Game of Thrones Tales: Lannister Family Values
Summary: In an alternative universe, King Robert calls on a different old friend and brother to assist him. But whose decency, kindness, and sense of honor, while a bit different from Ned Stark's are equally strong. But are the family values of House Addams a match for the ruthless Lannisters?
Part LXXVI…
…
The secret cavern where Fearing Greatjerk anxiously awaits news from his self-proclaimed most faithful of servants, Rammed…
Anxiously as in…This place is being to wear on me. Can't we find a nice warm brothel?
Not, to be fair, that Rammed hasn't done his special agent and faithful servant damnedest to make this place quite the home away from Stark, not Greatjerk, thank the gods, home. Carpets, tapestries, quite comfy chairs, roaring fire, fancy bathtub…Heck he's even installing an old Valeryan style central heating system.
Really must commend him to Dad when we get out of this…Where on Planetos did he find such a treasure? And how did he ever get him to work for House Greatjerk?
But it is rather lonely here. Not to mention the lack of female, read whores, comfort. And while I appreciate, truly, Rammed's utter devotion…One does feel perhaps he leans toward the over-do, for reasons perhaps best left to King Robert's don't ask, don't tell policy.
Of course, I could go out and try to explore the area myself…
But, as a true Greatjerk…Discretion is so, so much the better part of valor. Really best to wait it out for Rammed's next report as to the situation in the land.
Not to mention, spareribs, salad, and saffron rice for dinner…With that excellent wine he found at the last inn he slipped into.
How does he do it? Avoiding capture and death as well as finding the choicest viands…
(Cut to shot of brutally and sadistically slaughtered innfolk, along with several overly nosy or just wrong place, wrong time customers…)
But it's time I returned to take up the Greatjerk cause…And try to go grovel to Robbed Stark for mercy and pardon, always hoping that little butterball Pugsly kept his word not to spill about our little encounter in the painy field.
Heck, it shouldn't have to be all that much groveling…If young Addams kept his word, Robbed only knows that I went off to seek Dad's assist in fighting the Lannisters.
I may have failed as a military genius, but I could still pull off a diplomatic coup worthy of Aregon the Duplicitous Targaryen, the one who led the Targaryen clan to their first great victories via treachery backed by dragon air power.
Yes, with a little luck, some wordsmithery, a bit of groveling, I'll have Robbed restoring some fraction of our lands on the coast…
Or, at least, get him to send a little food…Whilst I resume my proper place and comforts as sorta Stark brother and my new role as minor ally princeling.
Yes, indeed…He rubbed hands. Things are looking…
Crack of twigs on ground, as if by heavy boots treading…
He backed hastily and moved up the cavern in terror, dousing torches as he fled…
"My Lord?!" faint call…Rammed's voice.
Phew…
Good ole faithful Rammed…Thank the gods.
Though if it were me, I could have betrayed me for money or to save my life after being caught.
"My Lord Greatjerk!" loud hiss.
"Rammed? That you?" Fearing called, cautiously.
"Aye, my good Lord…" Rammed's call. "I have returned, with the rest of dinner, news…And a special treat." Cheery tone. "Are you well, my Lord?" he hissed as he entered the main cavern, sack on back and beside him, a hooded figure.
"Quite, quite…" Fearing, approaching carefully from back up the cavern, sword at side, in hand. "Rammed? Who might this be?!"
Stifled mumbling from the hooded figure…
"Calm yourself, my Lord." Rammed put up a hand. "This is a friend…"
If she wishes to go on living…He thought, removing hood with flourish to reveal a rather comely maiden.
"Oh…Hello?" Fearing, blinking…
The maiden, a young woman of about twenty, nervously glancing about…Then, at stern look from Rammed, kneeling.
Young, comely, eh? Fearing like young, comely…He beamed.
Still, an unexpected visitor…Not always good…
And it's now potentially two against one.
"My Lord…" she hissed. "I be Sonya, friend of Rammed B…" cutting off the name at a withering look from Rammed.
"Bee, sir. My most unworthy surname, utterly forgettable and of no import. From my father, a minor lord's beekeeper." Rammed hastily explained. "But you may trust this girl, she is an old friend and an agent who has worked with me many a time."
"Oh…" thoughtful nod.
Dad coughed up enough for two of them? Impossible.
Perhaps Robbed?
Damned nice of him if so…A true brother of sorts…Though perhaps as much to keep an eye on me…
"She owes me her life a number of times over, as I do her."
Sorta true…Sonya thought. He didn't kill me, yet.
And I kinda have acted as his agent in a few matters, mainly involving locating, tormenting, and brutally murdering young women, hapless fellows he picked at random, and the occasional male enemy of his dad's.
