Chapter 4

RPOV

I had always been so thankful in the past to be returning home from a mission without injury. Maybe it was luck in the past, maybe I'd found the missions easier, because with this last mission luck hadn't been on our side and that had made it all the more difficult to achieve our objective. I'd always preferred the anonymity of being in South America, the language and my looks allowed for that rather than the vastness of somewhere in the Middle East, but not anymore. Targets weren't where they were supposed to be, properties had been empty and when we had hiked for what seemed like miles there had been far more guards than anticipated.

The mission objective, as per usual with any of these missions recently, was to make an important and resourceful man disappear. A politician who had too much power and money through his association within one of the big drug cartels. It was his own government who had resorted to seeking out the help of the American Government, hence why the operation was covert. Our government would use plausible deniability had we been caught.

Once the target was taken care of and his body engulfed in the explosion and fire that we rigged to cover our tracks we knew that we had to get out of there. The shit storm that ensued from that had left me with a knife wound in the gut, okay it had missed anything vital being to my side but moving to our extraction position had been difficult, painful but necessary. Getting to the pickup coordinates had been hard through jungle and swamps, our quickest route if we were to get there on time. One man lost and two of us injured, but thankfully the contents of the medical bags that we had doused the pain and reduced the bleeding. Medics on the transport redressed my wound and gave me the all clear for the inevitable debrief that had to follow any mission. I'd had to spend a couple of days in the presence of the suits, generals and the colonel who had overseen the mission answering their questions and providing photographic proof of our success.

Now back in Trenton, at last, I felt that I could breathe or even relax. No, I would only relax when I could see my Babe and feel her energy encompass me. I sighed as I sat on the couch in my apartment as I realized what I'd just been thinking. Why the hell did I feel the need to do that? A woman who for some reason I always called Babe, Stephanie Plum, could always have my thoughts turn to her. It was illogical really and something that I couldn't get my head round. I could have any woman that I wanted and had in the past, yet she always seemed to come to the front of my mind.

I tried to analyze that as I sat thinking, trying to work out the puzzle of her. I'd met Steph a few years ago when I was setting up Rangeman in Trenton. It had always been a dream of mine to find ways to continue to find that adrenaline rush without being a soldier in the army. To be my own boss in charge of my own life, something that the army never allowed for. I raised the money for my business through continuing a contract with the government to do covert ops and in between found bounty hunting sufficiently stimulating and well paid, especially with the occasion job thrown my way from some of the alphabet agencies. Tank, Santos and Brown had joined me as partners, all of them up for all of the jobs that we took on. Even the redecorating jobs, that didn't pay much but gave us the opportunity to stretch our muscles and have a little fun.

Then Connie from the bonds office had called in a favor that I'd said I owed her for giving me some info on one my FTAs. She'd wanted me to meet up with a new bounty hunter who needed to be shown how it was done. I had no choice as far as I was concerned, I owed Connie so would keep my side of the bargain. I had no expectations really of who would be walking through the door of that diner. No, that wasn't true. I expected some young man who had romanticized the job and was surprised to see the young woman, dressed in a skirt and jacket stumble her way in, and make her way over to me. I was dressed in street clothes so continued with that charade hoping maybe to put her off. How wrong I'd been.

Stephanie Plum had been everything that I didn't know about a woman, and I knew a lot of women. From the gold diggers to the promiscuous and let's not forget the ones who aspired to live in a man's world, like Jeanne Burrows, all hard and disciplined like a soldier but empty of emotion. Steph was an enigma, a puzzle that was presented to me and one that I just had to solve. Even from the start she'd been honest and forthright giving me the reason for why she had to succeed, namely the wreck of a car parked outside and her being broke.

I nearly swore when I'd realized that Vinnie had given her the file for Joe Morelli. I'd refused that one, not wanting to become embroiled with a detective charged with murder. I actually doubted that she had any chance of finding him so gave her advice and a gun, with the offer help if she needed it. When she'd called asking to be released from the cuffs that Morelli had used on her, I was actually in two minds as to whether I would help her. I was convinced that it was a way for her to get me to notice her, so the anger and the way that she had dismissed me only added to the puzzle.

