Chapter 15

Bella

They say time heals everything, but in my family's current situation, this was further from the truth on many aspects, and for many reasons. It did take Jacob more time than expected to fully recover, on the physical side, but he did eventually. The disaster was his mental state, he was driving himself, myself and everybody insane, and there was nothing that I could do about it.

I did my best not to reflect this stress on my children. The first thing to do was moving them back to their room. Serena fell back into her own system; school, homework, doll-time, some TV, then her bedtime story and sleep. I kept my promise and shielded her from all the worries and problems that were tearing me apart and she was getting calmer and happier. I was glad she was spending much less time with Jacob, since he was escaping her, but it might have been better for her and for everyone.

Harry's crib was also moved to the kids' room. I told Jacob he was growing now and ought to sleep longer at nights, but the truth is I wanted my baby away from the new Jacob blues too. Also, if I were completely honest, I kind of was offering myself an exit card to the children's room whenever I was close to exploding.

Jacob's day have been shifted. He slept all mornings, and woke up when everybody was asleep, he wouldn't eat, sit or socialize with us. He would get out of our bedroom to perform the least possible amount of human activities. He was silent most of the times and his sunny smile was long gone.

On the very rare occasions that Jacob would talk, he would give me blaming comment, or frantically share his fear about the future, or just curse the Cullens and wish he would kill them all. Some nights, he would leave bed at night, go outside, then return frustrated. He never told me but I knew, no matter how hard he hid it from me, I knew he was trying to reconnect with the wolf.

I assumed Jacob had asked them not to, because everyone was keeping it from me. But I wasn't that stupid, I could figure out that something old Quil had told Jake had made him hopeful about shifting and being wolf again. This realization should have made me happier but due to the disappointment I saw daily in my husband's eyes, I wasn't. I wished he could just give up and live the new circumstances.

Jacob stopped going to work, which meant we were short in terms of money. Lizzie tried to manage by her own as much as possible, but alone it wasn't profitable enough, so it had to be terminated. Charlie, Billy and Rachel would help us by buying us weekly groceries, clothes for the kids and some school supplies. They started to do it in the form of gifts after I refused direct money from Rachel. I knew Jacob never liked this, but there was absolutely nothing else to be done, and that was why I started searching jobs.


Sam would pass by our house daily at 9:00 pm. He came to update Jacob on the pack and the safety of the reservation. Jacob met him for a couple of times, then he stopped and would just ask me to receive the updates for Sam. Though Jacob ignored him, Sam would still be prompt about those meetings.

"You don't have to bother coming every single day, Sam" I told him one of those days. "You are always welcomed, but if it's a hassle, maybe you can just text him the updates."

"I know Bella," He replied, "But, I understand how out of control he feels and how he might really need to feel that, as an alpha, he is being informed officially"

He lowered his voice when he said that, and I gave him a sad smile.

"Thanks, Sam. We are lucky to have you!" I said before I broke down, stumbled on the couch and cried.

"Oh Bella, I am so sorry, I don't know how to help you" he said sympathetically.

"I just don't know what to do anymore" I said, "Jake never shut me out before" I said crying harder.

"It will be alright Bella," he sighed then added "Guess we will have to show him we are around and absorb his attitude."

I wiped away my tears, and tried to distract myself by opening new topics for conversation.

"How's Emily?" I asked, "How is she with coming back here?"

"She is fine…" he replied, "In a way" he added "She is driving me crazy."

"Oh sorry" I said, "Is that because of…" and I became scared to mention the name.

"Yeah," he said "I'm sure Leah's now much better, and I know, being in her mind, all the hurt she feels is due the harshness of the experience, more than her still having feelings for me. Emily can't see that but I have no other option, she has to cope with the situation. You know that pack is family, you can't cut someone off"

"Yeah" I said, "Maybe we can spend some women time together, I'm sure Leah is 100% changed"

"Maybe" he said "Anyway, don't bother now, you have your share of problems right now"

He slightly laughed nervously then excused me after he wrote some notes for Jacob on a paper.

"I could hear you chatting with the new alpha"

I shook with surprise, Jacob's words to me were mostly replies these days.

"Whoa, Jake, you startled me" I said.

"So used to Uley's talks these days?" he asked bitterly.

"Jake" I said calmly, moving closer to him "Can you please try to be easier."

He didn't storm away which was a good sign, he let me rub his arms and the anger faded somehow and his breaths were getting even. I figured every single time we tried to talk it would end up in an ugly fight, so I tried another approach.

