Chapter 7
Two weeks after I started my therapy sessions, I became ready to plan my first dinner at the Cullens'. I had planned the day with Jacob first, before contacting Alice to set the details. As it became closer, Jacob had become very stressed. I knew it was hard for him to let me go to their place all alone. I understood him so well, It wasn't just jealousy. It was mainly worry, he was the alpha of a wolf pack and his wife was going to be around seven vampires all alone.
So I came up with the idea.
"Jake, do you think Leah would agree to come with me?" I said on the morning of the day I was supposed to be having my dinner with the vampires.
Jacob looked surprised
"I mean, it will be nice if she accompanies me there, even if she doesn't want to come inside, she can wander around as a wolf" I was hoping he understood my indirect message; I meant to tell him I don't mind if she sent him updates through their wolf pack mind.
Jacob's face relaxed. He nodded and smiled and accordingly Leah became an important part of my plan.
"You husband is an asshole, you know that?" Leah told me in the car as we were driving to the Cullens'.
She had told me the story three times already; she didn't want to 'babysit' me there, so Jacob alpha ordered her.
I laughed "I need you with me Leah, I've been nervous about this visit all week, aren't we best friends"
"Ha-ha, so you tell you hubby to order me, if you don't want to go then just don't!" She had anger mixed with her sarcastic tone.
"I don't know anything any more Leah, I have to go, you know I promised Edward, I really wish I didn't stupidly give him hope calling him that day"
"Listen Bella, you don't owe Edward anything. He should understand the situation. You know how I feel about you choosing whatever you want, but you are forcing yourself into this visit and I can see it."
Leah's company was actually stressing instead of soothing me. She sensed how close I was from one of my crying fits, so she shut her mouth up till we arrived.
The house has changed and hasn't changed both at the same time. The furniture and the decorations were new and different from what I remembered, but that slick, cold perfect effect was just the same.
Esme greeted me with her usual sweetness. They were all there when I first came in except for Edward. Their attitude was very inviting except Rosaline, which was accepted.
Alice was so delighted; she said my visit had made her entire existence. She even gave me some gifts for the little ones. I took them politely, knowing that I'll just have to give them away before my daughter smells them.
Esme asked Rosaline to help her with preparing my dinner, I wanted to help since I would literally be the only one eating, but Carlisle asked me for a talk in his office.
Carlisle wanted to explain about my case in more detail. He was the one handling my case before and now. He explained how my memory has been blocked and returned.
"How do you feel now Bella, do you get any strange headaches?"
"I'm fine Carlisle, thanks for asking!" I said then added "No just normal headaches due to lack of sleep, I have a baby now"
He smiled and studied my face.
"Do you get some deja vus when you are at the house or with Jacob."
"Not really" I answered, and then remembered "But sometimes it just feels familiar, like I know the house or where to find stuff"
Carlisle moved his head up and down and said "Expected"
I didn't know what he meant, so I waited for him to clarify.
"Listen Bella, I wasn't hopeful back then that your memory would return, but now that you got your previous memory back, I believe your brain is working now properly." He explained "And I studied the reports Jacob sent me, I told him but he refuses to tell you for now"
"Tell me what?"
"There is no reason for your memory loss now, Bella" he paused as we heard a piano playing. We both knew who this could be.
"Bella, you are mentally blocking your memory, and it will hit you back sooner or later"
Edward was playing my lullaby, I felt dizzy.
Carlisle handed me a glass of water.
"I told him, Bella" he meant Edward this time "But he is still hopeful you may still want to be with him if you now remember how you were together"
My eyes were tearing.
"I know that is nearly impossible," Carlisle added "considering how you were glowing with Jacob, love is just more than my son thinks it is"
Carlisle words shook me. I was glowing with Jacob?
Esme called for dinner, Carlisle asked me not to decide, unless I get all my memory back.
