Chapter 16
As I started to replace my hat and picked up my glasses and bag, that was when I felt it, that tingle down my neck that once upon a time I looked forward to. Now? I wasn't sure what to think other than I had to hold out against him before I fell down the rabbit hole and never came out. I rolled the chair back and turned it to see Ranger leant against a bookcase with an open book in his hand. To anyone looking at him they would think that he was looking through the book, but I knew better, and I couldn't help but smile at what I was seeing. He was obviously watching me because he replaced the book on the shelf and started to walk toward me.
Even here in Milan he still wore black, black jeans with a black T-shirt that only emphasized what I'd been missing, the contour of his body and muscles that taunted me. To me he was still the most handsome man that I had ever known, even with the shadow from not shaving over his face. His hair was loose begging for someone to tease their fingers through it. I struggled not to stand up and walk over to him, the pull from him was so strong but my words that I'd told myself came back at me, as though chastising myself for even thinking of being so weak in his presence.
I watched and waited as he approached me and for the first time since I'd known him, he seemed hesitant as he reached me, maybe he was expecting me to run and boy, I was tempted. Too much had happened between us for me to do that and I had a lot of questions, like why he was here following me.
"Babe"
That one word wasn't cutting it for me, but I didn't have the confidence to look at him, if I looked into his eyes, I knew I would be pulled into his force field.
"Ranger"
Seemed as good a way as any to respond to him.
"Would you have dinner with me, please?"
That was when I did look up because I was totally surprised with what he'd asked me. I mean since when did Ranger ask me to have dinner with him? Scratch that, he had always asked me that and then invited me up to his apartment at Rangeman. Here though, it seemed out of context and him saying please?
"Why?"
A question that was asking him so many things. Why ask me to have dinner with him, why was he even here?
"Because I have some explaining to do and apologies to make"
Maybe I had been right all along, and Ranger was here to ask me for something, could he be working a job in the area? I had to admit that I had never even considered that he might be in Europe when he went into the wind. So was it just a coincidence that we happened to both be in the same city? And where did that leave me? I could never refuse to help him but if I did, what would it cost me?
"Okay"
I answered because at the end of the day if he was asking me for help then it must be important. As I stood up, I felt his hand at my back, the feel sending pleasurable pulses down my back so I squared my shoulders pretending that he couldn't affect me. Who was I kidding? I was surprised when he guided me to the back of the shop and out through a rear exit. Why was I not surprised that we walked over to a black SUV? At least the windows were tinted black so no one would be able to see me. It did make me wonder where the hell he was going to be taking me.
As usual Ranger was quiet as he drove, in his zone, and as usual ever aware of the cars around us. Me, I was actually glad to be out of the city and as the landscape changed was enthralled with the views. From an area that seemed flat with no apparent landmarks I started to see glimpses of mountains through the trees. I wound down the window a bit and took off the stupid hat feeling the air blowing through my hair. I hadn't realized how much just driving seemed to have me feeling more relaxed. Or was it because I was with Ranger, hell I hoped not.
I suppose we must have driven for maybe an hour before we were turning off the road onto a narrower one. We passed by houses that almost seemed to be growing from the hillside before more buildings told me that we were coming into a village. At the end of that road, I was spellbound with the sight in front of me, a beautiful lake that looked so clear and calm, the reflection of mountains behind it producing a mirror image. I couldn't take my eyes from the water as we drove alongside it and was so excited when we pulled into a parking lot beside what looked like a restaurant.
As my window slowly rose, I was aware that Ranger was opening my door and offering his hand to me. Maybe it was reflex because I took it without even thinking, then pulled away as that old feeling of attraction skittered through me. Why did Ranger have to affect me so much? He led me to a table inside, in a large sunroom that overlooked the lake. For the first time that I'd ever been anywhere with him, he sat next to me so that we were facing the lake. I have to admit that I was slightly confused that we hadn't been shown to a table and that was when I saw the small sign sat in front of me.
