p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian awoke with a start after a fitful night of sleep. It took him a moment to realize what had woken him up, but he flinched in surprise when he registered Morgan standing in front of him. She mumbled a, "Sorry daddy," at his reaction. She looked at him with her head cocked, curiosity etched across her face, "Why you not in bed?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian rubbed his eyes, reeling to come up with a response as his brain took it's sweet time waking up. He was saved by Mariah's sleep addled voice from the other side of the room, "Mommy got too hot and kicked him out of bed sweetie."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Morgan nodded, accepting the answer, "Sorry daddy. Issa baby's fault, not you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thanks," he mumbled./p
p class="MsoNormal""I have breakfast now?" Morgan asked stepping away and looking between them./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah was sitting up now, clearly still trying to fully wake up herself, "Yeah baby. We can have breakfast. Just give us a minute okay? Sorry we slept so late."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay!" Morgan bounded out of the room, and Sebastian heard the TV go on in the living room./p
p class="MsoNormal"He looked over at Mariah in the bed. If the sleeping in hadn't been enough, the way she looked was proof that she'd had a rough night as well. Sebastian knew he'd had some bad dreams, but he couldn't remember them. He just had a lingering, vague feeling of uneasiness. The pair moved slowly, stretching and allowing their brains to become more conscious./p
p class="MsoNormal""This reminds me of how I felt when I heard you thanking Maru for the drops for my bouquet. I heard it, but it didn't seem like it was real," Sebastian said when he finally stood up./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah turned to look at him wide eyed, "You remember that?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sebastian said, feeling surprised himself. It hadn't even occurred to him that this was a new memory, "Yeah I guess I do."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I guess yesterday's shit show was good for something," she mumbled, rubbing her head, "I'm not going to bother asking if you remember anything else, because you probably don't know. Even if you did, I'm not sure I'm awake enough to have that conversation."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah last night was rough," Sebastian agreed, "Sorry it hit you too."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It is what it is," Mariah shrugged, "But I'll definitely be having that cup of coffee today."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh shit," Sebastian said, stopping in his tracks, drawing Mariah's attention once more, "I just realized today's the rehearsal."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah blinked, and let out a long breath, "Yup. Yes, it is. It will be fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure herself or him. She was out the door and on her way to the bathroom, pausing only to tell Morgan she could only watch one episode of whatever show was on./p
p class="MsoNormal""What do you want for breakfast kiddo?" Sebastian asked, making his way to the kitchen./p
p class="MsoNormal""I has pancakes?" Morgan asked hopefully. Based on her tone, Sebastian guessed that pancakes were a special treat for her. He wasn't sure if he should say yes or no./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hmmmm," he mused aloud hoping the stalling tactic would give Mariah time to finish in the bathroom so he didn't make a poor choice./p
p class="MsoNormal""Fine," Morgan huffed, "I has oatmeal and sy-rope."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian chuckled at her toddler pronunciation, "Oatmeal and syrup it is." That was easy. Plus he was more confident in his oatmeal making skills than he was with pancakes. He went to make the coffee, pleasantly surprised to see that it had already been prepped and all he had to do was turn it on. He found the oatmeal, following the instructions written on the packaging. He stood in the kitchen, taking inventory of how he was feeling, both physically and mentally as he waited for the milk to boil and the coffee to finish brewing./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah came out of the bathroom looking fresher, but still worn out. She immediately disappeared into the bedroom, presumably to go get dressed. Sebastian checked the milk before going into the bathroom himself. When he was done, the milk was boiling and the coffee was done brewing. He turned the milk down and added the oats before pouring himself a cup of coffee. He hadn't noticed Mariah come out of the bedroom, but heard it when her phone rang loudly behind him. He jumped, slipping hot coffee on himself. He cursed, putting the cup down in front of him and hastily pulling his now soaked shirt off him to get away from the scalding heat./p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb are you okay?" Mariah asked, moving closer to him, her phone still ringing./p
p class="MsoNormal"He flinched again, covering himself with his arms to shield himself from her view, "Fine," he practically snapped, itching to get himself covered up again. He bumped into her shoulder as he brushed by, rushing to get a shirt on. He caught a glimpse of the look of hurt that flashed across her face from his behavior. He heard her answering the phone as he went to the bedroom to pull on a shirt. Once the fabric hit his skin he got a sense of relief, followed by a dose of guilt. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"She knows about your past and has seen your scars before dumbass. You were rude to her for no reason. All she was doing was checking to see if you were okay. You need to apologize to her. But then she's going to brush it off and be like, 'no big deal, you were under stress, it was just your instinct, blah, blah, blah.'/em Sebastian sighed, and made his way back out of the bedroom. Mariah was still on the phone, nodding her head at what was being said./p
p class="MsoNormal""My oatmeal ready daddy?" Morgan asked, blinking up at him briefly before returning her attention to the TV./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not quite," Sebastian answered, trying to keep his tone normal, "It'll be done soon."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh, yeah, if we can work that out, that would probably be good," he heard Mariah from the kitchen./p
