Selah had been unconscious many times before in her life, but somehow this one felt different.
Awareness hit her all at once. Her body was tired and drained- her powers were gone, and she ached all over. Despite this, she still felt alert, and her mind seemed clearer and lighter than it had been for months. Her body felt tingly and charged with a sudden rush as sensation returned to it, and a soft ringing sound echoed in her ears before fading away again.
She opened her eyes to see the ceiling of Alex's lab in the DEO above her. She gingerly turned her stiff neck to the side and saw that Kara was sitting next to her; and she could see Lena and Alex behind, standing at the island. Nia, Brainy and Kal-El were sitting with them, and there was an empty pizza box on the table. No one seemed to notice her weak movements at first, and she struggled to stay awake as she relaxed her head back against the pillow.
"Selah?" Kara asked suddenly, detecting her groggy stirring. Selah could hear the anxiety in her voice, and the chatter in the room fell silent as everyone hurriedly turned to look, trying to see what was going on. She looked up at Kara, seeing the crinkle between her eyebrows and the lines of worry that were drawn across her forehead.
"I'm okay," she said hoarsely, and the hero's frown subsided a bit. Alex rushed over to the bed and picked up one of her hands, pressing two fingers into her wrist to take her pulse.
"How are you feeling?" she asked. Selah took a deep breath.
"Sore," she said.
"I guess that's to be expected. No powers?" She shook her head. "Do you remember anything?" The girl frowned, thinking back to the fight.
She remembered the winds, and the noise, and the sharp, electric atmosphere in the mindscape as it shifted around her. She remembered Beta kneeling down in front of her, reaching out a hand as she faded away into ash. But everything after that was foggy and indistinct.
"She's gone," she said, and the rest of the worry cleared off of Kara's face. Everyone in the room seemed to exhale in unison, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Brainy pump a fist into the air. "I know that I beat her. But I don't remember what happened after that."
"You've been out for a little bit," the agent said. Selah sat herself up on the cot, and she faced the room, still feeling exhausted.
"What happened?" she asked.
"The connection fell apart," Nia said. "Beta managed to push me out, so I woke up here, and you got stuck in there. That was right before the fight happened, I think. Then all of a sudden your vitals tanked, and I couldn't reach you. I tried going back in, but it didn't work, and Brainy couldn't find you either. We didn't know what was going on, but it was pretty scary." Selah frowned, trying to piece it all together in her mind.
"I remember that," she said. "I couldn't sense you anymore, and I couldn't breathe. She was choking me."
"Well, you stopped breathing over here, too," Alex said. "I came very close to intubating you, but right before I did, you seemed to recover."
"Then the whole room started shaking," Kara added. "All the cupboard doors were rattling, and a few windows broke. It looked like you were having a seizure, you were shaking so bad. But then it all stopped."
"I called for you," the girl said, remembering.
"I heard it." She tapped her temple with a finger. "It was really loud, by the way."
"Sorry. What happened after that?"
"Your heart stopped," Kara said, her face growing serious as her frown returned.
"Alex had a defibrillator all ready," Nia continued. "But Kara just started yelling at me, saying that we needed to get the connection back. So I reached out, and it worked that time. I put her in, and she pulled you out."
"How?"
"We'd all like to know the same thing," Alex said.
"It was just... grey," Kara replied. She seemed frustrated, as if she had told this story several times before. "I couldn't see or hear anything, but I could feel Selah, and I grabbed her. Then I woke up again, and I was in here." She turned back to Selah. "You were still unconscious. That was a few hours ago."
"You're sure that she's gone for good?" the agent pressed.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm sure."
Alex smiled, and Selah saw her mouth move as she replied, nodding her head, but the woman's words were muffled. The noise in the room swelled up around her, drowning out what everyone else was saying, and Selah winced at the unbearable weight of all the sounds that were battering against her. She hadn't had her psychic powers from the time that she had woken up, but now they seemed to have returned with full force- and they were much stronger than usual.
