NOTE: Small trigger warning for a subtle reference to suicide towards the end of the chapter. No one is headed in that direction and the reference is so subtle you might even miss it, but it is there and I didn't want to take the chance.
Thank you all for your continuous support! I really hope you enjoy this one! 3
Chapter 9 – Total Eclipse of the Heart
Emma parked the car on the side of the road, just across the street from a building Regina recognized all too well. Surely this wasn't where Emma was taking her, this was Mary-Margret's loft. It couldn't be where her parents lived. Unless—
Regina turned to Emma. "You've got to be kidding me."
"What?"
"When exactly, in this little fairy tale, were you going to tell me that the Charming's are your parents?"
Emma laughed. She took off her seatbelt. "After everything that's been going on, it hasn't really crossed my mind."
"It had more than enough time to cross your mind," Regina snapped, feeling more panicked than she did angry. "Little tip, Miss Swan, the next time you need to fill someone in on the last five years of missing memories, do include the people who gave birth to you."
"Regina, will you relax?" Emma said with a smirk. "What difference does it make?"
"It makes all the difference! Need I remind you that I tried to have your mother killed?" She asked in an urgent whisper, as though her past had been a well-kept secret. "And now I'm about to walk into her home, outed by a memory potion that backfired. I might as well tattoo your name on my forehead."
"Really? 'Backfired' is what we're going with?" Emma asked, clearly entertained by Regina's frenzied state.
Regina's eyes shot straight into Emma's, but her laughter only continued, making it difficult for Regina to keep a straight face. The irony of it all was hard to ignore. A former enemy turned friend, conceived a saviour that may or may not prove to be Regina's true love, who then gave birth to Regina's son. Clearly a higher power was having a laugh at Regina's expense, so all she could do was laugh with it. She broke into a chuckle, shaking off the panic that had overcome her. She became increasingly amused with how everything came full circle.
"It'll be fine," Emma said. "Trust me."
Regina looked at her. "I can't believe I never pieced it together. You're a textbook Charming."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're just as insufferable as your parents," Regina said with a sly grin.
Emma playfully rolled her eyes. She opened the driver's door and stepped out of the car. "And yet you can't help but stick around."
They made their way up the stairs to Mary-Margret's loft, a climb Regina's done over a thousand times, yet her legs felt heavier with each step. The once familiar chipped paint along the railings became unrecognizable the closer they got to the front door. Maybe if this had all been kept under wraps, her nerves would have subsided, but the whole town was made aware of her predicament and that included Snow and David. Regina's emotions were essentially on display for everyone to see. She felt like a walking neon sign that kept flashing Emma's name. She barely wanted to discuss the situation with herself, least of all with the Charming's.
Panic settled in once more as they reached the door. What would she say to them? What would they say to her? She turned to Emma, who gave her a reassuring smile, and mustered the courage to follow her into the loft. Henry was the first to greet them, jumping into Regina's arms in a way she'd never grow tired of. She held him close and kissed him on the forehead.
"Hey kid," Emma said as Henry hugged her next.
He looked between the two of them, seemingly happy to have them both in the same room. "So, where are we on Operation Phoenix? What's our next move?"
Emma took Regina's night bag and set it down on the couch. "Haven't made much progress but we're working on it."
"Operation Phoenix?" Regina asked.
"It's the name of our mission, you know, the one where we get your memories back so you and mom can finally admit your feelings for each other," Henry said bluntly.
Regina froze. She held her hands at her waist, nervously fidgeting with her fingers. Apparently, she didn't need a potion to out her, their feelings had been obvious to everyone besides the two people they actually concerned.
"Okay," Mary-Margret stepped in, pulling Henry to her side as though trying to prevent him from saying anything further. "How about we let your moms settle in and I'll make some hot-cocoa. Regina, you can sleep upstairs tonight, David's just setting the bed for you."
"Thank you."
"Mom, is it alright if I come up with you tonight?" Henry asked.
Regina smiled as wide as her lips would let her, knowing even that couldn't express the joy erupting from inside her chest. It felt as though her heart swelled to three times its size. She nodded eagerly. "Of course."
David came down the stairs from the bedroom. "Good to see you, Regina. How've you been holding up?"
"Fine, thanks," Regina said, more timidly than she intended.
"Everything okay?" Mary-Margret asked.
Emma looked at Regina, who still hadn't moved from the front door, then back to Mary-Margret. "I kind of forgot to mention that you were my parents."
"It's just a little hard to wrap my head around," Regina admitted.
David laughed. "Harder than finding out Emma was your true love?"
Regina choked on her breath. She cleared her throat, gulping down the heat rising up her neck.