I moved my hands up and down his arms, then up to his neck, and moved my lips closer to him. I figured he wasn't moving so I kissed whatever I could reach on my lips level which was his chest.

"Jake" I said "Please… I miss you!"

He moved his hands to my back, then to my waist. He bent down to kiss me, a confused, trembling kiss, then carried me through the stairs up to our room.

On our bed, Jacob was different. Since Harry's birth and my memory problems we hadn't made love and I had missed him terribly. Apparently, he did too, because the energy-less Jacob was gone while my strong husband loved me like all this craziness hadn't happened.

"Wow" I said after we were done. "Is that how we always used to be?" I giggled.

"Oh yes" he said, "better even."

"Liar, it can't be better" I was pillowing his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"No, I don't lie" he said pulling me out of his embrace, getting off the bed. "Jacob, don't go!" I begged "Please stop concentrating on the damn wolf and just try to love what we have today."

"Stop telling me how to feel, Bella" he replied firmly.

"I'm not" I replied, "I know it hurts, I know you feel helpless, but Jake you have us, you have your family, your friends"

He was silent so I went on, with tears falling from my eyes.

"Jake look what you have lost, your work, your relationship with your kids, try to focus and save your life, it's mendable"

"It's damn not, nothing can be fixed," He screamed "You will never understand, I can't let it go Bella, I can't even sleep at night… I can lose everything in one second just because I am not strong enough."

If he could, Jake would have shifted now. Since he couldnt, he just left the room, then I hurt the house's door's loud bang. I was wrapping my head around how he left me again with my tears.


Leah let herself in, she called my name loudly.

"Shhh, the kids are in bed" I said from the kitchen, as I was washing the dishes.

She met me in the kitchen and gave me a hug.

"I heard it was hard" she said as she patted my shoulder.

"What?" I asked with confusion, she gave me a sly smile so I knew she meant what had happened some time ago with Jacob, then asked:

"How?"

"Embry was watching the house, he heard every bit of it!"

"Every bit?" I asked feeling my cheeks go red.

"Oh yes" She laughed.

"Are we like "always" watched?" I asked stressing on the word always

"Yeah, Sam's order, he thinks it will make Jake feel better, knowing you are protected all the time."

"Oh" I said accompanying her to the living room "nothing's ought to make Jake feel better these days, even good sex" I said sarcastically. I then decided it was Leah's turn to blush, because I have been noticing something.

"So, Embry heard or whatever, and you are here minutes later? Seems like two people are becoming like two peas in a pot."

Leah blushed more than expected, she gestured for me to shut up.

"Lower your voice Bella, he is still outside"

"Oh, so something is happening there?" I said in a hushed voice

"Yeah, we decided to give it a try, but Bella, no one knows, so please..."

I zipped my lips and smiled at her,

"I'm so happy for you Leah, he is such a caring person"

Leah rubbed in arm and said

"I know"

"I really wish I can help you, Bella" she then added

"Nothing to be done…" I said

We stayed quiet for a moment so I added,

"Unless the wolf is back" I said, "I wish I can just help him bring the damn wolf"

I never shared those thoughts out loud, since everyone seemed persistent to keep it from me.

Leah opened her mouth, then shut it. She had a painful look on her face.

"What is it Leah?" I asked suspiciously, seems like Leah can help me after all "Do you know something I don't?"

She nodded, and again she couldn't talk, she reminded me of something. Oh no, she was exactly like young Jacob who was trying to hide his wolf side from me, under Sam's orders.

So there was an order!

"Did Jake order you?" I asked, confused again.

"Sam." She said and gave a large relief sigh like it was such hard work to say this three letters word.

"I have to leave Bella sorry!"

Leah ran away fast, and typically I couldn't catch her.

I thought about that conversation for a moment, and started gathering the bits and pieces. So, I knew Jake had some hope after meeting with Old Quil, and I knew he made Sam order the pack not to talk to me about it. Apparently, something might be done that may bring his wolf back, something he wouldn't want me to know…

I reached an easy conclusion, but first I need confirmation. I knew pack members won't be able to give me an answer. So I decided on going to the one person who must know everything, and might give me a reply…

I knew I shouldn't wait any longer, because when Leah phases everyone will know about our conversation. I had to act fast and I knew Embry was around, so I left my kids sleeping at the house and headed to my father in law's.