She noticed numbly that she couldn't think. Her hands were shaking, and the walls around her seemed to be too. She wasn't sure if it was her anxiety making it seem as if the entire building was beginning to sway, or if she was actually making it move, but the bed lurched beneath her, and she distantly saw Alex stagger backwards. Her whole body felt hot and cold at the same time, and she couldn't breathe. The air around her was getting caught in her throat, never quite making it to her lungs, and instead it lingered in her ribcage with a building pressure that ached and burned. Her chest heaved as she gasped for breath, desperate for air that she couldn't quite reach. But she wasn't even able to focus on her breath, or the unsteadiness of the floor, or her heartbeat as it pounded against her skull, because every fiber of her being was preoccupied with the noise.
In her whole life, she had never heard a sound that was so loud before. Every single thought near her was amplified, and it wasn't limited to the people close to her, like usual. It seemed like she was hearing all of National City, all of the world maybe. Every footstep on the street outside, every thought from the desk agent three floors below her, every cry from a baby in its crib two blocks away, every bird singing in the air above them, every drip from the sink down the hall, it built around her in a deafening explosion that felt like it was shattering her skull and tearing her brain into pieces.
She shut her eyes, willing it to stop, but it didn't. Instead, it seemed to grow louder still, and she clasped her hands over her ears.
"What's happening?" Kal-El's voice asked, booming from across the room. His thoughts were screaming with questions and worry, and they pelted themselves at her like shards of glass.
"Where are the cuffs?" Alex demanded, and she heard scuffling and searching nearby. Distantly, she felt a hand grab her arm, and Lena's thoughts echoed around her as she snapped the hard plastic back onto her wrist.
"Tell me when it's quiet," she said, picking up her tablet. She began to push all of the control dials for the cuff upwards. Selah watched as they went up and up and up, until they had reached the maximum. The strength waned from her body, and she felt her powers fade away. But still, the noise persisted. The sharpness of it had dulled by the smallest fraction, but it was still unbearably loud, and she met Lena's eyes desperately, wringing her hands.
"More," she managed to croak out. A second pair of cuffs were added on, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to will the rest of the world into silence.
"Is that better?" Lena asked. She nodded. Her mind was still so full of sound that she didn't have space for any words in it. The noise wasn't gone entirely, and it was still overwhelming, but it had faded from the debilitating levels that it had been at before the cuffs were on. She heard all of the worry and stress in the thoughts of everyone around her, but she couldn't say anything to make them feel better. She couldn't relieve any of the tension in her own head, so instead, she curled back up on the cot and shut her eyes.
.
"This is happening because she's an empath?" Alex asked, trying to make sense of the situation. She had forced everyone- save Kara- out of the lab, to try to minimize the noise around Selah. Her sister had refused to leave, and she had given in, deciding that the girl might appreciate the company. Now, she and Lena were standing in the hallway outside of the med bay, opposite from Selah's aunt as she tried her best to explain what was going on.
"That would be my guess, yes," she replied. "Empaths wield a higher level of power, and with that comes more sensitivity to psychic noise. That strength usually grows slowly, but for Selah it seems to have happened all at once."
"She said that Beta had been taking some of her power," Lena supplied. "Now that she has full control again, perhaps the range of her abilities has grown, and it's become too much to handle."
"That is a strong possibility. If her powers were being dampened by Beta, her mind would have not had the same opportunity to regulate itself and become acclimatized to its growing strength. I would imagine that a sudden recovery of all of that power would be quite a shock to her system."
"So is there anything that we can do to fix this?" Selah's aunt hesitated.
"I am no expert on empaths and their powers," she replied. "Everything that I know has come from being around my sister for her whole life. I doubt that even she could offer any solutions to this problem. Any progress that can be made will have to be determined by Selah herself."
"There has to be something that we can be doing."
"The cuffs certainly seem to be helping. My advice would be to continue on with those, and hopefully she will learn to tolerate her new level of strength."
"Will she be able to get used to the noise?"
"I cannot say for sure. With time, it is possible that her dependence levels to the cuffs will change, but she is the only one who will be able to determine her ability to manage. My niece has proven herself to be very resilient, but I fear that this might be too much for even her to handle."
