Kestra waited. She hadn't planned on it, but Lee's visit had given her hope she didn't know she'd had. She had planned to do it shortly after he left. However, the thought that he might come back kept her from going through with it. She had sat, alone in her room, thinking about her parents. Thinking about how they were coping with the loss of their second child. She thought about Thad. He would have been disappointed in her for leaving them. It had been her job to keep them happy after he left. She was supposed to look after them, for Thad. She was trapped on this ship thinking about her failures and hoping that Lee would save her from her own thoughts. She realized now that she didn't deserve to be saved. Her presence in the fleet was a hindrance to Lee. He had been promoted and he had Officer Dualla who quite obviously loved him. Kestra knew that she was useless unless she could get back to Nepenthe. Nobody here needed her. This led her to her current position in the hangar of Colonial One. Playa Palacios stood in a group of other reporters as well as a few of the president's guards. Kestra stood out in the open as the reporters walked by. When she was sure Playa had seen her she ducked around a corner into a secluded hallway. Sure enough, the curious reporter stuck her head around the corner.
"Kestra, right?" she asked, in what Kestra was sure she had meant to be a casual tone.
"Yes," Kestra said calmly.
"Listen, I did some snooping, and nobody seems to know quite who you are," Playa said, her eyes alight with curiosity, "the people who know anything say you just showed up one day with the president. I have to ask… Who are you?" Kestra looked her in the eye.
"You've never seen me before, because I'm not from the colonies," Kestra said evenly. Playa's eyes went wide. She took several steps back so that she was back in the main hallway.
"Are… are you a cylon?" she asked, the terror clear in her voice as she continued to inch away.
"No," Kestra said.
"Then where are you from?" she asked.
"You wouldn't know the planet," Kestra informed her.
"Are you human?" Playa asked.
"No," Kestra replied.
"Why are you telling me this?"
"I think you should have the facts," Kestra said dully. Playa furrowed her brow.
"Are you dangerous?"
"Probably not."
"How do I know you're telling the truth?"
"You don't." Kestra had not moved as Playa backed away from her, and now they had to speak loudly to be heard across the hall from each other. Playa looked warily at Kestra. She clearly had more questions, but her fear was keeping her at a distance from this strange woman.
"Does the president know what you are?"
"She knows what I told her," Kestra said. She knew that sounded deliberately deceptive, but Playa seemed to buy it. She cast a confused glance at Kestra and fled the hallway. Kestra made no move to stop her, and she turned to walk back to her quarters.
By the next day, the Colonial Gang were discussing the alien visitor on Colonial One and whether she was a cylon spy or insane. Laura called Bill as soon as she heard the broadcast.
"Hello," he answered.
"Bill, we have a problem," she said, getting right to the point.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Somebody found out about Kestra," she said quickly.
"How?"
"I don't know, but Palacios is doing a broadcast about her already. They're currently speculating whether or not she's a cylon," Laura said. Bill let out an irritated huff.
"Damn."
"I don't know how I'm going to keep her safe short of locking her up, which she'll never agree to," Laura said.
"Well nowhere is safe for her now. The whole fleet will know about her," Bill reasoned.
"They don't know what she looks like," Laura tried to argue.
"We don't know who's seen her. Somebody figured out she's not human. Whoever it is could know what she looks like, and we can't control talk in this fleet," he said.
"You're right," she said, "but I don't know what to do with her." Bill sighed.
"Keep her with you for now. She's still safest where you can keep an eye on her, and I'll try to come up with a way to hide her in the fleet or something."
"Thank you, Bill," Laura said.
"You're welcome, Laura. I'll get back to you," he said. With that he hung up, and Laura looked across her desk at Tory.
"Where is she?"
"Still in her quarters as far as I know," Tory said. Laura nodded.
"We'll get back to these later," she said, gesturing to the debate topics laid out in front of her. Tory nodded as Laura left the room. Laura found Kestra, not in her room but, in the hangar bay. She was drawing a raptor.