p class="MsoNormal"The open floor plan doing them no favors in terms of privacy. He knew that she likely didn't care if he heard what she was saying, but just the same Sebastian tried to tune Mariah out while checking on the oatmeal. He gave his coffee cup the evil eye as if it had been at fault. He stirred the oatmeal, which was starting to thicken. He busied himself with looking for a maple syrup while he waited for Mariah to finish her conversation so he could apologize to her. He found it in the fridge and placed the jug on the counter./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey," Mariah's voice was soft, but still got his attention, "Are you okay? I'm sorry my phone startled you like that. Are you hurt? Did you get burned?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Not your fault at all," Sebastian insisted, "I'm fine. But I owe you an apology. I overreacted. You didn't deserve my brusqueness."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb," Mariah began, his predictions coming true, "It's not your fault either. It was just instinctual. Can't fight habit. Not a big deal. I didn't take it personally."/p
p class="MsoNormal""But it still hurt your feelings. Even if for a moment," he shook his head, "I saw the look on your face. You can't deny it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't owe me anything," she insisted, taking a hold of his hand and pressing his coffee cup into his palm. Sebastian could feel warmth that was not just from the mug where their skin met. Mariah tried, and failed, to prevent a shiver from running down her spine. Did she feel it too? "Now," she continued, pulling away from him, "I'll finish the oatmeal so you don't have to."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What else am I going to do?" he asked, "I can take care of this. I'm sure you have better things to do."/p
p class="MsoNormal"She let out a heavy sigh, "You're probably right. Today em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"is/em going to be stressful. Even without everything you're dealing with it's just a busy day. The terrible sleep last night really didn't help matters."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sorry," Sebastian shifted his weight from one foot to the other./p
p class="MsoNormal""I've got stuff to talk to you about, but if you're okay in here I'll go take care of the animals real quick. When I come back in we can go over everything," Mariah said, clearly thinking things through in her mind./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," he agreed, glancing over at Morgan who was mindlessly squeezing a stuffed frog watching cartoons, "I can manage."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah gave him a grateful smile that did not reach her eyes, disappearing out the front door. Sebastian zoned out, stirring the oatmeal mindlessly. There was a thought tugging at him that he couldn't quite connect with it. The more he tried to latch onto it the further away it seemed to get. Morgan began giggling at her TV show, breaking him from his stupor. He put her oatmeal into a bowl, calling her to the table. He wasn't sure if they let Morgan eat while watching TV, but he hadn't seen it happen yet, so he didn't want to take a chance. Without any fuss, Morgan turned off the TV and came to eat, confirming to Sebastian that he'd made the right choice. He sat and drank his coffee while Morgan regaled him of the funniest bits of the show she'd been watching. Sebastian nodded along, acting far more invested than he actually was. His exaggerated reactions and well timed chuckles made Morgan beam, which warmed Sebastian's heart./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah came back inside as Morgan was finishing her oatmeal. She gave their daughter a side hug, kissing the top of her head, before joining them at the table, "Once you're done with breakfast it's time to get dressed. It's a busy day today. You're going to be good for Auntie Abby and Auntie Liz right? And play nice with Sophie. Don't forget she's younger than you so you need to be a good role model."/p
p class="MsoNormal""And 'den party!" Morgan grinned, wiggling in her seat./p
p class="MsoNormal""And then party," Mariah nodded, "But no party dress until later. Just like mommy."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I done!" Morgan said pushing her oatmeal bowl away and sliding down off her seat./p
p class="MsoNormal""Pick out your clothes and bring them down here and I'll help you get dressed," Mariah called after her as she bounded up the stairs. She turned her attention to Sebastian before speaking again, "So we're going to your mom's to help load all the stuff into the trucks and bring it down to the community center and library to set it up."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why the library?" Sebastian questioned./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's where the ceremony is taking place."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sebastian was surprised, "Okay. Sorry. Go on."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah gave him a smile, "It'll be us, Demetrius, Sam, and Carver volunteered to help too. Not that I'll be much help until it comes to bossing you all around for the set up. Then Pam is hosting lunch for everyone, including the brides, rest of the wedding party, as well as Abby, Liz, and Sophie. Don't worry, your mom is helping so the food won't be terrible. After lunch all of us, minus Abby, Liz, and the kids, are going to the spa, which is much nicer now than your remember it being, for some relaxation stuff that Maru and Penny set up. Then we'll come back home to get changed. I'm praying that Morgan stays clean enough that she won't need a bath beforehand. Then off to the library for the rehearsal, where I'm guessing we're mostly going to make sure that Morgan understands what she's doing. Then back to the community center for the rehearsal dinner where you'll give your speech."/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's a long fucking day," Sebastian sighed, squeezing his eyes closed in frustration when he saw Morgan had returned. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Fuck did I just swear in front of her? Shit./em Mariah didn't seem phased, and Morgan didn't say anything so Sebastian breathed an internal sigh of relief./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Mariah said, switching gears to helping Morgan change, "So you remember what Mommy said about today?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Daddy say it a long fu-king day," Morgan stated proudly. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Shiiiiiiiiit./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah kept her cool, "Daddy did say that, but I was asking about what Mommy told you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Mommy say to no get dirty," Morgan said./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's right," Mariah confirmed for her, "Do you remember why?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I has to be clean for my party dress," Morgan nodded solemnly./p
