Potential spoilers for Season 5 Episode 5. Read at own risk.
ITS NOT BILLIARDS, DUDE
"Blaine," Lawrence said with some urgency into the telephone, "we're being snookered." He paused waiting for Blaine's response. When it did not come, Lawrence added, "me, I prefer billiards. It's more straightforward, snooker brings out the evil in people."
"Yah," Blaine finally volunteered, "back in Detroit, it was a different breed who played snooker. They enjoyed it too much, they'd rub your nose in it when they'd pull the cue ball behind the 8-ball."
"What have you heard?" Lawrence asked.
"Me?" Blaine remained silent for a bit, then continued, "I know that your New Bethlehem program is dead in the water. You, Joseph, you're no Jimmy Carter, he was the one who gave amnesty to Vietnam draft dodgers."
"Apparently I'm not," Lawrence said. "There're some times I think I'm the only one who wants Gilead to survive." There were way too many Commanders who prioritized their sex lives over Gilead's very existence.
Blaine was silent, then asked, "Why do you want it to survive, Joseph? For Eleanor? That cannot be it."
Lawrence chuckled, "It's good that even you, Nick, even you try to go for laughs, once in a while anyway."
Commanders often would pause their telephone conversations, just to check for suspicious clicks on the line. Hearing none, Lawrence continued.
He said, "Putnam, I'd told him I was going to call Mrs Waterford up in Canada, at the Wheelers. You know what he said?"
"No, Joseph," Blaine said, "what did he say?"
"He said he'd be right over. A High Commander of Gilead, he did not suggest I come and make the call at his place, such a busy man dropped everything and came over here."
"What happened when he got there?"
Lawrence recalled, "he basically took over the call. Told Serena that even though her idea of pivoting to Fertility Centres was a good one, that it 'would be handled', obviously not by Serena. Then he flat out hung up on her. Putnam has the subtlety of a bull."
Blaine said, "I don't understand. Why, then, the fuss about budget, staff, and protection?"
"Now THAT, Commander Blaine," Lawrence said, "that is a great question."
When Blaine remained silent, Lawrence continued, "my bet? My bet is that between Calhoun, Putnam and Mackenzie, they're cooking up something for Serena, something that Serena is not going to like."
Blaine finally piped up, "any word on June?"
Lawrence answered, "I read a report from Ezra Shaw, Serena's body man. You know what I think?" Not waiting for a reply, Lawrence said, "I think I'm not being given everything, that's what I think. Hey, Nick, what do you know about Ezra Shaw?"
"He's top flight, Joseph, top flight. A real 'fister'." Blaine continued, "exactly the guy for detail in Canada. A real believer. Hell, he'd even take a bullet for you, Joseph."
"Does he follow orders, Nick?"
Nick laughed, "it's not that he's not smart. He's killer smart. Yes, he follows orders. He also knows how to freelance, how to improvise in the field. I wish I'd had a dozen of him when I was in Chicago."
"So, then Nick," Lawrence said, "let me ask you. Why do you want Gilead to survive?" Hearing nothing, Lawrence finished the call with, "I'll see what there is about Osborne. One day, though, you're going to have to pick a lane, Nick!"
Just before hanging up, Lawrence said, "Me, I'm stuck here. I promised Eleanor. You?" Lawrence paused, "you know what I think, Nick. I think you stay because you fear that Osborne will end up back here, that's what I think. Look, dude, it's up to you - but you have married well, extremely well. Makes you almost untouchable. Almost. And Rose, she knows." Lawrence thought, then said, "me, if I were you, I'd cut my losses, head for Canada. Make a deal with the Americans. Why you're not doing that, I'll never know."
YELL AT ME LOUDER
They say that unconscious people can still hear people around them. Me, I'm not sure I am actually unconscious, I believe I've 'zoned out', as they say. 'Zonked out'. Catatonic? That's not a word one wants attached to their name. Yet, I'm obviously shut down out of morbid anxiety and/or PTSD and all that. Being chased in the woods like me and Hannah had been, that - read the previous offering - counts as a catatonic trigger.
So - if anyone is out there looking at me, please shout louder. If nothing else, tell me which side of those 45th Parallel obelisks I am. Ah, er, also Luke. Please yell at me if Luke is all right.
Luke would last 5 minutes in Gilead. He freaks out easy. At least I know intricacies and nuances of Gilead, not that any sane person should know any of it. Take that corpse for instance, the written word hanging from him, 'rapist', is not Gilead. For me, that looked like the work of pissed off Mayday women. They have cause to be pissed off.
For Luke that sight was horrific. Luke almost shut down over THAT! For me, it was another day at the office. Made me feel, strangely, at home. I knew the lay of that land.
Made me worry less for Emily. One imprints 'survival' in Gilead onto one's DNA. That imprint makes you spin out of control in Canada, where it's not needed. In Gilead, there is a disgusting sense of knowing and being comfortable with the playing-field.
Luke, he's a Gilead virgin.
Ok, he'd been shot, I'll give him that. But he's spent the last few years with the only tension having to sort through 50 varieties of eco-friendly potato-chips. None of that prepares you for seeing a corpse hanging in a tree.
