Hello there. Morgan Freeman here. Of course, you'd know that because of my voice. Unless you put subtitles on because you're deaf, in which case, I apologize. They say that the smallest change can affect the ending of a story. Personally, I prefer the big changes, the ones that you immediately notice, but that's just me. After all, how can you determine small things? Think Lord of the Rings. If Bilbo never found the One Ring, that's a big change, but with a small object. See? You'd never know the change until it was long after it happened. I prefer to think of big changes as moments that are clearly altered the moment they happen, such as Boromir surviving. Plenty of events would change immediately if he didn't die. But, anyway, I'm getting off track. This is a story about a group of kids who got involved in something way bigger than themselves. Like, seriously, the shit these kids get themselves involved in. Well, anyway, let's begin our tale, with a little bit of Star Wars…


FREEDOM PALS OF REMNANT: VOLUME 1: MISCALCULATED ERUPTION

TIME RUPTURED

After many trials, the FREEDOM PALS must now contend with their greatest enemy, MITCH CONNER, who is using the body of THE COON to do his evil bidding.

However, with Mitch Conner secured as South Park's Mayor, they must use the New Kid, BUTTLORD, and her farts to travel through time, in an attempt to stop Mitch Conner from ever becoming Mayor.

Chapter 1


The Freedom Pals teleported into Buttlord's room.

"Buttlord's room?" Human Kite exclaimed.

"Wait," Mysterion inquired, "Where is she? Without her we can't stop Cartman."

"Calm yourself, Mysterion," Doctor Timothy said psychically, "We may have simply been dropped near here."

"Well, then," Call Girl replied, "What are we waiting for, let's go!"

The Freedom Pals ran out the room, heading for the stairs. They stopped at the top.

"Gah," Wonder Tweek exclaimed, "What the hell?"

At the bottom was the New Kid, Buttlord, wearing her Asgard outfit repainted black and red...and also the New Kid, wearing the King Douchebag Fighter armor.

"W-w-w-what the fuck?" Fastpass said.

King Douchebag, having not seen them, ran outside. The Freedom Pals came downstairs, Doctor Timothy floating down the stairs. They all looked outside, and saw a massive battlefield.

"Dude," Human Kite exclaimed, "You sent us back too far. This is when we Coon and Friends stopped playing superheroes and went back to Stick of Truth."

"Nice one, dickhead," Super Craig snarked, "You still can't get it right."

"Wait," Call Girl interjected, "So, we've gone back too far, right?"

Buttlord simply headed outside.

"Hey," Human Kite exclaimed, "Where are you going?"

Buttlord pointed towards Cartman's house.

"Wait, you mean~" Mysterion exclaimed, but Doctor Timothy finished.

"Of course. If we get to Cartman now, we might be able to stop all this from going too far."

"Gah," Wonder Tweek twitched, "What if we cause some time paradox?"

"We have to try, Wonder Tweek. Cartman is too powerful in the present. We can only stop him before he can begin."

The Freedom Pals left the house, running down the street while avoiding all the other kids.

"Man," Human Kite commented, "There are a lot of kids doing Stick of Truth."

"Yeah it-i-it's-it-it's kinda crazy how many p-p-p-p-people were involved," Fastpass exclaimed, "We d-d-di-didn't have this many people doing superheroes with us."

"Well," Professor Chaos retorted, "What about all my minions?"

"You had pl-ple-p-p-plen-pl-pl-plenty of minions, B-B-B-Butters, but I was referring to everyone in g-ge-gener-g-general."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Can we all hurry up?" Human Kite inquired.

"Don't worry, Kyle," Call Girl replied, "We're going as fast as we can."

"Wendy, it's just that I'm worried we'll~Oh shit."

The Freedom Pals stopped as they were blocked by...themselves. Kyle, Butter, Clyde, Craig, all wearing their outfits from Stick of Truth.

"Get out of the way, you guys!" Human Kite exclaimed, "We've got to stop Cartman before he starts all this!"

"What are you kids doing?" Kyle asked, "We stopped playing superheroes like five days ago!"

"Yeah," Butters added, "Get lost, douchebags!"

"This isn't a trick," Super Craig answered, "It's me! Craig!"

"Fuck you, dude. I'm Craig."