"When you say that it will change, what does that mean?" Lena asked. "Will she become dependent on them, and never be able to live without them on?"
"I am not certain. I'm sorry, I wish that I could be more helpful, but I have never seen anything like this before. Perhaps with the burden that comes with empath powers, it would be for the best if she stays on the cuffs indefinitely. That could give her some sense of normalcy. But it will have to be her decision, of course."
"Thank you for your help," Alex said. "We appreciate everything that you have told us."
"Can I see her, please?"
"Of course. " The three of them left the hallway and entered the medical bay. Lena knocked gently on Selah's door before swinging it open. The girl was sitting cross-legged on the bed, with her back against the wall. She didn't look over as they entered, but Kara, who was sitting next to the cot, waved to them. Flipping to an empty page in her notebook, Alex uncapped a pen and scrawled 'How are you feeling?' on it. She turned it around to face the girl, who read the message.
"You can talk normally," she said in a hoarse voice. "What is this, a Taylor Swift music video?"
"You're making jokes," Lena said softly. "Does that mean that you're feeling a little bit better?"
"I don't feel fantastic. But it's not quite as painful anymore, I guess."
"That's progress," Kara said.
"Hi, Aunt Lea," Selah said, acknowledging the woman for the first time.
"Hello. I am happy to see that you are doing better."
"Thanks."
"We'll give you two some space," Kara said, sensing the atmosphere between the two of them. "Selah, if you need me, let me know, okay?" The girl nodded, and Kara stood, ushering Alex and Lena out of the room with her and leaving Selah alone with her aunt. The room was silent, and Lea began wringing her hands, clearly troubled.
"I'm sorry," she began. "I know that all of this happened at the hands of the people who your mother sent you to. I should have done more to keep-"
"Can you please stop," Selah interrupted, rubbing a hand over her eyes. Her aunt was clearly taken aback.
"I-"
"Stop," the girl repeated. "I think that I'm getting a little tired of hearing your apologies. And with everything that's been going on in my life, I don't have the time or the space to be dealing with them anymore. I can't keep making your guilt a priority in my life." Lea opened her mouth to say something, but she seemed to catch herself, and she left it hanging slightly open as she stared at her niece. "I know that you want me to forgive you. And I thought that I had, but all you've ever done is ask me to forgive what my mother did to me. You never once have said that you're sorry for what you did."
"For what I did?" she echoed, incredulous.
"Why did you keep me around her? You let her raise me until I was ten years old. You let her live in the same house as me. You stood by as she took me from you; you never stepped in to defend me. And every time that she hurt me, you'd apologize, and you'd try to make her apologize too, but you never actually did anything about it. Nothing changed. You didn't do anything to stop it from happening again." She waited, expecting Lea to try to defend herself but no response came, so instead she continued on. "Do you remember when I was in the seventh grade? I asked you what it had been like with my mother before I was born, when it was just you and her. I asked you if she had ever treated you the way that she treated me, and if you had been okay. Do you remember what you said to me?" Her aunt frowned.
"I said that Lyla and I had a different type of relationship than the one that she had with you."
"And then you told me that I didn't have to worry about you, because she knew that if she ever hurt you that you would leave." Lea nodded.
"It's the truth," she said.
"So why wasn't it enough for you when she hurt me?" Selah demanded. "You drew this proverbial line in the sand of what was acceptable and what wasn't, and we were on separate sides of it."
"She was your mother, it wasn't my place to take you from her."
"That's a lame excuse and you know it. You parented me more than she ever did; you know as well as I do that she would have let you take me if you had asked."
"Your mother and I were the only ones of our kind on this earth, we needed to stick together to build a stable home for each other."
"And I'm the one who reaped all of the consequences that came with you having stability. I'm the one who had to lie to every single teacher I ever had when they asked me if everything was okay at home. I came home from school every day, terrified of what she was going to do to me. I never had friends over. I knew better than to bring anyone around my mother because I knew what she was capable of. I protected the random third graders that I went to school with better than you ever protected me."
"I did the best that I could," Lea tried weakly. Her eyes had begun to well up with tears, and one spilled over, running down her cheek.
"You didn't do enough."
