. On her way, her leg hit the coffee table so she fell on the floor. She cried harder, and babbled incomplete words between her sobs "Plea… Jaco… I need the… I wan… Har…"
I fought so hard not to join her to the floor and hug her tears away, comfort her and carry her up. Pain twisted inside me to see her broken like that, but it would be pointlessly foolish to do any of that. I knew I had to try to erase it all, erase her all, like we had never existed or the pain wouldn't allow me to go on.
Sue came in holding Serena's hand with her left, carrying Harry with her right. Sue and Serena were shocked when they saw Bella on the floor crying. They both went to her, Sue dropped Harry in my hands on her way.
"Please Jacob, I am begging you, please give me some time, give him time, he needs me"
"Don't cry Mommy, are you afraid of the evil man?" Serena was hugging Bella, stroking her hair. Damn, wish that were I.
Sue looked sympathetic, how bad Bella looked clearly surprised her. I could hardly blame her; I had known Bella for years as a friend, a lover and a husband and had never seen her breaking down that way.
"Serena dear, we have to go home, mommy will be alright," I said.
"We are leaving with Harry?" Serena asked.
"Yes honey, mommy needs some rest" I assured her "come, we have to leave, tell mommy bye"
"Bye Mommy" Repeated Serena after me.
Bella pressed hard on Serena's hand, and I was scared Bella would ask her to stay. I would then be the monster daddy that wouldn't let her stay with her mother, and I really didn't want to go through this now in front of my girl. At last, Bella kissed Serena's forehead hugged her hard, all the time crying with loud sobs. She then approached me, did the same to Harry. As she became near, I tried not to breath, I missed my Bella's scent. Man I am sick with her.
"Bye, Bella" I said walking outside with the kids. I couldn't help but say "hope you find your happiness now". Bella's cries went louder.
I drove the way back to La Push with a pouting Serena and a screaming Harry. I wondered all the time if I had done the right thing. Bella seemed so fragile and my idiotic self was driving me insane with blame and guilt. I knew some of the anger was directed at myself but it was all too much to deal with, and I was sure weeping in front of my kids wasn't an option.
I parked at Rachel's. I knew Paul wouldn't be back now, but there was a possibility Rachel would. Fortunately, Rachel opened the door to me when I knocked. Her face fell as she studied my expression, and she looked with concern to screaming Harry and teary Serena.
"What happened?" Rachel asked.
"I got formula! Do you have bottles?"
Rachel looked through her garage boxes for Andy's old glass bottles. She came back and boiled them for sterilization. She carried Harry and tried to sooth him with her midwife tricks and it seemed to be working, he was crying less. Thankfully Andy distracted Serena. Rachel's son was two years younger than her, and she loved bossing him around, and the kid was obsessed with her.
Rachel then prepared the formula for Harry. He took the bottle and started sucking; the poor baby was so hungry. Rachel asked me as she fed him.
"What happened Jake?"
"She met him" I said "She was fucking preparing dates with him, behind my back!"
"Who? You're talking in riddles bro!"
"Who else? Edward!"
Rachel laughed, "Jacob, I thought you got over this shit"
"I'm not saying shit, Rachel. He was there at Charlie's, during the night, with her. Serena smelled him and Bella confessed. She said she wants to be with him"
"Oh" Rachel sighed "Suddenly? Just like that? What happened to cause this? Maybe he's been using some tricks on her."
"No Rach" my voice cracked "She's been asking about him since that memory fucking adjustment."
"So sorry Jacob" She rubbed my arm.
Harry stopped drinking and started screaming again. Rachel tried to put the bottle back in his mouth but he would abandon it, and scream higher.
"What is it?" I worried.
Rachel looked at the bottle scale and said "He was starving, so he took a little sip, but he is refusing it now, he wants his mommy's"
Rachel kept trying to trick him into drinking again, but it was no use.
"I can't believe she let him go like that, he needs her, couldn't she wait till he grew a bit?" Rachel said.
"She actually begged me to wait for six months."
"What?"
"Yes Rachel, she did, but how will I sleep every night, knowing my son is in the hands of a bloodsucker to be?"
She didn't reply.
Rachel put Andy and Serena to sleep. I didn't know what I would have done without her. Harry slept in my arms; probably crying put him to sleep. I studied him and he looked so tired. Screaming was such an effort to him. My boy was tiny; he seemed to grow really well those two last weeks. I wondered again if my decision was well thought of.
Rachel tried to make me feel better, chatting and joking around. Paul came back and we all had dinner. I knew it wasn't like me but I had no appetite, every bite tasted sour knowing my son was starving.
The door knocked and I headed to open the door, since I was nearly not eating.
It was Leah.
"There you are, Black" she was annoyed "I've been searching everywhere for your majesty, why aren't you answering your phone?"
I thought about my phone for a while, I remembered I had left it in the car.
"It's in the car."
"Whoa, why is it in the car? Idiot"
She came inside the house, talking with her loud voice. Harry woke up and started crying again.
"Would you please stop it, you woke him up and he's been crying for hours."
"I have what he wants." She said with a smirk.
She then took a full bottle of milk from her bag. "Bella's milk, Mom said you might need this."
