p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian ended up finding Mariah half sitting in a hammock, her feet still planted on the ground, holding her face while her body shook with her tears. Sebastian felt incredibly uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do, but he knew he had to do something./p
p class="MsoNormal"He cleared his throat, "Uh, I'm not entirely sure what happened that made you cry like this, but I'm sorry if it was my fault."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah snuffled, taking in a shaky breath, "I keep thinking I'm done and then something else comes up. It is hormones mostly."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry," Sebastian said, kicking at the dirt, "Is there anything I can do to help?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why'd you say that?" Mariah asked as she wiped at her tears, "Back there. To Morgan."/p
p class="MsoNormal""The best big sister thing?" He asked, and Mariah nodded, "I don't actually know," he admitted, "It just sort of came out of me. It wasn't even a conscious thought. Why? Did I do something wrong? Should I not have said that?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah hiccupped, "No, no, nothing like that," she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, "Morgan had some feelings when she realized what it would be like to not be an only child any more. So we started working with her on the good things about having a sibling. You tapped into some of your happier childhood memories with Maru from when you were really young before the rivalry between you had really set in and talked to her about how important she would be as a big sister. You and Maru did a bunch of 'big sister training' to help get her ready and feel excited about the baby again. So the mantra just sort of became 'You're going to be the best big sister'. Morgan loves it so much that sometimes she'll do things to get you to say it, but in this over exaggerated way that sends her into this giggling fit."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So it's not that it was bad that I said it, but it made you happy that I said it," Sebastian stated, hoping for the clarification./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes and no," Mariah said, "Yes, it made me happy to hear it, but it also was like a slap in the face because for that split second things were normal again but they're not. And I had a truly horrendous thought yesterday that I'm still trying to deal with and that triggered my complete self-loathing for having the thought in the first place."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm really sorry," Sebastian said sincerely, "I know how shitty that feels. I know I don't really know you, but you seem like a good person. So whatever it was, I'm sure it wasn't you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah buried her face in her hands, crying harder all over again. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Oh fuck you made it worse./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""I, uh, um….do you want me to get Sam or something?" Sebastian offered, "Will that help?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah vehemently shook her head no, croaking out a, "Please don't."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't know what to do to help," Sebastian confessed, "I feel like I keep making things worse."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's not your fault," Mariah said, or at least he assumed that's what she said. That's what it sounded like but it was hard to hear though her tears./p
p class="MsoNormal""Would it be better if I left you alone?" Sebastian asked, "Or is there something I can get you? Or do for you? Do you want to talk about it maybe?" em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Way to offer her too many choices at once asshole. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm afraid of what you'd do if I told you," Mariah said, "It's so selfish of me, but I'm not sure I want you to know it exists."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I already feel like I don't know anything," Sebastian said, "If that makes it any better."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't want you to think I'm terrible either," Mariah added./p
p class="MsoNormal""Do you want to know what I remembered earlier when I was talking to Sam?" Sebastian asked. Mariah shrugged, but looked up at him, "We were talking about you. I asked Sam to tell me about you since I felt awkward asking you about yourself. Which I guess is kind of stupid, that's how you normally get to know someone right? Anyway," he shook his head, "He mentioned your mom died when you were young, and it was like the big sister thing, where I just blurted it out and I corrected him saying that she was murdered. I didn't want to tell you when we were talking about it because how do you tell someone that's what you remember about them? I don't remember you, but I know that your mother was murdered. And I know how stressed you already are and I didn't want to make you feel worse by bringing it up, but apparently I've made you feel worse anyway without trying."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Still not your fault," Mariah was quiet, but her tears slowed./p
