Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part XLVIII…
Swish, clash, clang…Unnnh…One of three figures contending in the Redder Keep's Exercise and Gladiate Hall fell back on…Her…Feet.
The lithe feet of the First Masked Avenger, aka Lady Ayra Stark…Who demonstrated said "litheness" by immediately hopping back on her feet, sword Icepick out.
"Good, good, Lady Arya…" Ser Lotus, minus armor, in resplendent gold and blue tunic with white lilies, the Markwell sigal, beamed, watching from where he stood, the Second Masked Avenger, aka Lady Wednesday Addams readying herself. "That's the way. Never let an opponent think they have you, always be ready for them."
"Now me, Lot…" Wednesday, a bit mildly annoyed at Arya's beam under Ser Lotus' praise. "Let me show you that move from last time again. I think I've got it." She adjusting her exercising tunic.
"Alright…" Ser Lotus took position. "Just remember, the waterdance thing is excellent, but sometimes you have to put a little plain ole…Oomph into…" he fell back at her charge.
"Yes!" he beamed. "Wed, that's terrific. If I'd agreed to real swords, you'd be minus one affectionate fiancée." Warm smile.
"You were just letting me take you…" she grinned, shyly.
"Not at all…Though I will take credit for updating that Bravvossian move."
"Can we get back to it or do you two want me to go?" Arya frowned, watching. "I can still just take lessons from our Bravvos Butcher if I'm in your way here."
"She's right…Work now. We've only the day before we leave for the North." Lotus grinned to Wed. "Billing and cooing later."
:"Lot…" warm smile, look down.
"Now…" he wagged finger. "Never drop your gaze like that, even if you've romantic notions toward your opponent." Grin. "He might be a treacherous skunk, pretending to be a noble fellow while worming his way into your trust." Wry grin.
"He might…" Wednesday smiled, sword back up as she took position, he tapping her blade with his. "But I've a feeling he loves me…"
"Gods…" Arya grimaced.
"I'd say sorry but not a chance…" Lotus grinned. "Perhaps you'd best take ten, Lady Arya. The Butcher's due in half an hour for your regular lesson and I need to speak to Lady Wednesday a moment."
"Sure…Fine…Gods…I'll give ya five." Arya groused, shaking head and heading out the doorway to the hallway beyond, allowing door slam.
"I suppose we should be chaperoned officially…My Lady." Lotus smiled at Wednesday who'd come over to him, face eager.
"Not officially but don't think we're not watched here…" Wednesday noted, shrewd grin.
"Think I got them all before we started. But I suppose the big wigs have their eyes and ears well concealed. But I don't care…" he stood before her.
"Wed…I know it started as a political marriage…On my side, at least…And you know, I'm sure…I'm not the most suitable marital choice." He began, a bit sheepishly.
"I love you…" Wednesday breathed. "And heck on top of being so beautiful you're actually a sweet guy and very supportive. I think we'll make it, Lot."
"I mean…If things aren't…Too…I mean, for you…" she floundered.
"It's you things might be too much for, Wed." he sighed. "But I do love you, you sweet kid. And I would love a chance to prove it and one day, I will find one. But…" he waved hands. "I don't want to make fancy promises or oaths, I do that all the time for work. I just want to say. There's no one like you. I love you. And I won't promise not to hurt you, 'cause I intend to rock your world soon Lady Wednesday Addams." Wide smile.
"Too late…Much too late…" she breathed. "But go on doing it, please…" she smiled.
"Though in everything that matters…I'll never hurt you, I swear on my soul, Wed." He eyed her.
"Good enough." She bowed, grinning. "I accept."
"Thank you…This will be always be our pledging, no matter where or when the contract is signed and the ceremony is held." He embraced her.
"Now you can tell Joffrey to go f- himself, if he or his spies are watching…" Lotus beamed, pulling back after a very long moment…
If that's faked, I'll take it…Wednesday gasped…
"…cause you're taken." Fond smile.
"Oh, Gods, yes…" she nodded.
"And not for politics or as something I'm settling for, Wed" he told her firmly. "I frankly never thought I could ever love a woman, or a man…" firm stare… "…as much as I love you, you strange pale thing, you."
Thank the Gods for bisexuality, Wednesday beamed.
….
Hall of the Greatjerks…
The "feast" over, Lord Greatjerk was in rather despairing conference with his daughter and returned son and heir…
"I'd no idea things were so bad here…" Fearing, shaking head.
"We've barely eked out an existence since the beginning but now, with tin prices falling like lead thanks to those Dookraki imports…" Lord Bombast sighed.
"Can't we appeal to King Bob?" Fearing suggested.
