Chapter 6

We picked Serena from school on our way back to La Push. Her face lit with excitement as she saw me in the car. She was joyfully giggling, when Jacob told her I would go back home with them. She gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and stated it had never felt the same without me.

My daughter was adorable.

We parked in front of the house. I hadn't looked around properly the other day, but the house had a very unique location. Greenery hugged it from all sides, with cozy think trees. It was private, intimate and special.

Jacob unbuckled Harry and carried him with one arm, and escorted me to the doorsteps with the other. Just as we reached the door, he looked at me and asked "You ready?"

I nodded.

Jacob apologized the house was so untidy. He joked and said he didn't manage well as a single man. The house – away from the shoes, empty cans and dirty cups scattered everywhere – was so uniquely comfortable. The colors were mostly beige and peach with some teal. It was simple and easy to get used to.

Jacob showed me around; downstairs included a living room, an open kitchen and a toilet. While upstairs consisted of two bedrooms and a bathroom. The larger bedroom was the children's. It had two single beds and a playing area where pink stuffed animals and dolls were scattered on the floor as well as a small desk.

Jacob was in a chatty mood. He was doing his best to calm my anxiety. He told me the large bedroom was originally ours and that we had planned to include a sitting area for us there, but as we were working in the house, Serena's existence had been announced. I had changed everything as soon as I had known I was having a baby. Jacob said he had tried to change my mind but I had insisted on giving our children the bigger room, so that they have enough room to play, draw, and have their fun.

Our room - the room I had woken up in that day - was so warm. A wall was covered in crimson red flowers and green leaves wallpaper, while the off-white wooden furniture had matching paintings. It felt so familiar.

Jacob excused himself to do some grocery shopping. He asked if I'd be all right alone and I assured him I would. As soon as he left, I looked around the house and knew that there were many things to do. I decided to go on with the lower level first, to clean Jacob's mess.

Serena went to play in her room and Harry was sleeping in my arms. I wanted to start, but Jacob hadn't brought the crib in yet. I knew he was still so young to move, but I still was worried to leave him on the double bed all alone. I thought about that for a moment, and then found myself heading to the cupboard in the Children's room. I immediately grabbed a blanket and a sheet and folded them together to prepare a portable floor-bedding downstairs. I did that with confusing expertise and easiness. I don't recall ever doing this.

In an hour, I managed to clean up the lower floor. I washed the dishes, and tidied up the kitchen. It felt like ten men lived in the house alone, not only one. Surprisingly I was still energetic and the kids didn't need me yet, so I decided to cook. Jacob was right, there was nearly nothing left in the kitchen. I found some readymade pizza dough so I put whatever I could find on top and placed it in the oven.

I then went upstairs, arranged the toys in the kids' room and changed the bed sheets. I also had to open the windows to bring some fresh air.

By the time Harry was waking up, Jacob came in.

"Wow, whose house is that?" He commented.

I went down to him, having Harry in my arms. He was unpacking what he got in the kitchen. Jacob seemed lost with the stuff he got, so I handed him Harry, And started arranging everything in its' place.

He sniffed the air and asked, "Something's cooking?"

"Yes, it's a fast pizza, no comments please, because there weren't many options over here" I replied opening cupboards and drawers, placing and arranging stuff.

"It smells good, Serena will be so happy, she loves pizza" he replied

"Oh, thanks for telling me" I replied still busy with the stuff.

I was emptying the last plastic bag, when I noticed Jacob staring at me with an observant admiring look on his face.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry" he said "but… I can't help but notice… you found your way around"

"Mmm, yeah, I… guess" I said shyly.

Once he made his note, I became completely outplaced. I suddenly was asking where everything is, and how everything works. Jacob's comment seemed to awaken my clumsiness back too; I broke two plates preparing the table and dropped the saltcellar. This brought some disappointment that I couldn't bare so I suddenly broke down and dropped to the floor, crying.

