It's a gloomy Monday morning. Dark grey clouds flood the sky with a light downpour. It's been raining since last night. I chug my coffee. My head throbs from lack of sleep. I think I might actually have insomnia but it also could be withdrawal. I'm sure it's not helping. I can't think about it. Think about something else. I really didn't want to come to school today… Think about something else.

I've been hiding out in my truck all morning because I'm stalling. I don't remember what happened. I don't even remember what I said but I can't face the guys... I ditched them, didn't I? It was weird. They're gonna bombard me with questions… And what else can I say? I'm not in the mood to deal with something so heavy but I'm tired of stupid lies. It makes me wanna smoke but I can't do that either. I sigh. Something else.

I haven't talked to Tweek since Saturday but I can't stop thinking about it. He left barely saying goodbye and we have no reason to talk so we haven't. The longer I thought about it, the more anxious I got. What if I really pissed him off? At the time, I didn't take him seriously at all. I wanted to challenge him. Since he does the opposite, I started doing the opposite- or more like, I started being honest. One of us should be. And I thought it was working out until the end. Most of the things I did, didn't actually bother him, even though he pretended it did. And He said the sex was good, just scary (I feel like Tweek is into that shit though). It was fun teasing him. Maybe I shouldn't have told him I went through his stuff… Hm, but wouldn't it be ruder if I didn't? It's not like he was hiding it. It was right there, I hit it with my foot. It was an accident. Anyone would have looked through it.

And then Sunday my dad caught me and mom talking while we were in the kitchen. Mom made sure to quickly abandon me with him. He wasn't saying anything but it was obvious he had heard us. He was pouring a shot of bourbon and I made myself a bowl of ice cream. I couldn't take it anymore so I asked him. He said he didn't care. And told me I can be with whoever makes me happy. I called him a pussy for being so sappy but it was nice to hear, especially from him. I was worried things would be weird between us if he knew. This morning was the nicest morning we've probably ever had as a family. The air was just comforting. Even Ruby pointed it out saying everyone was acting creepy. My parents are awesome…

I had my head down so it scares the living shit out of me when someone starts banging on my window. It's Tweek. He points to the door so I unlock it. He gets in on the passenger side, slightly damp. "What a shitty day." That's what he says. What the fuck? I shouldn't be surprised. I should give up on trying to read him.

"Well, it sounds kinda nice when you're not in it," he says. He takes my coffee and finishes it.

Because of my mood it pisses me off more than it would have normally. "Why don't you bring your own damn coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee," he tells me.

"But you always drink it!" I snap. "Your parents run a fucking coffee shop."

"Yeah," he says. "You wanna fight 'cause I drank your coffee? What's up your ass?"

"Nothing… Just, stop drinking my coffee."

"You didn't sleep or something?" he presses.

"It's not that." Not just that. I don't want to tell him I quit smoking. It would look like I did it because he told me to and that feels so lame.

"I'm not gonna pretend to care much longer."

"Good then, asshole, because I wasn't gonna fucking tell you anyway," I say. "And why are you even here?"

"I was bored and I knew you'd have coffee," he retorts. I can't help my face when I give him a look. "What?"

"You can say you wanted to see me." It's the least you can fucking do since you drank the last bit of my coffee.

He rolls his eyes. "If that fixes your face then, okay, 'I wanted to see you'." He tries to be nonchalant as if it doesn't mean anything but was that an apology? So easy and it seemed like he really meant it.

"Go away," I put my head back down.

"What the hell…" he grumbles. "Hey, do you work today?"

I turn to peer at him. "Yeah, later. Why?" It's obvious why, I realize after I've already asked.

Tweek ignores the question. "How later?"

"I'd have to get ready around five thirty," I say. Then adding another, "Why?" Because might as well mess with him.

"Wanna skip practice?" That's no fun. He's getting used to my advances.

The bell rings and we leave my truck. "Sure… I'm surprised you're suggesting we skip practice."

"My parents aren't gonna be home," he explains.

"Oh." After the weekend, I guess he doesn't mind me at his house. I thought he'd really be angry but I can't tell for sure. Because now he's acting like he doesn't care. I wonder if he talked to his parents after that?

"I'll let coach know," he says. He's so casual about it all too. He might as well call me Coffee and Dick- Oh, and Dumbass.

I wish I could smoke… At least then I'd have that. He banged on my window and pretended to care about my problems but he just wanted to know that we could bone after school.