"I know."
"At least my mother was upfront about the fact that she was treating me poorly. She didn't make excuses for her behavior, and she didn't try to make me forgive her. I hated her, but she let me hate her. You never allowed me to be angry with you."
"You can be angry now, if you want to be."
"I am." Selah took a deep breath, shutting her eyes before she continued, in a slightly calmer tone. "I'm not saying all of this to be cruel, or because I don't want you in my life anymore. I'm just tired of walking on eggshells every time that you feel bad about the abuse that I went through. I'm sick of apologies when they don't come with any kind of change."
"I should have done better for you. I will try to now." The girl nodded curtly, and Lea wiped at her tears. She looked at her niece, trying to decide whether or not she should say more. Finally, she turned and left the room. Selah stood, beginning to pace along the perimeter of the lab as she heard the door click shut behind her aunt. A few moments later, it creaked open again.
"Were you eavesdropping?" she asked lowly, without looking up. Kara smiled guiltily, sinking down on the bed next to her.
"Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to be, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, and also you were talking pretty loudly."
"It's fine, I think I've mostly gotten used to your snooping by now."
"That seemed like it was a bit of a heavy conversation."
"I just..." Selah trailed off, tightening her jaw. "I think that maybe I'm sick of hiding my feelings about everything just because I know that they'll make other people uncomfortable."
"That's fair. Did it make you feel any better to say it all out loud?"
"Not really."
"Can I do anything to help?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure if I can put what I'm feeling into words."
"You can try." Selah heaved a sigh, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor with her legs sprawled out in front of her. She frowned as she began to speak haltingly.
"I thought that things were supposed to get easier now," she said. "I knew that this fight was coming, and I knew that eventually I was going to face off with Beta, and in my head it was always something that was going to be important and cathartic. I thought that after all of it was over, I'd feel some sense of relief. I always imagined that it would feel like this huge weight was taken off of my shoulders, but I don't feel that. I thought that it was going to make me feel better, but I feel worse. I get to have my life back now, and that's huge, considering everything that I went through to get here, but all that I can think about is how mad I am that it happened to me in the first place. And that makes me feel guilty. I should be grateful, I should be happy, but I'm not."
Kara looked at the conflict and torment that was painted across the girl's face, the deep furrows in her forehead, and the red flush in her cheeks, and she sank down to sit next to her.
"You have nothing to feel guilty about," she said, but Selah's shoulders remained slumped, and she didn't look back at her.
"Logically I know that, but I..." she trailed off.
"You don't feel it," Kara finished, after a brief pause. "What do you feel?"
"I feel angry," she replied, her mouth twisting upwards as she scowled. "I'm angry that it happened, I'm angry that I'm still dealing with all of this crap, and that it won't just go away. I still don't get to have full control of my own mind, I still have to wear these stupid cuffs, I still think about Beta every single day, and I don't think that any of that is ever going to go away. And I think that the worst part is that I don't get any closure. I don't get an explanation for it, I don't get any answers. I don't understand why it had to be me, and why I had to do it all. All I know is that it happened, and I don't know why." The hero rested her head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling as she felt the weight of Selah's words ring true in her own mind.
"I know those feelings," she said. "When I was younger, I had a lot of the same thoughts and questions. I didn't understand why I survived. I felt guilty every time I had a bad day, or when I got angry, because I was the one who made it out of Krypton. I was supposed to be the lucky one. But I never felt very lucky. And whenever I asked people for an explanation, I was always told how all of it happened for a reason. People said that all of those bad things happened to me because I was tough enough to take it all on, or they'd tell me some trite nonsense about how the universe never gives you more than you can handle, and going through hard things makes you stronger. Every time I heard that, all it did was remind me of the fact that I didn't feel strong. Selah, you've been through some serious trauma. No one feels strong after that."
"It doesn't seem fair. And I just want it to-"
"Make sense," she finished, cutting off the girl's sentence. "I know. I know that you're always looking for ways to make things make sense, and to be able to understand it all. Your situation is absolutely not fair, and it shouldn't have happened. Life doesn't make sense, and it doesn't always go the way that we think it should, or how we want it to. Sometimes things just happen, and there isn't an explanation, and it's hard. You're allowed to feel angry about how much that hurts. But there's something comforting in that somehow, in it not making sense, and that your survival isn't tied to some mystical, grandiose plan." Selah snorted.
