Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values

Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?

Part XLVI…

The Redder Keep, Royal Conference Room B…

Seated about the Exceptionally Small Council table, The Lord Hand Gomez, Queen Cersei, Soon To Be Acting Hand Tyrion Lannister, Grand Maester Purile, Lord Verysmuch, a rather too clearly pleased with himself Lord Belloq, and a rather grateful not to be having to use that miserable torture seat of a Throne, King Robert…

Captain of the Kingsguard Jamie on duty at the door, though rather pleased himself to be standing ready at the Hand's urging to offer insight…

How often has anyone asked my opinion on anything besides swordcraft, let alone political matters…? Rather glad I didn't skewer Addams at that.

Tyrion's own new guard, Captain Brawn, a former raider from the hills of the Valed Vale, hired for his turncoated prowess in fighting his own former people, across from him, clearly sizing the famed Jamie the KingKiller up.

Probably not takeable in fair fight…Though really, what is "fair"?...But at a bar, relaxing after a few drinks with armor off and sword laid down by side, if one pretended to be engaging in friendly chit-chat and banter…

Cersei a bit torn between the old habit of glowering hatred toward Tyrion and a rather contented joy in having so much of the family together to witness her newfound happiness…

Well, did promise Bobbie I'd try… When I lost our only, beautiful boy, our blessed accident, he didn't go all "You killed my son. I'll hate you forever…" In fact, considering he despised me for not being Cicely and/or for being Tywin Lannister's daughter then, he was, relatively, rather thoughtful and supportive before he got completely sodden in his despair.

I suppose…As Jamie constantly tells me…It might be true what the maesters say that Tyrion didn't exactly kill Mama…That allowing the attending midwife to not wash her hands in that alcohol bath thing the Lord Hand Addams introduced to reduce childbirth fever, after she'd attended six other births in Lannisterport that morning, might have played a role.

And he was rather sweetly earnest in saying how nice it was to see us not at each other's throats when he arrived…Even asked how Joffrey was bearing his abject humiliation.

And sure, everyone loves him…One of my principal reasons for hating him. They love the little…But pretty, charming me? Even Father…Even Jamie, I think…Sometimes…

Though that has changed a bit in the last few…Maester Nick says my pr rating is above thirty percent positive for the first time since I arrived in the capital…She beamed at Robert who winked back.

Of course I suppose my formerly cankerously bitter nature and vicious lashing out did play a role…

I guess the little putz really can be rather nice at times. And Bob is fond of him, as for whatever reasons known only to brothers, is Jamie.

And ok, he can make me laugh at times, though I always repress and focus on letting the hate flow.

Though for heaven's sake, why'd Dad feel he needed to send him to take charge of the family interests here? I know, gods know, Jamie's not up to the job but…

And now Lord Gomez goes and agrees with Dad that he should take charge whilst he's in the North?

There is a Queen here, ya know…Ready and willing to lift the burdens…Why couldn't a Queen be an acting Hand at least?

On the other hand…We are honeymooning…For the first time, really.

Very difficult being torn amongst ambition, hatred, joy, content, and a certain feminist feeling that my voice should at least be heard once in a while…

"So…" Lord Tyrion opened the meeting at Lord Gomez's suggestion, he being soon to be in charge at the capital…He pulled over a tankard of ale, pouring to his flagon, the Lannister lion boldly standing out in carving on side, claws extended…

Quite an incentive to drink responsibly, he noted, taking a quaff. "A little carelessness and these claws could take an eye out."

Smile at Cersei who found herself somehow slow on the "by all means have another…" sneering comeback. Contenting herself with a mild frown, to his and Jamie's surprise.

"Bob?" Tyrion waved the tankard. Staring… "Why, Bob, have you lost a bit around the middle?"

"Just a bit. Gettin' a bit more…Exercise…" grin at Cersei who gave coy smile. "And I have been tryin' to watch it a bit for the missus. But these things need to be done in moderation…Pass it down here, Imp…" grin. Robert hoisting massive flagon to table. Tyrion pushing the tankard on a rolling slab down to the King who grunted appreciatively. "Cerse?" after pouring…

"I do believe I will, Bobbie." Fond smile. "Send 'er on down…"

"Well…" Tyrion set down flagon. Urrrrrrpppp…

"Pardon…" Cersei, apologetic wave.

"Better in than out…" Robert, raising flagon…She raising hers in response.

"Yes…Well…" Tyrion shook head at the coy smiles exchanged… "It's now very clear someone or someones are desperately trying to foment civil war by driving House Lannister and Addams into conflict…Clearly with the goal of so destabilizing the kingdom as to make it vulnerable. Sister my Queen?"

Hmmn? She blinked.

"You're a shrewd political observer who's been on the scene, what's your take?" smile.

My beloved brother…She gasped inwardly.