p class="MsoNormal""But I suck at doing anything to make it better," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Honestly I don't think you could make it better," Mariah said with sincerity in her voice, "I'm a very physically affectionate person, and that's what I want from you more than anything in the world. Except I don't want it from you. Because you're not. And you don't know me. And it would make you feel uncomfortable and wouldn't be genuine. So then I would feel even worse if you did even try because I would feel bad about making you uncomfortable."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Is that something I would normally do?" he asked./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah nodded her head, "Once you got comfortable with me and our relationship you were always affectionate in private. Around other people we barely did anything more than hold hands. I think it was fueled by my nature, but you would seek it from me too."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yesterday morning when you touched me it made me feel warm," he said, "In a good way. I think it would have been very comforting if I hadn't been on the verge of a panic attack all morning and you weren't a complete stranger. It almost felt like coming home if that makes any sense. So I might not remember and feel weird about it mentally, but my body remembers."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah snorted, "That was a sweet sentiment but the phrasing. Yeesh."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian rolled his eyes, "Can I sit next to you?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah looked at the space next to her on the hammock and nodded her head./p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't have to," Sebastian said, sitting beside her, "But if you want to tell me you can. I won't judge you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian I started crying earlier just because you said you'd be willing to get to know me," Mariah said, "So keep that in mind."/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's what got you started crying?" he asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well it was the fact that you pointed out that I was barely holding myself together that was what did it, but I don't think I would have lasted much longer anyway," Mariah said, "But yup. Basically. I mean it's complicated, but yes."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's just normal human decency," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Like I said, it's complicated. You don't owe me anything. Look at what you're going through and how well you're managing everything. Seriously. You have every right to be a completely closed off mess right now," Mariah said, "I'm truly impressed by you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian blushed, "I kind of think that's more the me that you know shining through than me myself. That's the only way I've been able to rationalize my behavior. I'm surprised I'm not closed off either."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So the witch," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Fucking cunt," Sebastian muttered./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah let out a dry chuckle, "Not that Rasmodius is a saint, but she does a lot more dark magic type stuff. Do you remember yesterday when we went to the tower and he started asking me a question and I snapped at him saying I would never?" Sebastian nodded in confirmation, "Well one of the spells one can, hmmm, purchase, from her is the erasure of a former spouse's memory. That's what he was asking me about. Like I would fucking ever do that. And what kind of sense does it make that I would do that and then be so confused and come asking for help? Besides which I'm pretty sure the magic only works when someone is divorced."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Is that what you bad thought was about?" Sebastian asked, "And the information you didn't want me to know?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Hmmm, not exactly. It gets worse," Mariah said, "Because she gets worse. Her magic offerings are just…terrible. And for the record, I would never, strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"ever,/strong do this, I was just in a really low place when the thought crossed my mind. I would also never erase someone's memory just because our relationship didn't work. Fucking stupid shit if you ask me, and I swear I'm not just saying that because of what you're experiencing. "/p
p class="MsoNormal""I didn't think you would," Sebastian assured her./p
p class="MsoNormal""Anyway," she sighed, "As I was saying, one of the other spells you can get from her is to turn your children into doves. And oh Yoba," she said, starting to cry again, "Uggg I can't even say it without crying. Fuck I hate myself so much."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You thought about it," he filled in for her./p
p class="MsoNormal"She nodded, "Not for like right now. It was more of, well if this situation stays this fucked up at least I've got that option. I was just overwhelmed and in so much emotional pain and I couldn't imagine living my life with kids but not him. But they're my kids and I love them more than anything in the world. I couldn't do that. I hate that I even know it's a thing that exists. And I feel so guilty looking at Morgan and knowing I had that thought even if it was only for a second. Yoba it breaks my heart thinking about it. And I haven't even met this one yet but I already have so much love for him."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's a boy?" Sebastian asked, "I thought I heard Sam say nephew."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah laughed, though she didn't sound amused, "I don't actually know. Sam is completely convinced that it's a boy. I think we picked it up from him."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian nodded but didn't say anything./p
p class="MsoNormal""You must think I'm horrible," Mariah said softly looking down at her feet, "What kind of mother ever had a thought like that?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't think you're horrible," Sebastian said, "I'm sure I would have had the same thought if I were in your shoes. And I believe you when you said you wouldn't do it. My therapist told me once that when we're experiencing an extreme stress situation that it's natural for some people to have these kinds of thoughts that we would normally never think because our brain is simply trying to find us an out without fully processing anything."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well Dr. Tan is a smart woman," Mariah sighed./p
p class="MsoNormal""And for the record, I would never do either of those things either. You don't need to worry about it," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you," she said, still unwilling to look at him./p
