"This is gonna be lame," I grumble. This is gonna suck, really.
"Yeah," Craig actually agrees which makes me feel a little better. "Let's not stay long." That's reassuring, at least.
We enter. It's pretty crowded even though Token's house is huge. Jesus. Did everybody come? I glance around. As I scan through faces, it really does appear that way. It looks like even the juniors are here. I guess that makes sense. This isn't a seniors exclusive party and they probably wanna say bye to their friends.
Craig grabs my arm and leads me through, no problem since he can see over the crowd. I can't see where we're going past him and all the people and he stops too abruptly so, I smack into his back when he does.
I peek around him. We've found Token. He greets us. "I'm happy y'all actually came."
"Had to," Craig explains simply. And just like before says, "We won't stay long. We just came to hang out a bit."
Token nods, "Well, while you're here, enjoy yourself! There's beers and drinks in the kitchen."
Craig makes a face. "Yeah… I don't think I'm gonna partake tonight. Gotta drive and shit," he tells him, flashing his keys.
So, Token turns to me. "Want me to grab you a beer?" I have a thought: The last time I drank (when I was with Craig, I mean.), I had a really good time… And maybe, I'll have a good time now, at this party if I drink again. I mean, Craig was right, I didn't die and I never got to go to parties and drink. Shouldn't I get to enjoy it for one night, at least?
"Sure," I say. And Craig and I follow him through the corridor.
Craig leans near my ear. "Why're you asking for a beer? You don't drink."
It annoys me immediately. Craig's the one who pushed me to drink in the first place and now I have to explain myself to him? Obviously, if I asked for a beer, it's because I want to drink tonight. Craig just looks at my face. "I'm only asking!" He defends. "Do you even like beer?" I only had it that time I spit it out at the last party. And now that he mentions it, it was pretty foul from what I remember. But that's been my experience with all alcohol so far…
"Do people drink beer because they like it?" Do people drink because they like it?
Craig chuckles and sighs. "Do you want me to make you something instead?"
I consider his offer. "Like what?"
We make it to the kitchen and Craig tells Token the change of plans. They talk, pulling out red solo cups, liquor, and mixers. Craig just kinda whips something together and hands it to me, more concerned with the conversation being had.
I take a sip. Hm, I can taste the liquor but it's so faint, it's barely there. It's sweet and fruity. I've never had anything like this before. When Craig does notice me again still sipping, he laughs, "You like it?"
I nod, "This tastes like piña colada."
Craig snorts. "It is," he tells me. "I made it sweet. You like sweet things, don't you?" he asks. He's right but him noticing things like that is super embarrassing so I just drink some more. "But, hey, don't drink it too fast, alright?"
I blush, "Shut up." Stupid handsome face. Stupid eyebrows. Just stupid.
Craig and Token continue to talk but they're not talking to me… I guess, I'm not really talking to them either but, it's too loud and there are too many people. Talking would be exhausting because I would have to yell and honestly it's already too tiring to try to listen to everything being said.
So I sit and sip, bored, until Kenny shows up. He greets the other two boys but it doesn't take him long to notice how disengaged I am.
"Hey, Tweek," he sings, dragging out the, 'hey' in the way he does every time he greets me. "How are you?"
"This sucks," I tell him.
Kenny laughs, "How was the ceremony?"
"That sucked too," I say.
Kenny laughs again, a little harder. "You're lucky you got to sit next to Craig, at least. I could hear you two whispering the whole time. I was jealous."
"Weren't you next to Marsh?"
"Honestly," Kenny makes a face and says, "I don't really like Stan."
This gets me to laugh because, "Me either." But I thought Kenny was friends with everyone- No, or maybe I thought Kenny liked everyone. At the very least, I expected him to like his childhood friends.
"He's alright... But there's a reason I don't really fuck with them anymore." Yeah, I don't know how Stan and them are the only kids in our class who seem to have not changed or developed at all. It was noticeable especially since everyone else had matured seemingly drastically. At a certain point, it went beyond dislike and people started avoiding them. It somehow made them grow closer though, I mean that's how it looked. I feel kinda bad for them, I don't think they try to make terrible shit happen. It's like it just follows them. Regardless of if they're cursed or not, nobody's willing to touch it with a 7 foot pole.
"Well, no wonder you're having a bad time. Your cup is empty," Kenny points out.