"Can you point me in the direction of that comfort?" she asked dryly. "I would certainly appreciate having some right now."
"Well, it was a relief for me when I realized that me surviving didn't have to make sense. It had nothing to do with morality or the strength of my character; I didn't do anything to earn it, I just happened to be one of the few who made it out. I don't have to live up to some impossible moral standards to try to make myself worthy of my survival. The rest of Krypton didn't do anything to make them deserve death, and I didn't do anything to make me deserve to survive. It's the same with you. Just like how you didn't deserve all of the bad things that happened to you, you don't have to run yourself ragged trying to make yourself deserving of the good. You can just let yourself be." Selah was quiet for awhile, letting the words wash over her.
"I am grateful that I'm still here," she said eventually. "But maybe in an abstract sense."
"I'm grateful too. You've been given a gift, and it is yours to use in whatever way you want to."
"I'm not sure that it feels like one," she said slowly.
"I know. It doesn't always for me, either. And hey," Kara said, putting her hand over Selah's and waiting for the girl to look up at her. "It will get easier."
"I seem to remember you telling me when we were at Linda's that things wouldn't ever feel normal for me."
"Well yeah, that's true. Normal is not going to happen, that's too much to ask." Selah chuckled. "But easier? That's different. That's manageable."
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Right now it's hard, and it's heavy," she said. "And you are allowed to feel that weight. In fact, you need to, because if you don't let yourself feel it, it's never going to go away. And you have every right to feel angry about how much it hurts, because it's going to hurt, and it's going to be hard. I wish that there was an easy answer that I could give to you, but the only thing that will truly allow you to heal is time. And I promise you that with time, this is going to get lighter and even if it never goes away, it will become easier to carry. And you're going to be okay."
Kara felt Selah's shoulder brush against her own as she took a deep breath. The girl was still frowning, and her skin was warm to the touch, but she nodded slowly.
"Okay," she replied.
"Besides, you've still got me. I am always going to be here to help you through. You know that, right?" She nodded again, and leaned her head against Kara's shoulder.
.
"Hi," Alex said lightly as she cracked the door open, Lena in tow. She had given Kara and Selah an hour or so in the lab without interrupting them, and in the meantime she had taken on the responsibility of answering all of the worried questions and phone calls the rest of the Superfriends had been sending her way about why Selah's aunt had left the building in tears. But now, she had decided with the CEO that they needed to start working out some next steps.
"Hey," Selah replied. She was sitting at the island with Kara, with an empty takeout box in between them.
"How are you feeling? Any better?"
"I guess. Being around other people doesn't make me feel like I'm suffocating anymore, so that's something, I guess."
"That's good. Do the cuffs seem to be working well?"
"Yeah, they do. I heard what my aunt said to you earlier," she said. "About how I might get too used to them being on, and I wouldn't be able to ever take them off."
"That's not something that we have to figure out right now. We can take our time, there's no rush."
"I'm not going to let that happen to me." Since they had entered the room, Selah's eyes had been firmly fixed on the floor, but now she looked up at Alex and Lena, her red-rimmed eyes serious. "I have had my powers taken away too many times in the past for me to let myself lose them now. I am not going to let myself become dependent on them."
"Selah-" Alex tried, but the girl interrupted her.
"Can you turn them down, please?" she asked Lena. She exchanged a quick glance with Alex, who nodded tersely. Picking up the tablet, the CEO opened the control menu.
"This might be... abrupt," she warned, but Selah only nodded. As she began slowly sliding the dials down, she saw the girl grit her teeth, her eyes squeezed shut. "If it's too much," she began, but she cut her off.
"Shut up," she groaned. "Please. Just a little more." Knowing better than to argue, Lena lowered the levels further, and the metal wheels under the table legs began to spin.
