Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part XXXIII…
Swampflood…
Anteroom off the Great Hall, generally used by Lord Addams as his principal office...Currently in use by Lady Maud, rather pleased to be "principal official" for now. My lady currently seated at Gomez' desk, formed of a marble slab brought from Deathwish Mountain with, as supports, the sculpted features of Gonzo, Marco, Tesla, and Zeppo Addams, great-great- and great-great-great uncles of Gomez, all killed in the foolhardy expedition to irrationally found a marble quarry there on the sheer mountain face, their bodies brought down on the very same slab that had cost them their lives. The room now decorated to Lady Maud's taste, with Gomez' collection of various heads of bizarre and bizarrely killed animals replaced by the wax death masks of her various slaughtered foes. Naturally only a percentage, it not being nearly large enough a room to hold all. But, ah…The fond memories…She silently noted to the fear-distorted wax image of the late Sir Bituminous hanging across the room from her.
"I still say…" Lady Maud shook head… "It was crazy for Morty to accuse Tyrion like that, without more proof. But a pity you didn't get to stay for the trial by combat…" narrow stare.
Ser Arnold looking nervous…Increasingly his natural state since coming under the command of Lady Addams. Despite his brief salvation as escort to Lady Morticia…
I know vas is coming…He thought, anxiously rocking on his metal heels. Sweat seeping through the cloth at the joints of his armor.
"You could've died so honorably at Fester's hands, championing that crazy sister of Morticia's." frown… "Instead of living to be a pathetically miserable excuse for one of my knights…."
"Ja, mein Lady…My profound apologies I did not do so. I vas only following orders. Of my Lady Morticia." Shamed bow of head, trying to kneel in his armor with extreme difficulty.
"Oh, get up, you idiot." Impatient wave. "Well…I suppose it wouldn't have been that honorable." Sigh. "Give Tyrion's guilt was in doubt, far as I've been concerned. But Ravennet confirms he was fine on departing, right?"
"Yes, my Lady. The Imp vas perfectly fine on leaving. As also his champion. Though his challenger was not so. And Lady Ophelia was most pissed."
"I'll bet." Wry smile shake of head. "And that weird little pervert in training son of hers, no doubt. But I wonder at her eagerness to do Cousin Imp in… Surely she knew the King would be furious, not to mention Tywin Lannister. And while Ophelia is nuts, she's also a bit of a sniveling, cowardly type. The reason she settled for marrying poor Jonny Arwyn when her father ordered her to, instead of standing up for herself." Frowning tap of finger on sword drawn partly, in pondering frustration…Always helps the thought process knowing you have the sword at hand, ready to settle the matter. "There's something very odd here, Arnold."
"Ja, my Lady. If I may say so. But Lady Morticia now…"
She waved him off…But pleasantly… "Yes, thank the gods she recovered her senses, it seems. Morty's always had the one sane head of the Frumps on her shoulders. Unlike her brother who had both the sane and insane heads, poor Marmaduke the Saintly/Roger the Raving Lunatic. It's understandable she went a bit too Frump after a threat to her children…" Pondering. "But she's on her way to the capital now? To consult with Gomez?"
"Ja, mein Lady Addams." Nod. "According to the latest raven post…"
"Good. My boy'll settle her down. In every possible way…He takes after me that way." beam. "Though we still have a problem if it's true about Tywin massing his bannerforces on the border. Natural behavior for any great Lord in being dissed, but…"
"Reports suggest it ist true. Vill it be war, mein Lady?" careful stare.
Der chance to show mein skills in combat before mein legendary idol of idols und win perhaps a modicum of respect from her?
"For something as silly as this?" frown. "Arnold…" shake of head, narrow stare. "I'm as bloodthirsty as the next girl warrior and then some but this is a gull…And I for one am an Addams who doesn't take kindly to being gulled. No, someone is deliberately manipulating us all to start a civil war here. And, fun admittedly as that might be after all this damned peace, it's the better part of blood-soaked valor to restrain ourselves." Pushing sword back in scabbard, with slight sigh.
"But, mein Lady, if Lannister forces cross the border in strength, into Frump lands…"
"We are honor-bound to go to their assist, I know that, you worthless sack of meat." Brief glare. Drumming of armor-clad fingers on desk slab. "But I can't believe Tywin to be so foolish and blind as not to realize what's going on here. He'll stay on his side unless we do something rash. So…" sigh. "We'll be…Sensible." Sigh. "I know, I sound like the old biddy I am but with age does come a degree of restraint useful in any commander."
"Ja, my Lady."
"Don't pout Arnold…" smile. "You'll have the chance to be Terminated, IV, soon enough. For now, as I must stay in command here and then go north with Gomez on his return, I want you to take command of the Addams forces at our border and maintain a vigilant…And I mean vigilant…" hard stare. "…watch on the various powers, particularly but not exclusively, Tywin's."
"It vill be done, mein Lady Addams!" he proudly snapped to attention, painfully and rather loudly clicking armored heels.
"As in?" she eyed him.
"Immediately, mein Lady!" he saluted, with clang, nearly knocking himself out to her frowning sigh and hurried out the door.
Good heart but easy to see why he's Terminator…IV, she thought.
"Lurch!" she pulled at the bell rope hanging against the wall by her desk side…
"You rang?" groan…
"Yes…Lurch? You sure you've recovered from that rocket test recovery?" she eyed him.
Something about that groan…
"Perhaps not yet fully, Lady Addams." Groan, including an undergroan of muffled pain.
