Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part XIX…
King's Landing, Royal Gate…
Theme from the TV series "Rome" plays as the royal party enters the city…Crowds cheering the return of the King…And the cash and trade he and court bring with them.
Hey…Do he and Cersei actually look like they can tolerate one another? One fellow lost in the throng notes to a comrade as they cheer the royal party on…
Oh, I always knew they could be happy if they'd just get past that vampire Slayer bitch…His companion noted, munching on a bit of stuck pig…Literally, stuck on stick, pig.
Robert and Cersei on royal wheelhouse, waving to crowd…Cersei hoisting giant mug of ale and chugging it down as Robert and crowd cheer her on…
"That's our Queen!" Robert bellowing to the crowd, raising Cersei's hand clenched in his, she beaming at him.
Lord Gomez nodding sagely as he watched from horseback…Knew they were meant for each other once they got past the seventeen bitter years of hatred and abuse.
Goddamn that Addams…Jamie Lannister glaring from his own horse. I thought I wanted to skewer that pompous self-righteous ass Ned Stark with all his sneering at my "betraying" crazy King Eerys while he helps to kill thousands to put a lout like Barftheron on the throne over a lovers' triangle spat, but this guy…
Ruining a perfectly good incestuous relationship…I mean…
Aw, hell…I've always known she wanted Bob…And I've just been her sperm beard to provide heirs mainly to cover for him, no matter what she babbles sometimes about revenge on him and securing the throne for our house.
But goddamn you, Gomez Addams. She might never have had connected with him but for you..
Well…I'm still the greatest…Male…Lets face it, Lady Maudie Addams just can't be beat…And I have the scars to prove it from meeting her in the field three times…Swordsman in the Seven and that weird North region…So I guess that makes it eight, actually…Kingdoms.
And a Lannister…
And you know what that means regarding debt payment…He coldly eyed Lord Addams.
Big man…Friend of the King…Hand of the King…Reconciler of the King and Queen…A bit less nobly stupid than that Stark guy…
But they all bleed the same, in the end…
"Hey, Jamie!...Kingslayer!" Cersei called… "Make sure we're not disturbed tonight at the Keep, ok?…Kingslayer?! 'Cause the King and I got 'business' to get it on with."
Robert chortling…As Jamie glared.
Of all the uteruses in all the world, she had to develop in the one I was marking time in.
"You don't think you're being too hard on the kid?" Robert hissed to Cersei as the procession reached a narrow street land and the Kingsguard moved ahead to survey the road.
"Tough love…He's gotta get over me sometime, honey." She noted. "But thanks for being concerned about my brother…" she beamed, then a bit anxiously. "And…Ummn I mean of course get over his overattachment to me in strictly brotherly way."
"Well…He's family…" Robert shrugged. "And he probably did save tens of thousands by croaking that Hitlerian maniac."
….
The Red(der) Keep…
Lord Gomez wearily dismounting…
Quite a procession…Quite a three week slog from Swampflood…
And without Morty to provide that "spice of life"…
But, duty calls…
"My Lord Addams…" an attendant was hurrying to him.
"Thank you, Thing…" Gomez noted to the hand now taking his towel from him and pulling it into a saddle pocket.
"I won't even ask how you managed to come along…" smile as the hand wagged a finger…Ah, ah, ah…
"My Lord…" the attendant gave a sweeping bow… " Welcome to the capital, gracious Hand. The Little Council headed by Lord Middlefinger has been summoned and awaits your pleasure…"
"Really? Well, if it's a matter of my pleasure…" Gomez noted.
"Just an expression, my lord. The real situation is more Spockian… 'The needs of the many…'"
"Right…" Gomez sighed. "Lead on…"
…..
Swampflood…
Quiet tower room at the end of the corridor passing by the sickroom of Pugsly and Branded…
"Wait…" Lady Maud frowned at the grim face of her daughter-in-law. "Mengele and the eunich both implicated Tyrion Lannister…Cousin Imp? Not Tywin?"
"That's what they said…" Morticia, coldly.