"We don't have time for this!" Mysterion interjected, "Stand aside. We have to get to Cartman!"

"Well," Kyle retorted, "You'll just have to get past us, and OUR KING!"

"Ha," Professor Chaos taunted, "We outnumber you!"

Kyle smirked, "Oh, do you?"

"Uh, Professor Chaos." Doctor Timothy said.

The group soon realized that some of the warriors of Kupa Keep, Kingdom of Drow Elves, and even some of the Moorish warriors, were now surrounding them.

"Well s-s-s-sh-s-sh-shit, didn't see that coming."

"Buttlord," Timothy exclaimed, "We'll hold off the others. Defeat your past self so we can stop Cartman."

The Freedom Pals turned to hold back the other kids, while their past selves got off the street to let their king handle Buttlord.

King Douchebag cracked her knuckles before pulling out her signature weapon, the Sweet Katana. Buttlord stared at her, before punching her open hand twice. Douchebag smirked, putting the katana away and pulled out a bat. She threw a ball into the air, then swung the bat, sending the ball straight towards Buttlord. She ducked, but in the time she looked back up, Douchebag was bearing down on her with Sweet Katana. Acting on instinct, she pulled out the sledgehammer of the Final Girl, blocking the attack. Buttlord pushed Douchebag off her, pulling out several buzzsaws and throwing them into the ground behind the king. She then summoned an ethereal scythe, the signature weapon of the Netherborn. Slashing at Douchebag, Buttlord sent her flying into the blades.

Douchebag, some cuts on her back, got angry, putting on a football helmet on, and charging her. Not having enough time, Buttlord took a football charge to the chest. Afterwards, Douchebag slammed the helmet on Buttlord for added insult. Buttlord then saw Douchebag want to Bro Sham Bo. She accepted.

Bro.

Sham.

B~

Douchebag attempted to kick her in the private area. But Buttlord was a Martial Artist, who's reflexes were only matched by Speedsters like Fastpass. She caught the foot, and flipped Douchebag. As she flipped, Buttlord punched her in the upside-down face, sending her flying back.

"Oh, hamburgers!" Butters exclaimed, "The King needs help!"

Clyde then ran onto the street. "Fall back, my King. Your strongest warrior can handle these weirdos."

Three Moorish, emboldened by these otherworldly invaders, decided to join the fight alongside their fellow warriors, despite moments ago fighting against them.

"For the King!"

"For the King!"

"All hail the King!" Clyde declared.

Doctor Timothy used a psychic blast to blow away several elves when he saw what was happening. "Oh no, Buttlord needs support. Freedom Pals, Buttlord is outnumbered!"

Mosquito, Toolshed, and Tupperware went to Buttlord's side.

"I'll take you on, me!" Mosquito exclaimed, buzzing.

"I've got your back!" Toolshed added.

"These primitives have no chance against our future tech!" Tupperware finished.

Clyde and the Moorish formed a shield wall, then began to advance upon the Freedom Pals. Tupperware and Buttlord looked at each other, Buttlord nodding. They were both Gadgeteer type heroes, and they constructed a pair of autofiring turrets. The turrets opened fire, and, while they did slow down the march, the darts couldn't break through the wall.

"Oh boy." Mosquito commented.

"Their barrier is too thick," Tupperware exclaimed, "We need to break their formation!"

"Guys," Toolshed cried out, "I'm charging Full Bore, hold them off!"

"Advance!" Clyde exclaimed.

"I've got this." Mosquito yelled, charging at the group. He then used Zika Rush to fly through the group, dealing damage and landing behind them. However, what he didn't realize was that he was now infront of Buttlord's saw blade traps. "Crap." One of the Moorish turned, facing Mosquito as his shield bashed him. This sent Mosquito back into the blades, causing him to bleed. "Aaaaaa~!"

"Mosquito's in trouble," Tupperware called out, "Hot Swap!"

Both Mosquito and Tupperware teleport, switching spots and generating energy shields for Tupperware. When the Moorish tried to attack Tupperware, the blow bounced off his defences.