A white girl from the Burg, a working class community of Italians, who were embroiled in traditions and ideas from a past age had me convinced that she was no different. Her involvement with Morelli after she caught him and cleared his name seemed to be her destiny, but the more that I got to know her the wider the puzzle became. She was determined and tenacious, stubborn and resilient yet at the same time intuitive and caring, loving and accepting. I had no experience with a woman like her. Proposing a deal for her to spend the night with me was both the worst decision that I'd ever made and the best. The worst because it only revealed more of her to me. What should have been a quick fuck that would satisfy my curiosity and end my need to solve the puzzle of the woman, only added more facets that intrigued me. The best because I had never experienced such satisfaction before.

She became my new drug of choice and even though the men had been wary of her to start with, they too were soon falling under her spell. The need to keep her safe from all of the situations that she found herself in became my new mantra, even though she pissed me off when she refused to train. I knew that her getting too close to me was a mistake, hadn't Scrogg and Orin highlighted that? Yet she was always so willing to help me, to trust me, that I suppose we fell into an easy friendship with me always being an opportunist. I kept her at arms length on purpose not wanting her to become embroiled with a man like me, basically a mercenary who might not survive and who had done things that would taint the goodness that she carried. Then there was Morelli. I tolerated the man but disliked him, respected him as a detective but not as a man, but acknowledged that he and Steph did have a strange relationship going.

Yet here I was totally focused on thinking about her.

"Ranger, I need to check that wound"

I hadn't even realized that Brown had come into the apartment, so much for me being aware of my surroundings. Lifting my T-shirt I watched as he pulled the dressing away and felt as he prodded around the wound.

"It looks to be healing well but your skin is warmer than I like"

I wasn't sure what he meant by that but submitted to having a thermometer in my mouth while he felt under my jaw and neck.

"It's a bit high. I'll give you some paracetamol and then check again in the morning"

A look at the wound on my gut and I knew that it didn't look infected but I also knew that it hurt like a bitch and would impact on any activity. As soon as Brown had left the apartment it was Ella who came in next and was interrupting me, fussing over me and providing me with a simple meal. She knew that after a hard mission not to provide anything rich, it took time for my digestive system to adapt after the crap that we'd been used to eating from the army rations. I couldn't eat much, either not hungry or maybe the injury was causing problems. After scraping the uneaten rice and vegetables into the bin I was wanting to get out of the building and regardless of what I'd been thinking before knew that I wanted to see Steph. I needed to center myself, because I was feeling unsettled and just being near her had that calming effect on me.

Even being able to do that was taken out of my hands when another knock on my door interrupted me. Opening the door Tank was quick to walk past me and into the room, taking two beers from the fridge before he sat down on the couch. I shook my head when he offered a bottle to me and sat down opposite him wanting to know why he was here.

"Reports. I'm planning some time away so thought I'd get you up to speed before I leave"

I suppose Tank was due some time off, having been left in charge while I was away and as I was back at the helm then knew that I would need to know what had been happening. Doing it now though wasn't what I would have wanted.

"Staffing across the offices"

And so began a breakdown of the workforce for each office that we managed. Men who had left, been recruited, been injured or even reprimanded for violations of protocol. I listened but found it hard to take in everything that he was saying. Hell, he could have just given me a written report for the amount of input needed from me.

"Clients, existing and new contracts"

I may have heard the odd word like number of call outs, false alarms and reaction times but to be honest I was struggling to concentrate. By the time Tank mentioned FTAs I had a throbbing headache and felt nauseous. I held up a hand to Tank wanting him to stop talking while I tried to get myself under control but even as I tried to get up, I knew that someone was wrong. My muscles were aching, and I just didn't seem to have the strength to move and the fact that I was shivering wasn't helping. Sinking back into the chair I wiped my hands down my face and realized just how hot my forehead and face were.

