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It was deep into the night- the moon was big and glowing with only a few clouds hanging in the sky next to the stars. I sat on the porch of a tiny farmhouse. The old floorboards squeaked every time I shifted, and I felt a nail that wasn't hammered all the way in dig into my leg through the old, pink dress I wore that's survived since the time of the pioneers. I fiddled with the small rag doll in my hands. Her red, yarn hair rested around her face in wild curls while my brown hair was pulled up into pigtails. To my left was a large field of corn with a lone scarecrow standing tall above it. A light breeze made the crops sway. Next to the field, a pigpen and cowpen hugged a large barn. To my right sat an elderly couple. They rocked back and forth on rocking chairs. The old man stared forward and chewed on the end of a small wheat stalk. The woman devoted her attention to peeling a wicker basket of potatoes. She paused to smile at me and pat my head.
The wind began to pick up. We heard a high-pitched whirring, and we turned our heads in the direction. A silver and black UFO rose from above the barn and made its way over to the cowpen. It traveled in an arc, swooping low to the ground in front of us and kicking loose blades of grass into the air. Most of the cows fled, but one remained in its spot and watched curiously. The UFO's underbelly opened, and a giant metal claw, similar to something from an arcade game, reached down and plucked the cow from the pen.
The old man rose to his feet, reached up, and ripped his face off, revealing Robin.
"Titans, go!"
Finally. I hopped to my feet and ripped off the dress, thankful for it being tear-away. I reached up, took off the wig, and shook my braid out. I tossed the costume into a big pile and reached my hand out to the woman. She burst with star energy, and Starfire grabbed my hand and lifted us both into the sky. The scarecrow from the field exploded, and Raven emerged from the straw. Beast Boy, hidden in the pigpen, transformed into a T-Rex. The barn doors flew open, and Robin drove out on the R-Cycle. The back of the captured cow opened like a hatch, and Cyborg stood up and fired his sonic cannon at the claws, taking out two and holding onto the third. He propelled himself onto the top and held on while the robot cow hit the ground and sputtered with electricity.
The UFO, sensing Cyborg, began to fly sporadically in the air in attempts to throw him off. It shot electric lasers at those of us chasing after it. While Starfire dodged them, I flailed around in the air, narrowly dodging the lasers. I pulled out an energy pistol and changed it into a gauntlet. I thrust my hand toward the UFO and fire a laser at it. The UFO dodged it, and the laser nearly grazed Cyborg's ear.
"Hey! Watch where you're aiming!" Cyborg cried.
"Make it hold still, then!" I said.
"What do you think I'm trying to do?!" The UFO began doing consecutive loop-de-loops.
We chased the UFO into the city. I glanced behind me and noticed Beast Boy was missing, left behind somewhere behind us. Robin took his place in the sky, utilizing his cape and special rockets on the bottom of his boots to fly beside the rest of us.
Cyborg drove his fist into the UFO. Electricity sparked and smoke billowed from the hood. The UFO came to a screeching halt, launching Cyborg into the side of a building. He smashed into it, knocking off chunks of cement that fell down with him. On the sidewalk below, civilians stared up and gasped. Raven used her magic to halt the falling debris. Starfire flew low to the ground and let go of my hand. I landed on my feet, letting gravity push me into a somersault, and placed a hand on the ground to keep me still. Robin and Starfire flew under the debris and gathered the people underneath out of the way, clearing the sidewalk and allowing Raven to released the debris and let it fall to the ground.
Cyborg emerged from the debris and brushed pieces of cement off his shoulders. I heard panting, and I turned my head to see Beast Boy limp over to my side, hunched over and sweating profusely. I patted his shoulder, which resulted in Beast Boy teetering forward and falling to the ground. I cringed apologetically and brought my hand back to my side.
"Where'd the UFO go?" Robin said.
"I don't know. It just disappeared." Cyborg said, standing up and joining the rest of us. "But check out what I did find: breakfast!"
Cyborg gestured to the large fast food restaurant behind him. The large sign read, "MEGA MEATY MEAT" with a large cow propped on the top. At the same time, true to the show's anime-styled moments, the moon disappeared and the sun replaced it, changing from night to day in a second. I squinted from the sudden light.
"You really think now is a good time for this?" Robin said.
"There couldn't be a better time! It'll be a great way to celebrate the all-nighter we just pulled." Cyborg said.
"The only thing I want to celebrate it with is a nap." Beast Boy said. "Don't ever expect me to step foot into that grease factory."
"Suit yourself. There'll be plenty more food for me!" Cyborg scurried into the restaurant. Beast Boy gagged.
"We can eat later. We've got to head back to the Tower and find that UFO... again." Robin said.
Robin pulled up a picture of the UFO hovering over the barn, which was taken the night before during our stakeout. He leaned back in his chair and turned to face me and Raven. Raven floated in the middle of the room, her nose deep in a book while I sat on the kitchen counter, twirling one of my pistols in my hand (which took months of frustration and multiple times of nearly shooting myself to perfect).
"Okay. Info. Go." Robin said.
The doors flew open, and Beast Boy marched inside with a magazine in his hands.
"Awesome news, everyone! I've got the proposition of a lifetime that'll greatly benefit this team!" Beast Boy said. "We've got the T-Car, the T-Ship, and the R-Cycle, but I say it's time for a new addition to Titans transportation!" Beast Boy opened the magazine in his hands and showed us a three-page picture of a moped. "Introducing... the B-Ped!"
"Why do you need a moped? You can fly." Raven said.
"Well... My arms get tired. I'm the only one that has to really rely on muscle power. It's only natural that I run out of steam. I need something that'll make things easier!"
"We have a gym in the Tower. Use that."
"Sorry, Beast Boy, but we can't splurge on your moped." Robin said.
