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Summary: Valerie discovers how many Dans it takes to screw in a lightbulb, along with other ridiculous shenanigans from behind the scenes of Dan and Valerie's hit TV show, Enemy.
Chapter warnings: Language and sexual innuendoes.
Deliverance
Chapter 63: Intermission: Bloopers Reel, Part 3
Behind the Scenes (Camera 02)
Deep within Hart Studios' filming quarters for the TV show Enemy, two bone-tired actors limped their way off the set. "What the hell," Valerie moaned, pulling off her armored helmet. She cast it thoughtlessly onto a nearby chair, unlatching the various armored panels of her battle suit as well. They clattered off of her and onto the cement floor, leaving a trail of metal behind her. "I think you pulled every muscle in my body."
Her companion grumped. "And you wrenched my ear." The infamous Dan Masters raised a hand to his elfin ear, which was still flushed blood-green from abuse, and his handsome face twisted at the ongoing sparks of pain. "How dare you."
"Hart said to make it believable," Valerie complained.
"You know how sensitive my ears are," Dan hissed, his deep voice a whisper for her alone, his eyes shifting in paranoia of being overhead. "You promised you would never do something like that again."
The woman rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. You had me pinned down. You know my character would never just let you kill her."
"And my character will not forget this level of transgression." He activated his ice powers, the blue glow siphoning from his gloves as he touched his abused ear. "That was a dirty trick."
"Real fighting is dirty."
"You are dirty."
She flickered an annoyed gaze to him. "Yeah? Well, I just busted your butt in legit combat."
The ghost huffed. "You did not just best me—I let you win. That is part of the script."
"Oh, sure. Blame it on the script."
He quickened his pace to keep up with her, glowering darkly. "You know what my full capabilities are. If I unleashed them, you and this entire building would crumble into pieces."
"And yet I just wiped the floor with you by yanking on your ear," Valerie said dryly. "You yelped like a hyena or something." She then proceeded to cut in front of him to sit down in the massage chair—a luxury that Hart had gifted them after realizing the physical wear and tear both Dan and Valerie endured to portray genuine combat.
Except, he had bought only one chair.
She sat back in the massage chair and turned it on, sighing in pleasure as it began to work, its state-of-the-art electronics pinpointing her every pain and pressing deep into her muscles. "Ahh."
Dan stared in jealousy. "Why do you get the chair?"
"Because I'm the one in more pain."
"Sharing is caring, Valerie."
"Fuck you."
Then his red eyes began to glow, and he smiled. He reached out to her and slipped in, overshadowing Valerie's body before she could protest. Her eyes lit up with a circle of red, and he sunk into her body easily enough. Her voice now echoed, intertwined with his own. "Ahh," he said. "There. Sharing."
Inside her own body, Valerie's consciousness raged in anger. You space invader, get the hell out of me!
"That is what she said," Dan sighed as he felt the massage chair hit pained shoulder blades.
Valerie fell silent, fuming within the confines of her own consciousness. Sharing a body made her feel as if she were attempting to walk through a door at the same time as someone else—squished, uncomfortable, unable to move an inch either way. It was a vast improvement from being completely knocked out, but not nice enough to make her enjoy her new awareness. She muttered under her breath to him, How the hell do you even fit inside me? You're fucking huge.
Valerie's physical body hummed with a laugh. "Do not ask that out loud," Dan murmured triumphantly. "I would have to answer, and you would blush if you realized the double entendre."
Wait, what double ent—oh. Oh. Dammit, Dan.
"You are most welcome."
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 01
In the middle of recording, one of the great lights above the set flickered and died. Darkness fell over Valerie just as Dan had locked her into a tight, painful hold—and it threw off their entire fight. The two of them froze in position, Dan's grip slacking on her in surprise.
"Cut!" Hart Butchman's voice was hard with disappointment. "Somebody—we need a tech in here to get that light fixed right now. Valerie, Dan, take a break."
Dan looked up at a clock on the wall and groaned. "It is already far past dinner time. How long are you suggesting we stay?"
"Hard to tell. Might take a while since that bulb's so high up."
