That Night

I put my hair up and glance over. "Seriously, Craig?" I nudge his limp body. "At least take the condom off." That's disgusting. How does he fall asleep like that? Insomnia, my ass.

I get up, stretch, look at Craig some more, and snatch up my stuff. I head to the bathroom, grabbing a towel from the hall. I notice I'm humming as I turn the shower on. That's new.

I take a piss and wait for it to heat up. Only stepping in, once the room is full of steam. The water cascades down my body. It feels good. I can't help a smile. It's dumb. I'm just so happy. I feel good, refreshed, relaxed. And if I'm not lying, I'm looking forward to cuddling later too.

Was I pent up?

Whatever it was, it sucks that we can't do this more. If I could have it my way, we'd do this every day. I shudder thinking about it. When he grabbed my face and shoved it in my mouth, I thought I was gonna die. It was amazing. Craig's so hot, I could fucking eat him. I can still feel it, ramming against the back of my throat. His skin grazing the roof of my mouth, sending shivers through me. And he looked so damn good in that jockstrap... Fuck. I should be showering. I turn the water to cold instead. It helps clear my dirty mind but doesn't really faze me. Craig didn't look up for a round two, sadly.

He was acting weird at first, I was worried. I was drunker than I am now so I thought he was gonna say something terrible. He looked like he was about to say something terrible. Something like let's end this. I don't know what he's reasons for that would be, but I doubt Craig would get that flustered over a blowjob. I wonder what was really bothering him.

It shouldn't matter if Craig's awake or sleeping is what I tell myself. It's not like we haven't cuddled before but still… I take an extra-long shower. I wash my face, brush my teeth, take my pills, and moisturize. I even grab a glass of water from downstairs. I already know he'll be sleeping. He looked dead before I left.

Sure enough, when I creep back into the room, he's sprawled out on his bed, naked. I put my glass down on the nightstand. Cuddling would be the perfect end to a decent day, so it doesn't really matter that he hasn't washed up at all. At least the condom has been removed. I crawl up next to him and pull the blanket over us, getting comfortable. Once I'm completely snuggled in, Craig throws his arm around me. I freeze.

Fuck, he's awake. Was he always awake?

"Tweek," he says. I can only hum in response. This is so embarrassing. He wasn't sleeping at all! I thought he'd be knocked out so I didn't really check… "Go out with me." What is this?!

My embarrassment is replaced with confusion and the tranquil high from my recent orgasm is replaced with an uneasiness. "What the fuck," is all I can think to say. I mean, "No…" But, why is Craig even asking me that and why now? Why was this asshole pretending to sleep? Was he… Did he do that last time too?!

"Why not?" It suddenly dawns on me that this must've been what was bothering him today. And the uneasiness blooms into full panic.

Why not? I feel like there are trillions of reasons, but in the moment my mind draws a blank. What's the shit I'm always saying? He's… an asshole? Gosh, it's been a while since I've really thought about this. Did I ever have a reason?

This was not a conversation I was prepared to have when I came here. I feel deceived. And my head's so hot. I'm still feeling the liquor. Was that part of his plan too?

I pull from his embrace, rolling next to him instead. Even though we can't see each other's face in that position, it's somehow more intimate and I am not okay with where this is going. "What the fuck?" I repeat. "Why are you saying that now?"

It's not like we never talked about it. We just have sex. That's what this is supposed to be. Craig didn't even seem like he wanted to do this anymore at one point. He was fine, just ending it when coach took his keys. Back then, he said we weren't in a relationship. This is bullshit. We graduate in a month. Then, what? What is his plan?

"It's been on my mind for a while," Craig admits. "We hang out, we have sex, and… I like you a lot. I started wondering why we aren't dating." Agh! I seriously can't listen to this shit.

I sit up and Craig follows. He's still naked and that's not helping. This is Kenny's fault. I never liked Kenny. He's invasive. I know he's the one who's been putting this dating shit in Craig's head. He says things to me too. He has some kind of obsession with our relationship. Things were totally fine before everyone fucking found out and now they think we're dating too. As if people don't casually make out at parties. Lame. If we were girls, nobody would've gave a fuck.

"Are you drunk again?"

"What? No, Why? What did I say when I was drunk?"

I shrug, looking away. "Pretty much that." I don't want to repeat it. It's too cringy. And I don't believe it's true at all.

"Wait," he says. "I told you I liked you or I wanted to date you?"

I grimace, "Both."

"And you didn't mention this because…?"

"Seemed irrelevant…" I tell him.

"How is that irrelevant?!" He suddenly snaps.

"Because you were drunk!" I retort, frustrated.

"Well, I'm not drunk," Craig insists. "And whatever I said to you then was probably true too."

"Whatever," I dismiss him, trying not to repeat that scene in my head. "The whole point is that I don't want to date."

"Why not? We're basically dating anyways."

