Last Night
"Are you sleeping?" I grab Craig's arm. "Hey, asshole," I shake him but, it's pointless. Craig has passed out and after all that, I doubt anything in the world could wake him up.
I huff, still slightly out of breath.
What the fuck was that?! He's such a pervert. Fuck. I can't breathe. It's so hot. I shove my face in my pillow. Fuck. Why did I like that so much?! "Ugh." Where did that come from? Is that what he meant when he said he wanted a safe word? So, he could do shit like that?
Ah, but we didn't actually come up with one so him pulling that shit out of nowhere completely shitfaced was kind of scary, for real. I didn't know how many times he was gonna do it or if I could stop him if I wanted to. Craig's a lot bigger than me. If he's already holding me down, there's not much I can do. But, my masochistic brain kind of liked that more, knowing deep down I was safe because it's Craig. "Ugh!" I shove my face in the pillow. I almost passed out, I think.
I thought what we'd been doing was fine. I had no idea what I was compromising… What the fuck am I thinking?!
I stare at him. He's knocked out. God, he's in my bed! I really didn't want him to stay the night. In hindsight, I'm not sure what my plan was. I just hadn't thought it through enough. I didn't think about how if I brought him here like this, he would pass out for the night and then I'd have to explain to my parents in the morning that he's here so they don't freak out when they see his truck and him leaving.
I also didn't think he'd get that drunk though. Augh, look at him, he's disgusting! He's covered in sweat and semen… I can't really get mad because we ruined his bed too but… dammit, my sheets.
When I try to stand, my legs give. It's pathetic and I'm grateful that Craig wasn't awake to witness it. I look at the jackass in my bed again and consider throwing him outside or in his truck. I don't know why I brought him here. I cover my face again. Shit. Why did I bring him here? I was doing so well.
If he had just said yes, when I asked to hang out… I wouldn't have gone to the party.
It was a bad night. The more I sat with myself, the worse it got. I smoked but that didn't help. Then I tried to box it off and for the first time that didn't work either. I started to freak out, but I knew what I needed- or w- wanted…
Anything would've been better, even a stupid party where I didn't know anyone. Then maybe, we'd fuck anyways.
But then, Craig wanted to take shots. I told him I didn't drink and he thought I meant I wouldn't be helpful. As if I give a shit about his stupid fucking drinking games! I can't drink on my meds. He can't think that hard though and would try to make me feel bad for that.
I hate liquor anyway. It tastes bad, it's not good for you, it makes you throw up, you get hung over and you make stupid choices you wouldn't make otherwise. Craig in my bed right now being case, point. I can't believe I even considered humoring him. I took a shot like I was gonna do it and I did. I really thought about it. But, why?!
I get up again. My legs are so weak and it pisses me off. It pisses me off because it kind of turns me on and I hate myself. I grab a rag from the bathroom. I rinse it in the sink with warm water. I don't want my bed to get any worse than it is... Maybe I can salvage it. I made a mistake and now I have to deal with it tomorrow too.
I'm gonna kick his ass when he wakes up.
I come back out of the bathroom and glare at his figure more. This isn't weird because we fuck and- Well, what are my fucking options here?! Let him ruin everything? I want to scrub angrily until he bleeds but instead I grab his arm gently and lightly run the rag over his skin. I get his arms, his legs, the unmentionables too… I get a clean rag and come back to finish with his face. He must have been really hammered, he's not even moving.
What an asshole. I push his hair back with the rag. He messes with me but he's prettier than I am. I'm not ugly but I'm a guy, I'm not pretty. Craig's attractive though. I think a lot of people would consider him pretty. I'm sure a lot of people do… I know. Everyone at school ogles over him but nobody can talk to him because they all think he's some stoic, cool guy that will kick your ass. I snicker and cover his face with the rag and my hand. So far from the truth. If only they knew how lame he really was.
Then he says he only got invited to Jenna's party because of Token and Clyde. Craig makes a noise and I continue to mess with him, shoving my finger in his nose through the cloth. He swats me away so I leave him alone, returning to the bathroom to rinse the rag.
I blush again in the mirror. He practically confessed- and then he cried… I thought he'd be better at holding his liquor. Loser. I wonder if he'll remember any of that. Was it just drunk talk? He was so sloppy, it's better to forget about it. People are reckless when they're drunk. Of course, he's gonna say dumb shit to me because of our relationship.
I should take a shower. I turn the knob on and clean my room while I wait for it to heat up. I throw his clothes in a wash so he'll have something clean to wear tomorrow and they won't be rotting on my floor. I get a bottle of water for whenever he wakes up. I don't need him exploring by himself.
God, this feels so gross. I think what I'm the most upset about is that he came in me! I watch a lot of porn and they always make it seem so hot but it's not at all. I thought it was the worst feeling ever until I started cleaning it out.
That was much worse.
After everything, I crawl back into bed with Craig. He still reeks of weed, alcohol, and BO. Somehow, it's not bad. I know I'm waking up before him so I slink up against his back. He's really warm. I'm almost asleep when I realize he hasn't even been snoring this whole. I'm grateful but… I push him over so he lies on his stomach instead. Although, if he really does vomit in my bed, I'll never talk to him again.