p class="MsoNormal"They were quiet for a minute until Sebastian spoke again, "So do we have names picked out?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Kai for a boy, Ruby for a girl," Mariah said her face softening, "If you don't like them don't tell me. Pretend like they're the best names ever."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian laughed, "No, need to pretend. I like them. Although if I get my memory back after the baby is born and you're just messing with me to get the name you wanted I'm gonna be pissed."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Nah," Mariah shook her head, "Although if it is a girl, Robin will be pissed that we named our first daughter after my mother and we didn't name the second one after her."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I was about to argue with you to defend my mother's honor, but you're probably right. And she doesn't even really like her name. So let's just hope Sam's right," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah laughed, "Despite his lack of dating experience at the time, Sam gave you a lot of really insightful advice when we first got together. In fact he told me once that you'd texted him after we'd been making out telling him never to talk to you again because you kept thinking that he was right while we were kissing. So he might be right. He might have some freaky kind of gift."/p
p class="MsoNormal""That is a memory I'm glad I don't have. Why I would have been thinking of Sam with someone as beautiful as you in front of me makes no damn sense," Sebastian immediately began to blush when he realized what he'd said, "Sorry. I mean…yeah. I'm just sorry. That was….not cool."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah laughed, "Considering I caught you checking me out yesterday morning it's not a big deal. It's nice to know that you're still into me, especially this far along."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well no shit. I lost my memory but I'm not blind," Sebastian said, "I'm just incredibly skilled at saying and doing stupid shit."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I see you in a different light," Mariah said. She took a deep breath, "There's a couple of things I should do around here, but I'm okay. Thank you. I'll be back in soon."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Want me to come with you?" Sebastian asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't have to," Mariah said, pushing herself up. "You go hang out with Sam."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You said you would show me stuff around the farm," Sebastian pointed out. "Maybe I can help."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian I'm not going to ask you to do that," she shook her head, "You just sat with me through a mini-meltdown. You've done enough. Take a break."/p
p class="MsoNormal"The thought of a break was appealing. Since waking up the previous morning he was living in a constantly emotionally drained state./p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't have to think about it so hard," Mariah said, "I know you're tapped out. You don't need to push through it right now. Go play Solorian with Sam or something. Try to have some fun and relax. You deserve it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian sighed and Mariah began walking away from him, "I don't feel like I should," he called after her, "I feel like I need to be working on fixing the problem."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You'll think clearer after doing something different for a while," she called over her shoulder at him, "Take the break Sebastian."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He watched her walking away, a confusing swirl of emotions rolling through him. He sighed once more, heading back towards the house./p
p class="MsoNormal""Girls are napping," Sam said when Sebastian came back inside, "Where's Mariah? Is she okay?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Doing some farm work," Sebastian said, "Told me to take a break and relax. Suggested we play Solorian. I'm not sure how she is. She opened up to me a little bit. She stopped crying. Ultimately I think maybe I helped, but I feel like I also started by making things worse. I'm no good at this stuff. I don't know how to talk to people. And she basically said I can't comfort her because what makes her feel better is physical affection and that even if I tried it would make her feel worse because she knows that I would be uncomfortable with it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam nodded, "It won't be the same, but I'll give her extra hugs. Did you want to play Solorian? I can help you set up the game."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah," Sebastian nodded, "That sounds good."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'll pick a shorter scenario for us," Sam said, "Maybe Mariah can play too. Unless you don't want her to. It's just better with at least three people, ya know?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh, sure. We can ask," Sebastian said, "I'm okay with that."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam went upstairs and Sebastian trailed after. Sam pulled the game out and put the box on the table./p
p class="MsoNormal""What does Mariah usually play as?" Sebastian asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""A healer," Sam answered, "Did you want to play our normal characters and just pause the campaign we're working on now, or did you want to just use generic ones?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Um, maybe just generic ones. I don't want to spoil anything for myself or ruin something we were working on," Sebastian replied./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Sam said as he flitted through the scenario cards, "Here's a good one," he passed it to Sebastian./p
p class="MsoNormal""Dreadlord Xarth?" Sebastian looked over the card, "I don't remember this one. Looks good."/p