The ghost eyed the burnt-out bulb high above their heads. He wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep. So he said, "I can fly up and fix it far more quickly than a human with a ladder. Give me the bulb."
And soon enough, one crew member handed Dan a shiny new bulb.
In his hurry to fix it, he absentmindedly tightened his grip on the new bulb, and suddenly it broke in his hand, the glass pieces scattering to the floor with a sound that made a nearby cameraperson flinch. He blinked and looked down at his hand and the remains of the bulb.
Then he looked up, eyes wide in panic. "I did not do that intentionally."
.
The second time he tried, it wouldn't screw into the socket. He floated high above the set, his red eyes narrowed as he tried to jam the bulb into the space. It flickered for a second before breaking—this time scattering broken glass pieces to the floor that flew in several directions. Valerie rolled her eyes as she raised her armored arm to block the onslaught.
.
The third time Dan tried to fix the bulb, with an awaiting crew nervously watching with brooms and shields on standby, he still could not get the bulb to fit. He then cloned himself—one clone to hold the lighting fixture in place and one clone to then turn the bulb into its socket.
The lightbulb flickered for a second or two before it died, and Dan pulled it out of the socket
"So let me get this straight," Valerie called up to him. "You can lift fucking 84 tons of military-grade steel, but you can't screw in a lightbulb?"
"Shut up," he hissed.
Behind the Scenes (Camera 03)
Producer Hartman Butch sat at his computer in his office, eyes narrowed in mischief as he typed away.
Dan materialized behind him, arms crossed. "I thought I heard the sound of typing," he declared in suspicion. "What sort of traumatic fan service do you have cooked up for Valerie and me now, hmm?"
Hartman waved him off. "Oh, it's nothing," he said. "I'm just responding to a post I wrote about how, in the Enemy universe, ghosts aren't really dead."
The ghost's face twisted. "…What?"
"You heard me."
This time, Dan appeared almost concerned. "Hart," he said, waving to himself in a most serious manner, "I am dead. You realize this."
"Yes."
"But you are saying ghosts are not dead?"
"Yep. In the Enemy universe, ghosts are simply living monsters."
"That is the most ridiculous drivel I have heard from you yet, next to us being from something called a Ghost Zone. How dare you profane my kind."
"I know." The producer smiled, almost evilly. "It's angered a lot of people."
Dan glared at him. "As it well should. How would you like it if I said that human beings are not in fact alive but instead figments of a ghost's imagination, hmm?"
The producer shrugged. "Just look at the viewer rates on our show's forums and Netflix channel. Everyone is in a frenzy to prove me wrong. I'm doing what needs to be done."
Suddenly, the ghost began to understand, despite his irritation. "You mean to say, you are deliberately angering fans into interacting with our channels so that our show does not get canceled at next month's review meeting?"
"Yep."
Dan paused. "That is a plan almost diabolical enough for my character. Well done, Hart." Then he added, "But you will still find moldy cheese in your desk drawers for insulting my people."
And then the ghost materialized out of the office, and it left the producer in a chill, feeling a sinking suspicion that more than just his desk would fall victim to Dan's cheese attacks.
Behind the Scenes (Camera 04)
Dan mindlessly flipped through his phone, reading through the fanfiction site that Valerie had introduced him to. The page for Enemy was sparse in comparison to the other shows listed on the site. He scrolled through, only halfway paying attention. Most of the stories appeared to be montages of the canon Valerie/Kwan, with a little Paulina/Dash on the side. A few of them were Paulina/Nathan, which made him snort.
Then he scrolled across a single Phantom/Valerie story. His power core jolted just a bit at the words on the screen. Its summary read, The Red Huntress is hiding a dark secret. Carefully, he looked side to side to ensure no one was watching over his shoulder. And then he opened the story.
.
"Valerie dear," Phantom murmured in her ear. "I ache for you again." He grabbed onto her hips and jammed her between himself and a wall.
The Red Huntress gasped in surprise, her face lighting up with a blush. "N-no," she said. Their interlocked hips made her burn with desire. "You bastard. W-we….shouldn't."
