Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values

Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?

Part LXI…

The desert seaport city of Barth…

Dyad Institute…Formerly the Fortress of Howling Despair…

Not that it's really changed that much as to the howling or the despair…

Office of Rachel of Duncan…Clone 'daughter' of Matt Phat Pree…

Though neither devoted nor all that loving…Though really, in her own twisted way…

"You're giving me back two of my dragons?" Danerys eyed the bald 'woman'…

Hey…Rachel, dark look…I get that 'woman' body language.

I'm human as you are, probably more so given I'm no white-haired fire-resistant freak of incest…

"I am, your Highness." Rachel nodded. "But I must have your assurance you'll take me on as a close supporter. I was thinking, say, 'Hand'."

"A woman Hand?" Danerys frowned. "Are you crazy?"

Rachel, blinking… "But…"

"I'm a Targaryen with special powers, tis my right to rule over all. But I'm no social radical." Danys, grimly. "A non-royal non-heir non-Targaryen woman's place is in the home or maybe, within the glass ceiling of our medieval era, in a minor capacity job, like storekeeper, prostitute, barmaid, office administrator…" she eyed the fuming Rachel.

Office administrator? Why you little…I'm Director here.

"Hell, I plan to get women out of the Knight game. I heard all the Barftheron boys have been letting them in recently. Outrageous, I call it. I mean I did sit by and let my unworthy brother be burned to death but if he'd been fit to lead, I'd be kneelin' at his feet and beggin' to be married off to any jerk who'd advance his cause once my poor Khan died as any dutiful noblewoman not heir should." Danys insisted.

"I see…" Rachel eyed her.

Girl, that's just sickening…It's bad enough you think you're entitled to a throne because your maniac ancestors got lucky with an air power breakthrough but, this? Just so regressive…

"Now…Return my two dragons to me and I'll see you get a place as one of my ladys maids or maybe a palace prostitute for those Lords who choose to bend the knee to me."

Wow. Gee. Yeah, just want I want, Rachel eyed her.

Still…No Mother of Dragons no remote control dragons to give me power.

Just gotta find a way to simonize the bimbo's brain to put her under my control…Fortunately father Matt did have some ideas along that line.

"And I want Ser Jonah Job released. He's my chief advisor…Hey, I should make him my Hand, right?"

"Uh, sure…Certainly, Highness." What was that paper Matt wrote…'Lobotomy followed by insertion of mind-controlling worm cloned from the controller'? Yes… Citadel Journal, vol 1, Fall 295 pages 28-37.

Thank gods and Father for an encyclopedic mind…

"Hey…Lady…Queen and Khanessi here." Danerys frowned.

"Sorry, your Highness…" Rachel smiled coldly. "I think making Ser Jonah your Hand would be a fine idea…"

That should keep Lord Trumpo's attention off me for just long enough for you to recover from surgery, followed by a major show trial for treason including Ser Jonah and just about everyone who might challenge me.

Though really…That sad sack Jonah is so hot. Maybe life imprisonment would work…With me claiming to secretly oppose 'Queen' Danerys' tyrannical reign when I slip in to seek his counsel and screw him?

Smiling at Danys…

"Lets get you to your children, my Queen."

And schedule surgery as soon as my guy Meister Nealon can review Dad's paper and clone a mind worm from me.

Casterly Rock, seat of the Lannister Empire…

Currently dealing with a no longer quite so Phantom Menace in its midst…

"Cousin…" Lord Supercillious eyed his cousin and heir, the rather discomfited Lord Bings.

"But…" Lord Porthrightly to Lady Tywina… "Wasn't he…Dead?"

"Looks like Uncle was once again two steps ahead…" Tywina grinned as Supercillious wiped the mottling make-up from his face.

"Oh…My…Praises Gods do mesa say…" Bings, attempting to recover. "Oh, me cousin, so good you are not dead. How dids yous survive?"

Gods damn you, how did you? I poison cup meself.

"Indeed, Bings…" Tywin eyed him coolly. "But how did you know he was supposed to be dead?"