"Kestra," Laura said gently, "I need to speak with you." Kestra put down her paper and looked at the president. Laura sat beside her. "Somebody found out about you. You're no longer safe in the fleet, so the Admiral and I are trying to find a new ship to put you on where you won't be recognized." Kestra shook her head.
"They'll find me there too. It doesn't matter where in the fleet you put me, because I don't belong here," Kestra reasoned. Laura was taken aback.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, so don't try to lock me up or find somewhere safe to put me. It was bound to happen."
"You knew," Laura said, her eyes widening with the realization. Kestra hadn't been shocked at all to find out that her identity had been leaked to the fleet. "Did you do this?" Kestra didn't respond, but her silence was as good as any admission of guilt. "Why would you deliberately put yourself in danger like that?" Laura asked incredulously.
"Because your fleet will kill me a lot faster than you will," she said.
"What?" Laura asked in shock.
"You and Lee would shut me up in this ship to have me go slowly mad. If I'm going to die, at least the dissent of your people will convince you to just throw me out an airlock and be done with it," Kestra said blandly. Laura was appalled at Kestra's sudden disregard for her own life.
"You want to die?"
"I want to be free. You haven't given me many options when it comes to that, Madam President."
"What about Lee?" Laura said, deflecting the accusation, "I thought you two had… something."
"Yes… guilt," Kestra replied cynically, "it's become increasingly clear to me that Lee only needs me when he wants to remind himself of his moral righteousness."
"I'm sure that's not true."
"Please, don't patronize me. I've had enough hostility from you, I don't need your pity as well," Kestra snapped.
"I apologize if I offended you. I'm just trying to understand," Laura said cautiously, "what about your family?"
"I'll never see them again," Kestra answered quickly.
"You don't know that. You got here somehow, so it stands to reason that you could find a way home," Laura said. Kestra met her eyes.
"They'll already think I'm dead. My parents could be gone by the time I find a way back to them. I've already caused them enough pain, why torture myself too," she said.
"What does that mean?" Laura asked, now genuinely curious.
"My parents already lost one child, and it almost tore them apart. They watched their son die and were helpless to do anything about it. I was all they had left, and I vanished without warning. Without saying goodbye." Kestra's eyes filled with tears as she spoke. So did Laura's.
"That is not your fault," Laura said gently, "you couldn't have prevented what happened."
"It was my job to take care of them. For Thad," Kestra said, "I failed. There's no point anymore. I have no purpose. Tell me Laura, what should I live for?" Laura was stunned into silence. She had no answer. She was still struggling to figure out an answer for herself. She decided to be honest.
"What does anyone live for? I've spent the last year of my life waiting to die. All I had to do was lead the colonies to Earth, and then I was going to die. Now suddenly, I'm alive, and no closer to earth than when we started. I don't know what to do with my life now, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to give up. We live because life is a gift. You could have died, but instead you ended up here. Something brought you here."
"So I'm expected to start my life over on the whim of some force beyond my comprehension. I should forget my life and my family and start over here, because of what? Fate?" Kestra asked angrily. "I've been beaten, and toyed with, and ignored, and lied to. Why should I make an effort to live in a world I clearly don't belong in?" Laura suddenly became very earnest.
"Kestra, if there's anything this journey has taught me it's that life is a precious thing," she said, "the majority of my race has been wiped out, my home has been destroyed, and for some reason I'm still alive. I don't know if I deserve to live, but while I have my life, I'm going to live it. If you can't live for yourself, live for your parents. All those people you miss. Don't give up on them. I know a thing or two about parents, and even if your parents can't be a part of your life they'd still want you to live it. They'd want you to be happy." Kestra looked across the hangar bay.
"I don't think I can be happy here," she said.
"You could try."
"How?" She looked at Laura who smiled, almost shyly.
"Well, you could start by giving me a second chance," she said.
"At what?"
"Being a friend," Laura said sincerely. Kestra narrowed her eyes at the president as if she thought she was playing a trick on her.
"President Roslin, I don't need your pity," Kestra said.