p class="MsoNormal""Exactly," Mariah agreed, "I'm so proud of you for remembering that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You proud of me too?" Morgan turned to Sebastian./p
p class="MsoNormal""Absolutely," Sebastian assured her, "I'm very proud of you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I be a good flower girl," she informed him, "Aunt Maru and Auntie Penny give me the im-po-tent job cause I a big girl"/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's right baby," Mariah smiled at her./p
p class="MsoNormal""You're going to be a great flower girl," Sebastian added, smiling at the girl, "I'm sure of it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Charlie came running into the house with an excited bark, wagging his tail and Morgan chased after him, laughing as she went./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry," Sebastian said, blushing, unable to look at Mariah./p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't worry about it," Mariah dismissed, "Not the first time she's heard or said that word. Ignoring it has worked. She hasn't repeated it anywhere else, so far anyway. I'm sure we won't be able to avoid having that conversation with her for too much longer. For now, since we haven't made a big deal about it, the swear words she's heard or repeated don't register to her as special in any way, so she's not tempted to repeat them for the reaction from other people yet."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I feel a bit better about it now," Sebastian sighed, still not wanting to look at her, until he felt the warm sensation of her touch on his arm./p
p class="MsoNormal""You did really great just now. Cut yourself some slack," she pat him gently before pulling her hand away./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian couldn't quite figure out what happened to the rest of the morning. Everything just blurred by until he found himself sitting in the truck heading up the mountain once more. His anxiety was steadily increasing. He knew Mariah said that his relationship with Demetrius had improved but he couldn't picture it and certainly didn't know how to interact with his step-dad well still. He was hoping that they'd be so busy that they wouldn't really have to talk. He could feel a headache coming on as they got closer to the house. Sebastian closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, trying to manage his stress to prevent a panic attack the same way it'd happened the day before./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Bash," Mariah chuckled next to him, "You don't need to stress out like this. Unless you don't trust me anymore."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I just don't love being blindfolded," he grumbled, clutching the seat, intensely aware of the vibrations of the truck./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Well that's just too bad, since the blindfold is necessary to keep the surprise a surprise," he could hear the smile in her voice./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Yeah, yeah," he said, "I guess I'm just not fully convinced you're not a serial killer yet. I may have made some poor life choices."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Mariah snorted, "Sure. Yup. Let's go with that. I got your sperm. The baby is healthy and is now sleeping through the night. Robin is overjoyed at being a grandparent and I've got a near never ending supply of baby sitters. So you're right. Your purpose has been fulfilled and it's time I take you out."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I knew it," Sebastian sighed dramatically shaking his head, "Never should have let me guard down."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""You okay Seb?" Mariah sounded concerned./p
p class="MsoNormal""Headache," he said, "And a memory."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Like yesterday?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, not like that. Just one. Of you and me. And it didn't feel bad," Sebastian explained./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sebastian suspected that Mariah was trying to not appear too enthusiastic about this news./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not that all of the memories yesterday were bad either. Just most of them."/p
p class="MsoNormal""How bad is the headac-" Mariah began asking when Sebastian was hit with a sharp pain, wincing and letting out an involuntary gasp, "Headache. Getting worse huh? Hmmm"/p
p class="MsoNormal""What?" Sebastian asked, his voice small and unsteady./p
p class="MsoNormal""It's just that the same thing happened yesterday when we got close to your mom's house right? I'm just wondering if it's related," Mariah said, pausing to see if Sebastian had a response, "Maybe it's like your brain is trying to reconcile things. The house is what you know so going back there it's trying get you back to where you were six years ago, but you can't so this keeps happening?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Hm," was all Sebastian could get out. He couldn't focus too much on what she had said, the pain in his head getting increasingly worse./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Seb?" he heard Maru calling from the house. style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" He hastily stubbed out his joint as she called his name again, coming closer. He shoved the half smoked spliff into his pocket, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Seriously Seb?" he could hear the irritation in her voice, "I know you heard me. You can't respond?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""S-sorry," he turned from the lake to look at her, "Was zoning. What's up?" he tried to act casual./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I wanted to see if you wanted to watch a movie with me," Maru said, "Popcorn and everything."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Err, no thanks," Sebastian shook his head. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Maru frowned, "You can pick the movie."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Thanks, but I just want to be alone," Sebastian insisted./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Okay," she sighed, opening her mouth to say more and then closing it again, "If you change your mind…"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Yeah I'll let you know," he nodded./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"He heard Maru muttering under her breath about how he was alone /emallem style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" of the time as she walked away. