Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part LVIII…
Kings' Landing…Round midnight, Fleas' Butt neighborhood…The clichéd dark alleyway
Clang of swords…Swish of capes…
"Miscreant dog!" the diminutive figure confronted the quavering bandit leader at sword point, his men fleeing…
"Mercy! My mother needed a bone-setting…"
"And you're gonna need a new kidney and lung…" the caped figure noted coldly.
"Hey, wait…You're a girl?" the man looked down.
"I'm one of the masked avengers and whatever my gender I'm about to slice your private parts off." Grim tone.
"Gimme that…OH!" the man cried as the sword through his hand deftly.
"Arya!" a second figure in cape hurried up. "We pledged to take this one alive!"
This one…The man blinked…Trying a kick only to scream as his right thigh took a deep slash, severing tendon and he fell, moaning.
"My Lady…" a third, taller figure had come up, likewise masked. "Take care…"
"Arya?" Wednesday pulled off mask. "How are we ever gonna get intel if you keep killing these guys?"
"Eh, he's still alive, sorta…" Arya noted with shrug. "And I only killed those guys cause they kept swingin'."
"Lot?" Wednesday turned to Ser Lotus. "Help me with him, will ya? Before he bleeds to death…"
Ser Lotus kneeling with her by the man who groaned.
"Some 'Black Jack the Bandit King'…" Arya sneered. "Wuss."
"I…Got…Rights…Call a doctor…" Black Jack moaned.
"We're tying off the wound. You'll make it." Lotus insisted.
"So long as you talk…" Arya, firmly. "Else I'll have at thee again."
"No, no…Please…"
"What, you're afraid of a girl?" she sneered.
"Ar…" Wednesday put up a hand. "Come on…The man's down."
"Not so tough with me Icepick poking a few guts."
"Just go fetch a surgeon, Arya." Lotus ordered. "This tourniquet will keep him from bleeding out only so long."
"You fetch a surgeon…" she fumed. "I'll question my prisoner. Intensively…"
"Fine, just don't hurt him. Keep this tight, honey." Lotus told Wednesday and rose, hurrying off as Wednesday looked after him.
"Bit of a wuss, your boy." Ayra, scornfully.
"You want to eat that sword with those words…?" Wednesday glared. "Lot could still take you any day of the week, he just didn't want to argue while this guy croaked. Grow up and give me a hand here, will ya?" she indicated the tourniquet. "Here, you want some water?" she addressed the bandit.
"Thank ye…" Black Jack raised head feebly to accept the water pouch's nozzle.
"Fine, you got the good cop's bit…Now talk!" Arya insisted, holding tourniquet.. "Or this gets four times tighter and you lose that leg to gangrene…"
"Stop it, Ar! Look, pal…" Wednesday turned back to the stricken Black Jack. "We want some answers to what we asked you before, in that tavern."
"Ok, fine. Just…Don't let it get out that I lost to a couple of girls, then, will ya?" Black Jack sighed.
"Ran from em, more like it…" Arya sneered. "And Lot wasn't even with us there."
"I don't mean no offense…I believe in women's equality, got my daughters in school and one of my best aides is a woman." The bandit chief put up a hand. "But you can imagine how it would look, me being a bandit leader/spy...I got some troglodytes on my team, nature of the biz."
"It's fine. Just tell em three masked avengers cornered you before you could draw." Wednesday shrugged. "We'll say no different."
Arya frowning but saying nothing…
"Thanks. Ok, I gather it's my spy racket you're about?" Ummn…He groaned a bit.
"Keep the leg a little elevated, here…" Wednesday offered a bit of old folded blanket.
"Thank ye…So?" the now rather amiable Black Jack smiled faintly. "God, you have my younger girl's eyes, miss." He nodded to Arya who glared, resuming mask.
"Just talk, dog." She frowned. "Who had you seeking knowledge of the King's bastards here in Fleas' Butt?"
"Hardly the King's…" wan smile…
"Is that it? Someone wants to expose the bastards?" Wednesday…Quick look about to see if Lot had returned before using the indelicacy.
Gods…Arya catching the look around…
Romance is for wussies…
"Why bother if they're not really his or royal?" Arya asked.
Oh…She and Wednesday exchanged glances as Black Jack nodded.
"Yeah, that would be embarrassing for a certain psychopathic recently dropped from succession Prince." Wednesday nodded in turn.
"Not too good for that wuss Tommen either. "Arya noted.
"Such a nice kid…" Black Jack nodded. "But I think most folks would ignore the rumors for his benefit…"
"So it is Joffrey sending you your orders?" Wednesday asked.
"Couldn't say for sure, my orders come via intermediaries but if I had to guess…" Arggh…Black Jack groaned as arrow thwacked into him.
