Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part XXXIV…
The Tully-Cicero/Frump/Lannister borderlands…Nightfall…
Where a somewhat relieved yet disappointed horde of Lannister bannermen were being addressed by Tyrion Lannister, the recovered ("T'would have been 'small' loss" one minor lord teased, groaning as he met instant death in the dark, poorly relieved by torch, at one of Tywin's scattered agent's …No one insults my secretly beloved son and escapes Lannister justice in the dark corners even if in public I must coldly agree with such…hands.) Imp…
"Gentles and common folk…" smile at the stares as he stood on table to be better seen. Tywin coldly watching from his chair.
"It seems for reasons unknown to me my father wishes me to express his gratitude to you all and honor your ever faithful service. Personally, of course, I am touched by the notion that you should have come all this way, some of you, merely to help see that I was relieved from durance vile. It's just that since your fealty is a blessing bestowed upon my father, I'd feel you would all much prefer any thanks to come from him. However…" shrug. "I'm asked to give the speech, so here it is. I don't know why Lady Addams has been led to believe that we Lannisters might have had any hand in her child and kinsman's incident. Fortunately she seems to have recovered her sense of balance and I know I can forgive a distraught mother her moment of delusion in trying to uncover any threat against her child… I would imagine my father would, in thanking you, also caution you to be Lannister vigilant, Lannister cautious. Someone is trying to play with us as if we were mere pieces on the Game board and not House Lannister. Shall we allow it?!"
"NO!" mighty roar…
"Shall we be led like lemmings by those who would lead us to disaster and war at a time when Winter closes in and trouble seems to be brewing in the far North?! As if we were of some minor bumbling House, a laughingstock waiting to be overrun?! Shall we not sensibly ferret out the party trying to foment distention among us? What say you, nobles and friends all?!"
"NO!"
Especially if this means we get to go home in one piece, several thought.
Mustn't smile…Tywin closed eyes…Mustn't show approval…
But the kid is magnificent. Who else with his disability could win men and women over to his lion's spirit so easily and thoroughly? Ah, Jo…Dear Jo…Listen to our boy…
"All yours, Dad…" Tyrion had come back to Tywin. "Hope it was what you wanted…"
"Barely tolerable…" Tywin hissed. "But it must do." He moved to address the assembly.
Oh, the shining pride I feel, Jo. Our House is secure.
"Friends! As my son has noted, we face an unknown enemy seeking to destroy us from within! We must therefore counter their efforts and form a united front with the Lord Hand and the King as soon as possible… To that effect, I have…"
"My Lord!" a courier, a young squire, rushed in…
"News from the capital! Your son…!"
Uh-oh….Tyrion stared. As Tywin turned to face the courier, waving for Tywina to take his proffered scroll.
Something tells me Jamie has screwed it again…And by "it", I don't mean Cersei, Tryion shook head.
…
The Great Pink Wastes of Essos…A vast desert stretching from the Doofraki grasslands to the paradisiacal garden-like watered plains of the far Essos east.
"So like, Ser Job, my like chief top advisor and all-around cutie guy…" the voice of the newly enthroned by death default, Khanessi, Danerys Targaryen…She of the blonde locks and the general hot babedness, as her remaining Doofraki followers noted in chanting praise a bit too frequently for the said Ser Job's taste, especially in this stifling heat. Her newborn dragons hovering aloft around her, cleverly imprinted to see her as a mother by Ser Job's fast action and knowledge of Targaryen lore.
"Yes, my Khanessi…" repressed sigh…
"Like why again are we out here in this waste stuff?" the Khanessi asked. "Couldn't we have like stayed in the grass and lands and all back there in my sweet Khanei's place? It's hot here and my clothes are all sweaty and yuck."
"The other Doofraki would have killed us and taken your newborn dragons…Khanessi." Melancholy tone. One dragon swooping at him and warned off by a sword's wave.
"Really? Bummer…" shake of head. "Like that's no way to treat the Chosen One of the Targaryens. Didn't I like prove myself by surviving that fire thing and all when my little guys here were hatched? Geesh…Like ungrateful much." Frowning pout.
"Well, Khanessi…You are an unknown quantity to them…A foreigner…And demanding much from them in terms of your future plans to invade and conquer Westeros."
"Hey. Like Westeros is my place…My family conquered it, it's mine. Visciously always said so…Only he said it was his…Till my honey settled that the hard way."
"Yes, Khanessi…" sigh.
"And they could show some consideration, I just lost my little babe as well…God, like I should never have listened to that crazy doctor. 'I just need a few stem cells from your kid to get the Khan back on his feet' she said. And like, here I am, trustin' her…" sigh.
"It may have been a mistake to trust the court doctor of the Khan's most brutally pillaged and sacked enemy capital." She noted, slight pout.
"Possibly…" Ser Job nodded, sighing.
"Can't trust anyone, it feels like…" shake of head. "Why are people so much, like, trouble, Ser Job? Especially when I just want what's mine. All I want is my fair share."