Jacob was so petrified. He positioned himself beside me, apologized several times and hugged me. I cried in his embrace till it faded. After a long pause I was up to clean up and arrange the table again. This time he helped me silently.

We had a peaceful meal together. It felt nice to eat with Jacob and Serena, all the time Harry was laying down on my floor bedding beside us. I couldn't help but feel a scent of protectiveness of this little family.

My days at the house were nice. It felt homey for me almost the first day I arrived. I was almost always busy with Harry. Jacob was determined to concentrate on Serena in order not to overwhelm me. I noticed since the kitchen breakdown incident, he became so cautious with his words. Jacob did his best to have his radiant smile on whenever he was home, and as always it managed to make my days better.

Jacob rarely slept. Whenever the baby cried at night, he would knock on the door and ask if I needed help. Sometimes I thought he was worried – considering my mental state – about Harry being left alone much with me, but he always managed to hold himself and give me the assuring 'I trust you' look.

Edward called and texted several times a day. Sometimes he would call me five or six times consecutively. His calls were intensified in the morning while Jacob was at work. Now, I knew it was nearly impossible for me to give up my children, but some part of me still clung to the special love story, and to the fantasy of myself as a strong confident immortal in marble perfect skin. I wanted to go on with the plan Jake had made, hoping to reach a peaceful state of mind. On the other hand, I was so afraid to hurt Jacob. I informed him I was delaying contacting Edward for a while, so that I don't flood myself with feelings...

I decided I would keep my promise to Jacob, as I wouldn't be able to deal with breaking him that way again. Accordingly, I didn't reply to Edward, relieved that he won't just be able to pay me a visit in La Push.

On Friday we had everything arranged. Jacob noticed my distress as my appointment with the therapist approached. He left the shop early, to drive me there. He won't accompany me in the session, but he would wait in the car for as long as I wanted. He asked me if I minded that, and said he just wants to drive me there for support. I was relieved to know he would be around.

The plan was to drop the kids at Rachel. I had known from Leah that Rachel knew everything that had happened and my last encounter with Edward. She was the one Jacob had run to when he had left me. I was so nervous to meet her, embarrassed of whatever thoughts she had about me. Jacob confirmed me that it was stupid and that we are now practically family, but still I preferred to wait in the car as he dropped Serena and Harry inside Rachel's house.

As we reached the clinic, Jacob became stressed himself. I wondered what had happened but he became so tense. He asked me if he could join me up to the clinic. He promised he would leave as soon as I go in so that he doesn't eavesdrop, if I promised to text him when I finish so that he comes and pick me. It didn't make any sense but I agreed as it seemed like he needed this and I couldn't deny him anything at the moment, and also because I myself needed his support.

The therapist was younger that I had expected. Dad said she was good enough to work with people who had bad criminal experiences. She seemed in her twenties and I wondered how a woman her age could manage such cases.

"Hi I'm Dr. Kessler" She said and shook her hand with mine with a warm smile.

"Bella" I presented myself nervously.

She greeted me and told me to have a seat, offered me some juice, then said

"Actually you can call me Chloe" she laughed "the Dr. Kessler thing is a way to say I'm experienced enough to handle the case, when someone gives me the 'you are so young' look" She laughed again and I started to like her.

"So Bella, Chief Swan gave me a brief about your case, he gave me the reports of both of your accidents. I studied the case so I know a lot now about the technical parts but I doubt if this is why you are here. So I want to know the story from your side"

I tried to tell the story as truthfully as possible, leaving the supernatural details. Luckily the situation was messed up enough to make sense without the vampire vs. werewolf opposition.

I talked about everything. How I woke to another world three weeks ago, how I found myself a wife and a mother. I told her about my idiotic stunt of calling Edward and Jacob's reaction. I talked shyly about my suicide attempt and Jacob's latest confession and the agreed upon plan.

Chloe was listening with interest; She didn't give a single judging look, which encouraged me to keep going. She was taking notes all the time.