He hummed as he leaned in and ghosted his lips against hers. "I know." And then he began to unlatch her armor as he kissed her fully, then whispered in her ear, "But we both enjoyed it yesterday, did we not? When you were gasping out my name?"
Her breath hitched. His hands were pulling apart her armor, stripping her of defenses one panel at a time. "I can't do that again," she said, voice halted. "Not with you."
Her armor clattered to the ground. "Then stop me," he challenged softly.
.
"—Damn," Dan whispered under his breath as he read more and more, eyebrows flying up in surprise at both the fanfiction and himself. Was it getting hot in the room? Was he blushing?
"Yeah," Nathan's awed voice came in. "Wow. You guys are doing the dirty."
Startled, Dan nearly dropped his phone. There was Nathan, peering over his side to stare at the story. "What the—? How did you even…?" The ghost, caught red-handed, looked at Nathan, then down at the phone, his face blushing a deep green in embarrassment. He shoved the phone back into his pocket quickly to hide the evidence.
The supporting actor said dryly, "I was trying to get your attention, but you wouldn't budge. So I came over to see what was going on." He'd taken off his coke bottle glasses to read the screen, but his hair was still teased into a wild bird's nest, which made him look like something of a mad scientist—especially with his Cheshire grin.
Dan remained frozen for a time, his face still unnaturally flushed. He swallowed hard. "I was just…curious. I did not know it would become so—"
"—Sure, sure." Nathan patted his shoulder. "Repressed feelings. Denial. I get it."
The ghost's eyes narrowed to hot slits. "That is not what I mean."
"Right," the other man said, unconvinced. "In that case, you won't care to know what Valerie did when I found her reading the same thing."
"Wait. What?"
"Come on, dude—there's free lunch in the break room today, and the turkey actually looks like turkey."
"Did you say Valerie read this?"
Nathan ignored him, walking away. "They even have cookies," he called over his shoulder. "Chocolate chip and snickerdoodles—the good stuff."
Dan began to trail after him, frustrated and still flushed. "What did she do when she read this? You must tell me!"
Behind the Scenes (Security Camera 15)
At 11:00 at night, Hart left the studio, disgruntled after not completing next week's script. But as he walked up to his luxury car, his jaw dropped. There, in the driver's seat, was a gigantic cheese wheel.
He face-faulted.
Behind the Scenes (Cameras 04 and 06)
"Hide me," Dan begged, moving behind Valerie and going invisible, his costume's cape fluttering behind him.
Eyes wide, she could feel his presence and the tight grip of his fingers upon her arms. "What the hell—?"
"—Fangirls," he whispered, his baritone voice strained with panic. "Hart betrayed us and has let them into the studio if they show VIP passes." His fingers tightened on her arm. "I cannot take being forcibly undressed again. Or the hair-pulling. Or the squealing. I will most surely die."
"You're already dead," Valerie said flatly.
Dan hissed in her ear, "It is a figure of speech."
"I thought you liked all the attention."
The ghost added, desperate, "Not this kind of attention. I am unsure if they are even human or ghost. I think they are some new kind of monster, unlike any other."
"…You were the one who put the cheese in Hart's car, huh."
"Is this him punishing me?"
Suddenly, the sound of girly squeals reached his sensitive hearing.
"Oh, he's punishing you alright." Valerie's eyes swiveled to the double doors leading to the studio's main halls. The doors began to open—and in flooded a gaggle of fangirls and some fanboys, all of them wearing anti-invisibility goggles, provided by Hart.
Valerie looked back down at her script in disinterest while Dan whined in increasing panic.
Bloopers Reel (Season 2)
"Dammit," Valerie cried, slamming her blaster down onto the table in defeat.
The device suddenly activated, and it shot out a bright green goop.
Off-set, there came a sudden noise of surprise and disgust from one Dan Masters, and Valerie froze. She broke character and dared to turn her eyes to the man in question, who stood in shock. His immaculate costume was splattered bright green across his chest, with various blobs of goop trailing up to his eye and matting his hair. The gun's blast had been designed to mimic ghost blood as a special effect. It made Dan appear heavily injured, just as he had in their previous scene.