"If we're, 'basically dating anyways,' why does it matter?" I argue.

"It matters," Craig says, sternly. "Because this isn't enough for me anymore. I deserve better than this."

I scoff and try not to laugh. He's being so serious but that's what makes it funny. I shake my head. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know," Craig starts. "Sometimes it's seems like you're only using me for sex."

"I am," I say, surely.

Craig ignores me. "But then sometimes, you act like you like me," he continues. "Sometimes it feels like you care about me." He's very careful and thoughtful about what he says. "I don't think you really hate me so why do you always treat me like shit?" This isn't fair. I think about getting up and leaving but it's too much effort to even finish the thought. And truthfully, I don't want things to end with Craig. It's the nicest thing in my life right now. It's exceeded boxing even… I don't know when it happened but it definitely did.

It's fun to be with Craig but, I can't actually be with him. I treat him like shit so he won't like me. That's why it doesn't make sense that he does. Really, what's there to like?

When it becomes apparent, I'm not gonna respond. Craig asks a different question, "Am I that bad?" Ugh, asshole! I feel like he's cornering me. What am I supposed to say to that? How did he become the victim?

"You only think you like me 'cause we fuck," I blurt out. "I don't think that's grounds for dating."

"I like you for more reasons than that, Tweek. Give me some fucking credit," he says. "I liked you before we kissed," he says. "I've liked you for like, a few years now. And if you tell me you really didn't know, you're lying."

"This is dumb. There's no point in us dating."

"Wow, you're not even denying it," he says. I huff because it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle. If it even was a few years, it's not like I knew the whole time. And so what if he thought he liked me then too?

"You don't know anything about me. How can you like me?"

"I know enough to like you," he argues. "We've seen each other almost every day for the past few years." Once again, when his case is valid I tune it out. "You have nothing to lose. Just say yes. If it's so horrible, we'll stop."

"What are you hoping to get out of this?" I ask, suspiciously. If I acted like I didn't want to date him, why would he still want to date me? Fucking idiot. And why should it matter if we're dating or not, when he (and pretty much everybody else) thinks we're 'basically dating,' anyways?

"What kind of question is that?" he asks. "If anything, for you to stop saying you don't care. And… I don't know. It'd be nice if you liked me back."

"Hm," I hum. "That's tough."

"Tweek, what the fuck? I'm being serious," Craig says. "You won't even give a reason why not… You don't even know, do you?" His harsh tone makes me flinch.

Well, first and foremost, we're two guys. The idea is unappealing enough by itself. Then, there's Craig. I had a crush on him when we were kids but, why should I like him now? I mean, what do I know? He could just be waiting for me to say yes before telling me it was all a prank… That'd be familiar… How can I even trust him?

That day Coach brought him to practice, I was angry to see him but it was like he suddenly got decent, charismatic even. I hated him even more because after that, he seemed perfect. His one bad quality- his shitty personality- was gone. It was worse somehow. I was so mad I accidentally hit him too hard and he KO'd. I wanted to feel bad. At the time, I didn't. I felt like Craig deserved it. I forgot about that. It must've looked intentional because Coach gave me a good talking to and after the initial shock of coming to, even Craig looked a little disappointed.

I didn't care. After that, I tried to make him angry sometimes but he wouldn't budge. He has a lot of patience or maybe he's really that dumb. He kept trying to be my friend. It was hard to dislike him.

I glance at him. He looks vulnerable. Fuck, I hate this. I don't want to say no.

Well…

It's a little crazy to assume he's not being genuine right now. I know I can't keep holding what he did as a child against him. And he really isn't the asshole he was when we were kids. Part of me feels insane for thinking it could be fake and part of me feels insane for thinking I can trust Craig.

But, fucking look at him! He looks like I'm hurting him. Was that what I wanted? I think it was at one point but, it doesn't feel good anymore.

I'm my worst version of myself around him and he still puts up with me. That's gotta be worth something… I don't know. People know now, things are way different than they were. My parents even know and they really like Craig.

He's… pretty nice, if I'm being objective. He never cared about getting caught, he didn't blame me when it did happen. He's considerate, funny (at times), and his dick is huge. I like boxing with him and our sexual chemistry is fantastic. He makes things interesting- Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck, who am I kidding? Of course, I like Craig. I've always liked Craig. That's why I don't want to date him. It really fucking scares me. If we dated seriously, how would I not end up the loser? It's Craig. He looks like that and I can't even talk to people. Am I jealous of him? That's embarrassing…

I think I wanted to stay in charge of the relationship. Keep him scared enough to never ask because if he did, I'd do something stupid and say yes. And if I said yes or something… We'd date and eventually, Craig would get tired of me or find someone better. Because it wouldn't be too hard for him.

"Look," he says. "Just give me a chance. Like you said, it's no different from what we're doing anyways. It'll only be better."