I hadn't noticed since he was distracting me. I look at the cup and then at Craig. He's still chatting away. I don't wanna disturb him about a drink. He keeps saying how much he's gonna miss the guys and we already talked about how everyone's coming back for Thanksgiving and that's only a few months after everyone leaves anyways. I think that's the only reason he wanted to come. Or I guess that's the whole point of the party, isn't it?
Can't relate. I can't get out of this town fast enough, I think.
"What were you drinking?" Kenny asks.
I shrug and shake my head. "Piña colada?"
Kenny thinks and then he grins. "Want me to make you something?"
"...Just don't make it gross."
He takes my cup, acting offended. "I'm way better at mixing drinks than Craig," Kenny promises me. He starts pouring stuff together like he's making a potion. Craig seemed like he had a method, Kenny looks like he's just throwing in a bit of everything. When he hands it to me finally, I'm apprehensive.
"Are you sure this won't kill me?"
"I said it would taste good," he says. "Not that it wouldn't kill you."
I can't help it when I laugh a little. Fuck, it's that first drink, settling. I cover my face when it happens and then quickly sip the drink to move on.
"This is… good!" I say. It's really good. This one tastes carbonated. Like a soda. There's no alcohol taste at all. I drink some more.
Kenny seems proud. "Right? Isn't it?" Kenny makes himself a drink. "I'm surprised to see you drinking."
"Might as well," I say. "This is so boring otherwise."
"Last time you said you felt sick after one shot," Kenny says.
"Nah, I was just pissed off."
Kenny snickers, "You're hilarious, Tweek. Hands down, one of my favorite people." I don't say anything. Kenny laughs and I just try to hide my smile. He finishes making his own drink and cheers me. Kenny's pretty amazing, if I'm being honest. I thought I would hate him the most but, I realized with Kenny I couldn't lie. Lying was like telling him in a worse way than just telling him. Because then he knew you wanted to hide it and somehow why. Lying gave him more information so I ended up just telling him the truth.
...It's really refreshing. (He and Craig made me realize how much I do lie after all and isn't that so annoying?)
"I don't think it's too bad," Kenny suddenly says. I don't know what he's referring to, at first. "I think almost everyone in our class is here so, if you have something left to say, now's the time. Plus, isn't the sense of community nice?" I roll my eyes. I'll never admit it, but I guess I did think that too.
"If I tell you, you're right, can we talk about something else?"
"I bet you're only saying that because you actually do genuinely agree," he says, seeing right through everything as per usual.
"I do," I tell him, sarcastically.
"You jerk," he says. Probably because like this, I can still manage to confuse him.
Kenny and I keep talking and drinking and before I know it, my cup is empty again. I think it's because I'm talking to Kenny, who seems to be having no problems, I just sort of mirror him in being okay, even if I am bit more abbreviated at this point than I anticipated.
The only thing is that I am starting to feel more comfortable. And talking with Kenny is nice because it's easy. Kenny pours us more drinks and we cheers again. It's difficult to tell if I'm feeling the liquor or I'm just more comfortable because I'm talking to Kenny.
"Wanna see me chug it?" He says. I grin and nod. Kenny starts chugging and I cheer him on enthusiastically, laughing when he chokes and spits some up. I didn't really notice how loud I was being, especially amongst the chaos but then I back into something. I don't even need to glance over my shoulder to know it's Craig. So, I don't glance at him at all. My laughter dies down.
"What's so funny?"
I roll my eyes. "It wouldn't be funny, if we have to explain the joke."
Craig looks at my cup. "How many drinks have you had?"
"Not even that many," I tell him. Did that sound stupid? Why did I say it like that?
"I think you should slow down…" he says.
Why is he acting like this? That other time, he basically peer pressured me into doing it. Now, he's acting like my guardian and like, I'm not allowed to do it at all. And why does him telling me not to, make me want to do it even more? I don't want to think, I just want to keep enjoying myself.
"Why? Nothing even happened."
"I just think you should be careful and not overdo it since you never drink."
"Don't you think I know that?" I tell him. "I haven't had that much and I feel fine!"
"What's the harm in taking a break?"
"Why're you suddenly being so annoying? 'Cause you got jealous I was laughing with Kenny? Laughing doesn't automatically mean I'm drunk. I can laugh too, asshole."
Craig looks like he's been wounded multiple times. "I was just worried."
"About me enjoying myself?" Yeah, and seriously, if Craig's gonna act like I brought my mom to the party with me. I'd rather not be around him, like before when he was talking to Token.