After Dinner Edward wanted to take me alone for a walk. I immediately said I was cold and tired. My thought of being alone with him was too much right now. He stared at me with a painful look in his eyes. Guilt and shame filled me. Old Bella, new Bella, it's the same old brand new me; I hurt the people I love.
My drive with Leah was silent. I assumed she heard everything that had happened inside. Edward insisted we plan my next visit and I told him once every other week would be enough for now.
I went to Charlie's first, to take a bath and change. The plan was always to be sure Serena doesn't smell vampires on me.
Things were improving. My therapy sessions were helping. Chloe was very cool; she would support me no matter what I said. I believed that was exactly the reason I had been progressing. I had been full of guilt and fear of others' judgments.
There was one thing I was becoming more sure of every day; I would never give up on my children. I loved them so much. I was surely blessed with two very special children.
I kept my visits to the Cullens, Leah always accompanying me against her will. Honestly I enjoyed the group company but it was always awkward with Edward. I was becoming more distant from him, but he wouldn't stop trying. By time, those visits felt more like a burden. Jacob noticed and commented, but he never asked me to stop them.
Harry was becoming more aware of the surroundings, now that he was three months old. His first smile was one of the happiest moments in my life. We were sitting on the couch, Serena on the floor watching her favorite show. I was holding Harry in my arms while Jacob making silly faces at him. Harry kept his eyes locked on Jacob for a moment then his lips formed a perfect smile. Jacob and I screamed with victory and I found myself planting kisses on his face for celebration.
Things were quite different with Serena. It had taken me some time. At first, when I had waken up, feeling like an eighteen years old girl, it had been so hard to suddenly have motherly feelings. Now that I was catching up with my age, my love to her was growing every second. I worried about her when she was at school, and she never left my mind nor my heart.
My relationship was Jacob was calmly good. I appreciated him now more than ever. He had done the impossible for me. There had been times, when I'd burst into tears with no reason. He would just hold me till it goes away. Twice I had fallen asleep in his embrace and he had brought me up to bed.
Jacob would put our family and myself on his top priorities. He would leave the shop for the so-called Lizzie for days if he was needed at home. I was so curious about who she was. I had once asked Leah, and she had said Lizzie was a friend of ours that Jacob had met once at the park when he was accompanying Serena when she was two. Serena befriended Lizzie's son while Jacob chatted with her. Turned out she had had many problems – as a young single mother - that Jacob had helped her with. He had also offered her a part time Job at the shop where she had proven trustworthy. "There isn't a thing that Lizzie won't do for Jacob" Leah said. I disliked the whole story. Leah noticed and gave me a wicked smirk.
Renee was visiting us. My father preferred not telling her about the accident and my new old memory update. He told me she had been extremely worried the first time. He said her stress was affecting me negatively and he wanted to spare me her non-stable reactions. I would understand his point, Renee was always an emotional mess, and that was the last thing I'd want in my life right now, being a mess myself.
Renee would have to stay with us. Charlie said she didn't get along with Sue well. That meant we had to act like everything was normal, she would have to stay at the children's room and Jacob would have to appear staying with me. I was nervous about that, but I wouldn't show any discomfort. Jacob had done too much to me by now and I promised myself; I'd kill my self a million times before hurting him again.
Jacob went with Charlie to pick my mother at the airport. I was cooking a special dinner for the whole family. I loved it when we had friends or family over. Sue and Leah will be joining too.
My meeting with Renee was joyful. I had missed her so much. She didn't look older and I was impressed. She was deeply in love with Little Harry after five minutes of spending time with him. She said she can never have enough grandchildren and the thought made me tremble.
I observed how friendly Renee and Jacob were together. Jacob knew my mom so well and treated her like a princess and she would – as always – love it. It was also noticeable she thanked Jacob several times for supporting me and making me happy. Jacob would adorably blush at her compliments, and I enjoyed watching his shy smiles.