Maybe it was then that Tank realized that I wasn't right because he was soon helping me to stand up and even supported me in getting to the bedroom and laying down on the bed. I felt like shit and was cursing that man who had managed to get a blade past my defenses and into my gut. I was aware of Brown appearing, of being given tablets that were antibiotics and something to reduce my temperature. As the night wore on my condition worsened so by the time that Brown came back in the morning even I knew that something was definitely wrong. I felt like shit and the ache of my muscles had spread to my stomach.

"Hospital"

Was a word that I recognized but also a place that I hated. By late afternoon I was coughing which didn't help with the stomach wound and had started to develop an itchy rash on my skin. After that I really wasn't conscious enough to understand what was happening, beyond the doctor's concern for what was afflicting me. How long I was there or what was happening became a question that I never asked, days and nights seemed to merge into one long period of time. I had no idea of what was happening to me or what other people had to do for me because I was incapable of doing anything for myself. All I can remember for that period of time was that I must have been dying and I had so many thoughts that came and went like dreams. Maybe this was karma for what I had done in my life, for the lives that I had taken in the name of the government.

As I became more aware of the daily comings and goings of medical staff those thoughts turned to regrets. Things that I shouldn't have done, should have done and the inevitable images that came to me of Steph. I suppose that she was one of my biggest regrets, how I had taken her for granted, seen her as a puzzle to solve. She wasn't that and I acknowledged through those short periods of rational thinking that I hadn't treated her well. I'd seen her as a puzzle and sometimes a source of entertainment, someone who could make me smile and yet make me feel alive. I resolved during those times to put things right with her, how I wasn't too sure.

"The test results are showing an improvement Mr Manoso, and I'm pleased to say that what could have been a devastating outcome has been averted'

I looked up to the doctor who was stood next to me totally ignorant of what he was saying. Okay, I knew that I had intravenous tubes running into my arms and until recently one of those tubes that provided additional oxygen under my nose, but I had no idea of what had made me so ill.

"So what was it that caused me to be so ill?"

Because it obviously wasn't a simple infection.

"Leptospirosis"

Okay that had me raising an eyebrow because I had no idea what it was and had never heard of it. Thank heavens Brown understood what I was asking and stepped forward to the other side of my bed.

"Leptospirosis, it's a relatively rare bacterial infection that affects people and animals. It can pass from animals to humans when an unhealed break in the skin comes into contact with water or soil where animal urine is present. You probably picked it up through the wound in your stomach"

"Treatment?"

I asked looking at the tubes running into my arms.

"Intravenous antibiotics and fluids for hydration and essential nutrients"

"Mr Manoso, you have been very ill. Fortunately, we caught it in time before it could have a damaging effect on your organs. You still need to recuperate, to regain your strength and for us to monitor that your organs are working effectively"

I didn't appreciate the idea of staying in the hospital and felt that I could recuperate better at Rangeman. Brown was there so he could keep an eye on me. Those must have been my last thoughts before fatigue swept through me and I was once again sleeping.

Over the next two weeks I know that I slept more than I was awake, I also knew that I'd lost weight and hence muscle. It also gave me the time when I was awake to make some decisions, whether I would remember them when I was back at Rangeman and back into the swing of things was another matter. One decision though was to use this illness as a way of bringing forward the completion of my contract with the government. Having done a lot of research on the laptop, I actually understood how close to death I had been. I didn't want to die like that, I'd never envisioned being taken out by a bacteria, a sniper maybe.

I'd lost two weeks in the hospital and Brown was insistent that once released from the hospital and back at Rangeman I stayed inside the building.

"No going out to do surveillance or to pick up files and definitely no field work. You're weaker than you think and that will need some physio to build up your muscles and hone your reactions again"

I'd only just arrived in my apartment when he'd told me that.

"Light duties, in other words spend a few hours a day working and then rest"

I'd wanted to argue with Brown but seeing Tank and Santos stood behind him I knew that they would be the ones to keep me in line.

"Can I visit family?"