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian felt the warmth of Mariah's touch on his arm, "Do you need to get out of here?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Morgan was crying loudly in Sebastian's arms. His heart was racing as he pushed his way into the house, the combination of her sobs and the blood dripping from her leg spiking his anxiety, "Mom! Mom!"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Whoa, whoa, what's going on?" Demetrius came rushing down the hallway, "Robin's out on a delivery. What happened?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""She tripped and tumbled down the hill and hit that shrine thing and ended up in the bush," Sebastian blurted out, "It's all my fault, I should have been holding onto her hand tighter. Or grabbed her or something."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I'm sure it looks worse than it is. Let's get her cleaned up and I'll call Maru."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb?" Mariah's voice was a bit louder, and she squeezed his arm./p
p class="MsoNormal"He shook his head, trying to fight through the pain and focus on her, "I…"/p
p class="MsoNormal""It'll be okay," she assured him, "Let me get you out of here."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No," he choked out./p
p class="MsoNormal""No?" he was able to focus on Mariah's worried face for a moment./p
p class="MsoNormal""No. I have to fight through it. I have to keep going," he stated, Mariah frown increasing as he spoke./p
p class="MsoNormal""No you don't," she argued, "You're in pain, let me help you. You don't have to do this."/p
p class="MsoNormal"His eyes began watering as he tried to push away the pain, "I do have to. I have to pretend to be normal."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't," Mariah began but Sebastian cut her off./p
p class="MsoNormal""I do," he became louder, "It's just a headache. I can move stuff with a headache. This is my choice. You have to let me make my own choices."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian you're practically in tears. This isn't a normal headache you can just pop a pain killer and get rid of," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal"He pushed her hand off his arm, "You think I don't know that? I'm not an idiot. I told you, it's my choice, just drop it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah sighed, flinching slightly at the rejection, but nodded her head, "What can I do for you? Please. Anything I can do to help tell me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I will," Sebastian agreed, not knowing what she could possibly do, but feeling somewhat reassured by her support, "I think right now staying somewhere not too bright and not having to talk to too many people is what I need."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'll do whatever I can to make that happen," Mariah assured him, "And I'll get Sam to help too."/p
p class="MsoNormal"When Demetrius gave him a hug, Sebastian was taken aback. Luckily, his step-father was distracted enough that he didn't pick up on Sebastian's discomfort. His heart dropped into his stomach when he saw what had once been his bedroom. Mariah had told him that it wasn't his space any more, but he wasn't prepared for actually seeing it. His smaller, mostly unused desk with his old back-up computer was in the same corner he'd previously worked from, now with just a stool. His bed remained in place, and some of his posters remained on the wall, but otherwise the room was foreign. Obviously his other belongings were at the house and couldn't possibly be here, but he truly felt like he'd stepped into another universe. The darkness of the room hadn't changed, which was a much needed relief. Mariah somehow orchestrated it so that he only had to move things within the house and didn't have to go out into the sun to put them in the truck. His head pounded the entire time and he was honestly a bit afraid he was going to pass out. Sebastian decided against telling Mariah or Sam./p
p class="MsoNormal"Just when he was at his breaking point, they were done and on their way down the mountain. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanHe breathed a sigh of relief in the truck, pressing his head against the cool glass of the window with his eyes closed. The trip was beyond short, but the slight reprieve was still welcome. Sebastian's ever present headache abated slightly as they got further down the mountain. Maybe Mariah had been onto something./p
p class="MsoNormal""How are you holding up?" she asked him softly when they stopped./p
p class="MsoNormal"He shrugged, "Not great. Better than at the house though."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah didn't have the chance to say anything else before Demetrius opened up the truck door and they got to setting up the community center. By the time they got to the community center Sebastian was ready to lie down. Once again the increased distance from his childhood home helped improve his throbbing head. By the time they arrived at Pam's house, the beauty of which surprised Sebastian, he was feeling normal enough that he could fake his way through lunch. Mariah and Sam flanked him, helping run interference and acting as supports./p
p class="MsoNormal"As awkward as Sebastian felt during the lunch, it did serve for the crush he had on his wife to deepen. She was funny, smart, and sweet. In fact, he could tell what a strong relationship they had because Mariah was doing little things for him without even realizing. She refilled his water glass before he even had the chance to ask for the pitcher, she passed on the last green tea mochi so he could have it instead, and fixed his coffee just the way he liked it before he even knew the coffee was available. She also knew exactly when he needed saving in the conversation. Being around Mariah was just easy. He also got to see a different side of Mariah as a parent, a more fun and relaxed side. Sebastian was utterly charmed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian was prepared for his headache returning with a vengeance as they went back up the mountain, but was not prepared for how much worse it got by the time they reached the spa. He was doubled over in pain. It felt like his head was going to split open. He was getting completely flooded with stimuli between the pain and the flashes of memories. He was vaguely aware of Mariah freaking out beside him. Someone, somewhere was screaming, he just wasn't sure if it was inside of his head or happening in real time. He lost any sense of what was going on around him. It was as if he'd blinked and ended up in a bed somewhere, though he wasn't sure where. Mariah was sitting in a chair next the bed, sobbing. Sebastian could hear voices of other people were in the room, not that he had a clue as to what they were saying. He reached out to Mariah, his eyes fluttering, before they shut entirely and he was lost into the void./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian rubbed his eyes, reeling to come up with a response as his brain took it's sweet time waking up. He was saved by Mariah's sleep addled voice from the other side of the room, "Mommy got too hot and kicked him out of bed sweetie."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Morgan nodded, accepting the answer, "Sorry daddy. Issa baby's fault, not you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thanks," he mumbled./p