"No, you're right," he says. "I was a little jealous... I'm glad you're having fun." Craig eyes Kenny.
"Seriously," I tell him. "You don't have to worry about me. Hang out with your friends. Let me know when you're ready to leave."
"Fine," he says. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?" I nod and he disappears into the crowd.
Kenny pulls my arm, "Wanna smoke?" I light up and nod again. I definitely prefer smoking weed than drinking. But, doing both is also fun. And I'm officially ditching Craig. Kenny leads me to the back porch. There's no one out here so it's quiet and calm compared to inside. Kenny sparks a joint.
"What was Craig's deal?"
As I suspected, he couldn't hear us over the party. I wish he had. I don't want to explain that Craig was jealous of him. That's so awkward. "Just being his typical asshole-self," I say. Kenny passes the joint. "Last time he got completely shit-faced but, this time I can't even have a few drinks?" This works on Kenny, though. I'm not lying but it's not the entire truth either. "He was so annoying. I'd never get like that even if I was drunk," I tell Kenny and Kenny just agrees with me like, of course. "But, I wouldn't get drunk because I know my limits."
"Sure, sure," he says.
The back door opens and Clyde leans out. When he sees it's us, he comes out and shuts the door to join us. Kenny passes the joint to him. "What're y'all doing?" Clyde eyes Kenny in the same way Craig did and I can't help but chuckle.
"Smoking, chatting," Kenny tells him. "Where have you been?"
"Hosting," Clyde tells him.
"It's not your house," Kenny says back, curiously.
"Yeah, but it's not like it's Token's party. We all threw it together," Clyde says. "I'm just making sure everyone's having a good time. And so far, so good. This party's a banger!" Clyde lets out a loud Woo!
"Yeah," Kenny agrees. "It's one of the best I've been to this year." How lame am I that I can't even enjoy myself at, 'the best party Kenny's been to this year?' I guess I've sort of been having a good time since I've been with Ken but still...
"I'm totally trying to hook up with Bebe tonight," Clyde tells Kenny. "It's been going well too."
"Didn't y'all date before?"
"Yeah," Clyde says. "She was kinda a bitch back then though. She's nicer now. Either way... I'm not trying to date her or anything."
I feel so awkward and embarrassed that I feel awkward. How do I contribute to this conversation? Besides being gay, I just can't help but think Clydes gross for talking about Bebe like that but Kenny's the same so I won't say that. And is that what it's like for straight people? Or are Craig and I a unique case? Even though Craig and I weren't actually dating back then, we didn't see other people. Craig and I have been together for a while, huh? He was just always there.
Casual hook ups... We called it that but... hearing Clyde and Kenny talk, was that ever really what it was?
Why am I thinking about this now? I just don't think I ever really thought of Craig like that. Like something I could discard once I was done. That's how I wanted to be but I don't think I ever genuinely was. I think all the anxiety was because I was realzing how much I actually liked him. Agh, no wonder he was so pissed off. I lead him on all while telling him I didn't even like him!
Before I know it, the joints finished and Kenny's standing. Gross, what am I thinking about?! He and Clyde finish they're conversation and Kenny excuses himself back inside. If I had realized that leaves me with Clyde, I'd have left with him. But I was too distracted with the 'Craig' thoughts.
"Tweek," Clyde greets. I give him a side eye. "What's up with you? Not having a good time?"
"Honestly no," I tell him bluntly. "Smoking's made me too introspective. I keep thinking about stupid shit."
"Heard that," Clyde says and then gets an idea. "Take a shot with me!" Shots... It has been a while(?) since my last drink. It should be fine? "If you drink with me, you gotta dance with me too."
"I don't dance."
"C'mon, it'll be fun. Trust me," he smiles. "Let's do some shots and then let's dance."
"..."
A couple shots later and I'm actually on the dance floor with Clyde and I'm enjoying myself too. What was I worried about before? Who knows? I'm so happy! I'm done with school, I'm getting my own place, and I'm moving the hell out of South Park. I feel great, I'm so happy. I let out a 'woo' similar to the one Clyde did earlier.
Clyde keeps buping into people and every person he bumps into he knows and talks to. How is possible to know that many people? It makes me feel weird for not having one person here to talk to besides Craig and the guys. Soon, Clyde's gone completely. It doesn't bother me too much. I stay dancing by myself until someone grabs my arm.