Mary-Margret rushed to David's side and nudged him in the ribs.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"I don't think either of them had the chance to discuss that in very much detail just yet," Mary-Margret said discreetly behind clenched teeth and a forged smile.
Regina rolled her eyes. This was exactly the kind of encounter she didn't want to have. She grabbed her bag on the couch and walked past Emma towards the stairs, turning to her just before she climbed up. "See? Insufferable."
Upstairs on the mezzanine, Regina threw her bag on the lounge chair and sat at the edge of the bed. She heard Emma telling her parents about Hook and his unexpected visit, thankfully leaving out the very crucial part about what exactly he had interrupted. The last thing Regina needed during these already humiliating circumstances was for David and Mary-Margret to find out that she'd made a move on their daughter. And that wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was that she wanted to do it again. In fact, the moment hadn't left her mind since it happened, sending pleasant chills throughout her body if she thought about it in too much detail. Regina pushed her thoughts aside, refusing to spiral down the intricacy of it all. It became clear to her why she had kept herself in denial for so long. Trying to sort it all out was utterly exhausting. She couldn't imagine how hard it must have been when her memories were intact. She lay down onto the bed and fell into a blank stare. Her relationship with the Charming's had been rocky to say the least. They each had experienced more years of hardship and loss at the hands of one another than they had of genuine friendship. And although they've evolved into the unconventional family that they were, Regina still felt that some wrongs could never be righted on her part. She still carried shreds of guilt for all the havoc she had once reeked upon their lives. In her mind there were still some boundaries that couldn't be crossed, and after what she's just learned not moments ago, pursuing Emma became one of them. The blind optimism she felt earlier that night had come to a crashing halt, quickly dissolving into sheer disappointment. Reality always did have an unapologetic knack for making itself known in the most sadistic of ways.
Regina heard footsteps clanging against the metal stairs. She lifted her head slightly to find Mary-Margret coming into full view with a mug in her hands.
"Hey," Mary-Margret said, setting the cup onto the nightstand. "Thought you might want something a little stronger tonight, so I made you coffee instead. I even took the liberty of adding a little bit of baileys."
Regina sat up and took the mug from the nightstand as Mary-Margret sat beside her. She took a sip, immediately wincing as the drink burned down her throat. The harsh taste of smoked malt lingered on her pallet. She looked at Mary-Margret in a disgruntled stare. "Last I recall, Baileys was meant to be sweeter than this."
"Okay so I had no Baileys left," she said with a shrug. "I might have added straight whiskey instead."
"Yea, I can see that now," Regina said. She set the mug back down and exhaled, feeling the heat from the whiskey brush past her lips.
"Did you really not know we were her parents?"
Regina scoffed. "Do you think I'd be here if I did?"
"I guess not," Mary-Margret said with a laugh. She placed a comforting hand over Regina's forearm, turning to a more serious tone. "I can't imagine how you must be feeling…trying to grieve for someone you lost while trying to remember someone you have, it can't be easy."
"I'm not in the mood for a heart-to-heart," Regina said.
"Well tough, you're getting one."
Regina rolled her eyes. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me? This is your daughter we're talking about."
"Trust me, I know, but you need all the support you can get Regina, and right now, we're it," Mary-Margret said simply. "When are you finally going to realize that you no longer have to feel anything alone? I know that this might be confusing or even frustrating but don't shut yourself out. Despite everything, we're family and we're with you through it all."
Maybe the whiskey in her coffee had been a good call on Mary-Margret's part after all. If Regina was going to endure this conversation, she needed all the help she could get and drowning her insides with cheap alcohol seemed like the perfect approach. She reached for the mug and gulped down its contents.
She turned to Mary-Margret. "Do you wanna know what I really feel?"
Mary-Margret nodded.
"Guilty."
"Why?"
Regina sighed. "Because I knew. Even with my memories wiped out, from the moment I 'first' saw Emma pestering me on my front porch, I knew. And that could only mean I must have known before drinking that potion. You can erase memories, but you can't rub out what they made you feel."
"What about that makes you feel guilty?"
Tears sprung to Regina's eyes. "Because my denial killed an innocent man."
"Regina," Mary-Margret said calmly. "Robin's death was not your fault."
"Wasn't it though? He died to save me. He obliterated his own soul because he loved me. If I had just been honest with myself from the beginning, none of this would have happened. He'd be alive, raising Roland and his daughter. Instead, he's buried in the ground, and I put him there."
Mary-Margret took Regina's hand and held tightly. "Hades put him there, no one else. Whether you were able to admit the truth or not, you can't blame yourself for the doings of evil."
