"Smoking kills, you know?"

I jump, startled. It's Tweek. The last person I expected to approach me smoking at my car before class. "Why do you always have to sneak up?"

"Why aren't you ever paying attention?" He counters. "What is that?"

I glance at the cup in my hand. "Coffee."

"Oh," he says. He takes it out of my hands and starts drinking. He doesn't hand it back.

"You're in a good mood."

"I'm really not," he disagrees. "If I'm at school I'm not in a good mood."

"Fair enough." I don't even bring up that he's talking to me at school. I don't know what's happening really but I don't mind it so what does it matter? "How are you... feeling?"

Tweek snorts. "You're not that big, Craig. I'm fine."

I mean I beg to differ but, "I don't know how that shit works. You might be sore after." I also meant mentally but Tweek would never talk about that. I just thought since he's talking to me at all

"Nah, I'm fine."

"Tweek," I start.

"I don't like where this is going."

You probably won't. "I was wondering if you're gay." It's what I was gonna ask him in the classroom before Lau came back.

Tweek's quiet for a long time, just sipping my coffee while I smoke. He finally sighs heavily and shrugs. "That's a loaded question."

"As in you don't know or it'd take a while to explain?"

He shrugs again. "Maybe both." Of course, he isn't gonna just come out and say it. But if he did I'd have felt a lot better.

"Why are you asking me that? Are you gay?"

I shrug, "As far as I know." It's the most straight forward I've been about this but who else could I be this forthcoming with? No point in lying to Tweek. He knows I'm at least bi at this point and I'm not bi.

"We don't usually talk about this."

"We don't usually talk," I point out.

"How long have you known?"

"I think I always knew. I just think it wasn't relevant until I met you." Fuck that came out weird.

He's quiet some more. I doubt there's really any coffee left in that thing but then again I've been milking this cigarette too just to have something to do so it seems less awkward. "So thanks a lot asshole."

Tweek laughs at this. A nice laugh. Sometimes it hurts to look at him. It hurts more actually having him around in the day. I wish he'd stop and go away.

"Fine. If you wanna get sentimental then you were definitely an awakening for me too. I just don't know if it's all guys or just you."

I almost can't believe my ears when I glance to Tweek again he's completely flush and turned away. "I take it back," he says. "Sounds so gross when I say it with my voice."

"Nah, sounds nice." I kiss Tweek just to see if he'll let me and he does. I made sure no one was around but would he know that? "Though I've heard you sound better."

"Geez, pervert. That didn't take long for you to make sexual."

"I love how innocent you try to act. Like you're not a pervert, if not a bigger one than me," I say. "Aren't you like, a masochist or something?"

Tweek looks appalled. I think I went too far with that one. "Aren't you like, a sadist or something?" He shoots back. Touché.

The bell rings in the distant and we start walking towards the main building. "You smell really bad," he says. "You don't get in trouble for smelling like cigarettes?"

"At school or at home?" He shrugs. "Most of my teachers already know I smoke and I don't really notice when I smell anymore so I guess they just don't care. And I try not to get caught at home."

"Hm," he says. "They probably know," he decides. And he's probably right. "When did you start?"

"I had my first cigarette when I was twelve but I really started smoking the summer after sophomore year. I used to hang out with assholes. Like real assholes."

"It's gross. You smell bad, you taste bad, and you have burn holes in your sweatshirt." He sticks his finger in one to emphasize. "And some of your shirts too," he adds.

I just kinda stare at him. "They help with my stress," I tell him.

"There's so many alternatives, Craig. I have to go." He turns to go to his class.

Shit, I'm gonna have to quit. For real this time. I've been told this same shit a million times by literally everybody. But Tweek's the only one who had any points I actually care about. Him. I never thought about how it would taste for Tweek. Since he never said anything I didn't think he even knew but he has been in my car.

Are we closer now because we fucked? Is that how Tweek feels? Is that why he's acting like this? If so, that's great but then, are we dating or together or whatever? If we're friends and we're having sex doesn't that equal a relationship? I run my hands down my face. It doesn't 'cause we're both guys.

What if this is just a test run for him? He said himself he didn't know. But he seems so sure. Does he act sure because I act sure? Because I am. I think about this stuff all the time against my will even. I know I'm into dudes, I always have if I'm being honest. I just tried not to think about it for as long as I could. And even more than that, I know I'm into Tweek. I'm still not willing to admit just how much though. I don't know if I even know.

I just don't know if it's all guys or just you. What the hell does that mean? That he wants to try someone else to see if it still works? So, he's into girls too then? Is he still hooking up with girls… to feel masculine? Is this stuff I should be thinking? Am I selfish? Is it okay… for me to want more? How's this never come up before? How've we been maintaining this for this long? At what point did I start liking him? It was before we kissed and before I starting having wet dreams about him.

I think-

I run into the door because I didn't turn the handle fast enough. It's embarrassing but I pretend to look unbothered. Clyde and Kenny are a riot in the back of the room, having witnessed the whole thing which just shines more light on it. People snicker at me as I make my way to my seat.

"Good morning, Walking Cancer Cloud."

"Good morning, Token."

"Was your head high too strong? Is that why you ran into the door."

"Keep attacking me and I'm gonna sit with Testaburger."

Token laughs, "And that's punishing who? Me or you?"

"Wendy would only hound you more," Clyde says. "But yeah, bro. Quit smoking. It's not cool. You reek."

"Yeah, you're right." They all gasp. "What?"

"For real? I mean- Of course, I am right."

I give my current pack to Token. "I don't want them anymore. Seriously. I'm done."

Everyone gets serious when I hand him my lighter as well. "That easy? What happened, man?"

"It was the door," Kenny says. I agree with him. But then he retracts his statement looking thoughtful. "No," he says. "It was probably The Mystery Lady. Things are starting to get serious. She probably found out he smokes which is weird that she didn't know since I was assuming her to be older."

"Oh, so she didn't like it?" Clyde asks.

"Kenny's pulling shit out his ass. They're just starting to make me sick. And my mom doesn't want me to anymore."

"Haha, now we listen to what our moms' say?" Kenny asks. "Okay. I need a haircut, a decent young lady, and a steady path for the future."

"That makes sense," Token says. "The part about Craig quitting over a girl, not the part about Craig lying."

"What?"

"Yeah, dude, you lie all the time so I don't wanna hear it."

Damn, I am readable. I groan. "I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."

"Where's your coffee?"

For a brief second I think he's right and where did I leave it? But then I chuckle and put my head down. I'm gonna have to tell the guys soon. I need to figure out how.


I've been really depressed for a while but writing this story now and seeing your wonderful reviews is really nice. Thanks.