"Hey," Kara whispered. She took Selah's hand, firmly pulling it off of the armrest of the chair that she was crumpling inside of her fist. Placing it against her chest, she put one of her own hands over top. This was an old trick that the Danvers family had been using for years- Alex recognized it from the countless times that she had calmed her sister down when they were younger, and still sometimes recently, when nightmares or anxiety overtook her. "Listen for my heart beat, and focus on that, okay? Don't worry about anything else." Lena stopped adjusting the controls, and slowly, the girl's shoulders began to loosen and her frown softened as she centered herself around the steady rhythm of Kara's heart.
"Better?" she asked, when Selah's eyes finally opened again.
"Yeah. Thank you."
"Don't mention it."
"I want to get better. We have to keep turning them down," she said, looking back at Lena and Alex. "As much as possible."
"Okay."
.
Despite all of her protests, Alex decided that Selah needed to stay one more night at the DEO. She wanted to be able to track how well the cuffs were working for a little while longer, and she also wanted to make sure that when the girl went back home, she was in a stable enough state to be able to cope. Kelly had come in a few times that morning and afternoon, and she was helping Lena work out a schedule for decreasing the power dampeners in a way that wouldn't put too much strain on her mind.
In the meantime, Selah had learned that being on the balcony was the quietest place in the DEO. It was high up enough that the street noise wasn't too unbearable, and being outside of the building made the sounds from inside a bit quieter. Plus she could feel the sun and the wind, and watch the birds flying above the streets. She had brought out a book with her that she wasn't really reading much, instead opting to rest her back against the wall and let her mind go blank for a little bit. The rest of the Superfriends seemed to be giving her some space, which she appreciated, as it got quite overwhelming when they were all together, but everyone had individually stopped by to check in and chat occasionally.
She looked up quickly as her solitude was interrupted as the door to the balcony opened, and she saw her father standing in the doorway. He didn't have his Superman suit on, instead he was wearing his horn rimmed glasses with jeans and a button-up shirt. Selah couldn't hear his thoughts, but she could see the furrows on his forehead that clearly showed his pensive state.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi," he replied. His smile seemed genuine, and he fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve. "Um. Are you up for some company?"
"Yeah," the girl said, dog-earing her page and shutting the book. She set it down on the railing next to her and turned to face Clark. He leaned against the wall beside her, crossing his arms.
"Is it safe for you to be sitting up there?" He asked. "I thought your powers are still being muffled."
"They are," the girl replied. "But I figured if I fall, someone here is bound to notice, and most of you guys can fly, so..." Clark chuckled, staring out at the city.
"I'm really glad that you're okay," he said.
"Thanks. Me too." An awkward silence hung in the air for a few moments, as they sat together. "Did you want to talk about something?" she asked finally.
"Can I ask you something?" he asked. "I know that there's a lot going on right now for you, and I don't want to overwhelm you. And it seems kind of trivial now, I guess, maybe I should have asked you sooner, but..."
"It's alright," Selah replied, trying to cut off his anxious rambling. She had never seen him so caught off guard- even when he had first met her, he had seemed more composed than his current state. "You can ask me anything."
"Did you grow up... okay?" The words fumbled out of his mouth, and he winced immediately after speaking. "I mean, besides the obvious, I guess. Were you okay with your mother?"
"Yeah," Selah replied, trying to make it sound genuine, but not doing very well at it. "It wasn't always great, but I got by."
"I just..." He pulled off his glasses and ran a hand over his eyes, trying to find the right words. "Kara's been filling me in on things with your aunt, and she explained some of the stuff that had happened to you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that you never really had anyone who was there for you."
"That's not your fault."
"I know. But I wish that I could go back and fix it. I missed out on a lot. And I'm really sorry that I did."
"I am too. I always liked the idea of having a dad. I used to try to come up with a picture of who my father was, and what he might be like. My mother never told me any information about you, so it's not like I had a lot to go off of," she smiled wryly. "Never quite imagined him as being you, though."
"That's understandable," Clark quipped.
"I grew up in a rougher neighborhood, so it wasn't uncommon for the other kids to have single mothers. Most of their dads weren't around either, so it's not like I felt like the only one or anything. But I did want you to be around. I wanted to know who you were."