Buttlord ran in, using her sledgehammer to engage Clyde. The two traded blows, neither getting a hit. Buttlord deflected the sword, leaving him wide open. He raised the hammer, intending to slam it down upon his head. However, Clyde raised his shield at the last second. Cracking it, but blocking the attack and pushing her back. Buttlord then used Ghastly Grasp, which summoned skeletal hands from beneath the earth. Because Clyde and the Moorish were bunched together, the attack chained to all of them.

"Now!" Toolshed cried out. Buttlord and Tupperware ducked out of the way.

"What?" Clyde exclaimed, seeing Toolshed bring out a drill driver.

Toolshed raised it up to the sky, the drill extending and expanding to gigantic proportions. He then aimed it straight at the warriors, before lunging at them, drill now spinning fast enough it turned orange from the heat. Clyde and the Moorish raised their shields, preparing for the attack. Full Bore slammed against Clyde's shield, which, already cracked from the hammer, broke. The drill sent Clyde and the Moorish behind him flying back, the Moorish impacting the blades and being knocked out.

"Oh no!" One Moorish cried out.

"The Shield Wall has been breached!" The other added.

"Stand strong, warriors of Zaron!" Clyde declared, though he looked badly injured from the attack. Clyde charged, delivering a series of blows upon Buttlord.

"I've got you!" Toolshed exclaimed. He then slammed his drill into the ground, using Spiral Power to cause drills to burst out of the ground, attacking the two remaining Moorish, taking them down.

"Gah!" Clyde exclaimed, seeing the other Moorish Fall, "Well, no matter, even alone, I can still be victorious!" He turned, swinging at Buttlord, only to hear a clang. "Huh?" Buttlord shimmered, replaced with a decoy. "AH!" The decoy exploded, sending him flying back.

"And I'll finish me off!" Mosquito declared, unleashing a barrage of attacks with Bug Bite Barrage.

With that, the Warrior Clyde fell to the ground, unconscious. However, the battle was far from over. Super Craig uppercutted a Moorish, turning around to see his past self running to attack Buttlord from behind. Super Craig leapt forward, placing himself between the two.

"Hmph," Craig declared, "This is a job for the King's cunning rogue."

"You aren't going to last long fighting all of us by yourself, past...self. Also, dumbass, you seemed to have gotten yourself surrounded."

"I wouldn't be so foolish, Stupid Craig. BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

Craig slammed down a smoke bomb, and four other smoke bombs appeared around Super Craig. From the smoke came...five Craigs!? Before Super Craig could react, they all launched an attack on them. Buttlord, seeing it, called upon a Dire Shroud, and the shroud of the Netherborn wrapped itself around Super Craig, shielding him from the worst of the attack.

"Are you serious?" Super Craig complained, "That's so fucking lame. Guh, I guess I have to take this asshole on."

While Toolshed, Tupperware, and Mosquito rejoined the Freedom Pals to hold off the enemy armies, Fastpass and Wonder Tweek decided to join in defeating Rogue Craig.

"I've got your back, Craig." Wonder Tweek declared.

"Thanks?" Craig replied.

"Not you! Super Craig!"

"Do you even remember your S-St-S-Stick of Truth name, Craig?" Fastpass asked.

"Now isn't the time, Fastpass!" Super Craig complained.

"No, you're right. I guess I'll be the third wheel here."

"Enough!" Craig declared, "Prepare~"

Before Craig could announce his attack, Buttlord used her Time Stop Fart ability. While time was frozen, she punched two of the decoys several times. When time flowed normally, one decoy fell to the ground while the other looked badly injured.

"Prepare to~What?"

Super Craig cracked his knuckles, "Let me rephrase that. Even with help, you still won't last long." He then Mega Fist Punched Craig, sending him flying back.

"Gah!" Wonder Tweek exclaimed, "Wait! If Super Craig defeats Craig, won't some time paradox shit happen!?"

"We have n-n-n-n-no-n-no choice, Wonder Tweek. We either win or lose here."

Rogue Craig then summoned more clones.

"Seriously?" Super Craig deadpanned, "You fucking spammer. Was it this bad for you guys when I joined Clyde?"

"Yeah!" Wonder Tweek replied.

"Only, now, we can't tell who's di-d-di-differ-d-differe~" Before Fastpass could finish his sentence, one of the clones socked him in the face. "Well, okay bitch." Fastpass then became a yellow blur as he moved around the battlefield, punching several clones. Buttlord and Wonder Tweek stood back to back as they were surrounded by clones, who kept on attacking them. Buttlord threw saw blades behind several of them, before using Soul Slash to send them flying back.