p class="MsoNormal""We haven't played it in ages, I don't really remember it either," Sam said, "But I know it isn't too long."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian could hear the front door and Mariah talking to the dog. Sam went down the stairs and Sebastian hesitated before following. When he got down there Sam had Mariah wrapped up in a big hug. He felt a twinge of jealousy in his gut. He felt like he was interrupting something and regretted coming down the stairs./p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you Sam," Mariah's voice was soft./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sam said pulling back and looking down at her stomach, "Hello to you too."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""No need to apologize," Sam said, "My nephew just wanted some attention for his uncle."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah rolled her eyes, "Or niece."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Nephew. I'm telling you," Sam said with a smirk./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay jackass," Mariah said, "I'm not saying you're wrong. All I'm saying is we won't know for sure until the baby is here. Oh Yoba," she said with a flinch, "That'll be my bladder. Sam can you do me a huge favor and go check the casks?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sure," Sam said, "Are you expecting any to be done?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sure some of the cheese is done," Mariah said as she went into the bathroom, "There's some more in the fridge that can go in. Not sure about the wine."/p
p class="MsoNormal""On it," Sam said./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian took a couple of steps over to his friend, "So, um, show me what you're doing."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sure," Sam said, "It's pretty easy."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He lead him down to the basement that was filled with long rows of casks./p
p class="MsoNormal""Whoa," Sebastian breathed out, "That's a lot of wine and cheese."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam chuckled, "Yeah it is. Very valuable. Your kids will be able to go to whatever colleges they want to, if they want to. So it's real easy. You go over and look at the top of each one and there's a note with what's in it, when it was put in and when it reaches its peak completion. The wine takes about two seasons. Cheese is about half a season. Obviously you can take stuff out whenever and it's still good, this is just to make it the highest quality. The back two rows are wine and the front two are cheese. It's all staggered, I forget which way but all you really have to do is look at dates. If something is done you take the top off, take it out, and then something else can go in. There's a basket over there to put the aged stuff in so you don't get confused. Since I've got the cheese, why don't you go check the wines? If anything is done just leave the top off and we can get some new ones to put in."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Sebastian nodded. He started with the farthest back row and could hear Sam humming to himself and drumming on the wood as he went. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"At least some things didn't change./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah was standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water when they came back upstairs. Sam put the basket of aged cheese on the counter and put the rest of the cheese he didn't put in the casks in the fridge./p
p class="MsoNormal""Want to play Solorian with us?" Sam asked, "We're just doing a short one with generic characters."/p
p class="MsoNormal""A short one?" Mariah asked, "Yeah I can manage that. Then I think I'm going to lie down if you guys don't mind."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah we can manage the girls when they wake up," Sam said, "Right Seb?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Er yeah," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""If you're not up for it I don't mind taking them to the beach or something," Sam said, "Give you both a break."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Let's just play and I'll see where I'm at," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""After you guys," Mariah gestured to the stairs./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nah, I'll go behind you to push you up the steps when you get too tired," Sam said./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah rolled her eyes, "Just go jackass. I may be pregnant and tired, but I could still drop you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Maybe I just wanted to check you out," Sam suggested, "You ever think of that?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Samson," Mariah sounded exasperated, "I thought we were beyond the me turning you down part of our relationship. Long beyond."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What does em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"that/em mean?" Sebastian said turning around on the stairs to look at them./p
p class="MsoNormal""Um," Sam rubbed at the back of his neck, his face flush, "Before you guys started dating, actually before I even knew you had a crush on her, or she had a crush on you, although I didn't find that out officially until you were like dating so I guess that's not the best time marker? Anyway I'm getting off track. Yeah I asked Mariah out. She very nicely turned me down. I like to tease her about it sometimes."/p
p class="MsoNormal""And everyone's just cool with that? And you guys are just like friends?" Sebastian said, "Yoba that makes no sense."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It was just a crush on the new girl purely because I was new," Mariah said, "And honestly I blame Abby."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It was kind of her fault," Sam nodded./p
p class="MsoNormal""Should have gone with Willy. Or Marlon," Mariah nodded./p
