Laura sat across from Bill with her eyebrows raised. Bill didn't open up often, and it was happening even less since the exodus from New Caprica. However, it felt like this was about to be one of those rare occurrences.
"Yes, I do," she answered. This did not appear to be the answer he was looking for. "Why don't you?" she asked. He looked up at her.
"Because she's… we know she has telepathic abilities. How do we know she's not already using them against us? Maybe she's been manipulating your mind the entire time you've known her. How can you just trust her word that she won't or can't?" he argued. Laura smiled almost patronizingly.
"Because I know my own mind. I won't tell you it was easy to trust her, Bill. You know that I was against her from the beginning, but she's proven her loyalty to me, much the same way Sharon proved hers to you."
"But we know what Sharon is. We know what she's capable of. She's… more human," he said. Laura raised a brow again.
"More human? Sharon is a synthetic being. Kestra is more human than she is."
"So she says."
"Yes, so she says," Laura said in a clipped tone, "And I believe her." Bill frowned and looked at the floor.
"She was in my head," he said softly.
"She was in mine too," Laura said, "and I haven't felt like that since it happened. She hasn't been in my head since, nor has she been in yours… or Lee's. Not without our permission." Bill looked up.
"How do you know that?"
"Because she told me," Laura said. Bill grunted in indignation. "Well has she?" Laura challenged.
"No," Bill answered, "but the possibility will always be there."
"And there's always a possibility that Sharon will grab a gun and shoot you in the chest again."
"She wouldn't."
"How do you know that?"
"She's changed."
"You know that? Because she told you?" They stared at each other in intense silence. Bill's brows twitched as an outward indication of the turmoil within him. "You see, Bill. We all have uncertainties we have to deal with, but at some point it simply comes down to trust. I've chosen to trust Kestra, and she's given me no reason to regret that decision. In fact, my life has been richer with her in it. She's a very pleasant girl and a loyal friend. It's nice to have someone who values me as Laura Roslin over the President of the Colonies," she said. Bill's face shifted and his eyes filled with sadness.
"People don't think that," he said. Laura shook her head with a rueful smile.
"The people of this fleet need a president, even you. They don't need Laura Roslin," she said. Bill shook his head.
"You should give yourself more credit," he said, "a lot of people like you."
"And a lot of people wouldn't give me the time of day if I wasn't the president either. All I'm saying is, Kestra doesn't address me as Madam President. She never tries to use me to get ahead in the fleet or manipulate my authority. When I see Kestra I can relax and be myself. She cares what happens to me, and not just if I can get the fleet to Earth, but she cares that I'm alive and happy at the end of it. I know you don't like her Bill, but don't judge her too harshly. I think you should give her a chance," she said. Bill shrugged and sat back in his seat. Laura could see that she wouldn't get anything more out of Bill today. "Was there anything else, Admiral?" she asked. Bill looked surprised at the question.
"No," he said, recovering quickly, "no that's it."
"Alright," she said, getting up, "I hope you won't mind if I stay aboard Galactica a while longer. I was hoping to visit Kestra before I left."
"Of course," Bill said as he stood with her.
"Goodbye, Admiral," she said, holding out her hand.
"Goodbye, Madam President," he said. Laura nodded and turned to the door. "And Laura," Bill's voice stopped her in the doorway. She turned and raised a brow. He paused as he decided what to say. "Take care of yourself," he said in what sounded like resignation. Laura smiled sadly.
"You too Bill." She left before he could respond. She made her way down the corridor and found she didn't have enough time to process that interaction before reaching Kestra's quarters. She was still thinking about Bill's stubbornness and the way he'd acted when she implied that he only saw her as the president when she stopped in front of the door. She realized that she'd spent an awkward amount of time in front of the door and promptly knocked. The door swung open almost immediately. Kestra stood on the other side with a baby in her arms.
"Laura, come in," she said happily. Laura accepted the invitation and entered the room.
"Hello Kestra. Who's this?" she asked. Kestra smiled down at the baby.
"This is Nicky, Cally and Galen's son. They work weird hours and the daycare isn't always available, so I watch him from time to time," she said as she laid Nick down on the bed. "How have you been? It's been a while since I've seen you." Kestra gestured to one of the chairs by the desk. Laura sat and sighed.