"And you don't have it. As you pointed out the other day, I need a friend just as badly as you do, so," Laura said and offered her hand to Kestra. Kestra stared at it for a while then cautiously reached her hand out to take it. Laura squeezed her hand. "You can start by calling me Laura instead of President Roslin," Laura said with a smile. Kestra smiled slightly.
"Alright, Laura," she said softly. Laura smiled in spite of herself. There weren't many people who called her Laura any more, and even less who had waited until she gave them permission. Every time Baltar said her first name it made her skin crawl. Laura stood directly in front of Kestra and grasped her hands.
"Will you come with me Kestra?" she asked as if she were speaking to a child. Kestra stared off into the distance beyond Laura's shoulder. Kestra nodded and let Laura lead her from the hangar. As they walked through the corridors, Laura stayed silent allowing Kestra time to think about what they had discussed. When they reached the president's office, Kestra stopped.
"You don't have to protect me," she said suddenly, "it's my fault they know." Laura smiled.
"Yes, but people would have found out about you eventually," Laura said, "I'm thinking we can hold a press conference and explain to the press what you explained to us. That way we are in control of the facts, rather than letting people listen to the media's speculation."
"You can't do that. You're trying to get reelected. You can't afford to stand in support of an alien that could pose a threat to the fleet," Kestra argued.
"You're not a threat."
"They don't know that. Even you had to take a leap of faith where I was concerned. You were the one who didn't want to let me out of prison. At best, the people of the fleet will be like you and eventually believe me. But you have to assume that some people will never accept my presence in the fleet," Kestra said. Laura opened the office door.
"Let's talk about it then," she said as she led her inside. Tory was at a desk, probably working out debate topics. "What do you suggest?"
"Send me away. Hide me out somewhere. Even send me back to the brig on Galactica," Kestra said.
"You were willing to die because you were lonely, and you expect me to send you back to the brig?" Laura asked incredulously.
"To save your political career. Yes," Kestra said.
"My political career is not worth that much," Laura said with sarcasm.
"The way you talk about this Baltar guy, I think it is," Kestra said. Laura was caught. Kestra was right. At this point, Tory, who had been listening in, found that she couldn't remain silent.
"Sorry to interrupt Madam President, but what is jeopardizing your political career?" Tory asked.
"Since the press has been speculating about Kestra, we need to find a way to protect her," Laura said, "she is afraid that if I stand in support of her that I will be jeopardizing my shot at the presidency."
"She's not wrong," Tory said bluntly.
"Maybe not, but I will not stand by and allow her to be subject to the cruelty that I know the people of this fleet are capable of," Laura said, "so I expect one of you to come up with a better solution or I will move forward with my decision to hold a press conference disclosing the details of Kestra's presence in the fleet." Tory looked shocked as did Kestra.
"President Roslin, I urge you to reconsider that course of action," Tory said.
"What about Pegasus?" Kestra said. Laura shook her head.
"No, it would be the same as Galactica," Laura said.
"The crew of the Pegasus doesn't know me. Dress me up like an officer and send me to the Pegasus. Lee will be there, so I'll have one person I can trust," she said. Laura continued to shake her head.
"It's the same problem as sending you out into the fleet. We don't know who's seen you. The Pegasus men who helped assault you will remember, and they won't forget what happened to Thorne," Roslin said.
"That wasn't my fault. That happened while they were interrogating the cylon," Kestra argued.
"They won't see it that way. You were both prisoners," Roslin said.
"Okay, fine," Kestra said, "don't send me away then, but don't tell the fleet. You can hide me on Colonial One. If I stay in my quarters and don't have any visitors, no one will ever know I'm here."
"That'd be the same as locking you up," Roslin said.
"You'd only have to do it until the election is over, then we can figure out what to do," Kestra said. Roslin looked to Tory.
"I don't like it, but it's better than trying to explain her existence to the fleet," Tory said.
"The only person who knows I'm not human is Playa Palacios," Kestra said, "she can't connect you to me, so all you have to do is deny knowing about me." Tory nodded.
"We can work with that. If you intend to keep her on Colonial One, this is the best course of action," Tory said.