"Um. I've guess that I've just been thinking a lot lately about us, and what we could look like. We can't get back all of the time that I missed from your life. I can't make up all of the missed birthdays and father's days, and I can't be the dad that you needed as a kid. I haven't been your dad, and if we're being honest, right now, I'm still not. I'm your father, sure, but me being your dad is something that was taken from both of us. And we can't change that, or rewrite history, but..." he trailed off, clearly unsure of how to phrase what he was trying to say.
"We could build something new," she finished for him. She kept her eyes fixed on the toe of her sneakers, not confident enough to make eye contact yet. As she felt the relief and happiness radiating off of her father, she glanced up quickly to see him grinning.
"I would really like that," he said.
.
"So how worried were you?" Selah asked that evening. She and Kara were in the lab together, sitting side-by-side on the cot. The quiet stillness of the room felt like an oasis in what had been a very busy and stressful few weeks. The girl had insisted on turning down the cuffs two more times, and she was clearly exhausted from the effort of it all. Lena had managed to convince her that they had done enough for the day, and she then quickly left the DEO before Selah could change her mind and badger her into a third decrease.
Kara tried to answer her question nonchalantly, playing it off like it was no big deal.
"I wasn't that worried," she replied. Selah raised her eyebrows, tilting her head knowingly, and she rolled her eyes. "I had hope that you would pull through. I know that you're tougher than you give yourself credit for, and I've always believed in you."
"Alex told me that you broke four doorhandles in one day because you kept squeezing them too hard."
"Alex needs to stop spreading unsubstantiated rumors." Selah laughed, and Kara smiled despite herself. "Were you worried?"
"Yeah," she replied, her smile fading a little bit. "She almost beat me. When she was strangling me, she was on top of me, and she seemed to be so much stronger than I was, and I thought..." the words faded in her throat, and she shook her head slightly, poking at the plastic cuffs. "But then I remembered that I am the one who has control over my mind and my thoughts, and I decided that I am done with being overpowered."
"How did you know how to beat her?"
"I didn't. I guess it was just a leap into the unknown." She smiled sideways over at Kara, and the hero put a hand on her knee.
"So you have been listening to my inspirational speeches."
"Only some of them."
"I'm really proud of you."
"Thanks, man."
"By the way," she said, stooping over to reach into her bag. "I got you something." Selah sat up, clearly interested, but Kara hid the gift behind her back. "Close your eyes," she ordered.
"Can't you just hand it to me like a normal person," the girl grumbled, begrudgingly shutting her eyes and extending a hand out in front of her.
"Nope," the hero replied smugly, pulling the item out of her bag and placing it onto her palm. "Okay, open them." A crooked smile split across her face as she looked at what Kara had given her, and she glanced at the woman.
"You got me a Rubik's cube?" she asked, turning it over in her hands.
"Yep. This way you can figure out if you know how to solve one for real." Selah grinned as the door slid open and Alex entered the lab, carrying a clipboard.
"Everything's okay in here?" she asked, walking over to the cot. The girl nodded absent-mindedly, as she began carefully twisting the cube around.
"It's all good," Kara replied.
"I didn't know that we were doing presents already," Alex said, looking at Selah. She dropped the clipboard onto the cot and opened the mini fridge in the corner, pulling out a carton of ice cream and a spoon that she set on the table next to the bed. "Mint chocolate chip."
"So you've finally compromised on your ice cream flavor superiority complex?" she asked. "And all it took was for me to start a mind battle with an evil lady who was living in my head? I'll have to keep that in mind for the next game night."
"Absolutely not, I'm never buying it again. This was a one time deal."
"Also you'd better not have any mind battles ever again," Kara added. The girl smirked, popping the top off of the carton and scooping out a spoonful of the ice cream. She stuck in into her mouth and picked the Rubik's cube back up, turning the faces around with much more determination.
"Are you going to stay the night?" Alex asked her sister.
"I think so. You?"
"Yeah, I want to keep Selah through tomorrow morning, to make sure that everything is okay, so I'm probably going to stick around tonight too."