"Uh…Well, I agree." She nodded eagerly. "A definite plot…I mean why else try to harm those two dear boys after their unfortunate accident? Though of course it's most likely that 'accident' was a part of the fiendish scheme as well." Quick glance Jamie-ward.

Yeah, yeah, I get it…He nodded. As Cersei waved to Bob who'd raised just-refilled flagon to her view…Shove it back on down, thirsty Queen here, ready to quaff with her sweetest little bro, fond look to Tyrion to his own shock.

Cersei?

"Ho, Lance! My bro our guest is dry here!" she waved the empty tankard on sliding platter to the squire Ser Lanced who nervously bowed. "Lets see some more suds on this table forthwith!"

Though there really must have been a bigger plot beyond our protecting our little indiscretion…Jamie thought.

After all we didn't try to finish off those kids…

At least, I didn't…

"Well, regardless…A truly brilliant plot, eh?" Middlefinger beamed in his seat at the others. "Only a real genius of statescraft could've thought of this one."

"And yet, my Lord…" Verysmuch, purring tone… "Our Hand and my Lord Tyrion have seen through the scheme. As have Lord Tywin and Lord Robbed Stark, preventing them from coming to blows in the field. Not all that brilliant a scheme, to my mind…Certainly, a failure."

Glare from Belloq…

"Can't say they didn't give it their all…And fingering Cousin Imp here was a very clever stroke." Gomez noted.

"Thank the gods good ole Fester was fair-minded enough to take my part at the Eerie Eeyie or this might not have ended so happily." Tyrion nodded. "I really must thank you both, Lord Addams…"

"Considering my wife and sister-in-law nearly had you unjustly killed…Not a problem, Lord Tyrion." Gomez nodded.

"Well, we'll call it even, all debts paid in full…" Tyrion noted.

"So happily, so far…" Middlefinger, darkly. Uh…He eyed the faces eyeing his… "I mean, we must be on guard yet. This fiendish plot is likely not over."

"Not till we kill someone…Which is the silver lining in all this." King Robert noted, rather cheerfully. "Any chance the Targaryen kid's behind this? It would make sense even if she's rather young and looks too bimbonic to be so shrewd. No real sexist offense intended, Cerse." Beam. "I know you at her age could've plotted with the best. She just hasn't the history or the schooling…"

Aww...You…She beamed.

"It's not impossible Princess Danerys is involved." Tyrion reflected. "Though I'd question how she could have such an extensive network here as this would imply."

"Seems a bit much given her limited resources…" Gomez pondered.

"I agree." Verysmuch nodded. "My little birds have not told me of any activity by her in Westeros as yet."

"Actually…My guess is, it's closer to home…" King Robert eyed the rest. "In fact my best guess, if we scratch the blondie, is it was either you, Middlefinger, or you, Verysmuch."

"Sire?" both staring…

Equally startled…

Robert eyeing Cersei…Ok, just a logical shot in the dark but look at 'em jump…

Times like this that I really like being King.

"Sire…I might note that though I am old and infirm…" Purile spoke up, clearly a bit miffed at not being considered crafty and threatening enough.

"Oh, I've no doubt you could handle it better than these two, Purile." Robert shrugged. "But Cerse and I discussed it and eliminated you as too loyal to Lord Tywin and House Lannister."

"Your Grace?" Purile, false annoyance at being exposed as a Lannister spy…At least do it a bit less casually, I've worked hard at this maintaining a loyal façade thing. "I am most certainly a loyal servant of House Barfthreon." Pompous cough.

"Maester, please…" Cersei rolled eyes. "You've been in Father's pay since before I came to Westeros as Robert's Queen. You betrayed the last Targaryen to his forces, persuaded him to trust Father was coming in on his side…"

"A few gifts and tokens of regard…Nothing that could be taken…"

"Purile…" Robert frowned. "Enough…Fine…You're the loyalist of the loyal, given we don't think you're involved here."

"Sire…I must now protest…" Verysmuch, hurt tone.

"It's only speculation, though quite logical, Verysmuch…" Cersei pointed out, leaning sideways in chair to regard the Minster. "You're chief spymaster with a who knows what hidden agenda, Belloq is minister of finance and everyone knows him for an ambitious little shit."

Who could've guessed love and constant, "at long last love" sex, would stimulate brain function…Verysmuch eyed the royal couple in turn as they regarded each other fondly.

Get us in mental synch and watch that shrewd political engine fly…

"I must agree with sis and the King here…And a very nice analysis, Cerse." Tyrion nodded. "You two are excellent candidates for conspirators."

Mudda of the gods? Is this the end of Middlefinger? Middlefinger, trying to maintain calm pose…

I can't be beaten…By Cersei and Bob Barfthreon?…I can't.