Thinking that if I went to visit my family then I could drop in at Steph's on the way back.

"No. Use a phone Ranger"

I got the feeling that they didn't trust me and maybe they were right. I was annoyed that they were right and that I still had a way to go before I was 100%. Using the phone had never worked for me, I needed to see people's faces to judge what they were thinking but I succumbed to calling my mother. She'd probably know how ill I had been, and I didn't want her to be worried. That was the first thing that I'd done after the three stooges left me alone and was sat on the couch as she answered the phone.

"Buenos dias mami"

"Carlito, Estaba tan preocupado por ti"

I reverted to English for ease as I continued my conversation.

"No need to worry, I'm out of hospital and on the mend"

"When are you coming to see me?"

I knew that she would ask that, she always did and usually I would tell her that I'd be at the next family event.

"I have to recuperate, Bobby's words. I'm not allowed out until I pass his medical and then I'll be over to see you"

I listened as it went quiet, no doubt she was wondering if I was telling her the truth or making up an excuse.

"He said when he phoned that you were in hospital with a bad infection. I just assumed that it wasn't serious when he said that there was no need to visit, but when I called him last night, he said the same. That you needed to rest"

For the first time and probably the last I was thankful for Brown having spoken to my mother.

"I'll be in touch when I can visit"

Relieved I finished the call and was debating whether to call Steph but then realized that I should check with Brown on whether she had called here and what he'd told her. He was the next person to talk to as I found the contact for him.

"Are you okay Ranger, do I need to come up?"

Fuck no, that was last thing that I needed.

"I spoke with my mother"

"Good, she was worried. So what's up?"

I felt awkward asking this and wasn't too sure how Brown would take me for raising it.

"Has Steph called, does she know that I was ill?"

I didn't like the silence that followed my question, surely it was an easy question to answer.

"Well, it turns out that she did call a few weeks ago"

That was news to me, but I was still waiting to hear what else Brown had to say.

"It was just after you'd been taken into hospital, so no one noticed it until after and then forgot all about it"

At least she had called but did Brown get back to her and tell her that I was ill?

"Did she know that I was ill?"

"No, we decided not to worry her. Once you're out and about you'll be able to see her"

I was left sat looking at the phone wondering if it was too late to call her now. Would it have harmed Brown to let her know that I was ill? Then again, I suppose that she would have worried and knowing her she would have been pretty persistent at seeing me. I didn't really have much choice with being confined to the building and didn't want to just talk to her over the phone because I wanted to explain to her face to face why I hadn't been in touch with her.

The first week of my confinement wasn't too bad. I spent time in the gym with Brown going through various routines in order to rebuild my muscle strength. I hadn't realized how tiring that would be, so Brown had been right when he'd said that the afternoon was to sleep. I'd never felt so weak before and I hated it. Maybe I overdid some of the routines and seemed to pay with the exhaustion afterwards. After dinner Tank would be with me giving me paperwork to do, that I needed to catch up with having been away for so long and even that had the tendency to make me feel tired as well. At the end of the week, I realized that my life consisted of exercise, paperwork and sleeping but at least I was starting to see the benefit.

The following week I was allowed on the fifth floor for a couple of hours a day. During that time, I was able to read up on some of the things that had happened here in Trenton. Yeah, I know, Tank had tried to tell me that first night, but I had no memory of what he had said. It did give me the opportunity to find out what Steph had been up to and at least I was consoled with the knowledge that she had being doing okay and hadn't needed any help. I smiled when I realized that she was still driving the same car and that it hadn't died on her, though how she would manage with it when the weather got colder, I wasn't sure. Maybe I could ask Al to see if he could fix the window and heating.

Tank took the vacation time due to him, though I was pretty sure he was just taking the time to relax away from Rangeman. That meant that I was working more from my office for longer hours but by the end of that second week I knew that I needed to get out of the building. My weight had returned, I was physically fitter so as far as I was concerned, I should be okay to leave the building. I checked on where Steph was before leaving the office to discover that her car was sat outside of her apartment, but her bag was at a restaurant out of town. That confused me, enough that I knew that I wouldn't be going out to look for her. What it did do was put me at a loss as to what to do. I had been waiting for weeks just to see her, to touch her and to hear her sweet voice as she welcomed me into her arms.

