I Own Nothing
Ao3 – Once_Upon_A_Potter
March 29th, 2005
"You're sure you're okay?" Ginny asked, doubtfully, as she glanced at her husband.
"Yeah," Harry told her, running a hand through his hair, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Harry…" Ginny breathed, brow furrowed as she frowned.
"I'm fine." He snapped, eyes narrowing into an annoyed glare, "Really, I'm fine, you don't need to keep asking."
"Alright," She sighed, standing. She knew, that even if his body language was screaming 'not fine', as long as his mouth was still saying 'fine', she wouldn't be able to get anything out of him. "I'm going to go to bed, will you be joining me?"
"I'll be up soon." He muttered, no longer meeting her eye.
She nodded, before silently heading up the stairs, but hesitating when she reached the top, her head tilted, barely breathing, as she listened.
Her eyes closed as she heard the first choked off sob.
She didn't want to just leave him, but she could also tell that she wasn't exactly a welcomed presence at the moment, either.
So, she did the next best thing.
She settled herself, sitting at the top of the stairs, elbows braced on her knees as tears welled in her own eyes.
April 1st, 2005
"Come on, we gotta go to Freddie and your Uncle George's birthday." Harry said, wrangling with James to get the four-year-old's shirt on him.
"I don' wanna wear a shirt." James pouted, arms crossed.
Harry raised an unamused eyebrow, at least he hoped it came across as unamused, "You need a shirt little dude."
"No!" James cried, plopping down to sit on the floor, his back to Harry.
Harry sighed, "Well, I guess that means you can't go play with Victoire and Molly Rose."
James paused, looking back at him, squinting suspiciously. "Why?"
"Because you need to wear your shirt if you want to go over to grandma's house." Harry answered.
"Then I don' wanna go." James decided, turning back around.
"Why don't you want to wear your shirt?" Harry asked, "What about this shirt?" he asked, pulling a different shirt from his son's closet.
"No!" James yelled, falling back to lay on the floor with a huff.
And Harry, just did not have any idea what this child had against shirts today. He met his wife's eyes with a shrug, from where she stood in the doorway.
"James. Sirius." Ginny said, arms crossed, leaning on the doorframe. The four-year-old gasped, jerking almost as if hit by lightning, jack knifing up into a sitting position and whipping around to look at her, wide eyed.
"We are going to grandma's house for your uncle George's birthday," Ginny continued, voice firm, "You will listen to your daddy and put your shirt on, so we can go. We were meant to be there ten minutes ago."
James sat still, staring up at her in shock.
"Now, James." Ginny told him, sending the boy rocketing to his feet to take the shirt Harry held out to him. "Do you need help putting it on?" she asked as they watched him struggling to get his arms in the right holes, knowing better than to try to help without asking him.
"No!" James whined, voice muffled by his shirt, "I gotdet."
Honestly, Harry knew that he could have done the same thing Ginny had. But he felt a dread building in him all day, that just seemed to get worse the closer they got to evening.
He wasn't sure what was causing it, until they arrived, and his eyes landed on Hermione, and that dread that he still didn't understand peaked.
His heart seemed to race every time her pregnancy crossed his mind. They should have been pregnant at the same time, should have had children only six months apart, even though they wouldn't have been in the same year at Hogwarts.
Wasn't Hermione worried that her pregnancy might wend the same way as Harry's?
He would end up spending the night playing babysitter to the kids, in attempt to not have to confront it.
April 10th, 2005
"It's my birthday!" Teddy announced, early that morning, bouncing down into the kitchen. "I'm seven! Finally!"
"No way!" Harry gasped, picking the now seven-year-old up, and hugging him tightly, "You're not seven already, no way."
Teddy giggled, hugging him back as tightly as his little arms could manage.
"But I am!" Teddy informed, leaning back slightly to look Harry directly into his eyes.
"But he is!" Ginny joined in, leaning against the kitchen counter.
"Well," Harry sighed dramatically, setting Teddy back down. "If two people are saying it, it must be true, right?"
"Uh huh!" Teddy agreed, "Because I am seven!"
"I want my birthday!" James exclaimed, looking up from his breakfast, "When can I have my birthday?"
"Well, bud," Harry started, ruffling the four-year-old's hair, "Your birthday isn't until October."
"Awwwe." James whined, causing Harry to raise an eyebrow as he grabbed his coffee mug from the counter. "That's so long!"
"Sorry, bud." Ginny told him, not all that apologetically, even seeming to get some amusement from the impatience. "Finish your breakfast." She told him as she dished up Teddy's food, "Then we can go to grandma's house."
"Grandma Molly's house!" Teddy exclaimed, bouncing, excited to see the rest of the children.
"Yeah… grandma Molly's house." Harry muttered into his mug, grimacing slightly, dreading having to see everyone.
"Let's go!" Teddy exclaimed nearly an hour later, after breakfast, urging everyone toward the floo. "Let's go, come on! Let's go!"
"Alright, alright!" Ginny laughed, throwing the floo powder into the fireplace.
April 15th, 2005
"I don't want that color, though." James muttered, arms crossed over his chest as he glared down at his coloring sheet.
