p class="MsoNormal""How are you doing?" Mariah asked gently, watching him from her seated position across the room./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian shrugged, "I think the best word is overwhelmed. But even that doesn't quite get it right." He sat down in his own seat not too far from Mariah, but very much in his own space./p
p class="MsoNormal""I know you'd been worried about Morgan realizing you were different, so I'm sorry it happened," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah," Sebastian grimaced, "I'm sorry if I ruined things. I didn't know how to react or what to say to her."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why don't you tell me what happened?" Mariah said, "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian took a minute to gather his thoughts and told her exactly what happened and what he said to the best of his ability. He wasn't positive that he got every word completely accurately, but it was enough that Mariah would be able to get the gist./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sorry that you had to go through that," Mariah said when he was done, "I think you did a good job given the situation. It's important to be honest with kids and you did a really well trying to explain a complex emotion to her."/p
p class="MsoNormal""But if she's noticed I'm different then that means I'm screwing something up," Sebastian shook his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""No, all that means is that she loves you and she's observant. You had this traumatic childhood so you probably can't related to this, but most kids don't have as much stuff to focus on as adults do so they pick up on things differently. You're doing such a good job that she just thought you might be sick, not that you're not you."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian let out a breath, his shoulders relaxing, "Why do you have to make so much sense?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah shrugged, "I'm not dealing with as much as you are. So Maru's wedding…."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah about that," Sebastian shook his head, "I'm just assuming I'm going to have to give a speech. I don't even know what day it's happening."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well yeah, so we've got some ground to cover on that front," she agreed, "Rehearsal is tomorrow. Wedding is Saturday. Like I said, you're Maru's Man of Honor. Funnily enough Sam is Penny's. Harvey is also standing with Maru, and has accepted the title bridal butler. I'm the last member of her wedding party as a bridesmaid. Jas and Vincent are with Penny and Morgan is the flower girl. Other than for the toasts, it's going to be a dry rehearsal and wedding reception, primarily because of Pam, though don't actually say that out loud."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So Pam's still an alcoholic?" Sebastian asked, a bit sarcastically, though he felt bad about it afterwards./p
p class="MsoNormal""She still drinks," Mariah confirmed, "But not to the extent that she was. Still a significant source of trauma for Penny as you can imagine."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Makes sense," Sebastian nodded, "So speech?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""The good news on that, is you've started them," Mariah said, "I'm not sure what they're saved under, but they're on your computer. Bad news is that they're not done."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're saying they and them like there's multiple," Sebastian said with a grimace./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well yes, you're giving a longer speech at the rehearsal and more of a toast at the reception. Nothing crazy on either account," she assured him./p
p class="MsoNormal""And you're going to help me finish them?" he prompted./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah let out a singular dry laugh, "Yes, of course. Did you think I wouldn't?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well the suffering and all that…" Sebastian avoided her gaze./p
p class="MsoNormal""Did you forget the whole thing this morning when you had to force me to agree to you being in a situation that would make you uncomfortable?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""…No."/p
p class="MsoNormal""The thought of not helping you didn't even cross my mind," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you," Sebastian said quietly, shrinking into himself. He didn't know why this was the moment he was feeling shy and vulnerable./p
p class="MsoNormal""Do you need a break?" she offered./p
p class="MsoNormal""No," he shook his head, though the idea sounded great, "Need to power through it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't though," she said, "I know you want to, but you really don't have to do anything you're not up for doing."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I appreciate it, but putting things off isn't going to be beneficial in the long run," Sebastian shook his head./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah took a breath, "Okay. Why don't you go log onto your computer and I'll meet you in there?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian nodded, following up with her suggestion. When Mariah joined him, Sebastian stopped her from sitting on the stool, and insisted he would take the stool and she could sit in his computer chair. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"That has to be more comfortable for a pregnant woman right?/em She gave him a grateful smile, letting out a relaxed sigh as she sat. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanem style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Well at least I did something right. /emHe found the documents with ease, his organizational style unchanged. He read through them himself, pleased that they seemed close to being completed. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Maybe this won't be so much work after all./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Have you seen these yet?" he asked Mariah, who turned her attention to him after having been preoccupied with Yoba knows what else./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nope, not yet," she shook her head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Personally I think they're in pretty good shape and won't need much more. Have a read," he said, moving out of her way./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah rolled the chair over so she could see the screen. She read through his toast first, gave him some feedback and helped him finalize it. Sebastian just used her suggestions without question. The speech was another matter entirely. She gave him some ideas of what else to say, but insisted that he write it himself./p