I slammed my fists down onto the table with sheer frustration at the time that I'd wasted. I should have called her when I was feeling so much better and invited her here to explain my long absence, she would have understood. So now I was considering what to do when my office door opened, and Santos rushed in.

"You okay, I heard a noise?"

I blanked my face and looked at Santos not prepared to tell him why I was so annoyed with myself.

"I'm heading over to Tia's, the family will be there and she'll be thrilled if you surprised her"

Santos's Tia was actually my mother, not that they were actually related. Our parents had lived in the same neighborhood when we were kids and were best of friends so somehow Santos had always referred to my mother as an aunt and I had done the same with his mother. Considering what Santos had suggested I suppose that I'd wanted to go out so decided why not? At least then it would get my mother off my back, and she wouldn't be constantly trying to call me.

I let Santos drive the Cayenne, not having been in a car for what seemed like an age, and it also meant that he would focus on the road and not start to ask awkward questions as to why I'd seemed annoyed earlier.

The next morning when I woke my mind went back to the visit to my parents. I hadn't realized that it was more than a family gathering and Santos hadn't seemed to think that it was important that I was forewarned. The number of cars had been my first warning though and as we got out of the car it seemed that there was no way to turn around and disappear. I was seen and my mother had immediately appeared at the front door. After a hug that actually felt good, I was led into the house with the usual comments at seeing me. The house and garden had been packed with people and I was feeling very guilty that I had forgotten that it was my younger sister's birthday.

"I bought her some expensive perfume and said that it was from you"

Was whispered to me by my mother. Okay, one disaster had been averted, because I had genuinely forgot.

"I know you would have remembered, but you weren't well. How are you now, you look well?"

"I'm fine Mami, it just took time to recuperate and build my strength back up"

As we had continued to walk through the lounge it looked as though most of the people were gathering in the garden. My sister Sofia had appeared immediately by my side, kissing my cheeks.

"Carlos that perfume is to die for"

I had walked with her over to the table that was covered in glasses and various drinks, refusing the wine but pouring some water into a glass. Turning I had realized that Sofia and I had been surrounded by her friends. I'd groaned inwardly as I'd looked for a way to escape, seeing Santos grinning at me from the far side of the garden. Yeah, he knew how Sofia was so keen to set me up with one of her friends. It wasn't that some of them weren't beautiful women, but as I'd looked at each of them in turn, I knew that I'd had no interest. I knew one of them from a previous encounter when she had been as willing as me to make the most of a rendezvous at a local motel. For me it had been an opportunity too good to miss, but I had always made myself clear that it was for the sex only, leaving her a couple of hours later.

The last time that had happened had been nearly a year ago and yet there she was again. She was sexy and promiscuous and from the way that she had looked at me she'd looked ready to pounce. Hell, I couldn't even remember her name. As Sofia and her friends had turned to each other to chat, I'd become aware of the woman next to me, which had me looking for a way to escape without causing a scene

"I haven't seen you for ages Carlos. Maybe we should get reacquainted?"

Was purred to me against my ear. I'd moved away slightly, aware of how some of the other women were watching us.

"I told Sofia that we had a thing going which was why she invited me, but we can disappear for an hour or two. No one would miss us"

Maybe a lifetime ago I would have taken her up on her suggestion, but I'd had no interest, strange really because I'd experienced a few dry months and was sure ready to find a release, just not with her.

"I don't think so. I don't do repeat performances"

Even having said that didn't seem to deter her as she had moved closer to me, almost touching my body.