p class="MsoNormal""I have breakfast now?" Morgan asked stepping away and looking between them./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah was sitting up now, clearly still trying to fully wake up herself, "Yeah baby. We can have breakfast. Just give us a minute okay? Sorry we slept so late."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay!" Morgan bounded out of the room, and Sebastian heard the TV go on in the living room./p
p class="MsoNormal"He looked over at Mariah in the bed. If the sleeping in hadn't been enough, the way she looked was proof that she'd had a rough night as well. Sebastian knew he'd had some bad dreams, but he couldn't remember them. He just had a lingering, vague feeling of uneasiness. The pair moved slowly, stretching and allowing their brains to become more conscious./p
p class="MsoNormal""This reminds me of how I felt when I heard you thanking Maru for the drops for my bouquet. I heard it, but it didn't seem like it was real," Sebastian said when he finally stood up./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah turned to look at him wide eyed, "You remember that?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sebastian said, feeling surprised himself. It hadn't even occurred to him that this was a new memory, "Yeah I guess I do."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I guess yesterday's shit show was good for something," she mumbled, rubbing her head, "I'm not going to bother asking if you remember anything else, because you probably don't know. Even if you did, I'm not sure I'm awake enough to have that conversation."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah last night was rough," Sebastian agreed, "Sorry it hit you too."/p
p class="MsoNormal""It is what it is," Mariah shrugged, "But I'll definitely be having that cup of coffee today."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh shit," Sebastian said, stopping in his tracks, drawing Mariah's attention once more, "I just realized today's the rehearsal."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah blinked, and let out a long breath, "Yup. Yes, it is. It will be fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure herself or him. She was out the door and on her way to the bathroom, pausing only to tell Morgan she could only watch one episode of whatever show was on./p
p class="MsoNormal""What do you want for breakfast kiddo?" Sebastian asked, making his way to the kitchen./p
p class="MsoNormal""I has pancakes?" Morgan asked hopefully. Based on her tone, Sebastian guessed that pancakes were a special treat for her. He wasn't sure if he should say yes or no./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hmmmm," he mused aloud hoping the stalling tactic would give Mariah time to finish in the bathroom so he didn't make a poor choice./p
p class="MsoNormal""Fine," Morgan huffed, "I has oatmeal and sy-rope."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian chuckled at her toddler pronunciation, "Oatmeal and syrup it is." That was easy. Plus he was more confident in his oatmeal making skills than he was with pancakes. He went to make the coffee, pleasantly surprised to see that it had already been prepped and all he had to do was turn it on. He found the oatmeal, following the instructions written on the packaging. He stood in the kitchen, taking inventory of how he was feeling, both physically and mentally as he waited for the milk to boil and the coffee to finish brewing./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah came out of the bathroom looking fresher, but still worn out. She immediately disappeared into the bedroom, presumably to go get dressed. Sebastian checked the milk before going into the bathroom himself. When he was done, the milk was boiling and the coffee was done brewing. He turned the milk down and added the oats before pouring himself a cup of coffee. He hadn't noticed Mariah come out of the bedroom, but heard it when her phone rang loudly behind him. He jumped, slipping hot coffee on himself. He cursed, putting the cup down in front of him and hastily pulling his now soaked shirt off him to get away from the scalding heat./p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb are you okay?" Mariah asked, moving closer to him, her phone still ringing./p
p class="MsoNormal"He flinched again, covering himself with his arms to shield himself from her view, "Fine," he practically snapped, itching to get himself covered up again. He bumped into her shoulder as he brushed by, rushing to get a shirt on. He caught a glimpse of the look of hurt that flashed across her face from his behavior. He heard her answering the phone as he went to the bedroom to pull on a shirt. Once the fabric hit his skin he got a sense of relief, followed by a dose of guilt. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"She knows about your past and has seen your scars before dumbass. You were rude to her for no reason. All she was doing was checking to see if you were okay. You need to apologize to her. But then she's going to brush it off and be like, 'no big deal, you were under stress, it was just your instinct, blah, blah, blah.'/em Sebastian sighed, and made his way back out of the bedroom. Mariah was still on the phone, nodding her head at what was being said./p
p class="MsoNormal""My oatmeal ready daddy?" Morgan asked, blinking up at him briefly before returning her attention to the TV./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not quite," Sebastian answered, trying to keep his tone normal, "It'll be done soon."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh, yeah, if we can work that out, that would probably be good," he heard Mariah from the kitchen./p