"Did you arrange this?"
"Yes. I hoped that you'd give me an opportunity to bring you here"
Oh boy, was I that predictable that he knew that I couldn't refuse him? Probably, but that didn't mean that I was going to fall into old patterns of behavior.
"What did you need to explain to me?"
Because to me that would give me some idea of what this was about and why he needed to talk to me. I watched Ranger as I asked him that and as he sat back in his chair. It was as though he didn't know what to say.
"When I got back from that last job, I knew that I had an injury to recover from. It was a bad mission and took us into areas that we weren't prepared for. I so wanted to see you Babe"
I couldn't help it, my hand went to his as he told me that, why hadn't he told me?
"I was weak as it was, and Bobby thought that the wound was infected but that wasn't it. I'd picked up a rare bacterial infection and ended up in a private hospital. I was pretty ill. By the time I was back at Rangeman, well work took over. Tank took vacation time that was owed, and I suppose that I felt that too much time had passed for me to suddenly turn up and see you"
A feeling of guilt overcame me as everything that I'd thought overwhelmed me. I knew that I wasn't prepared to continue sleeping with him because for me it just muddied the waters for me, made me feel things that I knew could never happen. I'd overlooked one very important thing, we were friends, we trusted each other and helped each other out and now I knew that it was me that had let him down.
"Why didn't the guys let me know?"
And there was the Ranger that I knew, an eyebrow raised as though I'd asked a stupid question.
"They didn't want to worry you and they knew that you wouldn't let them be until you had your answers"
Probably true. That had always been what I'd done. When he was shot by Scrogg I wouldn't leave the hospital until I knew that he'd be alright and then went to see him as soon as I knew that he was back at Rangeman.
"You were managing your skips and hadn't asked for any help so none of the men had seen you. Then news came out that you were marrying Morelli, you and he disappeared from town and your mother was rumored to be planning a wedding"
I knew things had happened so quickly after Joe had proposed to me and I suppose that the gossip would have been rife. That Ranger had heard the rumors of my engagement to Joe annoyed me. Why could I never live my life without other people trying to nosey into it and compounding the stories with lies. I'd never considered that the both of us being out of town would look like we'd left together. As for my mother, that was her, her way of trying to take over in the hope that maybe I'd change my mind. She was always so keen for me to marry and take on the role of a housewife. I felt the tears come to my eyes as I shook my head regretting not talking to Ranger when I could have. He would never have forced me to change my mind or even taken advantage of me. He would have listened to me because that was who he was, he had always respected my decisions. I felt his thumb on my cheeks wiping the tears away before he continued his side of the story.
"Morelli came back and didn't deny any of the rumors, but all anyone seemed to know was that you and your father had attended a family wedding. When he was seen with other women, I was so worried that you wouldn't come back, that you'd found a niche that didn't have me in it. I looked everywhere for you, for where you'd been and even tried to chase up where your father had been when he reappeared ill at the hospital. You certainly managed to disappear without a trace. No movement on your bank accounts, your phone was unavailable and no record of any travel"
I closed my eyes as I realized what people could have assumed. Lula and Connie were the only people that knew that I'd turned Morelli down, but only knew that I was going out of town to a wedding with my father. I never had worked out how to contact them or to be honest even thought about it. So why had he looked for me? I mean, okay, we were good friends but why would he be so concerned that I wasn't in his life anymore? Surely for someone like him me not being around would be easier, no more chasing after me when I got into trouble or feeling that he had to help me.
"I put the word out to any contacts that I had at home and abroad and received a strange anonymous response, the name Scintillante, so I ended up here and eventually at that launch"
I was dumbstruck that Ranger had gone to such lengths to find me, but the same nagging question was at the forefront of my mind. Why? Was it to just to make sure that I was safe and doing okay and that I wasn't wandering the streets totally destitute? What other reason could there be? Him saying that he was worried that I'd found a niche that didn't have him in it was confusing me. The man was totally independent and had always told me that he didn't do relationships, that he was too damaged and that his life didn't lend itself to having anyone close to him because of the danger it would bring. So why was he here now, what did he expect? The situation that Ranger was presenting to me was so confusing but at the same time I knew that I was partly responsible. I'd taken his absence as his way of pushing me away from him and was too much of a coward to confront him, maybe afraid that he would only confirm that he didn't really want me around.