"To bed with you, then…" she insisted. "Lurch." To his pleading look… "If a dedicated servant like you can concede he's in pain, you must be in serious shape. To your bed and I'll have the Maester in to see you shortly. Just send for Mengele to be brought from the torture chamber. I need to waterboard…Er, interrogate him, in light of the recent events on the border. Someone has clearly planned this, and Mengele may be our only link, since that poor foolish girl committed suicide by challenging me."
"Yes, Lady Addams. But...I am well enough…To…" groan. "Attend my…Duties…Uhhhhhhhh."
"Lurch. I insist you rest and see the Maester." She frowned. "Gomez and Morticia and the children would never forgive me if I lost you. Now, go."
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… "Yes, my Lady."
…
Festivities over, Melisande, in her chamber, kneeling in prayer before an altar, while staring woefully at small portrait of Tyrion Lannister to the side on her wall, usually kept well hidden…
Oh…Tyry….
Sings sadly…
"Last Light Lord's day I gave you my heart…But within ten days, you gang-raped it away." This year, to circumvent tears…I'll give it to somebody special." Pause. "Unless, honey you really weren't responsible…?" she turned from miniature to eye the miraculously perpetually flaming torch of the Light Lord… "Hey, Boss, a sign here, for your most devoted fan? Couldn't hurt, ya know? Just something to make it clear to me that mending bridges with my lil' Imp is hopeless? Or vice-versa, which I would prefer…" eager tone at end.
Sigh at the steady flame…
"Ok, I get it. No freebies, even for the HP. Well, at least keep him safe and healthy and don't let him lose that dry wit. Don't let him be sad. I mean, of course, if he were responsible, I guess he ought to suffer but…If it's my choice…?" Hopeful look at flame. "That's good, right? That I can be big about it?" Sigh… "All right, I'm still crazy about the little bastard…But really, see he's ok and happy? I know there's no earned points with You but it's an honorable wish, right?" she glanced at the portrait. "Tyry…Oh…"
Still, there's always my rebound guy, the redoubtable and sturdy Ser Davos…But for the little problem of his incredibly gorgeous, hyper-intelligent, clearly devoted and steadfast, wife.
Yuck…When's a high priestess supposed to get hers, anyway?
I mean I don't mind a sort of vow of poverty, given Stanislaw likes to gift me with a rather nice temple, rather impressive robes and other stuff, including bling for the sake of showing honor to our Faith…In Your Name, of course, LL.
But, geesh, I never took a vow of chastity.
One of the more attractive things about our new Faith, really.
And heck, You've never said anything baring wife-and-husband-swapping, extra spouses, harems, etc
Though I know Davos would only find the like more compelling reason to avoid Your embrace…
Dang…And yet it's one of his devastating attractions…Utter fidelity and loyalty.
Of course…The good Admiral isn't very good about concealing his lack of Faith and one can assume the little wife shares in his disdain for Your Word.
And I would bet that any hints that she might be facing the heresy charges he dodged, thanks to me, would get him running to me for pardon…For her sake.
Not that I would ever manipulate the Faith as a tool for my own pleasure…
Still, to further the Cause, in Your Name and all that jazz, I have done a few…Questionable…Things and intend yet more. And seeing to it that Stanys' right hand man and common man hero of the People at least accepts the Faith in public is not only good politics but would be to Your benefit.
And he would require the most careful instruction, to bring him to a sincere appreciation of You…I'd surely have to be his spiritual guide.
Yeah…Uh, spiritual…Picturing the sturdy, craggy-cheeked sailing man.
He sure is what he is, no question…She thought, fondly.
Almost as cute and wonderful as my sweet…I mean he could still be…Tyrion.
But of course my desires are sublimated to your Cause, LL…
Yeah. Just a sort of fringe benefit, ya know?
But how to handle this? Stanislaw's taken my back in his good graces for now, thanks to the situation with the Lannisters and Lord Gomez, that crazed nut, but my position with him is still shaky. One minor misprophecy and I'll be fertilizer ashes with all my more equivocal converts insisting it's good, even wonderful, riddance.
And Stanys does like both the Seaworthys. Pity a fair degree of loyalty has to be among his own noble qualities. I start hinting Marys ought to be examined for hearsy and I could end up on my own pyre.
Still…If things were going badly here…Well, not failure in war unless I've set up the commander in charge as an enemy and heretic, I'm too tied to our fate there. But if say, there were a problem that could be tied to Marys' work smacking of lack of the True Faith…Say a major crop failure and she refused to appeal to You. After all, crop failures always used to happen round here due to the miserable spot the Barftherons originally chose for their home base, brain-dead warrior thugs that they are. And people would be sure to forget almost immediately as hunger clenched them that it was Marys and her work that helped end such things earlier.
Yeah…I could work with that…Smile. One good refusal by her to compromise her beliefs in either her Natural Philosophy or the Seven for the sake of the People and I'd have her and our Spinach Knight right where I want them…Her on the pyre, him in here, pleading for her life.
Oh, yeah…Beam to torch.
Hmmn, needs a bit more of the Eternal Flame Fluid, I'd say, she eyed the torch. Reaching for a glass jar of black fluid obtained, rather curiously from one of the very areas of the North where Lord Gomez planned to explore for new coal resources and that Lord Belloq, the infamous Middlefinger, had obtained titles to by a mix of coercion and shady dealing. She poured a bit into an opening on the Torch which immediately steadied its flame to a strong blue-yellow.
Yes, the Glory of the LL shineth forth, destroying all enemies…And compelling others to see the Light, occasionally through threatened application of said Light to loved ones…
"Cause we got the Fire, fire, fire…!" Melisande hummed.
….