"I can because I was evil. All of this," she said gesturing to her surroundings, to Storybrooke itself. "Came from my own villainous ways. And from that, I unintentionally bring chaos wherever I go and inflict it on those I love. At first, I thought fate was giving me a second chance with Emma, and I was ready to take the plunge, but when I found out she was your daughter I just…I can't take that risk. I've given you so much hell over the course of our entire relationship, taken so much away from you, but I won't take this."
Regina clenched her jaw. She felt the horrors of her past creep up from behind her, tearing down any glimpse of hope she previously had. How could she think she had another chance at happiness when she had a lifetime of sins to pay for? If she'd gone ahead with Emma like she intended to, she'd not only be risking Snow and David's daughter, but Henry's mother as well. It was too much. Emma's place in Storybrooke gained more and more gravity as Regina got to know her. For everyone's sake, she couldn't take that chance. Regina took a deep breath before she continued. "Everyone I ever let myself love died right before my eyes. I won't let the same thing happen to Emma."
Mary-Margret smiled. "Regina, do you know what I think?"
She looked at Mary-Margret through glossy eyes.
"I think life has its own way of giving you what you need. It may not always be ideal or even fair, but I do believe that everyone's journey brings them exactly where they need to be, and that includes yours. Don't deny yourself happiness because you think it isn't deserved. I've seen you Regina, and you're just as capable of good if not more so than you are of evil. When you love someone, you feel it so deeply you'd sacrifice anything to protect them, even yourself. And that kind of selflessness, that kind of passion…you don't find it in many people. You might think you're putting Emma in danger by letting yourself feel, but from where I'm standing, I've never seen her in better hands."
Regina's lips trembled into a smile as a tear slipped down her cheek. "How are you so okay with this?"
"This is hardly news to any of us," Mary-Margret said with a laugh. "All the two of you have ever done was fight over who cared more."
Regina replayed both memories she had uncovered with Emma earlier that day. She sighed. "I suppose we have."
Mary-Margret took Regina's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She got up from the edge of the bed and made her way down the stairs, turning around before she disappeared from view. "We forgive you, you know. Our past…it's complicated at best but…we forgive you."
Regina looked up at her with a smile and nodded in gratitude.
The next morning, Regina woke up with what felt like the repeated blow of a hammer to the head. She rubbed eyes and turned to find Henry snuggled up beside her. The pounding slowly dwindled away at the sight of him, mimicking his slow, soft breaths as he slept. She felt the peaceful air he emanated flow through her body, slowing her heart rate and steadying her breath. A soft smile spread over her lips. This was all that mattered. He was all that mattered. No matter what Regina was going through, no matter how much pain she felt, his well-being always brought warmth to her heart. Henry's happiness would always outweigh her own. And this, what Mary-Margret called selflessness, was exactly what Regina's mother tried to warn her about all those years ago. This was why she ripped her heart out and hid it away. She knew love was powerful enough to destroy her. But Regina wasn't like her mother. She'd gladly destroy herself for Henry's sake. She'd feel every ounce of pain if it meant he felt none of it. She gave him a light kiss on the forehead, careful not to wake him and slowly slipped out from under the covers.
Still in her silk, blue night shirt and matching pyjama pants, Regina headed downstairs where David and Mary-Margret already started breakfast. She walked over to the kitchen island. "Where's Emma?"
Mary-Margret put her index finger up to her lips and gestured to the couch where Emma lay sound asleep. Regina looked at her, feeling the same protective veneer wash over her. She studied the rise and fall of her chest, how it sent oxygen to her own lungs, how it mirrored the rhythm of her heart.
"How did you sleep?" Mary-Margret asked in a whisper, pulling Regina out of her thoughts.
She turned back to face her, running her fingers through her hair. "Not very well if I'm honest. I've hardly been sleeping at all these past few weeks. Or at least I don't think I've been."
"What do you mean?"
Regina sat on the stool by the island. "It's strange, I feel myself falling asleep, but every morning I wake up with these splitting headaches as if I hadn't slept at all."
"Do you think it has anything to do with the memory potion you took?" David asked as he whisked the eggs in a pan.
Regina shook her head. "I'm not sure. But this isn't usually a side effect."
A light groan came from the couch. Regina turned around to find Emma stretching out her neck before brushing through her disheveled hair. She smiled at Regina. "Good morning."
"Good morning," Regina said with a cheeky grin.
They both held their gaze until Henry came running down. "Morning moms, grandma, grandpa!"