"I'm sorry for so many things. Sorry that I never thought that you couldn't get in touch. I thought that was your way of putting distance between us, weaning me off you and the help that you gave me. Joe did propose but I turned him down. It made me realize that he wasn't the right man for me, that we wanted different things. It was an easy option to just disappear with my father, though how and why we did that is another story. It was an opportunity to rethink my life and what was important. So, what now?"
Ranger had found me and seen that I was doing okay and surviving on my own. I had a good job that wasn't dangerous, I didn't see the break in or Jade trying to kill me as being my fault and I was pretty sure that I had people watching over me, Tomas being one of them. I looked over to Ranger as he sat next to me not sure how I was feeling about being with him again. All of the old emotions were rising to the surface with a ferociousness that was making my heart ache with despair. He was so close and yet so far.
"Being ill in the hospital, well it gave me time to think. I realized that you were the one person who had always been there for me and how much I'd taken you for granted, I said some shitty things that I totally regret now. Even my father could sense that something wasn't quite right with me. The men told me some home truths, how foul tempered I'd been and that I needed to get my head out of my arse. What was there to lose from seeing you. Maybe I was a coward, maybe I just didn't want to admit what had been in front of me all of the time. I told you that I didn't do relationships"
I tried to stop myself from flinching and found that I couldn't move my hand from his tight hold on it. There it was, the whole relationship deal, the whole way that we used each other without getting emotionally involved, the whole reason why I'd stayed here so that I wouldn't fall into that unhealthy behavior that we had. Well, unhealthy for me.
"We're already in a relationship Babe, I just wouldn't admit to it myself. I want you in my life again but this time with a new understanding between us"
I took in a deep breath trying to calm my nerves because for the last hour my emotions had been all over the place. Hope, despair, guilt and loss were all there so hearing what he'd just said to me now added confusion to the list.
"A new understanding?"
What did he mean by that? Because if he thought that I was going to be like some mistress that he would call on when he felt the urge then there was no way that I would allow that to happen.
"That we're honest with each other, try and talk things through. I have never stopped thinking about you and I want you in my life. I want a relationship to work and have laid myself open here. If you want me to leave you alone then I will, but hopefully we can remain friends, for you to know that there's always someone there who'll help you"
Was he actually saying what I'd always dreamed of but never acknowledged could happen? Did he really want to try a relationship with me?
"A relationship. For you and me to talk?"
I smiled at him as I said that because between us that rarely happened, not talking properly about who we were, our wants or desires, our feelings and emotions. Come on this was the man of mystery sat next to me who never gave anything away. I didn't even know his likes or dislikes, well other than his obsession with food and of course safety.
"Yeah talk. So what will it be? Do you want to make a go of it?"
I watched as his expression changed and how a fleeting expression appeared and was suddenly gone from his face.
"Unless you've met someone else?"
"No"
I said quickly to dispel any idea that he might have about that. Okay, I'd met some new men, Enzo sprang to my mind, but there was no connection there.
"There's no one else. In fact, I'd decided that I was off men for a while, I just wasn't prepared to let myself get involved with anyone unless I knew that there was some commitment"
I hadn't meant for that to sound so bitter but maybe he needed to understand just how much he had hurt me.
"I never thought of how I was hurting you Babe. I was being selfish by wanting you but couldn't get over the idea that I wasn't the right man for you, that you deserved better. Will you forgive me for all the crap that I said, trust me when I say that I really need you in my life?"