When I stopped talking she asked if I minded answering some questions, and I told her I didn't while deep inside I was feeling extreme discomfort.

"Are you feeling better now than when you woke up that day or worse?"

I thought for a moment then replied "Better" I said confidently.

"Why?"

"Now that Jacob has told me almost everything, I feel that I understand what had happened, because disorientation was killing me" I sighed and added "also, since he opened up and confessed everything, he became so supportive and it helps, he is my best friend after all"

She was still taking notes.

"Well, some people would look at your situation and say that you are lucky to have tried both options at the same time in a way, can you tell me what do you like most of each of those lives?"

That was a hard question. I had to think for sometime.

She encouraged me to brainstorm out loud if the answer is hard to phrase in sentences. She got two empty papers from a drawer and a pen, and wrote 'Teen Bella's life' on one of them 'Adult Bella's life' on the other.

She said we are going to use these papers through all our sessions, so I will have the option to add and erase whenever I felt like it

"So, Teen Bella's life?" She asked

"I was so much in love with Edward, he was my world and he is perfect. It was like I couldn't see anything else when he was around. His family is strong and full of action. They accepted me though I was much less, I liked the effect he had on me…"

I paused so she moved to the other paper.

I started listing "It's warm, Jacob knows me well, and I love our kids" I couldn't go on, and I started sobbing loudly.

Chloe handed me napkins and asked how often I collapse into tears similarly. I told her minimally once a day. She then asked me if I had more suicidal thoughts and I assured her none of that passed my mind since I became reunited with the kids.

"Well Bella, I don't want to exhaust you, there is enough time and there are many things that we need to go through together. So far I like what your husband suggested, you need to spend time among your old self's life, and see what happens"

She told meth at either choice I made; I shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty.

She clarified that the comparative list was just a way to unleash suppressed feelings, but she will encourage me to choose the option that makes me more comfortable not the option with more benefits.

She walked me to the door. Before she opened it, she asked me if I'm ready to answer one more question, but only if I answer quickly.

I nodded.

"If I asked you to choose one single thing, and give up all the other things that you can have in both of your lives, what would it be?"

Easy "My kids"

She smiled and said, "Everything will be alright Bella, see you next week"

I forgot to text Jacob with the pressure of the session, but to my surprise I found someone else waiting outside the clinic door.

"Edward!" I gasped

"Bella, are you fine? You weren't answering my calls"

"Yeah Edward, it's not appropriate"

"Really?" He said obviously hurt.

"Edward I am sorry!"

"So that's it Bella, you push me out of my life, then call me back in, then just kick me away again this way?"

"It's not like that," I was sobbing even more now.

"What happened to you my love? You were so sensible, what did he do to you"

"Edward- it's not like that, I just need-"

"What do you need, love?"

He approached me and put his hand on my shoulder, it was cold, and I shivered then took a step backwards.

Jacob appeared out of nowhere.

"Bella?" he was angry "I told you to text me"

"Jake, I'm sorry, the session was so stressful, I forgot!"

Jacob looked at Edward with disgust and said

"Why are you here? I talked with Carlisle and told him everything about the plan!"

"I came to see Bella" Edward replied

"You will see her, when she is ready, stop pressuring her, fucker"

"I think pressuring her is so much better than abusing her motherhood and brainwashing her"

Jacob was fuming. He growled and his body was shivering, and Edward was gritting his teeth. I had to interfere.

"Guys, please, I had a very stressful session, I am so overwhelmed with feelings, I can barely stand"

Jacob came to my side and supported me.

"Edward, please leave. As Jacob told you, he is giving me the freedom to choose, please don't add to my stress now"

Edward looked sympathetic with me. He apologized and mouthed that he loved me and left. In a few steps he turned around and glimpsed at me, the pain in his eyes was so clear, it made me hate myself for doing this to him.

I cried and cried as Jacob helped me back to the car without uttering a single word.