p class="MsoNormal""What the fuck are you guys talking about?" Sebastian asked looking between them. None of the back and forth he'd just witnessed made sense./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah sighed, "Can we just talk about this upstairs? Or at least while I'm getting up the stairs."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Fine," Sebastian said, continuing up the stairs./p
p class="MsoNormal""So," Sam began following after him, Mariah directly behind, "Mariah made the mistake of making a comment about not having to dance at the Flower Dance. So Abby made it her mission to get her a partner. She ended up dancing with Vincent who basically fell in love with her. Everyone thought it was adorable and Abby was frustrated that she didn't ask Willy instead. Anyway, Mariah had Vincent come over to the farm to show him that he really didn't want to be with her. Being that he was like seven at the time, I went with him. He temporarily got over his crush, but then I got a crush on her. I tried to ask her to come with me to the luau as like a date, but we were all hanging out at the time and she thought I'd meant like a group thing."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Huh, I never knew that," Mariah said, "Either you were just really bad at it or I was totally oblivious."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Gee thanks," Sam said, "And I definitely thought you knew that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Nope," Mariah shook her head as they sat down at the table./p
p class="MsoNormal""And then I tried to put the moves on her helping her find a kinda gross potato to put in the luau soup. We all put some gross stuff in it, most of which she provided. Anyway she didn't respond to that either," Sam said, "So I don't know why I thought asking her out would get me anywhere."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Wait, wait," Mariah said, "Those were em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"moves?/em Seriously? Shit Sam how have you ever gotten anyone to date you?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh shut up," Sam grumbled, "You were too busy pining over him to notice."/p
p class="MsoNormal""That might be true," Mariah shrugged considering the idea, "Anyway, I went swimming spontaneously at the luau and Sam offered to let me use a towel at his house and then asked me out when we were alone. I very nicely let him know I wasn't interested and that I only liked him as a friend. He took it really well."/p
p class="MsoNormal""She was really nice about it," Sam agreed, "So we stayed friends. I was getting over my crush and then you told me that you were into her. I was the best wingman ever and the rest is history. Although there was a brief period of time when you two were going to be married to Vincent too. At least that was his plan."/p
p class="MsoNormal""For the record he's gotten over me, and is now into Jas. Although Jas is totally crushing on Leo, so poor Vince."/p
p class="MsoNormal""She is?" Sam asked, "That's actually kind of adorable. Don't tell Vincent I said that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Who's Leo?" Sebastian asked brows furrowed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh!" Mariah said, "I can't believe I forgot to tell you about Leo. He's this boy I met at Ginger Island. He was an orphan. Willy and I are pretty sure that he and his parents were in a boat crash that they didn't survive when he was young. When I met him he hadn't spent a lot of time with other people in years and had been pseudo raised by parrots. Eventually he came to trust me and Willy and moved into town. He lives in a treehouse next to Linus's tent. Penny teaches him with Jas and Vincent, though he was behind them for a while. We basically take turns taking care of him with your family, Willy, Emily, and Linus. He's pretty independent, but we all make sure he's got everything he needs and that he's staying healthy and stuff."/p
p class="MsoNormal""He's a really great kid," Sam added./p
p class="MsoNormal""So back to my original confusion. You asked Mariah out, she turned you down, you stayed friends, and everyone was just cool with it?" Sebastian questioned. He still couldn't wrap his head around it./p
p class="MsoNormal""There were some awkward moments here and there," Sam shrugged, "And I think you had a lot of anxiety about it at the time, but for the most part it was totally fine. Obviously it all worked out for the best. Mariah and I are good as friends. At least I think so. Even if she calls me Samson."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Only when you deserve it," Mariah said with nonchalance, "So what scenario are we playing?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Dreadlord Xarth," Sebastian said, "Sam picked it out."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah gave Sam a look that Sebastian couldn't quite read, but neither said anything. He proceeded with caution, but read out the card./p
p class="MsoNormal""I think Mariah should lead," Sam said./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah shook her head, "I remember this one. Someone else should lead."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, if you remember it should we play another one?" Sebastian asked, going to grab the cards./p
p class="MsoNormal""No," Sam shook his head, "Mariah's memory is too good. If you and I don't remember that should be enough. You won't give anything away right Mariah?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Right," she nodded./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Sebastian said, though he wasn't feeling confident about it, "So do you want to lead then Sam?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I…" Sam paused, "Sure."/p
p class="MsoNormal"As they played, it felt familiar to Sebastian. Something stirred in the recesses of his mind, but it remained hidden. Sebastian wasn't dumb and had realized that Sam was trying to orchestrate something. But Sam hadn't changed all that much and his memory was still somewhat terrible, so whatever he was trying to accomplish was not being successful. Sebastian did find amusement in his friend's frustration, and it seemed like Mariah did too. They got to the very end and Sebastian turned to look at Sam./p