p class="MsoNormal""You can't use my words because then it will sound like I wrote it. A minor tweak here and there, sure. Even with the toast, whatever that's a bit more generic, but this speech needs to be personal. I can feed you information but you're the one who has to express it," she explained./p
p class="MsoNormal""But it's not me. And what if the way I write it doesn't sound like me?" he asked, "Your version of me, I mean."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Once you're done you can read it to me and I'll tell you if you need to change anything or if it doesn't sound right," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well that sounds awful," Sebastian sighed, "But fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah pat his upper arm reassuringly. He thought about her recommendations and just dove in trying to capture it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her draw her legs up onto the chair. He stole a glance in her direction, which she didn't notice. She was staring off into space a wistful look on her face. Sebastian tried not to dwell on twinge of sadness he felt as a result as he wrote. Still, there was something about her body language that reminded him of a child in need of a hug. She kept trying to comfort him, but was struggling to find comfort herself. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Stop thinking about it. Focus on what you're trying to do. You have to get this done and you'd be shit at trying to make her feel better anyway. You have to do this, because your situation will never change if you don't make yourself suffer. You have to do it so that you haven't completely ruined her life. Yours too for that matter. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian felt truly incompetent in what he was doing. He wasn't good with his words, and didn't feel connected to Maru in a way that was fair for him to be writing a speech for her wedding. He didn't waste too much time agonizing over it, knowing that he'd need Mariah's help making more edits. When he decided he was done, he turned to look at Mariah, who was still lost in thought, staring out into space. He cleared his throat to get her attention. She blinked her eyes, turning to look at him, her body relaxing slightly. She gave him a smile, but even he could tell it was forced./p
p class="MsoNormal""You finished?" she asked, extending her legs, "Or did you need help?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm done. I know I'm going to have to make changes, but I'm done without more feedback," Sebastian confirmed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I'm ready whenever you are," Mariah confirmed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian nodded, grateful that he wouldn't have to look at her as he read what he wrote./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well we'll definitely have to work on your presentation," Mariah said, "That was rough. Some of it doesn't feel genuine so we'll have to work on that as well. You did pretty good touching everything we'd talked about, but it's just…off."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian remaindered her of the reason her reaction was so accurate, but he listened to her feedback, making tweaks and trying again. They agreed to focus on the content, and they'd work on presentation later so they could also get it done before Morgan woke up. They ended up going sentence by sentence and were almost done when nap time was over./p
p class="MsoNormal""So, um, are you okay?" he asked Mariah while Morgan was preoccupied with her afternoon snack./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah shifted uncomfortably, "Yeah. I'm okay."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't seem like you're okay," he pointed out./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm having a hard time," she conceded, "But nothing out of the ordinary for the last few days. It's fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you sure?" he asked again, unsure of why he was pressing the matter because he wasn't in a position to do anything about it./p
p class="MsoNormal"Her reaction made him immediately regret it, "I said it's fine," she snapped, and then sighed, "Sorry."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No," he said, pulling away, "I shouldn't have pried. It's not really my business. I mean it kind of is? I assume. But still not really."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You can't do anything about it anyway," she sighed, "It's really not fine, but it's just my current reality. So I'm just trying to accept things for what they are."/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"See? She does think you're useless. She made such a big deal about how important communication is to her and she's just shutting you out. She's getting sick of having to help you so much. She probably wishes you would just leave./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""What's the plan for this afternoon?" she asked him, stopping his thought process./p
p class="MsoNormal""Err, I don't know."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Did you want me to leave you alone with Morgan again?" she asked./p
p class="MsoNormal"Before Sebastian could answer, there was a knock at the door, drawing both of their attention./p
p class="MsoNormal""Were you expecting someone?" he asked her, and she shook her head 'no' as she stood up to get the door./p
p class="MsoNormal""Who is it?" Morgan asked, excitedly bouncing around./p
p class="MsoNormal""I dunno," Mariah answered./p
p class="MsoNormal"The knock came again with a familiar voice this time, "I know you're home!" Abigail called, "Let us in!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yoba Abby, give me a second," Mariah called back with a grumble, the door swinging open before she could get over there./p
p class="MsoNormal""Auntie Abby! Unca Ca-ver!" Morgan cried out running up to them./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey squirt!" Carver said, picking her up and spinning her around./p