He stomped his way toward the set.
"You," he hissed. "I just got cleaned up."
Valerie suddenly squealed in terror.
.
"Dammit," Valerie cried, slamming her blaster down onto the table in defeat.
This time, the device did not activate. Kwan, per his lines, came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"Don't call me that," she snapped half-heartedly.
"Why not?" Kwan murmured in her ear. Since the start of their on-screen romance, it had become easier to pretend. His actions were smoother, as were hers.
"I just…I'm not in the mood."
He feigned disappointment. "You saved Amity Park. You pushed that monster back into the shadows for at least a good week. You deserve all the love you can get."
"I have a lot on my mind, okay?" she snapped once more. "I don't need anyone trying to romance me right now."
This time, a deep discomfort overcame Kwan. "Is it because you'd rather have Phantom romancing you?"
She blinked in surprise. "What?"
"…Cut!" Hart suddenly called out. Then he added, voice strained, "Dammit, Nathan. I know you're the one changing scripts!"
The man's red head suddenly dropped down behind a rack of clothes.
.
"Dammit," Valerie cried, slamming her blaster down onto the table in defeat.
Kwan dutifully appeared behind her, wrapping his arms around her. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"
She huffed, pained. "Don't call me that."
"Why not?"
And then Valerie froze. "Because I—hmm." Her sculpted brows furrowed, and then she paused. "I don't remember why—oh my god, I forgot my line." She laughed nervously. "I'm sorry. That was terrible."
And offset, one disinterested Dan, hair still wet from bathing once again, flipped through a magazine. "The name of Valerie and Kwan's sex tape," he muttered under his breath.
But she heard him.
This time, she picked up the blaster, activated it, and shot him once again with the green goop.
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 01
Valerie stood next to the producer, and then her face twisted. "Okay, why do you smell like cheese?"
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 06
Dan was scrolling through his (new) phone. "Valerie," he called, "I do believe emus are in fact your spirit animal. Get this: 'Emus can become aggressive and unpredictable during breeding season or when frightened. They require a lot of space and food. They better tolerate companionship if the person imprints on them at an early age; otherwise, they are somewhat hostile.'" His smile was dark with laughter at her expense. "This fits you perfectly."
She whacked him with her script. "…Aggressive and unpredictable during breeding season? They require a lot of food? What the hell are you trying to say about me, huh?"
He shrugged. "Simply that you are an emu."
Her eyes narrowed to slits. "You know that part about imprinting at an early age?"
"…Yes?"
"It's not gonna work for you." And then she whacked him again, this time upside the head. "Better watch it, buddy."
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 01
"Dan," Hart said in his megaphone, sitting beside various cameras. "Stop fidgeting. You don't look evil when you fidget."
"I am not fidgeting," Dan snapped in displeasure. "I simply have a problem." He discreetly moved again, turning his face away from the cameras. He bared his fang and touched his teeth, no longer able to stand it. His voice grew muffled. "Hair in my mouth."
The producer paused, looking somewhat incredulous. Dan had been in the same costume for hours without trouble. "What is hair doing in your mouth?"
The powerful ghost huffed as he turned around. His face was a grimace as he held a single strand of white hair between his fingers. It was still flickering about of its own volition. "It moved in that direction when I yawned."
Hart's face twisted in disgust as he stared at the hair. "And it's still moving? It's not even attached to you anymore." Then he quickly added, "No—no, don't just throw it on the ground! We're shooting a scene here, I can't have your hair wiggling around everywhere."
By this point, the entire shoot was derailed. Valerie, who stood not far away, snorted in derision. "Try sharing a bathroom with him. It's like a house of horrors."
Dan glared at her. "I used your brush once."
"And I was scarred for life," she retorted.
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 06
"Oh my god," Valerie moaned helplessly, grabbing onto Dan's arm. "He is so hot."
Dan tilted his head as he stared at Valerie's celebrity interest. It was some human man who'd been paid to guest-star on their next episode. The man was tall with a dark complexion. "He looks like he is maintaining homeostatic temperatures to me."
Valerie elbowed him in the ribs. "You know what I meant."