Bings looking from Tywin to a rather surprisingly grimly calm Supercillious to Lady Oleanna, to several others, most simply pleased at the prospect of lunch vs a long and grim investigative meeting on the murder of someone not exactly a candidate for extensive mourning…

Just confess, lets get you to the dungeons for court-sanctioned torture, and get to our lunch…Lady Alica eyed the increasingly desperate Bings.

"Mesa assume…Supercillious, cousin look dead. All were saying…"

Oops…

"And just how did you hear what everyone not in on the secret were saying, Bings? Being in another, sealed conference room and engaged in tedious but all-consuming negotiations?" Tywin, coolly.

Man is just so f-ing suave…Lord Bolted sighed in his seat at the lesser nobodies side of the round table…

It may be ostensibly designed to keep all equal but we all know where the popular kids hang…

"Seems we have you dead…And no, I'm not going to add… 'to rights'…Cousin." Supercillious, coldly.

Castle Bings should be a nice weekend hunting lodge for me…Satisfied smile.

And whiles I can never figure how Lady Padme fell for this jerk…I'm sure Widow Bings will consider my proposal judiciously after the execution.

"Mesa know nothing! Me Lord Tywin, I am scandalously abused! I am innocent!"

Well…Lady Oleanna smiled…

Seems fear does correct grammar…

"Then, my Lord…You have nothing to fear. Take him." Tywin commanded. Guards putting hands on each shoulder.

"Wait! I tell all! It was…! Arrgghh…." Bings gasping...Clutching for air, falling…

Then dodging guards and running for it…Immediately stopped by more guards, their leader eyeing him coolly, wagging finger.

The old phony assassination of the witness…Nothing doing, buddy.

This be Lannister Security…Not your usual clumsy idiot security guards.

"Nice try, thanks for the confirmation of your guilt. Take him." Tywin ordered. "I recommend, Lord Bings, that you really do 'tell all'. For once, you'll actually be listened to, in part."

"Grrrr…F-you, Lannister!" Bings growled, writhing in the arms of the guards. "Why do you think I sided with your secret enemy? Besides wanting to shut Supercillious up for good, gain his lands, and keep him away from my Lady Padme…?"

Still can't figure that one out? Has the woman no self esteem? Porthrightly hissed to his new intended.

"She was once married to Lord Skywalker, that black magic practicing, near-Joffreian child-murdering bastard who plotted against the realm years ago. Bings was a major step up for her by comparison."

"Right, the one Lady Maud cleaved at Spattered Guts…" Porthrightly nodded. "That was hilarious, he kept boasting to us about his superiority to the common herd of nobles and folk and the power of the Dark Side of Magics and she just told him 'You should not threaten babies' then rammed her sword right through his magics book, fancy magics-protected armor, chest, and began cleaving…"

"I wanted for once to be paid attention to!" Bings continued, fuming. "I'm the best negotiator in the Kingdom but no one listens to me! My advice is always ignored. I had to start talking funny just to get heeded at all. But mesa say…Me vengeance is at hand! My Master will destroy you all! All! And a new and far more efficient Second Valeryian Empire will arise…!" collapsing.

"Hmmn…From the green color and the flesh dissolving…" Lady Oleanna eyed the corpse. "I'd say this time he wasn't faking."

"Must've had poison concealed in him…Pretty potent stuff too." Tywin noted.

"Wouldn't've thought my cousin had such dedication to any cause…" Supercillious eyed the fast-dissolving corpse.

("Just so you know and of course largely to show off my abilities yet again…" Lord Verysmuch writes on parchment for raven's post. "Your agent Lord Bings has offed himself to avoid confessing. Hope alls going well on your trip. Nothing much going on here except Robert and Cersei are banging away and young Joffrey's plotting away with Lady Sansa in alliance with you, temporarily. Oh, you thought I didn't know…" grin. "Yours, Lord Verysmuch, future prime minister under Queen Danerys if she doesn't kill me for opposing her more insane decisions."

"Shit!" Belloq, reading about thirty minutes later.

Though, geesh, what devotion to my cause mixed with cringing fear of torture on Lord Bings' part.)