"Good thing we have plenty of ice cream to get us through," the girl stated, and Alex rolled her eyes. Selah took another scoop of ice cream and handed the finished Rubik's cube to Kara, smugly wiggling her eyebrows.
"That's impressive," she admitted. "I guess that proves this is all real, huh?"
"Not really. I'd have to make sure that you can't solve it. I think that would be much more compelling evidence."
"You're making me miss how quiet it was around here while you were still unconscious."
.
Kara watched Selah closely as they walked down the hallway of her and Nia's apartment building, carefully examining her for any signs of anxiety or nervousness. She knew that she always hid her feelings very well, but she seemed to be genuinely relaxed as she unlocked the door and swung it open. A few days had passed, and Selah seemed to be becoming less dependent on the cuffs; she was still wearing them, but they had been turned down more than halfway. Lena had told Kara that they were hoping to be able to take them off completely by the end of the week. In the meantime, Alex had cleared her to go back home, deciding that she no longer needed to be kept in the DEO. She had been given her own control dial for the cuffs in case of emergency. Lena had told her very explicitly that it was only to be used to turn up the cuffs if she started feeling overwhelmed, and they were only going to be turned down under supervision at the DEO.
"Everything still looks the same," Selah said, unlocking the front door, and glancing back at Kara as she walked into the kitchen of her apartment.
"You've only been gone for a few weeks," she reminded.
"I know. Part of me was just expecting for it all to be different somehow, I guess."
"Do you feel different?"
"I'm not sure." She threw her jacket over a chair and began meandering down the hallway to her bedroom, flicking a few lights on and off as she went. Kara followed, and watched from the doorway as she entered her room. It looked mostly the same as it had when she had first moved in. It had plain, off-white walls with nothing hanging up on them, and a small, rickety dresser with three drawers. The bottom one was open and the sleeve of a sweatshirt was hanging out of it. The bed was made, but the yellow duvet sat askew, and Selah's purple stuffed elephant was on the floor at the foot of it. Selah was standing next to her desk, which had a few stacks of books and stray pens on it. She opened the top drawer and pulled out a few sheets of paper, thumbing through them soberly.
"What are those?" Kara asked. She glanced up, looking over at her.
"Um. Before I went back in, I started writing a bunch of letters to you and Alex and Nia and everyone else, just in case," she replied. "I figured that in a worst case scenario, eventually you'd be able to find them, but I couldn't finish writing any of them."
"That does sound like a bit of a depressing activity."
"Yeah, it was a real bummer. Eventually I decided that I'd just have to beat Beta, because saying goodbye was way too exhausting. Also I realized that I never wrote a will, so it would have been kind of irresponsible of me if I had died." Kara snorted.
"Don't joke about that," she said with a groan. Selah turned one of the top pages around to face the hero with a sad smile.
"I didn't get very far on yours, I guess," she said. Written along the top was the words "To Kara," and then the rest of the sheet of paper was blank.
"I didn't even get a 'Dear?'" she demanded. "Just a 'to?' 'To' is reserved for vague acquaintances and your least favorite coworker when you have to CC them on an email."
"Sorry, man."
"It's fine, I guess that I know where I stand with you now. Next time I text you, remind me to address it with, 'To whom it may concern.'"
"You're so dramatic," Selah said, laughing as she put the papers back down on the desk and went to sit down on the bed. Kara stepped into the room and sat next to her.
"I have a folder in the Notes app on my phone," she said. "That's where all of my just-in-case letters are."
"I never considered digitizing mine. That's very high-tech of you."
"Yeah, they're even saved in the cloud in case my phone goes out with me."
"Wow."
"Yeah, and just so you know your letter does not start with 'To Selah,' because I'm mature enough to be able to write honestly about my feelings towards the people that I care about. Also it's finished."
"How long are you going to be mad about that?"
"I'm going to hold on to it for a while."
"Okay." Selah leaned back against the wall and looked around her room again, and Kara glanced over at her.
"What are you thinking about?" she asked.
"I'm thinking that I'm glad to be home again."
"I'm glad that you're home too."
.
.
.