The four of them sat around the table while David served breakfast. The smell of crisp bacon and scrambled eggs filled the loft as they passed around the plates. Regina watched as David and Emma engaged in conversation about work. She watched as Mary-Margret stirred her coffee while listening to Henry telling her about his dream. This was something she could get used to. The clink of metal utensils against ceramic plates, the chime of each cup as drinks were being stirred, the constant chatter. She liked the loudness of it all, the way each sound meant company and good company at that. She didn't engage much, but enjoyed letting it happen before her, taking it all in as much as she could.
Emma's phone suddenly rang. She excused herself from the table and answered. Regina could hear her tone of voice change from buoyant and cheerful to strictly business. When she returned to the table, Regina couldn't hold down the desire to know who made Emma's voice shift the way it did. She set her fork down and leaned over the table. "Who was that?"
"Gold," Emma replied.
"What did he want?" David asked.
"He said he found something in his shop that might explain who broke in. I'm gonna head down there after breakfast," she said before turning to Regina. "Then I'll stop by the station to check the camera footage from your study. Meet me there around noon?"
Regina nodded.
"Gold?" Emma called out as she walked into his shop.
He emerged from the back room. "Ah Miss Swan, how lovely to see you."
"What did you find?"
He lifted his cane and pointed it to a grey and red striped scarf folded neatly on a glass counter. "Do tell my grandson that while I find his attempts to sneak into my shop quite charming, I don't particularly appreciate when people try to steal from me."
Emma walked over to the counter and took the scarf into her hands. She ran her fingers over the cotton, realizing the last time she saw Henry wearing it was when she came looking for answers about returning Regina's memories. She looked up at Mr. Gold. "I don't think he was trying to steal anything. He wanted to hear our conversation when I stopped by. He wanted to know how to get Regina's memories back."
"Case closed then. Just keep him out of my shop."
Emma nodded and made her way to the door, pushing it open slightly.
"Oh, and Miss Swan?"
She turned around.
"I suggest you move quickly," he said. "Regina hasn't got much time left before her actions become irreversible. And believe me, you don't want to be around when they do."
"What do you mean?" Emma asked.
"All magic comes with a price, and Regina is about to pay it."
Emma let go of the door and walked back in towards Mr. Gold. "But hasn't she already paid it? She lost her memories…she doesn't know who I am."
He put both hands over his cane and straightened his back. "That was never the price, dear. Every moment you stand here with me, Regina is losing more parts of herself than she intended to when she brewed that memory potion. She's fading into something she spent a lifetime trying to escape."
Emma took a moment to think. "The Evil Queen? But how?"
"You see," he said, holding up his index finger. "When she altered the spell to her true love, she never specified which. So, naturally the potion keeps on working until she's forgotten every last one of them. And when you snuff out true love from someone's heart, the consequences can be catastrophic."
"So her heart…it's—"
"Turning black."
"And how do we stop it?"
"You already know how. Now I'm afraid my time of benevolence is up. Good day, Miss Swan. Give Regina my regards," Mr. Gold said. He turned around and walked to the back of his shop.
Her mind raced with questions both answered and unanswered. Their time had been calculated from the moment Regina took that potion. Who knew what stage she was at already, what stage she would soon reach. Emma took a deep breath. She needed to figure out a way to save Regina and quick.
When she got to the station, Emma pulled up beside Regina's black Mercedes. With her car in park, she took a few seconds to recollect her thoughts, or at least change the panicked expression on her face. Emma knew just how delicate Regina's relationship was with her past and she knew she needed to tread lightly over the subject. She took a deep breath and got out of her yellow bug.
Emma walked in to find Regina sitting on top of her desk, cross-legged in a leather skirt and a silk, cream coloured blouse that revealed just enough of her chest to unveil the lacy bralette tucked underneath. Regina pursed her lips and hopped off the desk in the most elegant way, leaving Emma in what felt like a conscious yet unconscious gaze, unable to tear her eyes off her. She wondered how Regina did it, how the poise of her presence shifted reality into an R-rated daydream. Their kiss had really done a number on Emma, and she'd be lying if she said she hadn't wanted more. Before Hook interrupted, she swore she could feel Regina's walls crumble into dust. She felt her own demons burn from the flames of desire that ignited from within her chest as Regina pulled her in closer. It was as though they both needed a kind of release from their own torment. A release they could only ever get from one another.
"Emma?" Regina said with a raised brow.
Emma cleared her throat. "Sorry, just…distracted."
Regina walked towards her. Each step more seductive than the last as black stilettos clicked against the floor. "Everything okay? What happened with Gold?"
"Nothing," Emma shook her head. She didn't yet know how to tell her about the severity of their issue. She also needed to stop lusting over the woman at the most inappropriate time. "Let's check out the camera footage."
Regina looked at her with furrowed brows. "There's something you're not telling me."
"I promise I'll explain everything soon."
