Chapter two

Back to present time...

"How can you say that babe, if I wasn't being a cocky ass, you would not have needed to jump in and save me." Sonic said to me with a sad look in his eye.

"I will heal my love, it will just take some time." I force myself to sound positive but deep down I knew I would probably be stuck in this damn wheelchair for the rest of my life.

In truth I was finding things very hard to adapt to my new life and when I had that first accident, I stopped eating and drinking and lived off my chaos energy. Yes ok it does sound dramatic but so long as I replenish my supply of chaos energy with an emerald, I am very capable of surviving solely on it. Of course everyone knew why I decided to do that but I need some dignity to be saved, it's bad enough I need help when getting in and out of a damn bath tub then there's the whole having to be watched just in case I happen to slip under water. So yes I stopped consuming food and drink.

"It's been five months now Shadow and still no signs in healing, maybe it is about time we both faced the truth and except it." Sonic said to me and looking very unhappy about it.

I don't know why he is so upset, he's not the one who lost the use of his legs and well practically every feeling down there. I'm the one stuck in this chair unable to run, go to the toilet voluntarily or feel the pleasure of sex any more. Yes we still have sex, we are a couple after all. Just because I do not feel any benefits to it does not mean I do not enjoy having Sonic that close to me. Ok sometimes yes it does upset me a lot that I can no longer feel that connection with Sonic but I just cannot deny him of that special moment together. I love him dearly, my sacrifice was an obvious given to that, and I just cannot bare not seeing him happy. So yes I suggest sex once in a while, just to see his happy face after we are finished making love and I quite enjoy the after cuddles with him too.

Speaking of sex, it has been some time since we were that intimate maybe all's he needs is some of those wonderful endorphins erupting inside of him to make him happy. Yeah I do think he does and what better way to ensure of that release is some alone time in the bedroom together tonight. I'll suggest it most definitely, I want to see that goofy satisfied smile of his. Oh damn, been way too quiet for far too long he is starting to give me a worried look, better say something. Ok what was he talking about before I ended up thinking of sex? Oh yeah that's right my current condition.

"Yes true, it has been five months since the incident, but we cannot just give up on hope. I will keep on hoping even long after you have given up, I cannot and will not believe I will never gain full use of my body. If I do that then...then I will lose my mind." I say as I look down to my useless legs, knowing full well I am already losing my mind to all of this.

I have gone through some unwanted thoughts and occasionally still do. I got it in my head once that Sonic was seeing someone else and was planning to leave me. That thought still pops up from time to time, especially when he is gone for a few days at a time. I know he is off stopping the Drs latest scheme or shopping or hanging out with our friends but I just cannot help but to wonder if that is what he really is doing. So yes I'm very insecure right now and I do try my very best to hide it and to hide how low in mood I get at times too.

"Ok babe but if you don't show any signs of healing in the next six months then I really don't think you will heal. Let's stop talking about this and go out like we planned." He announces to me as he tries to sound more cheerful.

I simply nod and smile back at him then waited for him to wheel me out of our home. We planned to have a picnic with our friends at the park, something I was persuaded to attend. It is not that I don't want to go, it's just that I do not see the point in attending if I am not going to eat or drink anything.

"Hey watch it Sonic!" I call out and grip onto the arms of my chair as Sonic carelessly rammed one of my wheels over a small ditch in the path making this ride bumpy.

That's the only problem with living within a woods, there are quite a few bumps in the path leading out. You know I never had a problem with then until I ended up in this thing. Maybe I should complain and have someone fill the holes in and remove the roots that have grown up and over the path.

"Huh? Sorry babe I wasn't paying attention, I'll be more careful ok." I hear Sonic say, he sounds distracted maybe distant would be a better word to describe his tone.

"Are you alright Sonic?" I have to ask or he will keep zoning in and out then I'm the one to suffer since he is pushing me along this death trap path.

"Yeah I'm cool, I was just thinking." Ok now he sounds a little sad, time to cheer him up I think.