"But surely you do not think this twig is sexually attractive?" Dan complained. His demeanor had grown defensive and taciturn ever since the other actor had entered the building.
"Are you kidding me? He got 'sexiest man of the year' a few weeks ago."
"I got the same title last year."
"It doesn't count when it's you."
He huffed. "I could beat that twig into a bloody pulp. My face is adored by humans and ghosts alike. I will go down in history as the first ghost to be the sexiest man of the year. In what way do I not count?"
He felt that ugly rearing of jealousy once more—but this time, it was more difficult to rein it in.
Valerie patted his arm. "Because I grew up with you, dude."
He missed the way she turned her face and pulled from him, as if desperately trying to distract herself. He glowered instead and stared at his rival for Valerie's attention.
That man had to die.
Behind the Scenes (Camera 04)
"What do you think?"
Dan absentmindedly reached out to the cape, and the instant his blue fingers touched it, he snatched away his hand, nearly hissing. "Get this away from me," he demanded, his eyes lighting orange in disgust—and fear?
The costume designer huffed. She held the cape out again. "What's wrong with it?"
"It is velvet," the ghost hissed. "I hate velvet."
The woman sputtered. "What?"
Valerie was sitting nearby, reading something on her phone. "It's a texture thing," she said, bored. "If you ever need to herd him somewhere, just swing it at him. It's like spraying water at a cat."
The costume designer tentatively swung the velvet cape. Dan narrowly avoided it, stepping back, wide-eyed. "Do not dare," he said quickly. "Valerie, stop giving her ideas."
She smiled. "What if I threw it at you during a scene? Would you scream?"
"I do not scream," he retorted, still eyeing the velvet in suspicion.
Valerie put down her phone and held out her hands. "Give me the cape," she said mischievously. "I need his ultimate weakness if I'm ever going to defeat him."
Dan looked genuinely frightened. "No—Valerie with velvet is a terrible idea. Do not give it to her."
"Oh, please. He just doesn't want to cry on camera."
The costume designer looked between Dan and Val, a bit overwhelmed. She tentatively said, "I am going to set this cape down on the floor. And you two can decide what happens to it." And she dropped it there, backing away from the two odd co-stars.
Dan and Val looked at each other for one second. And then she lunged for the cape, and he lunged for her. "No, you don't—!"
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 04
"Okay, why is the bloopers reel called the Boopers Reel?" Nathan called out dryly. "Did no one seriously catch that, or was that intentional? Guys? Anyone?"
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 01
"And this was when we were thirteen," Valerie was saying merrily to some of her co-stars, holding up a small picture she'd hidden in her wallet. "My dad took the picture. Dan was trying to show off muscles he didn't have."
Star and Paulina giggled. "Oh my goodness," Paulina squealed. "Look at him. He was so tiny! And his hair was so short!"
The little Dan in the picture had big gum-drop red eyes and tiny fangs. As he stood, smiling cheekily for the camera, he appeared to be flexing his arms, which were little more than sticks. The clothes he wore were from a second-hand store—all that Valerie's little family could afford for him—and were baggy.
"You should sell that picture to magazines," Star said, still giggling as she swept her long, blond hair over her shoulder. "You'd make a killing off of it."
Valerie huffed in amusement. "He'd probably kill me if I did."
Suddenly, the temperature of the room cooled, and a baritone voice hissed, "I am going to kill you for showing it to anyone."
The woman's eyes widened as Dan materialized into view, disgruntled. He swiped it from her hands, glaring at her, then at Paulina and Star. The two other women waved and giggled, their perception of Dan as a suave and mysterious coworker now dashed by his adorableness.
"How dare you show them noodle-me," Dan hissed to Valerie, red eyes hot. "You said you shredded that picture."
She tried to defend herself. "They didn't believe that we grew up together. And how can I shred it for real? It's too cute."
Dan growled at her, his handsome face twisting. "Very well, then. You asked for this." He suddenly pulled out his wallet, and he quickly thumbed through it to find a particular blackmail image of Valerie.
Her face suddenly paled. "Oh no."
"Oh, yes."
"Not that picture."