Emma sat down at her desk and started scrolling through the footage. Regina leaned over her, watching her manoeuvre through the pictures and time slots on her screen. The still image of her study remained as it was while Emma fast-forwarded through the late hours of the night. When the time hit 3:18 AM, Regina pointed at the screen.
"There!" she said, pointing to a shadow that miraculously appeared at the corner of the frame. "That shadow."
Emma squinted at the screen. "I see it."
Regina placed her hand over her hip, moving in closer to study the footage. She turned to face Emma. "Can you get us a better angle?"
Emma nodded, trying not to notice how the opening in Regina's blouse widened as she moved closer. She rewound the footage by a couple of seconds and changed the angle, slowing down the video speed before letting it play.
A puff of purple smoke came onto the screen.
Emma froze. "Regina that's—"
"It can't be."
The smoke dissolved into the air and Regina came into full view, wearing the same blue night shirt and pants she had on earlier that morning. Emma stopped the footage and looked at Regina. Her eyes burned through the image of herself on the screen. Only it didn't seem like she was looking at herself, but instead at someone she despised, someone she never wanted to see again. A look of distress washed over her, and Emma noticed the increased definition in the scar above her lip.
"Regina…"
"Play the rest," Regina demanded.
Emma clicked "play."
In her study, Regina stretched out her neck from side to side with a sly smile. She eyed her study and shot her hands in the air. Books came flying off the shelves and papers flew across the room as if gravity no longer existed. The books spun around her as Regina picked out one by one, flipping through the pages and throwing it over her shoulder once it proved to be useless. She was looking for something, but Emma didn't know what. At least they uncovered why the place was such a wreck. As Regina plucked more and more books from the vortex of books floating around her, she looked up. Her lips slowly curved into an evil, all-knowing grin. She chucked the book to the ground and shot her hands down to the side. The books came to a halt and dropped simultaneously to the floor. She turned towards the bookcase which, for some odd reason, still had one book.
"No," Regina said in a panic as she watched herself reach for the book.
As she pulled the spine, the bookcase swung open. Behind it was a hidden wall safe. Regina snapped her fingers, making the dial of the safe spin until it unlocked. When she reached inside, she pulled out a silver book with gold clasps and a little red heart in the middle. Emma stopped the footage.
"Regina, what is that?" she asked, worried about what the answer might be.
"My mother's spell book."
"But what do you…" Emma stopped, unsure how to address the situation. She shook her head. "What's so important about this book? What's in it?"
Regina moved back from the screen and looked ahead in a blank stare. "Some of the darkest spells ever cast."
"And you don't remember going in there at all last night?"
"No, because it wasn't me."
Emma's confusion grew. She looked at Regina with a raised brow.
"The woman in that video…I know her. I…I was her," Regina stated There was an unsteadiness about her tone. She pushed out her words as if they'd been refrained by a combination of both perplexity and fear.
"Was? Are you sure you weren't just sleepwalking?"
Regina looked back down at herself on the screen. Emma watched her eyes narrowed in on the mischievous grin as she held her mother's spell book. She seemed lost in the sight of it. "When you've spent most of your life loathing your own existence, the mere essence of what you've come to be, you become quite inept at keeping it hidden from others. But you can always spot it within yourself. I haven't seen that look in my eye since…since I was the Evil Queen."
Emma watched Regina's eyes dart in every direction, as though she was trying to piece everything together. She thought back to what Gold had told her when she'd gone to his shop. Everything he had said, everything he warned her about, it was all beginning to unfold. Emma knew they would reach this point eventually but she didn't realize just how quickly their time seemed to be running out. If this woman on her screen really was the Evil Queen, then the Regina she knew was already on the path towards darkness, already slipping from Emma's reach. She needed to tell her. Now was as good a time as any. But when Emma opened her mouth, Regina's eyes stopped dead in the center. She knew. Everything Emma was about to tell her, Regina figured out on her own.
Emma's heart beat like thunder in her chest. She got up slowly with her hands held up defensively at her side. "Regi—"
"How long have you known?" Regina interrupted, rightly assuming that Emma already held most of the facts.
"Gold told me today. I was going to tell you, I just needed to figure out how. I had no idea you'd show up in that footage."
"This must be why I haven't been sleeping," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"You mean, every night you wake up as the Evil Queen? Why not during the day?" Emma asked, knowing Regina had more answers than she did. She understood the main idea of what Gold told her, but couldn't quite grasp the minor details surrounding it.
Regina exhaled. Her brows furrowed but her eyes fell soft. "Because it's easier to come through when my defenses are down. When I'm awake, I fight the darkness, but when I'm asleep, I'm vulnerable. Pretty soon it won't even matter. The darker my heart becomes…the less I'll be able to contain her."