We walk together. Tweek says, "I'm canceling practice for you so cheer up, asshat. You should at least be happy about that." Tweek bumps my arm with his. I move away. It's hard to be happy when I'm the only one who cares here. The sex will only mess with my head more. Tweek leans into me again, "Since you're making me miss practice, I'm telling you now." He whispers right by my ear. "I still intend to get my workout."

A shiver runs down my spine. Augh. "It's too early," I shove him away and he just laughs.

"I'm kidding," he winks. "See you after school."

"Y- yeah…" I watch him go and then make my way to my seat. Y-yeah? I put my bag on my desk and sit. What was that? How quickly did the dynamic go back to him fucking with me? Disappointingly brief.

The guys are quiet. It's suspicious and uncomfortable. "Hey," I say, breaking the silence.

"What?" Clyde answers, coldly.

"Okay, I bailed," I say. "But, is it really that big of a deal?"

"Dude, I don't care that you bailed," Clyde says. "You weren't answering our texts. I had to call your sister to make sure you were even alive."

I sigh. That's my fault. I should've replied but at first it made me stressed. Then, honestly, I forgot about it. "Token said you were leaving so I followed you out but someone else was driving your truck! You let someone else drive your truck," Clyde repeats. I rub the crease between my brows. He's right but... "I was just worried about you and you're mad about hiding your stupid girlfriend or something."

"Clyde," Kenny says.

Clyde cuts Kenny off. "That's always your excuse for acting like an asshole. And I really don't see what the big fucking deal is. Like I care-"

"It's a guy," I blurt out.

Clyde falls silent. They all blink at me.

"Alright class, pull out your books," the teacher begins. The class grows hush as everyone starts getting ready. I turn back to my desk, pulling my book out of my bag. Kenny's first to follow suit, then slowly Clyde and Token.

The lecture starts and I rest my head on my hand. Even though I seem indifferent my heart is racing. I feel indifferent. I said it. I finally just said it and they know. Nothing matters anymore. But it's still nerve wrecking. And because of poor timing, I have to wait to know what they think.

Kenny tosses a note on Clyde's desk. I can't see Clyde read it or his reaction because I'm sitting behind him. "Did you fucking know?" he snaps.

"Not the point," Kenny mumbles, looking agitated.

"Who just says that!" Clyde whispers, only turning his head slightly. "And then you say it right when class starts so we can't even talk!"

"Is there anything to talk about?" I say. "You guys know so you can finally stop asking."

"This just makes it okay that you treated us like shit?" Clyde turns around to look at me. I'm caught off guard by his outburst and anger.

I can't process his question enough before instinctively getting angry in return. "This isn't about you, Clyde."

"Boys!" The teacher says sharply.

After that, class goes on silently. When it ends, I try to just leave silently too but Token grabs me. "I'm going to class. I don't have time for this bullshit."

"What about you, Token?" Clyde says. "Why haven't you said anything?"

"Because I don't care. This is stupid," Token says.

Clyde stares at him and then scoffs, "You knew too?" Token doesn't say anything. "What the fuck…?"

I look at Kenny who raises his hands in defense. "I didn't tell him!"

Token shrugs, "I mean I didn't know but I figured… It made the most sense."

"Whatever," Clyde mutters, making his turn to walk to class. Kenny follows him, shooting me a look as if to say, 'I don't know what's wrong with him.' It's not Kenny's fault. I can't even try to understand what Clyde's upset about. I'm too angry about how that played out. Was it selfish to just blurt it out like that and expect them all to drop it.

"After everything, that's all it was," Token says. All it was? "Dude, you could've told us that." He's walking with me even though his class is the opposite way. I wish he wouldn't.

"I'm telling you now."

"Okay but that's not even a big deal," he says.

I stop. "I guess it wouldn't be to you guys. But it's been a big deal to me for a while now," I tell him. "Tell Clyde I said I'm sorry I'm so selfish and inconsiderate." Now that they pissed me off, I don't even want to talk to them. I don't owe them anything. I didn't have to tell them if I didn't want to. I don't like how lightly they brushed it off. As if it doesn't matter!

Fuck… And I did the same shit to Tweek.

"Craig," Token says but I start walking away. "Hey," He grabs my shoulder. "Don't worry about Clyde. I don't think he cares. I think he's just acting like a girl again."

"Yeah," I say, pulling away.

Token's quiet. He probably doesn't know what to say. I don't either. It's awkward. But, he's trying and I appreciate him. "Alright, I'll see you at lunch then?"

"Yeah," I repeat. I watch him go. Kids push past me. I grab my phone and shoot my mom a text.

I'm… gonna go home.


A/N Thank you all for your patience and support. I will have the next chapter done soon as well. Hopefully this one is good and you all enjoy!