"Lee, you can't be serious. You'd condemn an entire race to death for what… revenge?" she asked angrily. Lee shook his head as he stormed across the room.
"Yes. The cylons will be a threat as long as they exist. I'm saving the future of the human race," he said.
"You can't just kill them all. They're not just robots or soldiers, Lee. They're living beings."
"Kestra, they committed genocide against my people. I know you don't understand that, but let me assure you, everyone else in this fleet does."
"I understand that, Lee. What I don't understand is how you can do the same thing to them without realizing how hypocritical you're being," Kestra said as she crossed over to him and forced him to look into her eyes."
"You're sounding pretty hypocritical yourself for someone who helped kill cylons on New Caprica," he spat. She was speechless for a moment, staring at him with wide eyes. Her actions on New Caprica haunted her still, and she'd not felt comfortable sharing them with anyone, not even Lee. Her shock was quickly replaced by anger as she gritted her teeth.
"We were in immediate danger on New Caprica. You want to seek them out to wipe out their entire species," she spat.
"They're not a species. They are things. We made them, and it's up to us to fix that mistake."
"They are sentient beings," Kestra shouted, "They have independent thoughts and feelings. You can't just kill them with no regard for their existence. If you do this you are no better than the cylons who killed your people."
"Yes I am, because the cylons attacked us first," Lee argued.
"Do you even realize how childish you sound," Kestra shouted back, "I may not have grown up in the colonies, but I know the histories. Humans made cylons to serve them. It was your selfishness and greed that caused the cylons to rebel in the first place, because you wouldn't acknowledge their sentience. Their existence wasn't a mistake, it was your own faults that drove them to attack you. You work with Sharon every day, so don't you dare tell me they're just robots." Lee seemed momentarily stumped at the mention of Sharon.
"Sharon is different. She chose to fight against her people," Lee said. Kestra rolled her eyes.
"And if Sharon chose that it is entirely possible for other cylons to make that same decision," Kestra reasoned, "you and everyone else in this fleet are too bitter to realize that the cylons are just like you. You've done terrible things as a race, and some of you are truly despicable…"
"It's not the same," Lee challenged.
"Who killed Jammer?" she shouted. This brought Lee's arguments to a halt. "Who killed Jammer and the twelve others that went missing?"
"How do you…" Lee stuttered.
"I have friends in power too, Lee. I know the colonists made a jury to carry out summary executions against perceived war criminals."
"They were traitors," Lee responded coldly. Kestra balked at his response.
"They were frightened. Everyone on New Caprica was put in an impossible situation, and everyone did what they had to do."
"And the jury did what they had to do."
"No, what they did was despicable. They didn't give Jammer a chance to defend himself. They decided he was guilty and killed him in cold blood. They're the monsters, not the cylons."
"In war, people have to do terrible things."
"Not that."
"You wanna know who killed Jammer? It was your friends," Lee shouted, "you'll stand here and call them monsters when they're the very people you love and trust. Seelix, Galen, Barolay, Sam, Colonel Tigh, those are your monsters. Jammer was their friend too, but sometimes you have to make tough decisions for the greater good." Kestra faltered as Lee spoke the names of the members of the tribunal. She couldn't believe her friends had murdered all those people. She'd believe it of Tigh, but not the others. Not Sam. She tried to control her breathing as she reached up and found tears were streaming down her cheeks. Lee took this opportunity to approach her and place his hands on her shoulders. "None of that matters, Kestra. I know you think this is all a matter of right and wrong," he said, running his hands up and down her arms, "but this is about survival. We have to protect the fleet." Kestra searched his eyes, but they betrayed no doubt in his conviction. He truly believed killing the cylons, killing traitors, was the only way to save humanity.
Some things are worth more than survival.
Lee frowned. He furrowed his brow and glanced around the room in exasperation. His eyes met hers once more.
Not this.
They held each other's gaze, each expressing their disappointment in the other. Kestra shook her head and pulled away from his reach.
"I have to go," she said, turning on her heel toward the door. She couldn't begin to process Lee's plans for the cylons, much less her friends' participation in the executions of their own crewmates. She made it out into the hallway before being stopped by Lee's voice.