"But I am a eunuch, my Lord. I could have no hope of establishing a dynasty." Verysmuch sighed, doleful look.

Whereas Mr. Peckish here…He eyed Middlefinger.

Though it is curious I've never heard of a Belloq bastard. I mean he runs a brothel network.

Yeah, yeah…The evil scheming eunuch…Middlefinger thought desperately. Everyone hates the evil scheming eunuch, they're a staple of every tale of the collapse of the old Valyrian Empire.

"Being unable to father a dynasty hardly proves your lack of desire to rule, my Lord." Tyrion smiled. "King Richard III Targaryen had no kids when he seized the throne…Besides, you might well be working for another House. Or even be secretly plotting to restore the Targaryens. Or even to bring in a democratic republic."

"My Lord…That is Bolshevik Athenian talk." Verysmuch, shocked.

"Cousin Imp…Always the rabble-rousing radical when not bombed or whoring…" Gomez beamed.

Did he really have to mention the inability to father bit…? Cersei sighed, eyeing Bob. I'm fine…No problem, babe…He mouthed back.

"Well I studied in Athens for a year…It wasn't all that awful. They have some interesting ideas. We shouldn't be afraid of new ideas, eh Lord Hand?" Tyrion shrugged to Addams.

"Never my Lord…It was wild and extreme well beyond the box into the Twilight Zone thinking that led me to some of my greatest discoveries. And quite a few lamentable, on the part of the victims, failures."

"I too must protest this questioning of my loyalty…" Middlefinger began.

"The King is merely speculating as sis noted…" Tyrion, calmly.

"We must consider all possibilities, my Lord Belloq." Gomez noted. "Though of course if you did offer violence to my son and cousin, and falsely implicated my cousin Imp here, and threatened to start civil war…" dark stare…

"But of course we must have due process and proper evidence…" he sighed. Middlefinger repressing sigh of relief as Addams calmed.

Fortunately the smoking guns are no longer smoking, Roz, Maester Mengele, and my other assassin all having died in various gruesome ways.

Well, at least it was reported so when we and the King suggested the other two be brought South for torture/questioning, he reflected…

I mean would Lord Addams lie? No way. It would be like expecting Ned Stark to take a political payoff and as soul-crushing to the spirit to find it so. I mean realpolitick is one thing, you have to have some heroes you can put faith in or the world's a jungle hell.

Though…On the other hand…

Lady Maud? The kingdom's wiliest battle strategist? Now she'd fake their deaths in a minute…

Eh, even they don't know the man behind the man behind the man who hired them and if they had talked anything useful, I'd be in the dungeon, dead, en route to Essos in my escape vessel, or organizing an "OJ Dream Team" legal defense.

"Sir." Middlefinger frowned. "If my honor and loyalty are impugned. After all I've done for the kingdom…"

"Putting us in three billions worth of debt to my father…" Tyrion eyed him.

"My books are open…" Middlefinger glared. "All I did was at the behest of the State…For the greater good…You can investigate me more times than ex-Minister of State Clinton was investigated for Benghazi in Essos, you'd still find nothing."

I mean it is a bit nasty to go after me on that, I really was completely honest there, even if I did accept a astronomical loan rate that was sure to send us into economic chaos. Heck I submitted everything in triplicate for review….

"Well, lets be fair…" Robert waved a hand. "I approved the loans without questioning them. And Belloq did warn me, several times."

"I might point out there are other potential contenders for power, two in particular who are not present." Verysmuch noted, causally.

Hmmn…Know I'll be paying through the nose for this deflection, welcome as it is…Middlefinger frowned.

"Meaning my brothers…" Robert frowned down at the eunuch, who nodded.

"It's no secret Prince my Lord Rently has spoken against you at times, regards your administrative skills and overall crude brutality. And Lord Stanislaw makes no bones about his considering himself a far fitter ruler, and has enlisted the support of the religious Right."

"Those new radicals, the Light Lorders…Yes…Peace, love, and human sacrifice…" Robert shook head. "Stanislaw is a fool to make use of such extremists. They'll turn on him in the end."

"Very well…We can consider Lords Rently and Stanislaw in the Game…" Tyrion shrugged. "Not to mention several ambitious Houses…"

"Why not even Lord Gomez here? Or Robbed Stark of Winterfalls…" Middlefinger smiled. "They could just as easily be looking to shake the throne."

"Robbed Stark?" Cersei giggled. "That noble oaf cut from Ned Stark's even oafier noble cloth?" Uh… "Sorry, honey, no disrespect to dead bestie intended." She eyed Robert.

"Soallright. I loved the bully boy but he wasn't cut out for the Game, really. Still can't believe he trusted Ser Walter as far as he could raise a glass of his cheap wine."