That would be a hell of a leap of faith on my part
"It was because of you that I jumped at the opportunity to stay here. I needed to cleanse myself of everything Ranger because I told myself that there could never be anything more between us. I missed you"
I hadn't meant to say the last part out loud and was trying to chastise myself for being so weak. Could I trust what he'd said to me, was he being honest with me? I wasn't sure what to think because my heart was betraying me, telling me that I needed to give him this chance and to prove to me that he wouldn't abandon me. At least he couldn't send me back to Joe anymore and he knew that. I felt his arm come around my back and pull me tight to him so wrapped my arms around his waist. Yeah, maybe I had to take a chance on him because I didn't want to spend the rest of my life regretting that I hadn't, to always be thinking of the what ifs.
The waiter must have sensed that we were having a profound discussion but as soon I moved away from Ranger, he was there next to the table, setting down plates in front of us. The meal was delicious and as we ate, I answered the questions that he asked about what had happened since leaving Trenton. I told him about my mother's dislike for relatives that I knew nothing about which enabled me to travel with my father to Italy. Okay maybe I was still a bit unsure of why we had used different passports and Ranger was surprised that my father had Italian passports for the both of us. I described how Allegro had surprised me with the offer of a job, even though I wasn't sure that I was the right person for it. Ranger listened attentively but I could tell that he was annoyed when I told him about the break in at the apartment. I rubbed the side of my arm where I'd had a small bump, glad that it seemed to have disappeared even though there were times when it still felt sensitive.
I felt him stiffen when I described what had happened at the launch with Bria.
"I'm so sorry Babe, I'd left by then. I wanted to give you space to enjoy the evening. You looked so beautiful Babe, don't undersell how exquisite you look and how you have the perfect look for what they wanted"
I felt my face flame up, because I still wasn't sure of that and felt that I needed to try and explain how I felt about Bria. Yeah, I was good at deflecting attention away from me and what he'd said.
"Bria, she'd been a beautiful model. Exactly what you would have expected, long dark straight hair and dark brown eyes. I don't know what happened with her or why Scintillante didn't use her"
"She was jealous of you maybe?"
I heard what Ranger said but for some reason I knew that it was more than that.
"Maybe, but it was what she said to me. I mean she was a successful model so she could have continued to be successful"
"What did she say to you that has you doubting her motives?"
I'd told myself that it didn't matter now, that she'd died and no good would come from trying to work out what she'd meant. Of course, that had never worked with me in the past and letting things go wasn't me, I needed to know what had motivated her. Maybe that trait was something that I needed to control but hadn't I just spent time today trying to find out about her?
"I think that she thought that I wasn't just replacing her as a model. She'd been pregnant but whoever the father had been made her get rid of it, but then he still threw her out. She said that this man didn't do anything unless he got what he wanted, someone he used to do his dirty work, and she wasn't going to let him do what he had planned"
"Do you know who she was talking about?"
"No. I tried to find out something today but there was nothing. It's as if Bria disappeared"
I looked up from an empty plate to see Ranger watching me, as though he knew that there was more for me to add. I could never keep anything from him when he looked at me like that so with a sigh, I repeated what Tania had said to me.
"Tania, one of the girls that worked with me for the show, she knew Bria and well. She told me that something bad must have happened for her to do what she did. That Bria was happy because she'd found a new man"
Ranger never said anything, and it was actually him who changed the topic of conversation.
"Why were you being followed today, do they have a security team for you?"
I suppose Ranger must have seen them, but I'd never felt him near me throughout all of the moves that I'd made to lose them.
"Did you see them?"
"I, err, have some back up with me, just in case I ran into any trouble"
That surprised me. If Ranger had been honest with me then why would he need backup? Did he know something that I didn't?
"Why?"