p class="MsoNormal""We've got a surprise for you!" Abby declared./p
p class="MsoNormal""Surprise for me?" Morgan's eyes lit up./p
p class="MsoNormal""Abby…." Mariah said with a warning tone./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nope," Abby shot her down, "This is happening, just roll with it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Abby," it was Sebastian this time./p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys have had a rough couple of days," Carver interjected, "Or so we've heard."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sam's in on it," Abby added./p
p class="MsoNormal""So we're here so you can relax a little," Carver continued./p
p class="MsoNormal""Robin babysat yesterday," Mariah interjected, "We got some date time to relax."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Daddy's stressed," Morgan chirped, "He no sick. He told me."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Abby looked over at Mariah and Sebastian and gave them a shit eating grin./p
p class="MsoNormal""As we were saying," Abby said, "We're here to help. We're all going to go on a walk, and then we're going to hang out with this awesome kid here so you can take a little extra break before all the wedding shenanigans commence."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah put her hand on her hip, and stared at Carver who stared right back at her. They were clearly having some kind of largely non-verbal conversation./p
p class="MsoNormal""You," she said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yup," he responded./p
p class="MsoNormal""And," Mariah sounded frustrated./p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh-huh," he nodded./p
p class="MsoNormal""There's not," she said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Nope," he shook his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Like that," she said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Correct," he confirmed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah sighed and took her hand off her hip, "Fine, but I'm going to remember this."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I expect nothing less," he nodded his head as if they'd come to some sort of agreement./p
p class="MsoNormal"Abby shook her head and spoke softly to Sebastian, "No matter how many times I've seen them do that it still freaks me out."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah," he nodded in agreement. That was another level of communication that he didn't anticipate he'd ever have with someone./p
p class="MsoNormal""You love me," Carver said moving towards Mariah./p
p class="MsoNormal""I do," she begrudgingly admitted, responded to his open armed request for a hug, "For the record I'm not putting up more of a fight because Sam's not here to defend himself."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Abby rolled her eyes, "Whatever works. Let's go!"/p
p class="MsoNormal"It took a few minutes before they actually left, but they made their way up the mountain path towards Sebastian's home. Well former home. He found his heart pounding as they got closer to the building. He couldn't quite place why he was feeling so anxious about it, but he almost felt as if he were being torn in two. He had an urge to retreat into his old basement room and hide from the world, despite knowing that it wasn't his room any more. Most of him was rejecting the urge, the memories of fights with Demetrius, uncomfortable family dinners, and the feeling of loneliness he'd convinced himself he'd wanted flooding his mind. His head was starting to pound again./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""When are you going to stop wasting your life?" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Demetrius," Robin's warning tone./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"The memories swirled around, blinding him. They were disjointed and flowed into each other./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I'll never be enough," Sebastian told himself, staring at his hallow face in the mirror. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian's chest was getting tight./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Don't you see how fucked up that is?" Mariah was upset, "Why would you do that to me instead of just talking about it first?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Because I'm an idiot," Sebastian's heart hurt, "I'm a fucking moron who doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and I make stupid fucking choices without thinking them through. Is that what you wanted to hear?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian found himself pressing his back against a tree. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Is that all I've ever been?/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Good idea Seb," Mariah said, "I do think I need a minute," Mariah said, moving over to him./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ugg fine be pregnant and stuff," Abby grumbled, "We'll have fun waiting for you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you okay?" She asked him quietly under the shade of the tree./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Seb can you put your shirt back on? I'm having a hard time with…well."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian sunk down the trunk of the tree./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Sebby your dad is here!"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""For fucks sake Robin he's not a baby, don't call him that."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"His breathing was shallow./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Bash I'm so sorry, I'm not going to make it home tonight. I know we had plans but the storm is bad here so I'm going to have to stay on the island. It's not safe for us to come back."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Are you fucking kidding me? This is exactly what I was worried about. We saw the forecast, I asked you not to go. You knew this was important to me."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting to be here this long. I'd planned on…"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Sebastian cut her off, "Save it. I'm not interested. Whatever you planned on doing isn't what happened because something came up. Something always comes up because you just can't say no and you have to go around fixing everything."