"As in abjectly crawling and pleading, like the lowliest serf, like some insect dragging itself on the ground, not daring to raise its servile head, a lowly worm pleading for grace?" Lord Bombast frowned.
"So you've already tried it…" Fearing nodded.
"Dad couldn't have been more craven or willing to give up everything…" Yaba noted. "The King's minister took his bribe and said he'd file a complaint. Not a word since. Nor any raven replies."
"King Robert has many cares…" Fearing shook head.
"King Robert has a fat ass that he's workin' to expand day and night." Lord Greatjerk glared. "Though I have heard tell of him sending though the kingdom for fast diet plans recently…But he'll do nothing to relieve our suffering here. We be of no concern to him or his Lannister Queen in her gold and furs and fancy dresses, exotic perfumes, expensive cosmetics…Gods is she as hot as they say, Fearing?" he eyed the boy who sighed.
Afraid so, Dad. Between cares and Her Bodaciousness, King Bob'll be preoccupied for quite a while…
"I could speak to Lord Robbed, my own dearest brother of sorts. I think if I put it to him grovellingly enough. And his cousin, the new Lord Hand Addams is a decent sort, he'd listen…Pity though that civil war didn't start, our support surely would have been worth some cash and food at least."
"In truth…It was our last hope…Outside slippin' by the Royal and allied fleets and snatching a few bits and things in raids till we're caught and finally exterminated in a genocide war." Lord Bombast, sadly.
"But…" Fearing staring… "When I broached it, you were all… 'Never shall I deal with a Stark'…"
"Bargaining position, boy…Always play hard to get, especially when you're most desperate."
"But now there's no chance of that, eh?" Yaba cut in. "Everything's peaceful and serene amongst the great Houses?"
"Never…But the Lannisters and Addams are too sensible to be tricked as some Gamester obviously tried." Fearing shrugged. "If only Ned Stark, my second well-intentioned but utterly out-of-his-depth in politics father had lived to be Hand. He'd've honorably fallen right into any scheme, like that."
"As he did…Everyone's sure Ser Walter bumped him off…" Yaba noted. "Though just why, given the Freyed are too cowardly to ever try to seize Stark or Tully-Cicero lands and King Bob would crush the old perv like a cockroach if he ever tried, is hard to figure, as yet."
"Must be part of the master plan of whoever is trying to start war…" Fearing nodded thoughtfully.
"Why kill the Starks?" Yaba eyed him. "You just pointed out Ned would've been a far better tool to start war."
"Well…I dunno…Maybe someone else did old second father in…" Fearing shrugged. "Trying to make it harder to start the war, maybe?"
"So someone who wants to prevent the kingdom's fall would kill one of its staunchest supporters?" mocking tone. "What political insights you bring, brother…" sneer.
"I don't know, sis…Dad? Tell her to stop." Fearing, somewhat whiny tone.
"Come now…" Bombast put up hands. " We may not be the richest or even mildly powerful lords in the realm but we have a responsibility to our subjects. What the hell do we do? Sell ourselves into slavery for food? Build an ark and sail to Essos and hope we can find some place to settle?"
"What about raiding and piracy?" Fearing offered.
"That was my idea…" Yaba frowned.
"And…?" Lord Bombast eyed her.
"We've 20 ships and 1000 men fit for such work…The Royal fleet at Storming Out has 150 ship and 10000 men on duty plus 20000 reserves, the Stark local fleet 52 ships and 3000 men plus 4000 bannermen at easy call." She eyed Fearing. "We steal a few things from time to time but if we get caught we'd be annihilated."
"The genocidal thing Dad mentioned, yes, I get that." Fearing nodded. "And my dear brother of sorts Robbed had mentioned that as an option if we ever faltered in our loyalty, starting with me."
"Well, you were a hostage for a reason, brother." Yaba shrugged.
"All right, raiding and piracy on a vast scale is out…" Fearing nodded. "But if we could somehow retrigger the civil war…? Say though a mysterious incident of major proportions by unknown assailants and then offered our loyal support to whoever looks like a winner…?"
Hmmn…Lord Greatjerk and Lady Yaba eyed him.
"See, just right now, with Robbed's army still in the Tully-Cicero/Frump lands, Winterfalls is relatively unguarded and this is supposedly a time of peace…" Fearing began… "A small force, concealing its identity, lead by someone who knows the Winterfalls defenses intimately…"
"Father…" he stared at the tears running.
"It's nothing…Just…My only son is home…" Bombast beamed.
…..
"Joff…Oh, my poor Joff…" Sansa, patting his back as he sobbed, both sitting on his bed in his new, reduced suite of rooms. "You mustn't despair…"
"You saw the report…" he wept. "They're bonding…Ser Lotus actually made a convincingly sincere declaration of love for her. She loves him, not me."