"I see…" Fearing nodded, still a bit clueless.
Not to mention…Geesh, you brought your girlfriend to dinner without even…
Cause really, I cannot see any way Dad put up enough dough for her as well…
"Forgive me for presumption, my Lord." Rammed, careful dignity. "You had mentioned a desire for female companionship…"
Sonya, slight frown…
Not a bloody f-ing whore…Since I became your girl and partner in serial killing and torture.
"Oh…Yes…" Fearing, beaming now.
We are gonna cut his privates off and then torment him to utter degradation, right? Sonya eyed Rammed.
Don't tell you brought me here for…
"She's a fine and willing girl, my Lord. I'm sure you'll find her pleasing." Rammed, bowing slightly.
You son of a …She glared at him when Fearing turned a bit.
On the other hand, I see the sadistic possibilities of letting him think…Yeah, could be fun. And as usual, I'd say I have little choice, she eyeing Rammed's stern look.
"Now I call that true service, Rammed." Fearing, happily clapping him on the shoulder. "But why don't we have some dinner first? Sonya? Have a seat…" he grandly waved her over to a stool with cloak draped over it. She taking seat at Rammed's look.
Ok, I can play along…
"Thanks, my Lord." She beamed.
"You too, Rammed. You must be hungry. Lets forgo protocol and enjoy a pleasant meal together." Fearing, eagerly.
"Oh, no…My Lord…" Rammed shook head. "It would hardly be proper…"
Sonya eyeing him…
Really selling it…If my heart hadn't turned to granite over our hideous crimes together, I could almost feel sorry for the dumbass.
"Now, Rammed. Indulge me. I've always believed, since my time with those liberal pansies, the Starks, in minor efforts to improve the lot of the working joe and jane." Fearing insisted with smile. "And I'm eager to hear what news you've brought. Come, lets get dinner together and share a cup."
"My Lord, you are too kind." Rammed, slight protest.
"Now, now. Tonight, we're equals." Fearing, expansively.
Not unless you have a penchant for feeding peasant children to wild dogs, Sonya thought.
Still…I been gettin' the disturbing sense that my whacko boyfriend/owner may have a soft spot for this clown.
…
Kings' Landing seaport docks…
"Are you sure about this, my liege?" Tyrion eyed Rob in his full kingly regalia, Cersei likewise beaming at his side as they stood ready to board the fleet's flagship, the Barftheron…
"It might be best if I went to Stormin' Out, in your place…We can't be sure it's safe for your Majesties." he noted.
"No, Tyr…I want this PR stunt to have full weight and effect, now we're committing to it." Rob nodded, Cersei in happy agreement.
Our first big royal tour since happiness found us…Oooh, a real honeymoon.
"We'll bowl Rently and that sweet girl of his over in Our gracious approval of his marital alliance. And stick it to my brother Stanislaw in the process. Win-win…" chuckle.
"I just hate to see you taking risks at such a time, Your Majesties." Tyrion sighed.
Aww, what a sweet baby bro…Cersei beamed.
"Eh, what's life for but to take risks. Gomez and his Lady are getting to have some fun doing so, why not us?" Rob grinned. "Besides Tommen is safe here with you and the Guard, no great loss as far I go if our friend the Menace takes me down. And I've tried to get Cerse here to stay…" eyeing Cersei who gave a proud… "Hell, no"…look.
"And we have not only yours truly, who's hopefully lost enough of the puff and regained enough sinew to wield a sword a bit, but the best killer knight in the realm…" Rob, nodding to Jamie, who, sighed but nodded in gratitude…Cersei beaming at him in utterly, but utterly sisterly, loving fashion.
Well, respect begets respect, right? And I did say it was nice to see Cerse so happy. Life and whoring go on, I guess…Jamie, sighing again.
Besides…Slight guilty look over at Tyrion who gave him a fond nod… "Take care of yourself as well as them, Jamie!" call…
I'm not the only Lannister brother who's known heartbreak.
And in both cases, one could argue I was the cause…
"Verysmuch?" Rob turned to Verysmuch, in formal robes of State besides Tyrion, who beamed… "Take good care of my bro here and keep him and me informed. And good luck with the negotiations in Essos…"
"Of course, your Majesty…" Verysmuch bowed. "My Queen, a safe and triumphant journey in helping to forge this new alliance." He bowed in turn to Cersei, who offered her hand to kiss…Kindly repressing grimace as he did so.
Gosh, she's really gotten so nice in the last few weeks…He thought, rising.
There are times when I do wonder if I'm backing/betraying the wrong horses here.