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""He's a little boy Sebastian," there was anger in Mariah's voice./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Yeah and he's lived on that island for how long alone? He got on just fine before."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""How can you be so heartless?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""He would have been fine Mariah. But no you had to be a hero, and just totally disregard the other important things in your life."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""You know you're the most important person in my life. But you're an adult. He's a child living alone on an island. You of all people know what it's like to be a kid and have an adult you trust let you down."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb?" Mariah's voice was filled with concern. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I'm no better than he is./em She reached out to touch him, but hesitated./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Sebastian why do you have to be so mean to your sister?" Robin sounded disappointed, which was worse than when she was angry./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Half-sister. I didn't want her here. I didn't want either of them here."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"He covered his face with his hands./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Bash, will you come cuddle with me? You've been working so hard. I've missed you. Plus it's getting so late."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Sebastian snorted, "Like you're one to talk about working late." He'd already saved his progress, and was turning off his monitor. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Mariah flashed him a grin as he swiveled around to face her, "I know, I know. You know I'm proud of you right? It will all be worth it when you're done."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I sure hope so," he said, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck, "Cuddling does sound amazing right now. I've missed you too."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"She planted a kiss on his lips and grabbed his hand. She turned and led him into the main part of their bedroom. He stripped down into his boxers as she slid between the sheets. With a yawn, he joined her, immediately relaxing as she snuggled up against him. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Love you Riah," he said planting a kiss on her forehead, "Marrying you was the best thing I've ever done. I feel so much more comfortable here than I ever did at my mom's house. I always feel appreciated here. I don't think I would have been able to do this without your support. So thank you."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I love you too," she tilted her head to look up at him, "And you really don't need to thank me. Marrying you was the best thing I've ever done too."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb?" Mariah was sounding anxious, "You're starting to scare me. Nod if it's just a panic attack, I can't really tell what's happening."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He was crying, but he shook his head, "It hurts," he croaked out. It wasn't just a panic attack, it was something else entirely, but he wouldn't be able to describe it./p
p class="MsoNormal"He heard Mariah moving next to him, but wasn't sure what she was doing, "Just try to focus on breathing okay? I don't know how I can help, but I'm going to try."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He tried to focus his attention on the sensation of his chest moving up and down with each breath, but he could still hear the echos of his thoughts bouncing around his mind./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm going to put a damp cloth on your neck okay?" Mariah said, and there was a pause before he felt the cool material on his skin, "In and out. Try not to worry about anything else."/p
p class="MsoNormal"But he did worry about everything else. He couldn't seem to stop. His head was throbbing. It didn't hurt as bad as it had the first day, but it wasn't good. Everything was spinning. He felt Mariah's hand rubbing circles on his back, gaining some awareness of her presence next to him. Sebastian made the mistake of peeking out from behind his hands, the brightness of the day nearly blinding him. Instinctively he turned and leaned into Mariah, shielding himself from the rest of the world. She tensed for a moment, no doubt shocked by his actions./p
p class="MsoNormal""This will pass eventually," she assured him, resuming the momentarily stopped movements, "You'll be okay."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He realized that when she spoke he would hear her, and it would drown out the noise going on in his head, "Keep talking to me please," he nearly whispered./p
p class="MsoNormal""Of course," she said, and there was an awkward pause, "Um. I know you can't see it right now, but I can. Over there is the bush where you found Zeph, your first frog. I don't know how you spotted him to begin with, I'd been in the mines, but I came out and you were crouched down, staring into the bush with this fish tank. I had no clue what was going on, but you had this look of concentration on your face. You had me help you get him to come out of bush so you could save him. His foot was all mangled, probably from a fight with another creature. We were already married, but I feel even more in love with you that day. You and Maru combined forces and rehabilitated him. It was truly beautiful. You had this passion that was just inspiring. For some reason you were surprised that I was cool with having a frog in the house, which I still don't really understand, but it all worked out."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So I'm not as bad as he is," Sebastian whispered to himself./p
p class="MsoNormal""As bad as who is? You're not bad at all Seb," she assured him, "You're one of the kindest hearted people I know."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, I'm not," he shook his head, "I'm awful with people. I don't trust. I push people away. I'm kind of an asshole. Just like him."/p