"HA! Now it's my turn!" Wonder Tweek then used Supreme Lightning to summon a storm, sending bolts into the Craigs clones in front of him. The clones around them were defeated, but Super Craig had just as many clones around him.

"Ug!" Super Craig complained as he punched a clone, only for two more to gang up on him. "You know the Stick of Truth is just a stupid twig, right?"

"You take that back!" Rogue Craig yelled.

"You're just mad because it's true."

"That's it! Take him down."

Super Craig punched another clone, only for four more to dogpile him.

"No, Craig!" Wonder Tweek and Buttlord ran towards him.

"You won't get far," Rogue Craig cut them off, "BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" And even more clones appeared from smoke.

"AAARG!" Wonder Tweek angrily screamed. "We don't have time for this!"

Buttlord motioned to Fastpass.

"W-W-What do you need?"

Buttlord then spun her finger in a circle three times.

"Oh, got it!"

Fastpass then sped past everyone, leaving the battlefield at a breakneck past.

"Seems your friend has abandoned you~" Rogue Craig called out. Then a flash of fire streaked past them, setting some of the clones ablaze.. "What?" Then a second. "Huh?" Rogue Craig turned, seeing the streak of fire approaching a third time, stronger than before. He saw Fastpass, then he blinked, and the area was now on fire.

Rogue Craig was blasted back as Fastpass used Burning Lap, breaking the line.

"AAAAH!" Wonder Tweek cried out as he began attacking the clones dogpiling Super Craig. When one got off to deal with the others, Super Craig was able to easily handle the others. With the other clones down, Wonder Tweek used Soothing Showers to heal Super Craig.

"Thanks. But there's too many of them."

"Gah! Time for our team-attack!"

"Yep."

Wonder Tweek and Super Craig then held hands as everything went anime.

"Ima da yo!" Wonder Tweek said in Japanese, "Kimi no chikara wo boku ni choudai…!"

"Aa…" Super Craig replied, "Futari de issho ni ikou!"

Then, together, they proclaimed, "Afure dashita EROS wa hitotsu to nari sekai wo mitasu!"

The two levitated into the air as a massive pink and white wave of energy engulfed the area, taking out the clones and leaving Rogue Craig a bloody mess.

"Ugh," Rogue Craig grunted, "What kind of bullshit Deus Ex Machina is that?"

"Deus Ex or not," Super Craig retorted, "You're going down."

Buttlord, seeing what was about to happen, waved Fastpass down.

"Alright," he exclaimed, "Where do you need to b-b-b-be?"

Buttlord pointed past Rogue Craig.

"Got it." Fastpass then grabbed Buttlord, transporting them behind him.

Super Craig suckerpunched Rogue Craig, sending him flying back. Buttlord pulled out her sledgehammer and, when Rogue Craig came at her, she swung, sending him flying back even fast, past Wonder Tweek and Super Craig, unconscious when he hit the ground.

"You fought valiantly, rogue," Kyle announced, "I'll avenge you!"

Kyle then entered the street.

"Hold on!" Two Moorish warriors in heavy armor, wielding stop signs as two-handed weapons. "We are the Guards of the Dark Court. Allow us to help your King defeat these outworldly invaders."

"Wow, really? Thanks, guys!"

"For the King!"

"Arg, for the King!"

"Gu," Wonder Tweek grunted, held up by Super Craig, "That last attack took a lot out of me."

"Fastpass," Super Craig called out, "Get us out of here."

"Y-Yo-Y-You got it." Fastpass then blipped the two away from the battlefield.

With those three gone, Human Kite, Mysterion, and Call Girl all joined the battle.

"You're a formidable foe, past me," Human Kite began, "But I'll defeat you and~CAR!"

"Car!"

Everyone got off the street as a car drove by.

"Get your genre right, damn nerds!" The driver scrutinized them. Once it passed, everyone got back onto the street.

"Now, as I was saying, I will defeat you!"

"Even with your guards," Mysterion added, "You're no match for us."

"Wow," Call Girl finished, "Past Kyle had such a cool costume! What happened?"