p class="MsoNormal""So how'd whatever that was work out for you?" he asked, "Because you obviously chose that one for a reason."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I was hoping it would help jog your memory," Sam admitted, "That was the first game we played together. I was really excited when I found the right card."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It was familiar, but nothing I remembered," Sebastian shrugged./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam frowned, "Damn. Oh well. I tried. I bet it would have if Mariah had just done it again."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah I'm not playing that manipulation game," Mariah shook her head, "So I'm going to go pee and then go lie down. Wake me up if you need me."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam helped Sebastian pick up the game, "I'm bummed that didn't work. It was after that game that you first told me about your crush on Mariah."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's okay," Sebastian said, "I appreciate you trying, but I don't think that works that way. Not enough suffering or something."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh yeah, we should totally talk to Mariah about that," Sam said, "I bet she can help us work through it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah maybe later," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Or maybe you should go on a date," Sam suggested./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian choked on his spit, "What?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm just saying. Maybe you should get to know her. Spend some time together where you're not focused on what you're going through."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't think you really understand how hard that is," Sebastian said, "It's not exactly something easy to forget about."/p
p class="MsoNormal""But you're into her right?" Sam said, "And you'd like to get to know her?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah," Sebastian said looking down, "But I also just want to get my fucking memory back."/p
p class="MsoNormal""We're trying to figure that out, but also who knows when that's going to happen," Sam insisted, "So why not just try to get to know her?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's just…complicated," Sebastian sighed, "She knows so much about me. And there's just so much history between us that I don't know. Yeah we're kind of strangers, but she has a massive advantage. I'm not great with talking to people, and this is just such a strange situation. I don't even know what to say. I want to get to know her, I really do, and I told her as much but….I just don't know what I'm doing."/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's true…you are…well socially awkward," Sam said, "But she knows that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah," Sebastian shrugged, "Everything feels like too much."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I get that," Sam nodded, "It is a lot. Did the game help you relax at all?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Eh, not really. You were trying way too hard and it didn't feel natural," Sebastian said, "Not that I don't appreciate it," he hastily added, "To be honest I'm not really sure what would help me relax. Everything is just a glaring reminder to me of how fucked up everything is."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry," Sam frowned, "I'm trying to help but I'm not really sure how."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Really at this point having you around to help with the Morgan stuff has been great. That's part of what made Mariah cry earlier," Sebastian said, "Turning into a dad overnight has been terrible. Not that she knows what's going on, but it's not fair to Morgan. I'm not going to be able to avoid being alone with her forever and that's giving me so much anxiety."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Obviously it's not the same thing," Sam said, "But this is what you told me when I was freaking about before Sophie was born. 'No matter what you do now to prepare, being a parent you just have to roll with things. You're not going to be perfect, but you'll learn from each mistake. Trust your instincts.' Granted Morgan's not a baby, but that advice doesn't change. You'll just have to be patient, and honestly Morgan will guide you more than you realize. Plus maybe some more of your instincts or memories or whatever will come out. And I'm sure Mariah will help prevent the one on one from happening as much as she possibly can."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So just make it up as I go along?" Sebastian shook his head, "Thanks. Really helpful."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam laughed, "I know you're being sarcastic, but that's exactly what it's like. You think our parents knew what to do when we got into shit?span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanWe were kind of assholes growing up. Remember that time we tried to sneak into the Saloon after it closed to play the arcade games all night before we had our own consoles? And that was like the least of it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah we got grounded," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""But then our moms organized a night that we had a sleepover in the Saloon," Sam added, "So we got in trouble, but they understood what we were trying to do and helped us out. Because they love us and despite what we thought in high school they actually want us to be happy."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian was quiet and contemplative. He didn't think anything would stop him from having anxiety about being alone with Morgan. But hopefully by the time that happened he would be in a better place./p