"What do you think she's looking for in your mother's spell book?"
"I don't know, but it can't be anything good."
Regina angrily paced the office with her hands on her hips. She picked up a stapler and flung it at the wall. Emma winced at the impact. "All this time, I've been trying to keep her at bay and there she is, staring at me dead in the face. I basically invited her back into existence by trying to forget my true love. How could I be so stupid?"
"You didn't know the spell would take this kind of turn. It's not your fault."
"But I should have known," Regina said helplessly. "All magic has a price, and I was foolish enough to think I'd be the only one paying."
"No one's paying anything. We're gonna fix this," Emma reassured her.
Regina looked at her. "How? We don't even know how to get my memories back. We're about as close to fixing this as we are to me remembering who you are."
"Actually, I do know how to get your memories back," Emma admitted. "Well, I mean, I do but I don't. It's kind of complicated."
"Will you stop babbling and just get to the point?" Regina urged.
"Gold told me that in order to break the curse, someone needed to perform the strongest act of true love."
"Sacrifice."
Emma nodded.
"No," Regina said. "I won't let anyone sacrifice themselves. Not again. Not for me."
"Regina, we don't even know anything for sure. We'll find another way…I have hope."
"You sound like your mother," Regina said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Hope is hard to come by when I know that darkness holds my heart. I tampered with true love, pretty soon I won't be able to feel it at all."
Emma was impressed at how quickly Regina caught on, but she couldn't ignore the way worry had fallen over her like a dense fog. The strain in her voice travelled to the surface of her skin and Emma watched as it deepened every crease, defined every line. She saw the way it had nestled itself neatly within the corners of Regina's eyes, the way it flowed past pursed lips and between tightened brows. Emma's heart wrenched at the sight of it. Seeing Regina this way was unbearable. She took a step towards her and reached for Regina's hand, pulling her closer until her eyes had nowhere else to land but on Emma's own. "I'm not afraid of the Evil Queen, Regina."
"But you really, really should be," she said. "I was incapable of feeling anything."
"I don't believe that."
Regina looked down to the floor. "You didn't know me then."
"But I know you now," Emma said. She held Regina' s hands tightly between both palms. "And I've seen your ability to love Regina, I've…I've felt it. The Evil Queen can't take that away from you. I won't let her."
Regina's eyes glossed over with a fresh coat of tears. She slid her hand out from Emma's and looked up as she let out a groan. "Must you be so incredibly stubborn? I'm serious Emma, you'll get hurt."
"It's a risk I'm willing to take."
"Well, I'm not."
Regina brought her hand up, a gesture which Emma's grown increasingly familiar with. She was going to run. But before she could flick her wrist and disappear in a cloud of smoke, Emma brought her hand up to Regina's, taking it back into her hold. Their fingers instinctively fell between one another as Emma lowered their hands. "You can't run from this, Regina."
"The hell I can't," Regina snapped. She yanked her hand out of Emma's and grabbed her purse and overcoat, swinging them both over the crease of her arm.
Emma watched her storm out of her office. She followed suit, spotting her at the other end of the hall. "I know you're afraid, Regina, so am I, but that won't stop me from trying to save you."
Regina turned around and rushed back towards Emma in quick, fierce steps. "Don't you dare claim to know what I feel because you haven't the slightest clue."
"I do because whether you like it or not, I know you," Emma snapped. The angry stomps of Regina's heels rang in her ears as she made her way further down the hall. "And when you're afraid, you run! The minute things get even slightly real, you turn the other way."
"Because people die, Emma!" Regina cried out as she spun around. The thickness of her voice cracked when Regina said her name, and Emma noticed the light reflect off the stream of tears that flowed down her cheek. "The people I love…they die because of me. I'm not running to protect my own heart, I'm running to protect you."
Emma scoffed. "You think this is protecting me? Do you realize how hard it is for me to see you like this? To not only find out you have no recollection of me whatsoever, but on top of that, to know that I might lose you to the darkness? I'm already hurting, Regina, I don't need protection."
"Oh, and you think I have it easy?" She asked, her words so sharp they sliced through the growing space between them. "You think I enjoy not knowing who you are? You think it's fun to have my heart ache and yearn over someone I've known all of five minutes? To look at you and see a stranger and a home all at once? To see yet another chance at happiness slip through my fingers? God, had I known you'd be this maddening, I'd have taken more than just a memory potion."