"Hey…" Human Kite complained.

"Men!" Kyle cried out, "Let's fuck them up!"

"YEAH!" The Moorish cheered as they were buffed by Kyle's words.

Kyle then blew a horn and raised his golf club. "Ready!"

"Uhoh." Human Kite said, "Everyone, get to cover."

"Aim!"

"What cover?" Mysterion retorted, "We're in a street!"

"FIRE!"

From a nearby house, over two dozen elves opened fire with bows, raining arrows upon the four. Human Kite flung his kite at Mysterion, granting him a shield to block the attack. With nowhere to hide, arrows began to hit the others, cutting into them. Call Girl used her selfie sticks to block some of them, and Buttlord did acrobatics to dodge others, but the amount was overwhelming.

The Moorish Knights charged, Call Girl intercepting one of them while Human Kite engaged the other. Call Girl used her selfie stick to counter his stop sign. However, Human Kite was having trouble fending off his Moorish.

This left Mysterion and Buttlord to deal with Kyle.

"Ha," Kyle got into a battle position, "I'm a level 20 High Jew Elf. Don't think this will be easy."

The two looked at each other, Buttlord shrugging, before they charged. However, Kyle pulled out a leaf blower, and launched a barrage of hot air at them. The danger, however, was the debris on the ground, now being rocketed towards them. Buttlord shielded herself from the attack, being hurt mildly. Mysterion, however, jumped high above the debris, even going above Kyle.

"Huh?" Kyle quickly pulled out his golf club to protect himself from Mysterion, allowing Buttlord to advance.

Buttlord pulled out the sledgehammer, swinging at Kyle~

"I'M BAAAAACK!" A new voice said, halting everything. Kyle turned, now seeing Buttlord about to attack him, and also~

"Cousin Kyle!?" Kyle cried out, seeing his cousin wearing a Human Kite costume, "What are you doing here?!"

"Wait," Human Kite, distracted for a moment, added, "Shouldn't you be at the hospital because of your mutation?"

"Wait, he was MUTATED?! How?! When?!"

"Oh, don't worry, Cousin Kyle," Kyle Schwartz answered, "Since we're time traveling, my mutation went away."

Human Kite slapped his forehead, "That's not how time travel works!"

"Yeah, but~Oh dear, making me explain myself has resulted in the time travel time being used up. Goodbye, everyone!" Kyle Schwartz then phased out of existence, likely returning to the future/present.

Buttlord, now no longer distracted by Kyle's cousin, turned back to Kyle, only to be recieve an uppercut from a golf club sending him flying back. Buttlord shook her head, using an antidote to cure her bleeding. She then pulled out her phone, and pressed an app.

"Oh," Call Girl exclaimed, "You're in trouble now."

"Yeah," Mysterion added, "Buttlord is an expert Gadgeteer."

"What does that mean?" A Moorish exclaimed.

"It means," Human Kite replied as a shadow flew over them, "That she has a drone."

Sure enough, an Airborne Annihilator drone flew low, the wake nearly knocking Kyle's hat off. The drone flew back around, before stopping just above Buttlord. It fired a volley of bullets before launching a missile at them. When the smoke cleared, Kyle was badly damaged, and both of the Moorish Knights were down and out.

"Well," Kyle spouted, "That's cheap."

"When you mess with Buttlord," Human Kite declared, "You better be ready to feel the…~Damnit, I can't think of a good one-liner. Anyways," he flew above the group, aiming for Kyle, "This is the end for you!"

Human Kite spun around, causing a wind vortex. Kyle was sucked towards, straight for Buttlord and Human Kite. Human Kite flew upwards, giving Buttlord the chance to attack. She did a Dragon Reversal, sending Kyle back even farther, past Mysterion and Call Girl. With Human Kite in the air, he sent a Laser Burn straight for Kyle.

"AAAAAAAAA!" Kyle screamed in pain, finally being knocked out alongside Rogue Craig.

"Yeaha," Human Kite cheered as he landed next to Buttlord, "We did it! Now, all we have left is~"

Before any of them could react, King Douchebag leaped into the air, ready to perform a Ground Stomp.

"Look out!" Call Girl yelled.

Human Kite turned, seeing the attack as Douchebag went down like a missile.