It freaks me out because my first thought is, This hand's too small to be Craig. And, Who else would be grabbing me?
"Hiya, Tweek!"
"Oh, hey, Butters."
"Boy, it feels like I haven't talked to you since… well, before you came out."
I groan, "Jesus, Butters, I did not, 'come out!' I was outed! And the fact that everyone is treating it like I came out is even worse!"
Butters smiles at my distress. "Sorry…" he says. "But you seem happier now," he tells me. "With Craig," he adds with another smile.
I blush. Kenny's the only one who ever says things like this to me. And it's embarrassing but at least I can be rude with Kenny and ignore him when I need to. With Butters, I'll have to actually have a conversation about it. And this feels really intimate too. Like, Craig might've been right when he said Butters was gay and this is Butters trying to have a, 'moment' with me. That's what this is feeling like. "Yeah…"
"I always thought Craig was kind of a jerk, but when I see you two together, he looks kinda nice."
"No," I say. "He's just a jerk."
Butters laughs, "Where is Craig? I saw you two together at the ceremony."
My face heats up again. Is he talking about when Craig kissed me? Why did everyone see that? He said nobody would care. "Like I said, he was being a jerk so I left him," I tell Butters. "It's okay for him to have a good time and get plastered but if I wanna have a drink or two, he nags me."
"I'm sure he's just concerned."
"Well, he doesn't have to be. I didn't ask for that!"
"Would you really rather him not care?" Butters asks. "If you left him because of that, I'm sure he's even more worried now."
"What a dumb question," I tell him. Either way, it doesn't matter. This is just annoying. "I feel like he's just trying to be annoying." Butters just smiles at me. "What?"
"Nothing," he says. "If it makes you feel better, an old person once told me that only people who are really close fight…" Stupid. I wasn't even thinking about Craig. Where did he go? I shouldn't have ditched him... "I'm happy for you. You seem like a brand new person. I mean, you never used to come to parties. Or talk to anyone really."
"That's... not because of Craig," I try, lamely.
Butters smiles again. "I heard you guys were getting an apartment together."
I try to not show that I'm angry Butters has this information. "Who told you that?" I'm sure it was his mom but I'd like to confirm. Because if it wasn't his mom, that would mean everybody knows.
"My mom," he assures me, seeming to understand my anxiety around the subject.
"Yeah," I say, nonchalantly. "In Denver…"
"That's so cool. I'm going to school but I'll still live at home. I chose the most boring option… But, I was scared. You should invite me to your housewarming party!"
"There probably won't be one," I tell him. "And it's nothing fancy… Just a cheap apartment."
"You guys will have your own place, don't try to minimize how amazing that is! You have to invite me over. I'm gonna miss you when you leave."
"Whatever, Butters. Come over. I don't care. It's really not that big of a deal. Denver's, what? Forty- five minute drive?" I shrug. "I'll have a car soon too so I can get you whenever I'm not busy. I'm sure you'll want to escape your parents any chance you can get." I won't admit actually liking the idea of hanging out with Butters at my own place. Or that I'm already imaging having him over and watching movies while he studies for his college lectures. Or that I'm even looking forward to it.
"You're a good friend, Tweek."
I roll my eyes. Okay, get me out of here… before I do. "It was nice talking, Butters but... I'm gonna go find Craig…" I probably should... How long has it been?
"Alright, I'll see you around." I turn around and head for… I don't know where I'm going. Let's just get out of the crowd first.
…
Hm. Suddenly, I don't feel so good. I'm hot, nauseous, and a bit dizzy. Feeling surrounded isn't helping either. It's like I'm lost at sea. Everyone moving at the same time mimic waves thrashing me about and knocking me over. I feel like I can't breathe.
This is tittering on panic attack territory. I should find a bathroom... I make my way through the people. Nothing is stable as I walk. The bathroom downstairs is occupied so I start to move towards the other one. Then the room tilts and my stomach drops.
I need to find a bathroom, now! All the downstairs ones are probably taken or I'm going to at least assume so to skip checking all of them. I rush upstairs. Wah, c'mon, hurry!
There's someone in this bathroom too. I almost give up right there but the door opens and they step out. I push past them, slamming the door behind me. I'm in such a haste to get to the toilet I trip and have to crawl the rest of the way.
And once I've made it, I just hurl. Thank God. I'm relieved I avoided a disaster but, I suddenly feel awful. I was just having fun, why do I feel so terrible? I throw up again. God, this sucks.