I'm gonna say yes. I have to say yes. I'm just really against it. Craig, not knowing this looks so worried and scared. It's too damn cute. I cover my face with the blanket. I feel like an idiot. "Whatever."

Craig leans over. "What?"

"Fine."

He leans closer, "Did you say fine?"

"You're not gonna let it go, right?" I snap, louder. "So, whatever. It's not like it makes a difference." I turn away from him. "Now, go to sleep." Instead, a large hand slips around my waist and up my stomach, encasing me and pulling me back towards Craig's body. "What are you doing?"

"You really want to sleep now? We just became official." He kisses my ear and I flush.

Official? "Are you five?" I reach back to push him away but he's already pressing himself against my butt. He's not fully erect but I can feel him getting harder. It's making resisting increasingly difficult. "I just took a shower…" I try to reason with him (and myself) but, he rolls me onto my stomach and grinds against my boxers. My back arches. Fuck. Okay… Do whatever you want. I lean back into his movements to relay this.

Craig shoves my shirt up to my shoulders. He cups my ass and squeezes roughly. I dig into the bed. It smells like him. Maybe this is okay. I always worry about everything. But, everyone thinks we're together anyways. Plus, I lied to my parents and said he was my boyfriend because I couldn't tell them we were fuck buddies… Really, this makes things easier.

Craig presses and rubs against me, slowly. It makes me wonder what he's doing or thinking about. He's still naked. I wish he'd take my boxers off already. It driving me crazy not feeling him against my bare skin. His hand glides up my thigh and pushing my boxers up, exposing my cheek. He drags the fabric all the way up, slipping beneath it, with his thumb. I can't take it. "Craig," I try, arching further into him.

Craig chuckles, holding me down. "You just said you didn't want to." Fed up, I grab the hem of my underwear and slide them down to my knees. Craig hums, "Nice." I'm too impatient to be embarrassed. And I know he likes it.

His finger presses into me gently. "It's loose."

"We just did it, asshole."

"I know," he says, pouring the lube on himself and me. "Think I can put it in?" Craig tests it, pushing into me slightly. It doesn't hurt as bad as when he put it in before. He goes slow but it slides in, easily. Craig kisses my neck and says into my ear, "It feels like it's shaped like me inside you." Ugh! He says the most vulgar shit.

Tonight, I realized anything Craig does could be my kink. His voice is sexy, his hands are sexy, his hair, his eyes, his back, his lips, his tongue… And his dick is huge.

I'm enjoying it a lot quicker this time. I can't help the little noises of pleasure that escape me. But I know he likes that too. Craig pounds into me, rubbing against that good spot. Because I can still feel it from before and his rhythm and pace are so good, I feel like I could come from this alone. But, he hasn't touched me yet.

I reach to do it myself. Before I can, Craig's hands close over mine. He buries his face into my shoulder, properly pinning me with his entire body. "Hm."

In his repositioning, he slams into a better spot. It's so good. He nips at my shoulder. I shove my face into the sheets to muffle my whining. Just a little more. Craig grabs my hips, pulling me towards him as he thrusts. The bed keeps brushing against me and I lean into the friction. I'm gonna come. From only this? Weak.

Craig flips me onto my back. I'm glad it's dark. That surprised me and seeing his face so suddenly right now would've given me a heart attack. Those piercing eyes. I can't actually see but I shiver, thinking about them staring at me now. Craig continues. He grabs my face and kisses me. I melt into it immediately, nipping at his lip until his tongue slips in. We briefly make eye contact and I think, Let's agree to never talk again. Let's just do this all the time. In my mind, Craig receives this telepathic message and kisses back harder.

Now, I rub against Craig's stomach, instead. I come, my toes curling. Craig finishes shortly after me and it's only as he's coming, that I notice, he didn't use a condom.

I can't decide whether I'm turned on or pissed off. And that pisses me off the most. But, my brain is too obliterated to care. Craig lies next to me, he grabs me and pulls me over so I'm resting on his arm. I sigh. Gross. We're so gross.

I'm too tired to take another shower! I can't get up. I can't even roll over. I stare at Craig. I can't tell if he's really asleep yet or not. He always says he can't sleep but every time we're together, he seems to pass out.

Maybe… this is okay. Being with Craig always seemed impossible. He's perfect and it's obvious so, people like him. I felt like I'd always have to worry about him and people flirting with him… And what if, one day, he flirts back?

My shut my eyes tight and curl back into Craig the same way I had before and he holds me. My leg rests on his. I'm embarrassed because my heart is beating so fast and it makes Craig's heart beat faster and I can hear it.

Maybe this is okay and maybe being more honest is fine too. I know I'm not easy to deal with. I mean, here I am being jealous and worrying about losing him when I acted like I didn't even want to be with him in the first place. I acted like I didn't want to be with him in the first place and I actually like him. I actually like him and I treat him like I don't on purpose… I could help him out a little bit by at least, not lying anymore. That would probably be better for me too…