Various Doofraki sweating and starving in the roasting heat eyeing her, a few trying to show eager devotion, a few giving slightly grim looks, most of the two dozen or so left ground down to utter indifference to all but bare survival…
"Your fair share being all of a continent occupied by various vast kingdoms, Khanessi, I could see why some are hesitant to accept your claim." Ser Job noted quietly.
"What?" angry stare. "Well…I'll…I'll…" stamp of foot. "I'll have my dragons burn them, that's what I'll do. That's the Targaryen way, you know."
"Yes, Khanessi. It might be a while before that's possible, Khanessi."
"Maybe so…But I will. Nobody refuses my rightful claim. We won the war by brutal slaughter and air power and so I'm entitled."
"Yes, Khanessi…"
"Whatever they think, I'm entitled, Ser Job. I'm the Targaryen, their Queen. It's Athenian commie talk, Visciously always used to say, to say otherwise." Pout.
"Of course…Khanessi." Sigh.
"Well…Right." She nodded, looking around.
Same boring dullsville waste…
And same pathetic looking followers...She frowned back at the group behind her.
I mean, like, couldn't they show a little enthusiasm or whatever? A frowning comment she repeated aloud to Ser Job.
"They're dying for you Khanessi. You really can't ask more…"
"Yeah…But a little spirit would be nice. They're all so downbeat and all…" shake of head.
Hmmn…
"Say maybe you could get them all to sing as we trudge…?" she hopefully suggested.
"Sing, Khanessi?"
"Yeah…Like maybe some kind of marching song? Or, maybe a cheer? Oh, like when I was at Bravvos Academy and was joust head cheerleader and we used to do cheers and songs at half-time?" eager beam. "It was great." She stepped out of the march line. "One-two, one-two, thrust that sword in their guts! Go, Bravvos!" she waved arms.
Silent faces staring at her…
"I don't think they up for that right now, Khanessi…" Ser Job noted. "I really think finding an oasis and some water would do more for their team spirit."
"Some people just don't have the spark, Ser Job." She frowned back at the group trudging behind. "I don't know if I'm gonna conquer back my kingdom with these guys. Say…?" she eyed Job.
He is a cutie, no question. Just…Geesh…So into that melancholy thing…Which is ok, gives him that experienced hunk guy, been there, done that look but you don't wanna overdo it, right? And he's kinda old…Gotta be forty.
"…Is there any news from Westeros? Did that guy workin' for Visciously's return ever get back to you?"
"Lord Verysmuch? No, Khanessi…I've had no word. But we've been out in this waste for weeks now. With no human contact…" Ser Job pointed out.
"Yeah, but…Like he could send ravens or something, right? I thought he was on my side…Visciously's anyway, before…So now, mine, right?" expectant look.
Groan of horse, sound of falling…
"Geesh…Another one?"
"They die of thirst more quickly than we do, Khanessi." Ser Job sighed, waving the men about the horse to begin cutting it up.
"As for Lord Verysmuch, I wouldn't place much…Khanessi?" he eyed her. She staring back.
"Are they gonna…?" Eehew…She grimaced as one plunged sword into the dead horse.
"We need food and can even drink the blood, Khanessi."
"Gross…" she shook head. "I think I'm gonna be sick…Hey, you? Whatsyername?" she called to a staggering, weary-looking, sweat-stained young woman.
"Eerie, Khanessi…" the girl sighed.
"I didn't ask your opinion even if I go along with it, girly." Danerys frowned.
"My name, Khanessi…Remember? Eerie."
"Whatever…Bring me a bowl or something. And some water. I'm gonna heave." Danerys noted.
"Blood and stuff…So gross…" she noted to Job as several, weary but eager to eat, Doofraki hastily hacked at the dead horse.
"You'll need to get used to it, Khanessi…" Ser Job shook head. "The price of winning the Game…"
"Like major yuck…" she grimaced. "Shouldn't people just be agreeing I should be Queen and just like giving me that Iron Throne? I'm entitled to it, right?"
"Yes. But not very likely they'll be so cooperative, Khanessi…"
"This is known, Khanessi." The returned attendant Eerie agreed with Ser Job, offering Danerys the bowl which she signed to be lowered a bit, then vomited into.
"Eehew gods…Yuck. Worse than having to eat that heart they fed me." Danerys lifted head. "Tell them not to do that with animals near me in the future, Ser Job." She took the water bag from and poured it into the bowl.
"Yes, Khanessi. Since we have so few horses left, I doubt it will be a problem." Ser Job noted. "Khanessi?!" he grabbed at her arm as she dipped hands in the water then started to pour it out on the ground as the stunned attendant and followers stared.
"What, it's filthy." Danerys frowned as Ser Job took the bowl.
"Khanessi, that's several days' worth of water for half the survivors…" Ser Job noted, handing the bowl to the shaking hands of Eerie. Two other attendants licking the wet ground where some water had fallen.
"Oh…" Danerys shrugged. "Well, we should get more, right?"
"Right…" Ser Job sighed.
"Ok…Hey, somebody go find more water?!" she called back.
The group staring collectively at her, then around the dry, empty wastes…
"We're all gonna die out here with that crazy blonde shiksa, aren't we?" one male attendant noted in Doofraki to Eerie.
"It is known…" she sighed, nodding.
…