"You were thinking? I do hope nothing was damaged during that activity, we both know it is a very risky thing for you to do." I know it doesn't sound like a nice thing to say to your boyfriend but the thing with me and Sonic is we can mess about on this level and not take it seriously.

"Oh you are so funny babe and just remember who is driving you, I might happen to look away and do this." Oh damn he did not just do that.

"Yeah and what would you do if that stunt made the chair tip over and I fell out of it? Can you just avoid the ditches please…Sonic!" Oh he really is not having sex tonight now, he doesn't damn well need it.

"Oh chill out love, I wont let you fall to the ground." I hear him chuckle as he now starts to avoid the uneven parts of the path as best as he could but at least he seems happy once more.

Soon enough we reach the park and Sonic wheels me over to where our friends have already set everything up. Why they chose to set up on the grass and not near even ground I do not know, this is a very bumpy ride over to them, more so than the path in the woods. I force a smile on my face as we got closer, trying very hard not to roll my eyes at the pity I see in everyone's gaze at me. Yes I'm paralysed and stuck in a wheelchair for the time being, I do not need anyone's pity about it. It is bad enough I pity myself and I really hate that.

"Hey guys!" Sonic calls out to our friends as we got even more closer then he stops pushing me as we reached them sitting on a very large blanket on the grass. Yeah that's right love just park me like a damn car and put the breaks on. Like I'm going to just go rolling away anyway. I would voice that but then that would just make me seem ungrateful for his assistance so yeah I think better of it. It is nice to know my manners haven't become paralysed along with my lower body. Well most of the time my manners are still intact.

"How is everyone doing?" I politely ask with a smile, ignoring the guilty looks as well as that damn pity I was receiving.

This is how all our meet ups went for me and I really do understand that my friends are just concerned but I don't need a constant reminder of their lack of hope that I will heal. Just because they all have no hope, it doesn't mean I should lose hope right? Besides it's been five months already, I would have thought everyone would have gotten used to seeing me in a wheelchair by now and it be like the norm or something.

"We are all fine Shadow but how are you?" Amy asked me with that sad smile of hers that she gives me every time she asks me that.

And they all wonder why I nap at them when I can no longer take their looks and tones towards me. At least they are not treating me like a baby I suppose.

"Much better than yesterday thanks for asking." I reply back trying really hard not to sound too annoyed.

It is true I am better than I was yesterday for yesterday I broke down in tears. What made it worse was it was in front of Amy, Rouge and Sonic. I was so embarrassed after I calmed down and refused to look at anyone in the eyes. It was due to happen for a while and alls it took was one comment from Sonic then I cracked and showed them just what I was truly feeling. I just really miss running with Sonic and he knows that but it slipped out accidentally of course. I know that, he knew it did but having him mention of past races or just saying he's going out for a run, makes it so hard to fight the depressive feelings I feel at times. So yeah I cried out my emotions. It doesn't happen all the time, I was simply having a very bad week.

"That's good to hear Shadow." Amy said to me and she looked a little more cheerful too.

There wasn't much for me to do but to sit in my wheelchair and listen to conversations happening around me. Amy and Cream were talking about some shopping trip tomorrow, Rouge and Knuckles were arguing over the Master Emerald which was no surprise there, Sonic and Tails were chatting about something amongst themselves and are too far away for me to hear them. The only one not talking was me but it's not like I have anything to say anyway. Unless they want to hear about my latest disturbing thoughts, which I very much doubt they do.

I know it will never happen and I know the thoughts will pass but I have been thinking of trying to find a way to end my suffering. Yes I do still have hope my body will heal but that hope is very slowly slipping away as the weeks go by. I swear I am losing it and I'm going crazy, I have never in my whole life ever had thoughts of killing myself but I can't help them from popping into my head. I feel like such a burden to Sonic, to our friends and if I wasn't here then they can move on and no longer suffer as well. Sonic can find someone who isn't crippled to love and our friends can stop feeling guilty for what happened, not that it was anyone's fault by my own and the Drs.

"Shadow you alright over there? You are being very quiet."

I don't have to see to know that was Rouge talking to me. I look over to her and give her a way too innocent smile.