"You asked for it." He flipped the image over to Paulina and Star. "If you think me ridiculous as a child, then Valerie was doubly so."
Paulina and Star leaned forward to stare at the old photo, and then they both began to giggle again. It was an image of a very young Valerie, perhaps six or seven, making kissy faces at herself in a mirror with red lipstick all over her face and chubby cheeks. She was wearing an old dress of her mother's that hung off her tiny body in piles.
Valerie's eye twitched. "How dare you still have that photo."
Dan mocked cheekily, throwing her words back at her, "How could I shred it? It was too cute."
Paulina cooed. "Oh, you were so precious—dios mio, you two!" She grabbed the photos from Dan and pulled them to her chest where he would not dare to try grabbing them back. "These are going up on the board. They have to go there."
The board in the script reading room held a collection of photos and notes between cast members, as well as the odd schedule or notes from the producer. After Paulina was done with it, the two pictures hung in the middle of the mess, with a messily scrawled caption: Tiny teen noodle Dan and lil' bab Val.
Over the next few days, the baby photos of other actors appeared on the board. Pretty princess Paulina. Big boy Dash meets ketchup. And then someone posted at the top of the board a recent image of Hart Butchman, with the scrawled title, The Stinky Cheese Man.
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 13
Dan stole one of her ear buds, listened for a few seconds, and then said, a bit loudly, "I recognize this song. Is it quite catchy."
They were in the gym, both of them hot and sweaty from exercise. Valerie's eyes slid to him in annoyance that he would interrupt her. She held her thirty-pound weights in her hand. "I'm in the middle of something here."
"You looked like you were having fun," he complained, his voice still too loud. "You cannot have fun without me."
"And why the hell not?" she demanded, quirking a sculpted brow.
He declared, "Because I am miserable from lifting 84-ton tanks, and here you are, wiggling around like a worm while you pick up the weight equivalent of a paper towel."
Her face heated a bit that he would be watching her. "I don't wiggle like a—"
"—Shh, this is the chorus," he interrupted, and then he began to mindlessly hum along.
Meanwhile, one Nathan Green was entering into the gym. He threw his towel over his shoulder, and watched in curiosity as Dan, in all of his maleness, stole Valerie's mp3 player. As Valerie chased him, Dan wildly shouted the lyrics, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours—!"
Nathan blinked. And then he burst out in laughter, raising his fist to cheer on Dan as the ghost narrowly avoided being tackled to the ground.
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 04 and 06
Dan's eyebrows flew up at the text message on his phone, and his jaw dropped. The text message from Valerie said, In lounge. Thirsty for cock. Can I have yours?
His handsome face suddenly burned bright, his blush stretching to the tips of his elfin ears. For a time, he remained frozen in place, rereading the text several times to ensure that he hadn't hallucinated its contents. But there the words remained. His best friend of nearly twenty years was asking for—
And then he barged into the lounge room, face twisted between indignation and a dreadful sense of curiosity. "Valerie, what sort of sick joke is this."
Valerie looked up from her lone seat, where she was reading her lines, and her face twisted in surprise. "What?"
He stomped over, tight-lipped, and turned the phone over for her to read. "What is this."
In lounge. Thirsty for cock. Can I have yours?
And slowly, the color in Valerie's dark skin bloomed into a bright red blush, her eyes widening. "Oh. Oh, god! No, I meant coke. A coke!" She sputtered, waving at Dan's half-empty can of the carbonated drink. "It must have auto-corrected me, I swear."
Dan looked at the innocent drink. A curious disappointment overwhelmed him. "So you wanted my coke."
"Yes," she said quickly, still beet-red. "Jesus, I wouldn't—you didn't think I would actually—?"
He pocketed the phone. "How would I know?" he asked incredulously. "I thought it perhaps another one of your odd human jokes."
"Well. It wasn't."
An awkward moment of silence passed between them. "Then we will never speak of this to anyone," he declared.
"Agreed. And you'll delete that message."
But instead of immediately doing so, Dan quirked a brow. "Or I could keep it for blackmail purposes." He leaned closer to her. "If your phone autocorrects to cock, then what on earth are you doing in your spare time, hmm?"