The daycare worker he was talking to blinked, "Someone else is using the red crayon you want right now James, you have to wait your turn. What about a blue one?" they asked, offering a blue crayon to the child.
James growled wordlessly.
"Don't growl." He was told, "What about green?"
"I want red." James said, bottom lip poking out.
"Yellow?"
James seemed to contemplate for a moment, before shaking his head, no.
April 19th, 2005
It always felt like a marathon to Harry, trying to answer the door before the incessant knocking and Snuffles barking woke up James and Teddy.
"Snuffles, shush." He hissed, swinging the door open, only to freeze.
He should have checked who it was at his door at nine in the evening before answering it.
It was a shame; he had almost forgotten the Anderson's existed.
"Oh, God. What now?" He blurted, getting a glare in response.
Why was she the one in a mood? It wasn't like he had gone and knocked on their door.
"…Can I help you?" He asked after a moment of silence where she glared at him.
The woman just stared at him, with Harry growing more and more confused as the second passed.
Then she turned and walked away with a huff, not saying a word.
Harry watched as she returned to her own house, before he shut and locked, and bolted the door.
"Who was that?" Ginny asked, from where she lounged on the couch.
"…Jennifer Anderson." He answered, sitting back beside her.
"Oh, Merlin," Ginny groaned, rolling her eyes, "What'd she want?"
"I don't know." Harry told her. "Just to stare blankly?"
"She didn't say anything?" Ginny asked, eyebrow raised.
Harry shook his head.
What. On. Earth…
"You locked the door, right?"
April 29th, 2005
"Harry!"
Harry ducked his head, walking just a smidge faster toward his and Ron's office.
"Harry, wait up."
He paused, turning toward the person calling him, slapping a smile onto his face, "Hermione, hi!"
"You've been ignoring me." Hermione stated.
"No, I haven't." Harry denied, shifting from foot to foot, adjusting the grip he had on his bag.
"Yes, you have." Hermione insisted, as they stepped to the side to allow others to pass by. "You didn't talk to me at all at the Burrow for George's birthday, and you tried to run away from me just now."
Harry stared at her similarly to a deer caught in the head lights. Of course, she would have noticed that.
"What did I do?" She asked, immediately making Harry's heart drop. It wasn't anything she had done, he wasn't sure what was with him, but it was quite difficult for him to look at her recently. She continued before he could answer her, "Is this because of my pregnancy?" she asked in a whisper, "You haven't spoken to me since we told you."
And Harry found he couldn't deny that. He hadn't talked to her since then, it had been a month since he had spoken to someone he saw as a sister, and somehow, he was just now realizing.
He thinks the worst part of it was that he hadn't even known why.
He knows the worst part of it was that he knew why, that Hermione was right in her assumption, but he didn't want to admit it. Because what type of person would that make him?
"You can tell me if that's it." Hermione continued, "I would prefer to know what's going on, even if I might not like it, than to be left in the dark."
Harry sighed for what felt like the umpteenth time. "Can we not do this here?"
"Your office, then." She said, taking his hand and leading him to his office, only letting go once the door was shut. She leaned against the door, "Talk. Please."
"I don't know what you want me to say." Harry told her, walking over to sit at his desk, dropping his bag on said desk.
Hermione just stared at him silently, crossing her arms over her chest.
The silence continued until Hermione sighed, "The truth would be a good place to start."
"I-I don't know." He repeated, grabbing a quill off his desk and fiddling with it as he leaned back in his chair. "I guess I- I just, I feel like I can't even look at you." He finally blurted.
She raised her eyebrows at the outburst, but remained silent, not wanting him to clam up again.
"I try, okay?" he told her, "I try to be happy for you and for Ron, but every time I can't… I can't help but think of what Ginny and I lost."
"Oh, Harry." She whispered, closing her eyes for a second before looking at her defeated looking friend again. Somehow, that specific reasoning hadn't crossed her mind.
"And then," He continued, "My mind has to remind me of what a horrible person I'm being, by creating scenarios where our positions were reversed, and how you would be me-"
Hermione snorted, cutting him off, "Sorry," she started, "But your mind is lying if it's telling you I'd be anything other than horrible." Even she had to admit, that she was not always the best with negative emotions.
"Oh, please, Hermione, y-" he started, but she cut him off again.
"Hogwarts." She started, "Sixth year." She added. "Ron and Lavender."
"Oh." Harry muttered, staring into space for a moment, "Yeah… You didn't handle that very well, did you?"
"Nope." She confirmed, huffing a laugh at her teen self, "Even I can admit that. So, in that context, you've been doing fine, though I wish you had told me sooner. Do you need me to back off for a bit?"
There was more silence, before he shook his head in the negative. Then she watched as he paled ever so slightly, a look of realization crossing his face.
"You good?" She asked, leaving her spot leaning against the door and walking over to him, concerned.
"Yeah!" He exhaled shakily, voice slightly higher than normal. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"That… wasn't all of it, was it?" she asked, leaning against his desk next to him now.
"It's fine, Hermione, really." He assured, pulling a pile of paperwork out, hoping she'd take his hint, and drop it.
"Fine." She sighed, "Just, don't push me away again, okay?"