p class="MsoNormal""I think I'm gonna go smoke some weed," Sebastian said, "You okay here?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, sure," Sam said, "I got it under control."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thanks," Sebastian said. He went downstairs and slipped as quietly as he could into the bedroom, not wanting to disturb Mariah's rest. There were some pre-rolled joints in the box, so he grabbed one and the lighter. He looked over at Mariah's sleeping form. Her face was scrunched up as if she were uncomfortable or upset. He shook off the urge he had to go over and hug her. Sam was coming down the stairs when Sebastian came out of the bedroom./p
p class="MsoNormal""Um, do you know if there's like a certain place I should or shouldn't smoke this?" Sebastian asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm pretty sure the only rules are not around Morgan or the animals," Sam said, "If you're feeling nervous about it, the garage is a safe bet. Morgan's not allowed in there."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Got it, thanks," Sebastian said, heading outside./p
p class="MsoNormal"He ended up going to the garage, but opted to not go inside. He laid down in the grass in front of it as he smoked. It didn't take long before he felt himself relaxing and his mind slowing down. It was warm, but not unpleasant, and there was a bit of shade from some bushes where his head was. He looked up, watching the clouds pass by, feeling a bit like a little kid. He'd played outside of course, but even as a kid he'd preferred more quiet activities that he could do alone. He remembered times that he would sneak comic books out with him when Demetrius or his mom insisted he go get some fresh air. Time passed by with Sebastian lost in thought, and soon he heard noises from inside the house that let him know the girls were awake and playing with Sam. For a moment he lamented the fact that they most likely would be waking Mariah up as well. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"She deserves some rest./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey Seb!" He heard Sam call./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah!" he called back, popping up, immediately putting a hand on his head due to the head rush./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sam peeked around the corner, "I'm gonna take the girls to the beach for a bit."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Cool," Sebastian called back, "Let us know when you're on your way back."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Will do!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Love you daddy!" Morgan called with a wave./p
p class="MsoNormal""Love you too!" he called back, without thought, though the words felt weird coming out of his mouth, "Have fun!"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian slowly got himself up and made his way into the house. Things were quiet, and he stayed sneaky in case Mariah was still asleep. He'd be in and out, he just wanted to get a book./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey Seb," Mariah said sounding groggy, "Can you help me up?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh, yeah, sure," he said making his way over to the bed, "Sorry your nap got interrupted."/p
p class="MsoNormal""S'okay," she grumbled./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sam took the kids to the beach if you wanted to sleep more," he offered./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nah," she shook her head as he helped her into a sitting position, "I'm too awake now."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian frowned, "I'm sorry."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Not your fault," she said, though she seemed to be avoiding looking at him, "Feeling anxious?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""A bit yeah," he admitted, "The weed did help though."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm glad to hear it," Mariah said swinging her feet over the edge of the bed./p
p class="MsoNormal""So, um, what would we normally be doing now?" Sebastian asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""Like in general or with this situation?" Mariah asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""Either? I guess," he said feeling unsure./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well in this particular situation you'd probably cuddle with me to try and help me relax and rest some more even if I didn't sleep," Mariah said, "If it were a normal day and Morgan just got up from her nap, it would be snack time and then we'd just play with her until it's time to cook dinner. Unless we had other plans. Which I'm realizing isn't helpful information for you, because well, duh. Sometimes Penny takes her if she's doing something with the kids that would be appropriate for Morgan and she wouldn't be too much to handle."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What about, uh, dates?" Sebastian asked with a blush./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh well we have plenty of baby sitters whenever we need them," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sam suggested we go on a date," Sebastian said, "Which I have no idea what that would look like. But he thinks it would be a good way to get to know you, since we don't know what getting my memory back is going to be like."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well, how do you feel about that?" Mariah asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""Honestly, I don't know," Sebastian answered, "I don't think it's a bad idea. It just feels….weird."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah looked at him and smiled softly, but her eyes still looked sad, "Well, this reminds me, your mom is coming tomorrow to watch Morgan. I have a doctor's appointment outside of the city that you were coming to. So maybe tomorrow we can do lunch or something? But if you want, we can look at some pictures or stuff together and I can fill you in. See if anything else seems familiar."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, sure," Sebastian agreed, "I can manage that right now. I was going to read, but this might be something good to do while I'm not so anxious."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Mariah said standing up, "Come on with me."/p