"I do intend to keep her aboard," Laura said firmly.
"Alright," Tory said, "I'll move her quarters to one of the unused storage rooms. We have to limit her contact with anyone else immediately." Laura nodded and Tory left. Kestra looked at Laura.
"I'm sorry I caused you such trouble," Kestra said. Laura nodded.
"We'll figure it out, but thank you," she said, "though I think it may end up making more problems for you than it does for me. Kestra nodded as she turned to leave.
"I should go help Tory with my… things," Kestra said, shrugging as she said things. In truth, all Kestra had was her drawings and her bed. Laura had given her some books as well, but she didn't really have any possessions to speak of. "Oh," she said as she turned back at the door, "someone should tell Lee that he… that he can't come to see me." Laura's eyes filled with sympathy as she watched Kestra take a deep breath.
"I can put a call through to the Pegasus for you," Laura said kindly, "you'll have complete privacy."
"No, um… I was hoping… could you tell him?" Kestra asked, "I don't want to talk to him. Not like that." Laura frowned.
"I think you should," she said, "for both your sakes. He still might not even know the danger you're in. He should hear it from you." Kestra took another deep breath and nodded.
"Ok," she said weakly. Laura smiled softly and picked up the phone.
"Commander Adama," she greeted after a moment, "yes Commander, I heard it too. She wanted to speak to you." Kestra steeled herself as Roslin passed her the phone.
"Hello Lee," Kestra said softly. Laura slipped by her and headed for the door, but Kestra reached out her hand and grabbed her wrist. 'Stay', she mouthed as she listened to Lee ramble on about hearing the broadcast and her need for more protection. Laura nodded as she came back and sat on the edge of her desk. "Lee, calm down. I'm okay, and we have a plan."
"What plan?" Lee asked hurriedly.
"I'm going to hide on Colonial One. I'll be cut off from all other people, that way no one can see me and the allegations that I exist can be easily denied," Kestra said.
"No, you shouldn't be locked up again. That's not fair to you," Lee said, "you should have the protection of the military and the president like we agreed."
"Lee, the president can't afford to support an alien presence in the fleet with the election coming up," Kestra said.
"Frak the president. Your life is at stake," Lee argued.
"Do you want Gaius Baltar to win the election?" Kestra asked angrily. Laura smiled. Kestra knew exactly what to say to convince Lee she was right. Sure enough, Kestra's face relaxed when Lee responded.
"No, but you shouldn't have to suffer because some idiot leaked your whereabouts. Roslin needs to come up with a better plan than just locking you up."
"I was the idiot, Lee," Kestra yelled, "I told the press that I was an alien, and it's my fault that the president is in this situation. It was my idea to hide on Colonial One. I'm just trying to make the best out of an impossible situation."
"Why?" was Lee's only reply. Kestra sighed.
"It doesn't matter," she said evasively, "after the election we can revisit this issue and try to find a better solution to explaining my presence to the fleet." Lee was silent for a while.
"Okay," he said finally, "but when will I see you?"
"That's why I called, Lee," Kestra said, "you can't come see me. You can't be making unexplained trips to Colonial One, and any activity here will be scrutinized until the rumors go away."
"Kestra," Lee argued, "I'm not just going to leave you alone there. There has to be some way. I can find a reason to come."
"Lee, there is no reason for the Commander of the Pegasus to meet with the president. Besides, it's not really going to be all that different from what it's already like for me here," she said, her voice falling back into the empty tone it had the other day.
"Kestra," Lee said helplessly, "why did you tell them?" Kestra paused and sighed to hold back her tears.
"Goodbye Lee," she said as evenly as she could. She quickly slammed the phone down and braced her arms on the desk in front of her. Laura got up and put her arm over Kestra's back. Kestra stiffened as she tried to stop herself from crying. Laura pulled her up, and Kestra lost the battle against her tears as the president pulled her into an embrace. Laura rubbed soothing circles across her back as Kestra cried into her shoulder. Across the fleet, Lee Adama hung his head as he braced his arms on his desk.