Rachel flew in high speed, grabbed the bottle and ran to him. He took it in on the spot and finished it before I could count to 10.
I had always thought I was a good father, but in emergencies with little babies I panicked and it had been Bella's specialty. I missed my Bells.
"Where do I put those?" Leah asked.
She had a plastic bag with small four jars full of milk. She helped herself to the kitchen and placed them in the freezer.
Rachel looked relieved and my boy was silent and relaxed so I felt better. I went back to the dinner table grabbed a sandwich to eat. Paul was already finishing everything.
"Are you really going to eat, stupid? Just like that?" Leah scolded me. What was with her?
"Leah, stop, I cant take this today, my day was horrible."
"Well mine too, alpha, so stop ordering me around and tell me what the hell were you thinking doing that?"
I knew she talked to Bella, so I told her my side of the story. Paul excused himself. He knew it was harder for me to talk about that in front of everyone, but his nosey wife stayed. I finished my story, expecting to find sympathy from Leah's side, but she kept her sarcastic tone.
"So wise, alpha!"
"She is dating him behind my back."
"No dummy, she isn't, he surprised her in the room and she sent him down to the living room and have a talk."
I was pissed with Leah defending Bella.
"What is it Leah? Knock it off, what's your problem?"
"My problem is that my best friend tried to cut herself with a knife and Charlie saved her in time"
My heart sank in my chest and I felt all my body shaking with worry and pain.
"Yes, Jake, thankfully she was so weak already, and she probably fainted before she could cut her self deep"
I fought them since Serena's call, but my cheeks were wet now. Rachel moved herself beside me and started rubbing my back.
"I nearly killed her." I said in disbelief.
"Stop the drama, she is fine now" Leah went on "What was that move you did today? Thought you were the fighter."
"I fought enough, Leah, I know this side of Bella, and I know I can't change her mind"
"You knew this side, and yet married her, completely aware of everything. Don't try to fool yourself Jacob"
"What do you expect me to do? Ask her to give me another chance, date us both on consecutive days?"
"No, asshole, just give her a chance."
"How is she now? Is anyone watching her? I'm afraid she tries again."
"She is fine, I had a long talk with her, also mom is sleeping with her in the room, just to be sure"
"You talked?"
"Yes, you want to know what she said?"
She didn't wait for my reply
"She said she wanted to talk to you since she woke up with her old memory, that she needed you as it was too much to take in, but you would escape her."
"She told me she wants him, she wants to be a bloodsucker Leah!"
"Stupid men" Leah laughed "think about Bella's reaction today, the breakdown, suicide attempt, does she appear to you like a mother who decided leaving her kids? Huh? Answer me? She would feel relieved then, no nervous breakdowns, not all this madness"
Rachel didn't react till that point.
"She has a point brother."
I looked at her in confusion.
"Give her time Jacob" Leah went on "let her heal and absorb everything. Talk to her, show her how happy she is with you."
"I can't"
"Jacob, don't try to fool me, I know you, I've been in your head, and you're partly guilty how you handled things before. But you're doing the same again"
"Stop this shit right now Leah." My voice was high it startled Harry so my sister went to him.
"Ok, let's not press on wounds, I'm trying to help you both heal. I suggested Bella sees a therapist, and Charlie said he knew a good one that they would suggest to crime's victims. And guess what? She agreed and she will start next Friday."
"I can't agree to this Leah, I'm a husband now, I can't take a love triangle, it all sounds twisted. Are you about to suggest a threesome?"
"Eww Jake, hell no. don't accept the triangle. You already have kids that are so sensitive to vampires. Set your rules, alpha. She wants six months with the kids, give her but with your conditions, ask her to move back home to La Push, no Edward dates or calls, whatever suits you."
I wasn't sure how I wanted to reply.
"Listen Leah, since you said Bella got hurt, I can't think straight, can you give me time to think"
Leah sighed and smiled. I never knew when we became that close, but she understood me really well. Damn Bella's friendship with her, I became an open book to one of the most annoying members of my pack.
"Ok alpha, I'll stay to help Rach with the kids, you go check on her, don't worry about your thoughts, the way is clear, Quil was last on Petrol he phased back, just before I reached here"
I ran out of the house, took off my clothes and phased. It was always better dealing with pain and fear as an animal. The wolf helped me; I was more tolerant with his strength. I've been dying to phase all day, but I'd been worried about Harry and didn't want any of the pack in my head.
I reached Charlie's house and smelled Bella's scent. I laid down under her window, listening to her heartbeats. Her breaths indicated she wasn't sleeping. I tried to listen more and I heard her sobs. Was she crying all day?
I wanted to phase back, climb her window, kiss her strongly and take her in my arms. But it probably wasn't a very good idea. First, I could hear Sue's steady breathing in the room and I'm not sure she will appreciate seeing me naked. Second, it probably wasn't the most appropriate move now.
I knew I had to go back, so that Leah can go home, but I couldn't leave my spot for hours. Like I was pulled to Bella's side. I couldn't leave without making sure her crying stopped.
I felt someone phasing and Leah was in my head.
Sorry alpha, don't worry the kids are fine. You were late, and I just wanted to make sure you're all right. How is she?
She is breathing fine…. Leah?
Yes?
I'll do it; I'll go on with your suggestion.