Her face twitched. Flatly, she said, "Sexting with the new fitness trainer."
And damnably, his face faulted in shock and disgust. "…What."
This time, Valerie was the one to smile. "Just kidding."
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 02
Valerie held up a swatch of cloth to Dan's face. Then she hummed, pulling it away.
He looked up from his script and angled a brow. "Whatever are you doing?"
"Trying to figure out what shade your face is." She looked frustrated. "You're not sweet pea green or mellow blue number seven. You're too light to be emerald, and too dark to be seaweed."
He gave her an unamused stare. "Why are you comparing me to color swatches?"
"I want to figure out the color so I can enter it into the green screen and make it look like you don't have a face."
Dan considered the worthiness of such a prank. And then he said, primly, "I am seafoam number 3."
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 04
"Okay, people," Hart clapped his hands together. "As you know, our season finale ranked below average. We just barely received approval for this next season. This means that we need to be disciplined, and we need to make our show stand out over all the other action dramas."
"You mean soap operas," Valerie muttered under her breath. Dan nudged her with his elbow, his brow in a worried knit.
Hart continued, "After some…preliminary research, I've begun a script that's going to take us down a new path. Stunts are going to get more difficult. Valerie and Kwan's characters are going to break up. And Dan—if I find another cheese wheel, or melted cheese, or anything with cheese in any of my things, I'm upping the show's rating and making you do full-nudity scenes for fan service."
The ghost's eyes widened, and he grew very pale.
This time, Valerie nudged him with her elbow, snickering.
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 06
A yelp echoed throughout the entire studio—its origin being Dan's dressing room. A minute later, Dan barged through the door to the lounge room, a vein standing out in his neck, eyes wild. "Who wrapped all of my costumes in velvet?!"
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 04
Nathan set his coffee cup down, looking pleased as he scrolled through his phone. His online fan site, DARK GRAY: Blurring the Lines to Hell, had accumulated even more members.
But as he scrolled through the new member list, his jaw dropped. "No fucking way," he breathed.
Emu47 was a new member on the site. His eyes flickered up to the whiteboard in the lounge room, which still carried the evidence of Valerie and Dan's odd prank war: Article Adjective: 52. Emu: 47.
The odds that someone other than a cast member would name themselves Emu47 was slim. It had to be either Dan (in some kind of backhanded humor) or Valerie (who had no imagination when it came to names). The email address associated with the account was just a garble of numbers. It suggested someone did not want to put identifying information online.
A chill of excitement stormed through him, and his impish sense of mischief reared its head. "Oh, conspiracy," he whispered.
Even better, Emu47 was posting actively all across the site, liking various fanarts of Dark Gray and even one fanfiction.
Nathan was going to find out who Emu47 was at any cost.
(Behind the Scenes) Camera 03
Hart looked stressed as he read over the script. "Okay," he said. "So Phantom is going to kill the Red Huntress in a lucky shot. That'll be the end of episode two. In episode three, Phantom attacks Amity Park while Kwan tries to get her body back from the Wastelands in some kind of closure. In episode four, Phantom returns to Valerie's body and brings her back to life. Kwan witnesses the whole thing and becomes suspicious of Phantom's regret and attachment to the Red Huntress."
Nathan tapped his fingers on the armrest of his chair. "Sounds legit," he said. "So then the doc's gonna be weirded out that she's alive because of Phantom? And that puts a rift in their relationship?"
"Yep, that's the idea."
"And then the Red Huntress is gonna wonder why Phantom brought her back?"
"Uh-huh."
Nathan's face split into a smile. "Oh, I'm liking this, Hart. And the way he brings her back—what's he do?"
The producer hummed. "Haven't figured that out yet."
"Is it like a Snow White thing? Like he kisses her back to life?"
"No, that would be too abrupt." Hart then said, "Maybe it's just an energy transfer, you know—he touches her and brings her back."
"But," Nathan cut in quickly, mind racing, "he touches her face, something almost intimate. And if Kwan's watching in the bushes, then that's what tips him off to Phantom's weird attachment."