p class="MsoNormal"The open floor plan doing them no favors in terms of privacy. He knew that she likely didn't care if he heard what she was saying, but just the same Sebastian tried to tune Mariah out while checking on the oatmeal. He gave his coffee cup the evil eye as if it had been at fault. He stirred the oatmeal, which was starting to thicken. He busied himself with looking for a maple syrup while he waited for Mariah to finish her conversation so he could apologize to her. He found it in the fridge and placed the jug on the counter./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey," Mariah's voice was soft, but still got his attention, "Are you okay? I'm sorry my phone startled you like that. Are you hurt? Did you get burned?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Not your fault at all," Sebastian insisted, "I'm fine. But I owe you an apology. I overreacted. You didn't deserve my brusqueness."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb," Mariah began, his predictions coming true, "It's not your fault either. It was just instinctual. Can't fight habit. Not a big deal. I didn't take it personally."/p
p class="MsoNormal""But it still hurt your feelings. Even if for a moment," he shook his head, "I saw the look on your face. You can't deny it."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't owe me anything," she insisted, taking a hold of his hand and pressing his coffee cup into his palm. Sebastian could feel warmth that was not just from the mug where their skin met. Mariah tried, and failed, to prevent a shiver from running down her spine. Did she feel it too? "Now," she continued, pulling away from him, "I'll finish the oatmeal so you don't have to."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What else am I going to do?" he asked, "I can take care of this. I'm sure you have better things to do."/p
p class="MsoNormal"She let out a heavy sigh, "You're probably right. Today em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"is/em going to be stressful. Even without everything you're dealing with it's just a busy day. The terrible sleep last night really didn't help matters."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'm sorry," Sebastian shifted his weight from one foot to the other./p
p class="MsoNormal""I've got stuff to talk to you about, but if you're okay in here I'll go take care of the animals real quick. When I come back in we can go over everything," Mariah said, clearly thinking things through in her mind./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," he agreed, glancing over at Morgan who was mindlessly squeezing a stuffed frog watching cartoons, "I can manage."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah gave him a grateful smile that did not reach her eyes, disappearing out the front door. Sebastian zoned out, stirring the oatmeal mindlessly. There was a thought tugging at him that he couldn't quite connect with it. The more he tried to latch onto it the further away it seemed to get. Morgan began giggling at her TV show, breaking him from his stupor. He put her oatmeal into a bowl, calling her to the table. He wasn't sure if they let Morgan eat while watching TV, but he hadn't seen it happen yet, so he didn't want to take a chance. Without any fuss, Morgan turned off the TV and came to eat, confirming to Sebastian that he'd made the right choice. He sat and drank his coffee while Morgan regaled him of the funniest bits of the show she'd been watching. Sebastian nodded along, acting far more invested than he actually was. His exaggerated reactions and well timed chuckles made Morgan beam, which warmed Sebastian's heart./p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah came back inside as Morgan was finishing her oatmeal. She gave their daughter a side hug, kissing the top of her head, before joining them at the table, "Once you're done with breakfast it's time to get dressed. It's a busy day today. You're going to be good for Auntie Abby and Auntie Liz right? And play nice with Sophie. Don't forget she's younger than you so you need to be a good role model."/p
p class="MsoNormal""And 'den party!" Morgan grinned, wiggling in her seat./p
p class="MsoNormal""And then party," Mariah nodded, "But no party dress until later. Just like mommy."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I done!" Morgan said pushing her oatmeal bowl away and sliding down off her seat./p
p class="MsoNormal""Pick out your clothes and bring them down here and I'll help you get dressed," Mariah called after her as she bounded up the stairs. She turned her attention to Sebastian before speaking again, "So we're going to your mom's to help load all the stuff into the trucks and bring it down to the community center and library to set it up."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Why the library?" Sebastian questioned./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's where the ceremony is taking place."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sebastian was surprised, "Okay. Sorry. Go on."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah gave him a smile, "It'll be us, Demetrius, Sam, and Carver volunteered to help too. Not that I'll be much help until it comes to bossing you all around for the set up. Then Pam is hosting lunch for everyone, including the brides, rest of the wedding party, as well as Abby, Liz, and Sophie. Don't worry, your mom is helping so the food won't be terrible. After lunch all of us, minus Abby, Liz, and the kids, are going to the spa, which is much nicer now than your remember it being, for some relaxation stuff that Maru and Penny set up. Then we'll come back home to get changed. I'm praying that Morgan stays clean enough that she won't need a bath beforehand. Then off to the library for the rehearsal, where I'm guessing we're mostly going to make sure that Morgan understands what she's doing. Then back to the community center for the rehearsal dinner where you'll give your speech."/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's a long fucking day," Sebastian sighed, squeezing his eyes closed in frustration when he saw Morgan had returned. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Fuck did I just swear in front of her? Shit./em Mariah didn't seem phased, and Morgan didn't say anything so Sebastian breathed an internal sigh of relief./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay," Mariah said, switching gears to helping Morgan change, "So you remember what Mommy said about today?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Daddy say it a long fu-king day," Morgan stated proudly. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Shiiiiiiiiit./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah kept her cool, "Daddy did say that, but I was asking about what Mommy told you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Mommy say to no get dirty," Morgan said./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's right," Mariah confirmed for her, "Do you remember why?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I has to be clean for my party dress," Morgan nodded solemnly./p