p class="MsoNormal""None of that is true," Mariah insisted, "Just because you're anxious and it takes you time doesn't make you an asshole. And who are you talking about?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""My dad," the words were almost silent./p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb you're nothing like him," Mariah was firm, "Sure you share some DNA, but he's not even a third of the man you are."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I treated Maru like shit and disappointed my mom. I got mad at you for helping that kid from the island because you blew off our plans. My dad didn't want me. Abby was repulsed by me. I could never be good enough for Demetrius. I fought with you about I don't even know what. It was all me. All my fault. And you've been so nice to me. You married me, and supported me making my game. You made me feel wanted. And I got mad at you for caring about other people. How fucked up is that? Why? Why would you love me? Why would you keep trying to help me? I don't deserve it. I'm useless. I'm so selfish. I can't do anything good on my own. I'm only ever good because of other people."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian," he didn't have to look at her to know she was fighting back tears, "That's not true."/p
p class="MsoNormal""And now I'm making you cry. It's all my fault," he said as if she hadn't spoken. He had to get away from her./p
p class="MsoNormal""No," Mariah protested./p
p class="MsoNormal""And you were upset earlier and I made it worse. I knew you'd been upset and I didn't do shit about it because I was scared because I'm useless. You even said it yourself. There's nothing I can do. I just keep fucking everything up and hurting people."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian, no. Stop. Please stop," Mariah was actively crying now./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You should just do it. Find the witch and do it. Everyone would be better off./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Alright love birds, we're almost there," Abby called to them. Sebastian had forgotten entirely where they were and why, "You can canoodle more in a bit."/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"No, no, no, no. no./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys okay?" Carver asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian had a panic attack," Mariah responded./p
p class="MsoNormal""So why are you crying?" Abby asked. Poor choice of words, but the concern was there./p
p class="MsoNormal""Your ho-mones mama?" em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Fuck./em Sebastian had somehow forgotten about Morgan./p
p class="MsoNormal""Something like that," Mariah agreed. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"She's been lying for you for days. This isn't right. This is your fault./em/p
p class="MsoNormal""I help," Morgan volunteered./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's okay baby," Mariah sniffed, "We'll be okay. You just keep playing okay?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah Morgan," Carver spoke again, "Why don't you race me up to the bath house? I bet I can beat you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No I too fast!" Morgan giggled./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey no fair! You got a head start!" Carver's voice began to fade./p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys need anything?" Abby was close./p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't think so," He felt Mariah shake her head./p
p class="MsoNormal""You sure? Seb?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Nothing," he said with a hoarse voice./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Abby sounded hesitant, "I'm not sure what's been going on with you lately, but if you want to talk or something, I'm here. You know? It's okay to ask for help. I'll give you guys some space, but I'll be right over there so just call if you need me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thanks," Mariah's crying was more controlled./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian pulled away from Mariah when he heard Abby's footsteps get farther and farther away. The light was still too bright. His head still hurt. But most of all he hated how much worse he felt without the close contact he'd had./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sorry. I just fuck everything up. This is all my fault. I ruin everything," Sebastian said, digging his fingers into the dirt beside him, eyes squeezed tightly shut./p
p class="MsoNormal""No, Sebastian. You haven't fucked anything up. You haven't done anything wrong," she said, her voice cracking, "I don't know what happened to you just now, but it's not your fault. You're not a terrible person. You've never been useless. You're not selfish. You're good with or without other people. I swear to you. Whatever bad thoughts you're having right now are just thoughts. They're not based in reality."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So you're not crying right now because of me? You're telling me that's not my fault?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't do that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't do what? Tell the truth?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian, you know it's more complicated than that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's not though. You were fine. This shit happened and now you're not. If it weren't for me you'd still be fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm not going to argue with you about this right now. Are you still in pain?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""What difference does it make?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seriously?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why are we even bothering?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian," she sounded more upset, "Can you look at me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""No," he said, opening his eyes to look at the ground./p
p class="MsoNormal""Because it hurts? Or because you're not comfortable?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"He paused, "Both."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Do you know what happened?" she asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm not sure," he began, taking a moment, "I was getting anxious coming up here. I don't really know why. Part of me really wanted to go hide in the basement, but I know it's not my room any more. I started remembering things. Fights with Demetrius, Maru. Disappointing my parents. Abby and my scars. It was all old stuff and then some stuff with you too. Pieces of fights. And then this memory of you asking me to cuddle with you and me telling you how glad I was I married you and how I was only able to work on my game because of your support. At some point my head started to hurt, and everything is too bright."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You remembered the fight we had when I went to the island knowing that there was a storm coming and got stuck there?" Mariah filled in./p