"Just getting back into the swing of bureaucracy," she said. Kestra grimaced.
"Sounds thrilling," she said sarcastically. Laura chuckled lightly.
"I'd almost forgotten how irritating politicians can be, not to mention the military," Laura said.
"Military?" Kestra asked, "did you and the Admiral get into a fight?"
"No, he's just… obstinate," Laura complained.
"I see," Kestra said with a smirk. Laura caught the look and waved her off.
"Oh, stop it."
"Honestly, I don't get what you see in him. He is so stubborn, and I've dealt with stubbornness, but that man won't even admit his own mistakes. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was the robot and not the cylons," Kestra said exasperatedly.
"Kestra!" Laura said, shocked, "don't even joke about that."
"It's not a joke. I don't think I've ever seen him express any feelings. Joy, sadness, remorse, these are things that make humans human. He doesn't have any of them."
"Bill Adama is a very private man. He would never reveal his feelings to anyone, much less to someone he didn't think he could trust," Laura argued.
"I don't even think he thinks I'm a threat. I think he's just afraid to be wrong about me. If he continues to say I'm a threat then any mistake I make is fair game for him to blame on the evil alien. Laura I can't live the rest of my life afraid of his judgement. It's so hypocritical," Kestra said. She had raised her voice and now Nicky was crying on the bed. Kestra let out an exasperated sigh and rushed over to pick him up. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, Nicky. I didn't mean to upset you." She bounced him up and down and met Laura's eyes. "That's what you argued about isn't it? Me? Is he ever going to trust me?" Laura frowned thoughtfully.
"I don't know," she said honestly, "but I can't believe he'd try to get rid of you now, especially given your relationship with his son."
"My relationship with his son is exactly why I think he'd do it. He tried to get me to call off the wedding, and he hasn't been any kinder since it happened." Laura shrugged.
"He's trying to do what he thinks is right, Kestra. Bill has to make a lot of tough decisions and usually with very little support. Please don't judge him too harshly," she said.
"Could you tell him that?" Kestra asked sarcastically.
"Actually I did," Laura replied in kind. Kestra looked at Laura sheepishly.
"I'm sorry, Laura. I don't mean to try to pit you against him. It's frustrating that the two people I love most love the person in the fleet who hates me the most," Kestra said as she plopped down on the edge of the bed.
"Love?" Laura asked, shocked.
"Of course I love you, Laura," Kestra replied quickly. Laura shook her head and stuttered. Kestra smirked, realizing it was not her love Laura was questioning. "I've seen you interact with a lot of people in this fleet, but you don't care for any of them the way you care for Bill Adama. I know you don't want to call it love, but from where I'm standing that's what it looks like."
"It's not… love. I have great respect for Bill, and he's a valued friend. Love is… it's not," Laura corrected. Kestra sighed.
"Laura," she said with pity, "you can love someone without being in love with them. Like the way I love you. It's not the way I love Lee, but I still love you." Laura's eyes glazed slightly with tears but she blinked them back.
"I just… thank you," Laura said, "but I can't worry about what I feel or don't feel right now. I have to focus on finding Earth." Kestra frowned.
"Life will go one after you find Earth. Don't be afraid to love, Laura. You'll just make yourself miserable, and you won't be the only one you're hurting," she said. Laura's brows rose, and she let out a sharp breath.
"I have to go," she said quickly. Kestra smiled sadly.
"Okay," she said, "I'll see you later?" Laura nodded and forced a smile.
"Later," she said steadily, more to herself than Kestra. With that Laura wandered out of the room leaving Kestra both sad and worried for her friend. She hated to see Laura so upset and she also hated when Laura put the needs of the fleet before her own happiness. Bill Adama's stubborn hatred was repulsive to Kestra and she found it difficult to see what Laura saw in the man. She'd found many of the attitudes of the men in this fleet to be off putting in their ever present need for honor and or power, not to mention their hatred for the cylons. Even Lee could not find it in his heart to forgive the cylons. Kestra simply couldn't fathom how these humans could be so against the cylons when they shared so many of the same flaws. The more she learned about the human-cylon war, the more she thought it was a hopeless cycle of vengeance that no one could win.