"It…Is…Not implausible, entirely as to Lord Stark, my Queen…" Verysmuch noted smoothly. "His parents met with a rather beneficial series of accidents at the Triplets. He's now leading noble in the North after Lord Addams."

"Try to kill his own brother…?" Cersei, shaking head.

I mean fuck his own brother, maybe…I could see that…If he was very frustrated in his love life, gay, and said brother was the prettiest guy in the Seven…

Or his sister. Allowing the gay bit to be cancelled…Not that's there's anything wrong with it, according to Royal Law #4581B.

The one against hate crimes some have dubbed "Rently's law".

Heck even my Joff found Sansa palatable before he laid eyes on that pale little Addams girl, the future Ms. My Lady Poof…

"How better to deflect attention from himself?" Middlefinger took up the thread. "And it was Lord Addams' heir who was also attacked."

"So, he murdered his parents via Ser Walter, then staged this attack, meant to murder his own little brother as well as his cousin, and got me framed to start a war he immediately resolved?" Tyrion stared.

Does sound rather clever, Middlefinger considered.

"He could not go to war in a poor cause, my Lord." Middlefinger smiled. "Lord Tyrion in effect may have pulled the rug out from under him. So now he waits his opportunity, like many a poor boy, the smartest of the bunch, born into neither wealth nor power, struggling to better himself…"

Eyes rolling round the table…

"Anyway, just an idea…" he noted.

Though if I were Robbed…

"Then of course it could House Boleyn…" Purile, eager to get his own theory, ridiculous as it might be, in. "Our ambassador to Bravvos, the utterly suave and polish yet completely degenerate and corrupt, and oddly enough, also secret religious fanatic, Ser Thomas, has many important overseas contacts, could possibly have contacted Princess Danerys and via his brother Maced is related to House Markwell, a powerful combination indeed."

"Ser Thomas is elegant shit in a silk stocking…As Father likes to say…" Tyrion nodded. "Though that Margeary Anne, his daughter, is so lovable."

"Yeah…" sighs round the room.

Cersei frowning…

Hey, I can be lovable…Very lovable…Killingly lovable…

"So if I may cut through the crap regardless of politeness, being King." Robert frowned.

"We've only too many potential killers in the crowd." Sigh.

Including one evil eunuch…Middlefinger urgently thought.

Well…Perhaps not good to harp on that…Too easily deflected on me…And it would be a pity to lose the company of such an erudite and witty dinner companion.

Storming Out, House Barftheron seat…

Office of the would be hero king candidate…

Where Prince Lord Rently had just made his entrance, Brienne Eleanor having pronounced the security arrangement adequate.

"Bro." Stanislaw, curtly. "To what do I owe the rather miserable pleasure of your sudden and unannounced visit at this critical time."

"Critical, bro?" Rently, shrewd look. Glance over to High Priestess Melisande, currently standing by the seated Stanislaw.

Oh, please…She frowned back. Trying to give me what you think passes for a "seductive" look, you poof?

"Then you just popped back in for what, Rently?" Stanislaw frowned. "To say hi?"

"Can't a bro love his bro? And his birthplace, craggy and miserable as it is? Besides, we do have a matter to discuss now that Joff is out…"

"But Tommen was fitted right in…" Stanislaw pointed out.

"And Tommy's a sweet kid…But far too young and inexperienced to be King if Rob should croak due to natural causes or the looming civil war…" Rently, taking seat before the massive slab desk.

Gods, I hate the way Stan has all the chairs so low to intimidate visitors…

"Looming a bit less right now…" Stanislaw, grimly. "And I doubt Rob would find talk of his demise very pleasing."

"One's gotta be prepped for family tragedy, especially in our line, royal bro." Rently shrugged.

"Indeed, my Lord." Melisande stepped forward. "And you should offer your devoted service to your brother, the only rightful heir."

Yeah…What my hp said…Stanislaw nodded.

Uh…All looked at Melisande gasped at the sword to her neck held by Brienne Eleanor…

"Never approach Lord Rently without his permission, ma'am." The guard Captain noted quietly, sheathing sword at Rently's nod.

"Brienne Ellie's a bit edge-happy, no offense intended to your servant, Stan." Rently, rather smugly.

"I am, as you well know, the High Priestess to the Light Lord in residence, Melisande." Melisande, grimly.

"And a former slave…And prostitute." Rently smiled.

"Rently." Stanislaw, hastily at Melisande's furious glare. "Lets not start throwing mud about…My Lady Melisande is my permanent guest and whatever her past, well-respected here."

"My earnest and profuse apologies to you, 'Lady' Melisande." Rently, overly apologetically.

"My Lord…" grim bow…

My Lord Dead Meat that is.

And to think, I was thinking of having him as King Stanislaw's chief minister and Lord Hand…And maybe, if the bi rumors are true, a boyfriend? She glared at the smirking Rently.