"Dammit!" Arya whirled, looking about.
Sound of running feet…
"Arya! Wait!" Wednesday cried as the First Masked Avenger raced off, Icepick in hand…
"As…I…Was…Sayin'…" Black Jack groaned, gasping. Wednesday grabbing blanket to staunch blood.
"I'd guess…Joffrey. But…Can't say…For sure."
"Wed!" Ser Lotus had arrived, a rather weary-looking, middle-aged local doctor following…Robed, hooded assistant in tow, carrying bag.
"If I…Don't make it…" Black Jack gasped. "Take my…Purse to…"
"An assassin, Arya's after him…" Wednesday rose.
"Come on!" Lotus called. "Doctor, tend to our friend here."
"…me daughters…" Black Jack struggled.
"No need for that, this is a flesh wound, fellow." The doctor noted as Wednesday and Lotus hurried off.
"Girl?" the doctor turned to the assistant. Who handed him a vial.
"Here, take some of this."
"Oh? You mean…I'll live?" Black Jack, stirring a bit.
"I wouldn't say that…" smile…
"Lord Middlefinger sends his regards…" as Black Jack shook violently and was then still.
"Can't believe the fellow missed at that distance." The assistant noted, pulling hood back to reveal Lady Sansa.
"Lady Wednesday makes a small and always dark target, my Lady." The doctor noted. "I'd best get the watch to remove the corpse." He took a lantern out of the bag set on the ground by Sansa and lit with a flint.
"See his purse reaches his daughters as he wished. If Ser Lotus comes back to your dwelling/office…"
"The poor fellow had bled far more than they realized but his death was peaceful…" smile. "You know it would be easy to kill Lady Addams if you'd let us be a bit less discreet."
"No." Sansa, firmly. "Joffrey must never think I targeted her. It would ruin our romance, strange as that might sound. He doesn't like it when other people kill things he loves." Sigh. "Anyway, so long as she and my idiot sister keep ferritin' round here, looking for clues as to plots against the Kingdom, she's sure to get into serious trouble, accidentally or deliberately."
"We'll bend all our efforts to make it so, Lady." The doctor bowed.
So long as Middlefinger keeps the cash following our way…He thought. And wants you alive.
"Thank you, doctor." She rose. "Say tell me, how is it, practicing in such a poor area?"
"Difficult but always rewarding, my lady." As they strolled off, down the alley…Various cries off in the dark distance… "I hope to see great changes when your Prince and his Lord Hand Middlefinger come to power. I should dearly love to implement a paid preventative health care system…"
"Indeed?" Sansa, sincerely curious… "I've heard such would be ruinously expensive and wasteful…"
"Not at all, my Lady. I can show you the figures…For every coin spent on preventative care, three are saved down the line. Lord Middlefinger has agreed to adopt it once he…Er, you all…Come to power. We could call it…"
"Joffreycare…" she nodded, careful stare… "I like it."
Joffreycare, Belloqcare…Who cares so long as it passes?
The things I do for the greater good of Mankind, the doctor noted to himself.
…..
Fearing had nervously greeted Rammed on his return to the cavern he'd been left to pace in, Rammed bearing two large sacks…
Had to assume it likely you were selling me out, given my own behavior and the times…
"You manged to find something?"
"Yes, my Lord…" Rammed bowed slightly. "Forgive my delay but I had a chance to cook a bit in an inn kitchen…To which I would've brought you but for fear you'd be recognized. The Bolted are everywhere abouts." Solemnly cautious look.
"An inn…" sigh. "Still better safe than sorry." Fearing noted. "Thanks for your services, Rammed. You shall be rewarded when it's in my power."
"My service is my reward, my Lord." Bow. "Indeed my Lord, before finding the inn I met with the good fortune of finding some items left by a passing merchant. Old stores, perhaps but still good. I believe I've managed a tolerable venison pasty, with salad and some roasted potatoes and gravy."
"Oh, my." Fearing blinked.
"And they left some rather fine imported Pentos wine, which should suit well. Pentos Red, my Lord."
"That's just…"
"Best of all, I managed a rather nice apple dumpling and cream."
"Rammed, you are a treasure…" Fearing shook head.
"My Lord." Bow. "I live to serve. Let me warm these over the fire I've built outside. Also, I thought perhaps before dinner, my Lord would care for a hot bath in a tub I managed to purchase at the inn? After all that marching in the painy fields?"
"Oh, Gods, Rammed…" Fearing sighed. "Feels like I died and went to the Seven."
"One way or the other, my Lord…I am sure you'll be going there." Dutiful bow. "The water should be warmed shortly. Please allow me to assist you in disrobing, my Lord."