p class="MsoNormal""Part of it," he said, "And part of another one. You were upset about something I'd done without talking to you. I'm not sure what it was. It all was my fault."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I don't know what that second fight was, but I can assure you the fight about me going to the island was not your fault. We both were in the wrong, just about different things."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian let out a grunt, his tears slowing. His mind was still racing./p
p class="MsoNormal""Think you can make it into the mines?" Mariah asked, "At least it won't be so bright in there. I'd suggest the house, but I'm assuming you don't want to see other people right now."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why are you being so nice to me? I don't deserve it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You do deserve it Seb," she said, "And I'm being nice to you because I care about you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't care about me," he shook his head, "You only want your husband back. And I don't even understand why. Because that version of me doesn't seem that great either."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I know you're dealing with a lot right now, but why do you keep trying to fight with me?" she asked in frustration, "I can't change your mind. You're the only one who can make changes to your thoughts. But I already told you, they're not based in reality."/p
p class="MsoNormal"There was silence between them. He didn't have an answer. Still he somehow got some relief when he whispered the words, "Everything hurts."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So give me just a little trust. And let me help," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal""How?" he asked meekly./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well for starters, let's try to get into the mines," Mariah suggested once more, "We can't sit under this tree forever."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Sebastian agreed, though the entrance to the mines felt very far away./p
p class="MsoNormal""You're going to have to help me up," Mariah said, "Can you do that or should I call Abby over?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I can do it," He said, "I think."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Standing up his head throbbed again and he felt a little dizzy./p
p class="MsoNormal""Abby," Mariah called./p
p class="MsoNormal""What are you doing?" he asked./p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't look very good," she said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yoba Seb you look like shit," Abby said as she got close./p
p class="MsoNormal""Help me up please," Mariah said, holding her hand out to the other woman. Abby held onto her arm even after she was vertical to ensure she was stable./p
p class="MsoNormal""Let's get you guys inside," Abby said, giving Sebastian a once over./p
p class="MsoNormal""No," Sebastian shook his head firmly./p
p class="MsoNormal""What?" Abby was confused, "Why not?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm okay," he lied, "We're just going to go into the mines. Get out of the sun and get some peace."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you sure?" Abby questioned, "I mean that's where we were heading anyway but.."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you kidding me? You thought going to the mines would be a relaxing way for a pregnant woman to spend the afternoon?"span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanMariah asked in disbelief./p
p class="MsoNormal""No, no," Abby shook her head, "Nothing like that. You'll just have to wait and see."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah and Sebastian both groaned./p
p class="MsoNormal""Enough of that," Abby shook her finger at them, "You're going to like it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian followed along, eyes squinting in the light, trying to ignore both the pain and his head and the terrible mood he was in. It felt like it was taking forever for them to get into the mines. Sebastian was able to open his eyes once they made it into the cool darkness, but his headache was still present./p
p class="MsoNormal""Come on," Abby said, gesturing to the elevator./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah looked at her with some uncertainty, but the trio got on and Abby pressed the button for floor ten. When they reached their destination Sebastian was pleasantly surprised to see a set of chairs and a projector screen set up./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sam's idea," Abby informed them, "Carver and I just helped with the execution since he was busy."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Of course," Mariah said looking around, "Thank you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No problem. Sorry that you're not doing so great Sebby," Abby turned to him, "Is there anything I can do to help? There's drinks and snacks in there.."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No," Sebastian shook his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Abby frowned, "If you're sure. But if you need anything else, just let us know okay? We'll take care of Morgan and whatever else okay? Take your time."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thanks Abby," Mariah gave her a half-hearted smile./p
p class="MsoNormal"Abby looked at them both with some hesitancy, nodding her head before taking the elevator back up./p
p class="MsoNormal""Is the dark helping?" Mariah broke the silence once they heard the elevator stop at the top./p
p class="MsoNormal""Kind of," Sebastian said, "My head still hurts."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Is it as bad as it was on Monday?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"He shook his head, "No, not that bad, but bad enough."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I wish we knew why," Mariah frowned./p