"Joff…"
"You…You're glad, aren't you?" he glared. "You never wanted me to win her. You've only pretended to be unselfishly helping me, with no thought of winning me. Right?"
Sansa…? You didn't want me, really? It was all just post-traumatic stress from losing your parents and all the rest? Or insane self-abnegation?
"Well…I can't say I was crazy about you and Lady Wednesday, Joff…"
Oh…
"You traitor!" he struggled to put on psychotic rage. Being psychotic, it was not all that hard…
"You wanted me to lose her! You plotted against me! You're happy I lost her and my throne?!"
Oh, Sansa…You really care?
"No, to both…" sigh.
"Oh…?"
Oh…Inward moan.
"I love you, Joff…That means I want you to be happy as you can be, given, well…You…If you want Wednesday and she'd have you, I'd have to step aside for love of you."
Plausible, if pathetic…But me? I'd have my rival poisoned at the very least…
"But if she won't love you…I must admit I'm not shedding great tears."
I can fix that,easy…Joffrey thought, somewhat happier.
Making defenseless women shed tears…Clothes…Blood…My middle name.
"As for your throne…I'm doing all that can be done and am your chief supporter and advisor…My Jonah Job to your Princess Danerys. Whom, if I may, I mean to kill both to remove as a threat to your throne and as a potential hot rival for your affections whose twisted Targaryen legacy and potentially insane nature, given family history, might make her a dangerous rival."
"Ah…" nod. "Well, sure as to killing the dragon bimbo…She's a bit too entitled to let live, fun as playing with her and my dragons would be."
"But however I feel personally regards slitting Lady Wednesday's pale little throat like a lamb being slaughtered and leaving her to bleed out in the mire or on one of our new paved roads…"
"Dad's starting to bring the twelfth century in, for sure…" Joffrey nodded.
"…I do feel for you, Joffrey, my poor love." She embraced his startled form. "I know well what it means to be part of an unrequited love duo." She kissed hs cheek.
Uh…He blinked at her.
"I think…She might possibly be trying to make you jealous." Sansa nodded solemnly.
"What?" he eyed her…Uh…Whoa, that cleavage is not…
Up here, darling…She raised his head. "And I think…You're entitled to get back at her."
Uh…Yeah…Get back down to… "Yeah, uh, get back at her…My lady love."
"And I think I might be the perfect means to do so…"
"Really?" he looked at her solemn, yet somehow eager and rather rosy…Beautiful against that reddish hair, really…Face.
But getting back to that lovely pale bosom…I mean, to vengeance on Lady Wednesday.
"You mean you'd kill her? I'm not sure if I want that just yet…" his voice near a whisper.
"Not kill her, my Lord…Not yet, anyway. Punish her." Steady gaze…
You know it's amazing how without really taking much off, just pulling a little she can really seduce…He thought.
Wait, punish? Ah…Now you're talkin'..
"Punish…How?" he eyed her lips, hesitating.
Much as I might enjoy smashing those beautiful lips, I'd rather…She kissed him suddenly…
"This how…" she noted, grabbing him fervently as they fell back on the bed.
(Hey…We haven't killed practically anybody yet, at least allow us a little integral to the tale sex, Joffrey noted, eyeing us from his on mattress position.)
…
Having been assured they were only logical suspects among many in the Game, Verysmuch and Middlefinger had agreed not to submit their respective resignations as the Extremely Small Council continued to ponder the grave threats to Westerosian stability.
"Well, whoever is found finally responsible, we've a new superweapon and restored our power alliances, so I say…Bring…It…On." King Robert concluded.
"Cerse?" he looked over.
"Right with you, holding my battleax, babe." She nodded, eager smile.
"Well, true enough we are in fair condition to meet any challenges…" Tyrion began… "But…"
A messenger had rapped at the conference room door…Jamie opening and eyeing the man coldly.
I look like I take messages?
"Hand it over, boy…" King Robert looked over. "Or if audio, spill it…"
"Yes, sire…" the messenger nodded. "Thanks to you, sire…" bow. "I've been sent to announce that Lady Morticia Addams has arrived and…"
"Cara, here?" Gomez beamed, glancing over to Robert who grinned.
"Duty may call, but love and lust wait for no sane man…Get going, Gomez." He waved. "Bring her in as soon as you've had a mo…"
"Please give Lady Morticia my best…" Cersei called as Gomez rose, begging the pardon of all…
"And no hard feelings…" Tyrion called, raising flagon.
"Always so nice to see such a happy couple." Cersei beamed to the group. "Isn't the world a lovely place these days, except for the everpresent murderous intrigues and so forths?"