The producer snapped his fingers. "Yes. Yes! I like it. Then it's such a slow burn that only the people looking for romantic attachment will see it."
The two then high-fived.
Meanwhile, one Dan Masters was listening in from the doorway, a curious expression on his face.
From behind, a familiar woman whispered in his ear, "What are you doing?"
The ghost flinched, turning around, eyes wide. He grabbed onto her and turned them both invisible, only to lean back around the door and listen in again. "They are planning future episodes," he whispered back to her. "Apparently, you are doing to die, and we might become romantic interests."
Valerie's eyes widened. "What?" she said incredulously. Then she slapped a hand over her own mouth, but the damage was done.
Inside the office, both Nathan and Hart flinched.
.
Valerie's face heated as she read over the scrawled notes. She could feel Dan's presence behind her like an electric wave, his breath puffing against her as he read the notes over her shoulder. She hoped he couldn't feel her rising body temperature from her blush. "B-but," she sputtered, "this is…I mean, I see where you're going with this. It's not just a resurrection plot—you're trying to make our characters…you know—"
Dan pulled away. "—And to what end?" he demanded, unable to hide the flush of emotion across his face. "No show has ever supported a ghost-and-human relationship. It is one thing for my character to make the odd pass or two—it is another entirely to suggest that Valerie would desire me." He paused, then quickly corrected, "I mean, Phantom. Not me. My character me."
Valerie did not miss the panicked strain in his voice.
"Scandal is the whole idea," Hart explained. He glanced between the two in curiosity. "I'm not asking if you like it. I'm asking if you can handle it. We have the potential to save the show here and take its purpose to a whole new level. You're both members of the Human-Ectoplasmic-American-Rights-Organization, right?"
They both slowly nodded.
"And you're friends, right? You can handle acting with each other in this way?"
Dan and Valerie glanced at each other. Valerie spoke first, tentatively, "I am if he is. If it'll save the show."
The ghost paused for a time, pressing his lips tightly together. Thoughts of caution tore through him—the sacred depth of his friendship with Valerie, the fear that fantasy and reality would mix in such a way that his latent attraction to her would increase—
"For the show," Dan eventually agreed, clearing his throat.
(Bloopers Reel) Season 3
Valerie lay on the dirt floor, with pockets of fake blood dried and shining upon her skin. She was still and silent, tempering her breathing to be unapparent beneath her armor. Makeup artists had heavily painted her face to appear pale with death, and she'd managed to twist her limbs to look like a broken doll.
Cameras wove about the scene, capturing dramatic angles in the dim light.
"I will bring you back to me," Dan's baritone voice echoed in her ears. It sent goose-bumps down her spine. She felt him kneel beside her and heard the rustle of him pulling off his glove. Then his hand, so familiar to her, caressed down her face. His touch was oddly soft, pulling from deep within her an emotion of longing—to feel him touch her more—
Per the script, she slowly opened her eyes to see Dan's flushed face hovering only inches from her own. A damning blush creeped its way across her face and down her neck, bleeding through her harsh makeup.
His fingers slipped down her cheek and brushed against her neck.
And suddenly, she began to giggle, breaking character to grab for his arm and wiggle away. "Oh my god, that tickles."
Dan stared down at her incredulously. "What? I hardly touched you."
She continued to wiggle away from him, her bloodied armor dragging against the dirt. "Oh, it tickles. And your breath smells like donuts—Oh my god, this isn't how I imagined it going."
"This is supposed to be a romantic scene, and you're ruining it!" Dan complained, flushing.
"Why do you smell like donuts?"
Hart groaned from the background. "Cut!"
A/N: Hey, everyone. Sorry for making you wait an extra couple of weeks for a new chapter. I'm preparing for a graduate interview next week and had some tests as well. But I have a birthday coming up, so I figured I'd celebrate my birthday weekend by indulging my hobby of writing Dark Gray, haha.
I hope you enjoyed this intermission before we dive back into the serious dramas of Karma and Aftermath! (Not sure which one I want to update with first.)
Anyway, please review with your thoughts, constructive criticisms, questions, or ideas! Thanks!
