I've been sitting in my driveway too long. What's the problem? My mom already knows so why isn't this easier than telling her I like guys.

…She wasn't expecting it back then but now I don't even know what she's thinking really. What does she even wanna talk about? What kind of questions? What if this ruins the calm resolve she had the first time? Maybe she didn't take me seriously and that's why she was fine.

Besides that, what about me? I sigh.

There's really no point in putting this off. I unbuckle myself and head inside. The lights downstairs are dim again. Everyone's probably in bed already. I came back pretty late. My mom is on the couch. "Hey," she says when I walk in. I'm overreacting again.

I set down my things. "Hey." I plop down I on the far side of the couch and don't say anything. This is so awkward. I feel transparent. Why's this gotta be so invasive? Why should I even need to do this? I should've just waited 'till graduation, left, and then came back one day with a guy like, 'This is who I'm with now.' How'd I even manage to say it to her. I don't wanna cry again. I'm not sure why I had in the first place.

"We don't have to talk, if you don't want to," she says. "I didn't mean to make you nervous. I just wanted to talk."

Yeah. Why. About what? "It's fine… We can talk."

"How are you?" I raise an eyebrow at her. "I just feel bad," she admits, looking in her lap.

"Why?"

She shrugs, "I should've known."

"I didn't want anyone to know. That's not your fault."

"I guess you're right. Still, we were so hard on you when really something was going on. I should've known something was going on," she says. And it's stupid because the child in me agrees with her.

However, the adult in me understands so it's fine. "Let's just move on."

She's still solemnly quiet for a moment but then she brightens up a little. "So can we talk about your boyfriend now?"

"Well," I say, "He isn't my boyfriend. We do boyfriend things but we aren't boyfriends." How embarrassing. This is why I was putting this off.

"What the heck is that?" she says. "I really wanna meet him," she gushes. She quickly adds, "I know I probably can't right now but once you guys figure things out, invite him over."

I laugh at the thought of Tweek meeting my dad. "You guys would scare the shit out of him." I don't think they themselves would intimidate Tweek the slightest. It'd be the incentive of meeting my family and mine is kinda rambunctious to boot, especially compared to his. If he did come, my mom would be very extra about us being together and my dad would be awkward and uncomfortable. Ruby would be an asshole and I don't know how Tweek would react at all. It doesn't sound like a good idea though. Who knows what they would say. And if I even invited him to meet my family he'd never talk to me again.

My mom frowns. "We could tone it down. I could control your father and sister. They know better."

"This is hypothetical anyways, we're not together."

"Okay, okay," she says. "Seems like you wanna be though. Am I right?"

"I wouldn't mind if we were but this is also okay."

"What is that? Do you like him or not?"

I hesitate, "I do… like him but, it just wouldn't work out."

"Based on what? What kind of bullshit it that?"

"He's really… hard to understand. Sometimes I think he might actually like me but then he says shit- sorry- that makes me feel like punching him in the face. Stuff like, 'we aren't dating' and, 'we aren't even friends,'" I quote. "He doesn't even seem to know what he wants. I feel like the closer I try to get, the more he pushes away. And if I let myself like him, I'll be setting myself up."

"What if you told him how you felt and you guys made a plan together. It's not hard. If it works out, it does and if it doesn't, it doesn't. You're not going to school anyways, let's be honest. Your plans can be flexible," She says thoughtfully.

I scoff, "Okay, realistically, I can't just go up to him, confess and then tell him I want to be with him forever." I flush. I never thought I'd be talking to my mother about something like this.

"You would if that's what you really wanted. Worst thing that happens?" She hums. "He says no? He… stops seeing you. You both graduate and do what you were gonna do anyways. At least you know what kind of person he really is. Seems wishy washy. You said he didn't even know what he wanted." She shrugs, "Maybe it's you. Maybe you know it better than him. But do what you want. Stay here with us and become manager. I don't care."

I sigh. Is she right? I don't even know what I'd do if it worked out though. I never thought about it because I was so sure it couldn't. And what use would it do to think about it. If I let my thoughts go there, who knows.

"Is it Clyde?"

"What the f- No!"

"Okay," she laughs. "Let me guess again. Don't get offended," she laughs more at my disgusted reaction.

"Clyde?"

"There's tension!" she argues with a laugh.

"Gross. He's like family, ma!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. He was the easiest target though," she says. "The guy you box with."

"Hm, yeah. His name's Tweek," I tell her.

"Oh yeah, Tweek." She flashes her eyebrows at me. "Is he fit? Is he cute?"

"He's really handsome," I say. "Nice eyes."

"Craig, I'm so proud of you," she gushes.

I laugh, "Why?"

"I don't know," she hugs me. "For telling me? For being so mature? I don't know," she says. "I'm really happy for you. I don't want you to feel pressured to tell your dad or anything. That's why I wanted to talk to you so bad. I wanted to make sure that you weren't regretting telling me. I wanted to make sure you were okay, that you knew we're okay. That' I'm not upset at all and this is great," she tells me. "It's really important that you don't let people decide for you. And it happens so easily, without you even realizing it. I know I had such a hard time being myself when I was younger. Pretending to like things I didn't and forgetting the things I did, for who? You can't be happy like that. And that's why this is great and maybe that's why I'm so proud of you," she says.

"You've really grown up to be a man, Craig."

"Are you gonna cry? Don't cry, mom."

"What the hell is going on down here. Looks like a damn séance." My dad's voice rumbles from behind, startling both of us to death as he flicks on the lights. "Fucking weirdos."

"Screw you, Thomas," my mom stands to talks to my dad in the kitchen. "Don't get mad 'cause your vision's gone to shit."

"What the hell?!"

My mom teases my dad about needing glasses now that he's old but it all sounds like static. Fuck, did he hear? He was already at the bottom. What did he hear? He's acting fine but fuck.

I run my hands through my hair. Whatever. If he knows then he does. At least he isn't saying anything about it now and odds are he really didn't hear anything. His hearing's going to shit too. I chuckle to myself.


meant to post this along with the rest of em so here ya go. enjoy~

lmao who mentioned me on tumblr tho that's so cool