"Oh yes I am fine, just enjoying being outside in the sunshine." I lie and very convincingly as she smiled back at me then continued to chat with Knuckles, seems like their argument has fizzed away.

After so long my friends gathered around to start on the picnic. I declined to have anything as both Sonic and Rouge tried to convince me to eat just this once. The hell I will, what goes in bloody comes out and with me not feeling the need to use the bathroom...well let's just say it will become a very embarrassing moment for me. Either I will have to sit on the toilet for some time until I pass something or I will have another accident in my chair or like last time in the bed. No thank you, I would rather have Dr Eggman come along and finish me off...which isn't a bad idea actually. See what I mean, I'm very emotionally unstable right now.

When they were finished with the picnic I watched Cream run off over to the play area with Amy. I faintly smiled at them, maybe a little envious of the fact they have the ability to run. I sigh softly and looked down at these pathetic legs of mine covered with a blanket. How I wish I could at least feel the soft material of the blanket Miss Vanilla knitted for me. It was a lovely design of light and dark blue wavy lines with large white gaps in-between each thick wave. Yes I can touch and feel the cotton with my hands but I want to feel it on my legs. I want to feel the warmth of it, the weight of it and most of all the texture of the differently knitted wavy lines. I think, if memory serves me correctly, the wavy lines were pearl knitted rather the basic stitch.

"Shadow!" I suddenly hear my name being called out by Sonic and I look up at him with a forced smile as yes t did make me jump slightly.

"Yes, what is the matter my love?" I ask as he gave me a worried expression as did all those still around me.

"I need to go out into the city for a couple of hours with Tails and Knuckles. Rouge is going to take you home soon and I will see you later alright." He says to me then leans down towards my face and places his lips on mine very briefly.

He is lying, I know he is. I can tell just by looking into his eyes and they show betrayal to me. It could possibly all be in my head but this wouldn't be the first time he has out right lied to my face about something. Well he said he wasn't lying about where he went for those three hours two months ago but I just do not know for sure. He was not with any of our friends that time and no one saw or heard from him until he returned home. So yeah does seem suspicious doesn't it but I will give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and he is going with our friends this time.

"Ok my love, have fun and I will see you later." I yet again force a smile and waved them all off with Rouge standing beside me.

Is he going off to see someone else behind my back? He usually kisses me longer than that when he has to go somewhere for a few hours or so. Maybe I am just reading too much into that kiss but still. I'm sure he wouldn't go see another guy with Knuckles and Tails with him, unless they know Sonic is seeing someone else and are trying to help him cover it all up. Damn my insecurities, damn my stupid emotions I want them gone now.

"So hun, what would you like to do later?" I was asked by my closest friend.

"I don't know, mope around and feeling sorry for myself sounds tempting." I lightly joke as I smirk at her playfully, earning myself an eye roll.

Well you asked me.

"Ok being serious now but I have been meaning to ask Sonic to take me to the beach. Do you think you could take me instead please Rouge?" I asked with a slightly begging look I so happen to be putting on to get her to say yes to me.

I would just go by myself but that would require me to use up precious energy that I need to function on a daily basis now. Not only for that reason but I said I wouldn't go anywhere alone in case I am attacked in my weakened state. I'm sure, as well as everyone else is, Dr Eggman would gladly finish me off. He wouldn't care I'm unable to fight back, he would take my life away which is now making me want to go alone.

"Alright hun, we'll go now. Just wait here while I go tell Amy and Cream we are leaving."

I watched her leave after rolling my eyes at her words. Where the hell am I going to go? It's not like I can just magically stand up and walk away or chaos control without feeling a little drained afterwards. I'm sure she didn't mean to offend me in anyway but still, I cannot help but to be a little.

(Sorry it took so long to get the next chapter up, I didn't think anyone was all that interest in this but thanks to a fan asking when I'll be updating it, I've decided to get cracking on the story, so thank you kazarthelion. Please let me know if I've accidentally slipped out of Shadows point of view at any moment. Thanks for reading and I'll try to update this soon.)