I feel like with every heave, another piece of my soul dies. Forget throwing up, after this, how am I even gonna stand? How am I gonna get out of here? I wanna go home.
Somebody knocks on the door. Fuck, I didn't even lock it. "Hah," I gasp. "It's occupied!"
The door opens anyways and I want to fight but I throw up again instead. Am I about to be harassed or something? This is the worst. I want to die. I'm never drinking again. This is so stupid, I'm so stupid.
When I can manage, I check to see who's entered the bathroom. Once I do, I groan and put my head back in the toilet to continue puking. It's Craig. I don't want to see him right now. But more than that, I don't want him to see me like this.
I hate throwing up. It's gross. And doing it just causes you to do it more because of how revolting the whole act is. And here I am, throwing up in front of Craig. He's gonna think I'm disgusting now. I'm disgusted. I feel lame. How did I let this happen? I feel like a child for not knowing my own limit. I grab the toilet tighter. It feels like every part of me that touches the ceramic burns. I'll never be clean again unless I boil my entire body. Gross, gross, gross!
I think I'm crying but I can't tell. My eyes could be watering from the retching. I'm puking too violently to figure out where Craig is or if he left. I would have.
But then something touches my back. I jump, at first, startled but it's Craig. He rubs up and down and I throw up again. That has to be the last of it but I gag some more.
"Are you okay?" He asks after I've caught my breath and calmed down.
"I feel stupid," I say. My 'first' party was a fail. "And I'm gross." I sniffle but before I can start actually crying. Craig lifts me up and guides me to the sink. He pushes my hair back, grabs a towel from a cabinet and wets it. He starts cleaning me up but it makes me want to cry more. I don't think he was anticipating that. Craig just continues to wipe away the tears. "What're you crying about?" I mean, I was acting like a dick all night because Craig was worried. He was worried... about this exact thing happening and I ran away from him and made it happen. Now, I'm wasted and gross and he's still taking care of me. He didn't even lecture me. Of course. He must really love me.
"I love you too," I fall into his arms sobbing softly.
"Tweek…" Craig doesn't really sound happy and he doesn't hold me back. He always holds me back. He holds me first most of the time actually, so this is quite unfair. And what is his problem? So embarrassing. I'm never doing it first again. "You shouldn't say things like that when you're drunk…" He holds me by my shoulders but he's not hugging me.
I scoff, "Yeah, right... I can't say that… But, it's true! Even if I'm drunk, how could I lie about that?" Craig blushes. I continue with a sudden burst of confidence. "I probably loved you before you loved me-!"
"Fuck, wait a second! Stop talking! I get it!"
"'Cause you always think I'm lying... I don't blame you but.."
"Why are you saying all of this now?"
"Nah, Craig, I get it now. Being drunk doesn't make you say a bunch of nonsense, it just makes it easier to tell the truth." I'm taking advantage. It's so hard for me to say what I'm feeling, I lie by default. It's like a habit, I can't even quit now that I'm trying. "It's so hard to talk to you," I slur. "Some reason it's not right now. It's so easy. What was I worried about? I loved you first but you clearly love me more-"
"Asshole, let me tell you that myself!" I pause and then blink at him expectantly. "What?"
"I'm waiting..."
Craig blushes again. "I'm not saying it now! Try asking again when you're sober."
"But, aren't you sober?" I don't understand.
"You're a piece of shit, you know that?" Craig suddenly insults me. "Of course you don't understand, you're wasted," he says. "Then, tomorrow, you'll probably be mad and blame me too right?" he mutters.
"You're the piece of shit. I told you I love you and you won't even hold me back, prick!"
"Okay," he sighs, pulling me into a proper embrace.
"...Are you really not gonna say it?"
"You really gonna make me say it for the first time to you drunk like this?" he asks. "You're probably not even gonna remember."
"Then… Why's it matter if you just say it."
"Let's go home," he says, ignoring me. "Do you feel better? Are you still sick?"
"I'm not sick but walking sounds like a chore." He smells so good.
"Okay, Tweek, but you're gonna have to walk a little so we can get to the car."
I sigh, heavily. "I can't. I'm not... gonna make it."
"Really? I told you not to drink so fast! Tomorrow, just wait. For once, you fucked up."
"Just-!" I try to push away from him so I can glare at his face. "Fuck. Why are you acting like you can't just carry me? This is why you suck," I say, hitting his chest with my fist, I lose my leverage and end up back in his chest but continue my assault. "Just carry me. I know you can. You've done it before... What the fuck?"