Emma's chest fell heavily with the weight of Regina's words. Her jaw ached with the sobs that swelled at the back of her throat. She looked at Regina from across the hall, who's bloodshot eyes and trembling lips sent daggers through Emma's heart. They'd stopped yelling, but the walls echoed every word. Every cry, every ache, every declaration of love filled the void between them. They were both hurting, that much was clear, but what became even clearer in Emma's mind was how much she needed her, how much they both needed each other. With her gaze still lost in Regina's eyes, Emma walked towards her. And with each step, she walked faster. The urgency in her stride increased as she broke through the space between them. And just as Emma reached arm's length, she grabbed Regina by the collar of her silk blouse and pulled her in, their lips clashing hard against one another.
Completely stunned, Regina's hands shot up to her side, but fell just as quickly over the nape of Emma's neck as she leaned into the messy, heated kiss. She dropped her purse and overcoat, letting them both slide off her arm and backed Emma up against the wall. Emma tugged harder at wet lips, latching onto her with a hunger she could no longer suppress. Her hands slid down from Regina's collar and grazed over each button, feeling Regina's body shudder beneath her touch. Emma's heart raced. The ache in her chest drained as they kissed harder, as Regina's ravenous lips tore into Emma's, as both their bodies moved into the other, swaying together like one. They desperately clung onto one another, as if they'd never get the chance to hold each other again. And with the limited time they had, that theory wasn't entirely impossible.
Emma pushed herself off the wall, never breaking from the kiss and stumbled with Regina down the hall towards her office. She held onto the curve of Regina's hips as she kicked the door closed behind them and pushed her against it. The realities outside the room dissolved into nothing as Regina's hands came down Emma's chest. She gripped both sides of her red leather jacket and slipped it off Emma's shoulders in one swift motion. Emma quickly pulled her arms out and threw it to the floor, before grabbing hold of Regina once more. She savoured every part of her, the longing of her touch, the rich smell of spiced vanilla that radiated from her skin, the way her tongue slid greedily across Emma's. Everything about Regina intoxicated her in the most electrifying ways. Yet, it didn't feel so much like the rush of a high, but more like a euphoric haze. The woman was like coming home after having missed it for so long. Emma breathed her in like oxygen so rare, so extraordinary, she could feel the warmth of her blood surge through her veins. She placed her hands beneath Regina's thighs and lifted her up against the door. Regina let out a small moan as she wrapped her legs tightly around Emma's waist. She grabbed a fistful of Emma's hair and pulled her head back, nibbling at her ear as Emma swung them around. Her core burned with a throbbing desire that became harder to hold down. She stumbled over to her desk and set Regina down, leaning over her. Another soft moan escaped Regina as Emma's lips traveled down the side of her neck. She pulled Regina's blouse out from under her leather skirt and unbuttoned it from the bottom up, revealing the black, lace bra she had noticed earlier that day. Emma stopped for a moment, wanting…needing to take in the woman before her. She studied the definition of her collarbone over her bare chest, how her stomach curved inward as Emma traced her finger over toned skin, she studied the intricate weave of her lace bra and the way it delicately cupped her breasts. Emma hastily took her shirt off from over her head, eager to get lost in a realm that was uniquely Regina.
As she leaned over her, Emma noticed thin strands of red and warm-white lights glow around them. The strands intertwined with one another and blanketed the surface of their skin, moving out from under Regina and traveling around Emma's back as if holding them together.
"Regina, what is this?" Emma asked, looking at the glow moving around her hand.
Regina looked at Emma's hand with a raised brow, then down at her own body where red and white also beamed. "I can't believe it."
"What?'
Regina propped herself up on her elbows and reached out to touch the strands of light. They recoiled beneath her finger but continued flowing around them. "I never thought it was possible."
"Now would be a great time to tell me what the hell is going on," Emma said, failing to hide the panic in her tone.
"It's true love."
"Love? How can you see love?"
Regina shook her head. Her eyes widened in amazement. "Not just love, true love. It's the most powerful magic of all. And it's floating all around us."
"Woah." Emma said, still leaning over Regina. She looked around her, at the beauty of it, the way the magic seemed to protect them like a shield. Emma's eyes narrowed back onto Regina. "Does this happen with all your true loves?"
Regina laughed. "No, it's extremely rare. It's said only to appear when two people share a love that is perfectly balanced between light and dark. It's an equilibrium so powerful, it can break the darkest of curses and even put a stop to death. I thought it was a myth up until now."
"I don't understand," Emma said. She pushed herself off the desk. The magic moved with her, still hovering around them. "If it's so powerful, then why didn't it bring your memories back?"
"It's not that simple. This kind of magic…well, simply speaking, it has a mind of its own. It's a living entity. It's not exactly something that can be wielded."
"But we created it, didn't we? Shouldn't we be able to use it?" Emma asked.