p class="MsoNormal""Exactly," Mariah agreed, "I'm so proud of you for remembering that."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You proud of me too?" Morgan turned to Sebastian./p
p class="MsoNormal""Absolutely," Sebastian assured her, "I'm very proud of you."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I be a good flower girl," she informed him, "Aunt Maru and Auntie Penny give me the im-po-tent job cause I a big girl"/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's right baby," Mariah smiled at her./p
p class="MsoNormal""You're going to be a great flower girl," Sebastian added, smiling at the girl, "I'm sure of it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Charlie came running into the house with an excited bark, wagging his tail and Morgan chased after him, laughing as she went./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry," Sebastian said, blushing, unable to look at Mariah./p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't worry about it," Mariah dismissed, "Not the first time she's heard or said that word. Ignoring it has worked. She hasn't repeated it anywhere else, so far anyway. I'm sure we won't be able to avoid having that conversation with her for too much longer. For now, since we haven't made a big deal about it, the swear words she's heard or repeated don't register to her as special in any way, so she's not tempted to repeat them for the reaction from other people yet."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I feel a bit better about it now," Sebastian sighed, still not wanting to look at her, until he felt the warm sensation of her touch on his arm./p
p class="MsoNormal""You did really great just now. Cut yourself some slack," she pat him gently before pulling her hand away./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian couldn't quite figure out what happened to the rest of the morning. Everything just blurred by until he found himself sitting in the truck heading up the mountain once more. His anxiety was steadily increasing. He knew Mariah said that his relationship with Demetrius had improved but he couldn't picture it and certainly didn't know how to interact with his step-dad well still. He was hoping that they'd be so busy that they wouldn't really have to talk. He could feel a headache coming on as they got closer to the house. Sebastian closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, trying to manage his stress to prevent a panic attack the same way it'd happened the day before./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Bash," Mariah chuckled next to him, "You don't need to stress out like this. Unless you don't trust me anymore."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I just don't love being blindfolded," he grumbled, clutching the seat, intensely aware of the vibrations of the truck./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Well that's just too bad, since the blindfold is necessary to keep the surprise a surprise," he could hear the smile in her voice./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Yeah, yeah," he said, "I guess I'm just not fully convinced you're not a serial killer yet. I may have made some poor life choices."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Mariah snorted, "Sure. Yup. Let's go with that. I got your sperm. The baby is healthy and is now sleeping through the night. Robin is overjoyed at being a grandparent and I've got a near never ending supply of baby sitters. So you're right. Your purpose has been fulfilled and it's time I take you out."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I knew it," Sebastian sighed dramatically shaking his head, "Never should have let me guard down."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""You okay Seb?" Mariah sounded concerned./p
p class="MsoNormal""Headache," he said, "And a memory."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Like yesterday?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, not like that. Just one. Of you and me. And it didn't feel bad," Sebastian explained./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh," Sebastian suspected that Mariah was trying to not appear too enthusiastic about this news./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not that all of the memories yesterday were bad either. Just most of them."/p
p class="MsoNormal""How bad is the headac-" Mariah began asking when Sebastian was hit with a sharp pain, wincing and letting out an involuntary gasp, "Headache. Getting worse huh? Hmmm"/p
p class="MsoNormal""What?" Sebastian asked, his voice small and unsteady./p
p class="MsoNormal""It's just that the same thing happened yesterday when we got close to your mom's house right? I'm just wondering if it's related," Mariah said, pausing to see if Sebastian had a response, "Maybe it's like your brain is trying to reconcile things. The house is what you know so going back there it's trying get you back to where you were six years ago, but you can't so this keeps happening?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Hm," was all Sebastian could get out. He couldn't focus too much on what she had said, the pain in his head getting increasingly worse./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Seb?" he heard Maru calling from the house. style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" He hastily stubbed out his joint as she called his name again, coming closer. He shoved the half smoked spliff into his pocket, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Seriously Seb?" he could hear the irritation in her voice, "I know you heard me. You can't respond?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""S-sorry," he turned from the lake to look at her, "Was zoning. What's up?" he tried to act casual./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I wanted to see if you wanted to watch a movie with me," Maru said, "Popcorn and everything."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Err, no thanks," Sebastian shook his head. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Maru frowned, "You can pick the movie."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Thanks, but I just want to be alone," Sebastian insisted./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Okay," she sighed, opening her mouth to say more and then closing it again, "If you change your mind…"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Yeah I'll let you know," he nodded./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"He heard Maru muttering under her breath about how he was alone /emallem style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" of the time as she walked away. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian felt the warmth of Mariah's touch on his arm, "Do you need to get out of here?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Morgan was crying loudly in Sebastian's arms. His heart was racing as he pushed his way into the house, the combination of her sobs and the blood dripping from her leg spiking his anxiety, "Mom! Mom!"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Whoa, whoa, what's going on?" Demetrius came rushing down the hallway, "Robin's out on a delivery. What happened?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""She tripped and tumbled down the hill and hit that shrine thing and ended up in the bush," Sebastian blurted out, "It's all my fault, I should have been holding onto her hand tighter. Or grabbed her or something."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""I'm sure it looks worse than it is. Let's get her cleaned up and I'll call Maru."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""Seb?" Mariah's voice was a bit louder, and she squeezed his arm./p