Of course, it's all part of the Game to keep one's options slightly open…Though if my own Targaryen is all he's (or she, sly look to us) cracked up to be, no great loss to the common joe anyway.
Assuming mine dodges the inbred hereditary insanity…
(He might at least consider me as a potential candidate…Middlefinger eyes us from his tent seat. I have the vision thing, global empire, a new and greater Valyria, and all that.)
"And I'll put the fear of the Gods in my brothers and that trollop priestess, never fear, boys!" Rob noted to both Tyrion and Verysmuch.
"We'll be just fine, Tyrion." Cersei came to him, offering hand which he kissed. "You take care of yourself…Don't forget you're surely on the hit list as well, baby bro." warm smile, wagging forefinger at the astonished Tyrion. "Verysmuch, I join the King in putting my beloved brother in your care." Stern look to Verysmuch who nodded, graciously…My Queen.
"A sincere pleasure as well as a duty, your Grace…" he nodded.
"And let us know anything that comes in from Lord Gomez!" Rob to Verysmuch, Verysmuch nodding. "We'll all keep in close touch by Ravenspost and messenger and that new semaphore flag thing you came up with, Lord Hand…" Rob noted to Tyrion. "Wonderful thing, really."
"Well, Lord Hand Addams' intriguing idea for a lightening powered communications device, what did he call it? Telecipher or something like that? Should quickly make my little gizmo obsolete, once he perfects it, but I appreciate it, your Majesty." Tyrion bowed. "Since you're set on this, take special care, both of you, and give my best to your brothers, my liege. Safe journey!" he stepped back. Several attendants stepping forward to offer a trumpet blast as the crowd watching cheered the royal couple, guards led by Jamie, and attendants, as they boarded.
"Goodbye and all that!" Rob called, waving. "Huzzah! Goodbye, all!" Cersei, waving, as the ship followed, by several others, headed slowly out to sea. Cheers following them…And genuine expressions of concern from the crowd…
"They like us. They really, really like us!" Cersei fondly noted to Rob, who nodded, putting arm around her and waving.
"Well, my little Lord…" Verysmuch smiling to Tyrion as both waved at the departing ship. "Here we are, holding the fort as it were."
"Indeed." Tyrion nodded. "But I'd still prefer to be the one heading out. Rob takes too many risks."
"A brave man must. As do you, my Lord Hand, standing out here to draw the Menace's lightning." Wry smile.
"I, and I suspect more firmly, my father, can but hope, Verysmuch. I'll try to see it doesn't hit you, as best I can."
"If it's of benefit to the Kingdom and his Majesty, let it fall where it may, sir." Verysmuch, serene smile. "But permit me to say I suspect you hope to reflect it back upon the Menace." Eyeing Tyrion…
"We can but hope, Verysmuch. We can but hope." Tyrion nodded. "Anyway, Rob should have a ball driving Stanislaw crazy and jerking Rently around a bit before letting him know alls well, so long as he doesn't push his new alliance too far."
"It's a master stroke, indeed." Verysmuch agreed. "The alliance now becomes a source of new strength to Westeros and Stanislaw can do nothing but accept it. And His Majesty will indeed have a ball, twisting him and his nuts in the wind." Impish smile to Tyrion who chuckled as Verysmuch shrugged and smiled.
One must be able to laugh at one's deformities from time to time, eh?
"It does worry me, that strange new faith and its bizarre priestess." Tyrion sighed. "I've much rather have had a chance to scope her out for myself and see what she's capable of before we risk their Majesties."
"She is an unknown quantity, which as Foreign Minister and Spymaster does concern me as well. But, as the King said, there is still Prince Tommen, safe here with us." Verysmuch noted. "And, of course, his royal brother…"
"Oh, gods…Please don't remind me of Joffrey. Except that it reminds me to double the guard around Tommen." Tyrion, wan smile.
"That would be a wise move…" Verysmuch agreed.
…
"Conference room" 101 of Barth Cloning Containment Facility…
"Forgive me for not being able to allow your 'children' to enter while we finish our deliberations, my dearest…" Taro Trumpo Don, expansively. "But, as you can see, this is a rather limited room as to air space."
"Sure…" Danerys shrugged, looking about the rather sparce room. Some long wood slabs with sheets and something probably used to tie down a few of the more troublesome…Maybe some of the test soldier clones, maybe political rebels?
Either way, not a policy I, as a strong advocate of the divine right thing, would object to.
This isn't…And if I do take over, definitely will never be, Athens.