p class="MsoNormal""Me too," Sebastian sighed, rubbing his temples./p
p class="MsoNormal""Is there anything I can do to help?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Hold me and talk to me. That made it feel better./em "I don't know."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Mariah said and paused. He could tell she was unsure about asking the next question, "How are you doing with your thoughts?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Not good," he said honestly, "Everything is just kind of swirling in there all at once."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Want to talk about it?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why bother?" he asked, "We're probably just going to end up fighting again."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah sighed, "Okay."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're mad already."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated," she said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Which is all my fault," he said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not your fault," she disagreed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yes it is. I already told you. You were fine. I had a breakdown. You weren't fine any more. I don't see any possibly reason that is anything but my fault."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So yes, I am frustrated by the situation," Mariah confirmed, "But that doesn't make it your fault. It's not like you have any control over what you're experiencing."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You literally said I'm the only one that can change my thoughts," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal""Which is easier said than done," Mariah pointed out, "Listen why don't we just try watching this movie. Maybe the distraction will help?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I guess so. I don't have a better idea," Sebastian said./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah set it up and got the movie going. Sebastian realized that Sam had been trying to recreate their first date. He didn't have any hopes for it helping with his memory at all, but he hoped his headache wouldn't prevent him from enjoying the movie, or at least Mariah was right and it would serve as a good distraction./p
p class="MsoNormal"Focusing on the movie was proving nigh impossible. Sebastian didn't even have to look over at her to know that Mariah was tense and not paying attention to it either. A battle raged on internally and all the while he tried to decide if he should turn off the movie neither of them were watching or if he should continue the charade. Did Mariah notice he was so internally preoccupied or did she think he was invested in what was on the screen? Either way he should give her some peace right?/p
p class="MsoNormal"She made the decision for them. She stopped the movie, letting out a heavy sigh, "This is a waste of time."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What you want to fight some more?" he grumbled./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah took in a deep breath, "I just want to do whatever is going to help you feel better. If fighting is going to help then what the fuck ever, let's fight."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian flinched. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You really are being a dick, /em"I shouldn't be stressing you out like this. I'm sorry. You don't need to deal with this."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck that," Mariah shook her head, catching Sebastian off guard, "I don't know how I can help you accept it, but in the mean time I'll just keep telling you. I like you Sebastian. And I care about you. Whether or not I ever get my husband back. Yes, it would be really amazing if all of my stress just suddenly vanished and I was happy and relaxed. Since that's not going to happen, yes, I do need to deal with this. Us both just sitting here not watching this movie and letting our thoughts take us over is not helping. I know it's not your strong suit, but just talk to me. I don't care if it ends up fighting. We can't keep having things bottled up between us."/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Holy shit she's so sexy. Shut up brain, that is not helpful. At all. You have to say something that has nothing to do with what a turn on this attitude is. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well?" Mariah questioned in response to his apparent silence./p
p class="MsoNormal""Can I kiss you?" em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"WHAT THE FUCK?/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Excuse me?" Mariah pulled back, looking shocked./p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't know why I said that," Sebastian immediately back peddled, "Please ignore me, I'm a moron and shit just comes out of my mouth."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Is that what you were thinking about this whole time?" she asked, just a few degrees shy of angry./p
p class="MsoNormal""No!" he insisted honestly, "My mind was racing with this bullshit and how guilty I feel and shit. I don't know where that came from."/p
p class="MsoNormal""But you want to kiss me?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian began to blush furiously, "I honestly don't know how to answer that. If I say yes I feel like a total creep, but if I say no that's like a massive insult to you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So that's a yes," Mariah rolled her eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""Obviously now's not the time…" Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck looking away, trying to figure out how he could escape, "I'm sure it's just my headache making me not myself."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah moved closer to him, and Sebastian's heart began racing./p
p class="MsoNormal""Relax," her tone was soft and pleasant, "I'm not going to kiss you. I'm just going to give you a hug."/p
p class="MsoNormal"He wasn't really sure if that made it any less scary of a thought until her arms were around him and he just melted. He allowed her warmth to envelop him and before he could process what was happening, Sebastian had all but collapsed into her. He silently cried into her shoulder, a weight being lifted off his shoulders./p