"I called, maybe you didn't get my message"

I'd got the message and had immediately blocked her number knowing how women like her worked. She'd be relentless in how she pursued me hoping to wear me down. Well, that wasn't going to be happening. As I'd looked down at her I could understand why I had made a play for her, her long dark, straight hair falling perfectly around a face that was immaculately made up. Brown eyes that had looked at me through long thick lashes and a voice that was seductive. The thing was that I'd had no reaction at all to how close she was to me, no twitching that prewarned of an arousal or even a desire to touch that smooth dark skin.

A quick exit had been needed, so I'd side stepped her before she thought that she was going to get lucky and turning my back on her had sought out other company. I'd spied my father sat in the one of the chairs on his own, watching the people around him, so had gone to sit next to him. The sound of a chuckle from him had me looking at him and wondering what he had thought was so funny.

"Surprised to see you next to me with an attractive woman making a play for you"

I'd raised an eyebrow not wanting to ask why he'd said that because he'd obviously been watching.

"In my day that wouldn't have happened with me, I'd have taken the opportunity to disappear for a few hours of fun, well that is until I met your mother"

I'd followed his gaze to see what had his attention to notice that it must have been my mother who he was looking at. She'd looked good as she stood there chatting with my older brother. In some ways she seemed to have defied age with her looks and figure though there were signs of grey creeping into her hair that was held in a roll at the back of her head.

"Nearly didn't happen between us until I woke up one morning and realized that I couldn't live without her. It crept up on me, that woman was so different to any that I'd known before, and I was totally captivated with her. You'll find that woman for you, the one that draws you to her. Maybe it might seem illogical, but I believe in the idea of a soulmate, and I found mine with your mother"

My father had never before spoken to me about women before, let alone my mother. Though watching as my mother had turned around and smiled at my father, I'd seen that connection between them. I knew from my sisters that my mother had nearly written my father off as someone who wasn't interested. It seemed that she was the one who gave advice to them on matters of the heart, especially as all three of my sisters were now happily married.

I'd rested my elbows on my knees as I'd considered what he'd said, because I could never see myself committed to a woman; it had never been a part of my life plan. Marrying Rachel at such a young age had shown me that, even though I did it because of her being pregnant, I'd never felt anything for her. Being deployed overseas had deepened the rift between us and her wanting a divorce to marry another man had been a godsend for me. Julie, well at the time it seemed sensible to cut all ties, to allow her to believe that Ron was her father.

That hadn't been easy to do as I'd found out later and the need to ensure some financial stability and her safety had become important to me, maybe even getting to know her. That tie to me had been a catalyst after Scrogg had decided that he wanted my life, including Julie and Steph. We'd started to build bridges now, much to Rachel's annoyance, and maybe as she grew up, we could find a way to develop that understanding between us. I'd move heaven and earth to protect her now.

No, a woman had never been a part of how I saw myself. The work that called me to venture into dangerous situations could have killed me or left me physically damaged. I'd once said to Steph that physically I was normal but mentally and sexually not so much. I carried too many demons that had the habit of rising from the depths of hell both physically, like Orin, or mentally when dreams would haunt me. Sexually, I suppose that I'd taken advantage of being able to bed any woman that I'd set my sights on, all for my own release, one night stands with no strings attached, though I did make sure that they were well pleasured.

"Will you be going away again now that you've recovered?"

I'd turned surprised at what my father had asked. Both of my parents knew that I did work for the government, and I suppose that whilst they never asked me about it, they had some idea of what it involved.

"No. I always thought that it would be a bullet that would finish me off or cause an injury that would put me out of commission, not some damn bacteria. The doctors were worried about organ damage but were sure that there were no issues, but I took the opportunity to relinquish my contract"

"Good. Your mother will be relieved to hear that, she worries about you"

I'd nodded my head and started to see that people were moving toward a table where food was being laid out.

"Time to eat papi"

The rest of the evening had been a mixture of watching the people around me, avoiding that woman and talking with family. Seeing as there were a lot of young children attending, the evening had finished relatively early, so I was back at Rangeman before midnight. Of course, I couldn't resist the temptation to see where Steph was and had to admit that I was pleased that she was back at her apartment.