"Shit!" Human Kite pushed Buttlord out of the way. When he looked back up, he only frowned. "Well, fu~"

Douchebag slammed into the ground, cracking it, and sending Human Kite flying. Doctor Timothy sensed Human Kite flying, and used his telekinetic powers to grab onto him.

"Human Kite's down. Anyone else available?"

Professor Chaos zapped several Moorish. "No, I'm a bit busy! Aaaah, someone help!" Fastpass knocked out a couple, but more arrived.

"Super Craig, Wonder Tweek," Toolshed called out, "Can you two cover for me?"

"Fine." Super Craig complained, as the two already tired heroes went to face the warriors attacking Toolshed. Once done, he joined the battle against King Douchebag.

Paladin Butters came running into the street. "We will fight by your side, my liege!"

Butters raised his holy hammer of justice and, somehow, healed Kyle, Craig, and Clyde, all of them rejoining.

"Oh, come on!" Mysterion complained.

Buttlord used the duplication fart, summoning another him. The two used Ghastly Grasp, doing major damage to their enemies.

"The light of Zaron shall see us through!" Butters cried out, as ethereal light shrouded the warriors, healing them. Then, twenty KKK, Elf, and Moorish warriors all joined in. The Freedom Pals all looked in horror.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Toolshed cried out.

"There's too many of them!" Call Girl added.

Mysterion looked at Buttlord, who only nodded. Mysterion nodded back.

"Guys," Mysterion said solemnly, "We need to end this."

"How?" Toolshed retorted, "There's too many!"

"Not when I'm done."

"When you're done?" Call Girl questioned.

"Stop Cartman, no matter what." Mysterion then charged.

"What are you doing!" Toolshed cried out.

"Fire!" Kyle commanded. Archers fired at Mysterion, but he nimbly dodged them. He leaped over them, standing in the center of them all.

"Mysterion?!"

Mysterion then pulled out a bomb.

"Kenny!"

The bomb went off, taking many of the warriors of Zaron with him, and leaving the rest heavily injured.

"Holy shit," Butters exclaimed, "Pardon my language, but that guy is nuts!"

"Well," Clyde added, "It won't matter. You assholes are still going to lose. His sacrifice will be in vain."

Buttlord clenched her teeth. Mysterion may not stay dead, but disrespecting his sacrifice? She desummoned her past self. She would need all the power for what she did next. Her body levitated, as the Grim Reaper itself gave her power, using her ultimate Grim Fate. Her outfit changed, shifting to the familier attire of Death itself.

"Uh," one of the KKK knights exclaimed, "Maybe you shouldn't have said that."

Using Grim Grasp, ghostly claws appeared all over, slashing at them, and taking out the remaining warriors, leaving only King Douchebag and her inner council.

"Okay~" Before another word could be said, Buttlord summoned a scythe, casting Grim Slash. Swinging up, she sent Craig, Kyle, and King Douchebag flying back, the former getting knocked unconscious.

"Oh, hamburgers!" Butters cried out. He raised his hammer, intent to heal the others.

But Buttlord wouldn't allow that. She cast Grim Shroud, the shroud appearing more vicious as it came behind Butters.

"Butters," Kyle called, "Look out!"

"Huh?" Butters then noticed the shroud, now laced with teeth. "AAAAAHHH!"

The shroud closed around him. When it disappeared, Butters fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Damn you!" Kyle angrily roared. Clyde, Kyle, and Douchebag charged, Toolshed and Callgirl holding off Clyde and Kyle, respectively. Buttlord and Douchebag attacked each other, the fate of the world in the balance. As Douchebag went to punch Buttlord, a sudden chill encompassed her past self. Buttlord smirked, knowing that Kenny's spirit was giving them an edge. She used Grim Slash one more, Kyle and Clyde just barely dodging, and sending Douchebag back again. As strong as she was during Stick of Truth, she was no match for her superhero future.

Douchebag shook her head, grinding her teeth. From her right hand, yellow electricity sparked wildly.

"Here it comes!" Kyle cried out as he and Clyde leaped to the side. "The Hammer of Heavenly Reign!"