"Nonsense…" Maud shook head. "Tyrion is family, and with a built-in appreciation of the consequences of disability in the medieval era, he'd never…"
"Much as I too appreciate his rapier wit and always felt it concealed a kind heart, I must take this seriously, Mama…" Morticia, arms folded. "Though I must first speak to Gomez before action is taken."
"I wouldn't believe Tywin stupid enough to do this, let alone Tyrion…" Maud shook head. "Now if he were likely to gain something by killing the boys, like say King Richard III Addams when he popped his nephews to seize the throne of the North…"
"Mama…? I thought everyone says now Great-great-great uncle Richard was maligned…" Morticia stared.
"Oh, bullcrap by historians trying to sell books." Maud rolled eyes. "The nephews vanished and his way to the throne was open, c'mon…But getting back to our own current history…What would Tyrion have to gain? Be reasonable, daughter-in-law."
"How can I be reasonable, Mama?! My son and my cousin are lying paralyzed, perhaps for life…" Morticia, her face a stunningly healthy shade of pink.
"But…" Maud protested. "As an old military-political hand I gotta tell you, this makes no sense…Someone is deliberately trying to foment trouble between us and the Lannisters."
"That…" Morticia frowned then calmed. "…Is why I'm going to see Gomez. I must consult with his political genius before taking action."
"But if he agrees with me and consuls a "wait and see" approach?" Maud pressed.
"Then…I will 'wait and see'…But till then…"
"Well, always wise to maintain peace by preparing for war…" Lady Addams nodded.
"I can talk to Lord Belloq…Peter was always a friend to me and Kat Stark. I'm sure he can help us determine what really happened, using his contacts."
"Middlefinger? That sneaky little shit?" Maud frowned.
"Mama…"
"I never liked him when he was a boy and hostage here, courting you and Kat at the same time…I didn't like what I've heard of him since as Finance Minister and spymaster, and I doubt I'd like him now. I wouldn't trust a word he says, Morticia. He'll be playing both sides for his own benefit."
"Well, I'll see what Gomez has to say about him. But I've trusted him as Kat did, Mama."
Maud rolling eyes… "Well, you two were always easy marks for the 'sensitive' type. Just thank the gods Ned and Gomez came along to save you both from him."
"Ophelia was always fond of him too…" Morticia noted.
"Yes, and what a great judge of character your wacked-out sister is…" Maud sighed. "Sorry…" she eyed Morticia's pained look. "But no one knows better how dangerously disturbed your sister is than you… You remember how she once tried to push you out the Moon Door at the Eerie Eyrie cause she thought you were her competition for that snake Belloq."
"Mama. That was simply an accident."
"Like what happened to Kat Stark? The 'torch-out' incident at the Tripletts? Or to Ned? Bad grapes, right."
"Mama…" sigh.
"Just promise me you'll be on guard, Morty." Maud sighed. "I love you as my own daughter and I hate the thought of you and Gomez down there without me and Fester to look after you."
"Oh. Well, I'm taking Uncle Fester, Mama." Morticia, eagerly.
"You bet yer booties!" Fester's happy call via pneumatic tube in the room.
"Lord…Now I am worried." Maud shook her head.
"Uncle Fester?! What have I told you about listening in and the right to privacy…?" Morticia spoke into the mouth/ear piece of the tube.
"Eh, this is Westeros, not Athens, Morticia." Fester's nonchalant return via tube.
"Well, just see Lurch has you fully packed and ready to leave…" Morticia replied, sighing.
Maud signaling to be given tube, Morticia handing it over… "Fester, you ole fool! You see our Morty safe to Kings' Landing and don't take your eyes off her for anything including fresh raven or you'll answer to me, got it?!"
"Yes, Maudie…" Fester's sigh.
"And try not to get yourself roasted alive like Ned Stark's people and Uncle Flemn Addams and Aunt Abigail…Though in Abigail's case I suppose she got what she deserved for violating Eerys' Do Not Feed the Dragons' sign after she became his mistress…"
"That was his and the attendants' story…" Fester's reply via tube… "The way I hear it she asked him to make her hotter than she'd ever been before, and Eerys being Eerys, he did."
…..