"Hector couldn't trace the message that came through to me and he was worried that it was a trap, someone taking advantage of me looking for you. He was the one who was watching you. You impressed him but he didn't think that you knew that there was a team tagging you. He may have stopped one of them getting onto a train when you did"
In the past I might have been annoyed at the idea that Hector was watching me but when Ranger said that there had been a team following me, now I was just grateful that Hector had been there. I suppose of any of the men he might be scary, but he always seemed to give my safety a priority. Hadn't it been Hector who had helped me with that skip, Huckby, just suddenly appearing out of nowhere? Thinking it through though, I was annoyed that I had a team following me. Why would they be doing that? Was it to make sure that I was safe? So why not tell me?
"I knew that someone was following me, but not that it was team. I don't know who organized that, maybe Tomas did"
"Tomas?"
Trust Ranger to pick up on the name.
"Yeah, he's been the one to chaperone me around. Maybe I should ask him when I see him"
It was as I was finishing my dessert and Ranger was drinking a coffee that I looked out toward the lake and realized that the day was fading. No one knew where I'd gone or what I was doing, and I wondered if anyone would be concerned with where I was.
"We should be getting back"
Ranger never said anything instead he was attracting the attention of the waiter, I presume so that he could pay the bill. As we walked out to the car, I linked my arm through his, wanting to feel him close to me. Once inside the car and as Ranger started to drive, he took my hand in his, his thumb drawing circles on the top of my hand. Yeah, I was feeling very happy at that moment but the closer we got to Milan the more uneasy I became. I had no idea what would happen now, and Ranger hadn't said anything.
"Maybe I should drop you off away from where you're staying"
I heard the suggestion and to be honest wasn't sure if he was right to do that. Maybe he sensed my unease because his grip on my hand tightened.
"That way you don't need to complicate things by adding me to the mix. It may also give you a feel for who knew that you lost your tail"
I suppose he was right, but it didn't make me feel any easier. Would I be seeing him soon or would he be returning to Trenton, and did he expect me to go back there as well?
"I'll spend the morning researching those names for you, but Hector will be around, then maybe I can take you somewhere in the afternoon"
I smiled at hearing that but there was one small concern that I had.
"I don't have a phone, how can I contact you?"
Ranger paused for a minute before he answered, an answer that to be honest I had already guessed.
"I'll find you and I'll have a phone for you.
Okay, a stupid question because I was sure that it would be him who would be finding me. It only gave us tomorrow though because the day after was when Allegro wanted me to meet with that client. I wasn't sure how long Ranger would be here in Milan or how the work that I had signed up for would keep us apart.
"Are you staying here in Milan because I signed a contract to be involved with a number of shows. I have to work Monday but I'm not sure where"
Which I wasn't looking forward to, though I had no idea why.
"I'm wherever you are Babe"
That had me smiling back at him and for the first time in an age I felt that maybe whatever we had going between us was going to work. Ranger had stopped down a small side street a block away from the apartment, so this was where I needed to get out. As I made a move to open the door Ranger still hadn't let go of my hand and I was suddenly pulled back into my seat. His hands were on the side of my head and his face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath across my lips. The kiss was slow almost a fleeting brush of his lips against mine, but I wanted more and pushed myself against him, nibbling at his lips until they parted for me. A hand at the back of my head increased the pressure and that sweet sensation of him devouring me had every part of my body tingling. Every nerve in my body was on fire, his touch sending tingles of electricity through my skin, his smell and taste rekindling memories.
I pulled away to catch my breath and rested my forehead against his, knowing that wherever I was or whoever I met there'd be no other person, only him.
"You have all the power Babe. We'll take this at your speed"
Understanding dawned on me with what he was saying, maybe he really did understand how I'd felt and was allowing me to set the pace because to me a relationship wasn't just about the sex, though with him it was phenomenal, it was about learning about each other, the good points and the bad. Getting to know each other and understanding each on a deeper level, yeah that was what I wanted to happen.
I knew that Ranger was watching me as I turned onto the street and walked toward the apartment block and probably saw a shadow step out from the main entrance. Having felt so happy I knew that I needed to curb that feeling of euphoria I was feeling and was probably written all over my face so as not to let on that something amazing had happened this afternoon. Shit the last person I wanted to have to talk to was Enzo.