Kestra, please.
She stopped in her tracks. He'd stayed in the room. She didn't know if she wanted him to follow her or not. She had lost faith that she could ever change his mind, but she couldn't just stand by and watch him kill an entire race. She didn't know if she could ever face him again if he went through with it. The hallway around her remained silent, so she quickly resumed walking away from her quarters and Lee. She walked with no clear destination in mind and found herself at the wall of pictures of the fallen. She let her eyes wander over the faces that covered the wall until they fell upon a familiar face. She froze on the spot, unable to speak or even speak or run away. Her eyes shifted to the picture he was looking at. It was a picture of Duck and Nora. Kestra smiled sadly as she remembered the couple. Nora had been a good friend, as had Duck. It was terrible the way both of them had died, regardless of the reasoning or blame behind them.
"Maybe this will make it worth it," Sam said softly. Kestra's eyes snapped back to his face, and she realized he was now looking at her. "Everything we did on New Caprica. None of it mattered, but this… this means something. This time they'll stay dead." Sam had turned back to the picture on the wall. Kestra frowned. She should have known he'd feel the same way as Lee. Looking back at the board, she had no doubt that Duck would have shared the sentiment as well. She remembered Duck after Nora had died, the hatred that consumed him and led to his own demise. Duck had chosen to die. Walked into it willingly. She looked into Sam's eyes and imagined Jammer pleading for his life from those same cold eyes, devoid of pity or mercy.
"Is it true, Sam?" she asked shakily. Sam's brow furrowed and the hardness in his eyes dissolved into concern. Tears sprung to Kestra's eyes as she watched the soldier before her become the friend she knew. It was like he was two different people.
"Is what true?" A silence settled over the corridor.
"Jammer," she replied. Sam's eyes went wide and she could see the regret buried there.
"I didn't… someone had to…" Sam stuttered, unable to find the words to defend himself. Kestra let her tears streak down her face as she backed away from Sam. "He was working with the cylons. They all were."
"So it was your job to punish them?" she asked in a choked voice.
"It was justice," he said weakly.
"No," she said, "justice was Laura granting a general pardon. Justice is understanding that everyone was put in a terrible position on New Caprica and not punishing them for their fear."
"We were all scared, Kestra. But working for the cylons? That's unforgivable," he spat.
"You think he wanted to work for the cylons?" she said, tears still freely falling down her cheeks, "people were disappearing and his world was in chaos, and what did you give him? Hiding in the shadows and exacting futile attacks against an unbeatable foe. They gave him a chance to restore order and bring peace."
"The New Caprica police pulled innocent people out of their beds in the middle of the night. They're the ones that caused the disappearances," Sam shouted.
"He didn't know," Kestra said softly, "nobody had a good solution. He did what he thought was best just like you did."
"I didn't betray my people." Sam shook with rage.
"Didn't you?" she asked, still soft and calm, "who sent Duck on a suicide mission?" Sam's anger vanished and Kestra saw the guilt return to his eyes.
"Duck made his choice," Sam said weakly.
"And the people in the market?" Did they choose to die?" Sam ducked his head in shame, but Kestra was not prepared to let him off the hook yet. "Your hatred of the cylons has turned you against your own people. You're so desperate for someone to blame for New Caprica and what happened to Kara that you're killing your friends." Sam's brows shot up.
"This isn't about Kara," he argued defensively.
"Yes it is," Kestra continued, "you couldn't help Kara down on New Caprica and it's tearing you apart. You need someone to blame for the fact that your wife won't even talk to you any more, or for the people who died down there, or for the helplessness you feel because no one needs a pyramid player during a war. You have to have somebody to punish and the cylons aren't here so you're turning on your friends. If you keep killing each other the cylons won't have to wipe out your race. You'll do it for them. There are no answers Sam. There's nobody to blame because the people and the cylons who started this war are all dead. You're all fighting over things that happened in the past and you're all too stubborn, and prideful, and full of shit to realize that you're not enemies. You and the cylons are cancers to yourselves and each other and if you can't leave each other alone then you're gonna have to figure out how to work together or you'll all end up dead." Sam's eyes were wide when Kestra finally stopped shouting. She had completely ignored the tears she had shed and the rapid breathing that was now the only sound that filled the corridor as she attempted to calm herself. Sam gawked in shock as she stood before him, her words still ringing in his ears. Finally, he found his voice and attempted to argue.