After dinner, we enjoyed an outdoor night in the full moon summer night. I looked at the faces around me, and felt a strong sense of belonging. Everyone around loved me and I was so grateful.
When Charlie, Sue and Leah left it was already very late. Serena had already slept and Harry was dozing off in Jacob's arms. I guided my mom to Serena's room and asked her if she would need anything. I then went to the bathroom and changed into my sleeping clothes there.
Jacob was placing Harry in the bed.
"Shh" he said as I opened the door loudly.
"Oops sorry" I smiled
Jacob sat on the bed, and then patted the place beside him.
"Are you up to a small talk before you sleep?"
I nodded
"How are you feeling Bells? I know I never ask you but I want you to know that I worry so much about you, I'm just always afraid to say the wrong words"
I sat beside him on the bed we were both sitting our backs on the pillows both staring at the wall in front of us.
"I'm fine Jake, much more better, really."
Jacob didn't say anything; I knew he wanted to know more.
"Jake, I relate to this life, it does feel like the only life I ever had."
He smiled, put his hand on mine for a quick rub, and then stood up like he was leaving.
"Where are you going?" I asked him
"I'm going wolf tonight, to sleep in the woods"
"No Jake, you need a good sleep, you had a hectic day and we have another long family day at Billy's tomorrow"
"Bella it's Ok I know you are nervous, and to be honest it's not for the best if I sleep with you on the same bed"
"It's Ok Jacob-"
"I'm not sure I will be able to.. you know.. be good" he said shyly.
His face was lit by the nightstand, he looked at the floor and it was so cute. I had an urgent feeling to pull my self closer and stroke his face, but I stayed where I was.
He took off his shirt off, threw it on the floor and headed towards the window. I meant to stop him on the spot but I was taken by how perfect his back was.
I cleared my thought.
"Wait Jake" I could say at last, I'll prepare you a bedding on the floor"
I convinced him to stay, and sleep on the floor. Jacob was in deep sleep in a few minutes, but I couldn't sleep at first. I was enjoying staring at sleeping Jacob.
Jacob was so generous with me. He was bearing the unbearable for a selfish person like me. He looked helpless in his sleep and I felt that urge to protect him from the whole world. I moved myself to the floor beside him, stroked his silky hair. I couldn't resist the warmth of his body, so I just fell asleep on his bare chest.
I woke up in my bed. Harry was beside me sleeping, and Jacob wasn't around. I smelt eggs cooking. I knew by now Jacob's special omelets by smell. I moved Harry to the crib and prepared myself to go down.
Jacob was singing, while Renee and Serena mocked his terrible voice. I laughed along. When he heard my laugh, he locked his eyes to mine, looked at me and said
"Morning, beautiful"
Jacob was obviously in a good mood. I felt some satisfaction in knowing me falling asleep in his arms had this effect on him. I went straight to the kitchen and helped him prepare breakfast. He was back to casually touching me whenever he could but this time it felt so familiar and nice.
Harry – as usual – woke up and cried in the middle of the meal and Jacob volunteered to go up and bring him over. As soon as he left the table, Renee leaned and whispered to my ears "Jake is in a very good mood, did you have one of those nights," She was teasing.
"Mom" I glared at her.
"Yes, yes, I know, you keep on saying Jacob has impressive hearing abilities but sorry baby, he's upstairs with a crying baby there's no way he can listen"
"Mom, please"
"I just can't help but notice how sexy and amazing your husband is, Bella. Tell me how many times you did it"
"He'll be here now, stop it"
"What, you broke the record?" she said and winked.
We had a record and my mother knew, beautiful.
Jacob came down choking with laughter, I immediately knew he had heard. He acted like he was laughing at Harry. Renee was immediately distracted and asked to hold Harry so Jacob gave him to her.
I was trying to make myself busy by clearing the table when Jacob came closer to my back, put his arms around me, and whispered "Our record is 4 times in one night" he then kissed my neck and my body tingled all over.