"You want me to carry you out of here? And past everyone downstairs?"
"Sure? I can't do it." I'm literally using him to hold myself up. If he weren't here, I'd still be on the ground.
"When did you become so needy?"
"Carry me! I wanna get home quickly!" I lean into him.
Craig leans away. "When we get back," he says in response to my advances.
"Fine, fine! Then, let's go!" Craig turns around and squats down. I hop onto his back and he hikes me up a bit. "Hey," he says. "Why are you hard?"
"That's why I'm telling you to hurry," I mumble into the back of his neck. What a sexy neck.
I kiss it. "Hey, I said wait-" I start to leave a hickey. "Tweek, we gotta leave the bathroom..." he says. "Please stop kissing my neck." I nip at the faint mark, I've made. "Why are you getting more aggressive? Fuck. T- Time out? Time out. Stop!" I don't and Craig sighs. "You're gonna be so pissed tomorrow…" He kicks the door open and exits with me on his back, making out with his neck.
There's some laughter, some cheers, some, I've been there's... I'm not too bothered. I can't really think about it but if I could I'd probably be thinking something like, I'm not gonna see these people ever again anyways.
I thought we'd just be leaving but Craig stops one more time to say goodbye to Token, Clyde, and Kenny. They're pretty hysterical about the whole thing. Clyde and Kenny are apologetic. Clyde claims he didn't know how much I had to drink when he offered shots. Craig isn't very forgiving. I poke him and call him a party pooper. Then I pinch his cheek and turn to the guys. "Isn't he cute? Craig's so hot." I slump over onto his shoulders, resting my face against his neck. "I love you, Craig. You're sooo great..." I mumble against his skin, quickly losing momentum.
Craig repeats what he said before about me being pissed tomorrow and with that, we finally leave. Craig puts me in the passenger seat and buckles me in. "Such a gentleman." I laugh to myself. And then he starts driving us home.
It's quiet. I glance at him, fidgeting with my hands. He looks troubled. "Craig..."
"Hm."
"Are you mad?"
"Hm," he hums again. "No," he decides. "Now, we're even."
Oh yeah, right, right! I settle back in my seat and close my eyes. "'Kay, good."
"I care more that you're okay," he says. "You might've gotten sick because of your medication. I was really worried when I couldn't find you."
"'M sorry," I pout. "'M an idiot… But, how'd you know I was in the bathroom?"
"Stan said you rushed in after him and he heard you throwing up. He was concerned so, he told me. Plus, by that point, a few people knew I was looking for you."
"That's so nice. You were being nice and I was being a douche."
"Do you always realize it or is this the first time?"
"Why did I do that?" Why did I avoid Craig when he was only worried about me and rightfully so. I had someone who was willing to keep an eye on me and I dodged him all night. "I'm sorry, Craig. I don't know why I did that either. You were only trying to help... You're so great. You-" Craig glances at me. "You smell great too and you look great," I ramble. "You're hair's so soft," And nice to touch and play with. "It's seriously not fair how good you look, actually... Your eyes, your nose, your mouth. Something... should be off. How is everything perfect?" What? I forgot what I was talking about? I kinda forgot I was talking at all... I think I was falling asleep.
Augh, my head hurts. "I'll never drink again."
"I'll hold you to that," Craig says.
I stare at him, driving. He's so sexy. "Craig, I love you..."
Craig lets out a heavy sigh. There he goes looking troubled again. "Tweek, please."
I snicker. Since I'm drunk and Craig's taking care of me, he's in charge but it still feels like I'm the one with the power. "If you don't believe me, I'm just gonna keep saying it."
"It's starting to get hard to not believe you," he admits.
"I really don't understand your doubt. How could I not love you? Wasn't it obvious anyways? Craig, you're such an idiot, I swear." Maybe sometimes I lie, but it seems like everyone else managed to figure it out. Shouldn't it have been the most apparent to Craig?
"Why do you keep saying that it was obvious when you went out of your way to hide it and lie about it?"
"Well, I don't mean to call you stupid but-"
"You just called me an idiot."
"Oh yeah," I snicker. "I just mean- Don't I...?" I gasp, loudly.
"What?!"
"I thought about this earlier, you're totally right." I shake my head. "No, yeah, and even now. I convinced myself again…" Am I crazy? "I'm sorry about that too then!" What does he think? What does Craig think that I think then?