"We're not the ones that started this. You were there on New Caprica. The cylons are not interested in ending this peacefully," he said much less certainly than he intended.
"Somebody has to be," Kestra said patronizingly. She was done trying to understand Sam and Lee and their incessant need to blame the cylons for all their problems.
"It sure as hell isn't gonna be me. Not after Caprica, and the occupation, and what they did to Kara," Sam said, raising his voice in anger now, "the time for peace is long gone."
"Then you're all going to die," Kestra said plainly. Sam looked taken aback at first, but he quickly recovered his composure.
"Then we'll take as many cylons as we can down with us," he spat. Kestra stared at Sam intently, but her face did not betray any emotion he could pick up on. Sam's last statement said it all. This wasn't about survival as much as Lee wanted to believe it. This war was about vengeance. The soldiers fighting didn't care about saving humanity. All they wanted was to kill as many cylons as they could with whatever time and power they could muster, and it was a losing battle. Kestra sighed, all the fight in her gone. Sam shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of her gaze and the silence that persisted between them.
"I'm sorry, Sam," she said regretfully, "I'm sorry that you've lost so much, and I'm sorry that you couldn't help Kara. But most of all, I'm sorry that you feel the need to hold onto your bitterness so tightly. Fighting the cylons is the only purpose you know now, and it hurts to see you bury your head so deep into your vendetta that you can't even care about the survival of humanity anymore. You don't care about hope, or friendship, or love, and I'm sorry. But I won't stand by and watch you throw away all the good things in your life over a principal. Over a grudge. I can't do this anymore." Her tears had returned, but this time she wiped them away fiercely in an attempt to keep her composure. Sam's jaw had dropped and his eyes only held confusion and concern. Kestra turned to escape down the corridor, but Sam grabbed her by the wrist to stop her.
"Hey," he called, "Kestra, what is going on with you?" Kestra looked back at him with watery eyes.
"You, Sam," she said, "you and Lee, and none of you seeing what this war is doing to you. If you all keep fighting like this there will be no humanity left to save." She tried to leave again, but Sam held firm. He pulled her back so that she faced him and rested his other hand on her shoulder.
"I know this is hard for you, but this is how things have always been with the cylons. I thought you understood that… down on New Caprica-"
"Is that what you want?" she interrupted, "to always be fighting?" Sam sighed.
"No, but we can't stop now. We're fighting because humanity is still here to save."
"No you're not." Sam's brow furrowed.
"I don't know what you want from me, Kestra," he sighed. Kestra reached up to grab his hand that rested on her shoulder.
"I want my friend back," she said, "I want to believe that you were ever my friend at all." Sam opened his mouth to protest when a voice from down the hall interrupted the pair.
"Sam." The pair turned to see Kara standing behind them.
"Kara, what are you doing here?" Sam asked, flustered.
"Looking for you," she said sharply, looking from him to Kestra and back again. He looked at his hand on her shoulder and his other on her wrist and abruptly let go. Kestra's arms lingered in the air momentarily, and a brief moment of guilt flashed across Sam's face.
"CAG cancelled training drills today," Kara said, bringing his attention back to her. Kara looked pointedly at Kestra and for the first time noticed her tear stained face and the redness in her eyes. Any sympathy Kara felt for Kestra was quickly shoved aside with a cold stare. "So I thought I might come find my husband, unless you're busy." Her accusatory gaze returned to Sam who looked dumbstruck between the two. Kestra, fed up with both Sam and Kara, simply started walking down the hall past Kara without a word. Once she had passed Kara, tears began falling once more, and she did not stop even when Sam called her name while she fled down the hall. She made it back to her room, Lee was gone. She closed the door behind her, threw herself down on the bed, and wept.