GUARDIAN JAEDEN - AND THE SISTERHOOD OF A TRAVELING MIND
Okay, Serena as well as Mrs. Putnam had had a flashback. Let me deal with that before I deal with Jaeden.
That flashback was of the two of them shopping for kids - yes, shopping. For kids! For kids who'd been taken from their parents, parents who had pissed of Gilead in some way. The parents, they were probably dead or now rotting in the Colonies. 'Family values', Gilead style.
I noted Serena and Naomi confessed to being squeamish about the Handmaids Bilhah program. I'd not known that. Poor dears! Holding women down so that they can be raped, that must be so hard on you.
I also noted that Aunt Lydia had presented four initial choices of Handmaids to Serena, none of them me. Okay, I'm not at my best right now, but I did note that Serena rejected the one that Commander Fred had shown interest in. You don't need a degree in psychiatry to guess what had been going through Serena's mind on that one. I wondered if the one eventually chosen had had 'scrabble' on her resumé.
That woman, the one chosen as the first Offred, she was the one who had taught me my motto, Illegitimi non carborundum. Rita said she did not know anything about the woman, purposely so, other than that Fred fancied her after hours. Other than it was Rita who'd found her swinging from my ceiling-light cord - which answered my question as to why they'd have an outlet up there with no light fixture. Serena had scolded Fred with, 'what did you think was going to happen'.
Serena had faced a damned if you do, damned if you don't choice. I gather these days she's facing even more limited choices. Yes!
Hey! Jaeden! Focus, lady, focus. Jaeden, not Serena. I wonder if I also have a concussion. I mean, that landmine had blasted us, too. That would be wild. Catatonic PTSD as well as a concussion!? Almost a trifecta.
We wasted time in that bowling alley. That could not have been Jaeden's doing, I don't even know if he's still alive. I know that he probably bled out once Luke and I abandoned him to make our final dash north.
Make no mistake, Jaeden was a Guardian, full fledged. Had probably done all sorts of required Guardian-like things. Supervised particicutions. Gone to go get rope for the hangings. Driven Commanders to and fro. I'm probably romanticizing him by believing he'd probably never fucked a Handmade, just because he'd had opportunity. He seemed like a more innocent variety of Nick, probably what Nick had been like when he was first recruited…..
….. before Nick gravitated to Mayday, and was called into Eye of God service. Balancing what Nick balanced was no mean feat. Nick had also fathered Nichole. Nick had said, 'I should have got out with you.' I'd once hung on those words.
Yet Nick is married now. This one is no Eden. She sounds like she loves him, she's loyal to him, but she's not subjugated by him. A match made in heaven, just not one made in Gilead. I assume.
Okay, I've wandered from Jaeden. Again. I'm now almost positive it's a concussion. I get the feeling someone keeps shining a flashlight into my non-functioning eyes. But who knows?
Is someone asking me for my name?
Jaeden is too young, a lot younger than Nick. He's innocent, like Kiki, like I'd been surprised with, with Kiki in Lawrence's basement. Kiki had been 10, she'd not known anything other than Gilead. Kiki had been the brave one, not me. Kiki had been the one who, at 10 years of age, had envisioned a better place for herself. Having only known Gilead.
You know what I thought of, seeing Jaeden? Sitting there watching him and Luke compete for bowling prowess? Innocent Jaeden…
I thought, I'd never once - while in Toronto, I'd never once tried to look up any of those 86 kids. Not once. Not Kiki, not any of them. What's that about?
Maybe I was avoiding them because they figured out so quickly what took me years of brutality to learn. Jaeden had figured it all out by himself, and he was male! He'd obviously not known anything other than Gilead - he'd probably been 10 himself when the Sons of Jacob took over. Everything he's known since has been Gilead, designed for the benefit of men.
Yet he had, in all innocence, come to a time in his young life when he risked it all, for people like me, for women on the femaleroad. As a man, living a life of entitlement. Why would he endanger that, especially out of nothing but innocence?
And me? I'd got him killed. No wonder I've never even inquired about either Kiki in Toronto, or any of the other 85 innocents.
Which side of those obelisks am I? It would serve me right to get caught, again.
Besides, I would know the lay of the land better. Wait a minute, is someone shining a light in my eyes…?
DON'T DO IT
Rita looked at Sylvia as the latter was crying, apologizing for not 'keeping it together'.
Sylvia said, "I'm so sorry, you should be the one crying. You're the one who's had to endure that place. You're the one who has to endure people like me, people who can't hope to imagine what you'd been through."
Rita sat silently. What does one say to that?
"So I need to know, Rita," Sylvia said. "Do I pack up, leave Oliver with my mom - do I find a way to get into Gilead, stay alive, and get Emily out?"
"No," Rita said. "Don't go all June on us."
At that Rita's phone notification buzzed. She looked down. It was a text from Mark Tuello. "We need to chat about Mrs. Waterford."
Rita thought to herself, 'no we don't'.
Sylvia asked what the text had been about.
Rita answered, "we're all draw in, where we'd rather not go. I've just recently got Serena Joy Waterford evicted from my head, where she's been living rent free."
Sylvia said, "So? Why don't you just leave it at that?"
Rita answered. "That is a very good question."