"'Cause, you know, I think you're great… And you're dick is huge."
"Tweek," he snaps. "Shut up!" I only do after getting sidetracked thinking about said dick.
We make it to my house and get out. "I'm fucking exhausted," I tell him.
"Yeah," he agrees. "I could pass out." I stare at him. "What now?"
"If you're just gonna sleep, go home. I don't want to share my bed."
Craig makes a face at me. He pushes me back by my shoulder. It's a small push but it's somehow enough to make me stumble.
"Asshole," he says at the same time as me, but in a voice to mock me. I glare at him, annoyed.
"I just got done taking care of you and now you're gonna use me like I'm some kind of sex toy?"
"Bullshit, when you were drunk I did what you wanted!" I say. "And I shouldn't have to be nice because you weren't." I start unlocking the door. "So, shut up and take your pants off."
"At least I wasn't being a jerk on purpose..."
"Once again, the difference is my reaction now is because of that night Craig so still…"
We quietly head inside and upstairs to my room. I sit Craig down on my bed and straddle his lap. I pull him into a kiss by the back of his neck, playing with the hair there while our tongues intertwine. Then I push him back and slide my hands into his shirt. Craig has such a nice body. I wanna taste him. "Take your shirt off." Craig obeys and I start kissing his neck. I feel up his abs and stop at his chest. Experimentally, I brush his nipple with my thumb. Craig doesn't react much but the little sigh he lets out is enough to set me off. I flush and commit, rubbing his nipple the way he does for me. I kiss down his collar to his other nipple and kiss it. Then I flick my tongue over it and take it in my mouth. This always feels so good when Craig does it to me. Considering this is the first time I've done this to Craig, he clearly doesn't feel it the way I do... I start to realize this is turning me on more than him. How is that if he isn't even feeling it? Nothing's even being done to me... But, Craig's so fucking hot. Especially with his nipples soaked in my saliva. I stop before I have too much fun by myself and continue my trail of kisses down his abs to his happy trail.
"You're so hot." I undo his pants and pull them lower. I pull out his erection and stare at it in awe. Are all guys like this or does Craig just have a really pretty dick? Seriously, is this legal? I put it in my mouth.
Last time I blew him, I totally sucked. I've been doing my own research this time but... What was the problem again?
I'd rather die than let Craig know I'm excited to give him a blowjob.
Yeah, I think I thought something like that. Well... it's too late now! The inner me laughs at the situation. Although I can faintly hear Craig's voice echoing in the back of my mind, telling me how much I'm gonna regret these decisions tomorrow.
I wrap my lips around my teeth and relax my throat. I take it as deep as I can, swirling my tongue around him. Craig grabs my hair and I get goosebumps. I hope he doesn't do what he did last time. It was hot but, I don't want to throw up again.
"Tweek," he says. I hum with him still in my mouth. "Let me do you too." Whoa! That's such a good idea! Craig always has the best ideas. Craig and I start undressing and then I crawl back on top of him in the opposite direction.
Hold up, this position is... really embarrassing... Oh, my God. He can probably see everything like this. To verify this, Craig grabs my ass. Then I feel something hot and wet press into me. "EMMNAH!" Fuck! I immediately buckle. "That's not-! ...What you said you were gonna do!" Not this again. Please. "Nnmm!" It feels so good, it's like I'm melting.
"C'mon, Tweek, I'm the only one working." I try to suck on Craig some more but it's way too difficult trying to remember everything I learned and apply it while Craig's tongue is invading my most sensitive parts. I try again but I can't do anything like this. So I opt for my hand to give Craig something in return. But even that's cursory. "Mm... mm... mmmm... hnnng!" I spasm and then pant.
Ah...
Ah?
Ah! I came from his tongue?! No! And I was so obvious about it too, I can't even play it off! It's cause I'm drunk! It's the drinking! To add insult to injury Craig says, "That was quick." He didn't even touch me! So lame. "Since we're doing it your way," he says, wiping my come off his chest. "How do you want it?"
I'm already getting hard again. God, why's he look like that? Why's he like, glowing? And why's it feel like everything that was too embarrassing to do before, is okay to do now? "We always do it pretty rough," I say. "So this time, let's do it... nicely."
"Nicely?" Craig questions.
"Like soft," I struggle to explain. How are all my adjectives broken? "Sweet." Closer.
"Really?" he says.