"That's not fair!" Beast Boy pouted.
"If you want a moped so badly, you can always get a job." I said.
Beast Boy's ears perked up and he grinned.
"Gotta go!" Beast Boy ran out of the room, leaving his "Hot Ride" magazine on the floor.
"Great, you gave him an idea." Raven said.
"If this were the original episode, you'd be the one to tell him that." I said. Raven peeked up from her book. Robin cleared his throat. "Right. I would just like to say that today is one of those weird episodes in the series. Of course, it does focus on Beast Boy, so it makes sense. The UFO is the responsibility an alien species called Newfu. They're targeting farms because they need cows to power up their technology so they can blow up the Earth."
"Newfu? Like tofu?" Robin said. "And why do they want to blow up the planet?"
"Wish I knew. I think it's purely out of spite."
The alarms went off. Robin turned around in his chair and typed a few keys on the keyboard, bringing up the radar. Cyborg and Starfire hurried into the room.
"The UFO's back." Robin said.
"Where has Beast Boy gone?" Starfire said.
"He's off doing something. We'll have to handle things without him. Titans, move!"
"Okay, Titans, just like we planned." Robin said as he steered the R-Cycle, the UFO cruising in front of us.
Starfire and Raven flew ahead, meeting with Cyborg as he fell from the top of a building. They grabbed him and flew after the UFO. Robin swerved into the nearest building. The people inside threw themselves against the walls to avoid getting hit. I shouted my apologies as we passed by. The number of floors climbed higher every few seconds until we reached the sixth floor. I saw the UFO start to fly by the window directly in front of us. Gripping Robin's shoulders, I ducked my head as we flew through the window, the shriek of shattering glass making my ears ring. The motorcycle slammed into the side of the UFO, causing it to stop and spiral and allow Starfire and Raven to drop Cyborg onto it. The UFO took off again.
Robin revved the engine and whirled the motorcycle around, leaving skid marks in the asphalt. I saw flashes of blue, black, and green from the others firing at the UFO. We chased it to the bridge. Robin steered the R-Cycle onto the bridge's support cable. Raven cast a barrier of magic to prevent the UFO from escaping.
"Get ready." Robin called over his shoulder. At the top of the bridge, the R-Cycle launched off. I pulled out my energy pistols and transformed them into my bazooka. Robin tossed a disc at the UFO. Upon impact, the disc exploded and covered the spaceship in a thick layer of ice. I fired a laser at the UFO, making it nose-dive into the ground. Cyborg drove his fist into the UFO, shattering the ice and bringing it to a stop.
We gathered in front of the spaceship. Cyborg summoned his sonic cannon, tore a hole through the steel, and aimed.
"Uh... You guys should see this." Cyborg said. He pulled the steel apart more, allowing us to peer inside. A cow bellowed in surprise. Strange machinery was strapped to it and kept it in place. Cyborg ripped the machinery off, and the cow walked out and away.
"So the cows are also used to power the Newfu's UFO?" Raven said.
Shadows flew over us, and we looked up and saw a fleet of UFOs fly toward us. The hum of an engine followed shortly after, and Beast Boy pulled up next to us on a moped.
"I need to borrow you." Beast Boy grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto the back of the moped.
"Wait-" I said, but Beast Boy stepped on the gas, leaving the others to deal with the UFOs. "I guess you need help with saving the world?"
"Maybe a little. Here." Beast Boy reached over his shoulder and handed me a water gun. I gave it a few cranks. "There they are!"
I looked ahead and saw a wave of Newfu Bobs blocking the street. Each wore overzealous smiles. Beast Boy brought the B-Ped to a stop.
"Hiya, Tommy! So glad you came back to be destroyed!" they all said simultaneously.
"I'll drive while you shoot." Beast Boy said, revving the engine. I nodded and held the water gun in both arms. We drove toward the army of Bobs. As we barreled through them, I sprayed each one with water, reducing the Bobs into mounds of Newfu.
"This is definitely the weirdest episode I've been in." I said.
"Now we need to save all the cows and stop the giant bomb that threatens to blow up the planet. So... I was thinking that I could take care of the cows and you take care of the bomb."
"What?!"
"Pleeease?"
I grumbled under my breath. "Fine, but you owe me."
We drove into Mega Meaty Meat and to the very back. I hopped off the B-Ped and stared at the giant bomb hanging from the ceiling.
"Thanks again. Good luck!" Beast Boy drove into the next room.
I sighed and summoned my energy sword. I thrust it into the bomb's outer layer. The blade sunk through easily. I carved a hole into it and crawled inside. The inside was wide and empty, with an "ON/OFF" switch on the other side. I walked over and pulled the switch; I couldn't help but brace myself. I heard machinery power down, and the lights inside dimmed. I sighed in relief.
"You couldn't think it would be better to take these cows somewhere... else?" Robin leaned away from one of the cows that threatened to lick his face.
"All these cows are making me hungry." Cyborg said. "I'll be right back."
"No amount of meditation is going to wipe all of this from my brain." Raven said.
"Don't focus on the cows! We saved the world, guys!" Beast Boy said from the couch as he flipped through TV channels. "At least we don't have to worry about the Newfu anymore."
I gasped and turned toward the kitchen. "Wait!" I cried.
Cyborg poked his head above the refrigerator door. "What?"
I crawled through the mess of cows and over to the fridge. I reached inside and pulled out The Source, who had a strip of tape over its mouth and its body covered in barbecue sauce.
"Oh, yeah, what are we going to do about that thing?" Beast Boy said.
"Maybe something other than Cyborg eating it." I said, setting The Source on the counter. It tried to speak, but the tape forbade it.
"That's the alien tofu? It looked like cubed meat." Cyborg said. He gagged. "I'm not hungry anymore."