Buttlord silently gasped, but then narrowed her eyes. If she could survive this attack, then nothing Douchebag could do could get through. Storm clouds circled above, as lighting came down upon Douchebag's hands, forming a golden hammer twice her size. She leaped into the air. Buttlord casted Grim Shroud, surrounding herself in the shield of death itself. The hammer came down, blasting into the shroud. Electricity blasted everywhere, creating scorch marks, as the hammer attempted to break through. Both New Kids grit their teeth, the fate of everything riding on this move. The fabric of the shroud began to tear, as cracks in the hammer began to forge. Cracks began to form in the ground around them. The clash between death and the heavens was becoming too much.

Then, the handle for the hammer broke. The sudden release of energy sent a shockwave, shattering nearby windows, and cracking the ones that didn't break. Douchebag fell to the ground, eyes widened in shock.

"Impossible." Kyle muttered.

Buttlord leapt into the air, summoning Final Vengeance, the ultimate weapon of the Final Girl. However, blue flames appeared on the weapon, before solidifying into extended blades for both the axe, buzzsaw, chainsaw, and the spiked hammer handle. Final Vengeance, empowered by Grim Fate, had been transformed into The Final Reaper. She dived, Douchebag bringing out Sweet Katana to block it. However, the attack instantly broke the katana in half, piercing Douchebag. Both gave silent screams, one of anger, one of pain. Douchebag was sent flying back, leaving a crater trail behind her, and being rendered unconscious.

"No," Clyde exclaimed, "THE KING IS DOWN!"

Everyone turned, seeing the greatest warrior in all of Zaron lying motionless on the ground. Everyone stared at the one who defeated the unconquerable King of Kupa Keep.

"Retreat!" Kyle cried out, knocking everyone else out of their gaze. At once, people everywhere, KKK warriors, elves, Moorish, all began running for the hills. As they fled, the Freedom Pals approached Buttlord.

"Damn," Tupperware exclaimed, "That…was kinda awesome."

"Yeah," Professor Chaos added, "And, what's even better, we all made it!"

"Yeah," Human Kite, "We all got beat up and stuff, but, can you imagine if one of us died."

"Alright, enough chit chat. To Cartman's house!"

The Freedom Pals moved ahead, Buttlord giving one last look at her unconscious past self. She heard a sigh behind her. Turning, she saw Mysterion. As a pure Netherborn, Mysterion was banished from death. However, it came with the curse that no one is capable of knowing this fact. Only other Netherborn, pure or otherwise, can remember. She went to him, patting him on the back, which gave him a smile. The two quickly ran, catching up with the others.

The Freedom Pals got to Cartman's house, seeing two Moorish guarding the door, with red lego bricks on the steps.

"Hold!" one Moorish yelled, "You cannot cross here! This is all lava!"

"We don't have time for this shit!" Human Kite retorted, walking up and kicking the legos away and stunning the two Moorish.

"Oh, my god, how'd he do that?" the Moorish muttered as everyone else started following into the house. "Are you joking? It's like the rules don't even matter! Jeeesus Christ! Did you see that?"

The Freedom Pals began running through the living room, past Liane Cartman.

"Oh, hi kids," Liane stated, "I believe Eric is up in his room."

The Freedom Pals, not sparing her a look, went upstairs. Entering Cartman's room, they saw him in front of his closet, wearing his Coon costume. Cartman turned around, seeing everyone coming in.

"Guys!" he exclaimed, "I was just traveling back in time to find you! A cat's missing! There's a big reward~Wait, why are you guys already playing superheroes?"

"We know what you're up to, fatass!"

"Mysterion?! But you're with the Freedom Pals!"

"We're ALL Freedom Pals!" Human Kite retorted, "We're from the future, you fat turd."

"No, I'm from the future, I was just coming back to Stick of Truth times to get you guys."

Mysterion grabbed Cartman's shirt. "We aren't playing anymore! We know everything! Show us your left hand!"

"My left hand? For what~"

"SHOW US YOUR FUCKING LEFT HAND!"

After a second of silence, Cartman's left hand came up, clenched in a hand puppet face, with black eyes and pink lips.

"Huh," Mitch Conner scoffed, "Hello, Freedom Pals. Time travel. Ain't it a bitch."

Cartman ripped himself from Mysterion. "Conner? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I had a plan to use the New Kid as means to get what I always wanted. But it looks like some do-gooders traveled back in time to stop me."