p class="MsoNormal"He shook his head, trying to fight through the pain and focus on her, "I…"/p
p class="MsoNormal""It'll be okay," she assured him, "Let me get you out of here."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No," he choked out./p
p class="MsoNormal""No?" he was able to focus on Mariah's worried face for a moment./p
p class="MsoNormal""No. I have to fight through it. I have to keep going," he stated, Mariah frown increasing as he spoke./p
p class="MsoNormal""No you don't," she argued, "You're in pain, let me help you. You don't have to do this."/p
p class="MsoNormal"His eyes began watering as he tried to push away the pain, "I do have to. I have to pretend to be normal."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You don't," Mariah began but Sebastian cut her off./p
p class="MsoNormal""I do," he became louder, "It's just a headache. I can move stuff with a headache. This is my choice. You have to let me make my own choices."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sebastian you're practically in tears. This isn't a normal headache you can just pop a pain killer and get rid of," Mariah said./p
p class="MsoNormal"He pushed her hand off his arm, "You think I don't know that? I'm not an idiot. I told you, it's my choice, just drop it."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah sighed, flinching slightly at the rejection, but nodded her head, "What can I do for you? Please. Anything I can do to help tell me."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I will," Sebastian agreed, not knowing what she could possibly do, but feeling somewhat reassured by her support, "I think right now staying somewhere not too bright and not having to talk to too many people is what I need."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I'll do whatever I can to make that happen," Mariah assured him, "And I'll get Sam to help too."/p
p class="MsoNormal"When Demetrius gave him a hug, Sebastian was taken aback. Luckily, his step-father was distracted enough that he didn't pick up on Sebastian's discomfort. His heart dropped into his stomach when he saw what had once been his bedroom. Mariah had told him that it wasn't his space any more, but he wasn't prepared for actually seeing it. His smaller, mostly unused desk with his old back-up computer was in the same corner he'd previously worked from, now with just a stool. His bed remained in place, and some of his posters remained on the wall, but otherwise the room was foreign. Obviously his other belongings were at the house and couldn't possibly be here, but he truly felt like he'd stepped into another universe. The darkness of the room hadn't changed, which was a much needed relief. Mariah somehow orchestrated it so that he only had to move things within the house and didn't have to go out into the sun to put them in the truck. His head pounded the entire time and he was honestly a bit afraid he was going to pass out. Sebastian decided against telling Mariah or Sam./p
p class="MsoNormal"Just when he was at his breaking point, they were done and on their way down the mountain. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanHe breathed a sigh of relief in the truck, pressing his head against the cool glass of the window with his eyes closed. The trip was beyond short, but the slight reprieve was still welcome. Sebastian's ever present headache abated slightly as they got further down the mountain. Maybe Mariah had been onto something./p
p class="MsoNormal""How are you holding up?" she asked him softly when they stopped./p
p class="MsoNormal"He shrugged, "Not great. Better than at the house though."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Mariah didn't have the chance to say anything else before Demetrius opened up the truck door and they got to setting up the community center. By the time they got to the community center Sebastian was ready to lie down. Once again the increased distance from his childhood home helped improve his throbbing head. By the time they arrived at Pam's house, the beauty of which surprised Sebastian, he was feeling normal enough that he could fake his way through lunch. Mariah and Sam flanked him, helping run interference and acting as supports./p
p class="MsoNormal"As awkward as Sebastian felt during the lunch, it did serve for the crush he had on his wife to deepen. She was funny, smart, and sweet. In fact, he could tell what a strong relationship they had because Mariah was doing little things for him without even realizing. She refilled his water glass before he even had the chance to ask for the pitcher, she passed on the last green tea mochi so he could have it instead, and fixed his coffee just the way he liked it before he even knew the coffee was available. She also knew exactly when he needed saving in the conversation. Being around Mariah was just easy. He also got to see a different side of Mariah as a parent, a more fun and relaxed side. Sebastian was utterly charmed./p
p class="MsoNormal"Sebastian was prepared for his headache returning with a vengeance as they went back up the mountain, but was not prepared for how much worse it got by the time they reached the spa. He was doubled over in pain. It felt like his head was going to split open. He was getting completely flooded with stimuli between the pain and the flashes of memories. He was vaguely aware of Mariah freaking out beside him. Someone, somewhere was screaming, he just wasn't sure if it was inside of his head or happening in real time. He lost any sense of what was going on around him. It was as if he'd blinked and ended up in a bed somewhere, though he wasn't sure where. Mariah was sitting in a chair next the bed, sobbing. Sebastian could hear voices of other people were in the room, not that he had a clue as to what they were saying. He reached out to Mariah, his eyes fluttering, before they shut entirely and he was lost into the void./p