Still…She eyed a few attendants regarding her or diligently working at various tasks but casting glances her way…Hey, while it's not a free country, look all ya want, folks. Your almighty, and almighty hot, Queen-Empress is here. Regardless of how marriage negotiations proceed…
Though, not exactly the sort of room I'd expect to be wooed in. Nor to hold important power negotiations in…
Still, I read somewhere…Or more likely, Ser Jonah…OH! Slight trembling of cheek… Told me about something he'd read. About real power needing no trappings…
Or maybe it was Eerie, she's a bit of a bookworm, always reading and writing stuff for her night and correspondence classes…She glanced over to a somewhat troubled-looking Eerie…
Not that as Lord Addams' agent I have a real stake here, Eerie thought. Indeed, I'm even inclined to do what I can to prevent this privileged bimbo from taking the Westeros throne.
Still, not happy about seeing a woman reduced to a mindless serf. Particularly in the grip of this jerk, she eyed Taro who beamed happily, reeking of self-satisfaction.
Yes, oh yes…He glanced now over to his chief scholar and Meister who gave a slight nod…
Everything is ready, sire.
Just gotta be sure she can still talk and attend functions without drooling…
"Come, my dear…" Taro waved her over to the major piece of furniture, a large table with benches around it. "Have a…"
"…Delightful chemical lobotomy…" he smiled at two attendants grabbed her from behind and laid her, struggling onto the nearest bench.
"Well, a little chemical, a lot biological…" the Meister, indeed the same Meister Nealon Rachel had plotted with and counted on, noted… He, second only to Phat Pree himself in intellectual ability.
Rather easily won over to Team Taro before Pree's untimely demise by dragonfire by the lures of wealth, power, and a promise of his own personal clone harem…
"Mmmph!" Danerys, trying to kick and shake free.
"A little of this…" Nealon handed a bottle and cloth to an attendant. "And we're on our way to giving Barth its new Queen Empress."
Oh…Danys blinked.
"Is this some sort of ceremony for my coronation?" she looked over at Taro… "Or Barth wedding custom stuff? Remember, I haven't said yes, yet."
"Under you, of course, Emperor." Nealon quickly responding to Taro's slight but grim stare.
"Chancellor…For the present." Taro noted as the attendant with soaked cloth approached to put Danerys under.
"And sure, dear…" oily smile at Danys. "Just the usual ceremony…" rolling eyes at Nealon as the attendant applied cloth and Danys went under, head lolling.
"And I wouldn't dream of not having your consent, however groveling." Taro grinned at her unconscious form.
"Nealon? You are sure once order 666 is fully implanted and implemented she won't find someway to wriggle out from my control?" he frowned at Nealon, busy examining her.
Hey, I'm no fool and she's reputed to have super-powers…
"I cannot fully guarantee, Chancellor, given her unusual nature…Ah, there…She is quite pretty when asleep...That the process will be as effective on her as the clones or normal humans. But there's no reason to suspect it won't be." Nealon reflected, nodding to the attendants clustering about now.
Natural philosophers…Taro frowned. Never a yes or no…Always hedging their bets, just in case their ideas and the causes they back fizzle.
"I'd simply recommend a bit of caution, Sire." Nealon noted, carefully. Eyeing the now sleeping Danerys and waving for attendants to carry her to one of the slabs further down.
"Experiment 2031…Targaryen subject, young woman in early twenties, unique genetic make-up." Nealon noted to a waiting scribe.
"I think she's under 20, Sire." Eerie noted.
Uh-huh…Nealon, Taro…
Not that she's not tremendously hot…But…This dame's over 20, camon, all eyeing Eerie.
Well, she always said…Eerie thought, a bit miffed.
…
Well…Rachel sighed, slight frown as she eyed the door to the "conference room"…
Not only am I cut out of the big scene and the gloating triumph…
But at least two of these flying freaks seem quite eager to roast me alive. She looked up at the two glaring down at her.
And Viseryon doesn't seem all that thrilled with me…She eyed the Quisling dragon's carefully narrow stare.
Hey, I know all about betrayal, girly…His look clear. And I'm watchin' you.
And I wasn't even offered the option of Dad's new heat-resistance armor, she sighed, eyeing the well-clad guards.
Great. In thirty minutes or so, our new rather less chatty and quite blank-eyed Queen emerges and I get…What? To be her maid? Taro's occasional sex toy? Both?
All my scheming and machinations come to this? A true crime…
I mean, to me…And besides the real crime going on in there…
Unless Nealon proves true…Smile.
Though that's the crime to me, not the other…That's a go no matter what, she beamed.
Although I still gotta wonder if Nealon ever got himself on Dad's control list for my own 666 command…I have the creepy sense I wouldn't remember if he did and ever used it.
Nah, Dad with all his many creepy faults wasn't about to let his weirdly beloved girls be abused, particularly by his chief underling and potential rival.
…