"We gave life to it, yes, but it doesn't make it ours. Its power resides within us but it wields itself when it's needed most," Regina said. She continued to study the glowing lights around her.
None of this made any sense in Emma's mind. She looked at Regina with a raised brow. "So it's a powerful source of magic that we have no control over? How does this help us exactly?"
Regina fixed her gaze onto the strands of red and white. She looked up at Emma with a hopeful smile. "Because maybe we can extract it. We might not be able to wield it in this form, but if I can contain some of it, maybe I can use it to brew an elixir of some sorts."
"I don't know Regina…maybe there's a reason magic like this can't be wielded. What if it's too dangerous? We don't even know that it'll work." Emma said, doing nothing to hide the concern in her tone. They had no idea what this magic was capable of and she wasn't at ease with the idea of Regina potentially putting herself in more danger than she was already in.
"We don't. But it's worth a try." Regina hopped off the desk. As she broke through the bounds of the magic, the strands stuck onto their skin and sunk below the surface. The glow radiated for a moment and then vanished. "This is incredible."
"Okay, what just happened?" Emma asked, looking anxiously at her bare arms and stomach that previously glowed with magic.
"Relax," Regina said. "We absorbed it."
Emma studied the surface of her skin, unsure how comfortable she felt knowing that she had just absorbed probably the rarest and most powerful magic known to man. She swallowed hard. "You mean, it's just floating around inside us?"
"So long as we remain perfectly balanced between light and dark, yes," Regina said. Her eyes narrowed in on Emma's, undoubtedly sensing the anxiety building up inside her. "It won't hurt us. If anything, it's meant to protect us. Think of it as hope, a sign that fate is looking out for us."
Emma smiled. She found more comfort in the idea as she continued to think about it. Help that would present itself when they needed it most, the most powerful magic of all, living inside of them, ready to pounce when the time was right. Isn't that something everyone wished for? To have the reassurance that some higher force was on your side, rooting for you to succeed? And they had created that together, from the rarest form of true love. She didn't want to run from that. Emma had spent the better part of their relationship turning away from the truth, convincing herself that what she felt for Regina was a normal friendly-type concern, but she was ready now. She was ready to let herself fall for the woman before her, the woman she had subconsciously kept at arm's length in the past, the woman who looked at her with a glowing smile, emitting just as much warmth and affection that Emma felt oozing out from her own body. She was ready to feel what magic had been telling her since they first met; that Regina was her true love.
"We should probably get going," Regina said with a smile. She quickly buttoned up her blouse and tucked it back into her skirt. "We need to figure out what the Evil Queen is looking for before she takes my heart."
"Wait, now?"
Regina picked up Emma's shirt and lobbed it to her. "Yes."
"But we were just…" Emma tilted her head, motioning to the desk Regina laid on just moments ago.
"Emma, you do realize that if we fix this, we can have a lifetime of…" Regina motioned to the same desk, mocking Emma's gesture. "Besides, we need to buy some time. If my darker half consumes even a little bit more of my heart, our balance will shift and we won't be able to extract any magic at all."
She smirked at Regina's comment, and though a small ounce of disappointment hit her core, she understood the urgency of the situation. They didn't yet know exactly how to extract the magic they created, or if it could be extracted at all, and Regina's eclipsing heart would soon bring their window of hope to a premature close. Emma nodded and slipped on her shirt before picking up her red leather jacket off the floor. She watched Regina ruffle her hair as she walked towards the door and Emma's mind thought back to the little battle of confessions they had in the hall. "So, I'm 'people' you love huh?"
"Drop it," Regina warned. And though she tried to suppress it, Emma caught the microscopic smile that flashed over her lips. Before she stepped out of the office, Regina looked back at her with a teasing grin, holding the door frame with the palm of her hand. "Oh, and I wouldn't act so smug if I were you. It takes two for that kind of magic to appear." She winked at Emma and walked confidently down the hall, throwing her purse and coat over her shoulder after gathering them from the floor.
And while neither of them really said the words, Emma knew this playful exchange was their way of admitting it to each other. They always did have a unique way of expressing themselves to one another, and whether it was through screaming at each other in the hall or through playful banter, they never failed to know exactly how or what the other felt. That's what made them special in Emma's eyes, their ability to read each other with ease, the way they understood and connected with each other on levels no one else could reach. Emma couldn't contain the smile that tugged at her lips as she followed Regina out of the station. There was hope in the air, a possibility for different endings and new beginnings. For a moment, reversing the memory potion felt possible. For a moment…Emma didn't feel like she was about to lose someone she couldn't imagine herself living without. And she'd hold onto that for now, for as long as it would let her.