Maybe it's 'cause we started dating or Craig's been nicer but my fantasy's lately have been pretty tame. Instead of the 'Master-Craig' I'd always dreamed about, I started getting 'Boyfriend-Craig.' And boyfriend Craig is way nicer sometimes. I think I used to actively avoid stuff like that but now it seems okay to explore. I've always liked the rougher stuff but I think I might've been subconsciously leaning so heavily into it as an excuse to make the sex less intimate. Now, I just wanna feel really, really good and taken care of.
Craig grabs a pillow for me to lay on. I lean against it, getting comfortable. Craig holds himself over me. He reaches into the drawer of my nightstand to pull out the essentials. He douses his fingers and slowly inserts one. I close my eyes tight. My hearts beating so fast it feels like I'll die. "Craig," I reach out to him, pulling him closer so I can kiss him to bear with the embarrassment.
Craig adds a second finger and pushes in deeper. I moan into his mouth. His fingers are so thick and long. His dick is way better but this is a nice build up. I used to hate this but, it feels so damn good when he pulls them out like that.
Craig fingers me until I tell him to hurry up already. If I knew he was waiting for that I wouldn't have let it go on for so long. He puts on the condom and I just watch him over me. It's too hot. Can I die like this? Craig positions himself and pushes into me. If I could I think I'd already be dead.
We huff together, as we get used to it. "It feels so good," I cry, clinging to him.
"It's not even in all the way yet..." he says, pushing further.
"You're... too big..." I say. It's too good. "It's gonna kill me."
"Don't say that," Craig chuckles. "We just started, you can't die yet."
My heart throbs. He's so beautiful. "I love you," I pull him into a kiss and he thrusts the rest of the way in me. "Hnng!"
"It's in," Craig says. I tremble and pant, my head dropping back. I can feel him all the way up to my stomach, pressing against everything inside me. It's so hot and thick. "Are you okay?" He pushes my hair back. "Can I start moving?"
This takes me a bit by surprised. Craig's never like this in bed. Then, I remember we're supposed to do it, 'nicely.' So I wrap my legs around him and say, "Yeah. Do it slowly..."
Craig starts thrusting and I hold onto him tightly. He kisses my neck and shoulder in the spot where he usually bites me. It's trippy. Craig and I do this all the time but it's always so aggressive. Because the experience is so foreign, it feels like we're doing it for the first time. I'm so used to pain that this pure pleasure is just... ecstasy. My head's spinning... I can't breathe right. No, I just can't breathe. It's too good...
"Hah," Craig exhales, loudly. He holds himself above me. I think I was passing out for a second there...
He looks amazing. It's ironic that he's a photographer, he could easily be a model. I watch his face bunch up. Looks like it feels really good... Why do I feel like I never see this? How often am I closing my eyes when we fuck? I missed out... I want to see what Craig's face looks likes when he comes.
Watching Craig's expressions... are turning me on even more. I'm not gonna last long this time either, I estimate. I was sensitive from coming earlier so it feels amazing and the view is not bad. "Does it hurt? You're tensing up," Craig says finally opening his eyes and I'm nowhere near prepared for it. I turn my head to the side, looking away quickly but it's so obvious I was blatantly staring at him... Was I getting tighter? He just looked too good! Craig chuckles and I flush. He leans in, right by my ear. "Did watching my face turn you on?"
I'm so used to Craig's dirty talk, I automatically hear him call me a pervert next but instead Craig says, "That's cute." My heart skips. "You're so beautiful." ...Sweet talk?! It's too much.
"Mmnn! Hah, wait," I bite my lip. "I'm gonna..."
"I love you, Tweek."
A/N
Have y'all been watching the new south park episodes? I'm so happy they got renewed for a season 25. Like I know South Park is forever~ but I did get worried for a second there (we don't talk about "season 24" like sorry but I don't know her lmao.) and I like that they've stopped being so political so I can use it as an escape again. My favorite of the new episodes is Token- pardon me, Tolkien getting more of a storyline. I love when they do callbacks (Especially about the jokes that have aged the worst) and poking fun at them in a meta way.
Also also because I didn't address this when it happened... can y'all believe I've been writing this story so long that creek became canon? I'm not an avid shipper so I can't tell you how ecstatic I am that my ship sailed (:
What a life.
um... I felt like posting this today in the spirit of the holidays. Happy 420 lol. But I'm actually taking a 2 week break now. *