"Cartman," Human Kite scowled, "I swear to god, if you don't know it off I'm~"

"But that's OK! Because I still know something you all don't."

"What's that?" Toolshed questioned.

"...How to make someone fart super bad by hitting them in the solar plexus."

Cartman lunged at Buttlord.

"CONNER, NO!" Cartman cried out, but it was too late. Cartman punched her in the solar plexus, causing a massive fart. Everyone got sucked in, as their environment shifted from Cartman's room to some strange time tunnel, with swirling red and white lines. However, soon the lines started shifting, and became black and green lines. Everyone started panicking, but their voices were constantly echoing.

"Wait," Mitch Conner exclaimed, "What happened?"

"You bitch!" Cartman insulted, "You hit the wrong part! Instead of a time tunnel, you created a space tunnel!"

"No, this isn't the plan!" Mitch Conner started vibrating uncontrollably.

"Cartman," Call Girl exclaimed, "What's going on with your hand?"

"I don't know!" Cart tried to grip his hand, "Someone help!"

"Everyone," Doctor Timothy called out, "Whatever Cartman did, it seems we'll find out soon."

Everyone saw a red glow at the end, with everyone falling towards it.

"You bastard!" Human Kite roared. "When we land, I'm kicking your ass!"

"It's not my fault, it was Mitch Conner!"

Human Kite roared in annoyance.

"Everyone, brace for impact!"


Amber looked upon her attackers as she floated into the air. These two were too determined to be simply bandits, and so they were likely servants of the Witch Queen Salem. Using her Maiden powers, she pulled hundreds of leaves from the nearby trees. As they surrounded her, they froze, and she launched them at the two. The two were bombarded, no doubt their Auras being severely damaged.

Amber then saw a third person, running at her from down the dirt path. She summoned a large fireball, launching it at the woman. The woman jumped over it, skidding on the ground as she landed.

Before Amber could do anymore, lightning began to erupt above her, all of various colors. She looked around in shock, as did her attackers. The third woman pulled out a bow, intending to use the distraction to get an easy shot in. However, before she could fire an arrow, a portal, black and green, opened above Amber. Amber looked up, and gasped as fourteen children came falling out, sending her to the ground and semi-burying her.

"Gah!" Kyle exclaimed, "Where are we?!"

"Yeah," Butters added, "And who are these people? Also, sorry for landing on you, stranger lady."

Amber got herself free from the children, looking at them in perplexity. Who were they? Where did they come from? And why were they in costumes?

"I don't know," Timothy replied as Token pushed his wheelchair back up, "But, at the very least, we aren't badly injured."

"Yeah," Stan commented, "Unlike this asshole."

"ME?!" Cartman cried out, "What do you mean?!"

"This is your fault," Wendy retorted, "You punched the New Kid."

"It wasn't me, guys! It was Mitch Conner!"

"Yeah, right," Scott scoffed, "Considering Mitch Conner is your hand."

"I have no control over Mitch Conner!"

"Well then," Kyle angrily retorted, "Let's ask him."

Cartman brought up his left hand, only to find the makeup gone. "What? Doh, he must've slipped away during the confusion."

"Oh, give me a break."

"Guys," Kenny interjected, "I don't care who's fault this is, right now, we need to~" SHLK

The Freedom Pals all stood in shock. Kenny looked down, seeing an arrow through his back, coming out where his heart would be.

"Oh," Kenny deadpanned, "Well." Kenny then fell on his face, dead.

"KEEEENNNYYYYYYY!" Kyle screamed.


Author's Notes: Oh my god, Cinder killed Kenny, that bitch!

Anyways, this is something I wanted to do every since I got about halfway through Mama Hound Volume 1. I want to lay down a ground rule regarding New Kid, however.

1: New Kid is a girl and will remain mute. I'm basically retconning the final scene of Stick of Truth, with New Kid not saying anything when asked.

2: New Kid will be restricted to only four classes. This is so that we have an powerful New Kid, but not world breaking New Kid. The Classes are Martial Artist, Gadgeteer, Netherborn, and The Final Girl.

I hope you enjoy this journey. Leave a review, fav/follow, and I'll see you all next time.